Everyone sooner or later faces the death of a loved one in their life. This is a difficult loss that just needs to be experienced and, unfortunately, nothing can be fixed. Man cannot prevent death. The only thing he can do is remember the deceased correctly and pray to the Lord so that he ends up in the Kingdom of Heaven and finds peace. How to remember and what to do on days of remembrance for the deceased? We'll talk about this in this article.
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How to celebrate the birthday of the deceased
Some perform memorial rituals on the birthday of the deceased person. Opinions differ regarding the advisability of such an event. Let's try to go deeper into the origins.
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Our ancestors followed traditions more accurately, and they differed significantly from modern rituals. Carrying food to the grave and holding a wake on the day the deceased was born was absolutely wrong. According to religious beliefs, it follows that now the birthday of the soul is considered to be when it left the body. Death is the origin of life, beyond this body, so it was not worth celebrating. Thus, you forcibly disturb the soul and prevent it from finding peace in another world. In addition, it adversely affects the relatives of the deceased. They suffer and do not let go of a loved one from their hearts.
Don't face grief alone
Don’t try to deal with your grief alone - team up with other family members, share your experiences and thoughts, talk through situations, voice what you wanted to tell your dad during his lifetime and didn’t have time. At this difficult moment for the family, you can support each other and express into space everything that hurts and stirs your soul. In addition, the manifestation of love and care from other family members can partially replace the segment that your father occupied in your heart, and will demonstrate that you are not completely orphaned and there are people nearby who love and understand you, do not judge you for anything and fully empathize .
Don’t let feelings of guilt develop, no matter what the reason may be. Even if you quarreled every other day, this does not mean that you did not love him and you should reproach yourself for this. There is no need to delve into the past and look for situations in which you were wrong or too categorical, rude, intolerant - this is life and many situations happen in it for which we are sometimes ashamed later. It is important that you realized this and let it pass through your soul. Ask your father for forgiveness, light a candle for repose in the church and let go of this situation so that it does not destroy your soul.
How do people feel about such commemorations now?
In the modern world, traditions are a little simplified, but there are church recommendations that should not be neglected on the day when the departed was born.
- You are allowed to go to the place of eternal rest and give alms to those in need. It is strictly forbidden to organize feasts and drink alcohol.
- You need to control your emotions, you can bring artificial or fresh flowers, light a candle.
- You should not cry at the grave of the deceased, this can disturb the deceased and force his soul to suffer.
- You can remember your son or daughter, father or mother on any day. There are no restrictions on this, these are close and dear people.
- If we are talking about a less close relationship, then it is best to carry out memorial rites on the designated days of remembrance.
- If a loss occurs to a pregnant woman, then she is allowed to be absent from the funeral ceremony, even if the deceased was her close relative or spouse. Pregnancy is an important and responsible time; you should not be charged with negative emotions. You are allowed to go to the temple later, say a prayer and light a candle for the soul of the deceased.
When thinking about whether it is necessary to somehow celebrate the birthday of the deceased, it is better to follow the beliefs of ancestors and the advice of the church, then you will be able to get reasoned answers to such questions.
Dates of birth according to Orthodox canons
Coincidences in which the day of remembrance (the date of death of the deceased) falls on the date of his birth are rare. But few people know what to do: should they go to the cemetery, visit the grave, or should they gather at home to celebrate such a day. It is necessary to take into account that a person has 3 dates of birth, and each of them symbolizes something different:
- date of birth: at birth, the main thing is the body, thanks to it habits are formed, the thought process occurs, various events happen, this day is considered the person’s birthday;
- baptism: during the sacrament, the rebirth of the Holy Spirit into spiritual life occurs, while a kind of death of a person occurs, but only for an unrighteous life (carnal, sinful), after which it becomes possible to take part in various sacraments of Christianity;
- date of death: in the end, a person is born for the third time during his life, but at the same time the rebirth concerns his soul, it passes into a new form of existence (leaves the body, finds itself in eternity).
This is one of the ways to preserve the trinity, which, first of all, manifests itself in the form of the Holy Trinity (God the Father, God the Son, the Holy Spirit).
Candle for the repose - Holy Saturday
A modern view of going to the grave on the deceased’s birthday
At the moment, society is much more relaxed about commemorations on the day the deceased was born.
- religious people often read funeral prayers in church;
- some invite the clergyman to the burial site and pray with him there, and then invite relatives to dinner;
- They share sweets with friends so that they share the memory of the deceased.
Visiting the grave on this day has become almost a custom and everyone tirelessly follows it. If you can’t visit the churchyard on this day, nothing bad will happen. You can talk to yourself with your soul or through prayer. The most important thing is to remember and honor the memory of dear people.
- What to say to a person whose loved one has died;
- How to remember the deceased on an anniversary;
- Funeral prayers.
A year has passed since death...
They say that time heals and dulls pain, but how long does it take for the pain of loss to become less acute and sensitive? A year has already passed since dad died, and according to church canons, his soul should decide in the next world, and ours should calm down in this. But grief is still just as vivid, and memories stir the soul. The negative moments of your relationship disappear somewhere from your memory, and only the good and bright are remembered.
