≡ November 20, 2020
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Novice Timofey (in the world Timote Suladze) dreamed of becoming a bishop, but life in the monastery changed his plans, forcing him to start over from scratch.
First try
I went to the monastery several times. The first desire arose when I was 14 years old. Then I lived in Minsk, studying in the first year of music school. I had just started going to church and asked to sing in the church choir of the cathedral. In the shop of one of the Minsk churches, I accidentally came across a detailed life of St. Seraphim of Sarov - a thick book, about 300 pages. I read it in one fell swoop and immediately wanted to follow the example of the saint.
Soon I had the opportunity to visit several Belarusian and Russian monasteries as a guest and pilgrim. In one of them, I made friends with the brethren, who at that time consisted of only two monks and one novice. Since then, I periodically came to this monastery to live. For various reasons, including due to my young age, in those years I was not able to fulfill my dream.
The second time I thought about monasticism was years later. For several years I chose between different monasteries - from St. Petersburg to Georgian mountain monasteries. I went there to visit and took a closer look. Finally, he chose the St. Elias Monastery of the Odessa Diocese of the Moscow Patriarchate, which he entered as a novice. By the way, we met his deputy and talked for a long time before the real meeting on one of the social networks.
Monastic life
Having crossed the threshold of the monastery with my things, I realized that my worries and doubts were behind me: I was home, now a difficult, but understandable and bright life, full of spiritual achievements, awaited me. It was quiet happiness.
The monastery is located in the very center of the city. We were free to leave the territory for a short time. It was even possible to go to the sea, but for a longer absence it was necessary to obtain permission from the governor or dean. If you need to leave the city, permission had to be in writing. The fact is that there are a lot of deceivers who put on vestments and pretend to be clergy, monks or novices, but at the same time have nothing to do with either the clergy or monasticism. These people go around cities and villages, collecting donations. Permission from the monastery was a kind of shield: just a little, without any problems, you could prove that you belonged, the real one.
In the monastery itself I had a separate cell, and for this I am grateful to the governor. Most novices and even some monks lived in twos. All amenities were on the floor. The building was always clean and tidy. This was monitored by the civilian workers of the monastery: cleaners, laundresses and other employees. All household needs were satisfied in abundance: we were well fed in the fraternal refectory, and they turned a blind eye to the fact that we also had our own food in our cells.
I felt great joy when something delicious was served in the refectory! For example, red fish, caviar, good wine. Meat products were not consumed in the common refectory, but we were not forbidden to eat them. Therefore, when I managed to buy something outside the monastery and bring it into my cell, I was also happy. Without being a priest, there were few opportunities to earn money on his own. For example, they paid, it seems, 50 hryvnia for the ringing of bells during a wedding. This was enough either to put it on the phone or to buy something tasty. More serious needs were provided at the expense of the monastery.
We got up at 5:30, with the exception of Sundays and major church holidays (on such days two or three liturgies were served, and everyone got up depending on which liturgy he wanted or was scheduled to attend or serve). At 6:00 the morning monastic prayer rule began. All the brethren had to be present, except for the sick, absent, and so on. Then at 7:00 the liturgy began, for which the serving priest, deacon and sexton on duty were required to remain. The rest are optional.
At this time, I either went to the office for obedience, or returned to the cell to sleep for a few more hours. At 9 or 10 o'clock in the morning (I don't remember exactly) there was breakfast, which it was not necessary to attend. At 1 or 2 p.m. there was lunch with the obligatory presence of all the brethren. During lunch, the lives of the saints whose memory was celebrated that day were read, and important announcements were made by the monastery authorities. At 17:00 the evening service began, after which there was dinner and the evening monastic prayer rule. The bedtime was not regulated in any way, but if the next morning one of the brethren overslept the rule, they were sent to him with a special invitation.
Once I had the opportunity to perform a funeral service for a hieromonk. He was very young. A little older than me. I didn’t even know him during my lifetime. They say he lived in our monastery, then he left somewhere and was banned. And so he died. But, naturally, the funeral service was performed as a priest. So, all our brethren read the Psalter around the clock at the tomb. My duty once happened at night. In the temple there was only a coffin with a body and me. And so on for several hours until the next one replaced me. There was no fear, although I remembered Gogol several times, yes. Was there pity? I do not even know. Neither life nor death is in our hands, so be sorry - don’t be sorry... I only hoped that he had time to repent before his death. Like each of us, we will need to be in time.
