Orthodoxy
According to the Orthodox faith, a person who does not know the Lord lives in sin. Fornication is one of the gravest violations of God's law. According to the Biblical legend, dishes are a close relationship between two people who are not married.
The love triangle has been familiar to humanity since ancient times, and all responsibility for what happens in it lies with the female gender.
The beginning of the Bible tells us that God created woman and brought her to man. Adam called her his wife. God took care of Eve and gave her a husband, Adam, and a magnificent garden for them to tend together. But in our world, girls lack knowledge of the word of God and the commandments, which leads to sin.
The Bible directly says that a person who has committed adultery has no place in Paradise, that is, the path there is closed. Of course, if you sincerely repent of what you have done and continue to live according to the precepts of Holy Scripture, then you can atone for any sin, as was the case, for example, with St. Theodora.
To have or not to have lovers?
To have or not to have lovers?
Hello, dear visitors of the Orthodox island “Family and Faith”!
Today, in the section Questions for a priest, we decided to touch upon a very difficult topic, which is not customary to talk about in public among believers: Is it possible to have lovers? Wouldn't this be dangerous for the state of our immortal soul? Why doesn't God allow you to have lovers? What does the Holy Scripture call violation of marital fidelity and what does it threateningly warn about?
Archpriest Alexander Lebedev answers these questions:
“The question is somewhat ambiguous. If we perceive it in the sense of the possibility of the fact itself, then yes. Such a situation where someone has a marital relationship with someone other than his or her spouse is possible. That is, in this sense, it is possible to have a lover. Just like you can lie on the rails, swim in the sea with a stone on your neck, drink potassium cyanide for breakfast. The only problem is how it will all end, isn't it?
Therefore, if we perceive the question in the sense of the permissibility of this phenomenon, then no. God does not allow this for a completely reasonable reason: it will end badly. Just as bad as lying on the tracks, swimming in the sea with a stone around your neck, and drinking potassium cyanide for breakfast.
The Holy Scripture calls violation of marital fidelity adultery, and warns: “Do not be deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers... will inherit the kingdom of God” (1 Cor. 6:9-10). So the question is: “To have or not to have lovers?” – this is not a question from the realm of “would I like it or not?”, “like it or not”, “fashionable or not fashionable”. In fact, this is a matter of life and death, moreover, Eternal Life and Eternal Death.
Unfortunately, now this phenomenon - relationships outside of marriage - is treated almost as a norm. This is due to laziness of the mind; we simply don’t give ourselves the trouble to think.
Let's get a look. Double consciousness is called in medicine – schizophrenia, and is a disease. If it is not treated, if it is not indulged, then the person, as a person, will fall apart and be destroyed. The same thing happens in marital relationships. Duplication, and even more so, disorder, discord, and so on in this area, can be confidently called sexual schizophrenia.
If this is indulged, then a person will turn into a spiritual ruin. This, by the way, is very clearly noted in the Russian language. Let us listen: debauchery is a ruined, broken state of the human soul; corruption - a person’s soul undergoes decay, that is, it rots and decomposes.
That’s why, if we want to remain integral individuals, we must maintain chastity, that is, fidelity to our spouse in marriage, and not even allow thoughts about a lover (or lovers).
What are the consequences of living in sin?
Nowadays, love in most cases is only passionate sex, and not a spiritual connection between two people, as described in the Bible. A person follows the lead of biological needs, replacing with them the deepest and purest thoughts. Since they have a brighter color, it seems that these feelings are the meaning of life. But is it? Relationships with a family man are unacceptable for a believer, since they enslave and make one dependent on lust, which destroys not only the cheater, but also the one who agreed to it.
If you receive an offer for sex from a family guy, be sure to refuse. This will keep her soul healthy. She must understand that this affair will ruin her life first of all.
A passion that agrees to intimacy with someone’s husband not only sins itself, but also provokes the family man again and again. Perhaps it was only a temporary clouding of the mind of someone else’s spouse. After some time, he will regret his thoughts, and will be very grateful that you refused.
Otherwise, because of the homewrecker, the family collapses, where not only the spouse, but also the children suffer from infidelity. And everything happens because the girl could not refuse the offer, even a tempting one.
The mistress ruins not only her chosen one, but also herself, because she becomes dependent on her lover. After all, it happens quite often that women become pregnant from such a vicious relationship. Understanding that the child is unwanted, the result is an abortion, which is also a great sin and not only in Orthodoxy.
But if, despite everything, the baby is born, then the newly baked mother realizes that the biological father does not need him. As a result, the girl will be left alone with a baby in her arms and without a husband or means of livelihood. With the advent of the baby, the passion fades away, the newly-minted mother is absorbed by the problems and difficulties that she has to deal with herself. She becomes unhappy, and at the beginning of everything there was the impossibility of refusing.
Is it a sin to love a married person??? After all, you can’t command your heart...
Answer: Alexander Lutsiv
Peace be with you, Svetlana. You wrote: “I love a married man. We met, lived together. He promised to divorce, but in the end he left me. I still love him. I know that this is a great sin. What to do??? Is it a sin to love a married person??? After all, you can’t command your heart”...
Yes, this is a sin. Thou shalt not commit adultery... (Exodus 20:14) is written in the Bible.
What is adultery? How did the Founder of Christianity, Jesus Christ, treat him? “You have heard that it was said to the ancients: You shall not commit adultery. But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. (Matt. 5:27,28)” This is precise and specific to the sin of God himself.
But how does Christ relate to adulterers themselves?
“And in the morning he came again to the temple, and all the people came to Him.
He sat down and taught them. Then the scribes and Pharisees brought to Him a woman taken in adultery, and, placing her in the middle,
they said to Him: Teacher! this woman was taken in adultery;
and Moses commanded us in the law to stone such people: What do you say?
They said this, tempting Him, in order to find something to accuse Him of. But Jesus, bending low, wrote with his finger on the ground, not paying attention to them.
When they continued to ask Him, He bowed down and said to them: He who is without sin among you, be the first to throw a stone at her.
And again, bending low, he wrote on the ground.
They, having heard this and being convicted by their conscience, began to leave one by one, starting from the eldest to the last;
and only Jesus remained and the woman standing in the middle. Jesus, standing up and not seeing anyone but the woman, said to her: woman! where are your accusers? no one judged you?
She answered: no one, Lord. Jesus said to her, “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.
(John 8:2-11)
Is there any injustice here? NO! God condemns the sin of adultery but forgives the person who committed it if he repents and does not repeat the sin again.
But what about love after all? Remembering the two commandments of Christ: “ The second is similar to it: love your neighbor as yourself;
(Matthew 22:39)” and what then...
I’ll tell you that it takes a lot of time, willpower and prayer, and God will help you turn your carnal sinful love into love for your neighbor. Believe me, few people love you all their life and until their death, especially if the person has not betrayed you. And here. There is no point in loving someone who betrayed you. He doesn't deserve it. Cruel? No! Fair. Pray and ask God and He will help you!
Blessings!
Options for the development of events
Sooner or later, the passion between lovers ends. This fact has been proven by many scientists, from biologists to psychologists, if there is nothing more than sex between a couple. And even if everything was perfect at the very beginning, it will come back to haunt you after a while.
Not many libertines are concerned about the issue of spirituality. But this is in vain! A relationship with a married man seems insignificant. So a year, two, three passes and wrinkles appear on the face, the skin becomes less elastic. There comes a belated realization that life passes, but there is no loving spouse, no children, and sometimes no job. And meetings with your loved one occur less and less often.
There is a certain group of female representatives who play the secondary role of passion throughout their lives. She is never proposed for marriage and no one truly loves her. Therefore, we have to rejoice in the fact that we are at least still perceived as a body for carnal pleasures. But there is no point in rejoicing here, since over time her lover can easily be replaced by another, younger one.
In psychology there is even a term “mistress syndrome”. A person who agrees to have sex gives the attitude that she is ready to always be second in life, that is, to play a secondary role.
