Next time the day after the funeral and the funeral dinner, it is still difficult to come to your senses and get used to the idea that the family has become smaller by one whole life. But you need to muster all your willpower to settle all the formalities with inheritance, social status, etc. and how justice should be paid to the memory of the deceased.
Double monument.
There are many traditions in the Orthodox faith that are unquestioningly observed by the majority of people of the older generation. Instilled from time immemorial, prejudices about the afterlife and the wandering soul after death, coupled with the fear of being condemned for ignoring pseudo-religious customs after a funeral, are sometimes taken to extremes.
In particular, covering mirrors, prohibiting watching TV and cleaning the apartment have nothing to do with the teachings of Jesus Christ. Whether you adhere to it or not is your own business. However, there are rational and ethical points that it is better not to ignore, so as not to desecrate the memory of the deceased in a private or public sense. Knowing and understanding the main Orthodox canons and historical traditions is equal to correct behavior in mourning .
Those who are experiencing such a severe loss for the first time will have to figure out what to do after the funeral , what is necessary, what is not necessary, and is extremely undesirable.
They buried, remembered... What to do next?
After the burial and farewell, care must be taken to identify the burial site. A grave mound or cell in a columbarium must have a sign with the name and years of life of the deceased.
A monument to a cemetery is usually erected every other year. But if you want to perpetuate the memory of a departed loved one with something special, you should take care of individual production in advance. Here
They will help you bring any idea to life, making monuments of various shapes and designs.
And within a week after the funeral, the issue of designating the burial site should be resolved. If you contacted the crematorium, they will remind you to comply with this formality if you take the urn for burial in a relative grave. To do this, you can order the production of tablets for crosses or small marble or granite slabs engraved with inscriptions.
If you install fences, tables, benches, or monuments at the grave, you need to make an entry about this in the burial book. Otherwise, the administration of the necropolis will not be responsible for the safety of such property. And in case of damage or theft, there will be no one to file a claim.
In addition to cemetery formalities, recently buried relatives have worldly affairs to attend to, which should not be forgotten.
List of important worldly affairs
Mourning in our time is not a reason to close yourself within four walls, distancing yourself from everything and everyone. Only people who are very financially secure can afford to grieve in complete inaction. And everyone else needs to take care not to have problems with administrative legislation and financial situation.
After the funeral, you need to address the following issues:
- Reimbursement of funeral expenses. This is your legal right, using which you can partially close the hole in the family budget left by the funeral. Both a relative of the deceased and a stranger who has kept all checks and receipts can receive compensation from the state. The agreed amount is paid by the employer of the deceased, the military registration and enlistment office, and the social institution. protection or pension fund for 6 months. In one of these authorities, depending on what social group the deceased belonged to during his lifetime, you should find out about the documents that must be provided to receive compensation.
- Arrange an inheritance. The legislation allocates only six months for this process. Depending on who you are related to the deceased, the amount of material property that becomes your possession is determined. Those. spouses, children and parents inherit first, while cousins, aunts, uncles and more distant relatives can inherit second, third, etc. If the deceased made a will for you during his lifetime, regardless of your relationship to him, you legally own all the property or money specified in the document. In this case, the notary who retains the original must contact you to formalize the acceptance or non-acceptance of the inheritance. In the absence of a will, the relatives and friends of the deceased can divide the property by personal agreement and have it certified by a notary or, in case of a dispute, in court. If you have the last option, do not delay in finding a good and more or less inexpensive lawyer in civil cases, and also collect all kinds of evidence that you have more rights to a house, apartment, car, and so on (even receipts for medicines that you bought when the deceased was sick).
- Register ownership. You can enter into an inheritance from the moment you receive a death certificate, but you still do not have the right to own property. Nevertheless, you are responsible for the inheritance. Those. When living in the apartment of the deceased, you need to enter your name in the database of housing and communal services. If within 6 months after the funeral the heirs of the first line do not show up, then by law it is considered that they abandoned it. Ownership must be registered by a notary and the data must be reported to the BTI, having in hand a technical passport for the property.
