Good question “The demon is processing”: Various people who left the monastery talk about their experiences

By entering a monastery, a person renounces everything worldly and takes vows of virginity, obedience and non-covetousness. But it also happens that a monk cannot or does not want to keep these vows any longer and wants to leave the monastery.

Monastery abbots cannot prevent such a desire. But they are obliged to try to persuade those who want to become a layman to stay and not renounce their vows. But what happens if the monk cannot be dissuaded?

Labornik

The next stage is for the one who withstands all the tests of the previous stage with honor, which, as practice shows, few can do. Before becoming a monk, the candidate will have to go through the path of the laborer. This is the name of a person who serves as an assistant to clergy. The worker is required to permanently reside in the monastery, and strict adherence to all the rules accepted there is also necessary. In particular, future monks get up at five in the morning, observe fasts, and spend their days at work. They are forced to clean rooms, help in the kitchen or in the garden, and are assigned other tasks. Of course, a lot of time is devoted to prayers.

The workers live in the monastery for about three years, this is necessary in order to strengthen their decision. A person who wants to devote himself to serving God must understand that he will have to work hard physically. This is also true for those who in worldly life were primarily engaged in mental work, have a diploma of higher education, or worked in a leadership position.

Confession about life in the Intercession Monastery

Share:

You've probably read the news about how the abbess of the monastery was found to have a Mercedes worth 9.5 million rubles. There in the monastery there is a shelter for girls. Diana, my hospice colleague, lived in this shelter.

The center of Moscow, Taganskaya metro station, Pokrovsky Monastery, where the relics of the Matrona of Moscow are located and where hundreds of pilgrims go every day. The territory of the monastery is fenced. Inside there is another fence - behind it is the abbess's house and the building where the nuns and girls from the orphanage live.

Diana lived at home until the 3rd grade and studied at a regular school, where she had many friends and a favorite teacher. Mom and grandmother began to go to church very actively, there was talk at home that the end of the world was soon and we had to save ourselves. Once my mother said that she was in the Intercession Monastery, it was very beautiful there, she saw girls, they live a real Orthodox life at the monastery. “Let’s try to live there too,” Diana’s mother said. A few weeks later Diana was taken to the monastery.

This is what life looked like in the Intercession Monastery in 2004–2007 through the eyes of a girl from the orphanage:

"Things. It was possible to take very minimal things from home. Phone, toys, clothes are not allowed.

Everyone was given the same clothes - long black skirts, black and white scarves. School uniform – black dresses and aprons. Festive clothing – sundresses and dresses. I didn't like wearing long black skirts.

It was impossible to cut my hair. Hair had to be grown out and braided. In 4 years I have never had my hair cut.

Room. 4 girls lived in one room. When the rules were tightened, 10 girls were placed in one room.

The nun who was in charge of the orphanage was called Mother Concordia. She was in charge of everything and was nasty. Another nun was directly with us; she was like a teacher. At first her name was, I think, Lydia. Over the course of 4 years, her name was changed 3 times - when she became a novice, then a nun, then a nun - her names were changed. She was strict, but understanding.

My name is Diana, and in baptism - Lyuba. There everyone was called by their baptismal name. I didn't like being called that.

There was a limit on meetings with relatives - once every two weeks. It was possible to meet on the territory of the monastery. First one on one, and when the rules became stricter - only in the presence of a nun. 2 little girls cried a lot when their mother arrived, then their mother was forbidden to come. Parents turned everyone against it. I was told that no one needed me, that my mother drank and was almost a prostitute (although my mother definitely did not drink). They said: “You should be grateful to us that you live here, if we kick you out, where will you go?” It was possible to call home with the blessing of the abbess. If the abbess was in a good mood, she allowed it; if she was in a bad mood, she did not.

They were terribly afraid of the abbess. She rarely came to us, I only remember that she just cursed all the time. She had a cell attendant through whom you could make an appointment. It was necessary to coordinate with the abbess: calls home, purchases of clothes and things, trips home. She could say yes or no.

Punishments. While we were at school, the nuns searched our room every day. They checked under the pillow, under the mattress, and the closet. If the closet was a mess, all things were thrown on the floor. I often had a mess in my closet. They were punished for theft, if you were rude, if you didn’t clean up well. If between breakfast, lunch and dinner you are caught with food. If you don’t obey, if you don’t read prayers. We were not beaten, the punishment was the number of prostrations or additional obedience. When I stole something from the food, I was forced in the refectory, where the abbess and nuns were eating, to make prostrations throughout the entire time they were eating. They were punished for communicating with pilgrims and other people who did not live in the monastery. If we took gifts from them, we were then forced to bow.

Hole in the fence. Where there is now a red brick wall, there used to be an ordinary fence. Under the fence I found a hole through which we escaped from the monastery to the city several times a week. But for this, normal clothes were needed; those who went home brought them and then hid them in a bag on the street. We took off our monastic clothes and left them near the fence. If someone managed to save cosmetics from home, they wore makeup. We walked around Moscow, mainly went to the store for chips and soda. Sometimes we went down to the subway (there were girls who had never seen the subway before). They also ran away at night. The last time we returned, there were no packages with shelter clothes, someone spotted us and took them. We ran to the shelter in the city.

It was forbidden to have money. But it was possible to steal money from the donation box in the temple. On the box it was written “orphanage” or “for children,” so we didn’t consider taking it from there as theft, because it was money for us. We buried the money in the ground so that the nuns would not find it.

We studied on the territory of the monastery. There was a school in one of the monastery towers. The teacher taught lessons to several classes at once. Teachers were forbidden to communicate with us outside of class or bring us gifts. If a teacher broke the rules, he was replaced. There was a computer at school - an old one, without Internet access. We were taught to type on it. At night we would sneak into the classroom to play on the computer. We did not go to school during the first and last weeks of Lent, the first week of Easter. And if there were Orthodox holidays during the week, we didn’t study either. Now I heard that children from the orphanage are already being taken to a regular school.

Obediences. In the morning we went to school, and in the evening we had obedience. In the refectory for nuns, set the table, wash dishes, cut salads. Cleaning the corridors, cleaning the temple, keeping an eye on the candles in the temple. They came after us and checked, if we cleaned badly, everything had to be redone. In the summer we were taken to a farmstead, there were fields with potatoes, we had to weed them - from morning until lunch every day. The easiest obedience was to stand in the temple where the relics of Matrona were, handing out flowers to pilgrims. We changed every 4 hours; we were on duty twice a day. On weekends, obedience is in the refectory all day.

We read prayers every morning for 40 minutes. In the evening, another 40 minutes of evening prayers in the temple with the sisters. Every day we had a religious procession through the monastery, also with prayers. They didn’t explain to us why the religious procession was needed; we thought that in this way we were protecting the territory.

We were never fed meat. Monday, Wednesday and Friday are fast days. On holidays they baked something, on other days the food was the same. The first, then the second. You had to eat everything on the plate; you couldn’t leave the table until you finished eating. I don't like soups. Soups were given as a starter every day, we had to eat. Sweets were given in limited quantities; chips were not given at all.

There was a room in the monastery where everything for the holidays was stored - wine, liqueurs, beautiful dishes. The room was not locked. We stole wine there. We drank several times a week, we were often drunk, could not get up, and behaved inappropriately. One time we all felt really bad from the wine and vomited. The nuns said that we all had food poisoning. I fell asleep at the table while my sisters and I were eating, but no one paid attention to it. The nuns pretended not to notice that the children were drunk, tried not to advertise it and did not tell the abbess - otherwise they would have had problems later.

When they built their house for the abbess on the territory of the monastery, the workers often left cigarettes, and we smoked them.

Only women lived in the monastery. We had no opportunity to communicate with the boys. One girl had a brother, he was not allowed into the territory because he was a boy. One girl was dating a worker. They didn't have sex, they just kissed. The nuns took the girl to the gynecologist to have her checked. One nun ran away from the monastery to meet men.

Accordion. The abbess had the idea that all children should play musical instruments. No one was given a choice of what to play, and I was forced to play the button accordion. They also forced us to sing, and I couldn’t stand it.

No birthdays were celebrated there. They only celebrated the day of the angel - but they didn’t really celebrate, they just gave us a gift - an icon, a prayer book, a notebook. And the abbess, by the way, celebrated her birthday, guests came to her.

Medicine. During the entire time I lived there, we were taken from the monastery once to get vaccinations. When we were sick, the nuns treated us themselves; they did not call a doctor. There was a first aid kit containing very tasty throat lozenges and a doctor mom, we stole them.

We were taken outside the monastery fence in the winter to the Kremlin for the Christmas tree, and in the summer to the monastery courtyard in the Orekhovo-Zuevsky district. That's it. The courtyard also has a fenced area - there is a temple, a vegetable garden, a farm, a pond and the abbess’s house. By the way, the abbess always had her own cars and a personal driver.

We were told that you would graduate and go wherever you wanted. But practically it was not like that. The girl wanted to go to medical school, but they wanted to make her a nun; she was kicked out of the monastery because of this. There was a case when a girl was not allowed to finish her studies at the institute and was made first a novice, then a nun. Very young people were tonsured as nuns, they said that there should be the required number of nuns in the monastery.

I came up with the idea of ​​escaping from the monastery. 4 girls wanted to run. If I had run home, they would probably have killed me for it. Therefore, they decided to run to a relative of one girl. We packed our things and got ready. On the day of the escape, we decided to tell the teacher about this, who was very kind, and we thought that she was on our side. The teacher told the abbess. The abbess yelled at us loudly. After that, instead of 4, 10 people were put in one room. It was no longer possible to go out freely; we were marched in formation and locked up. We build into a refectory, we build into a temple. It became impossible to move freely. By the way, the teacher was also kicked out of the monastery and was forbidden to communicate with us.

They told us about God that if you don’t take communion, you’ll go to hell. If you cheat, you will also go to hell. We feared God.

Every week we had to confess, this could not be refused. We quickly realized that if you said something during confession, it was reported to the abbess. From the confession of one girl, the abbess learned that we drank wine. I stopped telling anything real. There was a book with a list of sins, I copied the sins from there and read it during confession.

Due to an escape attempt and other violations, the monastery called my mother and said that she could live in the monastery herself and then they would leave me there, or they needed to take me away. Mom came to the monastery and lived there for 2 weeks. She didn't like all these rules and took me home.

I was 13 years old. I was sent to a new school. I didn’t tell anyone about the monastery - I was embarrassed about it. She just said that I was transferred from another school.