Pranks of novices
On Easter, after a long fast, I was so hungry that, without waiting for the common holiday meal, I ran across the street to McDonald's. Right in the cassock! I and everyone else had this opportunity, and no one made any comments. By the way, many, leaving the monastery, changed into civilian clothes. I never parted with my vestments. While I lived in the monastery, I simply did not have any secular clothing at all, except for jackets and pants, which had to be worn under a cassock in cold weather so as not to freeze.
In the monastery itself, one of the novices’ pastimes was fantasizing about who would be given what name when tonsured. Usually, until the last moment, only the one who tonsures and the ruling bishop know him. The novice himself only finds out about his new name under scissors, so we joked: we found the most exotic church names and called each other with them.
And punishments
For systematic lateness, they could be put on bows, in the most severe cases - on the sole (a place next to the altar) in front of the parishioners, but this was done extremely rarely and was always justified.
It happened that someone left without permission for several days. A priest did this once. They returned him with the help of the governor directly over the phone. But again, all such cases were like children's pranks in a large family. Parents can scold, but nothing more.
There was a funny incident with one worker. A laborer is a layman, a secular person who came to the monastery to work. He does not belong to the brethren of the monastery and does not have any obligations to the monastery, except for general church and civil ones (do not kill, do not steal, etc.). At any moment, the worker can leave, or, on the contrary, become a novice and follow the monastic path. So, one worker was placed at the entrance of the monastery. A friend came to the abbot and said: “What a cheap parking lot you have in the monastery!” And it’s completely free there! It turned out that this same worker took money from visitors for parking. Of course, he was severely reprimanded for this, but they did not kick him out.
Is it possible to go to a monastery from worldly problems?
People don’t go to a monastery because they have difficulties in life. Going to a monastery should not be equal to running away from everything bad and from your problems.
The only thing that should lead a person to monasticism is a pure and sincere desire to serve the Lord and his neighbors.
This is a serious decision, so you need to talk with the priest and your loved ones. You need to understand why and why this is being done, and then be confident in your decision.
That is why it is recommended that before leaving for the monastery, solve all your problems in the world, and then test yourself as a worker and novice.
The hardest thing
When I first came to visit, the abbot warned me that real life in the monastery differs from what is written in biographies and other books. Prepared me to take off my rose-colored glasses. That is, to some extent, I was warned about some negative things that could occur, but I was not prepared for everything.
As in any other organization, in the monastery, of course, there are very different people. There were also those who tried to curry favor with their superiors, became arrogant in front of the brethren, and so on. For example, one day a hieromonk who was under a ban came to us. This means that the ruling bishop, for some offense, temporarily (usually until repentance) forbade him to perform sacred functions as a punishment, but the priesthood itself was not removed. This father and I were the same age and at first we became friends and talked about spiritual topics. Once he even drew a kind caricature of me. I still keep it with me.
The closer it got to lifting the ban on him, the more I noticed that he was behaving more and more arrogantly towards me. He was appointed assistant sacristan (the sacristan is responsible for all liturgical vestments), and I was a sexton, that is, during the performance of my duties I was directly subordinate to both the sacristan and his assistant. And here, too, it became noticeable how he began to treat me differently, but the apotheosis was his demand to address him as you after the ban was lifted from him.
For me, the most difficult things not only in monastic but also in secular life are subordination and labor discipline. In the monastery it was absolutely impossible to communicate on equal terms with fathers of higher rank or position. The hand of the authorities was visible always and everywhere. This is not only and not always the governor or the dean. It could be the same sacristan and anyone who is above you in the monastic hierarchy. Whatever happened, no later than an hour later they already knew about it at the very top.
Although there were those among the brethren with whom I found a great common language, despite not only the enormous distance in the hierarchical structure, but also the significant difference in age. Once I came home on vacation and really wanted to get an appointment with the then Metropolitan of Minsk Filaret. I was thinking about my future fate and really wanted to consult with him. We met often when I took my first steps in the church, but I was not sure if he would remember me and accept me. Coincidentally, there were many venerable Minsk priests in the queue: rectors of large churches, archpriests. And then the Metropolitan comes out, points at me and calls me to his office. Ahead of all abbots and archpriests!
