Parental blessing is an ancient and very useful tradition. This is a parting word from the older generation that will protect the young family throughout their lives. The blessing of the daughter before the wedding, the words of the mother at home are a sincere wish for happiness and love in married life. Despite decades of militant atheism, folk traditions have kept ancient rituals intact. And now we have the opportunity to use ancient wisdom to find happiness and success in life.
In the article I will tell you how the ceremony of parental blessing takes place, when it is performed, and what nuances there are. My cousin was recently married off; when organizing the wedding, we tried to take into account all the Orthodox traditions of our people.
Tradition to bless
There is an ancient tradition of asking parents for blessings before making an important life decision or action. For example, previously not a single wedding took place without the solemn blessing of the newlyweds by their parents. In the modern world, many folk traditions have been lost. However, the ritual of receiving parental blessing has been preserved. Many believe that blessing their daughter and son before the wedding will play a positive role in their budding family life.
Daughter's blessing
“Parental blessing has great meaning and great power. Practical experience shows that disobedience to parents leads to many troubles. Therefore, we can conclude that obedience to parents is the fulfillment of God’s commandments. Obedience leads to good. And the person who listens to his parents is often happy” (priest Philip Ilyashenko).
What is a blessing and how does it affect the fate of people?
Carrying out the ceremony
What should the bride's parents do on that happy day when their beloved daughter gets married? After all, preparing for a wedding is not everything; the most important moments occur during the wedding, walks and banquets. Therefore, parents should increase their attention to detail on this day.
Morning of the wedding
You need to start in the morning. It is necessary to provide a small light breakfast for the daughter, bridesmaids and guests who arrived at the ceremony before everyone else.
When a girl gets married, on this important and happy day it is advisable to follow a certain diet. In accordance with her principles, breakfast should be low-calorie and more like a light snack, because the bride does not need heaviness in her stomach until the evening.
In addition to breakfast, the bride's parents should also worry about the buffet table during the day. This does not mean that mom should spend half the night in the kitchen; it is enough to arrange delivery of ready-made dishes in the same restaurant or cafe where the evening banquet is organized.
For a girl, the morning on her wedding day is always filled with experiences associated with various little things. Parents should understand that their daughter, when getting married, is very worried and needs additional support. It is important to reassure her and make it clear that everything will go in the best possible way and nothing can overshadow such a responsible and very important day in her life.
Traditionally, it is the mother who helps her daughter put on her wedding dress, put on her shoes and get ready. In most cases, creating a festive hairstyle and delicate makeup is entrusted to specialists. Professional craftsmen make life much easier and keep both mother and daughter calm. When getting married, every girl strives to look perfect, and it is the help of a stylist that plays the most important role in this.
Meeting with guests
The next step is meeting the groom and his guests. If a ransom takes place, then the father actively participates in it, defending his daughter, and the mother waits in the room with the bride for the future husband to convince everyone that he is worthy for the girl to marry him.
It is the parents who monitor what food and drinks the newlyweds take with them for a walk. You need to make sure that there is enough for everyone, but there is no excess alcohol, otherwise some guests risk not remembering most of the holiday. Snacks should be packed in containers that will not open in the car during the trip.
The bride's parents prepare rice, rose petals or small coins, which will be showered on the newlyweds after the wedding ceremony at the registry office.
After the painting, when the bride and groom, together with their close friends, go for a traditional walk, their parents go to the banquet place. There they must check whether everything is ready for the celebration, how the tables are set, the room is decorated, and whether the host has arrived.
They greet the guests who are gradually arriving and engage them in interesting conversation over a glass of champagne. It is also important to ensure that the wedding cake is delivered on time, because without this element no wedding can be considered complete.
Then the newlyweds are met and congratulated, with bread and salt on a traditional embroidered towel. Recently, many have abandoned such traditions, then it is enough to simply say congratulations and lead the newlyweds to the table.
During the celebration, the bride's mother monitors the safety of the gifts. This way it is calm for both her and her daughter. She also looks after the guests so that no one gets bored. If one of your relatives or friends has had too much alcohol, the new mother-in-law will be the first to notice.
When the holiday comes to an end, the parents send home first the newlyweds, and then all the guests. They also make sure that no one leaves their belongings in the room.
