What signs and superstitions are associated with the presence of a fork at a funeral table?
Historically, this cutlery was brought to Russia by Peter I. And for a long time people simply did not know how to use it correctly, and therefore it was not even in everyday use.
In addition, there was a superstition that explained why one should not eat with a fork at funerals. Her appearance resembled the tail of a demon. Therefore, using a fork meant serving the devil. However, even with this device firmly established in everyday life, many still used only a spoon according to tradition.
Where did the belief come from?
There is no clear answer to why forks are not used at funerals. The most popular and plausible versions include the following:
- Type of food served. Most dishes from Russian funeral cuisine are inconvenient to eat with this device. This applies to pancakes, bread, pastries, and jelly. Kutya, traditional for funerals, is also more convenient to eat with a spoon.
- Pagan interpretation. In the traditions of this belief, when commemorating the dead, you cannot start a quarrel, and, even more so, quarrel and cause damage to each other. Therefore, before entering the room where the deceased was commemorated, it was necessary to leave all weapons and piercing and cutting objects. These include forks.
- Help the poor. Another tradition that accompanies the commemoration is helping the poor and needy. This category of people was treated to dishes from the funeral table and invited to directly participate in the meal. Most of them were uneducated and simply did not know how to use a fork. Therefore, it was replaced with the usual spoon.
- Protest sign. This cutlery has not been in everyday use for very long. Its widespread use began under Peter I. The Emperor ordered the introduction of table manners and actively encouraged the use of forks. Like most of his innovations, it was perceived by the people as something foreign and alien. They pointedly refused to use it, citing the fact that the device resembled the horns of the devil.
- Esoteric version. According to it, the soul of the deceased is at the same table with the guests present. If she is surrounded by sharp objects, she may get hurt and even experience pain.
- Household version. According to Russian tradition, alcohol is always present at the funeral table. Often in huge quantities. Some of those commemorating could well have had too much alcohol and started a fight. In order to avoid injury and death, employees of canteens and cafes (where funerals are often held) do not serve forks and knives on the table. Dealing a serious blow with a spoon is quite problematic.
Opinion of representatives of the Russian Orthodox Church
In accordance with traditions, Orthodox Christians organize funerals on the 3rd, 9th and 40th day after death. At the same time, it is customary to visit a temple and pray for the soul of a loved one. At the same time, there is no mention of cutlery in church canons. As a rule, clergy recommend deciding for yourself what you will use. At the same time, you should think not about signs, but about the soul of a person who has completed his earthly journey.
Conclusion
Representatives of the Orthodox Church insist that using a fork and knife at a funeral meal is not a sin. It is only important to perform the funeral service correctly for the deceased and follow the rules for performing the funeral rites. At the same time, what you will use when eating food is up to you to decide.
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Features of table setting at a wake
You need to set the table with all the honors of the ritual, place plates for each guest who comes. Napkins folded in half are placed on them. Place a spoon on the right, always with the back side up (vice versa). Crystal and porcelain cannot be placed on the table. It is not customary to use holiday dishes; homemade, everyday dishes are better. Lay a plain, dull-colored tablecloth.
Fir branches are used to decorate the table at funerals. Be sure to leave a separate place empty at the head of the table for the deceased. A chair is highlighted, the back of it is decorated with a black mourning ribbon or a spruce branch. No one can occupy it. A portrait with a photograph is placed on the table, framed with a black ribbon in the corner. They light a candle, put a plate and a spoon on it. Sometimes they add a glass of water and a piece of bread on top of it. The glass with bread is not removed after the end of the wake; everything remains until the fortieth day. Avoid alcohol, even wine.
Wine is a symbol of earthly joy, and the funeral meal is a time of reading prayers and sorrow.
The Orthodox faith considers drinking alcohol a sin. Having used it, the posthumous fate of the soul and wanderings in the afterlife worsen. The hosts and relatives of the deceased decide whether to serve alcoholic drinks.
Rent a cafe or restaurant for a funeral dinner. The entire organization: preparing dishes, arranging tables and chairs, serving cutlery (spoons, plates and glasses), cleaning, is handled by the administration.
Pay attention to seating arrangements. There is a sequence: the closest relatives (father and mother, husband or wife, brothers and sisters) are located near the place of the deceased. Guests are seated according to relationship or seniority. Men and women at the wake are seated alternately with each other, and married people are also seated. Children sit at the end of the table and should only eat with spoons.
