In the lives of each of us there are moments when we are offended or we are offended. In the first case we are in a worse position! Yes Yes! Remember Leo Tolstoy’s phrase that we love people because we give them joy. And at the same time, our hatred is most directed at people because we have caused them pain. So when we offend others, we are in the position of a person who needs to be forgiven. But now we will talk about what the ability to forgive is and what forgiveness gives to those who have offended us.
Every day we face stress, depression, apathy. And, of course, we feel terrible internal discomfort, and the situation literally heats up. In such a situation, it is impossible to do without rude words, actions, insults, etc. Upon returning home, out of fatigue, with accumulated negativity, we attack our loved ones. They do the same. And sometimes, without meaning to, people insult, humiliate, and deceive each other. And this is all life; it is impossible to change its course. But still, the main thing in our power is to be able to forgive and ask for forgiveness.
Someone will object that it’s no big deal – “I was rude, I was rude!” What’s the point of asking for forgiveness?!” In fact, these are not just words, deeds, actions. And a sacrament that changes a person’s life radically.
What is the power of forgiveness?
We build a life at our own discretion, surround ourselves with those who we like, do not spoil our nerves, and bring pleasant and useful emotions. But we forget that ideal people simply do not exist in the world. And we get offended for any reason, thereby increasing our importance. How educated and wise are we ourselves? Don't we have any shortcomings? How often we ourselves can “blurt out” such things that the interlocutor may simply lose the power of speech from insult.
We can be offended in response to someone’s careless phrase, then, after words of forgiveness, throw out a dry “Yes, okay, everything is forgotten.” And we don’t think at all about the one who bears remorse and cannot find a place for himself because he hurt you. Yes, we can do more - forgive the person and continue communication with him, close contacts. But every time we encounter him again, hug, an incredible amount of negativity rises inside us, caused by memories of the actions of our counterpart.
There is a very interesting and instructive parable about forgiveness:
“Two bosom friends walking through the desert argued about something and in the heat of their anger, one of them slapped the other. The blow was so strong that the man felt severe pain. He said nothing in response, stepped aside and wrote in large letters in the sand: “My friend slapped me today.”
They walked on, as if nothing had happened, and reached a green place where water flowed and plants grew. The guys decided to take a dip in the cool river. And at one moment one of them, who received a slap in the face, almost drowned. He was saved by the same one who hit him in the face. And again he wrote, but only on the stone: “My friend saved my life today.”
And his friend asked a question: “When I hit you, you wrote about it in the sand, and when you saved it, on a stone. Why did you choose two different subjects?” He answered him: “When someone offends us, we must write about it in the sand, so that the violent winds will erase the inscription from the face of the Earth, and everything will be forgotten. But if they do good to us, they save us, we must knock it out, mint it on stone, so that nothing can remove or erase this inscription and everyone remembers it.”
What does history say? Yes, that we forget grievances, but always remember the good that our friends, relatives, and even strangers give us. No offense can be compared to the moments when we are given joy, love, life. But in order to learn to forgive insults, let’s first find out what an insult is.
Where do the roots of resentment come from? It all starts from childhood, when our psyche is formed. During these years, anything can harm her: a dysfunctional family, a bad attitude, or excessive adoration by adults.
In the first case, the child is constantly offended, but at the same time they are not allowed to express their emotions. So, he accumulates pain, indignation, aggression in himself and already, as an adult, having felt that after an offense he is being asked for forgiveness, he cannot completely forgive, since there are still a lot of grievances in his soul from those childhood years.
For the latter, those who were loved too much by their parents, the problem is completely different. Everything was forgiven to them, and even if they didn’t do anything wrong, they still asked for forgiveness. We didn’t buy another doll, then another expensive trinket, then an apartment, bought the wrong car, etc. Over the years, all this becomes a habit, and of course, if someone does something wrong and asks for forgiveness, he will have to wait too long. But there is a third reason that not all of us can immediately forgive another person. Why is this so difficult?
Make forgiveness a part of your life
“Forgiveness is a choice,” Schwartz says. “You decide to offer the person who hurt you sympathy and understanding.”
After all, people bring into the world what they themselves are filled with. Think how unhappy the one who radiates hatred is. And find the strength to feel sorry for him. Forgiveness is not a reward that you graciously bestow on the offender. You do this primarily for yourself, because negative emotions will ultimately result in a chronic disease of one of the internal organs. Moreover, a person who remembers the harm caused by others cannot be truly happy.
