Interesting story with the "reasoning approach"
I graduated from college, got a job, and a question arose about my personal life. How to solve such a serious life issue without knowing the will of God? Suddenly I see Father Savva in a dream. I was happy and thought: how good, so I’ll ask him, what should I do - get married or stay single? He answered me like this: “Life itself will show.”
His answer upset me. I think: how will life itself show it? I want to know for sure whether to get married or not? So I woke up in bewilderment.
Soon I had the opportunity to meet a young man. Handsome, with a higher education, and most importantly, they say that he is a believer; he was seen several times in the temple. After some time, this young man proposes to me. But I was in no hurry to give consent to the marriage, I began to carefully look at his inclinations and interests, and tried to understand what we had in common. Sunday is approaching, and he asks me the question: “How will we spend this day?” I answered: “Mom and I are going to church.” “Well then, I’ll go skiing alone,” he says. Next Sunday comes. He states: “Our employees are going on an excursion, it’s somehow inconvenient for me to be separated from the team, I’ll have to go...”. And here comes the new year soon. Again the question: “How will we celebrate the New Year?” - “Let’s be Christian, because this will be the Nativity Fast.” He listened to this and somehow embarrassedly said: “Well, I guess I’ll go to my father.” Involuntarily I remembered the words spoken to me by Father Savva: “Life itself will show.” So she showed it. I am firmly convinced that the Lord saved me from this marriage through the holy prayers of Father Savva.
(From the book “Biography of the elder schema-abbot Savva. With love in the Lord, your D.O.S.”, M., 1998.)
Instructions for those entering marriage (Letter from Elder Jonah of Kyiv)
First, you need to turn to the Lord God, to the Mother of God and All Saints from all the feelings of your soul and heart with a warm prayer, may the Lord God show His mercy and sacred will; second, you need to ask experienced people: your parents and others who know his life, affairs and behavior. When they are assured of his honesty, then with the blessing of God and your parents you can perform a legal holy marriage. But do not rush, but wisely and carefully; everything must be experienced and discerned, and not as if it were in vain, for marriage is holy and a godly marriage is a holy life.
(“Spiritual Interlocutor”, No. 3, 1998)
What is the purpose of Christian education?
– The goal of Christian education is to lead a child to Christ, to make him a Christian, so that when he comes to his senses, he would confess himself as a Christian, realizing that such a life is correct, full. The basis of life must be spirit; the spirit feeds the soul, and the soul transforms the flesh. If the carnal begins to suppress the spiritual and emotional, then the distortion of human nature appears.
Christian education consists of teaching a person to please God, to please God with his life, just as a child tries to please his parents.
When you come to your husband's family, there are many things you don't like. How can we change the way of life there?
— There is a well-known proverb: don’t go to someone else’s monastery with your own rules. You must understand that if you do not like this charter, you should not change it, you must leave and organize your own monastery with your own charter. If the younger ones do not want to accept the lifestyle of their elders, then they need to rent an apartment, but do not try to solve problems at the expense of their parents, do not drive the elderly out of the house, as is often done now.
Failure to understand the hierarchy of the family structure is God-fighting. The Lord arranged it in such a way that if a son raises his hand against his mother, against his father, then he raises his hand against God; if a wife is at war with her husband, she is at war with God. And if a child does not obey his parents, then he does not obey God. Because this is a hierarchy established by God. It cannot be violated.
When there is a need for two families to live together, then, of course, you need to respect old age, you need to either resign yourself or separate. We need to solve all problems peacefully.
TIPS - FRIENDS. Hegumen Georgy (Shestun) HOW TO SAVE A FAMILY.
A man should know: IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO HUMILIATE and insult his wife BY CALLING her rude words. Harsh words - WILL BE REMEMBERED, will leave a wound on the heart and will be expelled from there - Love.
A man DOES NOT HAVE the right to COMMAND, shout, offend, and TO SUBMIT his wife by FORCE or violence.
A man must CAREFULLY and lovingly treat his wife so that the wife, out of RESPECT for the man, wants to obey him. Elder Paisiy says that without love you CANNOT even subjugate the Cat.
**********
It is IMPOSSIBLE to raise your hands against your wife and beat her. If a man raises his hand to a woman, then with his own hands he DESTROYS his happiness.