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Bright clothing and exposed areas of the body (neckline, arms, stomach, legs) are inappropriate at a wake. Cheerful behavior, arguments and quarrels are prohibited. It is believed that if you cry a lot, then in the next world your soul will drown and suffer. Before lunch, the room is fumigated with incense.
Setting the table for a funeral includes a choice of several dishes. It must be taken into account that meals are eaten only with spoons:
- Kutya, pancakes and jelly (the basis of the menu).
- Hot (noodles, soup, borscht).
- Meat or fish with side dishes (cutlets, goulash with mashed potatoes, buckwheat porridge).
- Cold appetizers (vegetable salads).
- Sweets, baked goods, fruits (sweets, cookies, pies).
- Drinks (compote, juice).
At each change of dishes, it is customary to say a prayer and take a clean spoon. The first pancake and a ladle of jelly are given to the deceased.
If something falls from the table during the wake, it is not picked up.
At the end of the funeral, all food is distributed to guests, poor people, or taken to the cemetery, but is not thrown away. You can give it to animals. The wake is short and it is not customary to say goodbye at them.
Why is it customary to hand out spoons and mugs as a 40-day memorial?
Depending on the traditions common in different regions and countries, spoons or mugs are distributed for 40 days after death to remember the deceased. In Orthodoxy there are no strict rules about what can and cannot be given away during a funeral service, because the distribution of things is based on ancient pagan beliefs. The main requirement put forward by the priests is to show respect to the deceased after death, donating a mug or spoon is optional.
What happens if you break the ban?
Whenever you think about what will happen if you break the ban on eating with a fork, it is worth remembering the true purpose of the wake. This is, first of all, a combination of intense prayer for the deceased with the giving of mercy (dinner). For the soul of a deceased person, it makes no difference what kind of cutlery will be used. The main thing is to preserve his memory and pray intensely for him.
From the point of view of convenience for invited guests, it is worth bringing all cutlery to the table. Since not all dishes are convenient to eat with one spoon. Moreover, the sign has nothing to do with Christianity, it is just a belief about the “horned, devilish essence” of a fork or causing pain to the soul of the deceased with a sharp object.
Compliance with this prohibition remains at the discretion of the person organizing the funeral dinner. The use of a fork has no influence on the future fate of this person, invited guests or the soul of the deceased.
Why are the dead buried?
Christianity is a religion of life, not death. Therefore, it speaks of death not as the end of existence, but as a hope for eternal life, a transition to another world.
After bodily death, the soul does not disappear anywhere, because it is immortal. So Christianity says that the time will come when the human body will be resurrected. When it will be? After the Second Coming of Christ. All the dead will rise, and they will rise not only mentally, but also physically. Man will remain bodily in heaven and in hell. Where such confidence? Christ Himself set an example for humanity: He ascended to heaven in both body and spirit.
According to the Apostle Paul, the human body is nothing more than a temple of the Holy Spirit, a shrine. That is why Christians bury the dead piously: they wash the body, dress it in funeral clothes, put it in a coffin and bury it. Unfortunately, today many folk funeral superstitions have been added to the pious burial rite.
Belief in eternal life is reflected even in the etymology of the word “deceased” - fallen asleep, retired, and not sunk into oblivion. Therefore, Christians do not erase the names of the deceased from memory. On the contrary: they remember them, pray, thank them for all the good things.
For those who have passed on, it makes no difference how you conduct the wake, whether you cover the mirrors, whether you wear black and mourn for at least a year. But he cares whether you pray for him. The main emphasis is on prayer and alms, and not on those strange things that supporters of popular superstitions continue to do.
To make it easier for you and your relatives to part with funeral prejudices, we will consider the most striking, hypothetical stories of their origin and debunk “old wives' tales” from a Christian point of view.
Funeral menu - about sweets and more
Distributing sweets on funeral days is an old tradition. This is often done in cemeteries; do not be afraid of such gifts.
You cannot only eat those treats that were previously lying on the graves. Such sweets are intended for the deceased. Traditionally, only people living in need can take them.
Concerns may be caused by the fact that any funeral dishes, including sweets, can be cast with a love spell or damage. Therefore, you should not eat what was received from the hands of a person who may wish you harm. Strangers with sweets are often not something to be intimidated by - they are simply observing an ancient funeral tradition.
How did the funeral dinner begin?