Blessing in Christianity
In Russian, the word “blessing” consists of two words - “good” and “word”. It turns out that this is a “good word”. With the help of a blessing, God's grace is invoked. Christianity understands grace as divine energy, a special gift from above that helps us live and create in accordance with the will of God. Saying a blessing over a person is a prayer request to provide the person asking for spiritual help.
Sometimes the blessing of a daughter may be accompanied by some ritual actions (shading with a cross or an icon). Saying a blessing is a vocal call for God's grace and help. Anyone who asks for blessings from the Lord testifies to his humility, trust and hope for God’s help, which he vitally needs.
“In the language of Holy Scripture, this term has the meaning of sanctification and beneficence and is often transferred to the very gifts received by a person from above, to the external manifestation of God’s mercy towards people. Being from God the granting of certain benefits to man, in the latter’s mouth it becomes an invocation of God’s mercy on the one who is blessed, as well as the glorification and praise of God” (theologian Alexander Pavlovich Lopukhin, 1852-1904).
Examples of the influence of blessings
The power of parental blessing has been known since Old Testament times. The Holy Scriptures testify to changes in the lives of people who received the blessing.
For example, Noah's blessing given to his sons Japheth and Shem:
“May God enlarge Japheth, and may he dwell in the tents of Shem” (Genesis 9:27).
The descendants of Japheth are considered to be Europeans (Greeks, Scythians, Thracians), and his brother Shem is considered to be Jews, Persians, Syrians, Chaldeans. Modernity shows that the heirs of Japheth have become “world people” and have prayerful communication with the True God. The blessing also acted as a prophetic prediction.
Scripture also talks about Jacob, the future founder of the Israeli people, receiving a blessing. Jacob was the second son of the forefather Isaac. At that time, only the first-born could claim parental blessing. It gave special rights and advantages over brothers. This is dedication to the service of the Lord (Exodus 22:29), the right to receive a double share of the father's property (Deuteronomy 21:17), and in the royal family - the right to inherit the throne (Second Chronicles 21:3).
Isaac was to give his firstborn the blessing to lead God's chosen people, to become a spiritual leader. However, Jacob, with the help of cunning, obtained from his father a blessing intended for his first-born brother. He put on his brother's clothes and wrapped his hands in the skin of a goat. Thanks to this, the almost blind father mistook him for his eldest son. When Esau, Isaac's firstborn, returned from hunting, Jacob's deception was revealed. However, the father did not take back his blessing words. That is, blessing does not refer to ordinary words, it is a kind of sacred action. And not at all words, having uttered which you can easily refuse them and address them to someone else.
Blessing in Old Testament and New Testament times
After God established the priesthood among the Israelites through the prophet Moses, the priests were entrusted with the responsibility of pronouncing a blessing over the people. In Christianity, priests are also given the right to perform blessings. This happens during church services, when the priest pronounces a blessing prayer to the believers with the sign of the cross. Each Christian can also personally ask the priest for a blessing on any specific occasion.
Blessings can be given not only by the priest, but also by lay, ordinary people. For example, parents to their children.
“Man is a generic being. As a person he belongs to God, and as an individual he belongs to the family and clan. A person’s entire life passes inextricably within the clan, family, and is connected with the life of the family. Family is not only blood ties, but also the love of all relatives and their prayers. But who prays most for us? Aren't we our mothers and fathers? It is their prayers and love that we ask for blessings before marriage... The blessing of parents is a sign of connection and the very connection of generations, there is ancestral life. This is a sign of belonging to the family of one’s ancestors” (priest Andrei Lorgus).
Let's sum it up
Family and friends are the most precious thing we have. When peace and love reign in a family, everyone is happy. Peace and joy reign in our souls. Sometimes trials come into our lives, and we often don’t know how to help our loved ones. We try to do this with money, with some real deeds, but we often forget that there is a prayer that can move mountains if pronounced with faith and trust in the mercy of God. Therefore, giving an icon for a name day is the best care for loved ones and dear people.
One of the best gifts for a loved one - your mother - will be an Orthodox icon. Which icon to give to your mother can be determined by taking into account the age and the holiday in honor of which the holiday icon is given. If a birthday is being celebrated, then it would be appropriate to give your mother an icon with the face of a saint with her name.
