The commandment “Do not judge.” What is it really about?

Don't judge: How to avoid judging others? 15 June 2021, 00:00 | Katya Kozhevnikova

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Easier said than done. This is how we are designed: we observe, critically evaluate the actions of others and make our verdict. Sometimes out loud, sometimes in my thoughts. To completely get rid of this habit, one must perhaps become a Buddhist monk and reach a new level of enlightenment. But even in our hectic life, it is worth controlling the habit of judging others.

Let's be honest: it feels good to judge others. After all, in this way we please our own self-esteem, as if rising a step above our “victims”. So we cherish evil thoughts in our heads about impolite passers-by, a stupid employee, or a tastelessly dressed acquaintance. And sometimes we are happy to share them with others. So why is it bad if self-esteem and mood improve?

Firstly, evil thoughts and negative emotions sooner or later make us unhappy. Secondly, you can lose friends and good acquaintances this way: those around you try to avoid people with overly critical thinking. And finally, constantly judging those around us, we ourselves begin to fear condemnation like fire. And this fear greatly limits our freedom.

To control your critical thoughts, you first need to learn how to track them and analyze why you need them. Carl Gustav Jung wrote: “Everything that irritates us in other people can lead us to understanding ourselves.” If you often and happily judge others, it’s worth thinking about what is behind this? Maybe an attempt to assert oneself, envy or other negative emotions? Or maybe the fact is that you cannot forgive yourself for some old mistakes?

Some considerations will help stop the flow of critical thoughts.

We don't judge by ourselves

One of my friends, talking about some not very plausible act of her friends, remarked: “I can condemn them, because I know for sure that in such a situation I would have acted differently.” This is a common mistake among home-grown “judges.” We take our views and principles as a standard and measure everyone around us with this standard. But all people are different, and those around them are not at all obliged to profess the same principles of life. We have different upbringings, different characters and different life experiences. So why do we judge others when looking at them from our bell tower?

People and mannequins

Our condemnation of others is often due to the fact that we perceive them as very primitive images, without trying to see the real person behind them. It’s easier to apply labels this way: in your thoughts, call a guy running past a boor, and call your boss a tyrant. And if you see a person behind these labels and think about what caused his action, judging is no longer so fun and pleasant.

Once in the parking lot, my husband and I watched a car that could not get into a parking space. “I bet there’s a woman driving!” – the husband said with the usual irony. And when a confused middle-aged lady actually got out of the car, her husband was imbued with sympathy and went to help her with parking. Because we usually condemn soulless dummies. Once you see real people behind them, then sympathy and the desire to help take precedence over negative emotions.

Sources of irritation

And yet, there will always be people in the world whose behavior annoys us and whose actions cause condemnation. We were brought up too differently, our ideas about “what is good and what is bad” were formed too differently. It is best to exclude them from your social circle if possible. Then there will be no one to condemn. Life is too short to waste it on people we don't like. Or to condemn such people.

Do you often catch yourself thinking critically about others?

By the way…

Tested: the more positive emotions we experience, the less we want to judge others. Try to give yourself moments of joy more often.


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Katya Kozhevnikova , iledebeaute.ru

The commandment “Do not judge”

Literally, the commandment about condemnation actually sounds like this: “Do not judge, lest you be judged.” It came from the New Testament, and Jesus Christ gave it.

More often than not, this commandment is understood in the sense that one must not think or speak badly about anyone (that is why in “colloquial speech” it was renamed: “do not judge”). Although its meaning is even deeper: it is important not to judge anyone at all - neither good nor bad. In other words, don’t evaluate anyone in any way - just live and be, and let others too - be and live.

But how is it possible: not to evaluate anyone?

We have selected several quotes and stories about condemnation - they belong to famous saints and ascetics. They are revealing and some of them are better than any article. Using their example, we will try to show condemnation from all sides and in all its manifestations:

Why is judging bad?
Where does condemnation come from?
How to learn not to judge?
How is it possible to not judge anyone either good or bad?
And most importantly, how can one not condemn murderers or other villains?

Appearances are often deceiving

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Don't judge by appearance and never make fun of people. They may not be able to buy expensive clothes and live a luxurious lifestyle, but they can do a lot of good deeds. Well, remember point 2: we are all different. Some people can't buy the products they need, while others spend a lot of money on things they don't need. Rich people tend to judge poor people, but what they don't know is how poor people help others without expecting anything in return.

Conviction is often unfair

We do not always know (and in fact, we never know) what is really going on around us and in the lives of other people - what is the basis of their misdeeds or what causes their weaknesses.

