"Boys and girls, and their parents." Part 2

The modern world often erases landmarks. Is there a human model, an example to follow? Let's turn to the Bible. In the Gospel of Matthew, Jesus, answering the disciples’ question: who is greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven, said:

(Matt. 18:3)

“Truly I tell you, unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven.”

Why especially small children? Does this mean the right to infantilism? Not at all. This appeals to the best child qualities: openness, impartiality, kindness, gentleness. Only sincere, kind people bring justice.

"Jesus Blessing the Children"

What else does Jesus say about children?

(Hebrews from M.19:14)

“Then the children were brought to Him, so that He could lay His hands on them and pray; the disciples rebuked them. But Jesus said, “Let the little children come and do not hinder them from coming to Me, for of such is the kingdom of heaven.”

The call not to interfere with children’s faith lies in the main principle of Christian education. To educate in the spirit of the commandments of Christ, in the spirit of love, forgiveness, justice.

Icon "Blessing of Children"

A Biblical View of Children

Raising Children in the New Testament

God has made us parents responsible for how we reveal the character of God to our children. Children look at God through the prism of their parents. And if parents act unfairly towards their children, then the children automatically transfer this to God.

If parents punish their children unfairly, then the children automatically believe that God is unfair. And so it is our responsibility as parents to properly present and communicate what God is really like. And the Bible itself speaks about this.

Responsibilities of parents to support children

Of course, the Bible places a special place on the moral education of children, but such an important component as taking care of physical needs also does not go unnoticed.

The Apostle Paul said:

(2 Cor. 12:14)

“It is not the children who should collect wealth for their parents, but the parents for their children.”

The Bible condemns careless parents. A child in need is unhappy, prone to despondency, and his safety is at risk.

Does the Bible support corporal punishment in child rearing or not?

So, based on these texts, they can be translated in two ways. You can translate it as written in the Russian translation, or translate it as a metaphor. And this raises a very important question: when and how often should parents resort to physical punishment in raising their children. And this question, due to its lack of understanding, creates a lot of problems.

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Let the children come to Me and do not hinder them, for to such is the Kingdom of God. Mark 10:14

Parents, society and children

Educators and psychologists unanimously say that the greatest need of children in our society is communication with their parents. Unfortunately, due to the pace of life and the constant rush, the time parents communicate with their children has been reduced to a minimum. And television and the Internet, instead of creating more opportunities for communication, reduce them even more. Children really need to spend time with their parents. If this need is not satisfied, then they look for an opportunity to attract the attention of adults.

Often, children resort to methods such as violating the boundaries of what is permitted, and in response, parents resort to corporal punishment.

But if we talk about biblical times, then everything was completely different. There was no Internet or television, and parents spent more time with their children. Moreover, there were no kindergartens or schools and all education took place at home. If we talk about the biblical standard of education, it is written in the Bible.

Concern for moral education

The relationship between parents and children is one of the main moral and spiritual problems of humanity. Holy Scripture addresses this problem from a spiritual perspective. A person is always in the face of the Creator; love for parents and children reveals an attitude towards God.

Dad and little daughter. A father is a model of masculine behavior for his daughter. This must be taken into account. It is on the father and husband that God has placed the priesthood in the family

That is why children from an early age must be raised in faith. Isn’t this what Jesus told us when he commanded us to let children come to him?

To Eph. 6:1-4

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is what justice requires. Honor your father and mother, this is the first commandment with a promise: that it may be good for you, and that you may live long on earth. And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and admonition of the Lord.”

Ev. from M. ch. 15

What does the Bible say about raising children? A special place in the book of books is given to honoring parents. We come across many quotes that boil down to the truth: “For God commanded: “Honor your father and mother”; and: “Whoever curses his father or mother, let him die.”

But how to raise a child in the wisdom of God, who honors His commandments?

Let's turn to the Book of Proverbs of Solomon.

(Proverbs 17:21)

“Whoever gives birth to a fool is to his own misfortune, and the father of a fool will not rejoice.”

In the parables of Solomon, wisdom is often mentioned as the highest wealth. From parables we learn that a self-important fool is ridiculous, and the lies of a noble man are terrible. Parables teach mercy towards the poor, for the hand of God is in them too, condemning troublemakers who seek evil and unrighteous judgment. They show what is temporary and what is eternal and much more.