How many of these moments there were and yet how few! And although dad died a year ago, I still want to bring him back and replay everything. He comes into your dreams alive and well. And in a dream you rejoice that some fatal mistake happened and he turned out to be alive. There you begin to make plans on how to legalize his revival, return his passport and registration - and then you wake up and realize that this is just a dream, and dad will never return. And you get another stress in reality, because the sensations from the dream collided with harsh reality.
We can persist, refusing to believe the obvious. But this won't fix anything. Of course, when dad recently died, the mind understands this, but the soul resists and does not accept such an ending. But as time passes, you begin to realize that this happened and our acceptance or non-acceptance of the situation does not solve anything, but only makes it more painful. And despite the fact that they radically changed their attitude towards life, in a situation where his father died, nothing could be done to help him. But you can try to return to a normal emotional state. After all, it is unlikely that a loving father would want to see his child grieve endlessly.
Correct traditions of commemoration
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How to remember the deceased? On the day the deceased was born, it is better to perform the following rituals:
- order a memorial service in the church;
- light a candle for peace of mind;
- come to the graveyard, controlling emotions, so as not to disturb the soul of the deceased;
- at the burial you can talk to your soul, convey the latest news about the living;
- If you can’t come to the grave, at home you can mentally talk to the deceased and read a prayer.
These are basic actions that not only will not cause harm, but will also be beneficial. They will help pay tribute to the deceased and remind his soul that he is loved and remembered.
Psychics' opinion
According to clairvoyants and people with superpowers, loved ones who have passed on to another world feel calm when they know that everything is fine with us. And at least for the sake of their peace, we must master our feelings and learn to live on, love and rejoice again, smile and sing songs. In a word, curb your emotions and not be killed by the dead, but provide them with eternal good memory and bright memories. At the beginning of this path, it seems that if dad died, then it is shameful and simply impossible to continue to enjoy life. Yes, it is incredibly difficult, but it is possible. And we must strive for this, because life is already short enough to waste it so carelessly.
Prayers for the birthday of the deceased
It is not necessary to read prayers on your own. As mentioned above, you can ask the priest to pray for the soul of the deceased to find peace. After prayer, it is strictly forbidden to organize feasts. This will in no way help the soul of a loved one, but will only disturb and upset. It's better to talk to the deceased. Share plans for the future, talk about the past, share your experiences.
Prayer helps to connect with souls. Our loved ones need help in finding peace, so it is recommended to often read prayers of this kind.
The meaning of prayer and its influence
The souls of people dear to us go to heaven or hell after forty days. It depends on how a person's life was lived. The more a person sinned, the higher the likelihood of falling into the kingdom of shadows. A large role in this distribution is assigned to the prayers of relatives. To protect the soul of a deceased relative, you need to perform a number of rituals, and they will not be limited to one day. Every day in the morning and evening, in addition to reading prayers, you need to perform certain actions:
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- refrain from hypocrisy;
- show kindness and compassion;
- comfort the grief-stricken;
- give forgiveness to enemies;
- It is good to remember the deceased;
- make an offering.
Change your attitude towards the situation
If you realize the need to change your attitude towards the situation, this will already be a step forward. The more of these steps are taken, the lighter it will become on the soul, the more pleasant it will be to feel the diversity of this imperfect, but such a beautiful world. To help those who want to let go of a deceased loved one and give him the opportunity to further advance along the path of perfection in another world, there are various psychological methods and techniques. Their use to calm the grieving person can not only alleviate his suffering, but also provide an incentive for further life.
Prayer for the repose of the deceased
There are many funeral prayers. They are divided by reading time. There are prayers that are customary to read before the expiration of forty days. There are those who read after forty days. There is a type of prayer called akathists - these are prayers that are read for the first nine days after a person’s death. Prayers from the troparion are read for the year.
We recommend that you familiarize yourself with some similar prayers:
This prayer is read before the expiration of forty days.
“Remember, O Lord our God, in the faith and hope of the life of Thy eternal newly departed servant (or Thy handmaid), named, and as good and a lover of mankind, forgiving sins and consuming iniquities, weaken, forgive and forgive all his voluntary and involuntary sins, exonerating him at Thy holy second coming into the communion of Thy eternal blessings, for the sake of the One who has faith in Thee, the true God and Lover of mankind. For You are the resurrection and the life and the rest of Your servant, named Christ our God. And we send glory to You, with Your beginningless Father and with the Most Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages, amen.”
This prayer is read after forty days.
“Remember, O Lord our God, in the faith and hope of the life of Thy eternally departed servant, our brother (name), and as Good and Lover of mankind, forgiving sins and consuming untruths, weaken, forsake and forgive all his voluntary and involuntary sins, deliver him eternal torment and the fire of Gehenna, and grant him the communion and enjoyment of Your eternal good things, prepared for those who love You: even if you sin, do not depart from You, and undoubtedly in the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, Your glorified God in the Trinity, faith, and Unity in Trinity and Trinity in Unity, Orthodox even until his last breath of confession.
