What could be more touching than a wedding ceremony? And in recent years it has also become fashionable, so a huge number of couples, in addition to registering their marriage at the registry office, go to get married “in heaven,” swearing an oath of eternal love and fidelity before God. But, unfortunately, the overwhelming number of people go for it precisely because an Orthodox wedding is a spectacular, fashionable and bewitching ceremony that will definitely impress spouses and guests. To say that this attitude towards the sacrament of marriage in church is wrong is to say nothing. The rules and preparation for a wedding in a church are no less important than the presence of sincere feelings and good intentions.
How to prepare for a church wedding
Before preparing for a wedding in the Orthodox Church, you need to think about this step three times. Taking an oath in front of people is one thing, but in front of God is completely different. People will remove the stamp from the passport, judge or not pay attention at all if the spouses consider ending the marriage, and the church will perceive this as a sin. Therefore, before preparing for the sacrament of wedding, it is necessary to make a conscious decision whether people are ready for such responsibility. The preparation itself before the wedding is not a quick process and includes several stages.
Worth it or not
This is the most common question asked to the priest. According to Orthodox teachings, the family is the stronghold that provides support for the spouse, spiritual education and development, therefore a wedding is necessary and mandatory. In addition, the priests claim that the joy of love is possible only in a married marriage. And the strength that a husband or wife receives goes into social activities. For a more specific study of the opinion of the church, you need to turn to the Holy Scriptures.
So, in order to live a happy family life, the presence of carnal love is not enough. Only after the wedding ceremony does the union of souls take place. This is evidenced by some lines from the Bible:
- The family is a small church in which the wife is under the care of the husband and the husband is subject to God;
- Appeal to the Holy Trinity during the ritual brings a blessing for family happiness;
- Children born in such a marriage are already born under divine protection, their path in life is more beneficial;
- God carefully carries the family through all adversity if Christian laws are observed, prayers are heard, and the spouses treat each other humbly and patiently.
In other words, in the face of the Lord, the union of two people is such only if they are voluntarily married. An ordinary civil marriage is not considered complete from a religious point of view.
If we move away from Scripture and turn to psychological conclusions, then if young people sincerely believe in God and cannot imagine life without each other, then church ritual only contributes to a warm family climate. Some people consider a wedding to be the basis on which they build a life, give birth to children, and enjoy living together.
However, more and more newlyweds are inclined to the idea of “holding back.” After all, the sacred sacrament calls for a certain responsibility. It is worth saying that if at least someone in the couple has such doubts, it is better to wait for the wedding. No one forbids you to come to church for a divine blessing after a few years. But going against your will is not the best decision.
And even more so, you should not turn to the priest for such a procedure according to the fashion trend. Still, this is a religious rite that must be approached with full awareness and faith.
The Church does not marry people who have not officially registered their marriage. At the same time, God does not recognize an unblessed union.
Based on what has been said, it is impossible to give a general answer to the question of whether it is worth undergoing the ceremony in a church or not. Much here is determined by faith in God, how true it is, and whether a person is ready to take an oath. After all, words-promises spoken in a sacred place sometimes mean much more than a stamp in a passport.
And those who attend church according to family traditions, or do not attend at all, are unlikely to be repelled in their lives by the presence or absence of the fact of a wedding. However, this is more of a psychological issue.
Choosing a wedding date
Choosing a wedding date is much more difficult than determining the date of marriage registration. There are many dates in the church calendar on which the sacrament of marriage is not performed, namely:
- major church holidays;
- twelve moving holidays;
- twelve permanent holidays;
- continuous weeks;
- Easter;
- multi-day Orthodox fasts;
- one-day Orthodox fasts.
The sacrament of a wedding is not considered valid if it is performed on prohibited days, and no church marries people at night.
How to choose a date
Most often, official registration does not coincide with the date of the sacred ceremony. There are a number of reasons for this, firstly, most lovers prefer to test their relationship over the years, and only later consolidate it before God. Secondly, the days when you can get married rarely coincide with the work of the registry office. For example, ceremonial painting almost always takes place on Saturday, but the Sacrament is prohibited on this day. Also, according to Orthodox rules, they are not held on Tuesdays and Thursdays, during the weeks of Easter and Maslenitsa, patronal and church festivals, during Lent, Christmastide and at night.
But favorable dates, according to the clergy themselves, are:
- the first day of Sunday after the Nativity of Christ, or in other words “Red Hill”;
- days of the Kazan and Iveron Icons of the Mother of God;
- Day of St. Nicholas the Wonderworker.
It is best to turn to the wedding calendar, which is compiled specifically for each year, based on certain dates. You can also consult with the priest about the desired date and month.
Spiritual preparation for the ceremony
Preparation includes:
- participle;
- fasting;
- confession.