Cultivating wisdom is not constant control.

This is the formation of stable beliefs that will help you make the right decisions in the future.

"Boys and girls, and their parents." Part 2

Adult children and parents
Question : I have several questions at once, but they all relate to the relationship between adult children and parents.
First question. The Bible says that you need to honor your father and mother - this is one of the Ten Commandments, but it does not say: “love your parents,” but only: “honor.” After all, there are some parents whom it is very difficult to love. Although, of course, all people should be treated well, with respect. So is it necessary to love our parents just because they gave birth to us?

Second question. Young children are required to obey their parents. But should adult children obey their parents?

Another question. My parents are divorced. My father remarried, my mother is on very bad terms with him, and she doesn’t like it when I visit him. Moreover, we meet in the apartment where dad lives with his new wife. Should I, in this case, listen to my mother and not communicate with my father?

Answer

: Yes, the fifth commandment of God’s law does not mention children’s love for their parents, but it does speak about honoring father and mother. However, it is quite obvious that children should love those who gave birth to them. Therefore, the Holy Scriptures do not mention love - this goes without saying. After all, the word of God teaches us to love all people: “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:39). And love is commanded to us not only for those people who are pleasant to us, not at all. “For if you love those who love you, what reward will you have?” (Matt. 5:46). Our love must extend even to our enemies: “Love your enemies...” (Matthew 5:44). Moreover, we need to love the people closest to us, that is, our parents. Why does the commandment emphasize “honor”? Because the people who gave birth to and raised us need to be especially honored and respected. These are not just neighbors to be loved. We came into this world through our parents, they are the reason for our existence, and the very nature of our descent from them teaches us to honor them as people higher than ourselves. Here is what St. John Chrysostom writes about this: “... just as they gave birth to you, you cannot give birth to them. Therefore, if in this we are inferior to them, then we will surpass them in another respect through respect for them, not only according to the law of nature, but mainly before nature - according to (the feeling of) the fear of God. The will of God decisively demands that parents be revered by their children, and rewards those who do this with great blessings and gifts, and punishes those who violate this law with great and grave misfortunes.” By honoring our father and mother, we honor God Himself - our Heavenly Father. He, together with our earthly parents, gave us the most precious gift - the gift of life. Parents can be called co-creators, co-workers with the Lord. They gave us a body, we are flesh of their flesh, and God put an immortal soul in us.

If a person does not honor his parents and denies this hierarchy, he can very easily come to disrespect and deny God. At first he does not respect his parents, then he stops loving his homeland, then he denies his mother Church, and now he no longer believes in God. All this is very interconnected. It is not without reason that when they want to shake the state and destroy its foundations from within, they first of all take up arms against the Church, faith in God and the family. Family, honoring elders, passing on traditions (and the word “tradition” comes from the Latin tradition

- “transfer”) cement society, make the people strong.

The other day, while going down the subway, I saw two guys, Asian in appearance, most likely Tajiks or Uzbeks, helping a Russian grandmother carry a heavy bag on wheels down the steps. And it was clear that they were doing it with pleasure and even with some joy. And I thought sadly: these people have a future, they are very strong as a nation. But whether we have a future is still unknown. I think that those young men and women who sit in transport in the presence of older people will not be respected even by their own children and grandchildren, let alone strangers.

Honor your parents, and “that your days may be long, and that it may go well with you in the land which the Lord your God is giving you” (Deut. 5:16). The family of those who respect their parents and elders will be blessed. His children, and then his grandchildren, to whom he passed on by personal example the good traditions of honoring elders, will delight him in his youth and give him peace in his old age. And, on the contrary, the Holy Scriptures and spiritual literature contain many examples when the unworthy behavior of children towards their parents brought the wrath of God and subsequent punishment upon the violators of the fifth commandment. The most striking and famous example is the Old Testament Ham, who laughed at the nakedness of his father.

In addition to birth, we owe our parents a lot. They not only raised us and raised us, but also had a very great influence on us. Whether we realize it or not, we are shaped as individuals primarily by the influence of the family in which we were raised. The most important foundation of upbringing and personality development is laid in the parental home.

“I owe everything good in me to books,” said Gorky. But I can say about myself differently: I owe everything good in me to my parents.

