Why is it so important to remember the dead correctly and how is it customary to do this?

Love never dies

The fruit of any person’s life is only one thing - the love that he was able to show in his life. After the temporary separation of soul and body until the Last Judgment, the deceased can no longer do deeds of love, but his love can multiply through his loved ones in his memory.

Loved ones can be spiritually reborn, wanting to help the deceased, remember him at the Liturgy, pray for him, and do works of mercy in his memory.

— Commemoration at the Divine Liturgy

“Anyone who wants to show their love for the dead and give them real help can best do this by praying for them and, in particular, by submitting a note for remembrance at the Divine Liturgy . We cannot do anything better or more for them. They always need this...” (Archbishop John (Maksimovich)).

— Alms

In addition to prayer for the departed, another act of remembering them is almsgiving . Almsgiving means not only giving to the poor in memory of the deceased, but any kindness towards those in need.

Saint John Chrysostom said: “Luxurious burial is not love for the deceased, but vanity. If you want to sympathize with the deceased, I will show you another method of burial and teach you to lay out vestments, decorations worthy of him and glorifying him: this is alms.”

— Prayer

Love for deceased relatives places on us, now living, a sacred duty - to pray for the salvation of their souls. According to priest Nikolai Uspensky, “...by praying for deceased relatives, we provide them with the only good that their souls crave—pardon from the Lord.”

A special day in the week is also designated for prayers for the dead - Saturday, on which a funeral service is held (except for holidays, if they happen on this day).

In addition to private commemorations of the deceased, the Holy Church established general commemorations. Days of special general remembrance of the dead are called parental Saturdays. On these days, all Christians who have died since the ages are remembered. Why is it on Saturdays, and not on other days, that prayer for the repose of souls is supposed? Because the Sabbath day, as a day of rest, in its meaning is the most remarkable for prayer - to repose the dead with the saints. And they are called parental because every person remembers, first of all, the closest people - their parents. This:

• Meat-free universal parental Saturday the week before Great Lent;
• Trinity Ecumenical Parental Saturday before the Day of the Holy Trinity;
• Parental Saturdays of the 2nd, 3rd and 4th weeks of Great Lent;
• Dimitrievskaya Parental Saturday (a week before the holiday of memory of the Great Martyr Demetrius of Thessaloniki - Heavenly Patron of the Blessed Grand Duke Dmitry Donskoy); Radonitsa (Tuesday of the second week after Easter),
• May 9 is the day of remembrance for all those who died and tragically died during the Great Patriotic War.

On the eve of parental days in the evening, parastases are held in churches - funeral all-night vigils, and after the liturgy there are ecumenical .

From ancient times there is a custom to commemorate each deceased person on the third, ninth and fortieth days after his death, as well as to perform magpies. Sorokoust is a continuous commemoration for 40 days after death.

Also, the annual death day, birthday and name day in the sense that the deceased is alive and immortal in spirit and will one day be completely renewed when the Lord raises his body.

In addition to participating in funeral services, the Holy Church commands its children to remember the departed at home prayer . Here, each worshiper is given some freedom to demonstrate personal zeal. In addition to the evening and morning prayers, monks and laity read the commemoration book, commemorating the living and the dead by name. In addition, there is an ancient custom of reading the Psalter for the dead . At home prayer, with the blessing of the confessor, commemoration can also be made of those who cannot be remembered at church services - their relatives and friends who died outside the fence of the Orthodox Church - the unbaptized, heretics, etc.
The Optina elders allowed even suicides to be remembered at home prayer.

Orthodox days of remembrance of the dead

Calendar with dates of memorial days in 2021. All parenting days listed above are briefly listed below.

Do the deceased hear our prayers for them?

Communion between the earthly and Heavenly Church undoubtedly exists. It is based on Christian love and is expressed in prayerful help to each other. The Savior says: “God is not the God of the dead, but of the living, for with Him all live” (Luke 20:38). The Apostle Paul writes: “Love never fails” (1 Cor. 13:8).

The question of how exactly prayers for them are reflected on the departed by members of the earthly Church does not have a detailed, down to the details, disclosure in Orthodox Dogmatic Theology. What we can say with confidence is that godly prayers for deceased neighbors do not remain fruitless; Thanks to prayerful obedience, the deceased can receive consolation and consolation. We cannot say for sure that the deceased actually hear our prayers, but we can say that they feel them.

You can learn about some details from the lives of the deceased and how prayers addressed to God affect them from the contents of private revelations taught at different times to one or another saint.

Thus, from a revelation to St. Gregory, a disciple of St. Basil the New, it is known that the soul of blessed Theodora (after her physical death), going through ordeals, felt the effect of the prayers of her confessor, Father Vasily. At the same time, she understood who was praying for her. His prayers helped her through the ordeal.

