How did the ancient Jews view marriage and affairs?
It was not in vain that the 10 commandments were given to people back in Old Testament times. Of course: the people of Israel were heading to a land inhabited by Baal-worshipping pagans, part of whose ministry was debauchery. The Lord wanted to protect the chosen people from such a fate.
It is curious that the ancient Jews did not interpret this commandment in exactly the same way as we do now. At first they had monogamous marriages, but later men who could afford it for themselves took several wives. In those days, adultery was a relationship with someone else's wife or an engaged woman (and the punishment for this was terrible - the murder of both adulterers by stoning). As for free women and ladies, a man could enter into a relationship with them if it ended in marriage.
Because of this practice, the Jewish Pharisees began to consider women as inferior creatures. They tried to talk to them much less, and on the street - and not to speak at all (even if it was their own wife or daughter). Some especially pious elders got to the point that they constantly walked with their eyes downcast, so as not to defile their own gaze with the sight of “unclean” ladies. There were even incidents, because these devout Pharisees, due to their own walking style, often bumped into walls, or even completely stumbled.
But the Lord did not like this, because he made Eve so that she would become a full-fledged couple, friend and life partner of Adam. Therefore, Christ taught his disciples, explaining what adultery means, no longer so.
Fornication and adultery: differences
Orthodoxy calls fornication a lesser sin compared to adultery. The Church describes it as regular satisfaction of sexual desires that does not affect the sacred marriage union, that is, if the person is single and does not destroy someone else’s family. Here are some examples:
- addiction to vulgar clothing or makeup;
- defiant, frivolous behavior;
- attempts to capture the attention of the opposite sex in order to satisfy one’s ambition;
- promiscuous sexual relations with many partners.
Promiscuous sexual relations
Provocative makeup
Flirting, capturing the attention of the opposite sex
What is adultery?
This is an intimate relationship before marriage, also during marriage, but with another person.
In other words, when the Lord says, “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” it means:
- It is not allowed to have an intimate relationship with your own woman (boyfriend), wife (groom);
- It is not allowed to cheat on your spouse.
In addition, modern holy fathers believe: if a person divorces his legitimate wife (especially if they were married in church), he seems to be letting her go for the sake of adultery, because in 90% of cases she will find another man for herself. And this man is no less vicious, because he, too, will probably enter into new affairs. Well, of course, marriage with a divorced lady is also incorrect, because she already “belongs” to another man, with whom the Lord blessed her marriage.
Sinful acts also include: masturbation, sodomy, fornication (intimate relationships without marriage), debauchery (the extreme word means people who often indulge in intimate entertainment with various partners, and these “unions”, obviously, are not marital).
Are these just physical acts?
No! Evangelist Matthew recorded the words of his own teacher: “Whoever looks at a (stranger’s) lady with desire has already committed adultery with her in his own heart .
Christ was not against communication between the opposite sex (it was not for nothing that among his disciples and supporters were Mary Magdalene and other ladies), but he had a bad attitude towards lust, in other words, the desire to own a lady who did not belong to you.
Yes, if you look at the topic of adultery from this angle, it turns out that there are not enough “physical” cheaters, but there are many real sinners. But this is true. All our failures and misfortunes come from unclean thoughts.
It is for this reason that the church does not approve of very explicit films, films with intimate scenes, and so on. After all, while watching such films, it’s hard to resist and not start daydreaming about an attractive actress or actor... And this is spiritual “dirt” that needs to be washed away from the soul with prayer.
Why is lust unsafe? If a married man or woman begins to look at a stranger with a desired gaze, then he (she) begins to break his own marriage. Nowadays, almost everyone just gets divorced and tries to find someone more attractive, more successful, in a word, “better.” But not enough people manage to do things better than before, because he (she) transfers all his tasks to future affairs, and everything starts over again.
Seventh Commandment. "Thou shalt not commit adultery"
Precisely because intimate intimacy has such a high degree of holiness and purity, violation of the laws governing these relationships leads to maximum “pollution” with very serious consequences.
"Let there be no harlot..."
In Soviet schools, this topic was usually skipped in social studies and biology classes, although gender issues play an extremely important role in our lives - so important that the Torah included them as part of the Ten Commandments.