Be merciful to him, and faith, even in You instead of deeds, and with Your saints, as You give generous rest: for there is no man who will live and not sin. But You are the One besides all sin, and Your righteousness is righteousness forever, and You are the One God of mercies and generosity, and love for mankind, and to You we send glory to the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, now and ever, and to the ages of ages. Amen."
This prayer is read for a year from the date of death.
“God of spirits and all flesh, having trampled down death and abolished the devil, and given life to Thy world! Himself, Lord, give rest to the souls of your departed servants: your most holy patriarchs, your eminence metropolitans, archbishops and bishops, who served you in the priestly, ecclesiastical and monastic ranks; the creators of this holy temple, the Orthodox forefathers, fathers, brothers and sisters, lying here and everywhere; leaders and warriors who laid down their lives for the faith and fatherland, the faithful, who were killed in internecine warfare, drowned, burned, frozen to death, torn to pieces by beasts, suddenly died without repentance and did not have time to reconcile with the Church and with their enemies; in the frenzy of the mind of those who committed suicide, those for whom we were commanded and asked to pray, for whom there is no one to pray, and the faithful, Christian burial deprived of (the name of the rivers) in a bright place, in a green place, in a place of peace, from where sickness, sadness and sighing can escape . Every sin committed by them in word or deed or thought, as a good Lover of mankind, God forgives, as if there is no man who will live and not sin. For You are the only one besides sin, Your righteousness is righteousness forever, and Your word is truth.”
Talk to loved ones
Talk more often with those who knew dad well, remember him with a kind word. It will be easier for you to live on if you learn to talk about him without tears and sadness, but with light sadness. When such a global and irrevocable event occurs as the death of a loved one, many things begin to be seen in a completely different light and take on a different emotional coloring. You begin to understand how petty and insignificant your quarrels and insults were against the backdrop of such a huge loss, and you feel sorry for the time and nerves spent on this. Forgive the deceased for all insults, visit his grave, ask for forgiveness for wrong behavior or insufficiently kind attitude towards him.
Prayer to a deceased husband
You can help any dead soul with your prayer. The husband is no exception. It is recommended to memorize the words of the prayer. You need to turn to Jesus Christ - he protects husbands.
“Christ Jesus, Lord and Almighty! You are the consolation of the weeping, the intercession of the orphans and widows. You said: call on Me in the day of your sorrow, and I will destroy you. In the days of my sorrow, I run to You and pray to You: do not turn Your face away from me and hear my prayer brought to You with tears. You, Lord, Master of all, have deigned to unite me with one of Your servants, so that we may be one body and one spirit; You gave me this servant as a companion and protector. It was Your good and wise will that you would take this servant of Yours away from me and leave me alone. I bow before Your will and I resort to You in the days of my sorrow: quench my sorrow about separation from Your servant, my friend. Even if you took him away from me, do not take your mercy away from me. Just as you once accepted two mites from widows, so accept this prayer of mine. Remember, Lord, the soul of Your deceased servant (name), forgive him all his sins, voluntary and involuntary, whether in word, or in deed, or in knowledge and ignorance, do not destroy him with his iniquities and do not consign him to eternal torment, but according to Your great mercy and according to the multitude of Thy compassions, weaken and forgive all his sins and commit them with Thy saints, where there is no sickness, no sorrow, no sighing, but endless life. I pray and ask You, Lord, grant that all the days of my life I will not cease to pray for Your departed servant, and even before my departure, ask You, the Judge of the whole world, to forgive all his sins and place him in the Heavenly abodes, which You have prepared for those who love Cha. For even if you sin, do not depart from You, and undoubtedly the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit are Orthodox even to your last breath of confession; impute to him the same faith, even in You, instead of works: for there is no man who will live and not sin, You are the only one besides sin, and Your righteousness is righteousness forever. I believe, Lord, and confess that You will hear my prayer and do not turn Your face away from me. Seeing a widow weeping green, you were merciful, and you brought her son to the grave, carrying her to the grave; How did You open to Your servant Theophilus, who went to You, the doors of Your mercy and forgave him his sins through the prayers of Your Holy Church, heeding the prayers and alms of his wife: here and I pray to You, accept my prayer for Your servant and bring him into eternal life. For You are our hope. You are God, the hedgehog to have mercy and save, and we send glory to You with the Father and the Holy Spirit. Amen."
Should I cry or not?
Many people condemn those relatives who outwardly look calm during the funeral. Who said that their grief is less than that of those who burst into tears? Everyone shows their grief in the way they know how. But at a time when dad has just died, you need to give free rein to your feelings. And the more emotional the outburst of grief, the easier it will be to subsequently let go of your loss. Tears and loud lamentations release negativity and alleviate the condition of the mourner. Every psychologist knows how difficult it is to deal with the grief of those people who have experienced this stress deep inside.