- Renting out real estate. Before renting out the apartment or house of the deceased to strangers, carefully inspect everything, including cabinets, shelves, secret niches, etc. for the presence of documents and valuables. If there is something expensive or memorable, move it, but don’t leave it to the tenants. Otherwise, you risk becoming a victim of unscrupulous guests who will not only fail to pay rent and utilities, but will also clean out the apartment. In any case, rent out the deceased’s housing under a contract certified by a notary. As payment for the first few months of stay, you can offer the guests to make repairs at their discretion. And this point should also be included in the commercial lease agreement. Considering that the price of repairs is equal to the cost of the number of months of rent and utility bills
If cremation has taken place
Today, the Russian Orthodox Church is much more loyal to cremation than before, but advocates the traditional burial process: the ashes of the deceased must be interred. However, only close people can decide what to do with the remains - in accordance with the last wishes of the deceased or their own views. The ashes may be buried in a cemetery or scattered at a memorial site for the deceased. It is also possible to separate it for subsequent burial in the native places of the deceased and near the place where relatives live.
It is important to remember that after the cremation procedure, the ashes can be stored in the crematorium for no longer than a year. If during this time none of the relatives of the deceased appears, the urn will be buried in a public burial place. After 40 days after cremation, storage of ashes becomes paid.
What should you observe? About the repose of the soul of a loved one
Among the most common traditions after a funeral is the custom of bringing a symbolic breakfast to the cemetery the next day and distributing sweets and pies to others. It is complemented by the prejudice of leaving bread, cookies, a glass of vodka on the grave, or even pouring vodka on the ground under which the newly deceased rests. Of course, this is not a crime, but it is not a mandatory action either. Frequent appeals and conversations about the deceased do not allow his soul to be pacified. The tradition of having meals in the cemetery and leaving food at the grave belongs to the pagans. According to the church charter, the deceased should be commemorated on the third, ninth and fortieth day after death. The soul of the deceased needs our sincere and spontaneous prayer, and not sweets and a glass of vodka.
In addition, sweets and alcohol in cups are not only unacceptable for religious reasons, but also for everyday reasons. Children trading in free candy, tramps and cemetery dogs can climb over the fence.
Nine days
9 days after the funeral there is a memorial meal in the circle of closest relatives and friends. The church does not recommend inviting many guests to such a dinner. It is advisable to organize the wake of the ninth day at home or in a rented cafe, where everything will be prepared in the spirit of the mourning event. You definitely cannot eat or drink at the burial site, but visiting the grave and remembering the deceased with a kind word is recommended.
When everyone gathers at the funeral table, you need to read a prayer. As a rule, this is “Our Father,” but you can choose others with the help of a clergyman. After prayer, each person at the table must eat three spoons of kutya. This is the main course of a wake. To prepare it, you can use both pearl barley and rice cereals, compote, and also add cookie crumbs and dried fruits as desired. Food should include simple dishes - cabbage soup, cabbage rolls, mashed potatoes, pies, cutlets.
Anything you haven’t eaten should not be stored in the refrigerator or thrown away. The rest of the lunch should be distributed to those in need, asking in return to pray for the repose of the soul.
Alcohol, especially on the 2nd, 3rd, 9th day after the funeral , is not very appropriate. Strict adherence to church canons completely excludes alcohol at funerals. It distracts a person from prayers and grief, dulling the senses and clouding the mind. Even if you do not consider yourself a believer, look at the rational side of the issue. Often, alcohol consumed by a person in upset feelings further worsens mental well-being. Mourners, as a rule, quickly get drunk and may behave inappropriately when surrounded by relatives, getting into quarrels and fights. If something prevents you from completely abstaining from alcohol at the funeral table, you need to minimize its amount.
According to generally accepted etiquette, appearance should be as modest and mournful as possible. For men, formal business suits with white or dark plain shirts, turtleneck sweaters are suitable, and for women, dresses without cutouts and long sleeves, formal jackets, jumpers in dull colors and headscarves. It is better not to apply makeup at all, but in case of emergency, you can limit yourself to applying tone and colorless lipstick.
Forty days
For 40 days after the funeral, the soul of the deceased is forever freed from the shackles of worldly life and knows the kingdom of heaven. For this to happen, the relatives and friends of the deceased should go to church, order a memorial service and the reading of the magpie.
For 40 days after the burial, it may not seem important what you look like, but you must not forget about the basics of basic hygiene. If mourning is preventing you from doing your work, talk to your boss or find out how to put things off. But it often happens that it is in work that the mourner finds a sure way to distract himself and calm down. And this is not at all interpreted as disrespect for the memory of the deceased. On the contrary, the soul of the deceased will be much more likely to rejoice if sacred work saves you from despondency, which in the Orthodox faith is also a sin.
Commemoration of 40 days can also be accompanied by lunch. The main dishes include rice or millet kutia and pancakes without filling, symbolizing the perishability of existence. If the wake falls during Lent, eating meat is prohibited. The custom of preparing the deceased’s favorite dishes during his lifetime for 40 days is not Orthodox, but from the point of view of respect for the memory of the deceased, it has its place. However, here, too, you should not go too far and set the table with restaurant pathos and scope. The Orthodox faith does not approve of placing a glass of vodka covered with bread on the table or bedside table, just as in the situation with the cemetery.