Not a single normal man will ever ALLOW himself to treat a woman RUDELY and VASTLY, not to mention to OFFEND her or HUMILIATE her and subjugate her - by force.
And you need to remember the Russian folk proverb: “You won’t be NICE by force!”
Therefore, such rude men in vain hope that women will love them - for RUDE and VIOLENCE - NO, and again NO!
****************
Many people are UNHAPPY on earth: either they are LONELY, or they have BAD families, or they are UNLUCKY in life.
And all only because people DID NOT OBEY their parents, were rude to them, swore at them, offended their parents, insulted and humiliated them, condemned them, and therefore God did NOT GIVE them happiness!
Until they - REPENT and confess these - Grave Sins and CORRECT - begin to treat their parents kindly and with respect - God WILL NOT GIVE them happiness on earth.
The commandment of God says: HONOR your Father and your mother - may it be GOOD for you on earth, may you be LONG and HEALTHY in your life!
This is God's Law! Whoever violates it deprives himself of all the good things in life!
—————————
Why are there so many unhappy families? Families are UNHAPPY mainly due to SELFISHNESS, pride and indifference of people to each other.
A woman SHOULD remember that there are things that she SHOULD NEVER allow herself to do, under any circumstances.
You can’t command your husband. You cannot insult or humiliate your husband. Rude and evil words - DESTROY family relationships and KILL - love! . You can’t laugh at him, you can’t flaunt and discuss your family relationships with others. You cannot insult his parents, relatives and friends in front of your husband or without him.
Because the WOUNDS that are inflicted will never heal. Maybe they will continue to live together, but without love. Love will simply disappear.
Try to treat your parents and relatives and friends of your husband or wife WELL and help them if they need any help. When we treat them kindly - we treat them, help them and take care of them - then our husband or wife, seeing our KIND attitude towards his parents, his family and friends - STARTS to love and respect us MORE.
If we begin to treat our spouse’s parents and loved ones BADLY, then by doing so we CAUSE him Great pain and Resentment, which over time can DESTROY the family.
Also try to be - NICE - to your spouse's friends. It is important that they are GOOD people, and the rest does not matter.
And men must NOT FORGET that a good wife is the first and most IMPORTANT Friend and CHANGING your wife and your children for friends is STUPID.
———————-
YOU MUST remember that “An obstinate, harmful, scandalous, unyielding wife - there is a FIRE in the house and the family dies because of this!”
Family happiness - unless the husband is a SCAG, not an EGOIST-tyrant and not a bitter drunkard - DEPENDS only on the wife! It’s sad if the husband is normal, but there is NO agreement in the family.
In family life, the smart person is not the one who insists on having his way, but the one who knows how to give in on time. In small things - always give in, little things are not worth arguing or swearing over.
Never answer with the word “No” to your husband’s proposal, even if you are categorically against it, say this: “It’s not a bad idea, but this and that confuses me,” and calmly state your objections. And then, listen to your husband's reasons. It is possible that you will be convinced that he is right.
And if the truth is on your side, then after listening to your calm arguments, he himself will agree with you and will respect you more for the fact that you do not stir up a scandal. And the agreement between you will become stronger.
The woman who acts unreasonably and STUPIDLY is the one who is always DISSATISFIED with her husband, gets irritated and rudely yells at him, ignores his opinion and does not listen, does everything in her own way, grumbles at him, constantly finds fault, and nags her husband or children. There has never been a case where someone who is scolded and nagged in this way has corrected his shortcomings.
Usually, in this case, the husband STARTS to rush and leave home, spend less time in it, starts drinking, and may even find another woman who will be more attentive and kinder to him than his own wife.
And it turns out that the woman herself cuts and DESTROYS the foundations of her family happiness. - “We don’t keep what we have—we cry when we lose it!”
The greatest feat of married life is, despite everything, to SAVE the family. It is most important. Even popular wisdom says: “If you endure it, you will fall in love.” That is, before learning to love, you NEED to learn each other’s weaknesses - to endure and FORGIVE each other - always and in everything. And so, fulfill the law of Christ. You need to LEARN - to endure kindly, to humble yourself, YOU NEED to learn - to KEEP peace. This is what constitutes the basis of family life. If this is not the case, then, of course, saving the family can be difficult.
**********************
People, when they - GET MARRIED, after registration - must - GET MARRIED in church - otherwise later, when they - DIE and come to God - their souls will NEVER - MEET in Paradise and will be forever - Separated from each other forever!
