What is pride and how is it different from arrogance?

Pride is for fools who think they are perfect ©

Picture from a children's book

What is the difference between pride and arrogance? Especially in relationships. Where does the first one come from? And how is the second one brought up?

Let's think together, dear reader. Let's remember the story:

“Everything is medicine and everything is poison – it’s all a matter of dose”

Hippocrates

And when analyzing this question, what is pride and arrogance, we will also remember concentration. Pride can be a manifestation of self-esteem, self-esteem. And this is adequate self-esteem. And there is no need to assert yourself here. This does not interfere with living and building relationships. A self-sufficient person is calmer to criticism, because he considers it nothing more than the point of view of another. Self-sufficiency makes it possible to know your worth, and this person does not need to fill it, proving to himself and others that he is worthy. Another diagnostic criterion is the possibility of self-irony. If it is present, everything is normal, since there is a calm acceptance of one’s imperfections while maintaining self-respect. This allows you to love. Let’s remember “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Based on this, it follows that a person who does not love and respect himself is unable to fully love and respect others.

With pride, everything is different. This is an aggravated, inflamed, painful, grotesque manifestation of all the same qualities that form maladjustment in personal relationships and neuroses. This is, indeed, a kind of spiritual illness that requires treatment.

Humiliation and Respect

There are two similar words. Respect and humiliation. Both differ by only two letters. And radically in meaning. Pride involves humiliation of others. Proud people are incapable of being sincerely and wholeheartedly proud of others. In pride there is respect for others. Therefore, you can be proud not only of your successes, but also of the successes of others; you can be proud of your country, city, friend, colleague, wife/husband, child.

The formation of a person begins, first of all, in the parental family. Only then do peers, school, institute, and other society get involved.

A newborn person, like a blank sheet of paper, is waiting for his parents to begin writing on it, shaping his destiny. And this is not only education by word, but also by example. It is the parents who must raise a person with his own dignity so that he can appreciate it in others. And it is the parents who must ensure that the child does not develop pride, arrogance, or neurotic superiority.

Is a proud woman the one who is unavailable and will never make the first move?

A proud woman is a woman with self-esteem, with adequate self-esteem, she is selective, does not waste time on trifles, is faithful, chaste. A healthy personality is self-sufficient, friendly and open to the world. She knows how to communicate, choose, talk about her feelings, negotiate, explain, and may well take the first step. Lightness, smile, enthusiasm, freshness, energy - a kind of demonstration of mental health and well-being. It is important not only to shine, but also to glow. Joy, goodness.

Pride and inaccessibility

If a woman likes a man, but at the same time gives the opposite reactions - she is stern, dry, harsh, unsmiling - such strategies ruin the life, first of all, of the woman herself, and mislead the man. Total coldness is not pride, but internal ill-being, the path to loneliness. We need to get rid of this pathogenic script, and not blame it on the unfair world, or on the fact that “there are no normal men left.” Sitting in a proud ambush, waiting for a siege, while also wincing, is no longer an effective strategy in our fast-paced age. However, of course, it is also important to be able to control your behavior; selective coldness, even if you like a man, can be a good thing - for example, we are talking about a relationship with a married man, or, for example, the husband of a sister, brother, etc.

Let's return to neurotic inaccessibility. The “Snow Queen” is sometimes cold, because she herself sometimes does not believe that the compliments addressed to her are real. That’s why sometimes she doesn’t know how to smile either herself or in response. Although he wants it in his heart. Therefore, a girl in the family needs to be raised so that she does not urgently need admiration. Feed her with love on time. And she will not get involved in dysfunctional relationships, where, for example, a psychopath will maintain a toxic relationship with her, tormenting her, sometimes just giving her compliments that she believes, and which her father did not give her as a child.

Or does the concept of female pride imply other manifestations? Very often you hear advice (to a woman or a man) - don’t be the first to ask for forgiveness, you need to have pride. What is actually more in the unwillingness (or inability) to ask for forgiveness - pride or arrogance?

The inability to ask for forgiveness if you are wrong is not pride, but immaturity. The desire to be ideal can come either from destructive parenting, which needs to be processed with a psychotherapist, or perhaps from a toxic relationship, when admitting guilt caused not respect from the opponent, but additional attacks.

Moscow Sretenskaya Theological Academy

Hierodeacon Kirill (Popov) 06/17/201734884
For the most complete understanding of what pride is and what its properties are, it is necessary to establish and clarify the meaning of this concept, and for this to identify its functioning in the Greek language: it was into it that the text of the Septuagint was translated and written in it New Testament. And then we should clarify the meaning of this term in the Slavic and Russian languages ​​in which we read the Holy Scriptures.