What to do if you are offended
First of all, you don’t need to cherish and nurse your offense. On the contrary, you need to abstract yourself from it and stop constantly scrolling through it. Some are so carried away by their offended situation that they are ready to tell everyone they meet about it. It feels like they have got a flag in their hands, which they proudly carry in front of them and let everyone know “I was offended!”
It is important to start with your subconscious; if you fail to forgive a person, then the resentment will eat away from the inside like rust and cause damage to the psyche. Even worse, it will burst out and you will not be able to contain your emotions.
First of all, this feeling is part of our egoism. This is a negative type of emotion that does not carry anything useful for a person. Rather, on the contrary - because of resentment, we break ties, do not tell the truth, and the effect of understatement and mistrust arises. Resentment can plunge a person into depression and suffering; it literally takes away our health, strength, energy and prevents us from communicating with those who are dear to us. The culprit is self-centered behavior, at the forefront of which our pride rises royally - one of the most terrible sins of humanity, because of which all other sins arise.
Experts in human psychology are confident that resentment is a disease that needs to be treated. If you start the process, serious mental problems will arise. A touchy person is nothing compared to someone who believes that everyone is just waiting to hurt him, wants to insult him, humiliate him. That is, this state can be compared to paranoia, towards which he is moving with the right steps. But in fact, a person suffers because of a non-existent phenomenon that he invented in his fantasy.
Each individual case must be examined in detail. A full analysis of what happened and why is required. You need to understand that words or actions are not always done in order to cause pain. Sometimes this is a completely fair, valuable remark.
Life story:
Marina and Katya have been best friends since 6th grade. The first was free, relaxed, the second was more modest, shy. But both were pretty, smart girls. It so happened that after graduation their paths diverged for some time. Katya got married and moved to another city. A child was born there, but family life did not work out for a long time, and now, 7 years later, tired of the tyranny of her drug-addicted husband, Ekaterina returned to her hometown.
And Marina was still alone. She graduated from medical school and began working at a local clinic. Upon returning, Katya, of course, wanted to meet her friend and spend time with her. The parents without a word let their daughter have fun - she still has the right to rest at least a little. Leaving her beloved son with his grandparents, she went to a nearby bar with a friend. Another one joined them, her name was Masha. She was a couple of years younger than them and became friends with Marina while Katyusha lived in another city.
So, in the middle of the evening, the girls sat and had a nice conversation. And as usually happens, a man approached their table and offered his company. Katya immediately snapped and made it clear that he had messed up something. He needs to sit down with others who are not against the development of events (you understand). The other two girlfriends were simply silent.
Then something stranger began to happen. Masha and Marina went to dance; they were slightly drunk. Katyusha controlled herself, after all, she had a child at home, and simply watched her friends. First one man, then another, began to approach them. And each of them was completely okay with plunging into an almost intimate dance with each of the drinking guests of the cafe.
Katya decided that Marina was simply drunk, which is why she behaved this way. I had no doubt about Masha - she was always distinguished by her dissolute disposition. She approached her beloved friend several times and asked her to step aside. She wanted so badly to stop Marina, but she wouldn’t let up. The evening ended with the girls quarreling. Moreover, Katya did not understand at all why Marina rudely drove her home and asked her to leave her and Masha alone.
Only the next morning, when her parents woke up and talked about Marina’s life, did she understand that she had begun to lead a too “free” lifestyle. Of course, she didn’t want to see the one she had missed all these years anymore. About 5 months passed, and they again found themselves in the same company, but this time a decent one. There they talked and made peace. Katya forgave Marina, although it was useless. Why? Judge further.
Marina never stopped and began to appear more and more often in conversations between men. Each one talked about what a “pleasant” time they had with her. These conversations were conveyed to Katyusha by her brother, saying that they speak very badly about your friend. Katya immediately went to her and told her everything and asked her to be more careful. She did not believe that these people were telling the truth and stood up for her friend. As a result, Marina became angry with Katya and for some reason accused her of gossip. Here, of course, the break was final. Katya never communicated with the loving girl again, although she understood that this was her personal matter. She just couldn’t forgive her for the insult.
As we see, it doesn’t always make sense to forgive a person. Although no, you need to forgive, but there is no point in entering the same river again. If a person once intentionally hurt you, he will repeat it. It is impossible to change character, much less habits, habits, and physiological characteristics of the body.
Right to be offended?
