Why, out of 7 billion people on Earth, do I suffer the most?!

Suffering. It accompanies us everywhere. The child’s first breath, a gust of air, painfully opens his lungs, and with this first suffering our path in this world begins. Suffering is inevitable, just as the change of seasons is inevitable. Just as cold autumn gives way to warm summer, so suffering gives way to happiness. And you must agree - if there were no suffering, how could we understand what happiness is? Hardly. Only the replacement of one state by another allows one to differentiate these two states.

However, the purpose of suffering is not only so that we can feel happiness. Experiencing happiness and suffering helps us develop. Suffering from the cold forced man to learn how to make fire, suffering from bad weather forced him to learn to build houses. Suffering from illnesses gave rise to man's study of his own body, the principles of its functioning, and so on. And if you look at the entire history of mankind, the grain of any great discovery was suffering, discomfort and pain. So, let's try to figure out why we suffer, why we need suffering and how to perceive it correctly so that this phenomenon benefits us.

• What is the meaning of human suffering
• Problems and difficulties are “fuel” on the path of development
• Suffering begins in the womb
• Too good is also not good
• See difficulties as life lessons

We will consider these and other facets of such a phenomenon as suffering below and try to find a universal formula for happiness, which we all strive for one way or another. And let’s try to find the answer to the question: is happiness possible without overcoming difficulties?

What is Suffering? Definition of this concept

Since ancient times, having barely mastered the basic moral categories, people began to think about the essence of Suffering and ways to avoid it. It was clear that the suffering of a person is different from the suffering of a sick or hungry animal. A person experiences it not only and not so much physically, but more mentally. It can be internal and external.

Internal Suffering is a set of negative feelings (sadness, resentment, envy, anger, hatred). These are feelings that are in a person’s soul and prevent him from perceiving reality adequately, seeing and understanding the World as it is. Inner Suffering has a bad effect on his attitude towards others and himself, on the goals and results of his life.

External Suffering is caused by factors that do not directly depend on a particular person - unpleasant situations in life, violence from other people, being in a military conflict zone, illness, living in unfavorable conditions.

Often External Suffering stems from Internal Suffering and vice versa - they are closely interconnected. Just as negative external circumstances cause torment of the soul, so internal negativity provokes conflicts, attracts unfavorable incidents, closing the ring of endless Suffering. This is why it is so important to know the causes of Suffering of any kind.

Achieving a state of happiness is not an easy process, but it is possible.
Sometimes it takes a long time, but the goal makes up for everything. Man actually goes to happiness through suffering. Therefore, working on yourself is very important here.

What are the sacrifices of love?

So-called "love victims" or people who suffer greatly in their relationships can be completely different.

They can be both young and mature. Both women and men. Both low-income and outwardly disadvantaged people, and quite successful, at first glance, people.

What unites them is that within them there is a program “to be a victim of love.” They themselves unconsciously choose or agree to be in this role. Deep down, for them, relationships are suffering.

And when they meet people with whom they are hurt and unsafe, they have the opportunity to realize their internal program “love is suffering.”

And until they are aware of their internal scenario and do not consciously change it, they continue to remain in an unhealthy relationship. Or even if they complete them, they again find partners with whom they are in great pain.

External Causes of Suffering

The external causes of such an unpleasant phenomenon as Suffering often do not depend on the will of a person. They arise for other reasons - erroneous and malicious actions of other people, the need to survive trials that are given by Higher powers in order to test a person’s strength and give him a chance to show his best side even in the most difficult circumstances.

But sometimes these reasons arise due to the fault of the person himself. He may intentionally or due to erroneous ideas about life allow such situations to happen to himself.

The most common external causes of Suffering include the following:

• Diseases. Often a person gets sick through no fault of his own - sometimes he is born with certain problems, sometimes he accidentally becomes infected with something. But no less often a situation arises when a person himself is to blame for his illnesses. Many people lead the wrong lifestyle, frivolously hoping that they will not be affected by the consequences. As a result, they get a bunch of diseases from obesity, problems due to alcohol and smoking, diseased sensory organs and joints. Also, many people do not take seriously the need for rest, trying to earn as much money as possible, as a result they are overtaken by illnesses associated with overwork.
• Violence from other people. Typically, a person does not choose to be a victim of violence. In this situation, he can only flee from the situation or try to fight back against the offenders.
• "Random" troubles. Many people think that unpleasant events of varying degrees of severity - from wet shoes to a fatal car accident - occur due to the fault of fate. But it is not so. Sometimes people attract similar situations to themselves by their way of thinking and living. If you focus on the negative, or, on the contrary, treat life too frivolously, the likelihood of such “accidents” greatly increases.