PASSION OF PRIDE: NOT BRIEFLY, BUT ABOUT THE MOST IMPORTANT. PART 2.

Turning to the text of Holy Scripture makes it possible to see that to name the passion of pride, along with the basic concept called “pride” in Russian, the word “pride” is also used, which is more characteristic of the Slavic tradition - the Church Slavonic biblical text. At the same time, a number of examples allow us to talk about some regularities in the use of these units, determined, among other things, by the context.

First of all, let us turn to the texts of Holy Scripture written in Greek. The main Greek term for the passion of pride is the word ὑπερηφαν ία

(in Latin
huperеfania
) .
At the same time, the dictionary materials of the ancient Greek language allow us to draw attention to some features of its existence. Thus, the dictionary of the Greek language of the New Testament for the Greek ὑπερηφαν ία
gives the Russian equivalents “pride, arrogance, arrogance”[1].
At the same time, the dictionary entry of the bilingual dictionary by A.D. Weisman allows us to see the internal form of this complex word: ὑπερηφαν ία
- excessive pride, arrogance, as well as
ὑπερηφ ᾰνέω
- to be too proud, to be arrogant[2], similar information is found in the Great Ancient Greek Dictionary:
ὑπερηφ ᾰν ία
- 1) arrogance, arrogance, contempt; 2) neglect, contempt[3]. The very presence of the first part of this Greek word, meaning “strongly, extremely;” to an even greater extent; above, above”[4].

Carrying out an ascetic analysis of the passion of pride, S. M. Zarin points out: “In its philological composition, υπερήφανος

means a person who shows “himself” excessively, i.e., who, having enormous self-esteem, puts his personality to the fore in any case.
Thus, ύπερηφανία
is very often associated with external pomp and luxury”[5].

Notable in this sense are the previously noted biblical verses testifying to pride (Greek: ύπερηφανία

- glory.
contempt
) of the Lucifer (Obd. 1:3), exaltation and arrogance (Greek
ύπερηφανία
- glorious
pride
and
pride
) of Antiochus Epiphanes, who plundered the temple (see 2 Mac. 5:21; 1 Mac. 1:20-22, 24 ), the arrogance of Moab (Greek
ύπερηφανία
- glorious
pride
) (Is. 16:6).
The use of Greek is also characteristic. ύπερηφανία
(glorified
pride
) when describing the pride of a sinner, which is also manifested in his outer appearance (Ps. 73:6-9).

Another of the main designations of the passion under study in the Greek language is also the word ὕβρις

.
S. M. Zarin notes that it, “without a doubt, is connected with υπέρ
and actually means placing oneself above all boundaries,
arrogance
.
At the same time, ὕβρις
can sometimes manifest itself in neglect of sacred, divine laws”[6].

The studied biblical material allows us to note the use of the word “proud” in many contexts describing the sinner’s deviation from the righteous ways of the Lord.

Indeed, the studied biblical material allows us to note the use of the word “proud” in many contexts describing the sinner’s deviation from the righteous ways of the Lord - His laws. This is a mention of the eyes of the proud (Greek ὀφθαλμ ὸς
ὑβριστο ῦ
- glorious
eye of the annoyor
) (Ps. 6:17), and about the resistance of the wicked to God with a proud neck (Greek
ὕβρει
- glorious
reproach
).
The arrogance (Greek ὕβρις
- glorious
annoyance
) and arrogance (Greek
ὕβριν
- glorious
reproach
) of the proud are placed on a par with other iniquities (Is. 13:11), pride (Greek
ὕβριν
- glorious
reproach
) and arrogance ( Greek
ὕβρεως
- glorious
annoyance
) Moab implies both malicious intentions towards the wickedness of one's neighbor, and opposition to the people of Israel - the people of the Lord of Hosts, to whom the Law was given (Isa. 16:6; Zeph. 2:10).

The connotation of boastfulness in this word is also found in some biblical passages.

Along with these names of pride, which are most often found in biblical and patristic texts, there are others. In some cases you can see the word αλαζονεία

- among the classics, as S. M. Zarin notes, it means “boasting”[7].
The tinge of boasting that this word has is also found in some biblical passages: with great pride (Greek ἀλαζονε ίας
- glorious
pride
) the military leader Nicanor, appointed ruler of Judea during the time of the Maccabees (2 Maccabees 15:6), extolled himself (Greek
ἀλαζονε ίας
- glorious
pride
’s own strength instead of trust in God, denounced by the Apostle James (James 4:15-16), self-praise (Greek
ἀλαζ όνας, ἀλαζ όνες, ἀλαζο νε ία
- glorious,
proud, majestic, pride
) refers to the pride of people who have departed from God (Rom. 1:28-31, 2 Tim. 3:2-5, 1 John 2:16).