I had difficulties in communication. I was afraid of everything. The school was large, 3 floors, I had to look for classrooms there, I was afraid that I wouldn’t find it. I was afraid to take the subway; in the monastery they only took us by car. Everything was new, it was very scary. I didn't have any friends. The education in the monastery was terrible, at the new school I realized that I didn’t know mathematics. But the class was good, they began to support me, a psychologist worked with us. I was completely scared for a month, then friends appeared.

At first I went to the monastery to visit the girls, but then I didn’t want to communicate with anyone from the monastery anymore.

After that I almost stopped going to church.”

PS Because it’s important to hear both sides, here’s the version through the eyes of the monastery

Original

^ CHAPTER 7. How a monk prepares for bed

1. Always remember that the night may be your last.
2. Get into the habit of always checking yourself in the evening and, if your conscience denounces you, repenting.
3. Pray earnestly for the night to pass without sin.
4. When falling asleep, trust God and the Guardian Angel.
5. Guard yourself from evil thoughts and the machinations of the enemy, that is, protect your soul, and immediately cut off any embarrassing memory or idea, not allowing yourself to dwell on it for a minute. For everything that has already entered through negligence, ask for God’s forgiveness and help.
6. No matter how many times during the night you have to wake up, do not miss the opportunity to turn to God in prayer.
7. Don't lie in bed unnecessarily.

Buddhist monk

How to become a Buddhist monk in Russia? A person who has firmly decided to become a monk of a particular monastery must find out its requirements. It is better to inquire about them in advance, as they are different. A person whose candidacy is approved undergoes training in a temple, the duration of which depends on the rules of a particular monastery and the degree of readiness of the candidate. This is followed by an initiation ceremony, which only an ordained monk can perform. At this stage, the transmission of the Five Commandments and the Three Jewels is carried out, and a Buddhist name is chosen.

The initiate has a teacher, usually the person who performed the ceremony. He is allowed to settle permanently in the monastery. Also, the newly minted monk takes the vow of a Bodhisattva - a legendary hero who dedicated his life to the development of Buddhist teachings and helping those suffering. By taking the vow, people promise to do good and seek enlightenment throughout their entire existence.

Wanting to devote himself to Buddhism, a monk will have to reject worldly pleasures and luxuries. Of course, relationships with the opposite sex, starting a family and having children will become inaccessible to him. However, there is also the opportunity to become a monk temporarily, devoting several months or years to developing one’s own spirituality and searching for the meaning of life.

Shaolin monk

What should someone who not only wants to acquire kung fu skills, but also undergo serious training, do? How to become a monk? Shaolin is theoretically ready to accept anyone who shares Buddhist doctrine. Age limit – from six years. However, this person is required to reside permanently in China. In addition, the candidate must be purposeful, hardworking and virtuous, demonstrate a willingness to live an ascetic lifestyle, and demonstrate humility. Less stringent requirements are imposed on those who wish to train in martial arts schools operating at the monastery.

Having become a novice, the applicant undergoes training, during which mentors observe him, assessing his readiness. Some are able to take monastic vows within a few months, others wait several years to do so.

When thinking about becoming a Shaolin monk, you need to evaluate your readiness. People who have been trained in the monastery acquire fantastic endurance, which is developed through grueling training. These are physical exercises, martial arts, meditation. All years of study are devoted to improving the mind and body, leaving no time for rest and entertainment. It is also worth knowing that the monks do not eat meat; their diet consists of vegetables, fruits, and grains. This life path is absolutely not suitable for those with poor health.

Communication with a confessor

It is great if someone who plans to enter a monastery has their own confessor. It is he who follows about how to become a monk. In the absence of a confessor, you can visit any church and discuss the decision made with the local priest. From him you can learn details about life in the monastery, which will help you strengthen your desire or change your mind in advance.

As a rule, priests recommend that people who want to say goodbye to worldly life attend church every day for a year. In addition, they must follow fasts, read prayers and make changes in their daily routine. We are talking about getting up early (about 5-6 in the morning), eating lean foods, refusing entertainment, including innocent ones like watching TV shows and using the Internet. Of course, the priest will advise you to give up intimate relationships with the opposite sex in advance.

In addition to all of the above, the future monk is shown reading the Holy Scriptures and becoming familiar with the works of worthy church fathers.

Report from the monastery: life is not of this world

Handkerchief test

I had no problems in my worldly life. She was prosperous and carefree: higher education, work, a loving mother and brother, a large, comfortable apartment. No disappointments, losses, betrayals...

Nuns in black robes used to cause me bewilderment and fear. Go to a monastery? And such a thought never occurred. I loved comfort, and any prohibitions and restrictions evoked a strong protest in me. Going to church was limited to me putting candles in front of the icons. But one day I had a chance to help around the temple. My mother, who regularly cleaned the church, could not come. I agreed to replace her without much reluctance. But the nun-church greeted me so warmly that I stayed until late in the evening! And she even came the next day.

This is what the cell looks like. Photo: Zhanna Chul

I wanted to know how the nuns live - what they are like in everyday life, hidden from outsiders, leaving the church for their cell building through a gate with a warning sign: “Entrance to outsiders is strictly prohibited.”

I began to go to church more and more often. I was accepted for obedience (that’s what the monastery calls work) in a local shop with a good salary and two meals a day. Less than three months later, unbeknownst to myself, I found myself among the novices. How did this happen? The sisters' conversations about salvation and a joyful, calm life in the monastery had an effect. In a word - recruited.

True, there were those among the nuns who tried to stop: “Little girl, don’t take a rash step.” They warned: the abbess is strict, she may not accept you, you need to go through an interview. This fueled my curiosity even more: she won’t accept such a good one? The Mother Superior asked me to tell you about myself. She asked if I was married and whether I would have such a desire, and then blessed me: “Come!” They gave me a black skirt, a jacket and a scarf. They put us in a single spacious cell. I lived above everyone else - in the attic, between two churches, above me was the monastery bell tower. In the morning, everything in the room trembled from the sonorous sounds of the large bell. “How long will I last?” — I thought.

One of the most difficult obediences is working in the prosphora. Photo: Zhanna Chul

I would never have thought that it would be so difficult to constantly walk around with my head covered with a scarf. She itches constantly, and after some time her hair begins to fall out. I wanted to make my life easier and cut my hair, but I didn’t receive a blessing: they say, leave the braid for tonsure!

Lost my fiancé - made a career

It is not blessed for sisters to talk about the life they led in the world and the reason for entering the monastery. But women are women - and somehow gradually everyone learned about each other from conversations. No one will leave a good and prosperous life for a monastery. Need a push.

Women of any age come to the monastery. But underage or married girls, or those with small children, are not accepted according to the rules of the monastery. Among the 22 women with whom I shared food and shelter, three were very elderly, four were girls over twenty. Most of the sisters are between 35 and 60 years old. One sister came to the monastery immediately after the death of her five-year-old son. She unquestioningly complied with any obedience. She even seemed to enjoy the hard work. Tirelessly she scraped, cleaned, washed, weeded, trying to forget the grief in her work. But she never found any consolation from her grief—a year later she asked to return to the world. Another sister, having lost both her parents and her fiancé, on the contrary, made a career in the monastery - in a relatively short period of time, by monastic standards, she became a nun and the right hand of the abbess.

The older the nun, the longer she lives in the monastery, the more benefit she brings to the monastery. Taught by bitter experience, she does not fall into the temptations typical of new sisters. Quickly navigates in a non-standard situation. These 60-70-year-old grandmothers work, not inferior to the young ones - they briskly bow, dig in the garden, and cook in the refectory. And unlike young sleepyheads, it’s not difficult for them to get up in the morning. The pensions of the old women go to the monastery treasury, which again classifies them as profitable nuns (residents) for the monastery. And they also benefit from monastic life - they will be fed and treated. And when the Lord calls, they will be buried here, in the cemetery on the territory of the monastery, in the monastic plot.

Blessing for injection

Obedience is the meaning of monasticism. Any virtue fades in its absence. The obedience assigned by the abbess at first may not at all coincide with what the novice did in worldly life. An elderly nun once opened up to us, new sisters: “I used to work in a bank! She was a big boss! And on the very first day I was sent to the barn for obedience. What cows! I’m even afraid of frogs...” However, it is not customary to refuse obedience.

I had obedience in the refectory. One day after lunch, after washing the dishes, I went down to the cold room (we simply called it the “refrigerator”) to get some groceries. Having taken what was required, she turned around and was stunned - the door was closed. I tried the handle and it didn't open. I felt really scared. It is useless to scream or call for help: the doors are thick, and none of the sisters could have been in the basement at that time. There was no way to even make a call - in a remote room the phone did not receive a signal. And the low temperature was already doing its job: I was starting to freeze. So that panic would not take over me, I began to pray. Crossed the door. I began to explore it. Suddenly a small spring caught my attention and I decided to press it. Opened! When I told the abbess about this in the evening, she sympathized like a true nun: “Well, we would have missed you later and found you. And to die in holy obedience is saving.”

My age, thirty-year-old novice Anna, came to the monastery a year before me. Contrary to the will of unbelieving parents who had an only daughter. In the world she worked as an ambulance paramedic. Laughter and chatterbox, a player with rock music in her ears, favorite clothes - jeans and caps. But one day she entered the monastery, and something in her mind switched. Her feet themselves led her to Sunday school, where she learned to read in Church Slavonic and sing in the choir. She asked to help in the almshouse. She stood out for her asceticism: she slept on boards, made do with a minimum of things in her cell, and walked around wearing light sandals until the first snow. Anna often became the object of ridicule from her older sisters. But she was endlessly devoted to the abbess. She asked for blessings for everything, even to the point of absurdity: “Mother, bless your sick sister to give her an injection!” Having received the blessing, the next moment he asks: “Mother! Bless your sister to anoint her bottom with cotton wool and alcohol before the injection”... True, I often woke up for morning prayers. As punishment for being late, she was often made to bow.

Bowing is quite humiliating to the average person. You stand in the center of the temple or refectory and, while everyone is eating, you bow to the ground - there can be three of them, or maybe forty. Depending on how strong the abbess’s anger is. Novices are embarrassed to bow in public. Adult nuns do them indifferently and quickly, like push-ups: fell - forehead on the floor - jumped up...

Novice Photo: Zhanna Chul

Novice Daria is the closest to the abbess. Her “ears” are in the monastery. Everything he hears, he will quickly retell in detail. Dasha is an orphan. Her family was considered dysfunctional. She came to the monastery very young. The abbess, out of pity for the orphan, settled her in her building. However, mother does not show leniency even to her favorites: offense entails punishment - penance. So, the abbess “undressed” Dasha - she took away her apostolic dress and tunic for a year, evicted her from her corps, and even kicked her out of the monastery for a while.