Women are affected more often than men

Women always seem to be more emotional and open than men. And indeed, in many cases they endure suffering much more severely than representatives of the stronger sex. To be convinced of this, one should consider their life, starting from childhood.

• Girls study better than boys, but they also worry much more about grades. Even with twos and threes in the diary, guys can calmly go play football or computer games.
• Girls are taught from an early age how to look attractive, and beauty, as we know, requires sacrifice. Complicated hairstyles and tightly braided braids, which boys love to tug at, bring them pain.
• Menstruation causes emotional fluctuations and physical suffering in girls. Guys are unfamiliar with this phenomenon.
• For teenage girls, physical exercise runs often end in pain in their growing breasts.
• To attract guys, girls start wearing heels, which cause varicose veins and other diseases.
• Heavy earrings weigh down your ears and cause discomfort.
• The fashion for low-rise jeans and skirts is dangerous for inflammation of the ovaries and kidneys.
• In the last year of high school, guys take exams more calmly, and it’s much easier for them to think through their outfit for graduation.
• In their careers, male representatives will not have long vacations due to pregnancy, birth and raising a child.
• Women worry about their every external flaw, which no man would even pay attention to. They are afraid of being judged literally because of everything: creases in tights, fatness, thinness, small or large breasts, inflammation of the skin, sparse hair.
• For women, first sex is more difficult than for men, both physically and mentally. They also worry more about unrequited love and are very afraid of loneliness. A married woman will not want to be left alone, even if her husband is a lazy man, an alcoholic and a ballast for the whole family. She will feel sympathy and compassion for such a man, but if she does not leave him, the suffering will remain forever.

• Pregnancy is in itself a very complex process that destabilizes the entire hormonal system. The woman develops back pain, toxicosis, an unstable psyche and fears that she will have to have an abortion or have a miscarriage.
• Even when the pregnancy comes to an end and a healthy baby is born, the woman’s torment does not stop. Now she is a mother who must care for her newborn around the clock.
• A growing son or daughter requires no less attention. Now the child needs to be taken to school, do homework with him, and monitor his behavior and health. Of course, every mother will want him to look brand new, which will also take a lot of effort and time. If a woman does not learn to prioritize, then she will face endless stress, loss of attractiveness, and a husband dissatisfied due to lack of attention.

This is just a small part of the problems women face. But many do not understand what suffering leads to, and do not even try to control the situation. They forget about their rest, health, hobbies and other components of life.

Even if some of the suffering on the list is inevitable, you can minimize it and not burden yourself with other problems.

Internal Causes of Suffering

Internal causes of Suffering depend on the person and are controlled by him to a much greater extent than external ones. Each of us has experienced this in one way or another. The most common causes of Suffering, coming from within the human soul, include:

• Lack of purpose and meaning in life. When a person simply goes with the flow, without thinking about why he is on this Earth, he experiences some of the most serious Suffering, even if he does not admit it. Many suicides decide on their last choice precisely because of the loss of the meaning of life. This is why people are so eager to have some kind of goal and go towards it.
• Lack of love and disrespect for oneself. People are often overly critical of themselves. It seems to them that self-respect and self-love are something that needs to be earned through some great achievements. But there cannot be great achievements for someone who hates, despises, and does not see positive qualities in himself. Negative feelings towards oneself take up a huge amount of internal resource, and there is simply no strength left for significant achievements. It is important to understand that it is necessary to respect and love yourself simply because you, like every person, are unique - this is already a reason to treat yourself better.
• Negative emotions. It is generally normal to experience resentment, anger, fear, anger - this is common to everyone to one degree or another. It’s not normal to get hung up on these emotions, make them the basis of your life, or commit rash actions under their influence. You need to accept your emotions, but at the same time understand where they come from, be honest with yourself and live them correctly. It is important to understand that other people are not responsible for their occurrence, and not to throw out unnecessary negativity on them.
• Negative character traits. Stinginess, pettiness, irritability, hot temper, jealousy - all these qualities cause Suffering both in their owner and in the people around him. It is important to remember that you can and should work on your character. But, first of all, its owner himself is able to do this. You should not try to forcibly change other people - the best help for them will be a good example before their eyes.
• Wrong desires. People often don't understand what they really need. They often think that they want something, but in reality this desire turns out to be imposed by society, and in fact its fulfillment will not bring any benefit or pleasure to a particular person. You need to listen to yourself, ask: “What will happen if this wish comes true?”, “Would I like something completely different?” and answer these questions honestly. Then life will become much more conscious, useful and enjoyable.