Unfree boyfriends in most cases perceive an extramarital affair as a temporary phenomenon. A representative of the fairer sex on the side is never assigned the role of wife. She is just a “girl for the night” whom you can turn to to satisfy your desires. Lovers who have intrigues on the side never leave their wives.
There is always one legal spouse, but there can be many mistresses.
It happens that a woman meets with a married man, achieves her goal and becomes his new wife, but after some time she realizes that her lover has someone else on his side. And as a result, she finds herself in the role of an already deceived wife. Or disappointment will come, since it turns out that the chosen one was ideal only as a lover, but not as a husband.
What fate awaits the girl who meets with the ringed guy is unknown. But nothing good will most likely come of this.
Requests for help Write your story I committed a huge sin - I started dating a married man. Now I’m tearing my hair out and don’t understand how this happened, how I allowed all this to happen... He was my first love in my youth, and 14 years later he accidentally found me on a social network that is so popular now. At that time, I broke up with my common-law husband, with whom we had lived for 8 years and with whom we still have friendly relations. We had a huge age difference and this prevented us from being together. I perceived him as a father, as an older brother, as a relative... But not as a husband... Now I probably regret our breakup - apparently, I was not yet mature for a higher relationship at that time. He always helped me in word and deed, protected me, did everything for me. But I was probably too selfish and didn’t notice much. Now, unfortunately, it’s too late - he has a different life, another woman, and I don’t dare disturb his peace and his happiness. It’s too late and nothing can be returned back... And so I began to correspond with my first love, but at that time it was a purely friendly, friendly relationship, I did not hope for any continuation. This went on for 2 weeks and he suggested meeting. I knew that he got married a very long time ago under pressure from his mother, then everyone discussed it among our friends. And at the meeting, when I asked him about this, he said that everything was bad with them, there was no love, there were still no children and he was planning to break up with her. And we started dating - we spent all weekends together, met several times a week. Then he went on vacation and invited me with him, but I refused because... I believed that it was impossible to start an intimate relationship so quickly, even though we were not 16 years old. He constantly wrote me letters, text messages, and called me. I didn’t think that I could be so greedy for all these romantic things... I fell in love. And 2 months after we had already started a closer relationship, and he made no attempts to separate from his wife, I felt something and an insight came to me, sometimes I have a strong intuition. I challenged him to a serious conversation, and pointing my finger at the sky, asked if his wife was pregnant... He was dumbfounded, but the answer was positive. I was shocked and decided to end all relationships. But he begged, cried, wrote long letters - what should he do now... After all, his wife deceived him, said that she was taking birth control pills. But he cannot leave her in this position, because... he is too decent and noble. Now I understand that there was nonsense and lies from beginning to end. I won’t go into details, but our relationship continued - we went on vacation together, spent the whole weekend, constantly called and texted each other throughout the day. I fell ill with him, became dependent... Then he said that he would create all the conditions for his born daughter and wife and cut this Gordian knot. He bought an apartment not far from my house. We did renovations together, made plans for the future... He constantly hypnotized me with words about how he wants more children, how he wants love and an ideal family, how he sees me “with a tummy” and what our future son will look like. Almost 2 years have passed since our meeting, and nothing has changed dramatically. He lives either at home, sometimes with his parents, or in a new apartment. His wife is either satisfied with this state of affairs, or is indifferent to her, but it is not clear why she did not react to his constant absence for days, nights and all weekends. Having taken a step forward, he immediately took 2 steps back. I was no longer aware of the reality that existed around me, difficulties began at work, I began to communicate less with friends and family. I started taking sedatives, and I started having constant breakdowns. I told him that he needs to return to his family, since he still can’t decide, it means that he still needs to live there and take care of the child. But it seems that he didn’t need anyone - neither the child, nor his wife, nor me... When the child got very sick and his wife “called” him out of town on the weekend, he began to grumble that his leisure time had been ruined and was still wondering whether to go or not . I sent him home unconditionally then. Over the past three months, I tried to constantly push him away from me, not to communicate, but he appeared and everything started all over again. I tried to meet someone, but no man was interesting to me and I couldn’t start a relationship. I lived in “unreality”, in dreams that he constantly drew for me and as if he himself believed in it. And he said that it’s just another week, another week. Once the renovations are finished, the furniture will be bought and we will live together. But nothing happened. Everything is as it was, as it was... They just started coming to this apartment periodically for the weekend. And still swear, constantly swear... Today I said that’s it, we need to put an end to it and that he should be where he should be. But, as usual, he dodged responsibility and replied that if I decided so, it does not mean that there is no love, and that he will sort everything out and call me after some time (but he will not promise exactly how long, I still I still won’t believe it) for us to start another relationship... I don’t know what to do - again it’s a limbo. I hate myself for allowing all this, for causing so much pain to his wife and child, for torturing myself so much. I want to move around the apartment like a wounded animal, I can’t find a place for myself. I have terrible dreams and wake up crying. Lord, how I want him to leave me alone, so that he can return to his family and never see him again. But subconsciously I still expect a call from him. He is very cunning, secretive, insidious, slippery. In the last year, I even began to have thoughts that I don’t want to live, I want to fall asleep and not wake up, so that my soul would not be tormented by this duality. But I am stopped by common sense and thoughts of how painful it will be for my parents, my beloved brother and close people who support and love me. I know that this is weakness and selfish indulgence. Another terrible remorse for what I did with my life and the lives of other people. How could this happen... I don’t know what to do. I take sleeping pills, they dull my senses, I want to go to work, I communicate. But I still only think about him. Lord, when will this all end, and how can I find the strength to survive all this... I want to lie down and die. I don't know what to do next in my life.
Sveta, age: 30 / 09/14/2009
Responses:
Sveta, your beloved is a skilled manipulator. He doesn't love anyone, not his wife, not his child, not you, not himself. Run away from him without a second thought. The website www.perejit.ru will be useful to you, as well as the forum www.nelubit.ru
Homeless from Rublyovka:), age: 26 / 09.15.2009
Svetlanka, our light, do not despair! What you told is a standard story. This “yours or someone else’s” man is irresponsible. He still wants romance, freedom. Why such people get married is unclear. He cannot create happiness even if he leaves his wife and child. He can promise you a lot of good and wonderful things for your future, but...he is not the same. Sorry! Don’t drive yourself into illness because of him, but come up, get sober, and you’ll meet your other half. Now it may be painful for you to listen to this, but for sure you need to leave him. Remember, you can’t build happiness on someone else’s misfortune. Svetlanushka, we all support you! You will please God if you leave the prodigal man. Get well from all of this! AE
AE, age: 47 / 09/15/2009
Any despair is from the devil. Repentance is a good feeling. But the devil drives us into despair. Now the most terrible sin is despair. Why? Because despair leads to darkness and does not allow you to move on. This means that despair is now harming you, and everything that harms us is called sin. Thus, the dark force manipulates you, adding dark dreams, heaviness in your heart and sprinkling everything with the desire to “feel nothing.” So, the devil makes you want to “lie down.” and do nothing, end your life.” And then he will achieve his goal. And you yourself know perfectly well that the devil is doing this, your soul feels it. You write: “he is very cunning, secretive, insidious, slippery.” Quite right, this is the man who manipulates both your completely confused lover and you. He is gradually and consistently leading both of you to death. What to do in this situation? You need to remember that there is a way to get rid of your torment of conscience, which is the most important thing for you now. namely, you need to confess and receive communion in an Orthodox church. For example, I managed to get rid of health problems and psychological problems in this way. Now I take communion and confess every three weeks. And in the beginning, when I was still in a critical situation, I went to confession and received communion every two weeks. And...my health has been restored without any medications, my heart is easy, and if sometimes I feel like my heart is squeezing, then for me this is an emergency and not a constant feeling. In addition, you need to distract your brain from constant worries, and for this you need to occupy your brain with something, for example, looking for a new job. And give the lover a turn away. There is no point in getting involved with him if this “very cunning, secretive, insidious, slippery” devil acts on you through him.