Saint Gregory Dvoeslov was quite attentive to this issue. One of the most famous works of this author, “Dialogues ...”, presents the story of two pious wives who, unfortunately, could not curb their tongues. They did not do this even after they were rebuked and instructed by the “man of God,” who warned them that if they did not correct themselves, he would excommunicate them from the Church. Soon the sharp-tongued women died and were buried within the local temple. When the Eucharist was celebrated in the church, and the deacon, at a certain time, according to tradition, ordered those deprived of fellowship to leave the meeting of the faithful, the former nurse of the dead wives saw how they suddenly rose from the coffins and walked away. When she reported these visions to the “man of God,” he handed her a prosphora and ordered her to bring it to the Lord. After she carried out the saint’s order, the deceased no longer “rose” from their coffins or left the church. From what has been said, it follows that in some mysterious way the deacon’s proclamation became known to the souls of women, but St. Gregory does not explain how.

There is a lot of evidence of this kind, however, it should be remembered that not everything that is reported in them can be taken literally: there is a lot of mysterious and symbolic in them.

In addition, not all evidence can be trusted. For example, not every “appearance” of a “relative” in a dream is a real appearance of a relative. For example, under the guise of kindred spirits, crafty spirits can appear to a sleeping person. On the other hand, the “appearance of a deceased relative” may be a natural result of intense memories or worries about him. The correct action in the event of a “appearance” of a deceased neighbor would be to intensify prayer both for yourself and for the neighbor whose image was revealed in a dream.

How to remember the dead

According to Orthodox custom, prayer support can be provided to a person who is near death. This will be a reading of the so-called “waste” - “The Canon of Prayer for the Separation of the Soul from the Body.” This canon is read over a dying person to alleviate his physical and mental suffering. Such prayer contributes to the transition of the soul to Eternity.

How to remember the dead? During the first three days after death, it is customary to light candles at the coffin of the deceased and continuously read the Psalter. If it is not possible to organize such a reading, then you can read all the kathismas of the Psalter, with breaks.

Usually, before the funeral, a burial service (funeral service) is held. The funeral service is performed by a priest in the church where the coffin with the deceased is delivered, or at home. In some cases, the funeral service is performed in absentia after the funeral.

The canon “Following the departure of the soul from the body” from the burial rite can be read at the coffin of the deceased on the first day after death.

According to the pious custom of Christians, we also order a church commemoration of the repose of our neighbors at the Liturgy at forty services (Sorokoust). With these prayers we ask the Lord to save the souls of our dead and deliver them from torment and sorrow.

The experience of the Church testifies that such prayerful “accompaniment” of a deceased Orthodox Christian will benefit his soul.

“He who rules over the living and the dead... will place the soul of His servant who departed from us” in the villages of the saints, and will be counted among the righteous (Rite of burial of worldly people).

Where did the custom of commemorating the dead come from at certain periods after death?

Metropolitan Macarius (Bulgakov) writes that “we find an explanation of this custom from a few, although not the same, however, generally consistent with the spirit of piety. So in the book of the Apostolic Constitutions we read: “The third day after the death of the dead should be spent in psalmody, readings and prayers for the sake of Him who rose from the dead on the third day; the ninth - in remembrance of the living and the dead; fortieth - according to the ancient example; for for so many days the people mourned Moses; finally, the annual day is in memory of the deceased himself.” At St. Macarius of Alexandria says that for forty days the soul of the deceased wanders through ordeals, and its commemoration on the third, ninth and fortieth day corresponds to its offerings by the angels on these very days to worship the heavenly Judge, who, finally, on the fortieth day determines its known fate until last judgment. Eustratius, the presbyter of Constantinople and Philip the Hermit set out the following explanation: on the third day the first solemn commemoration of the deceased takes place in accordance with the fact that on the third day Christ was resurrected and appeared to his disciples for the first time; on the ninth day the same commemoration takes place, since eight days later, on the ninth day after the resurrection, the Lord appeared to his disciples for the second time; finally, on the fortieth day the last such commemoration is performed because on the fortieth day the Lord appeared to the Apostles for the last time and ascended into heaven. Subsequent writers have presented other pious explanations of this ancient custom of the Church.”

What can’t you do on Radonitsa?

But you shouldn’t take a formal approach to church commemoration—order a note from the church, and let them pray there. Professor of the Moscow Theological Academy A.I. Osipov explains why personal prayer for the deceased is important and it is not enough to simply order a commemoration. “Our trouble is that we often limit ourselves only to the external side of commemoration: funeral services, magpies, notes, candles, etc. We want to easily take the fish out of the pond... If I have a lot of money, I’ll send it to all the monasteries, to churches, to all priests and mothers! And this is called - I prayed. There, someone will pray in my place, and I won’t lift a finger, so that for the sake of my beloved (!) relative, I would at least a little refrain from anger, slander, condemnation, gluttony and other things, force myself to confession and Communion, to reading the Word of God, the Holy Fathers, to help the needy and the sick. We behave like typical pagans, as a result of which all our gifts to monasteries and churches turn out to be fruitless.”