τύφος is also found in tests

(“puffiness”)[8].
about such possible pride (Greek τυφωθε ὶς
from
τυφóω
- gloriously
proud
) of a bishop appointed from among the converts (1 Tim. 3:6); the apostle also speaks of pompousness (Greek
τετυφωμ ένοι
from Greek
τ υφóω
- glorious
pomposity
) as a property of people who have departed from God (2 Tim. 3:2-5).

In Hebrew, pride is called gaavah

(אָוָה) - arrogance, majesty, inflation, this concept is often translated as “superiority”, “arrogance”, “pride”, “ascension”.
The Hebrew verb gaah
literally means “to grow; rise high." From him come words that convey the idea of ​​pride, such as “arrogance”, “vanity”, “greatness”[9].

We can conclude that the Slavic word “pride” in ancient Greek has several meanings.

Thus, we can conclude that the Slavic word “pride” in the ancient Greek language has several meanings - arrogance, arrogance, exaltation, arrogance, etc. It is noteworthy that in the Biblical text in Greek the word “pride” has a different semantic connotation, expressing that or another degree of destructiveness of sinful passion, while the Slavic text reflects the entire essential completeness, integrity and multidimensionality of the passion of pride.

Having briefly outlined the features of the use of these concepts in the original languages ​​of the Holy Scriptures of the New (Greek) and Old (Hebrew) Testaments, it can be noted that the words “pride” and “arrogance” in relation to biblical texts, as follows from the analysis of Old Slavonic sources[10], can convey the same Greek concept - ὑπερηφαν ία

.
At the same time, the Old Slavonic gradyni
is a correspondence of the Greek
μεγαλαυχ ία
“boasting, boasting, arrogance” [11] and
τύφος
“puffiness, pride, arrogance, conceit, empty imagination” [12].

Each of the two concepts has a number of other, distinct meanings and correspondences in Greek.

The same can be noted in the Church Slavonic language: while the definitions are identical: pride - “arrogance, arrogance” and pride - “pride, arrogance”, each of the two concepts has a number of other, different meanings and correspondences in the Greek language[13].

Analysis of the previously cited biblical passages shows, however, greater consistency in the transmission of the corresponding Greek words in Church Slavonic compared to the word usage of the Synodal Translation. Thus, the Greek units ύπερηφανία

and
αλαζονεία
correspond [14] to both Slavic words - “pride” and “pride”; also the Slavic “pride” can be translated by the Greek
ἀγερωχ ία
“pride, arrogance”.
For all other Greek basic names of pride, the proud and their actions, there are other synonyms in the Slavic language: Greek. ὕβρις
- glory.
annoyance, reproach, contempt
;
units of the same root Greek. τύφος
- glory.
became proud, pompous
;
Greek ὕψωμα, ὕψος, ὑψ ώθη
- glory.
exaltation, exaltation, ascended
.

A noteworthy observation on the content of Greek concepts conveyed by Slavic vexation

(
contempt
), annoyance and pride are found in St. Basil the Great in his interpretations of the prophet Isaiah.
Explaining the words of the prophet (Is. 2:12), the saint o[19][20]. The Rich Man and Lazarus
At the same time, the word “pride” used in the Synodal Version may not be equivalent to the word ὑπερηφαν ία

, and others - “glory” (
δόξα
) (Isa. 14:11), “arrogance, insolence” (
ὕβρις
) (Jer. 50:31-32), “arrogance, arrogance” (
γαυρίαμα
) (Sir. 47:5 ).
“Pride” in the Russian Synodal translation corresponds to the Greek ὕβρις
(along with “arrogance”, “arrogance”, “arrogance”),
ύπερηφανία
(also translated into Russian “arrogance”, “arrogance”, “exaltation”),
αλαζονεία
(also Russian . "arrogance").
It can be seen that these words, to a greater or lesser extent, correspond to the basic meaning of the Greek ύπερηφανία
, therefore, in order to form a correct opinion about what meaning was originally contained in it, one should turn primarily to the Church Slavonic text, which is more oriented towards the Greek text.

The material from historical dictionaries makes it possible to talk about greater consistency observed in the past when translating from Greek.

