Why you can’t cry for the deceased, greatly yearn and grieve, and, even more so, kill yourself, the Old Believer Commissar of Qatar will tell us. In his authoritative opinion, to lie down, cry, moan and yearn is to surrender to be devoured by the demon. In any, even the most difficult situation. When we cannot stop crying for a loved one who has gone to the kingdom of heaven - a husband, wife, daughter, son... a day, another, a week, a month, then we are not crying for him. First of all, we feel sorry for ourselves. What is needed is not lamentations and groans, but a bright memory of those who have died and gone to the kingdom of heaven. Let the bright memory of a bright person be a manifestation of our boundless love for the deceased. And it will show all the power of our sadness and grief from the loss of a loved one.
I want to start with the words of Jesus Christ, which testify to the mystery of death in earthly life:
“Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone; and if it dies, it will bear much fruit. He who loves his soul will destroy it; but he who hates his life in this world will keep it to eternal life. Whoever serves Me, let him follow Me...” (John 12:23-26)
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We rather hypothetically believe in the continuation of the life of our soul after the death of the body. And this is wrong. It is this circumstance, first and foremost, that becomes the cause of immense longing and endless tears for the deceased person.
If we truly believed that now the soul of our loved one appeared before God, then the tears would dry up by themselves. Firstly, is it possible to endlessly mourn a person who has returned to his native home? This is, to some extent, even blasphemous. And, secondly, our tears would be stopped by fear for him. How is he doing, what is his Father doing to him, does he have anything to answer? And this is a bright memory of a good, kind, and for you, wonderful and dearest person. Qatar will further explain what it means to cry for a deceased person.
Jesus Christ shed tears when he received the news of the death of Lazarus
Jesus Christ himself shed tears when he received the news of the death of Lazarus. Why did he cry if he knew that the Soul was immortal?
He saw how the deceased’s loved ones were suffering and sympathized with their grief. Jesus shed tears and showed people the extent of how to mourn the dead.
The Savior, in a conversation with his disciples, compares death to sleep. He says he is going to “wake up” Lazarus. (Gospel of John).
He had no reason to mourn the death of Lazarus. For Jesus, resurrecting a friend was as simple as waking him from sleep.
Conversation of the Savior with the relatives of the deceased. Jesus shed tears because he felt compassion for his grief-stricken relatives, and not because of the death of a friend. For Jesus, death is just a dream, and separation from the deceased is temporary
Is it possible to make repairs
Repairs can be made after a funeral, but only after 40 days have passed after death. The soul of the deceased visits from time to time to see how loved ones live. She would like to see a familiar environment; changes can anger the spirit.
After 40 days, at a minimum, you will have to replace the bed on which the deceased slept, as well as the bed (sofa, floor or staircase covering, chair, etc.) that became the deathbed. The bed of a dead person cannot be used by his bloodline. It can be given away or sold. There is no need to install a new bed; use the freed up space as you see fit.
The place of death will continue to exude necrotic energy for several years. Therefore, it is necessary to replace everything that came into contact with the dying person, be it the floor covering where he fell, or furniture and bedding. As a rule, such things are thrown away or burned. In the villages they do it a little differently - they take it to the chicken coop for three so that the rooster “sinks away all the negativity.”
The personal belongings of the deceased are usually distributed to the poor or sold. This doesn't just apply to clothes. Your favorite cup or plate, ashtray, anti-stress toy - you shouldn’t keep it all. Although many leave it in memory of the deceased.
You should not cry for the deceased, because inconsolable tears are harmful to your health.
Some people do not fully understand why one should not cry for the deceased.
It is impossible to completely give up tears in difficult times.
The grief of loss must be deeply understood and experienced.
Emotional experiences with tears are a normal reaction of the human psyche to bereavement.
But you need to mourn the deceased in moderation so as not to harm yourself or him. You cannot exhaust yourself with suffering and cry for a long time for the deceased.
Bitter tears appear from weak faith in the Lord, when people who have lost a loved one forget that the life of a loved one did not end with death.
The person passed into another world, only the physical body died.
A loved one has died
Do your departed loved ones from heaven see that you are crying? Can they see your tears? The answer to this question is yes. Your loved ones are completely observant of everything that happens to you, including the tears on your face.
There is nothing that escapes their attention. Remember, no matter what happens, they are always on your side. And when they see your tears, they try to send you something that will cause joy and provoke at least a slight smile on your face through these tears.
They know that your tears are an indicator of the great love that you experience. They also know how much you miss them.
However, there is another important point: your loved ones and loved ones, while in Heaven, are absolutely unable to sense a negative message, thought, feeling or emotion. This means that your loved ones know that you miss them, however, they do not miss you...