To be expelled from the monastery is the worst punishment. Among the sisters who live for years on full board and without worrying about earning their daily bread, there is a persistent belief that after the monastery you will certainly be unhappy. It is very difficult to return to a cruel world. They scare each other with a story about one such sister who could not stand returning to the world and went crazy.

Effective care

In the monastery it is not customary to have attachments: neither to a sister, nor to a household item, nor to obedience. But still, everyone has a girlfriend, in whose ear you can confide your grievances in a secluded corner and listen to the same complaints in response. You can’t complain to the Mother Superior!

Nun Anastasia has been singing since she was 7 years old. Singing is as natural to her as air, food, sleep. Once, when asked by the abbot about her health, Anastasia could not restrain herself: “Oh, mother, how tired I am!” This happened after the liturgy. The next morning, Anastasia was not allowed into the choir: “Mother blessed you to pray separately.” No matter how much the young nun cried or repented, it was all useless. Her forced rest lasted two weeks and seemed like an age to her. She no longer stuttered to the abbess about her fatigue. So the sisters walk in pairs and console each other.

However, sometimes this friendship takes a completely different turn. After one incident that agitated the entire monastery for several months, the abbess began to put an end to the sisters’ seclusion.

Novices Olga and Galina were friends, they just never spilled water. Then Galina took monastic vows and... three weeks later both escaped from the monastery! The monastery was buzzing like a beehive. The fugitive women's cells were in disarray: clothes on the floor, unmade beds. Everyone was perplexed - how correct and exemplary the sisters were. However, the abbess reasoned this way: the novice seduced the nun into escaping. Leaving without a blessing (especially for a newly tonsured nun) is a grave sin: there will be no peace in the soul until death.

The sisters left the monastery with a blessing. The most theatrical departure was that of the nun Irina. In the morning, while reading a prayer, she approached the temple icon of the Mother of God “Consolation and Consolation” and threw a heap of clothes under it. The apostles, cassocks, tunics, hoods - everything scattered in different directions. It was unusual - in the twilight of the church, with burning candles - and therefore was remembered forever.

Mother Superior is not a friend

Among the monasteries that began to open in large numbers, like mushrooms after rain, in the late 90s throughout Russia, there is not a single one similar. How life flows in them and what kind of sisters there are depends solely on the abbess. My abbess was a very strict woman. Not forgiving of the slightest offense, not compromising, generously distributing penance.

Every day after dinner, which began at 9 p.m., Abbess Sophia summed up the day, admonished those who had done wrong, made plans for the future, or shared her impressions of pilgrimage trips. Missing a joint meal or being late for it (arriving later than the abbess) is considered sacrilege (“The meal is a continuation of the liturgy!”) and entails severe punishment, including deprivation of food or communion.

Being a nun is not only about giving up worldly pleasures. This is a special state of mind. When any trouble that unsettles a normal person, the nun is joyful - the opportunity to suffer for Christ.

I “suffered for Christ,” crying and complaining to the sisters. Once she did something wrong and received a well-deserved penance from the abbess - she was excommunicated from sharing a meal with the sisters. Not a terrible punishment per se, but I really didn’t like it.

“I need to go and make peace with my mother!” I can’t bear such a punishment,” I said to one of the sisters.

- Do you think what you are talking about? - exclaimed the shocked nun Anastasia. - She’s the abbess! And it is impossible to make peace with her. She's not a friend. She must remove the penance herself.

In the monastery it is not customary to reason and have rational thinking. And the most difficult thing that I personally could not overcome was subordinating myself to someone else’s will. Uncomplainingly carry out orders, no matter how ridiculous they may seem. I left the Novodevichy Convent in St. Petersburg because I didn’t have the strength to endure such a life.

Cell with a view of the Kremlin

At home I could not return to normal life for a long time. After all, in the monastery I was used to working seven days a week. The priest of the Trinity-Sergius Hermitage, Father Varlaam, when I asked what I should do next, blessed me to go to Moscow to the St. John the Baptist Convent. I've never heard of him before. I found the address on the Internet. Got ready to go. Mom was crying. Just as bitter and inconsolable as three years ago, when I went to the Novodevichy Convent...

Photo: Zhanna Chul

It was with difficulty that I found this monastery in Moscow and circled around it for a long time, although it was a five-minute walk from the Kitay-Gorod metro station to the monastery. When the doorbell rang, a friendly, pretty sister in black monastic robes came out onto the porch. She took me to Abbess Afanasia...

Compared to the Voskresensky Novodevichy monastery, this monastery was much simpler. Even though Ioanno-Predtechensky was located a ten-minute walk from the Kremlin, the poverty was as if the sisters lived in the wilderness of the forest. In Novodevichy I took a shower every day. And here they saved water. It came as a shock to the sisters and the abbess when they found out that I washed myself every day. As it turns out, a real monk takes a shower once a week (or better yet, twice!). The lights were turned off throughout the monastery before eleven o'clock in the evening. In Novodevichy, we had night lights burning in all the corridors. Of course, they called for careful handling of electricity, but not enough to check it at night.

In the room with a high, three-meter ceiling, where I was placed in the new monastery, rags of plaster hung down. The window was covered with a gray, washed-out curtain. The walls are smoky and dirty. On the floor between the rickety cabinets there are heaters turned on at full power. Stale air: heavy smell of burnt air mixed with the smell of sweat and old things. As nun Anuvia later admitted to me, all these tables and cabinets were picked up from the trash heap.

To begin with, they gave me obedience - to photograph (for some reason no one wanted to pick up a camera) all the events and the internal life of the monastery, to help the cook in the kitchen prepare meals, to wash the dishes in the evenings.

Later, I was entrusted with feeding the beggars at the gate. It was a morally difficult obedience. By two o'clock in the afternoon a table was brought out to the gate. Homeless people began to flock from all sides. We already knew many of them by sight, but those who found themselves in difficult life situations also came - for example, a person was robbed at a train station. At a strictly appointed hour, all these unfortunates hurried to the St. John the Baptist Monastery. This was also a huge difference between the two monasteries. In Novodevichy, despite all its luxury, those who ask will not receive a dry crust until they have worked. I remember how once in St. Petersburg I was stopped by a ragged man who could barely stand on his feet from weakness. He only asked for bread. I asked the sacristan for a blessing for this. She was inexorable: let him at least sweep the yard.

In Ioanno-Predtechenskoe, the beggars were affectionately called “poor people.” They were given soup in a disposable plastic plate, two pieces of bread and thin tea. Their hungry eyes lit up at the sight of food! The homeless were constantly in need of clothes and shoes. Therefore, a clothing circulation was established in the monastery. Parishioners brought unnecessary clothes. The beggars immediately snapped up the mittens, socks and hats they brought out, especially in the bitter cold of winter.

From ballet to monastery

The nun Eusevia, with whom I had to share both my cell and obedience during the first days, is a frail woman of fifty years old. At the time we met her, her monastic experience was seventeen years. It is interesting that in the past she graduated from the Leningrad Choreographic School named after A.Ya. Vaganova and was a ballerina of the Mariinsky Theater. She went to the monastery on the eve of the theater’s important long tour to Japan... Her main obedience was as a senior prosphora girl. I had the opportunity to work in the prosphora for the first month. Without exaggeration I will say: baking prosphora is the hardest work.

Those who have obedience there get up earlier than everyone else. They don’t go to the morning service - in the prosphora itself they light a lamp in front of the icon of Jesus Christ and read prayers. And only after that they start working.

We spent the whole day in the prosphora: from 6 a.m. to 4–5 p.m. All this time - on my feet. There is no time to sit down - while one batch of prosphora is being baked, another needs to be cut out of the dough. We had lunch hastily and dry. Here, perched on the edge of the cutting table. The small room is very hot and stuffy. The baking trays with the “tops” and “bottoms” of the prosphoras are heavy - made of iron. Future prosphora must be cut out very carefully, according to a strictly defined size, otherwise they will turn out lopsided, and this is a defect. Mother Eusevia was indispensable in this obedience. I wondered: where did she, so sick and fragile, get so much strength? After running through obediences, I was so tired that at the end of the day I fell on the bed in my cell and instantly fell asleep. And behind the curtain, Eusebius’s mother read endless prayers, canons, akathists, and lives for half the night.

However, it was not the difficulties of everyday life that drove me from the monastery. When decisions have been made for you for years, and your job is small - to fulfill obedience without thinking, you lose the habit of thinking and feel powerless to coherently express your thoughts and desires. I started to get scared of myself - I realized that I was starting to think poorly. And I also wanted activity. And freedom. I have already expressed my desire to my sisters more than once. While leaving home on vacation, she voiced it and raised the issue for consideration by the monastery administration. Ten days later, I received a text message on my phone saying that they were blessing me to leave.

The first days I didn’t believe my luck. I will sleep as much as I want! Eat what I want. And most importantly, from now on I am my own abbess. My family at home welcomed me with open arms! But a whole year passed before I began to return to normal human life. During the first months it was difficult to concentrate and even clearly formulate my thoughts. In the monastery, if we had a free half hour, we sat in the garden on a bench, silently and with folded hands, breathing the air - we rejoiced at the outstanding break. I had neither the strength nor the desire to read or talk.

In a word, going to the monastery turned out to be much easier morally than leaving it...

MONK'S DAY SCHEDULE

— 5.30 — rise. The morning in the monastery begins with twelve strikes on the largest bell (the beginning of each meal is also announced by twelve strikes).

- 6.00 - morning monastic rule (prayer to which parishioners are not allowed). Only those on duty at the refectory are allowed not to attend.

— 7.15–8.30 — liturgy (sisters pray until “Our Father...”, then leave for breakfast and obedience, until the end of the service only the singers remain in the choir).

- 9.00 - breakfast is the only meal of choice; everyone, without exception, is required to come for lunch and dinner.

- 10.00–12.00 - obedience, every day it is new: today there may be obedience in a monastery shop, tomorrow - a temple, the day after tomorrow - a refectory, a trinket room (monastery wardrobe), a hotel, a vegetable garden...

— 12.00 — lunch

- After lunch until 16.00 - obedience

— At 16.00 — dinner

— 17.00–20.00 — evening service, after which free time.

— 23.00 — lights out.

It's not just monks who become saints

The lives of Christian saints describe different paths to achieving holiness, but all saints go through the main path of sacrifice in the name of Christ. Athonite monk Anastasius, a disciple of Saint Paisius the Holy Mountain, told three instructive stories about monastic holiness that can serve as an example to every Christian believer.