Material from historical dictionaries

makes it possible to talk about greater consistency observed in the past when translating from Greek.
Dictionary XI-XIV centuries. allows you to see a more accurate correspondence between ancient Russian. gardyni “arrogance, arrogance; arrogance" Greek. ὑπερηφανία
“arrogance, arrogance, contempt”, while pride with the same meaning “arrogance, arrogance;
“puffiness” is a translation of a number of Greek concepts: ἀλ ᾱζονε ία
“boastfulness, boastfulness, arrogance, arrogance”,
τ ὴν ὀφρ ῦν
, associated with the meaning of “furrow one’s eyebrows, wrinkle one’s brow, look gloomily or proudly”[21],
ὑ περηφανία
"arrogance, arrogance, contempt",
τύφος
"puffiness, pride, arrogance, conceit, empty imagination",
ὕβρις
"impudence, insolence".
This usage is in many ways different from that noted in Old Church Slavonic, and in some cases in Church Slavonic .
Here it seems important to mention the history of the words being analyzed. The structure of both concepts is pride

and
pride
- indicates that they are of the same root and obviously go back to the common Slavic basis gъrdъ, which supposedly had several meanings: “picky”, “picky”, “picky”[22]. In some related languages, this stem has acquired a slightly different semantic meaning: Slovenian “gȓd” - “ugly” (the negative connotation remains). In addition, following M. Vasmer, many researchers, when establishing the origin of the word “proud”, consider it necessary to draw a parallel with the Latin “gurdus” - “stupid”.

Consideration of the word “pride” in biblical-theological dictionaries and encyclopedias is generally based on the text of the Holy Scriptures and initially determines that pride is a negative quality.

Consideration of the word “pride” in biblical-theological dictionaries
and encyclopedias
is generally based on the text of the Holy Scriptures and initially determines that pride is a negative quality. For example, such an understanding of pride as a sin is found in the Biblical Theological Dictionary of 1872, edited by V. Mikhailovsky,[23] which is a translation of the French dictionary of 1862 with the addition of some extracts from non-canonical books. Thus, it notes the condemnation of pride by God, its consequences, foundations, and provides examples of proud people. The dictionary entry from B. Getze's Bible Dictionary (1923)[24], which also defines pride as a sin, is organized in a similar way.

The Brockhaus Biblical Encyclopedia (first edition, 1960) indicates that “pride in the biblical texts implies arrogance,” and also, citing the concepts of “pride, vanity, arrogance,” o[25].

Material from the Evangelical Dictionary of Biblical Theology (1996) indicates that the concept of “pride” “is sometimes mentioned in the Old Testament in a positive sense” [26] when denoting the greatness of God, the main one is its negative sense. In the New Testament, the meanings of all words that name pride are specific and have only a negative meaning[27]. The dictionary entry examines in some detail the usage of Hebrew and Greek texts, identifying biblical contexts that describe the proud, indicating the consequences of pride.

A new understanding of this concept, largely determined by the translation of the dictionary from French into Russian, is contained in the Catholic Dictionary of Biblical Theology (first edition, 1970). It actually reflects an attempt to consider the possible positive connotations of the word “pride”, to set it off from the meaning of the concept “pride/arrogance”. At the same time, “pride/arrogance” is traditionally presented by the authors as a sin, a negative quality through identifying, on the basis of the Holy Scriptures, various forms of pride (vanity, arrogance, arrogance, arrogance), its consequences, examples of the proud and their punishment.

Another “pride”—boldness—requires additional comment.

Another “pride”—boldness—requires additional comment. “There is no special expression in the Bible for pride in a positive sense, but the characteristics of this quality are based on two moral states. One of them is always noble and is translated into Greek. in the word παρρησία

, related to the concept of “freedom”.
Jews express it using paraphrases: stand up straight, with your face raised, openly express your opinion; pride manifests itself in complete freedom of speech and behavior. Another state is close to the feeling of trust and represents, as it were, its radiation; the Greeks designate it with the word хαύχησις
, which means “to boast about something,” to lean on something in order to have a confident posture - for the full realization of one’s existence before oneself, before others, before God Himself; this kind of Pride can be noble or vain, depending on whether it rests on God or on man”[28].

However, it is necessary to note that the concept of παρρησία

has in Greek, as can be seen on the basis of dictionary materials, a meaning that is not directly correlated with the meanings of other terms that directly refer to pride: “1. frankness, directness, 2. intemperance of the tongue, 3. daring, courage,” and therefore is translated when translated into Russian as “hope, daring, confidence”[29], but not “pride.”

In the Catholic Encyclopedia, pride is considered to be a negative quality in a person and the most ungodly sin. Pride is defined as excessive self-love, a sense of one’s own superiority. A proud man breaks away from the subordination of Almighty God and lives by his own rules. This shows contempt and rejection of God[30].

It seems inappropriate to try to justify human pride by contrasting it with so-called “pride” on the assumption that pride is good and pride is bad.

“Pride” is discussed in a similar way in the Great Bible Dictionary (2001). Its authors, defining that pride “in a positive sense is real and justified self-respect” [31] (in this case, it is conveyed by the Greek concepts παρρησία

and
хαύχησις
), oh, therefore “attempts to justify human pride by contrasting it with so-called “pride” on the assumption that pride is good and pride is bad seem inappropriate”[32].