Let me clarify this point as well. Since there is no negativity in Heaven, they are unable to miss you. Instead of missing you, they just love you. This is the truth you need to accept and understand.
There, in heaven, they experience pure, unconditional and unshakable love for those who remain on earth. They are confident that they will meet you when you get to heaven. Therefore, there is no point in missing someone.
Our time here on Earth seems to last forever... In heaven, our life is just a blink of an eye....
Our separation from the dead is temporary, everything is God’s will
Immediately after death, the deceased need the support of loved ones more than during life.
Death comes suddenly. People leave for another world without having time to confess and repent. Unrepentant sins weigh heavily on the deceased. But he can no longer change his fate, his path in life. That’s when his family and friends provide him with prayerful support.
Constantly mourning the deceased harms not only you, but also him.
The deceased will face difficult trials.
He must be held accountable for every day he lives, for every unseemly act. And then his relatives are crying, instead of praying for him.
Let's remember the lines of the Bible:
“Another of His disciples said to Him:
God! let me first go and bury my father.
But Jesus said to him, “Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead.”
(Gospel of Matthew)
Of course, the point here is not that Jesus did not allow the disciple to bury his father. It speaks of unbelievers who are “dead in soul.” About the fact that we need to follow the Lord and believe that the dead do not die, that our separation from them is temporary.
Those who do not believe that the soul lives after the death of the physical body are themselves dead.
There is one more important point that I would like to emphasize from the above episode of Holy Scripture. The disciple turns to Jesus with a request, but the Lord refuses him.
We must never forget that everything is God’s will. Not a single hair will fall from your head without the will of the Lord.
When someone dies, it is God’s will.
Therefore, the death of loved ones must be accepted with humility. To cry and suffer greatly means to resist the will of God. Rejection of the will of the Lord is a sin.
“So do not be afraid of them, for there is nothing hidden that will not be revealed, and nothing hidden that will not be known.
What I tell you in the dark, speak in the light; and whatever you hear in the ear, preach on the housetops.
And do not be afraid of those who kill the body, but cannot kill the soul; but fear Him more who can destroy both soul and body in Gehenna.
Are not two small birds sold for an assarium?
And not one of them will fall to the ground without the will of your Father; Even the hairs on your head are all numbered; Do not be afraid: you are better than many small birds.”
(Gospel of Matthew)
What to do after the death of a loved one
So here's what Farah Gibson has to say about this:
I will try to answer these questions honestly. So, let's start with the topic of whether it is possible to mourn deceased loved ones.
The tears you cry for a loved one who has gone to Heaven are special. They are different from the ones we shed in other situations.
These tears are not filled with pain that you convey to your loved one in heaven. There is no hatred, anger, guilt, disappointment or any other negative emotion in your tears that could cause pain or harm to the souls of your loved ones.
Your tears are exclusively tears of love. Your love for them is the driving force behind these tears.
But perhaps you are angry at them for leaving you or feel guilty about leaving? And this is possible... Anyone who has lost a loved one often experienced similar emotions. However, in any case, there is love behind them.
Anger, disappointment, resentment, guilt - all these negative emotions are created by the human mind. These are the thoughts, feelings and emotions that we overcome on the path of grief. But your tears do not come from feelings of anger, frustration or anger.
Your tears are nothing less than the life you shared with your loved ones. Your tears represent the moments you long to share with your loved ones in the physical world. Your tears represent moments when you miss them here in the physical world. Your tears represent the unconditional, unwavering and pure Love you feel for your departed loved ones.
How to properly see off the dead on their last journey
Some people are mistaken when they think that heartbreaking sobs at a funeral are proof of love for the deceased. The tradition of loudly mourning the deceased came from paganism and has not been eliminated to this day.
An Orthodox Christian should accompany the deceased on his final journey calmly and with restraint.
Release the deceased with love in your heart.
1. Pray more often for the soul of the deceased after the funeral service and funeral. For the first 40 days, light a church candle and pray daily. You can do this in church, but you can also do it at home, as your heart dictates. The main thing is to pray sincerely.
After all, the Soul, which has recently left the body, experiences anxiety and fear. After an ordinary life in a human body, the Soul does not know what lies ahead, where the Lord will determine. After death, a person gives an answer for his entire life, and his future fate is determined.
2. Ask the Lord to forgive the deceased’s voluntary and involuntary sins. Go to the Divine Liturgy in church.
In the Orthodox Church there are days for remembrance of the dead - Parents' Saturdays. On these special days, we remember the dead, pray for them, and thereby remind ourselves of the death that will come to everyone.
These days you need to pray to the Lord for all deceased people, not only for loved ones. This is a tribute from the living to the dead.