A person cries in situations when he is in pain and mentally distressed. And tears help him cope with stress. Having mourned the deceased properly, it becomes easier to accept his death and let him go to another world, where he will live forever. So tears as a stage are necessary and useful. After a violent manifestation of emotions, it is easier to find calm and pull yourself together.
Prayer to a deceased wife
No one is immune from death, and there are cases when a spouse’s wife dies. When praying for your wife, you should also turn to Jesus Christ.
“Christ Jesus, Lord and Almighty! In contrition and tenderness of my heart, I pray to You: rest, O Lord, the soul of Your departed servant (name), in Your Heavenly Kingdom. Lord Almighty! You blessed the marital union of husband and wife, when you said: it is not good for man to be alone, let us create for him a helper for him. You have sanctified this union in the image of the spiritual union of Christ with the Church. I believe, Lord, and confess that You have blessed me to unite me in this holy union with one of Your handmaids. By your good and wise will you deigned to take away from me this servant of yours, whom you have given to me as a helper and companion of my life. I bow before Your will, and I pray to You with all my heart, accept my prayer for Your servant (name), and forgive her if you sin in word, deed, thought, knowledge and ignorance; Love earthly things more than heavenly things; Even if you care more about the clothing and decoration of your body than about the enlightenment of the clothing of your soul; or even careless about your children; if you upset anyone by word or deed; If there is a grudge in your heart against your neighbor or condemn someone or anything else you have done from such evil people. Forgive her all this, for she is good and philanthropic; for there is no man who will live and not sin. Do not enter into judgment with Thy servant, as Thy creation, do not condemn her to eternal torment for her sin, but have mercy and mercy according to Thy great mercy. I pray and ask You, Lord, to grant me strength throughout the days of my life, without ceasing to pray for Your departed servant, and even until the end of my life to ask her from You, the Judge of the whole world, to forgive her sins. Yes, as if You, God, placed a crown of stone on her head, crowning her here on earth; Thus crown me with Thy eternal glory in Thy Heavenly Kingdom, with all the saints who rejoice there, so that together with them He may forever sing Thy all-holy name with the Father and the Holy Spirit. Amen."
Pleasant memories and words are important for the deceased
If there is an afterlife, then it will be much more pleasant for dad to hear pleasant memories of himself than to feel your inconsolable grief and tears. You should not compare the degree of grief of different family members and assume that your grief is the deepest, while others have it more superficial. No one can read in the souls of people and evaluate spiritual feelings with material concepts and values. It’s better to focus on remembering the deceased easily and in the most partial way, because it’s not for nothing that the saying has been around for many centuries that you can only say good things about the dead or say nothing.
Prayer for the repose of parents
Someday our parents will die, and it will be our duty to take care of their peace of mind. Prayers for parents are read separately. Separately for the mother and separately for the father. The help of children in this situation is invaluable, since their prayers have powerful energy.
Prayer for father
“Lord Jesus Christ our God! You are the keeper of the orphans, the refuge of the grieving and the comforter of the weeping.
I come running to you, an orphan, groaning and crying, and I pray to you: hear my prayer and do not turn your face away from the sighs of my heart and from the tears of my eyes. I pray to You, merciful Lord, satisfy my grief over separation from my parent, (name), who gave birth and raised me, and accept his soul, as if it has gone to You with true faith in You and with firm hope in Your philanthropy and mercy, into Your Kingdom Heavenly.
I bow before Your holy will, which was taken away from me, and I ask You not to take away Your mercy and mercy from him. We know, Lord, that You are the Judge of this world, you punish the sins and wickedness of the fathers in children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren, even to the third and fourth generation: but you also have mercy on the fathers for the prayers and virtues of their children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. With contrition and tenderness of heart, I pray to Thee, merciful Judge, do not punish with eternal punishment the deceased unforgettable servant of Thy parent (name), but forgive him all his sins, voluntary and involuntary, in word and deed, knowledge and ignorance, committed by him in his life here on earth, and according to Your mercy and love for mankind, prayers for the sake of the Most Pure Mother of God and all the saints, have mercy on him and deliver him from eternal torment.
You, merciful Father of fathers and children! Grant me, all the days of my life, until my last breath, not to cease to remember my deceased parent in my prayers, and to beg You, the righteous Judge, to order him in a place of light, in a cool place and in a place of peace, with all the saints , from here all illness, sorrow and sighing have escaped.
Merciful Lord! Accept this day for Thy servant (name) my warm prayer and reward him with Thy reward for the labors and cares of my upbringing in faith and Christian piety, as he taught me first of all to lead Thee, my Lord, to reverently pray to Thee, in Thee alone to place my trust. troubles, sorrows and illnesses and keep Your commandments; for his concern for my spiritual success, for the warmth of the prayer he brings for me before You and for all the gifts he (she) asked me from You, reward him with Your mercy, Your heavenly blessings and joys in Your eternal Kingdom.
For You are the God of mercies and generosity and love for mankind, You are the peace and joy of Your faithful servants, and we send glory to You with the Father and the Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto the ages of ages. Amen."