It is necessary for Orthodox Christians to get married, but in our times there is no way to Rush in this serious matter - it is IMPOSSIBLE.
Categorically - you CANNOT do what many women WANT, through the Sacrament of Wedding - to TIE your husband more tightly to yourself, such a wedding the Lord DOES NOT ACCEPT and does not BLESS - there WILL BE NO happiness.
A wedding in a church is not INSURANCE against divorce, and not a “magic” MEANS to TIE your spouse STRONGER to yourself.
Such a consumerist attitude towards the sacrament of Wedding is a Sin
Before the Wedding, the husband and wife must - LOVE each other truly and well - treat each other, they must be ready for the Sacrament of Wedding to be performed on them.
Both spouses must be believers, churchgoers, and not pretenders, that is, they must live a Spiritual life - know a certain minimum of prayers and constantly pray,
They must DESIRE to go to church on Sundays and holidays and understand the seriousness and importance of this. They must be able to Confess their sins and observe Fasts, and most importantly, they MUST strive to keep the Commandments of God.
Then such married marriages DO NOT BREAK UP, because divorce in general is simply impossible, and therefore the spouses live in peace, in love and harmony among themselves all their lives.
*************************
1. The husband must be the Master - in his family, but the owner - KIND and Generous, and the wife must be - KIND and OBEDIENT to her husband.
Husbands are indifferent to the house and DO NOT HELP their wives in only two cases: A) Either the husband is a Selfish and Dishonest person and DOES NOT LOVE his wife. B) Either the wife herself - proud, obstinate and harmful, STRIVES to be - Main and - Command everyone. Usually such families break up
2. The secret of happiness in family life is the kind ATTENTION of the spouses to each other. A husband and wife must constantly show each other SIGNS of the most TENDER Attention and love.
We need to PLEASE our family members MORE OFTEN and give them a good mood. Do something good and pleasant for your loved ones more often. GIVE - small gifts and make pleasant and unexpected surprises, even just buying something in the store that your spouse loves - and treating it, is already a big deal!
3. RESPECT and TRUST for each other. If there is NO Trust and Respect for each other in a family, this means that there is NO Love, that people live in a family - each with their own lives, and this is Loneliness together - the saddest thing that can happen in a family relationship. All together this means that between people either love is GONE, or it never HAPPENED.
4. FREEDOM in the family is one of the MAIN and most important conditions for a happy family life.
Each of the spouses must be - CONFIDENT in the other, as in himself, knowing that he will always be CORRECTLY understood, will never be let down, betrayed and Abandoned - in trouble.
You cannot - by force or material dependence - subordinate your spouse.
You cannot IMPOSE and dictate to him YOUR will and your vision of life, your views on life, establish and demand fulfillment without the voluntary consent of your spouse - some rules of behavior and life.
It is impossible to HUMILIATE, break and trample a person - God will not bless such a family and there will be no happiness in it.
The Lord gave the Commandment - “Love your neighbor as yourself”! That's all!
Either we treat our neighbors well and with RESPECT - and God blesses us and gives us happiness for our obedience and fulfillment of this Great Commandment of God! Either we treat our neighbors BADLY and therefore God punishes us and there is NO good in our lives.
Therefore, the first rule is RESPECT your spouse,
ACCEPT him as he is and rejoice and thank God that this person lives next to you,
And that in his heart the Lord has INVESTED Love for you and therefore TAKE CARE - this is a Great and precious feeling!
Cultivate it and STRENGTHEN it with your love, your tender attention, consent and understanding, your respect for your loved one.
Rudeness, indifference, selfishness, reproaches, nagging, swearing, shouting, irritability, lack of respect, humiliation, COMMAND Tone - like “I said it!” – all this DESTROYS and destroys people’s love – DESTROYS families.
The Lord, for a BAD attitude towards your neighbors, can DEPRIVE you of love and then there will be nothing good in your life. What we have, we don’t keep; when we lose it, we cry!
5. Common interests. Family is WE. A family is one big whole - indivisible, and therefore in a family - each of the spouses CANNOT live their own life separate from the other spouse.
If in a family the spouses STARTED to live their own lives, such a family will soon BREAK UP. This is one of the laws of family life.
WE NEED TO DISCUSS the pressing problems together. Important decisions MUST be made only TOGETHER.