A personalized icon presented to mom is the best gift. A personalized icon embodies an image addressed to a specific person and meeting the needs of his soul. You can read more about the personalized icon.
An icon presented to mom is not just a gift. This is a spiritual gift that has sacred meaning for loved ones. A mother prays not only for herself, but also for her children. Therefore, her prayer in front of the icon donated by her child has power. First of all, you should present your mother with an icon of the Mother of God as a gift.
There are many iconographic images of the Mother of God, and each of the revered icons is associated with historical legends and miracles. In different life circumstances, people turn to different hypostases of the Lady of Heaven. One of the most revered icons of the Russian Church is considered to be: the Vladimir and Kazan icons.
The Vladimir Icon, this icon belongs to the Eleus icons - “Tenderness”, it reflects all the symbolism of the tender feelings that the Mother experiences for the Child. This image is prayerfully addressed in any difficulty, in danger, fear, doubt and conflicts that seem insoluble.
The Kazan Icon of the Mother of God is the intercessor of our people, therefore, in all difficult life situations, in all sorrows, adversities, sorrows, it is customary to turn prayers to her first of all. It is this icon that is used to bless marriage, and it is this icon that is placed at the cradle of the child.
Giving an icon to your mother with the image of the Mother of God as a protector and intercessor in all her affairs and desires would be appropriate to celebrate any occasion: a wedding anniversary, an anniversary, a housewarming. If you want to give your mother an icon depicting an Orthodox holiday, then it is better to give an icon of the holiday that is closer in chronology
Daughter's blessing
When creating a family, parental blessing is of great importance. This is a kind of approval (coordination) of the choice of a daughter or son. It contains a wish for goodness, strong love and mutual understanding between the young. The blessing of a daughter is the words of wise parting words from elders at the start of married life.
“Parental blessing is the greatest legacy that parents leave to their children. Therefore, children should take care to get it. Look what lengths Jacob went to in order to receive his father's blessing? To the point that he even got into sheep's clothing! A mother’s blessing is an especially great thing!” (Reverend Paisiy Svyatogorets, 1924-1994).
Wedding speech from father of the bride
The wedding ceremony is an exciting day for more than one bride. The parents also accept congratulations on the wedding of their dear daughter. They are greatly worried when they release their chick from the nest into adulthood, full of shocks, stormy seas and where no one can lay straw over the hole where the girl and her husband can fall.
It's no secret that the lady's cool, calm-looking father is no less nervous than his electrifying, exciting dove. Representatives of the fair sex will certainly shed tears, being touched. The wedding day, marked in the calendar with a scarlet, blue-crimson, even somewhat bloody, color, is associated with a moment: his little girl emerges from under her father’s wing, intending to create a new unit of society.
Wedding congratulations from the bridesmaids
In order for the father's parting speech of blessing and congratulations to remain in the memory of the daughter, her husband, and guests for a long time, it must be thoroughly thought out in advance, otherwise the excitement that comes up like a lump in the throat can interfere with the crucial moment. It wouldn’t hurt to think through the facial expressions that accompany speech.
Blessing a daughter: how it affects life
The meaning of a parental blessing for marriage is to invoke Divine grace into the family. However, it is a misconception to consider the blessing a magical amulet for the family, protecting it from strife, troubles and disintegration. Having a blessing is, of course, desirable and important. It acts as a spiritual aid for building a new family, when parents with good wishes send their children away from them. But the newlyweds’ own efforts always come first. A family on its own will not become happy and will not survive.
“How is a strong family created? Let's imagine how people build their own house. Both husband, wife, and children want it to be light, warm, and cozy. And everyone strives to make their own contribution to the common cause. The one who is stronger lays the bricks, the one who is weaker and younger improves the territory. When building a house, there is a job for everyone: some are more difficult, some are easier. So it is in building a family. Each member must contribute to the common cause, to building common happiness and family well-being” (priest Andrei Ovchinnikov).
Words of blessing
What should the mother of the bride say when blessing her for family life? There is no clear script or official text for this ceremony. It is believed that a mother should pronounce all words with her maternal heart.