Prayer for mother
“Lord Jesus Christ our God! You are the keeper of the orphans, the refuge of the grieving and the comforter of the weeping.
I come running to you, an orphan, groaning and crying, and I pray to you: hear my prayer and do not turn your face away from the sighs of my heart and from the tears of my eyes. I pray to You, merciful Lord, satisfy my grief over separation from my mother (name), who gave birth to and raised me, and accept her soul, as if it has gone to You with true faith in You and with firm hope in Your philanthropy and mercy, into the Kingdom Yours Heavenly.
I bow before Your holy will, which was taken away from me, and I ask You not to take away Your mercy and mercy from her. We know, Lord, that You are the Judge of this world, you punish the sins and wickedness of the fathers in children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren, even to the third and fourth generation: but you also have mercy on the fathers for the prayers and virtues of their children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. With contrition and tenderness of heart, I pray to You, merciful Judge, do not punish with eternal punishment Your deceased servant, unforgettable for me, my mother (name), but forgive her all her sins, voluntary and involuntary, in word and deed, knowledge and ignorance, committed by her in her life here on earth, and according to Your mercy and love for mankind, prayers for the sake of the Most Pure Mother of God and all the saints, have mercy on me and deliver me from eternal torment.
You, merciful Father of fathers and children! Grant me, all the days of my life, until my last breath, not to cease to remember my departed mother in my prayers, and to beg You, the righteous Judge, to order me in a bright place, in a cool place and in a place of peace, with all the saints , from here all illness, sorrow and sighing have escaped.
Merciful Lord! Accept this day for Thy servant (name) my warm prayer and reward her with Thy reward for the labors and cares of my upbringing in faith and Christian piety, as she taught me first of all to lead Thee, my Lord, to reverently pray to Thee, in Thee alone to trust in troubles, sorrows and illnesses and keep Your commandments; for her concern for my spiritual success, for the warmth of her prayer for me before You and for all the gifts she asked me from You, reward her with Your mercy, Your heavenly blessings and joys in Your eternal Kingdom.
For You are the God of mercies and generosity and love for mankind, You are the peace and joy of Your faithful servants, and we send glory to You with the Father and the Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto the ages of ages. Amen."
The light of Valaam went out: one of the most famous priests in Russia died
Father Methodius lived a very short (only 60 years), but very bright and completely unusual life. Venko Petrov (the secular name of the future Valaam archimandrite) was born in 1961 in Macedonia, which was then part of Yugoslavia. In childhood and adolescence, he did not intend to pursue a church career, but received the profession of a civil engineer, planned to get married and go to live in Italy. The death of his grandfather Peter changed everything. This is how Father Methodius himself spoke in an interview in 2021 about this turning point in his life.
“My grandfather Peter built two churches in Macedonia. He had eight children, I was the youngest grandson from his eldest daughter. Since childhood, my grandfather took me to services. He was not a priest, but a simple reader in a small rural church, where he worked for 70 years.
My grandfather was honored to know in advance about his impending death. Knowing that he would die at 9 a.m. tomorrow, grandpa called my older brother and asked, “Will you be home at 9 a.m. tomorrow?”
“I will, grandfather,” answered the brother.
“I’m asking you for the second time, will you be there tomorrow at 9 am?” “I will, grandfather,” the brother answered again. “For the third time I ask you, are you sure you will?”... “I will,” answered the brother.
And my brother is a guitarist, he and his friends went on a visit all night, and still didn’t come home.
Grandfather, dying: “Where is the elder brother?” “He’s not there”... “Call the little one then,” that is, me. I went in, kissed his hand, and at his request, cut and shaved his hair. This is considered one of the manifestations of love for elders, as is customary here in Macedonia. I still remember his loving eyes. He put his hand on my heart, began to bless me and began to prophesy what would happen to me, told everything about my future... I then realized that a real prayer book had died in my arms, and that someone should continue his path.”
A few kilometers from Father Methodius’s native village is the monastery of the Great Martyr Nikita, in which several dozen Valaam elders lived before World War II. Now this looks like a clear omen. But the future Father Methodius himself first decided to go to Athos and even received a blessing from the relevant church authorities.
But a woman stood in his way - a nun who was responsible in Thessaloniki for issuing permits to travel to Athos: “A not very pretty sister took my passport and threw it back in my face with the words: “You are not allowed to go to Athos.” Hieromonk P. was indignant: “What are you doing! Archimandrite George blessed him.” And any abbot from Holy Mount Athos has the status of a minister of Greece and is an indisputable authority. And he tells me - we’ll try tomorrow. The next day we go again. Again she sees my passport, a Slav from Macedonia, and again she throws it in my face.”