He listened to me carefully, then talked for a long time about his monastic experience. He talked for a very long time. When I left the office, the entire line of archpriests and abbots looked at me very askance, and one abbot, whom I knew from the old days, said to me in front of everyone: “Well, you stayed there so long that you should have left there with a panagia.” . Panagia is a badge of honor worn by bishops and above. The line laughed, there was a release of tension, but the Metropolitan’s secretary then swore very much that I had taken up the Metropolitan’s time for so long.
Tourism and emigration
Months passed, and absolutely nothing happened to me in the monastery. I very much desired tonsure, ordination and further service in the priesthood. I won’t hide it, I also had bishop’s ambitions. If at the age of 14 I longed for ascetic monasticism and complete withdrawal from the world, then when I was 27 years old, one of the main motives for entering the monastery was episcopal consecration. Even in my thoughts, I constantly imagined myself in a bishop’s position and in bishop’s vestments. One of my main obediences in the monastery was work in the office of the governor. The office processed documents for the ordination of some seminarians and other proteges (candidates for holy orders), as well as for monastic tonsure in our monastery.
Many proteges and candidates for monastic vows passed through me. Some, before my eyes, went from layman to hieromonk and received appointments to parishes. With me, as I already said, absolutely nothing happened! And in general, it seemed to me that the governor, who was also my confessor, to some extent alienated me from himself. Before entering the monastery, we were friends and communicated. When I came to the monastery as a guest, he constantly took me with him on trips. When I arrived at the same monastery with my things, at first it seemed to me that the governor had been replaced. “Don’t confuse tourism and emigration,” some colleagues joked. This is largely why I decided to leave. If I had not felt that the governor had changed his attitude towards me, or if I had at least understood the reason for such changes, perhaps I would have remained in the monastery. And so I felt unnecessary in this place.
How to support a loved one who has decided to become a monk
Those close to the person who has made such a responsible decision should study the topic of monasticism in detail and try to understand why he is leaving the world. This knowledge will help support a person.
Thanks to this, he will let go of worldly life with a calm soul and begin serving God. You can also pray and ask God to help your loved one on his way.
From scratch
I had access to the Internet, I could consult on any issues with very experienced clergy. I told everything about myself: what I want, what I don’t want, what I feel, what I’m ready for and what I’m not. Two clergymen advised me to leave.
I left with great disappointment, with resentment towards the governor. But I don’t regret anything and am very grateful to the monastery and the brethren for the experience I gained. When I left, the governor told me that he could have tonsured me as a monk five times, but something stopped him.
When I left, there was no fear. There was such a leap into the unknown, a feeling of freedom. This is what happens when you finally make a decision that seems right.
I started my life completely from scratch. When I decided to leave the monastery, I not only had no civilian clothes, but also no money. There was nothing at all except a guitar, a microphone, an amplifier and his personal library. I brought it with me from worldly life. Mostly these were church books, but there were also secular ones. I agreed to sell the first ones through the monastery shop, the second ones I took to the city book market and sold there. So I got some money. Several friends also helped - they sent me money transfers.
The abbot of the monastery gave me money for a one-way ticket (we eventually made peace with him. Vladyka is a wonderful person and a good monk. Communicating with him even once every few years is a very great joy). I had a choice of where to go: either to Moscow, or to Minsk, where I lived, studied and worked for many years, or to Tbilisi, where I was born. I chose the last option and within a few days I was on the ship that was taking me to Georgia.
Friends met me in Tbilisi. They helped me rent an apartment and start a new life. Four months later I returned to Russia, where I live permanently to this day. After long wanderings, I finally found my place here. Today I have my own small business: I am an individual entrepreneur, providing translation and interpretation services, as well as legal services. I remember monastic life with warmth.
Tags: life • interesting • monastery • novice • rules
What is monasticism
From Greek “monk” is translated as “lonely”, “hermit”. In Russian, monks are also called “monks,” which means “different,” “other.” Monasticism is a sacrament that contains renunciation.
Therefore, you can become a monk only by cutting yourself off from the outside world, renouncing everything worldly. But this requires hard work and preparation to accept a new way of life. You need to test your decision for strength, and then take your vows.
The three vows are chastity, non-covetousness and obedience. Chastity is celibacy and pacification of the desires of the flesh. Non-acquisitiveness is the renunciation of worldly goods. One must renounce one's attachments, wealth and the material world. Obedience is the absence of will before every person and God. You need to entrust your life to the Lord and submit to his will.
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