If you ask for advice, it means you RESPECT, and this is always GOOD and serves to STRENGTHEN family relationships.
Take an interest in the affairs of your husband and your wife, ask them about their work, find out about their plans and doubts in order to advise something, help with something. Get out together outside the apartment - on a visit, to a cafe, to a museum, to a theater, for a walk in some park! Be together more often, it brings you closer.
Try to communicate more. Despite being very busy outside the home and having numerous household chores, FIND time for family communication.
A huge number of married couples have broken up only because the spouses have almost STOP communicating with each other.
6. MONEY. The family budget should be COMMON.
None - Yours and Mine, only one wallet. No one should hide or HIDE any money or income from the other spouse; spouses should always know how much each of them earns. No secret bank accounts.
Otherwise, there WILL NOT BE trust, and if there is no trust, love WILL GO AWAY.
Spouses must decide TOGETHER what purchases and things they will buy and what they will spend the money on.
In money matters there must be complete TRUST - otherwise any FALSE or CONCEALING of monetary income can DESTROY the trust of spouses in each other, and this is the beginning of family breakdown.
One of the spouses earns MORE, and the other earns LESS or does not work at all - this does not mean anything at all. Everything happens.
God forbid you, to reproach your spouse with a small salary is the best way to RUIN your family - you will not find a family! How to live with a stingy person? God does not give happiness to such people.
Also, it often happens that in a family - someone is better off financially, and the other is worse off - this also does not matter.
On the contrary, the more prosperous spouse should rejoice that he HAS the opportunity to HELP his spouse and his loved ones and relatives, and with his KINDNESS, his selfless help and care, firmly TIE their hearts to himself.
Women often consider DEPENDENCE on a man as a manifestation of personal weakness. Relying on a loved one is a good SIGN of normal family relationships. This is a SIGN of a friendly family and close relationships.
****************************
Give each other some FREE space. Each of us can have our own interests, our own friends, time for ourselves, but it SHOULD NOT be SECRET so that your spouse does not think that you have something to hide.
Respect the freedom, rights and hobbies of the person close to you. Never get into your bag or pockets, Do not rummage through desk drawers, Do not read other people’s letters and notes, Do not check your mobile phone or notebooks, Do not go to your spouse’s personal pages on the Internet - you are not a gendarme and not the prosecutor and your spouse - not the criminal.
There SHOULD BE NO SECRETS or secrets from each other in a family.
If in a family there is NO close, trusting relationship between spouses, this means that between husband and wife there is NO Trust, consent and mutual understanding, which means NO Love, therefore NO family!
—————-
Why do many people, having quarreled, CANNOT make peace with each other? Can't they forgive each other?
Yes, because the person who is guilty DOESN’T WANT to admit his GUILT, his WRONGNESS!
Admitting one's MISTAKES is the most IMPORTANT and MOST IMPORTANT thing in people's relationships, and this is especially IMPORTANT in the family relationships of spouses.
If people RECOGNIZE their mistakes, RECOGNIZE that they are WRONG, and ask for Forgiveness, then TRUST appears between people and only then is dialogue, RECONCILIATION and achievement of agreement between them POSSIBLE. Only then do relationships between people begin to DEVELOP further.
If people DO NOT RECOGNIZE their mistakes and their WRONGNESS, do not want to correct themselves, then a WALL appears - of misunderstanding and resentment between people, trust DISAPPEARS, family relationships reach a dead end and begin to CRASH.
Then people CANNOT and ARE NOT ABLE to come to an agreement and truly reconcile with each other.
————————
Remember one very wise rule: If you quarrel during the day, you must RECONCILE before the evening! If you quarrel at night, you must MAKE UP before the morning! Compliance with this law will SAVE your relationships and your family!
Don't do it out of spite. Try NOT to HURT someone else.
Never give any ultimatums - to each other. Do not order, do not command, do not speak in an orderly tone that does not tolerate objections. DON'T YELL - at each other, don't even RAISE your voice.
Never CRITICISE each other, try to refrain from reproaches and claims against each other - all these are types of Aggression, which will definitely turn against you - your spouse, and as a rule will lead to quarrels.
Don't make fun of each other. Swearing, insults and quarrels, criticism, any complaints - KILL love, DESTROY - family relationships and family!