But when the future father Methodius decided to accept his fate and go to Russia instead of Athos, everything began to work out for him like clockwork. Arriving in Bulgaria, he found a prominent hierarch of the Russian Orthodox Church at the station seeing off a prominent hierarch of the Russian Orthodox Church to Moscow and asked him for help: “He looked at me carefully, asked a couple of questions, took a man from the mourners and told him: “Help him.” It turned out that he entrusted me to the Russian Ambassador to Bulgaria, who gave me a visa and on August 21 I arrived in Moscow.”
The future Father Methodius was well received at the Trinity-Sergius Lavra: “When we arrived at the Lavra, Hieromonk Longin said: “Let’s go to the elder, if he blesses you, you will stay in the Lavra; if not, don’t be offended, look for another place. In our country, no one enters the Lavra without the blessing of Father Kirill (Archimandrite Pavlov).”
I was very worried about what the elder would tell me. I had not yet had time to go into his cell, and from behind the door he immediately said: “Let this Macedonian remain in the Lavra.”
Among those with whom the future Father Methodius became friends in Sergiev Posad was the then steward of the Lavra, Father Pankratiy, who in January 1993 was appointed to the post of abbot of the revived monastery on Valaam: “He immediately invited me to go to the island, then I knew nothing at all about Valaam . We went to Father Cyril for a blessing, and he said: “Let the Macedonian go to Valaam.”
Bishop Pankraty later spoke about the devastation that the two friends found on Valaam: “In the first years on Valaam, in order to call the Patriarch and report something important, you had to climb the bell tower. She was all in black rotten forests. To be honest, it was scary to climb them.
The only telephone in the monastery is a huge black box with an antenna. O was tuning in with some kind of walkie-talkie, it was an old military system that was constantly getting confused. So I climbed up the bell tower and shouted from there: “Your Holiness, bless! It’s from Valaam that they’re bothering you!” And the brothers involuntarily listened to what the Hegumen and the Patriarch were talking about.” In general, I almost never parted with this telephone box.”
Modern, revived Valaam is one of the most well-kept and most beautiful places I have visited during my numerous trips around the world. In my memory, Valaam remains like an island, permeated with a very strong inner light.
I will not try to build a “hierarchy of sources” of this light. But among them there was definitely Father Methodius.
Here is another fragment of his story about his grandfather: “Grandfather Peter loved cats, there could be up to 40 of them in our yard at the same time. Grandma couldn't stand cats. She was very pedantic, clean and did not keep them in the house; she took the cats with a handkerchief and threw them out the window. The cats fell into a huge vineyard, over two hundred meters in area, and then entered the house again.
I remember that after the service my grandfather brought 30-40 guests with him and asked everyone to give them tea and treats. He loved people very much. He had boundless sociability. It seems to me that through his prayers I inherited part of his love for people.”
It didn’t seem like it to you, Father Methodius! It definitely didn’t seem like it to you! As a professional political journalist, I usually know how to determine whose love for people is feigned and who is real. I had never encountered such love for people as Father Methodius had before meeting him.
Sometimes, by the way, this sincere and deep feeling of a person who was born in another country, but became our compatriots, was completely misunderstood. For example, in 2012, Father Methodius became the hero of a “scandalous political chronicle” by publicly kissing Vladimir Putin’s hand. There is no need to explain to those who know Father Methodius that there was not an ounce of kowtowing to the president or anything else bad in this gesture. It is basically impossible to explain this to those who have not met Father Methodius. And I also cannot explain my absolute confidence: in spiritual terms, meeting Father Methodius was one of the main successes that befell my lot in life.
When I said goodbye to Father Methodius last year, I told him about a dream that I used to have with regularity once every few months. Early sunny morning. I'm on a boat that is approaching an island on which a dazzlingly beautiful Orthodox monastery is located. I want to know the name of this island, but I can’t: every time I woke up without knowing the answer. After my visit to Valaam and meeting Father Methodius, I stopped having this dream. Apparently, I found my treasured island. I found it and almost immediately lost it.
Prayer for addressing children
It is a terrible tragedy when parents bury their children. Unfortunately, this happens, and no one is immune from it. The power of prayers depends on parents, because this is the only way they can help their child. You can ask for help and peace for your son and daughter; prayers for this have certain differences.
Prayer for a deceased daughter
“Lord Jesus Christ, our God, Lord of life and death, Comforter of the afflicted! With a contrite and tender heart I run to You and pray to You: remember. Lord, in Thy Kingdom the deceased Thy servant, my child (name), and create for her eternal memory. You, Lord of life and death, have given me this child. It was your good and wise will to take it away from me. Blessed be Thy name, O Lord. I pray to You, Judge of heaven and earth, with Your endless love for us sinners, forgive my deceased child all his sins, voluntary and involuntary, in word, in deed, in knowledge and ignorance. Forgive, O Merciful One, our parental sins as well, so that they may not remain on our children: we know that we have sinned many times before You, many of whom we have not observed, and have not done, as You commanded us. If our deceased child, ours or his own, for the sake of guilt, lived in this life, working for the world and his flesh, and not more than You, the Lord and his God: if you loved the delights of this world, and not more than Your Word and Your commandments, if you surrendered with the pleasures of life, and not more than with contrition for one’s sins, and in intemperance, vigil, fasting and prayer have been consigned to oblivion - I earnestly pray to Thee, forgive, most good Father, all such sins of my child, forgive and weaken, even if you have done other evil in this life . Christ Jesus! You raised up the daughter of Jairus through the faith and prayer of her father. You healed the daughter of the Canaanite wife through faith and the request of her mother: hear my prayer, and do not despise my prayer for my child. Forgive, Lord, forgive all his sins and, having forgiven and cleansed his soul, remove eternal torment and dwell with all Your saints, who have pleased You from the ages, where there is no sickness, no sorrow, no sighing, but endless life: like there is no man like He will live and will not sin, but You are the only One besides all sin: so that when you judge the world, my child will hear Your most beloved voice: come, blessed of My Father, and inherit the Kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world.