In the Slavic culture, it was believed that a deceased person must pass from the world of the living to the world of the dead through certain rituals. Thus, the funeral meal, immediately following the burial, was aimed at preparing for the transition. Traditionally, the first dish at a funeral was kolivo, or kutia - rice or wheat porridge with raisins. This dish was associated with the cult of the earth. It was believed that it symbolizes the ground in which the deceased was buried.
After kutya, the funeral menu included pancakes, symbolizing the sun. But, if round pancakes were associated with heavenly fire, then pancakes folded in four were a symbol of the setting sun and sorrow. Often the pancakes were topped with poppy milk or honey, wishing for the deceased to have a sweet afterlife. Often, along with pancakes, buns made from yeast dough with the symbolism of a funeral pyre were served.
Origins of the tradition
Feasting at the grave is a pre-Christian, pagan tradition, dating back to such hoary antiquity that it is even difficult to pinpoint the time of its origin. Doctor of Historical Sciences, religious scholar A. Zubov believes that such a funeral custom has been going on almost since Paleolithic times. If we look at times closer to us, we can see that many peoples practice feasting at graves. The Slavs called them triznas.
It is difficult to say today exactly how the Slavic funeral feast took place, since not a single reliable description has been preserved, but we can say with complete confidence that the most important part of the feast was the food. When the funeral of a noble person took place, a sacrifice was made on a mound poured over his grave and ritual games were held (scientists A. Tseytlin, F. Fortunatov, O. Trubachev and others draw this conclusion based on the etymology of the word “trizna”, in a number of old Indo-European languages meaning “struggle, competition, reward” and even “three-year-old animal”). After this there was a feast. In The Tale of Bygone Years, Princess Olga, wanting to outwit the Drevlyans, asks them to prepare meads (intoxicating drinks) so that she can worthily celebrate a funeral feast for her husband at his grave.
The meaning of the feast at the grave is clear: since ancient times, a joint meal has served as a unifying event. Relatives and people close to each other eat together. It is no coincidence that bread and salt serve as a symbol of hospitality: by eating our food with us, a stranger becomes one of our own. Therefore, food next to the grave is a symbol of unity with the deceased, a sign that he still remains a member of the family, clan. This has a lot to do with the cult of ancestors, whom the Slavs (and not only the Slavs) revered as powerful intercessors, protectors of the living. You cannot offend your ancestors or bypass them at meals, otherwise they can easily turn from intercessors into malicious spirits.
The meaning of things from a wake for a person
Esotericists note: personal belongings, especially loved ones, carry the powerful energy of the dead. The destructive power remaining after death, absorbed into clothes, a personal mug, spoon, jewelry, will harm the new owner, provoke illness, discord in family relationships, and material losses. Especially if the deceased had to die a painful, violent death. Negative energy is quickly accumulated by things worn near the body, favorite dishes. Food in dishes takes on destructive properties. In Orthodoxy, it is believed that the effect disappears after forty days, but psychics warn about the possibility of a longer negative impact. It is advised to donate the deceased’s items (clothes, spoons, mugs, souvenirs) and take them away from the family. Expensive jewelry that is hard to say goodbye to can be cleaned. Gold, silver, precious stones are placed in salt for 1-2 days. A similar procedure can be carried out with mugs, saucers, silver spoons, and tea sets. In the future, jewelry can be worn without fear of side effects.
Often remembering the deceased with sadness, looking at things, eating him with a spoon, using a cup, is harmful for the living and the dead. A wake on the fortieth day and preserving warm memories is enough. Emotions when using things, mugs, plates, clothes, should be pleasant.
According to psychologists, storing the deceased’s belongings will complicate the process of saying goodbye and will constantly remind you of the death of a loved one. To come to terms with the loss, it is better to get rid of things (clothes, photographs) or hide them for a while while the soul hurts and the emotional wound has not healed. If an item (decoration, photo frame, mug with a photo, spoon) no longer evokes negative emotions, it is allowed to be used. The fate of things should be resolved peacefully, without squabbles and scandals in the family. If relatives have different opinions about clothing or jewelry, it is important to find a compromise. For consultation, you can contact your priest or visit church. If this is not possible, you are allowed to consult on an Orthodox forum.
Source
Church opinion
There is no mention of cutlery in church canons. According to the clergy, first of all you should think not about the devices, but about the soul of the deceased. Read prayers, remember him with a kind word. A funeral dinner held without prayers is much worse than a dinner held with forks at the table.
Other church ministers have a more categorical opinion about this tradition. They classify it as superstition. And they, as you know, are prohibited in the Orthodox Church and are eradicated in every possible way.