In the patristic Greek dictionary Lampe GWH pride ( ὑπερηφανία

) is defined as arrogance (
arrogance
), a sin that kills the soul (
sin which destroys soul
) [33].

The Orthodox Encyclopedia says that pride is one of the main human vices. It can also be denoted in other Greek. words, acquiring various semantic shades (conceit, arrogance or arrogance, boasting, arrogance). In the Bible, pride does not appear as a positive quality; the Holy Fathers consider pride as a grave sin[34].

To summarize, it is important to note that in the biblical contexts of the Greek and Slavic traditions, it is precisely the negative properties of this passion that are designated with pride.

To summarize, it is important to note that in the biblical contexts of the Greek and Slavic traditions, it is precisely the negative properties of this passion that are designated with pride. The term “pride” in the Holy Scriptures is replaced by the word arrogance, arrogance, but this word is present in the translations of Scripture into Russian. At the same time, modern researchers sometimes determine the possibility of identifying some of its positive features based on an analysis of concepts that are in some sense correlated with it. In this regard, it is necessary to turn to the corresponding traditions of word usage. Based on the issue considered, our position agrees with the point of view of the pre-revolutionary researcher Bishop. Vissarion (Nechaev), who said: “The Word of God often speaks of pride, but it does not know noble pride at all... The Holy Scripture only exposes and condemns pride as a grave sin”[35].

Thus, turning to dictionary and encyclopedic materials allows us to say that pride is traditionally interpreted exclusively as a negative quality, and only over time attempts have been made to define some positive shades of meaning for this concept. The peculiarities of such word usage can be found in modern European languages[36], which can be seen in the example of the Russian book tradition, which will be discussed in more detail in the following parts of this article.

monk Kirill (Popov)

[1] Greek-Russian Dictionary of the New Testament. - M.: RBO, 2012. - P. 215.

[2]Weisman A. D.

Greek-Russian dictionary. - St. Petersburg, 1899. - Stlb. 1280.

[3]Large Ancient Greek Dictionary. - M.: State Publishing House of Foreign and National Dictionaries, 1958. - P. 787.

[4]Ibid.

[5]Zarin S. M.

Asceticism according to Orthodox Christian teaching. T. 1. Book. 2. - St. Petersburg, 1907. - P. 297.

[6]Ibid.

[7]Ibid.

[8]See right there.

[9]Shapiro F. L.

Hebrew-Russian dictionary. - M.: GIINS, 1963. - P. 244.

[10] Old Church Slavonic dictionary. - M., 1994. - P. 178.

[11]Large Ancient Greek Dictionary. - M.: State Publishing House of Foreign and National Dictionaries, 1958. - P. 648

[12] Weisman A.D.

Greek-Russian dictionary. - St. Petersburg, 1899. - Stlb. 1264.

[13] Dyachenko G., prot.

. Complete Church Slavonic dictionary. - M.: Father's House, 2013. - P. 128.

[14] In this case, only cases of using nouns are indicated, that is, adjectives and verbs formed from them are not considered separately, the content of the corresponding root -gord-.

[15] Patrologiae cursus completus seu bibliotheca universalis, integra, uniformis, commoda, oeconomica, omnium SS. Patrum, doctorum, scriptorumque ecclesiasticorum … Series Graeca in qua prodeunt patres, doctores scriptoresque ecclesiae graecae AS Barnaba ad Photium / By: Migne, J.-P. (Jacques-Paul), S. Basilius Cesarienses Episcopus. Tomus XXX. 1857. - P. 261.

[16]See ibid.

[17]See ibid.

[18] See ibid.

[19] Ibid. P.263.

[20] Works like those of our holy father Basil the Great, Archbishop of Caesarea in Cappadocia. Interpretation of the prophet Isaiah. - M.: Own printing house, 1900. - P. 100.

[21] Weisman A.D.

Greek-Russian dictionary. - St. Petersburg, 1899. - Stlb. 915.

[22] Vasmer M.

Etymological dictionary of the Russian language: in 4 volumes / M. Vasmer. — 4th ed., stereotype. - M.: Astrel, 2004. - T. 1. - P. 109.

[23]Biblical Theological Dictionary / ed. V. Mikhailovsky. - M.: Publishing House of the Holy Vladimir Brotherhood, 1995. - P. 81-84.

[24] Bible Dictionary by B. Getze. - M.: Pastor Goetze Publishing House, 2011. - P. 88.

[25] Brockhaus Biblical Encyclopedia. - M.: Kostyukov, 2009. - P. 203.

[26] Evangelical Dictionary of Biblical Theology. Ed. W. Elwell. - M.: Bible for everyone, 2005. - P. 246-247.