And if a quarrel occurs, then - DO NOT HUMILIATE or insult the other person, DO NOT call him - HURTING words and try to stop the quarrel and reconcile in a kind way, try to calm the other person down. Therefore, always try to be FIRST - to approach and make peace. It is important.
********************************
One of the main reasons for the BAD family life of spouses, as well as for the Loneliness of people, is the INABILITY and reluctance of people to treat people WELL, Women - to men, and Men - to women.
Many women - treat men BADLY - CONSIDER them as bad, unreliable people, drunkards, quitters, womanizers - DO NOT RESPECT - men. But not all men are drunkards and womanizers - there are a LOT of normal men and JUDGING everyone is a big Sin!
That’s why all such women DO NOT have family happiness, because they DO NOT RESPECT other people and men, they consider them WORSE, they think about themselves and think Evilly about people! There will be no happiness for their daughters either.
IT WILL NOT happen until they REPENT of this sin and CORRECT and learn to RESPECT men. And you MUST learn to treat all people WELL - otherwise there will be no good in life.
A man is the image of God; by not respecting men, a woman insults God! Therefore, the Lord does not give such women happiness!
—————
We need to PROTECT love in the family! We need to take care of our feelings for each other! You need to take care of your family!
You need to Fight for your love and, if necessary, then PROTECT it from everyone who wants to destroy your family - even if they are people close and dear to you!
You need to understand that God gives love and happiness - only once!
And if a person knows that he is loved and yet STRUGGLES over his loved one, DOES NOT VALUE his feelings, insults and humiliates the person who loves him, treats him Unfairly - then he thereby KILLS - in this person Self-Love and Destroys his family!
Such a person must know that God will never GIVE him happiness again! After all, they gave it to him once, but he didn’t save it!
But if a person - REPENTS and CHANGES - becomes a good person, if the Lord - BELIEVES him - then God can forgive him and can give him - happiness once again. This happens sometimes.
*************************
It is very dangerous to DENY a man - ATTENTION and SEX - without a good reason, for example, illness. And it is IMPOSSIBLE to deceive at all - sooner or later the deception will be revealed and then - DIVORCE. A man will neither tolerate nor forgive.
Often a wife, BEING OFFENSED by her husband, or wanting to achieve something, DENIES him intimacy, SEX.
This is not only a big STUPIDITY, but it is provoking a husband to cheat, and this is a direct DESTRUCTION of the family!
Well, once, you were offended and refused to have sex with your husband, two times - you show your whim or give an ultimatum to your husband, three - you refused, saying that you are supposedly not in the mood or have a headache, and the fourth time, your husband will either take a mistress - and this Sin falls on you. Or he will leave completely and FIND himself another woman who will always need him.
By doing this, over and over again - REFUSING sex to your husband - you yourself PUSH your husband away - from yourself and in the end he will LOSE all interest in you.
And then, it will be too late to cry - he will NOT NEED you, and if he DOESN’T NEED you - as a woman, then even more so as a wife. That’s it, you can consider that you no longer have your family.
A man, when he is denied intimacy, perceives it as a very serious personal offense that may never be forgiven.
Sex, of course, is not the main thing, it only helps so that people BE REALLY CLOSE to each other.
But for a man, the understanding that he is always NEEDED and close to his wife is very IMPORTANT, and if a woman DENIES him Sex, Intimacy, then he REVIEWS this as a REJECTION of himself, for him it is humiliating, and most importantly, he begins to know that the woman DOES NOT LOVE him. This is one of the main reasons when husbands LEAVE their wives.
And very IMPORTANT! Husbands - TEACH your wives - CHASTITY. Do not allow any sinful perversions in sex - do not corrupt your loved one and yourself. If there are such Sinful desires or there have been attempts - Confess these sins and be PURE. Where perverted lustful passion dwells, love LEAVES. And if love goes away, YOU WILL LOSE your loved one and family. Keep - pure relationships, this is the key to family happiness.
—————————
Parents - try to explain to your children so that they TAKE CARE of their PURITY - CHASTITY and before marriage - DO NOT ENTER INTO SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH ANYONE. This is very, very IMPORTANT! Otherwise, they WILL NOT have happiness in life. God WILL NOT GIVE!
Your children SHOULD NOT watch any kind of Pornography or Erotica. Pornography and Erotica – DEPRIVES a person of SHAME and CORRUPTS the soul. And the person who has LOST Shame is LEAVED by the Lord and does not keep.