Table setting for 40 days excludes the use of sharp cutlery. Only large and small spoons are appropriate, which must be placed with the back side up. A visit to the cemetery for forty days after the funeral is mandatory.
Upon completion of the wake and seeing off the guests, it is necessary to tightly close the doors and windows, light candles in front of the icons of saints and silently pray. This is a better decision than sobbing into a pillow over the last farewell to the soul of the deceased. Sorrow only keeps her in the world of sinners, but prayer exalts her to the Lord.
Death anniversary
For 1 year after the funeral, you can organize a wake with a meal at home or in a restaurant. The death anniversary feast should also be calm and not turn into a fun drinking session. It is better to keep alcohol consumption to a minimum. At the table you should pray before the meal itself and during it to yourself. Family members, colleagues and friends can also share pleasant memories associated with the deceased. In the church you can order the sacred Liturgy, Saturday requiem or litia, which involves coming to the grave of the deceased together with a priest. All these prayers have great power, since everyone participates in them at once.
Other memorial days
There are actually many more reasons to pray for the repose of the soul than we can imagine. Any remembrance of the deceased should be accompanied by a brief appeal to God with a request to grant the Kingdom of Heaven to the deceased. And there are also special Orthodox holidays when it is customary to remember the dead, regardless of the year of their departure to another world:
- Radonitsa is the second week after Easter. On this day the words “Christ is Risen!” All the departed must hear so that joy can be shared in heaven and on earth. On this day, you can distribute colored eggs, Easter cakes and other sweets to people. But the tradition of leaving them in the cemetery not only contradicts the church, but also common sense (ants breed on the grave, stray animals, children and homeless people climb);
- Saturday before Trinity;
- Dmitrievskaya Saturday - three weeks after Intercession;
- Meat Saturday - before the start of Lent (the ninth week before Great Easter Sunday);
- Ecumenical Parental Saturdays in the 2nd, 3rd and 4th weeks of Great Lent.
You can order funeral services more often if you wish. Since any baptized deceased person remains a member of the universal church.
Life after the funeral
There are plenty of signs and prejudices associated with the behavior of people who have recently buried close relatives. Let's look at common customs after a funeral from the perspective of religion and common sense.
Hanging mirrors and TV
must be covered within 40 days after the funeral If you have any phobias of the other world and it makes you feel better, please do so. But this custom is not connected with Orthodox canons. The same can be said about TV and computer. It is not prohibited to include them. You can only limit your viewing of entertainment programs.
Mourning and appearance
There is nothing seditious about visiting a hairdresser after a recent funeral if you really need to get yourself in order so as not to experience discomfort due to very long bangs. Of course, experiments with image mourning . The superstition of sewing clothes is refuted by the fact that one should postpone one’s aesthetic whims as a sign of respect for the deceased. Repairing things that cannot be replaced is another matter.
Cleaning
The ban on cleaning the house immediately after a funeral is pure prejudice. In order not to be in chaos, where yesterday there were a lot of people, food, funeral paraphernalia, it is better to remove all unnecessary things from the apartment and wash the floors. apartment (washing floors), from where the deceased was taken out.
What does science and various religions say about the soul?
People with rational critical thinking prefer not to bother, believing that after death a person’s soul goes into oblivion, and the body simply decomposes. This fact was widely promoted in the communist past and in our time there are many of its supporters.
Recent research and discoveries are giving science new opinions, more interesting and optimistic judgments. Thus, physicists and cosmologists at the California Institute of Technology S. Carroll came to the conclusion that the soul is a set of negatively and positively charged particles, atoms, that do not disappear after death, but continue to exist in a different form.
Christians and Muslims believe that the souls of sinners go to hell, and the souls of the righteous go to heaven. Buddhists believe that after a funeral, a person actually goes into a state of metaphysical non-existence - nirvana. Representatives of Judaism believe that the soul of the deceased goes to Sheol - the world of oblivion, in which it is dark, dusty, damp and worms are everywhere, and on Saturdays the usual Shabbat is held.
The now explored concept of reincarnation first appeared in Hinduism. Many treatises have been written on the fact that there is a transmigration of souls, from people to animals, from animals to plants. But no real evidence has yet been found. what to believe after the death of a loved one; the main thing is not to go too far and remain calm and common sense.