[27] Evangelical Dictionary of Biblical Theology. Ed. W. Elwell. - pp. 246-247.

[28]Dictionary of Biblical Theology. - M.: Kairos, 2003. - P. 225-231.

[29]Symphony of dictionary forms. Dictionary definition. Electronic resource. // URL: https://manuscript-bible.ru/S/D/7061.htm#pa%u0453r%3Dhs%u042Ba (date of access: 03/01/2016).

[30]TheCatholicEncyclopedia.Volume 12. NewYork, 1911.P. 405

[31]Walter Elwelly Philip Camfort

. Large Bible dictionary. — M.: The Bible for everyone. 2007. - P. 311.

[32] Ibid.

[33]LampeG.WH Apatristicgreeklexicon. - P. 1439.

[34] Litvinova L.V.

Pride // Orthodox Encyclopedia, ed. Patriarch of Moscow and All Rus' Kirill. T. 12. - M.: Moscow Patriarchate, 2011. - P. 108.

[35]Vissarion (Nechaev), bishop.

Pride. - St. Petersburg, 1899. — P. 4.

[36] Dictionary of Biblical Theology. - M.: Kairos, 2003. - P. 227.

Pride or immaturity?

One way or another, in a harmonious relationship, both must learn to respect each other and be able to admit mistakes. In my original course of family and sexual psychotherapy, I even have a separate block dedicated to this issue, since this is a necessary base, the foundation for building happy relationships.

Why, by the way, is it really so difficult for many people to ask for forgiveness? And is it true that such people themselves, as a rule, do not know how to forgive?

The ability to forgive

Proud people are unable to ask for forgiveness because they consider themselves perfect, which is why they do not admit it even when making obvious mistakes, they dodge, blame others, change the topic of conversation, get angry, pushing people away from themselves even more.

There are also nuances in the motives for forgiveness. Sometimes people ask forgiveness from another FOR OTHER. This is fundamentally wrong. The true motive must be conscience. You need to ask for forgiveness for YOURSELF. To become cleaner. Clean up. Clear the dirt. Let us remember A.P. Chekhov: “A kind person is ashamed even in front of a dog.” Forgiveness is repentance, first of all, in order to cleanse yourself, and not so that everything quickly becomes the same as before. In psychiatry there is such a thing as lightness of judgment. Lightweight people treat repentance carelessly, superficially, frivolously. For a lightweight person, moral norms and rules are empty words and phrases. Lightness is reduced sincerity, falsity. Such people can break agreements every day and ask for forgiveness every time. Until next day. This can occur, for example, in alcoholics who vow every day to “quit drinking.” Therefore, goal setting, depth and sincerity are important.

Imperfection as a point of growth

Awareness of imperfection provides points of personal growth. If a person understands his imperfection, then he is not so demanding of others. And I am ready to forgive, not formally, but “from the heart.” And this is spiritual growth and the opportunity to build pure relationships, sometimes closing the door to the past, leaving behind resentments, anger, and disappointments. This is such a spiritual bath - purgatory. Renewal, cleansing through repentance. And pride can prevent a person himself from becoming better.

What is the right way to forgive?

If you are going to forgive, then forgive and not reproach. This also needs to be learned. And draw conclusions. Ask yourself: “What can be fixed”?

So what is pride: a feeling or an emotion?

First of all, of course, emotion. You are proud of the achievements of your country, your child, your neighbor. Be proud that through great work you were able to reach the top in creativity and science.

Why not be proud - invested in the desire to be the best and knowledgeable. It is important not to overstep the boundaries between pride and arrogance, not to lose a sense of proportion when your true pride simply develops into arrogance and arrogance.

Being truly proud, you will defend your achievements and try to help your neighbor. Becoming a participant in a big business is also a great success.

But as soon as you become selfish and stop respecting the opinions of others, this is where pride is born. A person imagines himself to be all-knowing, loses his own dignity, values ​​only himself and his achievements.

You need to not only understand this, but also experience it for yourself - as soon as you begin to consider yourself right in everything, stop learning and listening to your interlocutor - misunderstanding is born and justice and Honor are lost.

Forgive without reproaching

For example, couples often come to me after their adultery has been revealed. And it is important not only to be able to repent, not only to learn to forgive completely, not 99 percent, but 100 percent, and besides this, to draw conclusions. Update. For example, instead of further reproach, become better, try, for example, to spend more and better time together. Consider this as a chance to become happier, because it’s not for nothing that they say “If there was happiness, but misfortune would help.” Let us remember, for example, the final scene of the film “Love and Doves,” where the heroine says with love to her confused, repentant and returning husband: “And you know, it’s good that everything turned out this way, now we’ve started going on dates, and that’s it.” We've gotten better." This is wisdom, not foolish pride.