Of course, this is done well in advance of the appointed wedding date. Not everyone takes preparation for such a ceremony as seriously as they should. This is especially true for young people who are not yet fully able to comprehend the essence of what they intend to do. Fasting is not just a refusal of animal food; during fasting one is purified to a greater extent spiritually. Confession also should not be done simply because it is necessary. Pure thoughts and good intentions are what a person should be guided by when approaching the Lord, because it is His blessing that is asked for the union.
In what cases can dethronement be issued?
Orthodoxy has an extremely negative attitude towards divorce . But there are cases when this cannot be avoided, and in 1918 a list of possible causes was created. Later it was expanded somewhat and today it looks like this:
- Treason;
- Entering into a new marriage;
- Refusal of the Orthodox faith;
- Disappearance of one of the spouses for a period of 3 years or more;
- Assault;
- Incurable mental or venereal diseases;
- Alcohol or drug addiction;
- Imprisonment;
- Performing an abortion without the husband's consent.
Any of the couple can submit a petition for debunking . You need to come to the temple with the following documents:
- Passport;
- Wedding certificate;
- Divorce certificate;
- All kinds of certificates confirming illness or other reasons for debunking.
No rituals are performed on this occasion; the Bishop considers the petition and, if he considers it justified, will bless the termination .
We answered the question why people get married, told us how the process works and how to prepare for it. But I would like to note that, first of all, mutual respect and understanding must live in a family. If a couple lacks these two important qualities, no blessing will help them.
How to properly prepare a bride for a wedding
The girl must remember that:
- her outfit must correspond to the location of the ceremony, namely: girls usually enter church with their heads covered, knees, shoulders and neckline covered;
- there must be a cross on the neck (as well as on everyone present);
- You can't get married while you're menstruating.
The Orthodox canons do not indicate that a couple who is getting married must be married. However, in practice, before marrying a couple, the priest will usually ask for a marriage certificate. Often people get married at a respectable age, when the number of years of marriage is already in the dozens. What do people who have been married for a long time need to know before getting married?
Wedding ceremony from a cultural point of view
The Slavic chronicles conveyed to us in detail the life of the Russian people, their habits, beliefs, focusing on significant milestones in life. Birth, wedding, and death were outlined by religious ideas, which changed over time, but their essence remained unchanged.
A wedding is a purely church ritual. It will be effective if the couple unites each other into a whole (two halves - one whole). In society, such a couple begins to be very lucky (luck, health, etc.).
Weddings among the Slavs were endowed with a magical meaning - to protect the newlyweds from damage, the evil eye and evil spirits. The wedding took a long time to prepare, clothes were specially sewn for it, hats, rings, protective dishes were chosen - all actions were aimed at ensuring that the young people lived in abundance and had healthy children.
With the introduction of Christianity in Rus', weddings did not cease to be a sacrament; on the contrary, it was believed that couples married by God would be happy and bear many offspring. A wedding has become a milestone when two people take care not only of each other, but also participate in the birth and upbringing of children, according to Christian canons. The dissolution of a marriage concluded in the church was unacceptable and was regarded as a sin.
Preparing for a wedding for married people
A wedding is a ceremony that takes place only after marriage registration, in accordance with the current legislation of the state. Therefore, it does not matter whether the wedding ceremony was held the day after the painting in the registry office or after fifteen years of marriage of the spouses.
Before the procedure in any church, the couple will first of all be asked to present a marriage certificate. Some difficulties may arise in preparing for the wedding due to the fact that unmarried people who could be witnesses may not be among the close circle. If the union did not initially receive parental blessing, then the priest has the right to refuse the wedding, but the parents may no longer be alive. And also, in order for the wedding to take place, a person should not be married more than twice.
All that remains to be added is that improper preparation for the wedding ceremony is a sign that people are not serious about this event. You can deceive the priest and guests, but not God - this is the same as deceiving yourself.
List of necessary items
- Pectoral crosses
- Rings
- Wedding candles
- Wedding icons
- Rushnik
- Shawls
- Cahors
- Marriage certificate
- Dress and shoes
Each of these attributes requires special attention, so I will tell you about each of them in detail.
Pectoral crosses - an important wedding rule is that the bride and groom must be baptized, otherwise the priest will not perform the ritual.
Rings - according to ancient traditions, the groom’s ring was gold, representing the sun, while the bride’s ring was silver, as a symbol of warmth and light in the house. In the modern world, such a tradition is no longer mandatory and you can use both the same and different rings, it all depends on your personal preferences.
Wedding candles – during the entire ceremony, the couple should have wedding candles in their hands. Throughout the entire ceremony, they should burn and not go out, thereby personifying light and warmth for your family. Therefore, you need to pay attention to thick and large candles, because on average the ritual takes 30 minutes, or even more. For convenience, there are also candle stands to prevent wax from dripping onto your hands, creating discomfort.