Sample plan for a parting text:
- wishes for peace, mutual understanding, respect for each other;
- instructions to the bride how she should treat her elders - mother-in-law, father-in-law;
- advice on how to overcome life’s difficulties without breaking up;
- prayer.
Of course, the mother of the bride should prepare her speech in advance so as not to get confused from excitement. The prayer can be read from a book or recording; it does not have to be learned by heart. The blessing can be divided into two parts:
- the most important words a mother will say to her daughter in private;
- The official part of the blessing with the icon can be recorded on video so that this moment will be preserved in memory for a long time.
Parting words during transitional periods of the life cycle carry a very important semantic load and become sacred. Transitional periods in a person’s life are a kind of point of no return, initiation. These include the birth of a person into this world (the transition from non-existence to existence), initiation into first grade, graduation from school, marriage, birth of children, death. All of these major milestones along the path of life are marked by special initiation rituals.
A mother’s blessing for her daughter’s wedding, the words: “My daughter, I bless you for a long happy life, prosperity, family happiness. Be healthy and loved. Amen".
However, the mother of the bride should not forget about the groom; she should bless him too. Now he and his daughter are one whole, a single social organism. We must not forget about this.
There is another tradition: newlyweds must listen to the parting words of their parents while kneeling. However, this tradition has lost its meaning in modern times. Today, newlyweds listen to the parental blessing while standing on an embroidered towel (there should be two of them - one for the icon, the second for the newlyweds). After the words of blessing, the newlyweds bow to their parents at the waist.
If one of the newlyweds does not have a mother, her godmother replaces her. A godmother can bless her godchildren in the same way as her own.
After the mother's speech, the bride's father takes the floor. He, too, can, in his own words, wish the newlyweds happiness, love, mutual understanding, health and many years of happy married life.
Avoid an overly sentimental parting word, as this may cause the bride to have tears in her eyes and her makeup to run. This is completely unnecessary. You can cry before the wedding, but on the big day itself, tears will become an unnecessary hindrance.
Blessing before the wedding
How to bless your daughter correctly? At what point? Which icon should I bless my daughter before the wedding?
The tradition of blessing the newlyweds before the wedding does not have a strictly fixed ritual. In Rus', young people were always blessed before the Sacrament of Wedding in the following way. The groom and his parents come to the bride's house. He asks her parents for their daughter's hand in marriage. After receiving consent, the newlyweds are blessed with icons of the Lord and the Mother of God. The bride and groom cross themselves and kiss the holy images, which become their family shrine.
The young people also received blessings from their godparents. Nowadays, this part of the ritual almost never occurs.
Modern society has made adjustments to the marriage process. Nowadays, young people often receive their parental blessing after registering with the registry office and getting married. Their parents greet them with icons and a wedding loaf before entering the banquet hall.
It should be noted that it does not matter which icon the parents will use to bless the bride and groom. Previously, these were often family icons of the Savior and the Most Holy Theotokos, passed down from generation to generation. If you don’t have such a shrine at home, you can buy any icon you like in the church shop of an Orthodox church. Here the spiritual aspect comes first: the new family is entrusted to God’s protection and intercession of the Mother of God.
“By presenting icons, parents express the lofty thought that now that the time of raising children is over for them, they with faith and hope entrust them to the all-powerful intercession of the Lord and Mother of God” (hieromonk Job Gumerov).
Revival of an ancient tradition
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The generation of atheists, which our grandparents raised unwillingly, refused to believe in any signs. It was believed that “grandmother’s superstitions” were not needed by young and ambitious people. Perhaps they were right in some ways. But life still makes its own adjustments to people’s ambitious plans: there have never been so many divorced couples in the history of Russia. Previously, marriages were strong, families were friendly, family members were healthy. In our time of innovative technologies and industrial paradise, families fall apart, children often get sick, people's psyches are spoiled by permissiveness and lack of moral standards.
Parental blessing is not empty or beautiful words; behind it lies the powerful energetic protection of many generations of relatives. This is the most powerful amulet of all that can be. In the old days, no one risked entering into marriage without parental blessing. Such marriages were considered doomed to destruction. Is this why after the revolution, when ancient traditions were abolished, marriages became fragile? At the beginning of the 21st century, the institution of marriage has undergone dramatic changes, and now no one is surprised by the cohabitation of men and women without registration with the registry office. But even after official registration, not all couples maintain their marital relationship and separate.