Several decades ago, a positive image of a touchy hero arose in Soviet culture (though his touchiness was then bashfully renamed vulnerability for the sake of euphony). This type wandered through various works of art and quietly took offense at the injustices and oppression that rained down on him from the generous author’s hand. This is how writers and filmmakers expressed their protest against human callousness, trying to draw the audience’s attention to the suffering and loneliness of a person in a soulless society of cog people. The goal was, of course, noble, and the image of a vulnerable hero worked here perfectly. But, unfortunately, every stick has two ends. The downside of this artistic method was the romanticization of resentment itself. After all, if the one who offends is bad, then the one who is offended is good. Therefore: to offend is bad, but to be offended is good.
As a result of this identification of the hero’s moral assessments and his state of mind, a whole generation of very vulnerable, and in fact just touchy people, grew up on the same beautiful, piercing and kind stories of Vasily Makarovich Shukshin. They considered the right to be offended to be a completely normal attribute of a person with a fine mental organization, and therefore they reacted extremely sharply to the slightest manifestation of someone else’s rudeness and callousness. This moral position was very convincingly voiced in his lyric poem by Eduard Asadov:
How easy it is to offend a person: He took and threw a word, angrier than a pepper... And then sometimes a century is not enough to return a lost heart.
At first glance, everything here is correct and clear. And you should not offend a person under any circumstances, and you need to watch your words when communicating - that’s all true. But there is another very important theme in this short poem, which seems to be in the background and therefore not so noticeable. The offended hero (remaining, as they say, behind the scenes) turns out to be so vulnerable that because of one evil word he is ready to forever close his heart to a person, and to a person close to him, since you can only lose what was yours. From such categoricalness of the hero, from this intolerance of other people’s weaknesses and shortcomings, one becomes alarmed, first of all, for himself. After all, with such a “subtlety” of nature, in the end you can end up completely left in splendid isolation, offended by the whole world. And this state is much more terrible and destructive than the most evil words and insults.
An offended person buries himself alive in the shell of his own claims to others, and even the Lord will not be able to free him from such a terrible imprisonment. Because you can break this shell only from the inside, by sincerely forgiving your offenders. And let the offenders not need our forgiveness at all. But we ourselves urgently need it.
Hieromartyr Arseny (Zhadanovsky), killed by the Bolsheviks in 1937, wrote: “The virtue of forgiveness is also attractive because it immediately brings a reward for itself in the heart. At first glance, it will seem to you that forgiveness will humiliate, disgrace you and elevate your enemy. But that's not the case in reality. You have not reconciled and, apparently, have placed yourself highly - but look, you have placed an oppressive, heavy stone in your heart, and given food for mental suffering. And vice versa: you forgave and, as it were, humiliated yourself, but at the same time you lightened your heart, brought joy and consolation into it.”
How does religion view forgiveness?
Any religion, be it Orthodox, Judaism, Islam, Buddhism and others, treats this issue almost the same way - forgiveness is a positive quality. He who forgives receives God's blessing. There is even a holiday in which everyone asks each other for forgiveness and immediately forgives. But this is an automatic ritual, different from specific moments when you need to forgive seriously, having analyzed the situation.
There is also a well-known dogma - if you forgive others, then God forgives you too. Remember the words from the prayer “Our Father: Lord, forgive me my sins, as I forgive my debtors.” Here the word debtor is considered as “offender”. So forgiveness is the best step for each of us.
Parable about forgiveness:
This mythical story allows us to look at those who have offended us with a different look, in which there is a lot of Light and awareness. It helps to sincerely thank the one who inflicted a spiritual wound, since according to higher knowledge, they are our Teachers, teaching us life and righteousness.
“Before incarnating on Earth, Souls gathered in heaven. And the Lord God asked one of them why she was going to Earth? She answered to learn to forgive. Who should we forgive if all souls are pure, bright, beautiful? They are sincere and love each other so much that they are not able to do anything for which they should forgive.
Turning around and looking at her sisters, the soul realized that she also loved them very much. And then she became sad and said that she really wanted to learn to forgive!
Then one of her sisters came up and said that there was no need to grieve. She is ready to go to Earth with her and help her feel that same forgiveness. She agreed to become her husband and do everything to later ask for forgiveness - drink, cheat.
The Third Soul also did not remain indifferent and said that she would be her mother, and from childhood she would begin to blame, scold, punish, interfere with her life, and she would again forgive in return.
