Narcissism is a personal trait that determines a person’s tendency to admire himself (this means both external appearance and internal qualities, virtues, achievements and any other manifestations in the external world and social interaction).
The personality quality of narcissism is inherent to all people to varying degrees; it only has different expressions, which in turn is not a constant and can manifest itself in different periods of life in relation to different qualities and to varying degrees. It is important to note that the concept of narcissism always reflects a process of internal involvement or external manifestation, while self-love (erroneously used as a synonymous term) characterizes one of the constant indicators of self-esteem.
Narcissism - psychology
Jealous comparison of oneself with others begins. These can be not only real people, but also heroes of books or films.
When such a comparison plays in someone else’s favor, the person feels, to put it mildly, discomfort. However, it is impossible to be the first in all respects. Awareness of this fact may not bring joyful emotions.
As a result, another individual goes into a fictional world, where he sees himself as a superhero in all respects.
Moreover: he begins to think of himself in the third person. This condition is quite dangerous. This is not at all the same as trying to look at yourself from the outside. When a person is captive of narcissism, he does not see and does not want to notice his real personality - instead he contemplates a fictitious image. Sometimes this leads to loss of contact with oneself.
Annoying syndrome
A little success or insignificant help to someone - and the person gets carried away. He is delighted with himself - so good, smart and generally wonderful in all respects.
But such an attitude can play a cruel joke. If you get carried away by narcissism, then in work, for example, it is not difficult to make a mistake, sometimes literally out of the blue.
A miss in this case is sobering—like a bucket of cold water thrown over your head.
While doing something, another person does not think about the work he is doing - he admires himself, admires the result in advance.
For example, a not very outstanding actor, while playing in a play, is busy thinking about his own genius. Creating the image of the hero fades into the background. The audience senses this and is annoyed by this manner.
Self-indulgence can be present in any activity, but the result always suffers.
A person sometimes gets offended by others if they do not consider him something out of the ordinary. It is possible that constant narcissism can transform into a very unpleasant “unrecognized genius syndrome.”
At the same time, another individual does not care that there are almost no real achievements. Like, he could do a lot “if only”. Other people are necessarily to blame for his failure.
Admitting your involvement in the problem is beyond your strength.
Running from pain
Narcissism is a withdrawal from both reality and oneself. Why a person avoids and is even afraid to see his personality in its true light is not an idle question. There are always reasons for such behavior.
Perhaps there was some kind of psychological trauma. Escaping reality is seen as getting rid of pain. However, this does not solve the problems. In each specific case, it is necessary to understand the root cause.
Sometimes admiring oneself and one’s imaginary merits is so captivating that a person ceases to adequately perceive his own personality. What is especially sad is that he begins to sincerely believe in such fantasies.
The further you go, the more difficult it is to dissuade them. Illusions about oneself drag in like a swamp. And I no longer really want to see myself in my true light.
Personal and professional growth in this case is completely forgotten.
Mindfulness versus Illusions
Prevention of narcissism is the ability to be yourself. It is possible to learn this, although it is not always easy. Restoring contact with your inner world requires considerable effort and even courage. This activity may seem too boring to some. Sometimes it’s simply scary to see your real self - after all, disappointment can be quite painful.
It is commendable to strive for greater achievements, but at the same time we must not forget about our current level. Everyone has abilities that require development and improvement. Another thing is that efforts need to be directed in the right direction. There is no point in a football player lamenting that he is not a musician, or an artist lamenting that he was not born an astronaut.
It is difficult to remain mindful and aware of your own thoughts and feelings. It's easy to lose control over them.
After all, there are often “well-wishers” who are not averse to pointing out what you should feel and think about. The ability to remain oneself in such a situation is a sign of a certain maturity of the individual.
Mindfulness is not cultivated overnight; it will take time and effort. But the more valuable the result.
Source:
Narcissism: 15 Traits and Signs
pride
Narcissism or self-love is the cult, worship, and excessive love of oneself, according to the dictionary. In a strict sense, ego comes from Latin and Greek, and means Self.