Be able to sacrifice your “I”

The Athonite monk teaches that sacrifice in the name of Christ can be manifested both in great feats and in small ones, and often the Lord evaluates our sacrifices, testing their firmness over time.

“God wants us to give something of our Self to Him. We need to feel the presence of God among us, but we need to be able to sacrifice. And as much as a person gives to God, that is what he will receive.

Once on a Greek island I met a nun. In the village where she was born and lived, there was a monastery, and her house was located directly opposite the entrance to this monastery. And this nun lived in the monastery for 68 years and never in all these years left the threshold of the monastery so as not to see the door of her house.

Because one of the monastic virtues is wandering, which implies that no one should know where a person who has dedicated his life to the Lord is,” says Father Anastasy.

Seeing the world under the feet of Christ

Many elders, having achieved grace, saw the world differently than ordinary people see it. Monk Anastasius told the story of the Athonite elder Tikhon, confessor of the Monk Paisius the Holy Mountain, who experienced divine contemplation during the liturgy.

“When Elder Tikhon read the liturgy, he remembered thousands of names. He read the names for five hours and served the liturgy for 2 hours. The names that Elder Tikhon read were from all over the world, and he did not know exactly which of them were alive and which had already died. He said: “I remember everyone as if they were alive. Because on the holy paten under the feet of Christ we are all alive.”

And one day during the liturgy, Father Paisius sang the Cherubim, and Elder Tikhon censed. At that time the elder had heavenly contemplation and left this earth, probably ascending to Heaven. Suddenly he turned to Father Paisius and asked:

- Father Paisiy, which way is Paris from here?

“In that direction,” Father Paisiy pointed out to him.

And Father Tikhon turned and began to burn incense towards Paris (apparently remembering the people from this city). This is how, at the divine liturgy for the holy fathers, the whole world stands under the feet of Christ,” explains the Svyatogorsk monk.

Don't lose patience in any situation

The Athonite elders receive many pilgrims, and sometimes people who are far from understanding true Christian values ​​come to them. Father Anastasy told a story about his teacher, the Monk Paisius the Holy Mountain, who knew how to preserve the holiness of his soul in any circumstances.

“Elder Paisios always spoke for a specific person. Not everything he said was immediately for everyone. Let's say, when he said something to me, these words were intended for me and no one else, because someone else could understand the same words incorrectly. At the same time, he knew how to speak especially to those people who did not have correct Christian thinking, and sometimes even the fear of God.

One day certain people came to Elder Paisius. They did not say “bless”, did not bow, did not kiss the elder’s hand, but from the threshold they said:

- Hello! We learned that you do miracles and wanted to see them.

– Do you know who the father and mother of the Mother of God were? – Elder Paisius asked them.

- No, we are not interested in that. We learned about you, and we want you to do some kind of miracle for us too.

Elder Paisius had a sweet sense of humor; he wanted to teach these people a lesson, but at the same time he did not want to upset them, so he said:

“Yes, I’ve just learned how to do a new miracle,” said the old man and took a large knife with which he was cutting wood. “I’ll cut off your heads and put them on again.” But since I am not yet completely experienced in this miracle, I can confuse your heads...

This is how Elder Paisios spoke to people who did not have correct thinking, so that they could understand him.”

Speaking about holiness, the Athonite monk notes that it is not the advantage of the elect, monks or hermits, but should be the goal of the life of every Christian.

“Holiness is not a gift, it must be earned. It requires both effort and a method. There are many ways to achieve holiness, and each saint had his own path to God through blood, deeds, abstinence, and patience. And it’s not just monks who become saints. All Christians should become saints,” teaches the Athonite monk. published econet.ru.

Was the return to worldly life so easy?

In the Russian Empire, the attitude towards former monks was not very good. If before entering the monastery a man held some position or had a military rank, then he lost it. But at the same time, he was restored to his former class. Unfrocked men who were deacons or priests could not enter public service. And they were taken into the army only as privates. On top of everything else, those who renounced monastic vows could not live in Moscow and St. Petersburg. And they were also obliged to leave the province where their monastery was located. These rules were in effect for seven years.

During the same time, the former monk could not marry or enter the civil service. By the way, he could not marry his chosen one in church. It was believed that an active clergyman could not go against the vow of celibacy taken by his former brother in Christ when he was a monk. So the defrocked people could only enter into a civil marriage. Moreover, if a man had already had two marriages before entering the monastery, he was allowed to enter into a third with great difficulty. And the former monk was not allowed to enter into a fourth marriage at all.

To all the prohibitions was also added excommunication from Holy Communion. And if the defrocked man died, then the funeral service was performed for him as a simple layman, and not a clergyman. By the way, even today former monks are buried according to the secular rite. The former monk was carefully monitored for compliance with all prohibitions. If he violated them, he could be exiled to Siberia. Today the church is more loyal to those who refuse monastic vows. There are no longer such strict prohibitions as in the Russian Empire. In addition, a former monk can always return to the monastery if he realized that worldly life is not for him.

^ CHAPTER 17. What a monk should constantly remember to avoid serious dangers

1. That the world may seem infinitely attractive, but a person is weak, which is why one must constantly watch, pray, live seriously and always be on guard of the mind and heart.
2. That life is short-lived, irrevocable and given for repentance.
3. That death is inevitable, although its time is unknown, and for sinners it is cruel.
4. That the outcome of the soul is terrible both because all sins will be revealed to everyone and because God’s judgment awaits.
5. That judgment for all is terrible, inevitable, without any self-justification.
6. That the Judge will then reward the deeds, but there will be no time for regret and repentance and there will be no benefit from them.
7. That the torment of anger is endless, that later repentance will only tear the soul apart and then there is no opportunity to change everything, correct it, or start over.

Time for reflection: laborer and novice

To choose a monastery in which a future monk will stay, they make more than one trip to holy places. When visiting one monastery, it is difficult to determine that a person’s heart will remain here to serve God.

After remaining in the monastery for several weeks, the man or woman is assigned the role of laborer.

During this period a person:

• prays a lot, confesses;
• works for the benefit of the monastery;
• gradually comprehends the basics of monastic life.

The worker lives at the monastery and eats here. At this stage, the monastery takes a closer look at him, and if the person remains faithful to his vocation of monasticism, he is offered to remain in the monastery as a novice - a person preparing to be tonsured as a monk and undergoing a spiritual test in the monastery.

Important: obedience is a Christian virtue, a monastic vow, a test, the whole meaning of which comes down to the liberation of the soul, and not to slavery. The essence and importance of obedience must be understood and felt

Understand that everything is done for good, and not for torment. By performing obedience, they understand that the elder, who is responsible for the future monk, cares about the salvation of his soul.

In case of unbearable trials, when the spirit weakens, you can always turn to your elder and tell about the difficulties. And unceasing prayer to God is the first assistant in strengthening the spirit.

You can be a novice for many years. Whether a person is ready to become a monk is decided by the confessor. At the stage of obedience there is still time to think about the future life.

The bishop or abbot of the monastery performs the rite of monastic tonsure. After tonsure there is no turning back: moving away from passions, sorrows and embarrassment leads to an inextricable connection with God.

Important: do not rush, do not rush to accept monasticism. Impulsive impulses, inexperience, and ardor are falsely taken for a true calling to be a monk

And then a person begins to worry, despondency, melancholy, and run away from the monastery. The vows are made and no one can break them. And life turns into torture.

Therefore, the main instruction of the holy fathers is careful obedience and testing for a certain period of time, which will show the true intention to be called to monasticism.

Granting permission to return to worldly life

For a long time after the adoption of Christianity in Rus' and the appearance of the first monasteries, monks did not have the right to renounce their vows. Having taken monastic vows, they were required to spend their entire lives in a monastery. Moreover, accepting monasticism meant that a person became dead to worldly life. This rule was in effect not only in the Russian Orthodox Church, but also in others. But, of course, it also happened that those disappointed in monastic life ran away from the monastery. The escape for such monks ended very sadly - they were caught and placed in monastery prisons. It was not possible to legally leave monasticism until the middle of the 19th century.

However, the prerequisites for obtaining the right to officially renounce monastic vows and return to worldly life appeared under Peter I. True, then only forced exit from monasticism was possible, obtained during the consideration of the petition by the spiritual court. But in the time of Alexander I, a monk could leave the monastery at will. The first monk to take advantage of this right was Abbot Joasaph. He turned to the Holy Synod with a petition for permission to leave the monastery and get married. They did not want to give permission to the abbot for a very long time, and a long debate ensued. But as a result, the “Law on the Removal of Monasticism” was adopted. It was even enshrined in the “Full Assembly by the law of the Russian Empire.” A few months later, this law was recognized as legitimate by the Spiritual Consistory. However, it did not correspond to any theological and canonical justification of the Eastern Orthodox Church.

Of course, the right that Russian monks received to return to secular life did not go unnoticed by foreign clergy. Thus, the Greek Meletios Apostolopoulous tried to figure out how a law that did not correspond to any canon of the Christian church could still be adopted. However, not a single Orthodox clergyman could give him an answer. In his book Meletius wrote:

I have asked canonists from Russia to explain how this practice of the Russian Orthodox Church can be compatible with the basic teachings of the Eastern Church regarding this issue. The answers received made it clear that the canonists could not give a reasonable explanation for this law.

But be that as it may, the law was passed, and monks who wanted to return to secular life had to undergo a special ceremony.

Vows

How to become a monk in Russia? Having successfully completed the path of the novice, a person can finally say goodbye to worldly life. To do this, he will need to take vows that imply renunciation of the benefits of civilization. Traditionally, people who want to enter an Orthodox monastery take four ascetic vows.

• Celibacy. Monks are unable to have sexual contact with the opposite sex; they deliberately reject the opportunity to get married and have children, thereby dooming themselves to a lonely life. However, the walls of the monastery are also open to widowers with adult heirs who no longer need care.
• Obedience. You need to be aware that by entering a monastery, a person actually gives up his own will, the ability to manage his own life. He is required to obey his confessor unquestioningly. It is better not for freedom-loving and proud people who are not ready for humility and obedience to take this path.
• Non-covetousness. What does it take to become a monk, besides this? You will have to give up your property, whether it is an apartment, a dacha or a car. A person entering a monastery must make a donation in its favor. However, it can be symbolic; most of the property is allowed to be left to close people if desired.
• Constant prayer. Of course, certain hours are set aside for offering prayers. However, a person who has taken monastic vows must pray constantly, even while doing physical labor.