Then the fourth Soul approached her and said that on Earth he would become her boss and would scold her for everything, deprive her of bonuses, force her to work long hours, be unfair and cruel, for which he would have to forgive her.
The next one decided to become an unjust, evil mother-in-law, etc. So all her Soul sisters approached her and together they figured out how to live on Earth and what the scenario should be in order to constantly ask each other for forgiveness and forgive. But once on Earth, each of them forgot about Herself, and even more so about the scenario that had been prepared.
I choose a dream!
I hope now it will be easier for you to forgive people and let go of grievances. Let's accumulate joyful memories that warm the soul, and not heavy cobblestones on the heart. Let's take care of our own energy resources and get rid of the bad habit of being offended by people.
It is also very important to stop being offended by the most important person in your life - yourself. The self-love marathon, created by Elizaveta Volkova and Veronika Kitsenko, will help you with this. Hurry up to reserve your place in the new stream >>>
Forward! With a light backpack behind you, go to your dreams!
(The author of the article is Anna Zhukova, psychologist).
Are there times when you don't need to forgive?
No, such moments cannot happen. If we do not let go of the offense to a person, we will not be able to calmly breathe, feel freedom from the pain that was inflicted on us. There are moments that you cannot forget about until the end of your days. Nobody is asking for this. We are not computers from whose memory we can erase everything and create a blank slate. And the pain that we carry in our souls is a stone that pulls a person down, not up. It only seems to us that it is imperceptible, but at the subconscious level we suffer, albeit invisibly.
All this is good, but what to do if something holds you and does not allow you to let go of the offender? How to learn to forgive, and is it possible? Yes, and those who acquire this skill will never face the problem of forgiveness again.
Why do we get offended
Try to remember your very first offense. It will probably be something from childhood. It is during this period of life that we learn well how to “correctly” be offended by others in order to achieve our goals. Many girls and boys, unfortunately, take this childhood skill into adulthood.
When do we get offended?
- If someone didn't give us something we really wanted (be it a lollipop or a luxurious bouquet of roses on a special occasion);
- If someone did not “read your thoughts” and did not do as you wished (it was out of spite that he did not go to the store to buy bread...);
- If your opponent’s opinion is fundamentally at odds with yours (after all, you are sincerely convinced that you are right, and he is proving something to you).
We are offended simply because we are accustomed to reacting this way since childhood. Touchiness can quietly become part of one’s character - a real bad habit that destroys a person from the inside.
How to forgive - algorithm
Admit your offense. Sometimes it happens that a person does not know what is bothering him. It seems like there was resentment, but it seems like there wasn’t. Therefore, it is necessary to carefully analyze what actually happened. And if there was trouble, admit it.
Release your anger. You have been offended, you are angry, you want justice to prevail - don’t keep it all to yourself, let off “steam”, fight, shout, free yourself from the burden.
An excellent way is to throw a stone, having previously mentally infused into it the image of your offender. Before doing this, moving away from people, tell the stone everything you think about it.
Nothing lasts forever - everything passes, and this too will pass... It is important to understand that in this world nothing lasts forever. Not only joys pass, but also grievances. Believe me, your unpleasant situation primarily harms you, eats you from the inside, and disrupts the rhythm of life.
Look for value. Whatever the situation, there are valuable moments in it, that is, those that give wisdom. And if something unpleasant happens, make the best of it. After all, there is an opinion that our offenders are our Teachers. Apparently they are the very souls thanks to whom we learn to forgive.
Don't blame yourself. Unpleasant situations in which pain is caused to you often become the cause of self-flagellation. If you are tormented by the fact that you allowed a problem, a conflict, to the point where you were offended. This is a really serious situation, which is why it is easier to forgive others than to forgive yourself. This should absolutely not be allowed. Well, you did a lot of business, caused a scandal, asked for insults - well, to hell with it! Forget it! It happens to everyone.
Write yourself a letter. To let go of resentment in moments when emotions surge, simply write a letter to yourself. Start with phrases such as: “I’m very sorry that this happened...”, “Forgive me for that...”, “I am grateful to you for...”. Here we risk running into rejection of these lines by readers.
Someone will say: “Excuse me, why on earth should you start lines with these words if you offended me?” It’s simple, by forgiving others, you also forgive yourself, because in such situations there is not just one culprit. At least two people are to blame - you and...