On the other hand, latría (also derived from these languages) refers to a cult and/or for worship. That is, narcissism is a cult and worship of oneself.
Thus, selfish people are those who feel high importance for themselves, hoping that the response from others will be exactly the same. It should be noted that this is not the same person as a person with good self-esteem. These are different concepts and what we will see later.
Pathology from narcissism - narcissistic personality disorder, according to research. This diagnosis describes people who show a predominant pattern of grandiosity, who have a need for admiration from others and, in addition, a noticeable lack of empathy (the ability to put oneself in another's shoes and determine what he is feeling and thinking).
This disease has serious consequences for the people who suffer from it because it occurs on both a personal and societal level.
Any person can suffer, throughout his life, a certain behavior or narcissistic tendency at a certain point in time or under certain conditions. The problem is real when a person's individuality is formed in this way and leads to great shrinkage in social relationships.
This type of person usually does not accept sociality, and thus they see their support dwindling. Although it should be noted that various historical figures have been described as people who are prone to narcissism, as Joseph Stalin and Napoleon Bonaparte can be.
On the other hand, it is important to note the fact that many of these people who have their own characteristics of narcissism have not been identified as such people. In fact, such people may exhibit pleasant and even submissive behavior.
1 - Selfish people believe that they do everything better than anyone else.
This fact can give rise to huge conflicts with other people who want to impose their own judgments, regardless of what others think or feel. Thus, low levels or lack of empathy are revealed.
In addition, lack of compromise is equated with loss. That is, if someone does not act in a way that is “right” for them, they feel that the other is a violator of social obligations.
2 - Must be the center of attention
It is characteristic of people who are prone to narcissism that in any social gathering, or conversation, whether for leisure or work, they must be the center of attention, and in addition must be the center of admiration for others.
This is a mechanism they use to test themselves. Feeling that they are treated with interest and importance, they see their position strengthened.
3 - Avoid contact with everyone who checks on them
Related to the previous point, it is also common that selfish people tend to create attachment links with those people who reinforce their image of successful people. In addition, they avoid contact with people who check them or question those things that are presumed.
4 - You need to be constantly recognized
They need recognition for everything they do and have a constant need for approval. They must feed their ego through the flattery of others. Through compliments and recognition.
As we have seen, people who are the opposite of narcissism have high self-esteem. The main difference is that they do not need social recognition.
They are happy with themselves and the fact that they have their own way of communicating. People with high self-esteem do not need social recognition to feel good about themselves or to bolster their self-esteem.
5 - Have a tendency to compare
They need to feel that their income is greater than others, and their property is better. As we can see, in these characteristics it is very important for them to feel superior to others, and this happens with the profit of the property.
6 - Show self-defense
Always measuring and comparing themselves to others. By constantly comparing themselves, they can cause themselves great anxiety and disappointment when they do not feel superior to others.
Additionally, when they get angry, they assume a false attitude of much greater magnitude than the situation actually deserves.
7 - In many cases, the success of selfish people goes hand in hand with the bad relationships of loved ones
Again, we see low or no empathy present. A person with ego characteristics will, if the situation requires it, humiliate those who have the same goal.
8 - Neglects social relationships
Selfish people tend to forget that social relationships, as well as friendship, are two-way processes, and in order to preserve them, they need to show the interest and support of those people who surround them.
This means that instead of looking for their own shortcomings, as a rule they look for and find them in others.
This reason is further adding to the problems in fulfilling social relationships.
10 - Are artificial in social relationships
That is, they strive to contact someone to achieve a goal, to receive the necessary support. Thus, these relationships tend to be superficial with a distinct lack of emotion.
11 – Problems often arise in perceiving reality
Because of their tendency to distort reality in order to approximate what they really want to happen and what is not what is actually taking place, they may suffer from problems making a rational analysis of a situation.
12 – I hate being the target of criticism
So idealized in their own eyes that they are unable to listen to their weaknesses because they do not accept what others have to say.