What can't you forgive?

What, in your opinion, cannot be forgiven under any circumstances?

Cold-blooded betrayal, committed repeatedly. Precisely cold-blooded - since we make many mistakes in life in a state of a kind of limited sanity - in anger, in confusion, in fear. Repeatedly - if there was repentance, it was shallow, and did not lead to rethinking, renunciation, actions, results. In my opinion, it is worth giving a chance a maximum of three times. And then either accept it or say goodbye. And the big question is the criteria for betrayal. For some, this is a look, and for some, correspondence, for some, the fact of physical betrayal, and for others, disparaging words behind one’s back. If you consider many things to be betrayal, then you won’t be able to save enough people. Then the problem is no longer in those around you, but in your own picture of the world.

As you have already said, sometimes it turns out that it is useful to forgive adultery. Under what conditions can this be beneficial?

Under conditions, if the crisis shook the couple and this became a point of new growth and development. Even through surgery. Then they say: “There would be no happiness, but misfortune would help.” It all depends on the immunity of the couple. After all, after operations, the weak sometimes also do not survive. Therefore, it is necessary to constantly improve the quality of relationships and the margin of safety. Then in a crisis, with this reserve, there is something to “swim out”. Those who did not take care of the strength of their family boat in time go to the bottom at the slightest storm.

How to learn to admit your mistakes?

Can you give me some practical advice on how to properly admit your mistakes and how to forgive your partner’s mistakes?

You need to understand what is an error, how critical it is and why?

If this is a mistake, admit it immediately, and unconditionally, without any conditions, sometimes setting an example to your partner. You need to be able to decisively move to the bright side, without hesitation.

Under no circumstances should you shift the blame onto others. Answer only for yourself. By placing blame on others or external circumstances, we miss the opportunity to improve.

Don't think about whether they will forgive you. Don't ingratiate yourself. Speak according to your conscience. If they don’t forgive you, it means you’re not your own person, and they’re only willing to accept you “in white.” This is not love or friendship. It's not destiny, it's not destiny.

When admitting mistakes, maintain your dignity. Contrition and repentance are deeper than lamentations.

Remember the rule: “Love the sinner while condemning the sin.” Don't confuse actions and personality. Sometimes there is a difference.

Before you judge, think about whether you yourself are blameless.

There is an opinion that pride is more characteristic of women. They say that from an early age, when a girl is raised to be a princess, to more mature years, a woman is taught that she is special and deserves only the best.

I would not say that this is not inherent in men. Look around. Are there not equally pompous men among the pompous women? They walk like geese and geese, looking arrogantly at those around them.

May a short prayer to humble your pride help you

The Bible contains many true words about humility. In almost every text you can find the exact words speaking about the futility of pride, do not forget that everything will always work out for you if you remember - you are surrounded by good, there is not and cannot be envy around you, remember the power of good, and you you will become invulnerable.

Before starting a new business, remember the words of John of Kronstadt:

“Lord, do not let me dream of myself as being the best of any of the people, but think of myself as the worst of all and not condemn anyone, but judge myself strictly. Amen."

Any business will succeed, you will be perfect in everything, new boundaries will be available to you if you start the day with these words.

Pride is also common in men

As for raising children, it is really important to teach a child from childhood, regardless of gender, that they need to be able to treat others with respect. After all, we are truly all unique. And you can always learn something from others. Sometimes, after all, “the truth speaks through the mouth of a child.” It's important to just have good hearing.

And remember and remind, both yourself and your children, the golden rule of ethics: “treat others the way you would like to be treated.”

Among the proud there are often those who were under-loved or over-loved in childhood - the imbalance gives either a burning desire to gain recognition or the same burning desire to maintain the external flow of compliments to which the child has become accustomed since childhood.

How appropriate is pride in a relationship and how should it be manifested?

If the partner is not a psychopath (this is an android without a soul), and makes mistakes that he is ready to admit - for example, he raises his voice, violates boundaries, shows disrespect, imposes his will, there are elements of physical violence, then a strict “stop, you can’t do that with me” can either improve the relationship if it is still alive, or lead to separation, which is sometimes, in fact, a great success in such cases, because it is better to be divorced than in a cemetery. Therefore, sometimes it is better to evacuate from abuse than to prove that you are not a camel; anyway, they will not hear you and will not believe you. In borderline relationships, it is worth trying to fight for normal ones.

Where does pride come from?

In most cases, pride is the result of improper upbringing. It exists along with inadequate high self-esteem. Parents inspire their daughter or son that she or he is better than others, more worthy, more beautiful. When such a suggestion has a basis, there is nothing wrong with it. If parents turn a blind eye to the child’s shortcomings and do not point them out, an incorrect perception of their capabilities and themselves is formed. Pride also arises in adulthood, but the provocateur is always another person.