Saint Paisius the Svyatorets, one of the most revered Greek saints of the 20th century, gives the following story:

“Many years ago, in a monastery on Mount Athos there lived a pious deacon, who one fine day left the monastery and returned to the world. What the fathers didn’t say about him! What really happened? Someone wrote to him that his sisters were still not settled in life, and he, fearing that they might stray from the right path, went to help them. He found a job at one of the factories and lived even more ascetically than in the monastery. As soon as he settled the sisters, he left his job and went back to the monastery. The abbot, seeing that he knew everything: the charter, obedience, etc., asked where he learned this. Then he opened his heart and told him everything. The abbot informed the bishop, and he immediately ordained him as a priest. Then he left for a distant monastery, where he labored strictly, achieved holiness and helped many people spiritually. And those who don’t know how it ended may still be judging him! Great caution is needed; we can never know the true state of things.”

Venerable Paisiy Svyatogorets

The reason for our speculations is partly due to the fact that we judge actions according to our disposition. For example, it seems to us that in such and such a situation a person must hide or deceive something. But this is simply because we ourselves would probably do the same in such a situation.

“Everyone thinks to the extent of his depravity” is a very true Soviet proverb.

“Whoever is not disposed to evil is incapable of suspicion,” St. Gregory the Theologian said the same thing sixteen centuries earlier.

“He who has a pure heart considers all people to be pure, but he who has a heart defiled by passions does not consider anyone pure, but thinks that everyone is like him,” said the Venerable. Isaiah the Hermit

But what to do if a person’s action is objectively bad? Theft, violence, murder?

What consequences could there be from a conviction?

The craving for condemnation will first of all affect you. The likelihood that a politician, close friend, or annoying colleague will hear you is close to zero. And here you are:

You will be disappointed in people. “Eh, there are no like-minded people among my circle, everyone offends me by not listening, not agreeing, I’ll be angry with the whole world for this.”
You will lose weight in the eyes of others. Yes, such a paradox. It seems that they did everything to make you respected, but in the end they aroused a subconscious desire to put you in your place. Besides, how can your interlocutor guarantee that you won’t start gossiping about him, as you are doing with someone else now?
You will feel internal tension when communicating with people and will regularly find yourself in conflicts. Just look at the constantly conflicting women who grew up during the USSR, where controlling the actions of others was considered the norm. Do you want to be like them?

We hope that now you will not only want to know how to stop judging people and gossiping, but also start following the advice right away.

Don't judge a person, but be intolerant of sin itself

The Georgian saint Gabriel Urgebadze, who lived in the 20th century, once said: “If you see a murderer, or a harlot, or a drunkard lying on the ground, do not condemn anyone, because God has released his motive, and holds your reason in his hands. If yours also lets go, you may find yourself in a much worse situation.”

But how can one not condemn a murderer?

“It’s another thing to notice, and another thing to condemn,” says Schema-Abbot John (Alekseev) in one letter.

When the saints ask to be intolerant of sin, and not of man, they remind: the main goal of man on earth is the acquisition of Grace. Everything in Christian teaching - the commandments, the Church foundations - were formed for the sake of one thing - so that a person, by his purity, would acquire the Grace of the Holy Spirit.

Condemnation is aggression in the heart. If there is aggression, there is no Grace. And if there is Grace, then for you a person who has committed even the worst, most terrible act in the world becomes not a villain, but an unfortunate one. I want to feel sorry for him, he ruined his soul...

The Monk Porfiry Kavsokalivit wrote: “They ask me, how can one not condemn criminals? Well, not everyone who commits crimes is murderers and villains. These people are deprived of a “protective barrier”; they do not fight with themselves, do not confess, do not receive communion, do not pray, do not try to improve. They have kind souls, but they live, as they say in common parlance, “like in an inn.” Evil catches them in its networks and pushes them to murder and other crimes. However, very soon they repent, suffer, and feel like they are in hell. I don’t want to justify crimes, but a criminal and a sinner never cease to remain people, wounded people.”

Asking us not to judge the sinner means that we should not allow our hearts to become bitter. Do not allow yourself to turn into, even a distant, but similar likeness of that person. After all, if we allow ourselves to be angry, it means that we ourselves have the germ of evil. And in what way are we better than the villains?

This does not mean that a murderer or rapist should be released from custody. The laws of the earth have already taken shape and through them a certain atonement for sin also occurs.

Perhaps one of the best symbols of how one can separate sin and the person himself can be the attitude of parents towards their children. The child committed a crime - played truant, stole, something else - but the mother never stops loving him for a minute?

Why do we judge other people?