Girls must TAKE CARE of their Maiden HONOR - men APPRECIATE this very much and therefore everyone is so PURE, girls always get married EASY - and God gives them happiness, strong families and healthy children.
It is also IMPORTANT that parents DO NOT ALLOW PRODIGIOUS cohabitation of your children in a civil marriage. If people love each other, they HONESTLY register their marriage and live together - only in a legal family. And the Lord blesses only such families.
Because of Prodigal cohabitation, God DOES NOT GIVE family happiness to your children, and if there is NO family happiness, then people’s destinies DESTROY. In prodigal cohabitations, SICK and defective children with BAD genes are usually born; as a rule, such children DO NOT have anything good in life, and their parents are GUILTY for this - because they lived in a civil marriage.
Hegumen Georgy (Shestun)
************************************
Quarrels and swearing always end BADLY, even if people seem to have calmed down and reconciled, but in reality this is not the case, in every person’s soul there always remains and gradually ACCUMULATES a bitter, offensive aftertaste and emptiness.
Unsolvable problems and grievances of a person, if they are NOT HEARD, do not want to UNDERSTAND, and are not taken into account, can sooner or later forever RUIN relationships between people, and in family life can LEAD TO THE DESTRUCTION of the family, to divorce!
Our resentments, hostility, dissatisfaction and unkind feelings towards another person, if we DO NOT FORGIVE and do not put up with kindness, HAVE the ability to ACCUMULATE in the soul.
If we DO NOT put up with each other kindly, if we do not strive to understand the other person, to give in to him, if we DO NOT WANT to agree with him, we do not want to take his opinion into account - then RESULTS accumulate in the souls of people and sooner or later late - families are DESTROYED.
Therefore, if we kindly DO NOT FORGIVE each other, do not make peace with each other, then in the end all our grievances and claims against each other ACCUMULATE to a dangerous level, after which reconciliation between spouses is no longer POSSIBLE.
Love and good feelings completely DISAPPEAR, giving way to bitterness and anger - families usually in this case fall apart.
In addition to complete reconciliation between spouses, in order for grievances not to ACCUMULATE, and along with grievances, subconscious AGGRESSION in the souls of spouses, Repentance for sins and grievances is necessary, so that the Lord Himself will REMOVE from our souls all grievances, all aggression and discontent, and even itself - the memory of our grievances and claims to each other.
When a lot of mutual grievances, dissatisfaction and claims against each other ACCUMULATE between spouses, then quarrels START to break out - over every trifle, which ultimately turns the family life of the spouses into a continuous battle and will not end well.
Therefore, in order for the spouses to CALM DOWN and the long-awaited Peace and Harmony to come, it is necessary to GO to Confession in church and everything carefully - to confess and take communion.
After this - there always COMES in the house - great Peace and Harmony and people live calmly and then they are surprised - how they used to quarrel so much and often among themselves.
Detailed confession of our quarrels, grievances and claims against each other completely RESTORES good family relationships.
That is, when we honestly, without hiding anything and WITHOUT JUSTIFYING ourselves - confess to the priest WHY - we treat each other BADLY, get irritated, scream, swear, grumble, reproach and offend each other, do not give in, do not forgive - it is completely ERASED from our souls all the anger, all the discontent, all the irritability, all the grievances and claims towards each other, and our souls are FILLED with Peace, Love, and people begin to treat each other well and kindly and live peacefully.
The house is restored - Peace and harmony, everyone feels good. Now you yourself understand how IMPORTANT sincere and detailed Repentance for your sins is.
That is why, the Sacrament of Repentance and the Sacrament of Communion of the Holy Mysteries is the BEST medicine for the human soul and the BEST MEANS for IMPROVING family life and good marital relationships.
————————————————-
DANGER - JEALOUSY,
Jealousy is, as a rule, the ordinary SELFISHNESS of spouses.
Many are jealous because they CONSIDER that a loved one is their PERSONAL PROPERTY – A THING.
If a person’s jealousy is based - not on love, but on pure EGOISM, on the feeling of Ownership, on calculation - then such jealousy is INCORRECTABLE and very DANGEROUS. Then it is better to part with such a person, and it is dangerous to live with a jealous person.
You should not confuse and mistake LOVE for Selfish jealousy - these are completely different things.