The seventh commandment is “thou shalt not commit adultery.” To correctly understand its meaning, you need to say a few words about the institution of marriage and intimate relationships between people. How does Judaism feel about this?
Let us immediately note that, unlike, say, Christianity, the Torah does not view intimate relationships between husband and wife as some kind of sad necessity or as a forced concession to the call of the flesh. Vice versa! Not only is there no sin in intimate relationships between spouses, but they give people the opportunity to demonstrate maximum holiness in their lives. To a person far from the Torah, such a statement may seem strange. He was used to associating gender issues with anything but holiness and spirituality. Although I will agree with most people who believe that a happy and harmonious married life is a great blessing.
Jewish tradition claims that the first man (the prototype of all humanity, the “archetype” of people) was initially created not as a same-sex creature, but as a man and a woman at the same time. Only after creation did the Almighty divide Adam into two separate individuals - a man and a woman. The main feature of the marriage union is that the primary unity contained in our nature is restored. And if a husband and wife observe the Jewish laws of family purity, then during their intimacy the maximum possible manifestation of G‑d’s presence occurs. This is an extremely high level of spirituality; Only a few can rise to higher levels today. And, precisely because intimate intimacy has such a high degree of holiness and purity, violation of the laws governing these relationships leads to maximum “pollution” with very serious consequences. It is no coincidence that the sexual sphere has become the source of obscene language in almost all languages. It is enough to change “plus” to “minus”, and the noblest energy given to a person throws him, who does not know how to use this energy, into the abyss of rudeness and vulgarity.
As already mentioned in previous articles, each commandment has, as it were, two ranges of reading: it has a narrow and broad meaning. In a narrow sense, the commandment “thou shalt not commit adultery” means a prohibition of relations between a married woman and a stranger. In this context, its violation is punishable by death for both men and women. “What savagery! - the secular reader will be indignant. - Of course, cheating on your husband is not good and ugly. Treason is betrayal. But the death penalty?..”
Such a person’s imagination pictures what a religious state living according to the laws of Alakha will look like: “It will be purer than Iran!” Given current morals, the line for the scaffold of unfaithful wives and their lovers would stretch for many kilometers. Just look, we would have to announce additional enrollment in executioner schools...
Don't worry. By introducing the death penalty for a number of serious crimes, including adultery, the Torah established extremely strict conditions for its implementation in practice. Even in ancient times, when the Jews had a Supreme Court (Sanedrin), it was possible to send a person to death only if there were two “kosher” witnesses confirming the crime that they saw with their own eyes (!), and the offender was warned in advance immediately before the crime and made it clear that he understood the warning, but was going to act contrary to it.
In practice, the entire scene should look something like this. Having learned about an impending crime, for example, about the intention of a married Jewish woman to cheat on her Jewish husband, witnesses tell her that this carries the death penalty, and receive an answer like: “Yes, I know, but I don’t care!” Then, they are personally present when the prohibited act is committed - not just being in the same dark room with the violators - no, they see everything with their own eyes! (Circumstantial evidence is not suitable for a death sentence.) In addition, witnesses must do everything in their power to prevent an impending crime. Agree, it is difficult to commit adultery while fighting off two persistent witnesses. It is not surprising that it would be very difficult to obtain a death sentence in court for two adulterers. Therefore, the execution spoken of in the Torah in relation to our case has a completely different meaning.
Here, as in many other cases related to the imposition of capital punishment, it is implied that a person is better off dead
than to cause the damage to your soul that adultery leads to.
It's not just about adultery. For example, what do you say if a married woman enters into cohabitation with a stranger with the full knowledge and even consent of her husband? Do such cases happen? There are. So, such a relationship is also considered adultery and also irreversibly harms the soul. The husband's consent does not change anything. He can give her a divorce, but cannot condone such relationships.
A child born from such a forbidden relationship is considered illegitimate (in Hebrew, mamzer
). He is subject to a number of serious restrictions - for example, he cannot marry another Jew unless he is a mamzer (male or female). But on the other hand, the sages said that if a mamzer leads a righteous lifestyle, he can equal the High Priest in spiritual development. As we see, no person is deprived of the possibility of personal perfection, no matter how dark his origins and no matter how terrible the sins of his parents.