On the one hand, pride makes you dependent on other people’s opinions and poisons your personal and social life; on the other hand, it does not allow you to accept real criticism and evaluate your actions. Over time, a person stops developing and degrades.

Signs of behavior

A person blinded by pride behaves as if everyone around him is indebted to him. Main features:

• excellent student syndrome - conviction of correctness, infallibility;
• a sense of personal importance, significance and superiority over other people;
• boasting, constant desire to stand out;
• arrogant attitude towards others;
• unwillingness to take responsibility for one's actions;
• lack of guilt;
• expectation of praise from others;
• intolerance of criticism;
• fiasco due to overestimation of one’s abilities and capabilities;
• self-pity;
• patronizing attitude towards someone;
• humiliation of others;
• refusal of outside help;
• the desire to rise, to become famous in any way;
• judging others for mistakes and mistakes;
• reluctance to share experience, forgive, thank;
• touchiness;
• sarcasm;
• desire to give advice when it is not needed;
• lying to increase one's importance;
• non-recognition of one's own shortcomings.

You can identify a proud person by his behavior. He does not know how to adapt to others, he always bends his line, proves that he is right and his own importance.

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Vanity and arrogance

Vanity breeds pride, and it contributes to the formation of arrogance. Vanity is the desire to gain fame by any means, the need for confirmation of superiority, the desire to hear flattery addressed to oneself. Arrogance is elevating oneself above other people.

It's better to be divorced than in a cemetery

But constantly being offended by everything - that you didn’t get the gift right or didn’t get the idea right - this is the other extreme, and this is no longer pride, but the immaturity of a spoiled child.

What does pride lead to in a relationship?

To alienation, “crooked” relationships. Although some may like it: remember the film “Foundling” with the now household name “Mulya, don’t make me nervous.” To each his own.

Pride interferes with communication. Proud people are stingy with the praise of others, because they believe that “if someone is better, then I am worse.” The win-win system of perceiving the world in the form of synergy and success is not available to them. In relationships, pride provokes gossip, intrigue, a neurotic, painful search - a comparison of who is better.

Advice, even sincere, is perceived by proud people as rejection and even an insult, since they perceive the world in a distorted way.

How to get rid of pride

Remember that you are not the best among people, respect the opinions of others, listen to advice.

You can be proud of yourself for real achievements, but you should always remember that someone will do it better than you.

Do not be at enmity with others, but try to understand them, do not put yourself above others, understand that neither class, nor beliefs, nor level of education will make you higher than others.

Once you stop respecting yourself, you lose respect for others. Forget about vanity and value the opinions of others, be proud of people’s successes and you will be respected.

Pride and compromise

Pride interferes with flexibility and makes it impossible to compromise; proud people have difficulty accepting someone else’s point of view. This is especially disturbing in the family, since it interferes with respect and negotiability.

The favorite game of some women is “Guess how you offended me, and before that I will torment you with my coldness and obscurity” - instead of directly and kindly saying what was unpleasant, and how to fix it, it often begins to irritate men over time. Therefore, it is important to be able to talk and convey your position. Pride often goes hand in hand with destructive resentment.

Is there a difference

To determine how the concepts differ, you need to know the semantic meaning of each word:

1. Pride is a feeling that arises in response to awareness of one’s own merits and self-respect. In addition, she appears for another person who, through his actions and deeds, deserves respect, admiration, and recognition.
2. Pride is a feeling that is formed as a result of inflated self-esteem and inadequate self-acceptance. Closely related to pride, selfishness, egocentrism, and excessive arrogance. Pride arises only in relation to oneself. A person is not able to appreciate the merits of other people.

These concepts differ from each other in the degree of egoism. A proud person notices and highlights his own merits without hurting the feelings of other people, while a proud person does not see anyone worthy around him. From a psychological point of view, pride helps people improve, achieve goals, and set new ones. Pride interferes with this process, because it does not allow one to adequately perceive oneself, problems and the current situation, and leads to personality degradation. A proud person rises above others, without any underlying reason. Main differences:

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Knowing what the difference between the concepts is, you can determine where these qualities come from in a person.

Game: “Guess what I was offended by?”

Pride spoils not only relationships, but also the life of the proud person himself, because proud people cannot accept help and ask for it, because they consider this a mark of imperfection, thereby making their life worse with their own hands.

Proud people can worsen their lives by sometimes choosing a more faded environment in order to “shine” against this background. But this limits growth and makes life less interesting.

Pride is important in understanding and social psychology. Pride is comparing oneself with others and often at the same time belittling others (aggression). For some young people, pride dictates the need to prove their importance, often by crossing out and elevating them above the previous successes of previous generations.