To be jealous of someone who LOVES is complete senselessness and STUPIDITY, and to be jealous of someone who DOESN'T LOVE is simply Useless!
Such people think only about themselves, so that only they feel good, and therefore, they consider themselves right to put forward their claims and dubious suspicions to their loved ones, to reproach, to RUIN their lives with scandals.
They forget about the main thing, that RUDE, reproaches and swearing CANNOT force a person to love themselves, but it is very easy to LOSE your last feelings and relationships.
A normal person CAN be a little jealous, but he is JEALOUS - Silently, he does not make a scandal because he does not want to HURT his loved one with jealousy. And this feeling is normal, it shows that a person cares about another person.
You won’t be forced to be nice! If a person DOESN’T LOVE you, then you will never MAKE him love you with RUDE, reproaches and scandals! On the contrary, you will only drive him away from you with your Bad Behavior and Wild Jealousy!
PARABLE - WHY PEOPLE QUARTER.
In one small town, two families live next door. Some spouses constantly quarrel, BLAMING each other for all troubles and finding out which of them is RIGHT, while others live peacefully and amicably, they have no quarrels, no scandals.
The obstinate housewife marvels at her neighbor’s happiness. Jealous. He says to his husband: “Go and see how they do it so that everything is smooth and quiet.” He came to the neighbor's house and hid under the open window. Watching. Listens. And the hostess is just putting things in order in the house. He wipes the dust off an expensive vase. Suddenly the phone rang, the woman got distracted, and put the vase on the edge of the table, so that it was about to fall.
But then her husband needed something in the room. He caught a vase, it fell and broke. “Oh, what’s going to happen now!” the neighbor thinks.
The wife came up, sighed with regret, and said to her husband: “I’m sorry, dear.” I AM GUILTY. I placed the vase so carelessly. - What are you doing, honey? It's my fault. I was in a hurry and didn’t notice the vase. Anyway. I’ll give you another flower vase, even more beautiful.
... The neighbor’s heart sank painfully, he began to think, and the neighbor realized why he and his wife were constantly quarreling. He came home upset. His wife to him: “What took you so long?” Have you looked?
- Yes, he says, he looked! - Well, how are they doing? – They are all GUILTY, they all calm each other down, feel sorry for each other.
But with us, everyone is RIGHT. Neither you nor I give in to each other. That's why we fight with you all the time.
***************************************
If the husband DRINKS, then the wife must KNOW that by this the Lord is PUNISHING the wife and only the wife and therefore DOES NOT GIVE her happiness in family life.
For - INDIFFERENCE towards God. For - committed own Sins, mainly for PRIDE, high self-esteem, For - disrespect and DISOBEDIENCE - of your husband, For - constant DISCONTENT - with your husband and your life, For the fact that you want MUCH, for GREED and selfishness, For - Spiritual NEGLIGENCE and forgetfulness of God are for lack of humility.
Therefore, before you BLAME your husband for being so bad and a drunkard, wouldn’t it be better to do your own Repentance and correction?
After all, God punished you with your husband’s drunkenness, first of all, which means that God expects from you Repentance, and most importantly, obedience and zealous life according to the Laws of God.
The whole trouble is that if many normal women who love and care for their families HAD good husbands who, just like their wives, would love their families and take care of them, then, as the old man says Paisiy: “Both spouses would fall asleep - in their little earthly family happiness.” And so, they would LOST - the Kingdom of Heaven.
But it happens that the husband is really an incorrigible drunkard - from a drinking family - usually you CANNOT CORRECT such people and it is better to marry them - NOT TO MARRY. If a man LIKES to drink and he drinks - every day, not at all - without worrying that with his drinking he is not allowing his loved ones to live - why live with him? This is silly.
Spouses must - PROTECT their Faith in God, so that family happiness, everyday life, worries about children and the household - would not wean them off from praying and going to Church.
So that they do not grow cold towards God, otherwise there may be trouble.
God STOPS helping people if he SEES that people HAVE BEEN PASSIONATE with their household chores and troubles, building earthly well-being, STOPPED praying, going to church, BECOME INDIFFERENT towards God, BECOME ungrateful and selfish people.
Then God - Leaves such careless people and REMOVES from them His Divine COVER - which KEPT people - from troubles and misfortunes.
Then people START having difficult problems in life. Then don't cry.
Many families
