Home » How not to judge others and how to understand whether I am judging or not
Judge not, lest ye be judged, for with the same judgment that ye judge, ye shall be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not feel the plank in your own eye? Or how will you say to your brother: “Let me take the speck out of your eye,” but behold, there is a beam in your eye?
(Gospel of Matthew, chapter 7, verse 1)
This question is very interesting, as it helps a person understand himself. The word “condemn” can mean completely different things in the understanding of different people. Let's figure out together which meaning of this word is more true.
The root of the word “condemn” is derived from the word “court.” Related words are judge , reason , reprehensible , discuss . If we perceive judging as wrong (who gave us the authority to judge someone?), then we see reasoning as a completely natural and even necessary thing. This is reprehensible, of course, not fair, since this is a trial before trial, bias and distortion. And a discussion is a conversation with someone, an exchange of opinions.
What distinguishes condemnation from discussion and other related concepts?
Firstly, the place where the process takes place.
A discussion involves two or more people; it is essentially a conversation with someone about some topic. The topic could be the behavior of a specific person. And then this discussion can become very similar to condemnation and, word by word, actually lead to it.
Judgment is a thought process that ends with a conclusion (something like a diagnosis). For example, “this person is honest and decent,” “this woman is stupid and rude,” or “this child is spoiled.” If we voice this result to someone, the essence does not change; this is no longer a judgment, but a condemnation.
You can also judge yourself. For example, trying to understand your self-esteem, whether it is high, low, or “normal.”
Is it possible to judge people?
In my deep conviction, no. This harms both the person who is judging and those who somehow feel that we have judged someone. Another thing is that only holy people are capable of not judging at all, and for us to get to this state of soul is, let’s say, not easy
Why can't you judge other people? How does this condemnation harm us?
A person’s conscience is very well constructed - it is designed to help him find the safest and best paths in life. By condemning those over whom no one appointed us to judge, we are rudely interfering with the voice of conscience. And those good signals that she is trying to convey to us begin to come with distortions.
For example, a neighbor talked about how another neighbor beat her child. The story was vivid, emotional, I was imbued with it and thought: “How is this possible? This is a child, not an adult, he cannot answer, he cannot stand up for himself, other methods could have been found, the parents are to blame for everything, it is their omission that he did something there..." and so on and so forth . The essence of all these emotional reactions boils down to one thing: “that neighbor is wrong, she is cruel to the child.” Some time passes, I forget about this incident, but it hangs in the subconscious (the memory is there, the information is just put aside somewhere further than daily thoughts). And at some point, my child’s behavior pisses me off. My child is older, I don’t hit him as a punishment, there seems to be no connection with that incident. But the voice of conscience lingers, it doesn’t seem to signal anything to me, I shouted at my child in anger, blaming him so much that he experienced the same feelings as that beaten neighbor. Later, I begin to distinguish signals from my conscience and see that I was wrong to succumb to anger. But the thought that I am no better than that neighbor does not occur to me or comes very late.
Conscience is somewhat similar to a sage - an old man. She will not argue with us, prove to us that we are right or wrong. When we boldly declare something, she simply stops talking to us. What can you talk about with a categorical know-it-all? Pointless argument. She will just wait until we stop saying something and then she will tell us something very useful and correct. When we condemn a person, we are quite categorical and to some extent act impudently, because we have not been in the shoes of this person, we do not know all the subtleties, we do not understand what is going on in his mind, in his home, in his environment... We We don’t know how much mental strength he has to control himself, life experience that helps him choose the best, etc. and so on. By declaring that a person is bad in some way, we act like a judge who has not read all the documents in the accused’s case. We are self-justified by the fact that the bad seems obvious. And it seems very plausible.
How not to judge others and what to think about actions that are clearly evil?
Many people believe that they can stop judging by finding an excuse for the “accused.” For example, in the above-mentioned case with a neighbor, you can decide that that woman has a difficult nervous work or that she herself was raised that way and for her to spank a child is the norm, maybe that young bully did something very nasty and “asked for it”...
On the one hand, it really helps to stop judging and not succumb to the first thoughts “How is this possible?!” and “He’s just a villain/villain!”, contrasting them with exculpatory ones.
But, on the other hand, this is already an internal struggle - some thoughts pull to the left, others to the right, there is a revolution in the head and there is no peace for the soul
Therefore, I take the complete absence of evaluation as a guide to the correct reaction. What does it mean?
Let's return to our example with the neighbor's beaten child. I was just told this news, it was emotional and impressionable. The news goes through four filters:
- Does this concern me personally?
- Does this threaten my loved ones, friends, people important to me, for whom I am responsible?
- Will I interfere in this situation?
- Will my thinking and talking about this topic make me or someone else better?
If the news passes these filtering questions successfully, receiving at least one “yes” answer, I really need to think about it all and come to some conclusions.
If the answer to all questions is “no” or “I don’t know,” my active reaction will simply be emotional outbursts, bringing nothing but spiritual emptiness and anxiety.
This will be exactly the state in which the wise old man of conscience will not want to deal with me until I get it all out of my head, calm down and can hear something. In order not to enter such a state, it is better not to give in to the first thoughts that pop up, remain calm and take your time a little. You can react emotionally a little later, right? We’re not going to run right now to punish a cruel neighbor for assault... (even if you’re going to do this, take your time, think about your actions