But even when parents raised their children poorly or did not raise them at all, you still need to honor them. Why we got exactly such parents, and not some others, is entirely the will of God and the secret of His Providence for us. One thing is clear: God does not do random things, and if we cannot choose our own parents and even have almost no influence on their behavior, then God has given us exactly the kind of parents we need. And even if they do not please us at all, we should still love and honor them. After all, any test is given to us not by chance, but so that we show the best spiritual Christian qualities: patience, humility, love, leniency, forgiveness. And then we will not be left without a reward from God. Let us remember: what a reward it is to “love those who love you.”

Now let’s talk about whether adult children should obey and obey their parents.

The task of the father and mother is to raise the child, shape him as a person, invest everything he needs in childhood and adolescence, in order to prepare him for an independent, adult life. If they were able to raise a person correctly, his further adult life no longer requires parental intervention. Parents communicate with their children, make friends with them, help them, but their function as educators has already ended. All the children have grown up and live by their own minds. The way it turned out to be raised, that’s how it turned out. Therefore, parents of adult children can no longer demand unquestioning obedience from them, as they did in childhood. Of course, parents can give advice (if their opinion is listened to), they should pray for their children, but they have no right to interfere in their lives. Any adult person is created by God as an absolutely free being. And even our Heavenly Father does not force anyone to obey Him - everything is purely voluntary. So parents should treat adult children with respect, trusting them.

And the last question. If your parents are divorced and treat each other badly, it is not your fault. You are commanded to honor both. And in this case, you need to obey God’s commands, and not your mother. No one has the right to forbid you to love and honor your father, no matter what he is. You should try to convey this to your mother - again, politely and with respect. It's understandable that your mother is particularly unhappy that you have to date your father's new wife. Then you can plan meetings with dad outside his home (take a walk together, sit somewhere in a cafe) or in the absence of his wife. If this is not possible, you need to try to convince your mother that you want to meet your father, and not his new family.

Why does a child have suicidal thoughts?

Question : It so happened that I am raising my ten-year-old son alone. Our mother is unlucky, she divorced me and left the child to me. Of course, it’s very difficult for me; I work a lot to feed my family. My mother still lives with us; It's good that at least she helps. Recently I was very scared for my son. I come home, and he stands at the completely open window and seems to want to jump down. Then I asked him why he opened the window, and the boy admitted that he really wanted to jump out of the window, that he didn’t want to live. Why does a ten-year-old child have such dark thoughts, and what should I do?

Answer

: Your situation is, of course, difficult, I really sympathize with you. It is a very rare case when a father raises a child alone after a divorce. Yes, it’s hard for you, but here you need to understand that the baby, left without a mother, suffers the most in this situation. He is not at all to blame for what happened, and it’s even harder for him than for you.

Thoughts about suicide, unfortunately, are not uncommon in children, but they usually appear during adolescence, when the difficult transition period from childhood to adolescence and entry into adulthood begins. The child becomes vulnerable, vulnerable, he is prone to sudden mood swings and despondency. In your case, I am sure that the boy is having suicidal thoughts, since he is very tormented by the lack of maternal affection and attention. In a normal situation, a child generally, up to a certain age, spends most of his time with his mother; he usually sees his father only in the evenings and on weekends. The connection with the mother, her influence on the child before school age is simply enormous. And your baby is deprived of all this. Even children left without a father are tormented by gloomy thoughts about the uselessness and meaninglessness of life. I personally know a boy who, after the death of his father, also often told his mother that he wanted to jump out of the window. Children deprived of affection and communication suffer greatly; they are visited by thoughts of their uselessness and abandonment. Of course, it’s very difficult for you now, you are raising a child, you work a lot, but, despite any difficulties and lack of free time, you need to spend as much time as possible with your son. You must become not only his father, but also his mother. Compensate for the lack of attention, tenderness and love. The child should constantly feel how much you love him, how dear he is to you. Spend your free time together. Take a walk, go to the zoo, to the cinema, read books, play together, watch cartoons. Talk more, communicate, discuss his school life and generally a variety of topics. Be his most faithful and closest friend. At this age, boys are especially drawn to their father, they grow up, mature and are drawn to the masculine principle. They copy their fathers, and therefore you should give him only a good example. Therefore, you need to be especially careful, not to relax, especially to avoid drinking, smoking, foul language, and spending idle time in front of the TV and computer.