Since in ancient times a man could have several wives, the extramarital affair of a married man with an unmarried woman, although prohibited, was not related to the prohibition “thou shalt not commit adultery” and did not entail the death penalty. In this sense, the Torah places stricter demands on a married woman than on a married man. Let's stop at this point. It is known that in Judaism the degree of responsibility is proportional to the spiritual level of a person. But doesn’t this mean that a woman, whom the Torah declares to be endowed with a higher level of responsibility than a man, also stands on a higher level? Indeed, this is exactly what the Oral Torah states. Therefore, men have every reason to complain about gender discrimination. The Torah is more lenient towards them, because it actually believes that in some aspects a man is “closer to a monkey” than a woman.
Let us now consider illicit relations in a broader context. The Torah condemns a number of intimate contacts, each of which has a separate prohibition commandment. Here are some of them.
Prohibition of homosexuality. Until recently, such a relationship was widely considered immoral and was prosecuted by law in many countries. But now the situation has changed. The Israeli judiciary and part of the public, whose opinions are shaped by the media, no longer consider homosexual relations reprehensible.
This is confirmed by a recent ruling by a Tel Aviv court. The partner of an army officer who died of illness received through the court the status of the widow of the deceased and the right to receive a pension.
The emerging trend is absolutely contrary to Jewish morality. The danger lies not only in the fact that a society where unnatural relationships are legalized inevitably loses all moral guidelines. By making such decisions, the court simply discredits itself in the eyes of a significant part of the population: losing confidence in it, people begin to show disrespect for its other decisions.
The expanded concept of the prohibition “thou shalt not commit adultery” also includes the prohibition of incest and cohabitation with close relatives, as well as the prohibition of bestiality.
All of the above options for sexual relations have one important point in common. Public morality has so firmly ingrained in people's consciousness that incest and bestiality are vile and unnatural that many do not even think to ask themselves: what, in fact, is prohibited about them? If tendencies towards such behavior are “programmed” by nature (given, say, in genes), then why do they need to be uprooted by willpower?
And indeed, it is enough to turn to history to see: in former times, such connections were very common among many peoples, including those that were considered the standard of civilization and culture and even became the norm for imitation in subsequent generations - the Greeks and Romans, For example. In some African tribes, traditions of incest and bestiality are still found today. We have already written about how relevant this problem was in ancient times. Two thousand years ago, the Jews had a law that prohibited the sale of a sheep to a non-Jew. Why? - you ask. We answer: in order not to promote bestiality.
Today, when the boundaries of what is permitted are swept away, when the concepts of good and evil, “decent” and “indecent” are hopelessly mixed, when society is ruled, at best, by a universal formula: “do what you want, just don’t bother others, don’t hurt them, troubles and material damage,” try to rationally explain why cohabitation with a goat or sheep is an abomination that should be prohibited. And you will very quickly discover that explaining such a prohibition is no easier, and even more difficult, than justifying, for example, the importance of observing the Jewish Sabbath. Don't be surprised, you just haven't met people to whom you need to prove such things.
Separated from the Torah, all these prohibitions become empty stereotypes, which “progressively-minded intellectuals” so aggressively and successfully fight against. Let us remember that Judaism treats vicious relationships in the same way as a hundred, a thousand, three thousand years ago: it is better to die than to break! The inner essence of a person remains unchanged, and the harmful consequences of the immoral acts that he commits are equally disastrous for his soul, no matter in what era and in what society he lives.
In addition to the prohibition of bestiality “imposed” on the world, Jewish tradition says that any debauchery, any of its manifestations, is bad for a person. The Torah clearly states: “Let there be no harlot among the daughters of Israel, and let there be no fornicator among the sons of Israel.”
(Devarim 23:17).
In marriage, as we have already said, intimate relationships can lead spouses to the heights of spirituality, to maximum harmony. But today, unfortunately, sex has become perhaps the most common means of inflicting severe emotional and mental wounds on oneself and one’s partner. As a psychotherapist, I have to deal with this very often...