Achilles

Views: 7,146

This story in three parts was published a year ago, we repeat it as one of the best materials of our project (approx. 2021).

The third part of the story of the nun “Sister Luke” “Instead of God - the Monastery and Mother” .

***

How do people leave monasteries? Probably in different ways. I left the same way I had once come to it: quickly, calmly, without looking back, cutting off memory and pity. I still don’t let go of the feeling of a second chance given to me, because I already tried to leave once, but I couldn’t, I wasn’t ready yet ideologically, psychologically, I wasn’t ready to take responsibility for my actions. And if at first I was shocked by the refusal of a priest I knew (whom I trusted immensely) to help me in resolving one important issue, on which, one might say, my departure depended, now I am grateful to God for depriving me of these and other crutches: support , advice, blessings, left alone with my conscience, mind and heart. Like the heroine of the film “The Nun’s Story,” Sister Luke, I did not want to lie to God. And I didn’t want them to lie to me, I refused to live in the surrounding lies, in the illusion of the monastery, in relationships, as it seems to me, that are far from Christianity. And let it be better late, after 15 years of doubts and hesitations, than never...

A new life, and it’s as if the old one didn’t exist. Everything that happened was like a dream... Of course, at first I was like Mowgli: in stores, on public transport, I didn’t know where to throw the token in the subway. But I was lucky: my family and friends supported me, helped me start my life from scratch, get a job, shared clothes, and helped me with money for the first time. It turned out to be impossible to find a job on my own; they never responded to my resume, although even before leaving I was told that with my experience and knowledge I would have no problems finding employment in the world. It turned out that even through acquaintance they took me with difficulty, fearing that my brain was Orthodox and expecting that I would soon run back to the monastery.

Now I feel quite comfortable, harmonious with the outside world. I still enjoy the feeling of freedom, the lack of constant control, and the expectation of the release of negativity. I don’t hear Mother’s voice, I don’t see her eyes, I shouldn’t feel fear anymore. This is cool, indescribable, I walk and rejoice. I’m riding on the subway, people are busy with something, gloomy, and I’m smiling like a fool. I’m even glad that I have a couple thousand in my wallet for everything, but my salary is still far away. I am glad that I eat without any regime and it is not nearly as tasty and varied as in the monastery. I now have Olivier and other pickles only on holidays, and not every day, as before. I am glad that I am the youngest at work and everyone around me is more experienced and more important than me. I am not given respect and honor that I do not deserve, as I was before. I am glad that I can really take care of my loved ones and give them my love. This love and care is not amorphous and theoretical, as in a monastery.

If we talk about spiritual life, prayer, then it cannot be said that it has disappeared, since, it seems, it did not exist before. As soon as the external surroundings, conditions, such as forced attendance at divine services, the regime were removed, it became clear that internally the need for all this spirituality was not felt, there was no craving for visiting church (rather the opposite), for communion, although I understand that it would be necessary. I remember God, I pray briefly, almost always - either out of inertia, or out of necessity of the heart. Sometimes I’m at a service, and I can’t help but feel like a stranger, and everything that’s happening, like a stranger and some wild, out-of-date person who doesn’t meet the needs of a person, at least one who has been in the church for a long time, that’s all I need not enough, or no longer needed.

Once I was “lucky” to catch a sermon after the Gospel (usually I left the service before the end and did not listen to the sermon). There was nowhere to go and I had to listen to a long speech filled with cliches. Moreover, with a clearly customized theme about obedience to authorities and acceptance of everything as the will of God. Who was this for? How can this ignite people or cause repentance? After hearing the “sermon” I left the church to breathe fresh air. What I heard and felt clearly did not arouse the desire to re-visit this temple, or the other one either.

I must say that several more nuns left after me; for a small monastery this was a significant loss, but, as always, the hierarchy turned a blind eye to this event. No one began to find out the reasons for our departures, no one began to ask us, they did not call the abbess anywhere. “Everything is calm in Baghdad!”, no one needs unnecessary problems and “the boss is always right!” Therefore, I was punished: for my unauthorized departure (less than a month had passed since I left), I was expelled from the monastery and deprived of communion for five years. None of the managers told me about this; I found out third-hand. It’s strange, because even in a secular court the accused is present at the hearing and has the opportunity to have the last word, but here - without trial or investigation...

They say that in difficult life circumstances people are tested. During this test, I only strengthened my desire to never again have anything to do with these people who can only talk and do business from a position of strength. I don’t feel negative feelings towards them, I just never tire of being surprised, surprised and surprised - by the lack of basic humanity, mercy, desire to understand and help... I feel sorry for them.

Perhaps I am writing now more restrained and concisely than the first “confession”, but I wrote it back in the monastery, on a wave of feelings, experiences, doubts, in one breath. Now I am living a new life and returning my thoughts to the past, what I experienced and left behind turned out to be difficult for me and, I think, not useful. Much of what was left behind was dear to me, much was too heavy and sad, and I don’t want to torture my heart with memories now.

It’s too early to talk about the consequences of my departure; too little time has passed. In the meantime, it’s not easy for me, but life is interesting again, I want to love, create... This is such a wonderful and long-forgotten feeling...

Illustration: still from the film “The Story of a Nun” (1959)

Preparation for monastic life

Monk - translated from Greek means “lonely”, and in Rus' they were called monks - from the word “different”, “different”. Monastic life is not a disregard for the world, its colors and admiration for life, but it is a renunciation of harmful passions and sinfulness, of carnal pleasures and pleasures. Monasticism serves to restore the original purity and sinlessness that Adam and Eve were endowed with in paradise.

Yes, this is a difficult and difficult path, but the reward is great - imitation of the image of Christ, endless joy in God, the ability to accept with gratitude everything that the Lord sends. In addition, monks are the first prayer books about the sinful world. As long as their prayer sounds, the world stands. This is the main job of monks - to pray for the whole world.

While a man or woman lives in the world, but with all his soul feels that their place is in the monastery, they have time to prepare and make the right and final choice between worldly life and life in unity with God:

• First you need to be an Orthodox Christian;
• To visit the temple, but not formally, but to imbue your soul with the divine services and love them;
• Perform morning and evening prayer rules;
• Learn to observe physical and spiritual fasting;
• Honor Orthodox holidays;
• Read spiritual literature, the lives of saints, and be sure to get acquainted with books written by holy people that tell about monastic life and the history of monasticism;
• Find a spiritual mentor who will tell you about true monasticism, dispel myths about life in a monastery, and give a blessing for serving God;
• Make a pilgrimage to several monasteries, be a laborer, stay for obedience.

Who can enter a monastery

The impossibility of living without God leads a man or woman to the walls of the monastery. They do not run away from people, but go for salvation, for the inner need of repentance.

And yet there are obstacles to entering the monastery; not everyone can be blessed for monasticism.

Cannot be a monk or nun:

• A family man;
• A man or woman raising small children;
• Wanting to hide from unhappy love, difficulties, failures;
• A person’s advanced age becomes an obstacle to monasticism, because in the monastery they work diligently and hard, and for this you need to be healthy. Yes, and it is difficult to change ingrained habits that will become an obstacle to monasticism.

If all this is absent and the intention to come to monasticism does not leave a person for a minute, of course, no one and nothing will prevent him from renouncing the world and entering a monastery.

Absolutely different people go to the monastery: those who have achieved success in the world, educated, smart, beautiful. They go because the soul thirsts for more.

Monasticism is open to everyone, but not everyone is fully ready for it. Monasticism is a life without sorrows, in the understanding that a person gets rid of worldly vanity and worries. But this life is much harder than the life of a family man. The family cross is difficult, but after escaping from it to a monastery, disappointment awaits and relief does not come.

Advice! And yet, in order to step on the difficult path of monasticism, which belongs to a few, you need to think carefully and carefully, so as not to look back and regret what happened.

Took monastic vows

How to deal with parents

Many parents in ancient times in Rus' and other Orthodox countries welcomed their children’s desire to become monks. The youths were prepared from childhood to become monks. Such children were considered prayer books for the whole family.

But there were also deeply religious people who categorically opposed the service of their children in the monastic field. They wanted to see their children successful and prosperous in worldly life.

Children who independently decided to live in a monastery prepare their loved ones for such a serious choice. It is necessary to choose the right words and arguments that will be perceived correctly by parents and will not lead them into the sin of condemnation.

In turn, prudent parents will thoroughly study their child’s choice, delve into the essence and understanding of the whole issue, and help and support a loved one in such an important undertaking. It’s just that the majority, due to ignorance of the essence of monasticism, perceive the desire of children to serve the Lord as something alien, unnatural

They begin to fall into despair and melancholy

It’s just that the majority, due to ignorance of the essence of monasticism, perceive the desire of children to serve the Lord as something alien, unnatural. They begin to fall into despair and melancholy.

Parents are sad that there will be no grandchildren, that their son or daughter will not have all the usual worldly joys, which are considered to be the highest achievements for a person.

Advice! Monasticism is a worthy decision for a child, and parental support is an important component in the final confirmation of the correct choice of the future path in life.

Orthodox Life

Reflections of Archpriest Vladimir Puchkov.

Priests also sometimes leave. This is how I have been answering the puzzled questions of parishioners about Archimandrite Andrey (Konanos)’s statement about leaving the priesthood for the third day now. Yes, the priests are leaving too. And the monks too. And, yes, that’s not possible. This is bad. This is, if you like, a sin.

But at the same time, the worst thing a Christian can do is to start blaming, condemning and condemning. Even in this short time, some managed to express themselves in the spirit of “once he was removed from his rank, it means he never believed it,” “he finally discovered his essence, damned modernist,” “serves him right, unfortunate liberal.” And yet it seems understandable and justified: leaving monasticism and the priesthood is a sin, and one cannot help but be indignant at sin. But am I the only one in such reasoning who hears something as old as time and familiar as the heartburn of “a falling push, a fallen stump”? But this is also bad, this is also a sin. And this is also impossible. In our time, in general, it is more difficult not to lose everything Christian while watching someone else’s fall than not to fall oneself. Therefore, I think, instead of rushing to evaluate, even if they relate to the Church, but still other people’s problems, it is better to try to understand these very problems and clarify them for yourself. For some, so as not to stumble again, for others, so as not to judge, and for others, so that, against the backdrop of someone else’s sin, they are not filled with the consciousness of their own righteousness.