It is very important to be affectionate with your son. At least several times a day, hug, kiss him, stroke his head. Then the child, even on a bodily level, will feel your love and connection with him. He will feel parental protection and care, this will help him calm down and feel needed. We should not be afraid that we will spoil the child or raise him to be a wimp. On the contrary, scientists say that boys who receive enough signs of love from their parents, including through hugs, grow up courageous and self-confident.

The famous teacher Professor Julia Gippenreiter testifies that communication with parents and constant contact with them are necessary “for a child, just like food. A baby who receives adequate nutrition and good medical care, but is deprived of constant contact with an adult, develops poorly not only mentally, but also physically: he does not grow, loses weight, and loses interest in life.

An analysis of numerous cases of infant death in orphanages conducted in America and Europe after the First World War - cases inexplicable from a medical point of view alone - led scientists to the conclusion: the reason is the unmet need of children for psychological contact, that is, for care , attention, care from a close adult.”

I wish you God's help in raising your son. Remember: he really needs you. A ten-year-old boy no longer needs maternal attention as much as younger children; he, as a future man, now especially needs your care and help.

If your son talks to you about suicide again, it is important to tell him, without intimidating him, where these thoughts come from. That their source is the enemies of people, demons. You need to drive them away with prayer and not be afraid of them. A person is not alone in the fight against enemy power; his guardian angel is always nearby.

Time spent with a child is more valuable to him than the most expensive gifts from us. In conclusion, I will give one parable on this topic, which I really like.

One day a man returned home late from work, tired and nervous as always, and saw his five-year-old son standing at the door.

- Dad, can I ask you something?

- Of course, what happened?

- Dad, how much do you get?

- It's none of your business! – the father was indignant. - And then, why do you need this?

- I just want to know. Please, tell me, how much do you get per hour?

- Well, actually 500. So what?

“Dad,” the son looked up at him with very serious eyes, “Dad, can you borrow me 300?”

“You only asked so that I could give you money for some stupid toy?!” - the father shouted. – Immediately go to your room and go to bed! You can't be so selfish! I work all day, I’m terribly tired, and you’re acting so stupid.

The kid quietly went to his room and closed the door behind him. And the father continued to stand in the doorway and get angry at his son’s request: “How dare he ask me about my salary and then ask for money?” But after some time, he calmed down and began to think sensibly: “Maybe he really needs to buy something very important? Come on, these three hundred, he never asked me for money at all.” When he entered the nursery, his son was already in bed.

-Are you awake, son? - he asked.

“No, dad,” the boy answered.

“I think I answered you too rudely,” said the father. “I had a hard day and I just lost it.” I'm sorry. Here, have the money you asked for.

The boy sat up in bed and smiled.

- Oh, dad, thank you! – he exclaimed joyfully.

He then reached under the pillow and pulled out several more crumpled bills. His father, seeing that the child already had money, became angry again. And the baby put all the bills together, and then looked at his father again.

– Why did you ask for money if you already have it? - he grumbled.

“Because I didn’t have enough.” But now that’s just enough for me,” the child answered. - Dad, there are exactly 500 here. Can I buy one hour of your time? Please come home early from work tomorrow: I want you to have dinner with us.

“My son is annoyed by my requests”

Question : My son is 14 years old. As long as I don’t “touch” him, but, on the contrary, do something for him, we communicate well. For example, when I get him ready for school, prepare him sandwiches, make coffee, everything is fine. But then I ask him to throw out the trash on the road, and he immediately begins to show dissatisfaction and grumble, although he still takes out the trash. Always like this. My requests displease him. He starts saying that he doesn't have time and the like. As a rule, after persuasion, he still fulfills requests. But he does everything reluctantly. And it was always like this, not just at 14 years old.

Answer

: Your story reminded me of a gospel parable about two sons. Remember?