Gelchik, age: 18/09/16/2009
Dear namesake! Please don't despair! Well, think about what happened??? You're alive right? Are you physically healthy? Do you have parents and a brother? And other people who support and love? Listen, but this is already a great happiness!!! And this is a person... leave him, forget him - he has his own life, you need to understand this. And you also have the right to yours. I understand that it is difficult, impossible, I know what dependence on a person is. Very painful! But it passes, believe me, this too passes! And you remain... And you still have ONE life. YOURS, understand? Take care of her, please. And say thank you to him, personally or mentally, thank him sincerely for all the good things - and say goodbye. And then start another life - and it will definitely be no worse than that one. And even better. Good luck and happiness to you!
Steffi, age: 35 / 09/18/2009
Try to take control of the situation. Ban your meetings and calls for at least 6 months. See what happens then. In my opinion, this is the only way to sort out your relationship and do you need a person who is not allowed?
N.I. , age: 52 / 09.19.2009
BUT YOU DEFINITELY DON'T WANT TO DIE, YOU WANT TO CONTINUE TO LIVE, BELIEVE ME. you try to continue living, you will learn to live again if you want, but women are strong.
Nadezhda, age: 41 / 12/29/2013
[Ewe: irrelevant] Hello, I went through exactly the same story, in some little things there is only a difference, but the essence is the same, I prayed and prayed that God would help me forget him, finally nothing “fucks” when I see him, glory God, but I still have a daughter from my first marriage, I didn’t need her at that moment, i.e. I stopped being interested in her affairs, like I remember a bad dream, pray too, God sees everything and will definitely help!
Victoria, age: 35 / 06/27/2014
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Karma and relationships outside of marriage
In our world, everything is interconnected. A girl who agrees to sleep with a married man will never be truly loved. She is driven by the call of the flesh, just like a guy in marriage. Intimacy is based on the desire to learn and feel something new and diversify sex, but not to achieve love and affection for each other. This is punished by fate, because the homewrecker does not arouse the desire of the stronger sex to take care of her, but he only wants to take possession of her.
Why is this happening? The mistress, according to karma, is the third negative particle that destroys the integrity of the marriage. Many homewreckers place the responsibility for the affair on the shoulders of the cheating spouse, but this is not so.
Thus, belated karma comes to the representative of the fair sex in the form that the “married man” does not see her as a potential life partner, so he easily indulges in extramarital intimacy, and does not intend to build a family with his passion.
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Mistress is a wonderful Russian word, And how dare you attack it, When it is the basis of life And it combines love and passion?!
(I. Severyanin)
There is one beautiful word in our life with a difficult fate - mistress. You can read on the Internet that it is foreign. And this, of course, is not true.
Lover is a Slavic word with a caressing “clack” ending, like “maiden” and “beauty”, with a tender root flowing like honey, receiving its breath from the best of feelings. But this does not save the “mistress” from a difficult life and a bad opinion, as well as those to whom this word is attached. But there will always be lucky women who wear it like a crown.
Sad relatives
The great and mighty Russian language did not leave the “mistress” without attention and gave her dubious “relatives”.
They each appeared in their own time, had legends and were overgrown with stories and seemed to be trying to say that all women are different, and the mistresses they make are completely different. Matress, passion, favorite, sympathy, cohabitant, kept woman, sweetheart, lawless girl, confidante, king, marukha... And behind them are centuries and years, names and destinies. So the metresses “came into fashion” under Peter I, and marukha is generally a word from criminal slang. Dissonances
Has it been the custom since ancient times that having a mistress is a sin? Yes and no. Everything depended on the prose of life. According to the Church Charter of Yaroslav the Wise, having a mistress with his lawful wife was not only considered adultery, but also punishable. Both participants in the treason were punished by paying a fine. Today they pay not fines, but compensation to the injured party, they go for divorces and other serious actions. However, in ancient times, but more delicate in relation to feelings, other meanings also reigned: a mistress was a beloved and a woman in love. And she stood on a par with the purest concepts: “... I beg you with the feelings of a wife, lover, mother - with everything that is sacred in life...” (A.S. Pushkin “The Queen of Spades”) The solution is that two worlds - sin and holiness of the love relationship between a man and a woman, these two feelings of love can overlap each other, live inseparably and passionately. It is then that they talk about happiness and heaven on earth, because a mistress is a wife. But, oddly enough, in Pushkin’s time the mistress also appears in its modern meaning: “Rumor attributed lovers to her,” and this is always a scandal.
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But it happens that a wife and a mistress - these two words repelling each other, two worlds, two sensations, two statuses - overlap each other, live inseparably and passionately.
However, mistresses and lovers are part of the biography of almost every person on this sinful earth. The names of lovers are hidden, and then remembered as the best thing that happened in life, as exploits on the love front, as proof of their former beauty and charm. Without love affairs there would be no novels and poems, scripts for brilliant films, paintings, inspiration, children born from uncontrollable passion... Life would become boring and colorless, like the faces of those whom fate has deprived of love.
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From mistress to wife
“When you marry your mistress, you create a new workplace.”
(James Goldsmith) The wife and mistress are always on the scales of human justice.
Their weight and value, differences and similarities are measured to the milligram, to the millimeter, to all the nuances of boiling emotions, to the risk of tragedies. A wife is something heavy and solid, which men often compare to shackles and a stone around the neck, but at the same time sacred and dear when it comes to children, past years and experiences. A mistress is alluring to the point of pain in the heart, to an exhausting feeling of sin, ephemeral like the fluff of a dandelion afraid of the wind, flying like a balloon. And this bright ball is an eternal symbol of the festive mood; if you get tired of it, you can easily let it go from your hands and regain freedom, lightness of life and everyday life, which one day will be illuminated again by a miracle - a new lover. But what about the ball itself, that is, the abandoned lover? She can only find a home for her heart. Probably a bad lover is one who does not dream of becoming a wife. And, it seems, there is no wife who, having lived for many years with one man, would not ask herself: why have I never had a single lover?[/td]
Having become a wife, a woman for some reason ceases to be a mistress, but begins to diligently fulfill her duty. And it becomes difficult for a man to be a passionate lover of his own wife and he is annoyed by her diligence. And the woman understands that the one who once went crazy with love and passion for her suddenly recovers and also fulfills his duty, but she still wants romance, understatement, falling in love, a whirlpool of love. But debts do not fit with boiling passions:
| Years will pass, you will get married, you will forget the troubles. To be a woman is a great step, to drive you crazy is heroism. (B. Pasternak “Explanation”) |
Talking about love “Women talk about love and are silent about lovers, men - on the contrary: they talk about mistresses and are silent about love.”
(M. Tsvetaeva) As a more sensual being, a woman from her youth is interested, first of all, in love - in a high philosophical meaning. She is fascinated by the theory of feelings, because for a long time there were certain standards of behavior written for a virtuous girl who had a chance of making a good match, that is, getting married successfully.
| © 2013 Thinkstock |
Much has changed, but girls' conversations about love still remain a part of a woman's life and its decoration. Lovers are something intimate, like a diamond hidden at the bottom of a box. You can admire him in private, but on occasion you can get him in order to amaze, intrigue, and, perhaps, simply start blackmailing, because in the word “mistress,” as I. Severyanin said, there is “justifiable revenge.”
| Men are always practical. Therefore, talking about love seems like an unnecessary waste of time to them. Although the exception is poets and writers. |
And what can we say about love? Although it is possible: usually about first love or the strongest, but in a masculine way. The number of mistresses is the pride of many men. After all, the number says a lot: that you like him not as a person - why such boring details when a love boat rocks on steep waves, but that he is skilled in love, about his strength and good spirits, about eternal youth.
Isn’t this the secret that Casanova is a positive hero of all times? And M. Tsvetaeva’s line sounds like the best wish for a man: “God give you a whole regiment of mistresses.”
Olga Sokirkina
Superstyle magazine
Consequences of an affair
Why can't you date a married man? Sooner or later you will have to pay for your amorous affairs with someone else’s husband. These intrigues are just a woman’s whim, which pollutes karma and increases the chance of negative consequences in subsequent lives.