13 – These people have a tendency towards exhibitionism
For this type of people, it is important to brag and demonstrate all their achievements. Showing off all their material possessions which enhances their personal image as well as their social status. In fact, those who feel more comfortable talking about material goods and money.
14 – They are proud, creating envy and jealousy
They feel good about themselves, generating feelings from others and loved ones, such as envy and jealousy towards them. Thus, by evoking such feelings, they look more superior than others, developing a self-perception.
15 - Feel special
They believe that they are special people, and that for this reason they do not understand others. The only people who can understand them are those who are at their same level, or rather belong to their same status.
Possible source of narcissism
There are various explanations that suggest the origins of narcissism and will undoubtedly vary depending on the person and the context.
From these explanations it follows that this type of behavior depends on the education that a person received from early childhood.
Typically, parents and caregivers of people who have developed this personality type have adopted a constraint-based style of education. Also common are a lack of boundaries and inoculation of feelings such as pride and arrogance.
In relation to this theory, we are aware that narcissism is a kind of early warning mechanism for people who are not meeting their emotional needs. Even there may be some kind of mental illness.
Social theory tells us that narcissism can be understood as a reflection of the society in which we live, in which everything that is materially and constantly measured by achievements is played out, from the very beginning of human development.
Source: https://obu4ayka.ru/bez-rubriki/samolyubovanie-psihologiya.html
How to resist sins
No matter how hard a person tries, he will not be able to go through his path without a single sin. Nevertheless, it is within the power of every Christian to try to follow the will of the Lord, to pray for guidance on the true path and the granting of forgiveness for weaknesses and vices.
It is important to cultivate in your soul a feeling of gratitude to the Creator for all blessings. Be content with little, maintain honor and fidelity in marriage, know moderation in food consumption, observe fasts, and do not make the achievement of wealth an end in itself. Appreciate what has been achieved and given, do not envy the benefits of your neighbor.
Our Lord is merciful and, as children of God, is ready to forgive those who stumble and are captured by sinful passions. A person’s task in this case is not to rely on a casually thrown phrase: “Lord, forgive me,” but to atone for sins, read sincere prayers, adhere to a righteous course and strive for unity with the Creator.
Self-admiration - what is it and is it a sin?
Narcissism is a personal trait that determines a person’s tendency to admire himself (this means both external appearance and internal qualities, virtues, achievements and any other manifestations in the external world and social interaction).
The personality quality of narcissism is inherent to all people to varying degrees; it only has different expressions, which in turn is not a constant and can manifest itself in different periods of life in relation to different qualities and to varying degrees.
It is important to note that the concept of narcissism always reflects a process of internal involvement or external manifestation, while self-love (erroneously used as a synonymous term) characterizes one of the constant indicators of self-esteem.
Once again about the sins of pride and self-indulgence
Self-love, according to the Right Reverend Theophan, is the seed of all moral evil lying at the bottom of the human heart, and reveals “with all the horde of passions of the smoldering carnal man.”
Self-love is the cause of human sin; it is one of the main passions. “Where does passion come from? - asks Saint Theophan and answers: - Not a single person is born with a certain passion.
Each of us comes into this light only with the seed of all passions - self-love.
This seed then develops with life and free activity, grows and opens into a large tree, which with its branches covers all our sinfulness or the entire area of sins, because every sin is certainly already hiding under it or hanging on some of its branches.”
Every person has a similar tree of sin: the only difference is that one side of it is more fully revealed, and the other - the other. Self-love is the root from which the main trunks of the sinful tree grow.
Just as in a tree the main trunks send out many branches and shoots, so in a sinner “a whole tree of evil is formed, which, taking root in the heart, then spreads throughout our entire being, goes out and covers everything that surrounds us.”
From pride grow: pride, love of money and lust. From these main trunks of the sinful tree come branches: vanity, envy, hatred, anger, despondency, lust, which already give rise to countless passions and vicious inclinations.