The first such case in my memory was the departure of a hieromonk from one large, famous monastery. Having once met N’s now ex-father in the city center in secular clothes, I, then still a young man, thought deeply. As experience later showed, there really was something to think about. It’s not really what I was thinking about then, but it was. What does it mean to become a monk? Renounce the world and worldly life. Departure from the world must be done freely, consciously and thoughtfully. However, these truisms are known today a little less than all Orthodox Christians. In ancient times, those who desired monasticism went into the desert to live with wise and experienced elders, lived with them in obedience for many years and gradually acquired the experience of true monastic life. This also happens in our time. But the problem is that this is far from the only thing. Are there many monasteries now where monastic tonsure is performed on people after many years of novice training? People take monastic vows immediately after graduating from seminaries, and two or three years after entering a monastery, and even when they are in their twenties. I understand that the needs of the Church, which has only escaped the suffocating embrace of Soviet power for only three decades, and is therefore still recovering, demand it. But the problems that lead monks away from monasticism most often result from elementary unpreparedness, worldly inexperience and spiritual immaturity.

A neophyte comes to the monastery. He thirsts for exploits, he is always healthy and ready for anything, he is flexible, efficient and hardworking. In addition, his exaggerated reverence, with bows to each pillar and a completely sincere attitude towards each inhabitant as a saint, can easily be misleading. Of course, in most cases, neophyte passes quickly, after a few months, or at least a year or two, it is replaced by harsh church adulthood. Without rose-colored glasses, enthusiasm and illusions. But it happens, albeit occasionally, that neophyte becomes, so to speak, chronic. At first, a person gets stuck in it for an unreasonably long time, and then, when the natural process, albeit with delay, resumes, he resists “growing up” with all the strength of his soul. In other words, at first he sincerely considers the Church ideal, and then, just as sincerely, he wants to see it as ideal, and therefore he tries to the end not to allow himself to be disappointed in his own illusions in this regard. Thus, neophyteism is replaced by idealism. Both an enthusiastic eternal neophyte and an idealist burning with jealousy beyond reason can live in a monastery for many years. They can be ordained to the priesthood, they can become members of a spiritual council, they can even accept the schema. But the result, with rare exceptions, is always sad. In most cases, Christians who fail to “grow up” spiritually will be disappointed. And the one who at first sincerely considered the Church to be ideal, and then, just as sincerely, believed that it should be so, eventually becomes disappointed and begins to hate the Church because it is not ideal. Because she did not live up to his expectations and did not want to live up to the illusions that he had carefully nurtured for so many years. From such disillusioned neophytes and idealists often emerge ardent atheists, uncompromising haters of the Church, blasphemers and blasphemers.

However, this does not happen to everyone. Often disappointment does not come immediately. Growing gradually, it imperceptibly contributes to the gradual degeneration of idealism into cynicism. Internally, a person changes little. In his mind, the first place was and still is occupied by his own ego. At first it was “I am a believer”, then “I am striving for the ideal”, later “I am correct”, and in the end “I am disappointed”. However, by the time of disappointment, such a person manages to either settle comfortably in a monastery, or occupy a certain position in the monastic hierarchy, or simply grow old. In any case, the disappointed, often lost faith, complete cynic remains to live in the monastery, play the usual role, lead the usual way of life. This is, perhaps, one of the few categories of people whose departure could benefit them and the monastery. However, they are the ones who leave extremely rarely.

Not far from this category are those for whom monastic tonsure opens up certain career prospects. Graduates of theological schools, young candidates for the priesthood who do not have families but have serious ambitions, cell attendants of bishops and monastery confessors... Church and administrative prospects are, of course, wonderful. However, monasticism is not an auxiliary means, it is a way of life. Life in Christ. And if Christ does not occupy the main place in life, this life very soon gives way to existence, the feeling of joylessness and meaninglessness of which is sometimes simply unbearable and pushes us to rash actions.

There is, however, another option for disappointment. When a person is disappointed, but not so much in the Church, but in himself. Then, at the stage of disappointment, he begins to hate not the imperfect Church, but the imperfect himself in the Church. As a result, instead of cynicism, despondency takes over his soul. Hopeless and incessant, it makes you painfully experience your own imperfection and, with a not too discriminating approach, becomes a substitute for self-reproach, repentance, and humility. It doesn’t matter here whether a person stays in the monastery or leaves. His internal state will inevitably lead to a deep internal breakdown, with which he will have to live for many years, both in the monastery and in the world. Another very common example ultimately boils down to despondency.

Escape from the world. In the monastic tradition of the Coptic Church (neither the dogmatic deviations of the Copts nor the lack of communication between our churches matter to us here. Coptic practice is interesting due to the fact that in our time Egyptian monks remain the successors of the hermits of ancient Alexandria), in order to enter the monastery you must meet two criteria: to be over thirty years old and have a higher education. It would seem, what does age matter and what does secular education have to do with it? Meanwhile, the logic is simple: higher education opens up certain prospects in life, and before the age of thirty, most educated people manage to realize at least some degree of self-realization in the world. That is, when coming to the monastery, a person refuses not just the world, but the world in which he has taken place, in which he has prospects. For a person who has not realized himself, who has not been successful, who has not built a career, who does not see any prospects, it is as easy as shelling pears to abandon the world. But such renunciation out of despair is worthless. Yes, this is not renunciation at all, but an illusion. There is nothing for a person to give up. In the world he is a nobody, has achieved nothing, has nothing, means nothing. He really comes to the monastery to save himself. From hunger, from cold, from the unsettled life and stupidity of life. And if it is not faith that brings one to the monastery, if a candidate for monasticism is not looking for Christ, if for the sake of Christ he has nothing really to renounce, then what will his monasticism be like? Yes, the same as life in the world: untenable, unfounded and, ultimately, meaningless. And the same desire that once forced the unlucky monk to escape from the cold, unkind world into the monastery, sooner or later will force him to flee from the monastery into the world, which, in the course of monotonous monastic days, through the prism of constant despondency, will very soon begin to seem interesting, attractive and full of tempting prospects. However, another situation may develop according to a similar scenario.

“I ran away from myself as if from consumption.” Escaping from problems, escaping from misfortune, escaping from tragedies and everyday dramas is always an escape from oneself. From powerlessness in the face of mental pain, from unwillingness or inability to accept life as it is or as it has become at a certain stage. A radical change in lifestyle, external environment, habits and environment helps for a while. But, without hard and consistent work on oneself, a person will never become different. You can change yourself, but you cannot escape from yourself. One way or another, the monastery turns into a prison for the unlucky fugitive: not only has nothing changed in his soul, but there is also nowhere to run. The feeling of imaginary lack of freedom deprives one of peace of mind and the once so hated world suddenly becomes interesting, even tempting. In this case, even if you want to stay in the monastery, it is very difficult to resist the desire, which over time only intensifies and becomes more and more intrusive.

This also includes those who come to the monastery out of despair. “I’m forty years old, but I never got married”..., “I was married twice, but family life doesn’t work out”... Following such complaints from church people, you can often hear “it’s clear that it’s God’s will for me to become a monk.” And then according to the already known scenario: novitiate, tonsure and... the same hopelessness. They come to the monastery with the desire to serve Christ, without being distracted by a thousand little things of worldly life. If a person runs from emptiness, then he will find nothing but emptiness in the monastery. Only the feeling of a wasted life will be replaced by an awareness of spiritual emptiness. In addition, the enemy of the human race does not sleep, and if in worldly life representatives (representatives) of the opposite sex did not pay the slightest attention to the now monk, then after tonsure the situation often changes radically. Is it worth guessing what method of filling the inner emptiness will be chosen by someone who is constantly trying to escape from this emptiness? Almost certainly - not asceticism and feat.

So where have we come to? There are many reasons why monks leave monasteries, neglect their vows and go out into the world. We have outlined some of them. It seems that there would be much fewer sad stories of various kinds of “formers” if people were not allowed to take monastic vows at a young (and ideally not at a young) age, with rich experience of life in the world. Educated, accomplished, with very definite life prospects. They also have experience in overcoming everyday problems, without breaking down in troubles and sorrows. And at the same time, everyone is ready to give up a successful career, a wealthy life, conquering heights, tempting prospects, and a comfortable old age. Refuse not just like that, but solely out of thirst for God, out of the desire to “be allowed to be with Christ,” out of the desire for “the Kingdom of God and its righteousness,” before which all the blessings and prospects of this world pale. Would you say there are very few of them? Maybe. But the transition from quantity to quality is one of the main signs of the Church overcoming the “growing pains” associated with the restoration of church life after almost a century of atheistic domination.

Life in the monastery

In our 21st century, it has become possible for ordinary lay people to get closer and see the life of monks.

Pilgrimage trips to nunneries and monasteries are now being organized. The pilgrimage lasts several days. The laity live at the monastery, in specially designated rooms for guests. Sometimes accommodation may be paid, but this is a symbolic price and the proceeds from it go to the maintenance of the monastery. Food is free, according to the monastery charter, that is, fast food.

But the laity do not live in the monastery as tourists, but become involved in the life of monks. They undergo obedience, work for the good of the monastery, pray and feel the grace of God with all their nature. They are very tired, but the fatigue is pleasant, grace-filled, which brings peace to the soul and a feeling of the closeness of God.

After such trips, many myths about the life of monks are dispelled:

1. There is strict discipline in the monastery, but it does not oppress the nuns and monks, but brings joy. They see the meaning of life in fasting, work and prayer.
2. Nobody forbids a monk to have books, listen to music, watch films, communicate with friends, travel, but everything should be for the good of the soul.
3. The cells are not dull, as they show in feature films, there is a wardrobe, a bed, a table, many icons - everything is very cozy.

After tonsure, three vows are taken: chastity, non-covetousness, obedience:

• Monastic chastity is celibacy, as a constituent element of aspiration towards God; the concept of chastity as abstinence from satisfying the lusts of the flesh also exists in the world, therefore the meaning of this vow in the context of monasticism is something else - the acquisition of God Himself;
• Monastic obedience is cutting off one’s will before everyone - elders, before every person, before Christ. Trust God infinitely and be submissive to Him in everything. Accept with gratitude everything as it is. Such a life acquires a special inner world, in direct contact with God and not overshadowed by any external circumstances;
• Non-acquisitiveness means renunciation of everything earthly. Monastic life renounces earthly goods: a monk should not have an addiction to anything. By renouncing earthly riches, he gains lightness of spirit.