An intimate relationship with a non-free guy represents the illusion that it is a karmic connection. This is a mistake that destroys a family. She takes away her husband and father, which won’t lead to anything good. For a relationship with a married man, karma foreshadows punishment in the form of:
- Strengthening the karma of a single person. When meeting with a family man, the passion does not notice the potential suitors destined for her by fate. There is a big risk that she will be left alone when her lover leaves her.
- Loss of healthy energy threatens those who wish to sleep with someone else's spouse, since they completely surrender to him. The real task of the female sex is to help her partner in self-realization, find a place in life and find herself as the keeper of the family hearth. An unfree chosen one is not an equal participant in the energy exchange. And a representative of the weaker sex will not be able to realize herself.
- Negativity comes not only from the wife and children, but also from the mother-in-law. A large amount of negative energy causes breakdowns in the aura, which will have a bad effect in the future.
- Using different magical lapels is a sin that carries a dangerous punishment. In esotericism, the use of various kinds of spells also carries karmic punishment.
Few people, when deciding to take such a step, think that children will pay for their love for a married person. At the same time, it doesn’t matter from whom he will be, he will still get a certain bad part of his mother’s life.
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2015-03-10 20:54:03 Is it a sin to love a married person??? After all, you can’t order your heart... (Asks: Svetlana)Answered by: Alexander Lutsiv
Peace to you, Svetlana. You wrote: “I love a married man. We met, lived together. He promised
divorce, but in the end he left me. I still love him. I know that this is a great sin. What to do??? Is it a sin to love a married person??? After all Lawless Heart"…
Yes, it's a sin. Don't commit adultery...
( Exodus 20:14 ) is written in the Bible.
What is adultery? How did the Founder of Christianity, Jesus Christ, treat him? “You have heard that it was said to the ancients: You shall not commit adultery.
But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.(Matt.5:27,28)” This is precise and specific to the sin of God himself.
But how does Christ relate to adulterers themselves?
“And in the morning he came again to the temple, and all the people came to Him.
He sat down and taught them. Then the scribes and Pharisees brought to Him a woman taken in adultery, and, placing her in the middle,
they said to Him: Teacher! this woman was taken in adultery;
and Moses commanded us in the law to stone such people: What do you say?
They said this, tempting Him, in order to find something to accuse Him of. But Jesus, bending low, wrote with his finger on the ground, not paying attention to them.
When they continued to ask Him, He bowed down and said to them: He who is without sin among you, be the first to throw a stone at her.
And again, bending low, he wrote on the ground.
They, having heard this and being convicted by their conscience, began to leave one by one, starting from the eldest to the last;
and only Jesus remained and the woman standing in the middle. Jesus, standing up and not seeing anyone but the woman, said to her: woman! where are your accusers? no one judged you?
She answered: no one, Lord. Jesus said to her, “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.
(John 8:2-11)
Is there any injustice here? NO! God condemns the sin of adultery but forgives the person who committed it if he repents and does not repeat the sin again.
But what about love after all? Remembering the two commandments of Christ: “ The second is similar to it: love your neighbor as yourself;
(Matthew 22:39)” and what then...
I’ll tell you that it takes a lot of time, willpower and prayer, and God will help you turn your carnal sinful love into love for your neighbor. Believe me, few people love you all their life and until their death, especially if the person has not betrayed you. And here. There is no point in loving someone who betrayed you. He doesn't deserve it. Cruel? No! Fair. Pray and ask God and He will help you!
Blessings!
Biblestudy.ru — Category: Sex, erotica and intimacy
2015-03-08 13:45:18 I noticed that in your comments you write the words Satan and Devil with a small letter.
(Asks: Igor) Answers: Vasily Yunak
Igor writes:
I noticed that in your comments you write the words Satan and Devil with a small letter. Is this due to personal attitude or spelling? If it’s spelling, then please give an argument, but if it’s a personal attitude, then you need to be consistent and write the personal names of ALL God’s enemies with a small letter, including Judas Iscariot.
Greetings, Brother Igor!
You have probably seen the words “Satan” and “devil” used in Watchtower Society publications. There they actually capitalize these words. Why? Ask them. But in all Russian language dictionaries these two words are not proper names, and therefore are written with a small letter.
If you suddenly discover any officially published dictionary of the Russian language in which these words will be presented as proper names, then let us know.
Blessings!
Vasily Yunak
Biblestudy.ru — Category: Satan and demons
2015-03-08 02:49:44 Why?
(Asks: Nora) Answers: Natalya Amosenkova
Hello Nora!
Answering your question: “Why did Moses order a man to be beaten to death just because he was collecting branches for the fire on Shabbat? Was this the will of God? Or for Moses the law meant more than man"
Moses did this at the command of the Lord, if you remember. It is important. And please proceed from the fact that God makes no mistakes. And this is not the only case described in the Bible ( Lev.24:10-14; Dan.6:1-24; Acts 5:1-13
).
When the children of Israel were in the wilderness, they found a man gathering wood on the Sabbath day; and those who found him brought him gathering wood [on the Sabbath day] to Moses and Aaron and to all the congregation [of the children of Israel]; and they put him in custody, because it had not yet been determined what should be done with him. And the Lord said to Moses: This man must die;
let the whole congregation stone him outside the camp. Numbers 15:32-35 After seeing many miracles from the Lord, deliverance from slavery and death in Egypt, the proclamation of the law of God with the sounds of the trumpet, thunder and flashing lightning, after repeated exhortations and explanations of God's laws and commandments by Moses, the behavior of this man was assessed as open neglect and resistance. Otherwise, he had the right not to leave Egypt! But he decided to join the chosen and special group. And the desert was a time of learning and preparing for the best. People entered into a covenant with the Lord, made agreements, made promises, enjoyed special benefits and took a special name. All this obliged us to something, didn’t it?
The door of mercy was closed in this man's life. God has the right to do this. Our life belongs to Him by right of creation and redemption. We live, move and exist in Him, and He has the right to our respect as the One who gave His life for us.
Dear Nora, God is our loving Father, but all who choose death perish...
I call heaven and earth as witnesses before you today: I have offered you life and death, blessing and curse. Choose life, so that you and your descendants may live, love the Lord your God, listen to His voice and cleave to Him;
for this is your life and the length of your days, that you may remain on earth... Deut.30:19,20 So it has always been... But now the situation is close to spiritual darkness. Unfortunately, even in the church, God was known as a kind, saving grandfather, and you just need to enter into a covenant with Him (or be baptized) and you are saved: live as you want and do what you want!
God doesn't recruit anyone. The gospel of grace and mercy has its price for those who have been pardoned - this is the complete surrender of their favorite sins to the Lord or not being called by the name of a Christian.
Read the words of Jesus Christ and think about them:
Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for good pearls,
who, having found one pearl of great price, went and sold everything he had and bought it.
Matthew 13:45,46 Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest; take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am meek and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls; For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.
Matthew 11:28-30 Examine the life of the Apostle Paul after His conversion... In light of his life and self-denial, does it seem to you that he is joking?
For if we, having received the knowledge of the truth, sin voluntarily, then there remains no more sacrifice for sins, but a certain terrible expectation of judgment and the fury of fire, ready to devour our opponents. If
he who rejects the law of Moses, in the presence of two or three witnesses,
is punished
with death,
then how much more severe punishment do you think will be guilty of the one who tramples on the Son of God and does not consider holy the Blood of the covenant by which he was sanctified, and insults the Spirit of grace? We know the One who said: Vengeance is Mine, I will repay, says the Lord. And one more thing: The Lord will judge His people. It's scary to fall into the hands of the living God!
Hebrews 10:26-31 May these serious truths protect you from jokes with the sacred and bring you salvation!
With love in Christ Jesus,
Natasha
Biblestudy.ru — Category: Bible, authors and characters
2015-03-08 01:47:04 Who do you take your example from?
(Asked by: Alexander) Answered by: Natalya Amosenkova
Hello Alexander!
Answering your question: “Good afternoon. I want to ask a provocative question. Please tell me who was the first Bishop of the Apostles? And which of the Apostles composed the first Liturgy of Divine Service? At this Liturgy, did the first Christians have prayers for the dead and not for the dead? Did you honor the Mother of God at this Liturgy? If yes, then who do you take your example from? Thank you."