There are several reasons, and usually we deal with several of them at once. Among the most common (we warn you right away, they are not very pleasant):

Low self-esteem. By and large, this is the only reason, because all the others, one way or another, stem from low self-esteem. By denigrating others, a person seems to automatically say: “But I myself am better. I do not do that. I'm done". This is how we inspire our interlocutor with our own importance. After all, it is much easier to prove that you are worthy of something than to do something good and useful.
The desire to manipulate. Why do we blame someone? To make him feel guilty. After all, someone who feels guilty will be forced to obey and do as you say.
Inability to admit your mistakes. I remember one joke. A group of friends is sitting, and suddenly one asks: “Guys, whose socks stink?” Everyone looks at it, and then someone says: “So it’s yours that stinks!” And others said to him: “Shh! He can’t stink, because he asked!” Yes, it is very easy to hide your mistakes behind accusations of others.
The desire to keep the conversation going. When there is a moment of awkward silence in a conversation, the first thing that comes to mind is to complain. At least for the weather. After all, dissatisfaction and gossip are an inexhaustible source of topics for conversation.
Copying others. This point concerns childhood. Perhaps at a young age you saw your parents or grandparents talking about others.
Awareness of one's own insignificance compared to the person being condemned. Russian writer L.N. Tolstoy once remarked: “The best people should be sought among those whom the world condemns.”

Condemnation returns like a boomerang

“There is such a law in spiritual life: as soon as you condemn someone, you will certainly fall into the same sin. Before judging others, it is better to know yourself. What are we?”
schema-abbot Savva

The Monk Paisiy Svyatogorets told an impressive and very revealing story.

One day a woman came to the temple where he served for some time. It was said about her that she destroyed many families by seducing men. The monk shouted at her and ordered her to leave the temple.

“Then,” the elder recalls, “something terrible happened to me. For the first time in my life, I felt a carnal temptation of such strength that it resembled burning.”

At some point, the temptations became so strong that the elder plunged a small hatchet into his leg in order to somehow stop the flow of thoughts. Blood sprayed.

“And then,” says the saint, “I thought: now, I have experienced this hell only once in a short time. And this, Lord, unfortunate soul who always lives in hell, how she suffers!”

And immediately after this thought the saint felt that he was freed from passion.

see also: miracles of Paisius the Holy Mountain

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

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Before making a value judgment on someone, put yourself in his (her) place. We often judge others unfairly, but we hate it when people judge us. Your words and actions can destroy any relationship within minutes. But will you be able to build trusting and human relationships again in the same few minutes?

How to learn not to judge?

Condemnation, like many other sins, flourishes in us from inattention to ourselves. Inattention has many external signs and causes. For example, empty talk.

“Usually after 20 minutes the conversation turns into either idle talk or condemnation,” Archimandrite Sophrony (Sakharov) once noted.

Different saints spoke differently about condemnation, but in their words one common idea is found or implied: the sin of condemnation - like any sin - does not exist in a person by itself, but is a consequence of the damaged nature of man.

We are all different

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If you really don't like something, well, others don't have to share your point of view. For example, you think tattoos are a terrible sight, so let this remain your private opinion, you should not tell about it to another person who loves them. If someone can't get a diploma, it doesn't mean they don't want to learn, it might just be that they don't have the means to pay for their education. We are all different, and we all have different life situations.

Fighting Judgment: Learning to Forgive

What kind of fight against condemnation can we talk about if we do not learn to forgive - not only loved ones, but also enemies? Not only those you are ready to forgive now, but also those you are not ready to forgive? To forgive means to love with the love of Christ.

But how can you love a villain? A murderer, a thief, a rapist?

Perhaps the English missionary writer Clive Lewis wrote about this best for modern readers (formally he belonged to the Anglican Church, but according to many, his worldview and understanding of things was absolutely Orthodox).

In his book “Mere Christianity,” in the chapter “Forgiveness,” he wrote that many are not ready to even imagine that they can forgive or love an enemy, because they confuse “forgiveness” with “agreement.” Forgiving does not mean saying that a person is good!

He wrote:

“Every person agrees that forgiveness is a wonderful thing until he himself is faced with the alternative of forgiving or not forgiving, when forgiveness must come from him. We remember how we found ourselves in such a situation during the war years. Usually the very mention of it causes a storm, and not because people consider this virtue too high and difficult. No, it’s just that forgiveness of this kind seems unacceptable to them, they hate the very thought of it...

Now, when I thought about it, I realized that I don’t have much tenderness and love for myself. I don't even always like my own company. So, the words “love your neighbor as yourself” obviously do not mean “feel tender towards him” or “find him attractive”...

Consequently, we can love [and forgive] our enemies, without considering them pleasant people. This is a great relief. Because so many people think that forgiving their enemies means admitting that they are not so bad after all, when in fact everyone knows that they really are bad.”

You can read this book in full, in particular, here.

What a person is filled with comes out of him

The teacher answered the boy that in ordinary life the same thing happens to a person when he becomes fixated on the sins and shortcomings of others, while not noticing any bad sides in himself.

When you criticize someone, you do not notice any merits or positive traits in him. You are filled with negative thoughts and a desire to judge. At the moment, you seem to feel superior to this person, humiliating and insulting him. However, people do not think that at any moment all the dirt that they pour on others can affect them themselves. The person who criticizes himself looks unflattering. Such people are often very unhappy at heart and feel relieved when they begin to insult others. In the modern world, this problem is very common. And not only in reality, but also on the Internet. Public figures such as bloggers and various celebrities often face criticism.