Parents' Saturdays are special church days when it is customary to remember the deceased and pray for salvation. These days, Orthodox Christians come to the graves of deceased relatives, bring flowers, and give out alms.
3. Remember the deceased on the 3rd, 9th and 40th days.
Theophan the Recluse wrote:
“The deceased do not suddenly get used to a new life.
Even the Saints retain their earthiness for some time.
Until it weathers, it takes more or less time, judging by the degree of earthiness and attachment to the earthly.
Tretiny, devyatiny and sorochiny indicate the degree of purification from earthiness.”
On the anniversary of the death, a wake is also organized, alms are distributed, and a memorial service is ordered.
“The day of death is better than the day of birth,” wrote Blessed Jerome of Stridon, and explained this by the fact that birth binds the freedom of the soul to the body, and death frees it.
Is it possible to watch TV
For obvious reasons, there are no old signs on this matter, but as mentioned above, televisions are supposed to be covered, just like mirrors. You can open them at the same time as the mirrors. That is, either after the funeral, or after the third, ninth or fortieth day.
The Church does not prohibit watching TV, but recommends abstaining from entertainment for at least nine days. You can watch news and educational programs, but it’s better to postpone watching movies and talk shows. You cannot turn on the TV in a house where a dead person is lying. Wait until the funeral is over. If the deceased was not close to you, the restriction does not apply to you.
These rules also apply to listening to music. The exception is church hymns. If you wish, you can listen to classical music. By the way, the funeral orchestra is a Soviet innovation. In the old days, prayers and religious chants accompanied the funeral procession.
How can we help the deceased?
Orthodox priests instruct that caring for our dead is a Christian duty. The main concern is fervent prayer for the repose of the soul and the forgiveness of sins. Establish a strong prayer connection with the deceased person, and it will be easier to cope with the loss.
“The dead need prayers like the poor need a piece of bread and a cup of water.”
(St. Theophan the Recluse).
There is no need to suffer desperately and shed tears. Despair is one of the seven deadly sins, a spiritual illness. Faith in the Lord is the best cure for despondency.
Our Christian duty is to take care of the grave of the deceased with faith in our hearts, remember him, order memorial services, magpies, read the psalter, light candles in the church.
A memorial service is a service for a deceased person. This church rite over the body of the deceased is performed before burial, then on the 3rd, 9th, 40th day, and on the anniversary after death
It is useful to cleanse the soul, take communion, confess, read the lives of the Holy Elders. Do good deeds in memory of a deceased loved one, give alms. After all, there are so many living people around who need help.
The best memorial service is our virtuous life.
May God give us the strength to learn to live without a loved one, keeping a long, bright memory of him.
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Should I keep photos of the dead?
The answer is yes. Photos are memories of a dear person, a memory for his grandchildren and great-grandchildren. By destroying photographs of the deceased, you allow his descendants to never know about him.
But still, the image of a dead person is connected with the world of the dead. Psychics can determine from a photo whether a person is alive or not. Therefore, you should not look at photographs of the deceased too often. You also can’t overdo it with their quantity on the walls, shelves and tables. Do not hang near portraits of living people; separate living and dead energies. The best place to store it is a photo album.
Photographs taken during the funeral carry much more negativity. It's best not to do them. But, if there are already photos, it is better to destroy them. It doesn’t matter what is depicted there - a coffin, a cemetery, the funeral process, they are a strong source of necrotic energy.
What to do if you wake up crying
Medical science regarding nightmares about deceased relatives, which are accompanied by crying, speaks of fears; they indicate difficulties with the well-being of the dormant person. Experts recommend focusing on the functioning of the cardiovascular system; the body warns of failures.
Restless dreams about the dead have a chance to manifest themselves due to fatigue and stress. Doctors recommend eating light foods in small quantities in the evening; overeating can cause nightmares.
Source
The opinion of official medicine
Official medicine also expresses concerns about nightmares about the loss of loved ones, which are accompanied by tears, since they indicate health problems in the sleeping person. Doctors advise paying attention to the functioning of the cardiovascular system; perhaps the body is warning about malfunctions in its functioning.
Anxious dreams can occur against the background of overwork and nervous breakdowns. Experts do not rule out the occurrence of nightmares due to overeating at night, so nutritionists advise eating light foods in the evening - this will ensure sound and restful sleep.
Source
Mourning a father in a dream
The dream about the death of the father echoes the previous one and foretells success in business for the dreamer. However, it has small additions. For a young woman, the father is usually the model man in family relationships, and a dream about his death may indicate disappointment in trying to create a real union. For a married woman, such a dream can serve as a warning: perhaps she is too demanding of her husband and is destroying the marriage with her own hands. The dream book advises you to reconsider your attitude towards family rights and responsibilities.