First of all, I want to thank you for your desire to mission for Christ and save us. Thank you for wanting to share with us what you have...
More than twenty years ago, I first started reading the Bible...
And before that, we went to church with my mother on holidays, listened to the missionary grandmother who sold candles there, and dreamed of reading the Bible. But there was something else very important...
God answered my mother's prayer. This was not even the first time in my life, but this time was a turning point. Then my mother prayed in the Intercession Monastery in front of an icon called “Unexpected Joy” - it was about my life - and God, according to her faith, gave her unexpected joy - I am alive and am now writing an answer to your question.
After this incident, the desire to read the Bible became persistent, and at home in front of the icon we prayed every evening, reading the Lord’s Prayer and simply telling God our aspirations.
...And here we are holding the Bible in our hands. This was the Book in which the message for us was written from God Himself.
Dear Alexander, what is the Bible for you? Is it worth a level higher in authority in your life than everything else? People's words are just words, we listen to the teachings of the church fathers until they come into conflict with the Bible...
The first thing we learned was the truth about the Sabbath. The truth is that there is no basis for Sunday observance in the Bible.
The Sabbath came to mankind as a memorial of creation,
and God finished on the seventh day His works that He had done, and rested on the seventh day from all His works that He had done. And God blessed the seventh day and sanctified it, for on it He rested from all His works, which God had created and created.
Gen.2:2,3 Jesus Christ observed it until the last day of His earthly ministry.
After His death, the disciples were left alone, according to the commandment, without even paying their last respects to their deceased Teacher. The women who had come with Jesus from Galilee also followed and looked at the tomb and how His body was laid out;
Having returned, they prepared incense and ointments;
and on the Sabbath they remained in peace according to the commandment. Luke 23:55,56 Today God calls us to remember that He is our Creator and to worship Him as Creator. And I saw another angel flying in the midst of heaven, who had the everlasting gospel to preach to them that dwell on the earth, and to every nation, and kindred, and tongue, and people; and he said with a loud voice: Fear God and give glory to Him, for the hour of His judgment has come, and worship Him who made heaven and earth, and the sea and springs of water.
Rev. 14:6,7 How is it to worship God as Creator?
Do you remember the commandment that speaks about this? Remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy; six days thou shalt work and do all thy work, but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord thy God: on it thou shalt not do any work, neither thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, nor thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor [ your ox, nor your donkey, nor any of your livestock, nor the stranger who is within your gates; For in six days the Lord created heaven and earth, the sea and everything in them, and rested on the seventh day;
Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and sanctified it. Exodus 20:8-11 This commandment will be the mark of God's people. The prophecy of the Lord many years ago said:
and he will speak words against the Most High and oppress the saints of the Most High;
He will even dream of abolishing their holidays
and the law (1), and they will be delivered into his hand until a time and times and half a time (2). Daniel 7:25
This prophecy began to be fulfilled when the government, which opposed God, set its sights on the Law of the Most High and dared to change something in it and, in particular, the commandment that had to do with time...
The time is coming soon when the second part of this prophecy will be fulfilled, and this will be evidence for all sincere children of God that the end of earthly wanderings is approaching and the kingdom of our Lord will soon come.
For those who by that time are still in churches that do not preach the fullness of the Gospel truth, the last chance to join God’s church is expiring... And this Gospel of the Kingdom will be preached throughout the entire universe, as a testimony to all nations; and then the end will come. So, when you see the abomination of desolation, spoken of through the prophet Daniel, standing in the holy place - let the reader understand - then let those who are in Judea flee to the mountains; and let him who is on the housetop not come down to take anything from his house; and let him who is in the field not turn back to take his clothes. Woe to them that are pregnant and to those who nurse at the breast in those days! Pray that your flight will not happen in winter or on Saturday, for then there will be great tribulation, such as has not been from the beginning of the world until now, and never will be.
Matthew 24:14-21 But Daniel gives hope even for this time of trouble:
And at that time Michael will rise up, the great prince who stands for the children of your people; and a time of trouble will come, such as has not happened since people existed until now; But at that time all of your people who are found written in the book will be saved. And many of those who sleep in the dust of the earth will awaken, some to eternal life, others to everlasting reproach and disgrace. And the wise will shine like the lights in the firmament, and those who turn many to the truth will shine like the stars, forever and ever.
Daniel 12:1-3 Now is the time when the Lord writes the names of his faithful in the book of life. This is the time of filling with the Holy Spirit. This is the time when watchfulness will keep your lamp burning during the spiritual darkness before the coming of the Lord. This is the time of distinguishing truth from falsehood and separation from falsehood.
You must know today what gospel truth is, based on Scripture alone, and be able to identify deviations from it in your church.
Time is very short - the length of our lives. Sometimes the number of our years is not complete... Then we join those who sleep in the dust of the earth until the day of resurrection (Dan.12:3) and our works follow us. This is a common place for the righteous and the unrighteous; the division will take place on the morning of the resurrection. We do not find in the Bible examples of prayer for the dead or for the departed, except in cases of miracles, when a person was resurrected and the time of mercy was extended for him (For example: 2 Kings 4:8-37; Mark 5:35-42
). If the resurrection did not occur, then with our prayers we cannot rewrite the biography of the deceased person; all that remains is to entrust him to the Lord, who loves every person more than his own mother loves him. On the morning of resurrection there will be many miracles, including those unexpected for us.
The time of determination is the time of our life. Time to search for God, personal communication with Him. Time to receive mercy from the Lord.
There is only One Who can cover our sins for us, send the Holy Spirit into our hearts and introduce us before God the Father - this is Jesus Christ. We respect all others no more than the Apostle Paul calls for this:
Remember your mentors who preached the word of God to you, and, looking at the end of their lives, imitate their faith. Hebrews 13:7
Mary, Mother of Jesus Christ, we hope to meet on the morning of the resurrection of all the saints of God.
She worthily carried out the mission entrusted to Her by God. The life of Jesus Christ on our Earth corresponded to the prophecies about Him, and often the minds of even those closest and loving to Him were closed in order to embrace the entire plan of salvation and provide support to the suffering Messiah. Jesus could not count on understanding the depths of His heart, His experiences... ...But they did not understand the words He spoke.
And He went with them and came to Nazareth;
and was in obedience to them. And His Mother kept all these words in Her heart. Luke 2:50,51 They come to a house;
and again the people gathered, so that it was impossible for them to eat bread. And when his neighbors heard, they went to take him, for they said that he had lost his temper.
Mark 3:20,21 While He was still speaking to the people, His mother and brothers stood outside
the house , wanting to speak with Him.
And someone said to Him: Behold, Your Mother and Your brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak with You. He answered and said to the one who spoke: Who is My Mother? and who are my brothers? And pointing His hand at His disciples, He said: Here are My mother and My brothers; for whoever does the will of My Father in Heaven is My brother, and sister, and mother. Matthew 12:46-50 And everyone was amazed at the greatness of God. When everyone marveled at everything that Jesus did, He said to His disciples: Put these words in your ears: The Son of Man will be delivered into the hands of men.
But they did not understand this word, and it was hidden from them, so that they did not comprehend it, and they were afraid to ask Him about this word.
Luke 9:43-45 He called His twelve disciples and said to them, “Behold, we are going up to Jerusalem, and everything that is written through the prophets concerning the Son of Man will be fulfilled, for they will hand Him over to the Gentiles, and they will mock Him, and insult Him, and spit on Him.” They will beat Him and kill Him, and on the third day He will rise again.
But they didn't understand any of this; these words were hidden to them, and they did not understand what was said. Luke 18:31-34
But after the resurrection of Jesus Christ, His Mother, Mary, was with the disciples, John took special care of Her, and She shared with His disciples memories of His childhood, youth and everything that She had stored in her heart up to that time.