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But even marital affairs are not always without sin
Because of modern temperaments, things that almost everyone considers natural and ordinary have not come to be considered sinful. Meanwhile...
- Misogyny, or copulation with one’s own lady in the wrong way, is a sin, and a very serious one at that. This refers to copulation reminiscent of sodomy.
- Oral sex is a sin for which penance must be paid.
- The church also does not welcome touching the secret places of the body of one’s own wife. Moreover, some priests do not even approve of Christ-bearing during Easter, because people can use such seemingly innocent kisses to sinfully touch other people (for example, if godmothers, neighbors, and so on).
- In the end, temptation in a dream, when the demon evokes very voluptuous dreams, is, naturally, not a terrible sin, but it must certainly be mentioned in a prayer of repentance.
Biblical marriage is an alliance of two people for life, sanctified by the Lord. And if one of them shows weakness (for we are all not without sin), he must repent and begin to work on himself. For real marriage is not given for nothing, it is the result of long and careful work. But if you manage to create a harmonious family, it’s worth it! And the Lord will help support you in difficult moments and lead you on the right path.
Are you afraid that the sin of adultery may be about to touch you? The Church can help! In this video you can hear many Orthodox prayers that will protect you from fornication.
Source: tayniymir.com
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Spiritual and physical levels of sin
Adultery is not just physical sexual contact. Intimacy outside the marital bed, like violation of the rest of the Lord’s Commandments, deprives a person of God’s grace, which leads to the collapse of normal life.
Today, “civil marriages” are very common, when people live with each other for some time before entering into a marital union, engaging in sexual relations. The Church calls this behavior fornication, and cites statistics where couples who do not cohabit before marriage are less likely to divorce. The logic here is as follows: the mind, unclouded by physical desire, better sees all facets of a person’s personality, which allows you to soberly evaluate your partner.
Often, the betrayal of one spouse gives rise to the revenge of the second. Women, as a rule, forgive betrayal faster, but they cannot completely forget it.
Tormented by the dilemma of whether to save the family or get a divorce, wives seek consolation on the side. As a result, the family breaks up anyway, as mutual trust is lost.
Children suffer no less from the sin of their parents. The mother, mired in worries, pays little attention to them, and the father may even leave the family. At the same time, the latter often takes the child with him, which further destroys the woman from the inside.
The sin of adultery can cause divorce
Prayers to avoid the temptation of adultery
In order to get rid of temptations, it is customary to pray to Saint Mary of Egypt. The venerable one is asked to help pacify lustful thoughts and strengthen the strength of the spirit:
“Hear the unworthy prayer of us sinners (names), deliver us, reverend mother, from the passions that war on our souls, from all sorrow and adversity, from sudden death and from all evil, at the hour of separation of soul and body, cast away, holy saint, every evil thought and crafty demons, for may our souls be received in peace into a place of light by Christ our Lord, for from him the cleansing of sins, and He is the salvation of our souls, and to Him belongs all glory and honor; and worship with the Father and the Holy Spirit forever and ever. Amen".
It is not for nothing that adultery is one of the deadly sins, because adultery can destroy destinies. In order not to lose God's grace, you must always monitor your thoughts and not let base instincts take over.
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Atonement for sin by an adulterer
The punishment for adultery is great, and no one is protected from it. Often the punishment for the debauchery of parents is borne by their children, not understanding the reasons for the misfortunes that befall them. To gain salvation, first of all, you need to admit your sin to yourself. Having realized guilt, people usually seek reassurance in prayers. It is best to visit the temple and perform the Sacrament of Confession, repenting before God. During the sacred ceremony, a person reconsiders his values, principles, and returns to the righteous path. Having cleansed his soul and enlightened his mind, he begins to see previously unnoticed possibilities.
However, just attending a church service is not enough. Priests recommend going to church every Sunday, making donations, helping the suffering, and giving alms. Selfless help to the poor, orphans or infirm old people will help atone for this terrible sin.
At home, you need to improve family relationships and make sincere apologies. It’s good to increase your time together, pay more attention to your partner, speak kind words to him more often, and confess your love. All this must be sincere and come from a pure heart.
Priests recommend going to church every Sunday