Sinners experience many sorrows and sorrows in life, the source of which is the same offended pride. Self-love distorts kindred feelings between people, suppresses brotherly love and a peaceful mood in human society.
“People with the characters of the old man live together,” writes Bishop Theophan, “and each only wants and seeks to establish his own well-being. Why are clashes inevitable, from which irritation and all the passions and matters of hostility between people generated by it?
Their basis lies in the self.”
A self-loving person cannot live happily on earth, because he worries only about his own good and “neglects about others, harms himself and acts against himself.”
Another root cause of all passions, according to the teachings of Bishop Theophan, as if their worst mother, is self-indulgence.
“Self-indulgence is the disposition of the soul, according to which it does everything only to please itself, contrary to the demands of conscience and the suggestions of the fear of God.”
A Christian must strive to eradicate self-indulgence, because it not only supports, but also gives rise to everything unclean. Self-indulgence mostly manifests itself in the form of carnal or mental passions and inclinations.
Source: https://kalendar-ufa.ru/o-duhovnom/greh-samolyubiya.html
Excursion into history
The classification of the seven sins appeared in 590. The author was Saint Gregory the Great. In fact, there are many varieties of bad deeds, and the number “seven” indicates the number of main groups into which sins are conventionally grouped.
At the same time, the Church put forward a theory about eight sinful human passions:
- Gluttony.
- Adultery.
- Love of money.
- Anger.
- Sadness.
- Dejection.
- Vanity.
- Pride.
The concepts of sin and temptation were differentiated. Desire in itself was not equated with sin. A Christian who allowed himself to think about an evil act was not deprived of the opportunity to find peace in the Kingdom of Heaven. Sin is not resisting temptation, giving in. The desire for a tasty meal was not blameworthy, but a constant habit that turned into an addiction could already push a person to sin. By sadness was meant grumbling against the Lord God, distrust of his will. Pride manifested itself in a feeling of superiority over loved ones.
Passion was a habit, a repetition of the same sins. Subsequently, it became an integral quality of the soul, bringing suffering. Translated from Church Slavonic, “passion” means precisely suffering. This is the trigger that pushes a person to the fall. It is through passion that the evil one tests vulnerable Christian souls.
In the Middle Ages, the philosopher and theologian Thomas Aquinas in his writings also adhered to the theory of seven sins, changing only their sequence. The teacher of the Church attributed vice to character, and believed that sin surpasses vice in evil.
Definition of self-love: good or bad, who is a self-loving person?
One of the Orthodox commandments says: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Everyone understands what is meant by self-love in their own way. However, there are boundaries within which self-love is an excellent motivator for self-improvement, and when going beyond conventional boundaries, a person risks becoming a narcissistic egoist.
Heightened self-esteem
The meaning of self-love
Self-love is an overestimation of one’s own capabilities and at the same time inflated demands on others in matters of expressing one’s own opinion regarding a self-loving person.
Is there any benefit to self-love?
Black color in psychology - what it means for women and men who like
Everything is good in moderation. The same goes for your attitude towards yourself.
A person must love himself, otherwise he will not have an incentive to develop, increase his level of education, provide himself with quality food, timely medical examinations, and develop his body.
Only with self-esteem can you defend your interests in disputes, occupy a leading position in a team, and have an opinion that is significant for others. This is precisely the meaning that should be inherent in self-love: the desire to become an authority for others, to take a responsible approach to any work, to put effort into self-discipline.
Attention! Healthy pride borders on boorish narcissism, which destroys everything good that is in character, erases the lines of good and evil in relationships between people, and turns a person into a forced loner.
Inadequate overestimation of one’s abilities becomes the cause of a distorted perception of one’s position in society. Individuals who “crown” themselves become a laughing stock for others, without realizing it.
They can be recognized by their arrogant look and specific gait.
They not only want to have the best, but also undeservedly consider themselves to be successful in everything, even when they have absolutely no knowledge of the subject area.