The Church is making every effort to revive the institution of marriage on the territory of modern Russia and is conducting educational ascetic work. Wedding ceremonies in the cathedral become the norm, and parental blessing takes on its former meaning and becomes necessary for those getting married.
Blessing a daughter: folk superstitions
Performing a blessing on children is shrouded in superstitions, the strict fulfillment of which supposedly affects the future fate of the newlyweds.
It is believed that while receiving parental blessings, newlyweds should stand on a special carpet laid out - the “carpet of well-being.” Many believe that whoever of the newlyweds steps on it first will dominate the house. However, from a Christian point of view this makes absolutely no difference.
“The head of every man is Christ, the head of a woman is her husband, and the head of Christ is God” (First Epistle of the Apostle Paul to the Corinthians, 11:3).
The people have developed a ritual of transferring fire (a symbol of the family hearth) to a new family at the moment of blessing the newlyweds. The mothers of the bride and groom light the newlyweds' candle from their lit candles. At the same time, parents say words of blessing and wishes to preserve family warmth throughout their lives. This is just a beautiful ritual that does not in any way affect the relationship between spouses. It depends only on them whether they can carry a spark of love through their entire life.
“The family in the Christian understanding is a union of a man and a woman, based not simply on mutual attraction, passion or common interests, but on the desire to live together and be a “domestic church” (Col 4:15). To create a truly Christian family, family ties alone are not enough. The family is called to become a “small church,” a living icon of eternal love, in which the commandments of God are preserved and passed on from generation to generation” (Metropolitan Hilarion of Volokolamsk).
Parental home - the beginning of life
The little girl who slept on her daddy's lap with a teddy bear in her arms has grown up. Today she stands at the altar in a wedding dress, shimmering under the restrained rays of the sun. In the life of every father there comes a moment that he, without showing it, is afraid of: from now on, his own blood will go to someone else’s house, being a bride, then being a wife, and then becoming the mother of her own family.
Despite this, the father, of course, is happy with all his heart for his girl, because she is truly happy with a man behind whom she will be like behind a stone wall. He will give a blessing before the wedding day, even being confident that only the father can take the best care of his baby.
Beloved and loving dad, for the entire six months that remains until the wedding day, prepares a speech and congratulations, rehearsing, nervously, coming up with new metaphors, comparisons, epithets that are perfectly suitable for his daughter. The moment of parting has arrived.
The father's blessing and congratulations truly mean a lot to the bride. When choosing her future husband, giving him preference over other boys, boys, men, and young men, the young lady was guided by the image of her own father, who had been an example all her life. It might be important for her that her father agrees with the chosen one, the one to whom the “little father” is going to give his heart.
Obviously, in the afternoon, when the groom asked for the hand and heart of his beloved, a joint dinner was celebrated: the parents of both parties and children were present during the solemn hour. The father of the bride should not show his fears about his son-in-law “without five minutes”, because two pairs of eyes are looking at him with trepidation. Receiving a blessing is also essential for a young man applying for the role of a girl’s husband.
Wedding congratulations in your own words from parents
This wonderful evening suggests that both parties “will be satisfied.” To get rid of the unnecessary tension that will one way or another reign before the wedding, it is necessary for the moment of blessing and congratulations to pass without a hitch.
Life stories about the power of parental blessing
The Monk Paisius the Svyatogorets spoke about the meaning and value of parental blessing.
“A Greek from Johannesburg came to see me. Do you know what impression he made on me? He came to my kaliva in the fall. “Geronda,” he said, “my mother fell ill, and I came to see her.” Before three months had passed, he came again for Christmas. “Have you come again?” I asked. “Yes,” he replied. “I found out that my mother was unwell again and came to kiss her hand. She is already old and may die. For me, the greatest wealth is the blessing of my mother.”
A 60-year-old man is traveling from Johannesburg to Greece to kiss his mother's hand! And now God has blessed this man with such funds that he wants to build a large nursing home for clergy and donate it to the Church. That is, he, one might say, is overwhelmed with blessings and does not know where to put them! Such a soul is like a balm to me. It’s like walking through the Sahara Desert and suddenly finding some water.”