And the Holy Spirit was given to the disciples of Jesus to understand the Scriptures and to compare everything they saw and heard with what they read in the Scriptures. And as He reclined with them, He took the bread, blessed it, broke it, and gave it to them. Then their eyes were opened and they recognized Him. But He became invisible to them. And they said to each other: Did not our heart burn within us when He spoke to us on the road and when He explained the Scripture to us? Luke 24:30-32 And he said to them, “This is what I spoke to you about while I was still with you, that everything that was written about me in the law of Moses and in the prophets and psalms must be fulfilled. Then he opened their minds to understand the Scriptures. And he said to them: Thus it is written, and thus it was necessary for Christ to suffer, and to rise from the dead on the third day, and that repentance and forgiveness of sins should be preached in His name to all nations, beginning at Jerusalem. You are witnesses to this.
Luke 24:44-48 Dear Alexander, today is the day of God’s visit by His Holy Spirit for you, as well as for everyone who is now reading these lines. How will you react to the word of truth you have heard?
My prayer is for your salvation and for you to receive mercy from the Lord.
Natasha
Biblestudy.ru — Category: Religion, rituals and church
You can use a special form on our website Biblestudy.ru
Diseases
An affair with someone else's husband and karma are interconnected. As a result, female energy will be weak, which will negatively affect the immune system. The body easily becomes infected with various infections.
Forbidden love causes illnesses for both participants in the process. In women, the risk of mastopathy increases, and in men, the risk of adenoma formation increases.
In addition, it is worth noting that if the wife knows about the intriguer and vice versa, then during a close relationship, the ladies are more aggressive, which negatively affects the partner’s energy. As a result, diseases of the genitourinary system appear in both men and women.
Belated repentance of mistresses of married men
These stories of women who had affairs with married men were sent to our website in order to help those women and girls who are now experiencing such an affair or are tempted to become the mistress of a married man.
When I met him, I was 24, and he was 41. And at our first meeting, I said that we definitely couldn’t have anything, that he was too old, practical, boring. But... We started dating and I fell in love so much that I thought about him from morning to evening, dreamed about him before going to bed.
He is also married and has an 8-year-old daughter. These meetings continued through summer, autumn, winter, spring, and then we went to Cyprus. I tried to persuade him to do this for a whole year. I don't know what he told the family, but we went. It was a fairy tale, a dream... I still remember...
But then he, too, was replaced - probably, problems began in the family, he began to feel acutely guilty and became harsh with me. At first I also didn’t understand what was going on. And she climbed the walls, even asked my mother to meet with him so that he would tell her everything why he was doing this to me. And in the same way, everything inside me hurt and shrank. I woke up and immediately remembered that he was not with me, and began to cry...
But then, after my mother talked to him, I realized that this was such a humiliation - I, a pretty, young, educated girl, was being humiliated so much because of a married man!!! I really suddenly understood this. Probably, for this you need to humiliate yourself and fall so much in order to understand this. And I said to myself, “That’s it, it’s better for me to be without him than to suffer from his coldness and the fact that he’s married.”
So imagine, two months later he came to me with flowers and said that he wanted a child from me!!! But he doesn’t want to get a divorce... And I realized that in reality I wouldn’t have happiness with him. Continuing such a relationship is humiliating for me - I will stop respecting myself. And if he leaves the family, then I will stop respecting him. So there is only one option - to break up forever. And so I did.
We said goodbye forever. I went to church, confessed, and received unction. And it really made me feel better. I can already smell spring and new life!!!
Elena, 26 years old
* * *
The scenario is like everyone else’s: I’m 20, he, as expected, is much older. I have romance in my head, he has a family and two children. I knew about my wife from the very beginning, and it didn’t really bother me (dishonorably, of course, but I covered it up with my selfless and crazy love). Indeed, I fell in love like a cat. And he probably loved me - he soon told his wife everything. I felt sorry for her, although I thought then that a good wife doesn’t make her husband cheat. She called, cried, I remember one of her SMS: “I don’t want to judge you, but we all walk under God. You, too, will soon become a wife, then you will understand me . We broke up with this man.
Less than a year had passed before I actually got ready to get married. Everything was like in a fairy tale, and he looked after me very beautifully and loved me until he lost his pulse, my mother doted on me, and she arranged an amazing wedding for me (this doesn’t happen, I thought).
Well, the first wedding night ended and my husband didn’t come to spend the night the next night. During his honeymoon, he kept getting text messages on his phone in the style of “I love you, but I can’t” (they dated for almost a year, in the morning with me, in the afternoon at work, in the evening with me again - and when did you get it?).
The final blow was the pregnancy of his ex-girlfriend (no, well, I’ve been married for 3 weeks, and pregnant for 4)
In short, my marriage lasted almost one month. And what helped me get through this, oddly enough, was the feeling that I deserved it myself...
Forest Fairy
* * *
How strange, usually women who have experienced an affair with a married man in the past will most likely never repeat this experience again. Because they begin to see the situation differently. But, nevertheless, those in love and those who still have hope are unlikely to accept this advice. This is how we are made. Everyone will still make their own mistakes.
A close friend of mine once said: “I noticed that marriages built on the tears of abandoned wives do not lead to good. Even if it's love. “She and I went through all our friends who had started a family with a former married lover and saw the following (I warn you - this is a subjective opinion, and we were 17): Aunt Nina married her lover (he abandoned his family), gave birth to a daughter... and soon remained a widow . She never got married again. Katya's lover left his wife - a year later he began drinking and partying, beating Katya. Anya also has a husband - a former lover. Still torn between her and her family. Olya hoped for 6 years that her lover would leave his wife for her. I didn't quit. Olya was disappointed in life.
But our observations did not save me from having an affair with a married man (in the distant past, even before meeting my future husband). The romance is over. I then left him. She even left for another city. Although my lover confessed everything to his wife, divorced her and came to me. But it didn't work out. And thank God. I'm afraid I would still stop respecting him... It really hurts too much.
And now I’m watching how a very young close friend of mine is head over heels in love with a married man. And how many girls in such a situation self-confidently declare: “We love each other so much! He will still come to me!” And none of my words simply reach Tanya. She lives in another world: “Yes, I remember that you were so sad. But for me everything is different! I won’t be so sad!”
Will. And then my Tanya will also say: “An affair with a married man? No! Not this!” She’s just programmed for this mistake for some reason... Although, she deserves happiness like any other person.
Luchar
* * *
Sixteen years ago, while on vacation, I met a great guy without a ring on his hand. I fell in love with him, he became my first man. He was very gentle, kind, generous, showered with gifts, flowers, cakes, and rode horses. I was happy until I found out that he was married. The wife is pregnant. He said that they were going to get a divorce anyway.
I cried, I NEVER wanted to get involved with a married man. But it so happened, at first I didn’t know, and then I loved him too much and believed him... I left and never heard anything more about him. With difficulty, but I forgot him...
Now I live in a marriage, with my beloved husband for 11 years, and now, being pregnant with my fourth baby, I found out that my husband had a mistress (she divorced her husband because of mine)... How I stayed alive, how the child in me survived, how I didn’t kill everyone in the heat of passion, I don’t know! God protects me and our children very much!!! Because my husband and I got married in church. I let my husband go and kicked him out, he even left for one night, but then on his knees he begged for forgiveness and to be accepted into the family... And then again, then everything started to spiral between them...
Boomerang, my dears, exists!!! I ask you by God, do not get involved with married people, even if they swear that they are getting divorced anyway! And my first man is happy with his first wife, he has a 16-year-old daughter, Christina (the same name as my husband’s ex-mistress!!!) and a growing son (he’s 6-7 years old). And thank God that he stayed with his wife! And thank God, and thank Christina, our mistress, that she put everything in its place! In the end, she realized something and left MY husband behind, for which I thank her very much!
And now we have a completely different life, a completely different level. We are together, we love each other and are afraid of losing. I appreciate that my husband takes care of me and our children and I understand that this whole year, which for me was HELL (being pregnant, I didn’t eat or sleep, I lost 8 kg, my hair is now completely white - gray, I cried nights and days, our children suffered, cried and could not study) my husband also took care of me - we did not have sex to maintain the pregnancy, and took care of me physically after childbirth so that I would recover, purely for sex he had a young body (13 years younger than me) Christina. These are men, dear friends, they are males, nothing can be done...