Talk to the person who hurt you. But do it when your emotions subside. There is no need to sort things out in the midst of a conflict, it will only get worse - you will say a bunch of stupid things again, after which it will be generally difficult to think about a truce. During the conversation, be honest and say how this person’s action or words hurt your soul. You don't have to pretend that you don't care about his relationship. Most likely, you will hear in response that he did not even think of hurting you, everything happened by accident, out of stupidity.
Some people accumulate grievances within themselves for many years, try to restrain and control their emotions, and of course, they have long ago lost trust in the one who hurt them. In such cases, it is quite difficult to forgive a person on your own. Therefore, it makes sense to turn to a psychologist who will help you sort out all the troubles in yourself. The specialist will tell you where to start forgiving and how to start a new life.
Don't look for justice
Don’t expect justice from the situation; this is generally an individual concept. Some have one, some have another. Another aspect of justice is that when you forgive, you hope, even on a subconscious level, that the offender will be punished. Forgive me, but if we touch on the spiritual side of the issue, you are a natural sinner. Push this thought away from yourself, drive it away. And every time it comes to mind, repeat: “I forgive sincerely, unconditionally and am ready to love this person.”
Be practical
Now let's talk about the mercantile side of the issue. It happens that we get offended over trifles. By the way, this is the most common reason. So, they offended us, asked for forgiveness, and we are in a “pose”! Time passes and we desperately need help and support from this person. What to do, because he sincerely admitted his guilt, and we behaved like an “iron block.” What to do now, how to build bridges with him, restore relations. If you had been reasonable, you would have resolved the conflict immediately. And so you will have to come up with something.
So, we have studied - what is the power of Forgiveness, how useful it is to let go of grievances and the offender. Believe me, there is a great and interesting life ahead. Negative types of emotions - resentment, anger, aggression, anger, envy, greed and others - are an extra burden, ballast that does not allow you to fly freely towards your desires and make your dreams come true. Therefore, stop living in the past, because the offense happened once. Everyone makes mistakes in this life, and you are no exception. Perhaps someday you will accidentally offend someone and ask for forgiveness. Forgive and you will be forgiven!
How to forgive, or the story of a would-be traveler
Imagine a tourist. He is going on a long-awaited dream trip, smiling to himself. He is waiting for adventure, and adventure is waiting for him. The adventurer puts the things necessary for the journey into his suitcase. The hero is ready to go towards his happiness.
And then the traveler remembers that he always carries with him a heavy backpack with grievances. With such a load, it will be difficult on the way, and the emotions from the upcoming trip may not be so positive. How can you rejoice when you have such a burden behind you?
If you have also had to carry something heavy, then you understand this traveler. Remember, for example, how they dragged bags full of groceries from the store. What were you thinking then? Probably about where is your hallway, counting the steps to the doors? In such situations, it is impossible to think about anything other than the heavy packages in your hands. Especially about happiness. Do you agree?
Now let's return to our hero, who was at a low start towards his dream. What is he doing?
It’s paradoxical, but the would-be traveler sighs heavily, sits down “on the path,” opens that same backpack and puts another insult there - against himself. Yes Yes! Another insult!
Just think about it: he doesn’t throw away anything that prevents him from achieving his goals and moving forward. The hero simply adds another stone to his collection because the dream is not destined to come true again. After all, he is used to collecting stones in his backpack.
The tourist does not shake out the heavy boulders and stones, but continues to collect them - feeling sorry for himself and accumulating grievances. Even if these regrets are an obstacle to your dream. Yes, resentment can become a bad habit.
Well, let's let go of the image of the traveler, wish him to get rid of self-pity and achieve his cherished adventure. Or maybe even a few magical trips.
Now do you understand why a light backpack on your shoulders is cool? Do you already want to make room for bright impressions and happy moments in your backpack? Soon I will share with you the practices of forgiveness of grievances that I successfully use myself.
Do I have to forgive in order to be free?
Yes, we must be able to forgive in order to be able to move on without drowning in anger, resentment and disappointment. We should not experience victim syndrome, where our internal state causes us pain, but we do nothing to get rid of it. We carry our resentment around as if it were a treasure, we cry out for justice, we revel in our correctness.
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Sometimes those around you can also “add fuel to the fire”: “Oh, how could they do this to you! Yes, I would have them if I were you...” Admit that deep down you like to be offended. As soon as you yourself, without the help of a psychologist, admit that this is so, that this condition is destroying you, you will simply throw away the grievances and truly forgive.