And only with the Lord, when communication with Him becomes above all else - the rest, in principle, is not necessary and unimportant. https://www.youtube.com/embed/xDTgYP6hl_Q

Watch a video about how to enter a monastery

Watch a video about how to enter a monastery

Good question “The demon is processing”: Various people who left the monastery talk about their experiences

I understood that the characteristics of a sect (today the use of this word is considered incorrect due to its vague meaning and complex negative connotations - Ed.) are to some extent necessary to maintain the purity of the teaching. If the monastery were an open system, all its grace would be blown away by a worldly draft. It can be compared to a greenhouse: people went to such places because love was poured out there. Once my mother blessed me to go and listen to Dworkin’s course on sects (apparently because I was involved in Mormonism in the past), and I noted that almost all of their features can be attributed to the monastery. But in principle, I don’t have a purely negative attitude towards sects.

Perhaps I have never had and never will have a person closer to my mother. It was because of her that the years in the monastery were not wasted. Unfortunately, her anger during a difficult period for me put an end to my monastic life. The temptation that broke me was related to LGBT thoughts. Sometimes such a desire arose; in the monastery they called it “the demon processes.” Naturally, I turned to my mother. She refused to discuss this and referred me to an elderly nun, saying that she should understand what to do with me. They reprimanded me for my sin, but they didn’t help me overcome it.

Then another episode happened. I unintentionally harmed one of the sisters by advising her to read the Myrrh-Streaming Nile. And she didn’t just advise, but pointed out at that moment that beardless young men were prohibited from living on Athos. “And here,” I say, “everyone here is beardless!” What a temptation!” It turned out that this sister also suffered from a forbidden attraction to girls for a whole year - and then I threw in another thought. Then strange things began to happen. She threatened to beat her sisters with a stick if they pestered her - and almost no one understood what this meant. She said that everyone goes to service not for the sake of service, but because they feel attracted to it. At this time, something like reciprocity manifested itself between us. In the end, I couldn’t stand it and realized that it was better for me to leave. That sister had already taken monastic vows, but mine was put off for many years - apparently due to sinful thoughts, they said that I had a risk of getting married. Then physical escape seemed to me the only way out. I decided to go into hermitage, fled at night, was ready to starve and rely on the will of God. The next day they caught me, took off my cassock, gave me someone’s skirt, my documents and took me to my mother.

At home I felt like I was collapsing. I went online. I didn’t know where to get clothes to continue my escape to Altai. I wondered why God interrupted this escape. I thought about a lot of things. At first I was really drawn back - I kept dreaming about the monastery. Of course, we no longer communicated with any of the remaining ones. One day I decided to come to the service simply as a parishioner - so they kicked me out. The sisters said that mother would come in now, she couldn’t let her see me here. They told me to go to another church - and there was such hatred in my eyes and voice, as if I had raped all the sisters and there was no forgiveness for me. But that day I saw the sister for whom I left the monastery, which means she stayed to serve and I didn’t do everything in vain. This calmed me down a little.

I Googled monk Baranov, who had left a neighboring monastery some time before. We started talking, and then got married. Mikhail, my husband, is an atheist and anti-clerical. For me, becoming an atheist means ceasing to exist. God is more real than myself. There is no way to cut out the experience of communion with God. We had constant conflicts on this basis, and for the last two years I have been living far from Mikhail - I left. I took our son and am embodying the ideal of an old man - to live on the earth with his own garden and stove. I don’t have any close friends, I mostly only communicate with my son. Every day I chop wood, carry water from the pump, and say the Jesus Prayer. It’s difficult with other prayers.

It is impossible to change the environment without changing the faith. I used to be strict, now I’m liberal. I can’t help but think about going somewhere as a hermit in my old age, but my son was recently diagnosed with autism, he needs to be put back on his feet, and it’s unclear how many years this will take.

Imagine that in an instant all your friends and all your spiritual relatives turn into blocks of stone that do not see you and hate you. This is pain, trauma. I think that is why a rehabilitation center is needed for those who have passed on, regardless of whether the person still has faith in God or not. I think about the correctness of care to this day, I keep a blog where I write about it.

I would like those returning to the world to have the opportunity to undergo special therapy - too much remains unclear at the junction of two spaces. I would like to figure out at what point I made a mistake. Why God turned out to be different from what I hoped and did not allow me to go into complete loneliness. How to deal with prodigal passion now - and many other thoughts remain. Gestalt is not closed.

^ CHAPTER 9. What you should especially pay attention to when examining conscience

1. To the violation of baptismal vows along with the denial of all satanic works.
2. For violation of monastic vows, which include the promise of purity and abstinence, obedience and non-covetousness, patience with all sorrow and oppression.
3. Violation of monastic decency, which causes temptation and spiritual harm for the seduced.
4. To the evil thoughts and evil lusts that constantly attack the monk.
5. To omission of prayers and distraction of thoughts during the doxology.
6. To the insolence of the tongue, expressed in murmuring, slander and condemnation.
7. To disobey the abbot or elder brethren (even if only internal resistance arises, not expressed by action).
8. Negligence in any task for which he is called upon.

How monks abstain from intimacy

No one ends up in a monastery just like that. As a rule, the choice is conscious and every monk knows how sexual desire can affect a person. To abstain, monks quite often use the sayings of the elders about fornication and try to overcome the desire within themselves precisely with the power of thought.

Many people believe that monks refuse sex only externally, but they have to fight internal attraction. Most often, they use the following methods to refuse it:

• To prevent desire and sexual attraction, monks have to burden themselves with a lot of work. This is the only way they have the opportunity to escape from “bad” thoughts. In the Middle Ages, many monks even beat themselves with a whip at the moment when a desire arose in the body. The emergence of desires was associated primarily with the temptation of Satan;
• Having chosen their path, the monks are aware of the existing prohibitions. Many cope with what is dictated to them by religion, and many cannot stand it and leave the monastery for good to enjoy everything that life has given them;
• it is believed that after a person becomes closer to God, he ceases to be bothered by the feelings inherent in ordinary people;
• monks reduce the importance of sex, realizing that their choice was made in a different direction.

Those who have never had anything to do with monasticism believe that they are going against nature. It’s not so easy that we were created the way we are.

She went to the monastery. Life and everyday life of the convent through the eyes of a “VM” correspondent

After the great Orthodox holidays, the VM correspondent, thinking about the meaning of life and how people come to God, went to the St. Nicholas Chernoostrovsky Monastery, which is near the Luzha River on the border of the Moscow and Kaluga regions. To find out what trials women who want to enter a monastery have to go through, I became a simple laborer for three days. This is the name given to the lay people who get work here in exchange for food and shelter. This is the first test for those who want to stay in the monastery forever. By the way, not everyone passes it...

WHAT NUNS ARE SILENT ABOUT

The first day. There is no running water in the main cathedral of the monastery. To collect water for cleaning and washing the floors in the temple (my first obedience), the nuns usually go to the cellar - it is in the residential building next door. A long, gentle staircase leads down and seems endless. In the very corner of the tiny room lined with white tiles is the treasured water tap.

“Come closer, don’t be afraid,” a woman’s voice was heard.

This is the nun Jerome in a black cassock. Carefully, slowly, she fills transparent flower vases with ice water to decorate the temple. My unexpected appearance does not bother my sister at all: people here have long been accustomed to workers like me...

—Are there no other exits from the cellar? — accustomed to the comfort of civilization, I ask. I really don’t want to climb back up the stairs with heavy buckets.

“No,” the sister shrugs.

There is nothing to be done - I head up the same long stairs. The road will be mastered by the one walking, spinning in his head. Running away from difficulties in a monastery is stupid. And that's not why I came here.

It's getting dark. The frosty January sky lights up with the first stars. Here, in this unhurried world, you pay closer attention to the appearance of stars in the dark sky. Plumes of smoke appeared from behind the trees outside the monastery wall - the locals were lighting the stoves in their houses. With buckets filled to the brim, I make my way through the high snowdrifts towards St. Nicholas Cathedral, where the nun Silouana is waiting for me.

“The assistant has arrived in time,” nun Silouana turns to me. She looks no more than 30. Graceful, slender figure - like a former ballerina, I think.

St. Nicholas Cathedral is filled with the fragrance of Athonite oils and myrrh. A lamp glows near the icon of St. Nicholas. The evening service had long since been served: apart from me and Sister Silouana, there was not a soul in the cathedral. The clock says 21:00. I take a rag, a bucket and a brush.

My mentor remains below, and I go upstairs, right under the dome. The choir (the place where singers and readers are located during services) is huge. There are chairs around the edges - for elderly nuns. On a wooden table in the corner there is a psalter and sheet music.

The chronicle of the St. Nicholas Chernoostrovsky Monastery contains more than one choir. But the current choir is special. The Byzantine chant, which the sisters use to perform church akathists, is a rarity not only in the capital, but also in Russia. The sisters learned this in Greece, from the famous Athos inhabitants of the Holy Mountains.

On major holidays there is no crowd here: all the sisters of the monastery, and there are no more than 108 of them (these are nuns, nuns, novices and schema-nuns), gather for the festive divine liturgy.

Having settled in the St. Nicholas Church, we move to the neighboring one - the Church of the Korsun Icon of the Mother of God. This is a large, bright church in the shape of a basilica, the iconostasis of which is decorated with wooden carvings.

The hearing takes place in complete silence. It is not customary to talk while working. The sisters also rarely talk to each other. I finally decide to start a conversation.

- And if, as they say, it’s boiling, who are you crying to? In the pillow? — I ask my sister Siluana.

“We reveal all our sorrows and joys to only one person - our mother abbess,” the sister reluctantly explains. “And when we enter the monastery, we tell her all our lives from birth.”

— Why did you decide to go to the monastery? Nun Silouana smiles.

She was probably asked this question dozens of times - by relatives, neighbors, friends...

“To be closer to God,” she answers. “But everyone’s reasons for leaving are different.

— What prompted you exactly? - I’m not far behind.

- Hatred of everything worldly! - she answers without hesitation.

Wow! Can a monk hate? But what about the love that Christ spoke about?

— The monk hates sin. And in the world there is especially a lot of sin that poisons the soul,” sighs the young nun.

—What is required from a believer to come to you and be closer to God?

“The doors to the monastery are open to everyone,” the nun humbly explains (this is what they call those who permanently live in the monastery). - Nikolai, Mother Superior, tries not to refuse anyone. Usually many pilgrims come to the monastery. They live for free, work in general monastic obediences, and attend church. Some stay forever.

—Have there been cases when sisters abandoned everything and ran away from the monastery?

Sister Silouana does not answer and points to the oiled candlestick, as if hinting that it is time to get to work. The conversation is over. We have to obey. Although in another place she would certainly start arguing. But not at this time. Not here. Not with this person. A monastery is a special world with its own strict hierarchy.