“One man had two sons; and he, approaching the first, said: “Son! Go and work in my vineyard today.” But he answered: “I don’t want to”; and then, repenting, he left. And going up to the other, he said the same thing. This one said in response: “I’m going, sir,” and did not go.” Christ asked those listening: “Which of the two fulfilled the will of the father?” And they answered Him: “First” (see: Matt. 21: 28–31). So the fact that your son, although he resists, still fulfills his mother’s requests, is in itself not bad. Children are all very different: some help their parents willingly (there are very few of them), others grumble and complain, but still go to help, and from others you won’t get any help at all. It turns out things aren't so bad for you. Boys and men are quite stubborn people. It is important to be able to ask. Don’t demand something, but try to do it kindly, politely, and create positive motivation. That is, when your son fulfills your request, be sure to thank him and let him know that you really appreciate his service. Do not take his works as something ordinary and for granted. You need to make him feel that he is already an adult, a man, that his mother needs his help and protection. Then there is hope that next time it will be more pleasant for him to carry out his mother’s instructions. But at the same time, you should gently and correctly tell your son that in the society of adults, everyone must have their own responsibilities and fulfill their duty. Having responsibilities and bearing responsibilities is what distinguishes adults from children.

Your son is 14 years old, and it is possible that his grumbling and dissatisfaction with parental requests has been aggravated by adolescence. Teenagers during this period are in a state of maturation, formation, they assert themselves, and any parental instruction, remark or trifling request can be regarded as an encroachment on their freedom. Adolescence is a difficult time both for parents and for the children themselves, so great wisdom and considerable patience are required from parents.

(To be continued.)

How to raise children

The Bible Reveals Parenting Techniques and Relationships

Morals

We come across many stories and parables that illustrate in artistic form the basic postulates of the requirements. Moral teachings are built through understandable images that evoke sympathy. Likewise, parents should accompany conversations with vivid examples passed through their own hearts.

Own example

(Prov. Sa. 4:3)

“For I too was my father’s son, dearly beloved and the only one of my mother.”

It is impossible to teach if you yourself do not serve as an example. If you want to form a spiritually developed personality, you yourself need to constantly check your life with the commandments of the Heavenly Father.

Punishment

The Bible has a lot to say about the benefits of punishment. Modern society has a negative attitude towards physical impact, but is it possible to completely do without restrictions? No. And the Bible tells us that permissiveness is fertile ground for vice.

There are many forms of influence on children's pranks: from limiting games and walks to the opportunity to correct what they have done through their own work.

The fight against childhood vices is not only a series of punishments and instructions, but also in constant prayer to God for your children. Do not forget the commandments of Christ: “Be like children”!

Prayer for children

There is a small prayer for children. It can be read when you ask God for them to grow up to be good Christians and not go down a bad path. God, our merciful and heavenly Father!

Have mercy on our children (names) and our godchildren (names), for whom we humbly pray to You and whom we entrust to Your care and protection.

Put strong faith in them, teach them to revere You and deign them to deeply love You, our Creator and Savior.

Guide them, God, on the path of truth and goodness, so that they do everything for the glory of Your name.

Teach them to live piously and virtuously, to be good Christians and useful people.

Give them mental and physical health and success in their work.

Deliver them from the cunning machinations of the devil, from numerous temptations, from evil passions and from all wicked and disorderly people.

For the sake of Your Son, our Lord Jesus Christ, through the prayers of His Most Pure Mother and all the saints, lead them to the quiet haven of Your eternal Kingdom, so that they, along with all the righteous, will always thank You with Your only begotten Son and Your life-giving Spirit.

Amen.

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So what does the Bible say about raising children?

A rod is a staff or rod (literally in Hebrew - rod)

(Ps 22:4)

Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff - they calm me.

The shepherd used his staff to guide the sheep if it strayed from its path. He didn't hit her, but guided her.

(Proverbs 13:24)

He who spares his rod hates his son; and whoever loves punishes him from childhood.

The word from “childhood” is not in the Hebrew text. The exact translation is: “Whoever loves, punishes him with zeal.”

Punishes - instructions, instructions.

And now it can be translated as follows: “Whoever withholds his instructions hates his son, and whoever loves him instructs him with zeal.”

Both translations have the right to exist, so there is no need to use either version separately.

There are many similar texts in the Holy Scriptures

“Do not leave a young man unpunished: if you punish him with a rod, he will not die; you will punish him with a rod and save his soul from hell.” (Proverbs 23:13-14)

Punish - beat, hit, hit.

(Heb 12:6-8)

For the Lord punishes whomever he loves; he beats every son whom he receives. If you suffer punishment, then God treats you as sons. For is there any son whom his father does not punish? If you remain without punishment, which is common to everyone, then you are illegitimate children, not sons.

Of course, God does not punish anyone with a stick or rod. The author uses a positive father-son metaphor here to show how God treats us.