Why do you need to forgive?
The simplest question at the same time seems incredibly difficult. Why forgive a person, knowing in advance that he will offend again one day - not just you, but someone else? Maybe it’s better to punish him so that he gets a good lesson and as an edification to everyone else?
All of humanity has been searching for the answer to this basic question of morality for a very long time: the search is hindered by both the justification of one’s own reluctance and inability to forgive, and the feeling of personal revenge. Everyone internally willingly agrees that forgiving is wonderful. But only until the question directly affects him.
Do you need to take revenge on your offender?
Most people, in a situation where they have experienced all the pain from an insult, have a large or small desire to take revenge on this person. But does it get any easier because you've taken revenge?
Perhaps, after avenging one’s grievances, a feeling of satisfaction initially arises, but then another feeling appears - disgust, resentment for oneself. The one who takes revenge automatically becomes on the same level as his offender and gets dirty in the same dirt.
Negativity attracts negativity
If you focus on negative feelings such as anger, resentment, then your life will be filled with sadness, disappointment and pain. So, let go of the pain and forgive the offender so that your life can become fulfilling.
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Who can you forgive? Really everyone?
A full answer can be Christ’s answer to the Apostle Peter: you need to forgive not just once, not twice, but always and to everyone.
"God! How many times should I forgive my brother who sins against me? up to seven times? Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, until seven times, but until seventy times seven” (Matthew 18:21, 22). It also makes sense to forgive because “...forgive and you will be forgiven” (Luke 6:37).
Does forgiveness equal weakness?
It is difficult to forgive insults and offenders, largely because this requires inner humility, absence of pride and condemnation. For many—almost everyone—to do this, they need to step over their ego, their sky-inflated “I.” It is always easier and even more pleasant to judge - because by doing so we put ourselves above the other. Especially when it comes to actions that are condemned by human laws.
Get to the bottom of things
First and most importantly, you should distinguish between the concepts “you were offended” or “you were offended.” If you were insulted or called some bad word, this certainly applies to the situation when you were offended. If someone told a joke about a husband who arrived from a business trip a day early, or congratulated those present on April 1 - April Fool's Day, and you took the joke or congratulation personally, this means that you were offended.
In the first case, there is no need to forgive anything, but you need to demand an explanation, an apology and a cessation of such behavior from the offender. If your offender does not understand in a good way or you have become a victim of bullying, when it is impossible to cope with the problem alone, you need to act decisively, even going to law enforcement agencies and the court. Such possibilities are provided for by the legislation of the Russian Federation. In particular, liability has been established for libel (128.1 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation), blackmail and extortion (163 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation), insult (5.61 of the Code of Administrative Offenses).
It should be remembered that most offenders are quite cowardly and offend other people only if they are confident in their own impunity. Often it is enough to simply promise to collect evidence of the insult and file a lawsuit in order to cool the ardor of this cowardly and ill-mannered individual. By the way, if after this the aggressor calls you a sneak, you can answer that the countdown has begun, and this particular phrase falls under the article for libel, because defending your rights and dignity is not sneaking.
If you are offended by a joke about your husband arriving from a business trip a day early, or a greeting on April Fool's Day, you should think about why. Perhaps something has been going wrong in your family for a long time, or you have low self-esteem, or you have often been told that you are not very smart, and there are thirteen out of a dozen people like you, which is why you Now you perceive April Fool's Day as your professional holiday. And, naturally, they are not happy when you are reminded of this.
In this case, forgive yourself for being offended and focus on solving your problems on the merits: building healthy family relationships, improving your self-esteem, or working on the foundations for improving your self-esteem. For example, if you feel that you are objectively behind the trends in your profession or the pace of your current life, perhaps you should read more, be more interested in the world around you, and try to learn something new. Then you simply have less time to be offended by something.
And, yes, the person who told you a joke or congratulated you on April 1 is not to blame for your problems and the fact that you were offended. Essentially, if a person is not guilty, then there is nothing to forgive him for. Therefore, you can show nobility and forgive even for what did not happen.
Forgiveness of personal offense
Everyone knows how much effort one has to make on oneself in order to forgive even the simplest everyday personal insults - a scandalous neighbor on the floor, a quarrelsome colleague at work. What can we say about those who committed outright violence against a person or his loved ones?
To truly forgive means not to continue to swear at the offender, even to yourself, not to condemn, to learn to trust again, and to consciously renounce revenge. It's very difficult.