For You are the Father of mercies and generosity. You are our life and resurrection, and we send glory to You with the Father and the Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages. Amen."
Prayer for a deceased son
“Lord Jesus Christ, our God, Lord of life and death, Comforter of the afflicted! With a contrite and tender heart I run to You and pray to You: remember. Lord, in Your Kingdom your departed servant, my child (name), and create for her eternal memory. You, Lord of life and death, have given me this child. It was your good and wise will to take it away from me. Blessed be Thy name, O Lord. I pray to You, Judge of heaven and earth, with Your endless love for us sinners, forgive my deceased child all his sins, voluntary and involuntary, in word, in deed, in knowledge and ignorance. Forgive, O Merciful One, our parental sins as well, so that they may not remain on our children: we know that we have sinned many times before You, many of whom we have not observed, and have not done, as You commanded us. If our deceased child, ours or his own, for the sake of guilt, lived in this life, working for the world and his flesh, and not more than You, the Lord and his God: if you loved the delights of this world, and not more than Your Word and Your commandments, if you surrendered with the pleasures of life, and not more than with contrition for one’s sins, and in intemperance, vigil, fasting and prayer have been consigned to oblivion - I earnestly pray to Thee, forgive, most good Father, all such sins of my child, forgive and weaken, even if you have done other evil in this life . Christ Jesus! You raised up the daughter of Jairus through the faith and prayer of her father. You healed the daughter of the Canaanite wife through faith and the request of her mother: hear my prayer, and do not despise my prayer for my child. Forgive, Lord, forgive all his sins and, having forgiven and cleansed his soul, remove eternal torment and dwell with all Your saints, who have pleased You from the ages, where there is no sickness, no sorrow, no sighing, but endless life: like there is no man like He will live and will not sin, but You are the only One besides all sin: so that when you judge the world, my child will hear Your most beloved voice: come, blessed of My Father, and inherit the Kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For You are the Father of mercies and generosity. You are our life and resurrection, and we send glory to You with the Father and the Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages. Amen."
Death is always a tragedy. No one can predict this, much less prevent it. A person can only pray and believe in a wonderful future and the help of the Lord. If misfortune has come to your home, it is important to properly send a dear person on his last journey. Through prayers, help him cleanse his soul from sin and find eternal peace in the Kingdom of Heaven. It is important to learn how to remember the deceased correctly in order not to disturb his soul and not cause suffering. Our actions in the earthly kingdom have a great influence on determining the soul of a loved one, so it is worth doing everything possible to make him feel good in another world.
Harbingers of human death
Death can be different, sometimes it is sudden in the midst of complete well-being, such death is usually sudden, bright and tragic, but there is another death, this is death that quietly creeps up and, as if humbly waiting at the head of its moment, is the death of seriously decrepit old men and women, such a death is of little interest and much less has been written about her than about her first friend.
Sooner or later, we will all have to face death, sometimes we have to face death not in the intensive care unit, which is burning around the clock, but at home, with our family, of course, this is in any case a very difficult event, but you should not completely lose your head, reveling in your experiences , but on the contrary, you should make the last days and hours of your loved one as comfortable as possible, how to recognize the signs that the end is near and help the dying person in these last difficult stages of his journey.
No one can predict when death will occur, but people on duty, often encounter people spending their last days in this world, are well aware of the symptoms of approaching death, the symptoms of the fact that there are only a few days and hours left of a human being.
Loss of appetite
In a gradually fading person, energy needs decrease more and more over time, the person begins to refuse food and drink, or take only small amounts of neutral simple food (for example, porridge). Coarser foods are usually abandoned first. Even once-favorite dishes do not bring the same pleasure. Just before death, some people are simply unable to swallow food.
What to do: do not try to force feed a person, listen to the wishes of the dying person, even if you are deeply upset by his refusal to eat. Periodically offer the dying person pieces of ice, popsicles, or sips of water. Wipe your lips and skin around your mouth with a soft cloth moistened with warm water, treat your lips with hygienic lipstick so that your lips do not dry out, but remain moist and elastic.
Increased fatigue and drowsiness
The dying person can spend most of the day sleeping, since the metabolism fades, and the reduced needs for water and food contribute to dehydration; the dying person wakes up more difficult; weakness reaches such a degree that the person perceives everything around him completely passively.