Problems and difficulties are “fuel” on the path of development

How can we make difficulties become our most important allies? Everything is very simple. Easy to understand, but difficult to execute. For comparison, we can cite the training of boxers before important competitions. At the bases of the Olympic reserve they specially make a ring that is one and a half to two times smaller than the standard one, in order to train according to Suvorov’s principle “hard in training - easy in battle.” In addition, a potential champion is often pitted against two opponents at once. And if he can defeat two, then he can easily cope with one. And using the example of sports, everything immediately becomes clear. It is unlikely that any of the athletes will blame the coach for mocking him. Especially if the athlete has already been to serious competitions and understands what level of preparation must be in order to win.

But in life everything is the same. Only some kind of limitation, some kind of discomfort or, as it is now popular to say, “leaving the comfort zone” allows a person to become “faster, higher, stronger.” In a word, everything is like in sports - whoever trained the most won.

But our planet is the same “training camp” for improving your skills, character traits, and so on.

Problems and difficulties can be compared to running through an obstacle course. If you look at it from the point of view with which many people look at suffering in their lives, then we can say: “Why run through an obstacle course if there is a smooth, beautiful path next to it with green grass on the sides?” So that's the point. A favorable environment is not conducive to development. Walking along a flat green path will not make you stronger and more resilient. And after running through the obstacle course, you will become better than yesterday.

And this applies to all areas of life. Communicating with those with whom it is difficult for us to find a common language, we learn patience and compassion. Jesus also said:

“Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, pray for those who slander and persecute you... For if you love those who love you, what good will it do you?”

In fact, it is easy to be patient and compassionate among friends and like-minded people. But learning to communicate with those who do not understand you, criticize and condemn you is the highest skill. And this cannot be learned by avoiding communication with “difficult” people.

How to Avoid Suffering?

Knowing the causes of Suffering, it becomes easy to avoid it. You need to check their list and think about whether they are in your life. If the answer is yes , you need to work on yourself to eliminate all possible ways through which Suffering penetrates into life. Many people are helped by self-development and various spiritual practices - this is how life becomes much more conscious, and Suffering gradually disappears from it.

The occurrence of Suffering does not always depend on the internal state of a person. Sometimes you need to change external circumstances - change your social circle, place of residence or work. You should not stick to people who emanate negativity and circumstances that bring torment.

It is important to remember that a person has one Life, and living it with or without Suffering is everyone’s personal choice. Whether it will be true depends on the degree of awareness of the person.

Relationship trauma

Any psychological trauma that we have, strive for healing. And the way our psyche tries to do this is to recreate a similar situation in which we were injured.

And often we act out the traumas we received in relationships in childhood again and again in our relationships as adults.

For example, as a child, Larisa was often controlled by her parents and limited her freedom. Then, when she grew up, she found a husband who controlled her every move, tapped her phones, hacked her social networks. And he forbade her to go anywhere without him. So she again experiences her childhood trauma in the relationship.

There are three main ways we repeat our “relationship trauma” in our relationships with our partners:

1. Choose a man who is prone to behave in the same traumatic way as his parents did. For example, a woman had a cold and rejecting mother. And she falls in love with an equally inaccessible and cold man.
2. Unconsciously provoke a partner so that he begins to behave the same way our parents behaved with us. For example, a woman was physically punished as a child. And she begins to live with a man who is not prone to violence. But she begins to humiliate and insult him more and more every day. And at some point the man hits her emotionally.
3. Give the situation a painful meaning. That is, a situation that actually does not look much like a traumatic one is interpreted in such a way that it becomes truly traumatic. For example, a girl experienced betrayal in the past. And then, when her current boyfriend did not answer the call, she decided that he was cheating on her at that moment. And she was traumatized by this thought. But her boyfriend didn’t actually cheat on her, but she still felt like a betrayal at that moment.

If you want to stop suffering and learn how to build healthy relationships, then contact me for personal therapy.

Is it a complete solution to the problem or not?

Each religion (or lack thereof) solves the problem of theodicy differently. For example:

1. Atheism is the denial of premise 1 (i.e. “God exists”).
2. Pantheism is the denial of premise 2 (i.e. “God is all good”).
3. Polytheism (polytheism, pagan religions) and deism deny premise 3 (i.e. “God is omnipotent”). So, in paganism there are a huge number of not very powerful gods, good and evil. Deists consider God to be an imperfect being, not omnipotent, changing over time, etc.
4. Idealism is the denial of the existence of evil. Idealists claim that evil does not exist, evil is only a figment of human imagination, a mind that is not capable of knowing the real state of affairs.
5. The main world religions Christianity, Islam, Judaism recognize all four premises... BUT they deny the existence of a logical contradiction between them .

This question in other religions:

Buddhism.

Buddha formulated the four noble truths. 1) Life is suffering; 2) there is a cause of suffering - desire; 3) there is a cessation of suffering - nirvana; 4) there is a path leading to the cessation of suffering - the Eightfold Path.

Pre-Christian religions were dualistic . Yin and Yang are the endless struggle between good and evil.