No. 10. Is it a sin to go to the cemetery on Easter and Bright Week?

On Easter you need to go to church: Easter is the time to celebrate victory over death!

It is one thing when in villages and small towns the tradition has been preserved after the night Easter service, together with the priest, to go to a nearby cemetery, singing “Christ is Risen from the Dead!”, and sprinkling the graves with holy water. In this tradition, we see the desire of people who have just attended the Easter Sunday service to share this joy with the departed - conditionally, of course, but still this comes from a certain overflow of joy! But it’s another matter when a person simply exchanged the Easter service for a trip to the cemetery... Of course, this is deeply wrong! As St. Gregory the Theologian writes: “Easter compared to other holidays is like the sun compared to the stars,” that is, it is the greatest holiday, incomparable to anything, and people, instead of celebrating it, go to the cemetery... Well What is more important for them: the risen Christ or the dead?

So the Soviet tradition of going to the graves of relatives on Easter is wrong. In general, many different traditions developed in Soviet families, often quite erroneous, and we must fight them.

The best option for visiting cemeteries is, of course, Radonitsa, Tuesday of the second week after Easter, a special day set aside for a special commemoration of the dead. But you can go to the cemetery in advance, before Easter, many people do this, put things in order at the graves of their relatives after the winter, and try to clean them up for the holiday, if possible. You can go there the next Sunday after Easter, if there is no other time, if a person works and knows that there is no way he can get away from work on Radonitsa. This is better than trying to get to the graves of your loved ones on Easter Day!

No. 2. Is it an Orthodox tradition to hang a photograph of a deceased loved one on the wall?

Of course, you shouldn’t hang a portrait in the red corner, next to icons. But we can absolutely calmly hang portraits of relatives anywhere else in the house - there should be no superstitious fear here: the deceased cannot do anything to us, they cannot bring a person good luck or bad luck. The obvious benefit of such a portrait is prayerful memory: seeing a photograph of a relative or loved one, we will remember him and pray for him. It often happens that a person dies, is lost from sight, and soon disappears from memory.

Features of remembering the dead on parental Saturdays

Orthodox Christians, who honor their traditions and obligations, regardless of the days on which they commemorate the dead, observe a number of rules. Most of the statutes are general and apply to all ecumenical Sabbaths. It's easy to study them. The main thing is to approach this process with soul and understanding. It is necessary to realize that remembering the dead is our duty. Every supporter of Orthodoxy knows that at the second coming, everyone whose body perished but whose soul remained alive will be resurrected. That is why worshipers ask believers to pray for their parents and loved ones, thereby saving their soul and cleansing it from earthly sins. And prayer rituals should be performed not only on anniversaries of death, but also on all ecumenical Saturdays (and better yet, more often).

Ecumenical Day of Remembrance of the Dead or Parents' Saturdays

There are special memorial days in the church calendar that apply to all Christians. On the dates established by the Orthodox Church, appropriate memorial services are held in holy places. The days are called universal parental Saturdays. The prayer should be read not only by parents, but also by all the robes of God who have gone to another world. Such funerals can be held both in church and at home.

Meat Saturday

The first calendar day on which all the dead are remembered is Meat Saturday. In 2021 it falls on March 2. Funerals are held 8 days before Lent, before the main Christian holiday - Easter. Meat Saturday falls on the last week before Maslenitsa. That is why it is also called Little Maslenitsa.

Church funeral services are held according to a special charter. When the dead are commemorated, the priests read prayer speeches simultaneously for all Christians, starting from Adam and ending with the names provided in the note by the parishioners. The relatives of the deceased who came also pray together with the church servant of God. They ask the Lord for the repose of the soul of the deceased, the remission of all his earthly sins.

There is an Orthodox tradition of how to remember the dead on Meat Saturday. Its main rules include:

• Cooking pancakes. According to Christian customs, the housewife should place the first baked pancake near the icons, the second on the windowsill, and all the rest should be taken to the grave of a relative and distributed to the poor or to temple/church ministers.
• Holding a funeral dinner. In the evening, the mistress of the house will have to set a rich table. The food can be varied, because... she is still unlimited by fasting. The main thing is that there is an odd number of dishes on the table. It is advisable to have kutia on the table.

Before commemorating the deceased at the dinner table, you need to prepare a place for the deceased souls themselves. To do this, just put a little from each dish into a separate plate and pour a glass of wine/vodka/jelly. In addition, a candle must be lit on the table.