Braggart
The difference between self-love and self-esteem
Dissonance - what does it mean?
When assessing self-esteem, deciding whether it is good or bad, you first need to be able to distinguish it from self-esteem.
In contrast to excessive pride, a self-respecting person will never allow himself to offend his interlocutor or deprive another of anything in the pursuit of satisfying his desires.
At the same time, self-respect is a reason to defend one’s interests in a dispute, not to allow others to neglect private opinion and take oneself lightly. A self-respecting person will not pass off the thoughts of sages as his own; he will be able to formulate his own conclusions with dignity.
What does a proud person mean - he is not just an egoist who concentrates on his desires. This is a person who considers himself the center of the World. With such conceit, it is difficult to build relationships with the opposite sex, much less create a family.
As a rule, these are lonely people.
However, they also have unions, but in this case the other half also has mental disorders and takes pleasure in the fact that they are constantly psychologically suppressed by their partner and live in endless humiliation.
Sick or wounded pride
Harmony - what does it mean?
Sick pride - what is it, is it possible to learn to cope with it? Psychologists agree that this is possible only after recognizing the presence of a problem.
Wounded self-esteem does not allow its owner to adequately perceive criticism even from close relatives.
Any attempt to make even the most diplomatic remark to a proud person turns into an explosion of anger on his part, insults and ends in an interruption of the dialogue.
Important! There is such a thing as “excellent student syndrome,” which begins during school years in children whose parents place high demands on their academic performance. Accustoming from an early age to the fact that living correctly means doing everything only “excellently,” students become unprepared for the defeats and failures that inevitably await them in adulthood.
Excellent student syndrome
When talking about what self-esteem is, first of all, we mean defining the self-esteem of a person with an unhealthy perception of disapproval from the environment.
Especially such people keenly perceive comments or advice from a person significant in society, just as they react most vividly to praise from such a person.
Praise from a well-deserved authority in a team is a source of nourishment for a proud person.
Hurt pride
A proud person is a person who is very easily deeply wounded even by an inoffensive word. Hurt pride can become a weapon in the hands of a competent manipulator.
Some managers deliberately hurt the pride of their subordinates, which means for them an unacceptable failure, from which they can only recover by surpassing themselves.
Thus, in some teams the level of labor productivity is increased.
Important! In such conversations, department heads do not insult or reprimand vain employees for their poor performance; this is achieved with the help of subtle psychological comparisons and hints that indirectly elevate competitors over the subjects.
The easiest way is to hurt the self-esteem of a narcissistic newcomer; this condition is aggravated due to the already increased level of tension associated with the new environment and a strange team. Psychologists do not recommend arranging strength tests for newly arrived employees until their professional probationary period has expired, since such an attitude can leave the organization without valuable personnel.
Male and female pride
Men and women have completely different life values. This means that the gender division of self-esteem should not be overlooked.
Men are less focused on their appearance than women. They seek satisfaction and self-realization in business, status, car brand and general image. Therefore, their self-esteem can be hurt by:
- comparison of his position with the status of a competitor;
- an unloved neighbor purchasing a more presentable car;
- his woman's intense attention directed at a younger or more daring man.
Attention! The appearance of his woman also matters, since in male circles it gives rise to discussions on this topic and inevitable assessments from competitors.
Women, on the contrary, are obsessed with their appearance, in particular, with details.
A proud girl is one who will not allow herself to leave the house with the slightest defect in her manicure, an insufficiently even complexion, or a hint of a mismatch in the color of her accessories and clothes.
All this is important not only in order to feel confident and ensure satisfaction with narcissism, but also so that others do not have a reason to prick her, pointing out the imperfection of her appearance.
Impeccable appearance
Quite a lot of girls, precisely because of sick pride, go to plastic surgeons under the knife, correcting their body in order to feel more confident. After there are no places left in the girl that are imperfect in her opinion, she changes her gait to a confident one, her gaze becomes arrogant. She does not consider other representatives of the fairer sex worthy of male attention.