Sweets and baked goods
In order for as many people as possible to remember the deceased, on the days allotted for commemoration, sweets and baked goods should be distributed to acquaintances, neighbors, beggars and children encountered on this day.
How many candies are distributed at funerals? This question is individual for everyone, but there should not be a lot of sweets and confectionery products. After all, the goal is for a person to remember the deceased, and not to indulge in gluttony and, thereby, sin himself. A couple of sweets and one bun or cookie will be enough for one person, or a little more, at your discretion.
The deceased's belongings must be burned.
Is it necessary to burn the deceased's belongings? Many say yes, because along with these things a certain energy is transmitted. For those who especially defend this popular superstition, we advise you to burn your grandmother’s apartment, your father’s savings and your mother’s jewelry. Usually, when it comes to something valuable, people take back their words.
If a person dear to you has passed away into eternity and you are trying to quickly get rid of bitter memories and everything that tears your heart, do not rush to burn everything. It's better to give things away to those in need.
Usually only towels after washing and the bed on which the deceased lay are burned. Why not give the clothes that he wore during his life to others? You can keep something as a keepsake.
Is there any more or less logical explanation for the funeral superstition for those who like to burn?
It can be assumed that during infectious epidemics it was desirable to set fire to the things of the dead so that these objects would not cause infection to others.
You can find a second explanation for lovers of magic. Things carry a certain energy. And if a person was sick for a long time, then, accordingly, he attracted negative energy to himself. What if the deceased previously suffered from some kind of mental disorder? A Christian should not be afraid of this. And if any doubts still arise, you can always pray, cross things and sprinkle them with holy water.
Why do they hang mirrors in the house of the deceased?
Experienced priests admit: over the years of their pastorate, they have not met a single house or apartment where they were called for a funeral service, in which all the mirrors were not hung. If you ask: “Why did you do this?”, then the top three most popular answers will be: “Everyone does it this way,” “That’s what my grandmother said,” “So that the soul of the deceased, seeing himself in the mirror, is not afraid / So that relatives, seeing him in the mirror they were not afraid of the passing soul.”
How can a Christian who believes in God and an afterlife believe such nonsense? It's probably not a matter of a soul flying over the mirror, but something else.
They say that many centuries ago, when a loved one died in a rich man’s house, relatives hung sparkling chandeliers, furniture, and decorative elements with black fabric. Why did they do this? The sparkling interior distracted them from praying for their loved one; in order to concentrate, the relatives removed all the “irritants.”
Today this tradition has become obsolete. It is completely incomprehensible why those who do not have huge crystal chandeliers and expensive shiny furniture in their homes hang up mirrors. The new context of this story with the reflection of the soul in the mirror is nothing more than an ingrained superstition.
Is it possible to take food home?
It is known that food from the cemetery is not eaten. This is to some extent allowed only to those who have no other way to obtain food other than to take a memorial from the grave. But is it possible to take food home from the funeral?
The food from the funeral table is intended to feed as many people as possible. It is customary to distribute the leftovers to those in need. This food does not carry any negativity. It was prepared so that people could treat themselves and during the meal remember the bright deeds of the deceased during his lifetime.
You can also give food to those who came to honor the deceased with them. Did they give you something from a wake that your loved one attended? Help yourself, remember the deceased person, wish him peace. True, there is one “but” here. Witchcraft is often performed on funeral dishes for various purposes. Therefore, do not take them from the hands of those who may wish you harm.
If there is anything left after the feast, you can take the treats with you. But you can’t throw them away; it’s better to give the leftovers to the animals.
During a mournful meal, a portrait of the deceased is displayed, and next to it is a glass of water and a piece of bread. Anyone who drinks or eats his treat will get sick and die soon. It should not even be given to animals.
Why you can't eat with a fork at a funeral
Most often, a categorical prohibition on performing any action is considered from three main points of view:
- Christian;
- Pagan;
- Law enforcement.
As for the traditions that are used at funerals, they are often associated with religion. The Christian religion requires that clergy perform certain actions before giving the body of the deceased to the earth. Orthodox priests perform the funeral service for the deceased on the territory of the temple, but sometimes this action can be carried out directly in the cemetery, and in the church you only need to order a service.
After the deceased has been buried, according to tradition, he should be remembered. There are also some customs here that have been strictly observed for centuries. One of these traditions is the ban on the use of forks and knives at funerals and wakes.