Only now I have changed my mind about all this and calmed down, returned to physiological normality, again I can and want to have sex with my beloved husband... If a young, still stupid girl thinks that there can be happiness with SOMEONE ELSE’S husband, let, as she thinks, for love, she's wrong. And it is her choice whether to give her young, innocent body to ANOTHER man, even for a good reward, so that later, after a few years, she will repent and suffer not like a child... The husband protects HIS wife, loves her soul, therefore, often only for dirty animal sex goes to his mistress, filled with her energy, and he will still bring all the benefits to the family, to the feet of HIS QUEEN! And in order to somehow talk his way out of his mistress, of course, he will confess his love to her, and how believable! But it’s true that he loves her young, elastic body, erect breasts, but he doesn’t love her Soul!
Girls! Don't let yourself be taken advantage of! You are not a thing! A living person with a sensitive Soul!
Olga, 36 years old
* * *
It’s amazing how many different destinies and stories there are... Each of us has our own truth, our own pain. I also want to share mine. No, not pain... it’s mine, and I have to live with it. I want to tell my story.
Today I went to church. I finally gathered my courage. She walked in and tears poured down her cheeks. I just stood there and mentally asked God for forgiveness for my sin. For crippling two lives, two destinies.
This is how life, or circumstances, turned out, but being married, having a nine-year-old son, a good husband (whom I did not love and do not love), I began dating a married man. He has been married for nine years and has no children. He, as he said, never loved his wife either.
We planned a future together, dreamed of children. We were happy, and it was the period when we were together that I consider the brightest and most joyful in my life. He did so much for me...
We were each other's complement. It's difficult to put into words. A friend once told me, “You need to be very happy to be loved SO much...” Yes, it was exactly love. This happens once in a lifetime, probably.
Everything collapsed the day his wife found out that he had someone else. It’s hard to even imagine what kind of hell he found himself in. She blackmailed that she would commit suicide. His mother, her mother, was crying.
They filed for divorce, but that didn't end there. Divorced, separated. But she continues to pursue him. She asks, begs to come back, is ready to forget everything and forgive, just to be with him.
I experienced this divorce as if it were my own. Nightmare is putting it mildly. I just fell out of life.
Then he told me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t destroy another family, you have a child, he needs his own father. Let's remain friends. I'm not the same anymore."
We practically don’t communicate with him. He avoids me in every possible way. Sometimes he calls to ask how I am. I know that it is very difficult for him. One left. Gave her everything. The friends turned away.
He is taking it all very hard, as is his wife.
Only now did I realize everything I had done.
I don't want to live. I simply exist.
Even his own son is not happy. My husband is annoying. And this makes it scary.
I don't eat, I don't sleep. I do everything automatically.
Yes, nothing can be returned or corrected.
They say that time heals. No that's not true. It simply dulls temporarily the pain that becomes an integral part of you. It eats you from the inside. This makes it difficult to live and breathe. This is probably what depression is.
And who will say: where to look for salvation from yourself?
Yearning
* * *
How late repentance sometimes comes. More than ten years ago, I dated a married man for two whole years. I was 25 years old, he was 10 years older, and he became my first man. Now I ask myself the question: HOW!? HOW COULD I?!
His wife was sick and he had a child. And I wanted him to marry me.
You can’t build happiness on someone else’s misfortune - he left his wife, but he didn’t marry me either.
Many years later, I got married, lived with my husband for two years and got what I deserved. The husband left for another woman. Anyone who has experienced the betrayal of a loved one knows what it is. Everything hurts day and night, physical pain merges with mental pain and you no longer understand which is which. I used to confess my previous sin, but I probably only repented of it now. I immediately remembered that woman, the wife of my lover. I felt firsthand the pain I caused her. How she suffered, how bitter she was, then it didn’t bother me at all, I didn’t even think about it - he loves me!
I’m ready to fall on my knees in front of her now, shedding tears and begging for forgiveness. I can even find it if I want. But what will I tell her? I might pick at a wound that has already healed and cause pain again. And what can I hear from her?
“Get out, you trash, it serves you right.” That's how it is - CRAP.
I can’t even blame the woman to whom my husband left (although we have a well-wedded marriage!). I cut myself off with stupid questions: “How could she?..”. How could I? How dare I? You have to pay for everything. Debts, debts... As the poet Mikhail Svetlov said, it seems, “We take someone else’s for a while, but give ours forever.” It was said about monetary debts, but, in my opinion, it fits.
Now I’m trying to reach out to my sister, to my friend: “Girls, you can’t, you can’t take someone else’s, you can’t even think about it!” They don’t hear, they give reasons about feelings that you can’t cope with them, that it’s not “she”, but “I” that is his destiny, that it happens that complete strangers live nearby, got married by mistake... And so on. Yes, there may be a mistake, but it’s not for you to correct it, don’t bother. They'll sort it out without you. Otherwise, many years from now, when you will be happy and full of hope for a bright future and will not expect anything to happen. And it will happen. An old, forgotten sin will fall on your head like a bag and pin you to the ground. All the evil you have done will return. They will treat you the same way you once did and no one will care about your pain. PAY YOUR DEBT.
And everyone pays. Not now, so later, not here, so THERE. There is only one hope - for mercy and forgiveness. God! I'm sorry! My dears, all those whom I offended by stealing your husbands, forgive me if you can. I felt your pain myself. And I am the cause of that pain. How dare I ask for some kind of happiness for myself if I was the cause of someone else’s misfortune. I don’t know how I can beg this forgiveness from you... You can’t turn back time, you can’t change the past. And that's why it hurts a lot. And it’s also disgusting, from the consciousness of what you really are, what you are... And there is no one to blame that life is falling apart and there is no happiness. Why do you want happiness?
I, only I, ruined my own life. Now I have neither a husband nor children, but only an aching soul and conscience. If only earlier, someone would have at least hinted to me that what I was doing was not only ugly, dishonest (this is what I most likely understood), but also a SIN. A terrible sin with bitter consequences. Maybe, I don’t know, I wouldn’t have crossed that terrible line. Who knows.
Dear, dear, beautiful, smart, happy and not happy! DO NOT CROSS THIS LINE! Those who stand in front of her. And whoever, unfortunately (and there is no other way!) has already stepped over, run faster away from her in the opposite direction. And the sooner, the better for you, the fewer wounds there will be on your soul later. Stop. We wonder why there is so much evil in the world. From ourselves. Do no harm. I wish everyone INSIGHT, MERCY AND FORGIVENESS.
AlenaS
* * *
All my life I swore off having a relationship with a married man and now I got myself into trouble... A year of relationship - a year of tears, suffering, feelings of guilt, a feeling of all-consuming pity for Him and his children, for his wife, the difficulty of making the decision to leave, unbearable melancholy and pain... Like a roller we enjoyed the ride.
Dear girls and women, do not allow relationships with other people’s husbands. This is a sticky quagmire, disgusting and rotten, it sucks in - it’s hard to get out. But everything is disguised as high, tender feelings... Although no... Feelings are high, goals are low...
And now a newly-made aspiring mistress reads all these posts and thinks: “Well, no, everything is wrong with me, with me he is wonderful, decent, he’s just unlucky in life, his wife is far from his ideal, it’s hard for him with her, only me I can help him."
Believe me. If this man had had such a bad time in his family, he would have left his wife long ago without your help and support. Since he hasn’t left yet, then something is holding him tightly there and there is no need to try to pretend that he is a liberator from the shackles of an unsuccessful marriage...
Queen of Chanticleer
* * *
When I was 24, I also met a married man, at first he did not talk about his situation, everything was like in a fairy tale, I believed in true love, then recognition - and the hope that his family would not last long, that our happiness was so close. Quarrels, then meetings, showdowns, crazy passion, all of this was so “sucked in” that I lived only for this.