What to do: let the dying person sleep, do not force him to stay awake, do not disturb him, everything you say he can hear, it is assumed that hearing is preserved even if the person is unconscious, in a coma or other forms of impaired consciousness.
Severe physical exhaustion
A decreasing metabolism produces less and less energy, there is so little of it left that it becomes very difficult for a dying person not only to turn over in bed, but even to turn his head; even taking a sip of liquid through a straw can cause great difficulties for the patient.
What to do: Try to maintain a comfortable position for the patient and assist him if necessary.
Confusion or disorientation
The functional failure of many organs increases, not bypassing the brain, consciousness begins to change, usually, at one speed or another, its depression sets in, the dying person may cease to be aware of where he or she is, who surrounds him, may speak or respond less readily, may communicate with people who are not or cannot be in the room, may speak nonsense, confuse the time, day, year, may lie motionless on the bed, or may become restless and fidget with the bed linen.
What to do: remain calm yourself and try to calm the dying person, speak softly to the person and let him know who is currently at his bedside or when you approach him.
Difficulty breathing, shortness of breath
Respiratory movements become erratic, jerky, a person may experience difficulty breathing, so-called pathological types of breathing may be observed, for example, Cheyne-Stokes breathing - a period of increasing loud respiratory movements followed by decreasing depth, after which a pause (apnea) occurs, lasting from five seconds to minutes, followed by another period of deep, loud, increasing breathing movements. Sometimes excess fluid in the airways creates a loud bubbling sound during breathing movements, sometimes called the "death rattle."
What to do: Prolonged apnea (pause between breathing movements) or loud bubbling sounds can be alarming, however, the dying person may not even be aware of this type of change, focus on ensuring overall comfort, changing positions, for example, placing a back and head under the another pillow, you can give him an elevated position or slightly turn his head to the side, moisten his lips with a damp cloth and treat his lips with chapstick. If a large amount of sputum is released, try to facilitate its removal through the mouth naturally, because artificial suction can only increase its separation, a humidifier in the room can help, in some cases oxygen is prescribed, in any case, remain calm, try to calm the dying person .
Social alienation
As irreversible changes gradually increase in the body, the dying person gradually begins to lose interest in the people around him, the dying person may stop communicating completely, mutter nonsense, stop answering questions, or simply turn away. A few days before completely plunging into oblivion, the dying person may surprise his relatives with an unusual surge of mental activity, again begin to recognize those present, communicate with them, respond to speech addressed to him; this period can last less than an hour, and sometimes even a day .
What to do: in any case, remember that all these are natural manifestations of the dying process and are not at all a reflection of your relationship, maintain physical contact with the dying person, touch, continue to communicate with him if appropriate, and try not to expect any answer from him instead, cherish the episodes of sudden clarity when they happen, as they are almost always fleeting.
Changed urination pattern
The dying person's need for food and fluids decreases, a decrease in blood pressure is part of the dying process (which, due to the latter, does not require constant correction to a normal level, like some other symptoms), urine becomes small, it becomes concentrated - rich brownish, reddish colors, or tea colors. Control over natural functions may subsequently be completely lost during the dying process.
What to do: As directed by medical personnel, a urinary catheter may be inserted to monitor urine flow and facilitate its removal, although this is usually not necessary in the final hours. The onset of kidney failure leads to the accumulation of “toxins” in the circulating blood and contributes to a peaceful coma before death occurs. And, simply, lay down fresh film.
Swelling of the hands and feet
Progressive renal failure leads to the accumulation of fluid in the body, it usually accumulates in tissues located away from the heart, that is, usually in the fatty tissue of the hands and, especially, feet, this gives them a somewhat puffy, swollen appearance.
What to do: usually this no longer requires special measures (prescribing diuretics) since they are part of the dying process, and not its cause.
Coldness of the tips of the fingers and toes
In the hours to minutes before death, peripheral blood vessels constrict in an attempt to maintain circulation to vital organs such as the heart and brain, with a progressive decrease in blood pressure. With spasm of peripheral blood vessels, the extremities (fingers and toes, as well as the hands and feet themselves) become noticeably colder, and the nail beds become pale or bluish.
What to do: At this stage the dying person may already be unconscious, otherwise a warm blanket may help maintain comfort; the person may complain of the weight of the blanket covering their legs, so free them as much as possible.
Skin spots
On the skin, which was previously uniformly pale, clearly visible variegation and spots of a purple, reddish, or bluish tint appear - one of the final signs of imminent death - the result of circulatory disorders in the microvasculature (venules, arterioles, capillaries), often such spotting is first detected on the feet.
What to do: no special actions need to be taken.
The described symptoms are the most common signs of approaching natural death; they can vary in the order of occurrence and be observed in different combinations in different people, when the patient is in the intensive care unit, under artificial ventilation, and in a multicomponent intensive drug therapy process. While dying may be completely different, the process of natural death is outlined here.