The workers are subordinate to the novices. They, in turn, must follow the instructions of the monastic clergy in everything. And the nuns themselves are directly subordinate to the abbess of the monastery, Mother Nikolai. There is also a special position here - dean. This is the right hand of the abbess. In office terms, Deputy Director. As it turned out later, all the tasks “flew” to me from the dean’s sister Seraphima.

LIFE OF THE monastery

The morning in the monastery, as always, began with the first rays of the sun. I see that the territory of the monastery is lively. The sisters hurry along snow-covered paths to St. Nicholas Church for common prayer. Then comes the cell rule - each sister prays in her own cell. At 9 am Divine Liturgy. Everyone takes part in it: nuns, novices, workers, parishioners.

Only at 11:30 is the first meal in the entire monastery! The nuns eat separately - in the sisters' building. Largely because their meals are strikingly different from the meals of workers. Everyone has the same menu, but their attitude towards food is different. The sisters call the meal nothing more than a continuation of the Divine Liturgy. Before eating food, they sing a prayer of thanks for the bread and salt given by the Lord. They do not eat meat in the monastery.

On holidays, fish is served on the table. But the menu always has a wide selection of dairy products: milk, cottage cheese, cheese. The monastery farm has 16 cows: black-and-white, Schwyz, Sychevsky and Holstein breeds. Next to the barn, the sisters run their own small dairy shop: here they roll their own cheeses, infuse fermented baked milk, bake cheesecakes and pancakes.

From 12:00 to 16:00 the sisters work in obediences. Monastic obediences are changing. Waking up in the morning, the sister never knows what front of work she will be entrusted with this time. In the summer, the sisters spend most of their time in the gardens: growing tomatoes in greenhouses and seedlings. In winter they work in workshops: they sew liturgical clothes, embroider icons, and paint churches.

At 17:00 the all-night vigil begins in the monastery. For every nun, worship is the central event of the day. Not a single painted fresco, not a single skillfully embroidered icon can compare in significance with prayer.

The last meal in the monastery is at eight in the evening.

From 23:00 to two in the morning, closed night services are held in the monastery. You can attend such a service only with the permission of the abbess of the monastery.

But not these days - now that I’m here, there are no night services on holy days. At such closed night services, the sisters pray for peace (including in Ukraine, they ask God for the health of loved ones).

“Sometimes you can get the impression of a routine: service, meal, obedience... Again service, meal,” says novice Maria. - But that's not true. One Athonite elder said: “You need to start your day as if you came to the monastery just yesterday.” The sisters of the monastery strictly follow this instruction.

Novice Maria, who seemed to be an older woman, actually turned out to be my age. Meek, humble, with a slightly hunched back, Mary bears obedience in the prosphora: she bakes bread and prosphora for worship. It turned out that she, like me, is a journalist by profession. But he is reluctant to remember life before the monastery.

— Do you have a TV? — I ask my question, realizing that it sounds strange here.

“No, my sisters don’t watch TV,” Maria answers indifferently. - This is not a healthy activity.

There is only one TV for the entire monastery in the monastery library. However, in the monastery there is simply no time to sit down and watch TV in broad daylight. All the books I brought remained unopened. My entire first day is busy until the evening.

FATHERS AND SONS

Second day. Unlike the nuns, I woke up at eight in the morning. I woke up with difficulty after yesterday’s obedience and rushed to the morning liturgy at nine. Meanwhile, the sisters themselves are as good as new.

By the way, there is not a trace of fatigue on their bright faces. After the service I go to lunch. I crave hot coffee. But the monastery menu does not include an invigorating drink. Only tea (and only green) or fruit drink.

When we arrived, the table was already set. Potatoes, buckwheat, fish cakes are steaming, vegetable salad with cheese and olives, monastery cottage cheese, bread and fruit are simply served. And the appetite is such that I am amazed at myself. But, of course, I remain modest.

Vladimir keeps me company at the table. He is the father of one of the novices: a 56-year-old man, a native of Belgorod. His cell is opposite mine; he lives in the bishop’s house. Usually special guests and relatives are accommodated there. The amenities are like those of a good hotel. The conversation develops on its own. I found out that Vladimir came to the monastery for the third year in a row: he missed his daughter. She is a novice here, she is 27, her name is Tanya. In the monastery, a girl is engaged in painting.

“The life of the monastery has always been shrouded in a mass of secrets and mysteries,” says Vladimir. “And there are even more misconceptions and prejudices around “those who have renounced the blessings of the world.” They say that old people go to the monastery to atone for the sins of their youth...

- What really?

“My daughter went to a monastery at the age of 25,” says Vladimir. - She is beautiful and smart. There was no end to the suitors. I remember how one entrepreneur courted her. A good man, not poor. And it seemed like they had love...

- So what - he met someone else? - I ask.

- What do you! No! One fine day, my daughter went, as they say, in company with a friend, to stay at the monastery for a week. And she stayed here forever. At first, my wife and I tried to dissuade her. We tried really hard! And she asked him point blank: “Dad, do you want me to be happy?” And what kind of father does not want happiness for his child? We have come to terms.

But another visitor, Antonina (she is from Moscow), could not come to terms with her only daughter leaving for a monastery. She still feels uneasy. Although five years have passed since that day, the woman secretly continues to hope that “her daughter will eventually come to her senses and return to the world.”

“Life passes you by,” she says with sadness in her voice. - Now Katenka is 25. She may still have time to get married and give birth to grandchildren. But instead, my beauty grazes cattle, cleans the barn...

Antonina's daughter turned out to be pretty and friendly. Her wide smile and kind big eyes radiate joy and harmony. Katya firmly decided for herself that her home was here. From other novices I learned that Katya was sick with an incurable disease. It was with this misfortune that she came to the monastery. Doctors predicted her death would come soon. As they say, the whole monastery began to pray for her. They begged. The disease has subsided.

I CALLED HER ANGEL

My third and penultimate day at the monastery turned out to be the hardest. But more on that later. Of all the nuns of the monastery, for some reason I remember Sister Philareta the most. The nun looks to be at least forty, and her huge gray eyes reveal her to be a very energetic person. I called her an angel. Filareta literally saved me from “death.” And it happened like this: when I returned to my cell after the meal, I found a note in the door. And in it: “You have been blessed to iron clothes. Ironing board and iron opposite.” I think, apparently, I tormented everyone here so much with my questions that they decided to communicate with me in writing - through messages. I enter the next cell, where there is a whole mountain of duvet covers and towels...

I'm starting to obey. After two hours of ironing, black dots began jumping in front of my eyes from fatigue, and the mountain of laundry did not decrease. It became very difficult: both physically and mentally. Then Sister Philareta comes in with an electric iron in one hand and a folding ironing board in the other. When together, things naturally work out. An hour later, ironing is almost complete... When she found out that I was a journalist, she asked.

—What will you write about?

— About what and how you live, how you relax, what you eat...

“So this is the most uninteresting thing in our life,” Sister Philareta grins. - What difference does it really make what you eat?

- What is interesting then?

“People should be interested in knowing how we pray, for example,” the nun explains. - But in general…

The sister thinks about it. Her gaze stops at my mobile phone, which I do not part with even here.

“Some people in the world consider us... strange.” People seriously believe that we live like in a prison. But in fact, a monastery is a garden for the soul and a prison for sin, and the world, on the contrary: for sin in the world there is freedom...

Then I thought for a long time about the nun’s words. I wanted to argue and agree with her at the same time. However, despite the obvious difficulties, I liked being in the monastery. Regularity, the opportunity to be alone with oneself, without haste and fuss - isn’t this what each of us lacks? On the day of my departure, I met the abbess, Abbess Nikolai. In the history of modern monasticism, she is a legendary person in every sense. Suffice it to say that in the early 90s, this strong, courageous woman, not afraid to take responsibility on her fragile shoulders, created the first Orthodox orphanage in Russia for girls, which today numbers 50 orphans. Our conversation lasted only a few minutes. A very long line lined up behind me for Mother’s blessing. But in these short minutes, the wise nun managed to read the whole gamut of feelings in my eyes: gratitude, admiration, surprise and at the same time confusion, a feeling of understatement.

- Thank you for working here with us. You have received a lesson in monastic life. “God bless you,” the abbess told me goodbye.

And we parted. With the caveat on my part that one day I will definitely return here again.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Ekaterina Goncharova is a correspondent for the newspaper “Evening Moscow”, a member of the Moscow Union of Journalists, an Orthodox activist, and a volunteer.

History of the emergence of monasticism

In order to understand how monks manage to abstain from intimacy, we first need to understand who a monk is and how he became one.

The first mention of monks was in Egypt, at that time a province of the Eastern Roman Empire. The monks retired to the desert to be away from worldly temptations. In the 4th century, after Christianity was recognized as the state religion, many began to imitate the desire to undergo torment in order for their faith to be established.

Interesting! Sheikh Mohammed marries his beloved daughter

The founder of monasticism was Anthony the Great, who lived in the 4th century. He settled on the banks of the Nile in complete solitude. After some time, other people began to come to him for guidance and teachings. But despite the fact that Anthony gave answers to all questions, he forbade anyone to settle next to him.

Interesting! In addition to the fact that Anthony became the first monk, he also became the person who could organize a monastic monastery. People lived next to each other, but did not communicate with each other. Already at this time there were a large number of monastic monasteries where monks lived as hermits.

Interesting! The Albanian princess was a lifelong prisoner of the Sultan

^ CHAPTER 1. The primary duties of a monk

1. To love God with all your heart as a Father and to fear Him as a Lord (in other words, to revere Him at all times and in all places).
2. Express love for Him by fulfilling His commandments in every possible way.
3. For God's sake, do good to your neighbor in everything.
4. To deny oneself - giving up one's will in order to fulfill the will of God and those in authority.
5. To eradicate evil both in yourself and in others, in yourself - by killing passions, in others - by protecting them from vicious deeds.
6. To plant gospel piety in yourself and others. In oneself - by diligently listening and reading the word of God, tearful repentance and frequent reverent communion of the Holy Mysteries of Christ. In others - by a good example, spiritual conversations and fervent prayer to God.

Reasons for the emergence of monasticism

Previously, such people went to death for Christ, they were burned, thrown to wild animals to be torn to pieces, crucified, but now there was no opportunity to demonstrate their faith, and they found a way out in monasticism.

The next, rather significant prerequisite for the emergence of monasticism was the literal interpretation of the passages of Scripture that speak of opposition to worldly values, the call not to love the world.

Greek philosophy also played a major role, the teaching of which was to suppress the desires of the flesh, later this was expressed in asceticism - the removal of all carnal desires, a reclusive lifestyle, complete self-denial.