Now I'm 27, it's good to talk when everything is in the past. And then I was looking for advice and reassurance, hope. By chance a pilgrimage service caught my eye, I accidentally ended up in Optina Pustyn, and then in the chapel of the New Martyrs of Optina I stood and asked the Lord to help, then I didn’t know what yet, I just felt bad. And then it was revealed to me what it was like for her, his wife, because they, too, were building their happiness, because He is HER HUSBAND, and I am my LOVER, and no matter how sweet the lie is, the truth is that I am doing bad to myself, to Her, to Him, to God, because He loves us. And these were not my thoughts, because then I lived only with him, someone else’s husband and our relationship with him, it was a conversation between my sinful soul and God.
I was very surprised by this revelation, only then I woke up and realized that I had been standing in the chapel for two hours and cleansing tears were pouring from my eyes. I realized that help had come. When I asked for it, I didn’t know what it would be like, but the Lord put everything in its place, then I realized that the Lord exists and “Wonderful is God in His Saints”...
Meniko, 27 years old
* * *
We met two years ago. From our very first meeting, I knew that this man was married. I didn't make any plans. And even more so, she didn’t want to take him away from his wife and little daughter. I found it interesting to be with him - a living person, a wonderful journalist, just a “burning” personality...
We just talked for several months. We drank coffee in the evenings, walked around the city, and talked and talked...
It seemed to me that he was lonely. He confirmed my thoughts with the phrases: “I don’t love my wife...”, “I live because of the child...”. I felt sorry for him, and the thought also warmed me: no one understands him as much as I do...
One day he accompanied me home, and it was as if we were drawn to each other. We spent that night together.
It all started from that night. I fell in love. I couldn't breathe without this man. I couldn't live.
Weekends turned into torture. On Saturdays and Sundays he did not call, he spent all his time with his family, occasionally sending SMS. It broke me.
And yet, there was a burning feeling of shame.
Sometimes I went to the Temple - I stood at the door and asked the Lord to deliver me from this passion. I couldn’t come to services, I couldn’t light a candle, I couldn’t confess - I was ashamed, I realized what a sin I was committing, and I couldn’t do anything about it... I couldn’t leave this man. I couldn't see a future without him.
This went on for six months. Six months of happiness mixed with bitterness and pain.
One morning I woke up and realized that I couldn’t go on like this. What should he choose? What should I choose? That that woman and that little girl are not to blame for anything. He refused to get a divorce. More precisely, he didn’t refuse, but said that he would definitely divorce, would definitely be with me, but... later. After few years. It is unknown when. Just later.
And then, after this conversation, I was drawn to the Church. I went to my father and told him everything honestly. I thought that he would swear, that he would turn away from me, but he patted me on the head and said only one thing: “Understand, nothing happens in this life without the Lord. Just put yourself in his hands."
After these words, I could no longer be with the man I loved. As soon as he hugged me, the curly head of his daughter and the tear-stained eyes of his wife appeared before my eyes. I was leaving. She screamed, ran away, overwhelmed herself with work, turned off her phone... And still came back. And then she left again. This continued for several more months. And then each time I left became easier. The period that I could survive without him increased.
Yes, we were still together. But I understood that it wouldn’t be for long...
In the summer I took communion for the first time. She stood in confession, talked about everything, and cried. I asked the Lord for forgiveness for all the pain that I caused to my family and his family.
After this communion it became easier to breathe.
It took another three months to leave him. Another six months to start a new life myself.
I tore him away from me piece by piece - despite the fact that I knew that one call from me, and he would be with me again. Everything could be returned...
On the last day we were intimate, he took my hand and said that he wanted a child from me. Today I understand that he said this in order to bring me back once again.
I cried. I cried all night. She grabbed the pills, cursed fate and his wife... And by morning she calmed down.
The step was taken, there was no turning back.
And although I still didn’t see a future without him, I understood that I had to go. If only because I love this person. And this means I want him to be happy. How will he be happy, living between two women, constantly tormented by a feeling of guilt in front of the child?..
I will not describe what happened to me. Only the priest, who constantly prayed for me, and a couple of friends pulled me out. And work. Work that is related to serving the Lord.
It's been eight months now. Sometimes we meet him and drink coffee. He talks about his family, about his daughter who went to kindergarten. He is happy. He says that after this whole story he looked at his wife in a new way, that he began to respect her - after all, she knew perfectly well about our relationship, but somehow saved the family.
I do not have anyone. I’m alone, so far I don’t want any men in my life... Maybe I’m just afraid.
I am happy that that person was in my life. Happy - because it was thanks to him that I became what I became. I have become stronger. I believed in God. I believed in myself.
Sometimes he takes my hand and asks for forgiveness for the whole story. He says he loved me very much. I believe him...
And I also believe that everything will definitely work out for me. After all, everything is in the hands of the Lord. You just need to believe in Him one day and surrender to His Will. God is merciful, he will always bring you out. Even from where there seems to be no way out...
Elena
* * *
I was 19 years old. There is complete devastation in my head, no values, a child of the 90s, I grew up without a father, my mother was seriously ill, most of my adult life, before meeting him, was independent. But here is Moscow... Institute... And a part-time job, where I met him in one of the most expensive Moscow stores.
To my deepest shame, it didn’t even cross my mind that I had a wife, two children... I absolutely didn’t care, I didn’t even think about it FOR A SECOND, what a nightmare!!!! And she threw herself headlong into the pool...
It hit me within six months... And after that, the next five years passed in delirium, fog, hysterics, tears, humiliation, I sank lower and lower. To get out of the habit of him, I slept with others... He found out, there were scandals, fights, hysterics... We lived together for a while, even went on vacation a couple of times, sometimes I was incredibly happy and thought - THIS IS LOVE!!!
What a fool I was!!!
His wife recognized him, we talked to her, tried to figure it out, talked to his daughter - tried to figure it out, with his friends and with mine... The nightmare lasted and lasted...
I won’t write things that are absolutely familiar to every lover: “It’s hard for him, he’s suffering, he can’t decide, he won’t leave the family, he loves you more than life itself, you drive him crazy, but he has children, weekends alone, holidays in tears, “sauna "and home to his wife... etc. and so on. everything is like ALL lovers at ALL times"
...The Church saved me when I no longer knew what to do... I went to it and prayed only with simple words “don’t leave me!”... After 5.5 years, salvation came to me!!!
I am grateful and my gratitude cannot be expressed in words... I was saved, I began to laugh and smile, the whole world became love!
There was light, sun, joy - I began to live!!! I’m no longer dying, I’m no longer waiting for his calls when I can’t call myself, I’m not crying on the side of the road driving away from him, my soul is no longer torn at the sight of happy couples and children... I was SAVED, we ourselves are almost powerless in this sin and passions. I won’t waste any more water, but will write as a rule:
1. Ask for help, if you are a believer, quickly go to Church, go to confession with the priest, fast for communion and may not let you go the first time, but don’t give up - salvation will come, the main thing is to want it and ask for it!
2. Ask loved ones for help.
3. And understand that there is already too much grief in the world, and here you are still destroying someone else’s family - come to your senses before it’s too late!!!
And strength and FIRMITY in your intentions, you will need it when you start to move away from him...
Mine came to my house on weekends for a month and a half, at first drunk, said that he was confused, kissed, said that he had never loved anyone so much in his life. Then he came and invited us to live together, next time - on vacation, next time - to get married... But I was firm... I asked what was at home - he said that he lived at home for now and did not know what to do... I realized that this is my last chance to somehow beg for forgiveness and rectify the situation...
Now I pray that everything will work out for them...
I don’t know if I will be forgiven and if I will ever be able to triple my life in the future without some “girl” doing the same to me...
But I believe now that if you take the RIGHT steps, then there will be joy and there will be love in life, perhaps I will have another destiny, and I will only pray to the Lord that His will be done!
But I don’t know if I will have a family and children (of which I want at least five)! But the main thing is not to stop enjoying every day. Life is a gift to us from God, we do not have the right to treat it as our property and turn it into a nightmare, suffering, worries, passions...
Come to your senses!
I hope that my cry from the heart will help at least one person to think at least a little...
Tatyana, 26 years old
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