Wedding icons - you need to buy two icons in advance and consecrate them from the priest. Usually the couple is crowned with images of the Savior and the Virgin Mary. After the ceremony, the icons remain with the newlyweds.
Towel – at the very beginning of the ceremony, the newlyweds must stand on the towel, which symbolizes the white sky. I want to warn you that it should not be with patterns or other decorations.
Handkerchiefs – If you decide not to use candle stands, you will need small handkerchiefs to avoid burning your hands with the hot wax during the ceremony. Witnesses will also need scarves to hold their crowns during the ceremony.
Cahors - church wine, is also an integral part of the process. During the ceremony, the bride and groom take turns drinking from the cup.
Marriage Certificate – Civil laws are important to the church, so a marriage certificate must be provided before the ceremony. An exception may be if the wedding ceremony is announced the next day after the ceremony.
Dress and shoes - there are no categorical rules here, the bride can wear a secular dress at the wedding, but it must meet certain standards, for example, a deep neckline should be covered with a cape or choose a more modest outfit. Shoes can also be chosen according to your taste, but I would like to remind you that the ceremony takes place while standing and for quite a long time, so you need to choose not only beautiful, but also the most comfortable shoes.
What to do before the sacrament?
The sacraments of fasting, confession and communion are carried out.
Fast
Before the wedding, you need to spiritually cleanse yourself and tune in to the sacredness of the moment. To do this, newlyweds should fast for three days - not eat animal food (dairy products, meat, fish, eggs). It is worth giving up alcohol and, if possible, smoking.
If you have medical contraindications to such a diet or you engage in heavy physical labor, then consult your priest. Perhaps he will make some concessions. The point of fasting is not so much in food restrictions, but in shifting the focus from the carnal to the spiritual.
Important! Three days before the wedding, avoid intimate relationships and noisy entertainment events. It is better to devote this time to each other in a spiritual way, for example, by reading prayers together.
Confession
Both newlyweds must confess on the eve of the sacrament. You should not be afraid of this moment, the priest is not a strict accuser, but a mediator between you and God, helping to cleanse your soul and reconcile with yourself.
During confession, it is important to tell without concealment about everything that worries and oppresses, about not the most beautiful actions, words and even thoughts. Don't be afraid that your words will go further - this is completely out of the question. After a conversation with the priest, it will certainly become easier, and you will enter your new married life renewed and happy.
Participle
You will receive Communion on your wedding day, during the morning liturgy. It represents a spoonful of red wine and bread, which each parishioner eats from the hands of the priest.
If you have not confessed, then you have no right to receive communion. It is believed that the ceremony allows you to feel grace, and before the wedding this is quite important. Before communion, you should not eat, drink, or smoke from midnight.
Relaxations are possible, for example, for people with poor health. Those who are afraid of fainting from hunger are allowed to have a snack, but in any case the food should not be of animal origin, fatty or luxurious. It is best if it is yogurt or sweet tea.
Witnesses
First of all, these are people who help those getting married at the ceremony itself. They hold crowns over the heads of the couple, accompany them during the three-fold procession, spread a towel in front of the lectern at the feet of the newlyweds, present rings and collect the donated flowers after the completion of the Sacrament.
In most cases, spouses choose either relatives or close friends as witnesses. Those who agree to such a role become spiritual relatives, who will then no longer be able to marry each other in the future. For a couple, they are like mentors. That is why you should approach your choice with all responsibility.
It is impossible for the witnesses to be unbaptized or of a different religion, unless, of course, you want to follow all the rules.
It is not recommended to take:
- parents;
- people who live in an unregistered marriage. This is explained by the fact that the church does not welcome such unions;
- divorced people, because those who were unable to maintain their own happiness are unlikely to be advisors to anyone.
If there are no suitable candidates in your circle, then it is better to do without witnesses at the wedding. The main thing is to inform the priest who will conduct the ritual about this in advance.
The meaning of the ritual
In recent years, an increasing number of couples not only sign in the registry office, but also decide to join their destinies in the church. The profound importance of this step should be realized. Important! The clergy are loyal to unmarried families living in marriage.
The main thing is that it was officially registered, and not civilian. When, after a few years, spouses who are confident in each other come to the sacrament, this is perceived positively. So there is no need to rush into getting married. What happens during the sacrament is no less exciting than the preparation for it. To avoid forgetting important details in a hurry, start preparing in advance. It is necessary to think through every little detail: from spiritual moments (confession, fasting, repentance) to material ones - the bride’s dress, compiling a guest list, choosing a date, place, organizing a celebration after the ceremony, purchasing all the necessary attributes (Cahors, candles, towel, rings, icons).
