Marriage is a very serious step! When we quarrel with our parents, we don’t think that we need to look for new ones. So the husband (wife) should become a loved one. One for life! The main thing is not to make a mistake in choosing.
Many people constantly ask themselves the question “I can’t meet my love and I’m on the verge...” How can I find a wife? When will I meet a guy with whom I will connect my life forever? These questions are often asked by young (and not so young) people. They ask, think, pray...
And the answer is very simple: God will give us a person for marriage when He prepares us for marriage! Of course, we can choose for ourselves, make a decision and, without wasting much time getting to know each other, get married, but the further fate of such marriages is unpredictable. Moreover, if problems suddenly arise in family life, we will have no one to blame for this but ourselves.
"Why? - you ask. – Didn’t God promise to take care of us and didn’t he give us freedom of choice? Shouldn’t we trust that He will give us everything we need for life and godliness?” Yes, sure. But the key point is that it is God who must give, and precisely by faith! This means that if we want a person from God, we must trust God to the end. Yes, of course, be sociable, friendly, have friends and communicate with the opposite sex. But in all this, seek God's clear guidance.
It is important for us to believe in God! And believe until the bitter end. Keep yourself - and keep it until the end, for that one person who will become the closest and dearest - forever. There is a big difference: being friendly or making eyes at every guy you meet, in the hope that he will pay attention; be attentive or flirt with the first, second, fifth girl!
Unpreparedness
Why didn't God give me a husband? Why does your loved one continue to pass by and not pay attention and not ask you to marry? Unpreparedness. The Lord gives one person another in marriage only when both come to him, all the priests say it with one voice. If love does not reign in a marriage, there is no responsibility and mutual understanding - such unions are simply unpredictable, because everyone loves only himself.
You must not just believe in God, who always takes care of those who ask and suffer, the main thing is to believe and continue to pray, to preserve yourself for future love and pure relationships. The main thing is to wait and trust God, and not to give marriage vows to anyone you meet.
Can prayer be objectionable?
Complex issue. She may not be heard, rather. Why? Everything depends on the quality of prayer. If a person reads it in a formulaic manner in 15 minutes, without thinking about the words and their meaning, closes the prayer book - and that’s the end of it, what kind of prayer is this? It is not clear to a person what and why he read. But God doesn’t need a template, He needs sincerity.
Who can you pray to while sitting at home? And to God, and the Mother of God, and the saints. Let the prayer be performed in a sitting position, but from the heart. This is better than standing in front of the icons and simply reading the rule without understanding anything in it and without trying to do it.
About life choices
The first rule in this regard is to make the right choice. A man or a woman makes a choice - it’s not so important, the main thing is to follow the right path of a Christian. And an important point is not appearance and fun in the company, but how relationships within the family will be built. After all, the person you love, with whom you are good in company, may absolutely not be suitable for family life.
Almost every priest will say - the Lord does not do anything for nothing, and if today he gives you a bright relationship with a guy who looks after him beautifully and speaks, but tomorrow he takes him away, then God’s providence. The main thing is attention and respect in the family and in certain contrasts he will create the image of his future spouse. As they say, the husband will not only be the master of the house, the jester and the lover in bed, but will be caring and attentive to your problems, loved and loving.
The main thing is not to jump from one extreme to another, but to communicate within the bounds of decency and understand what exactly, what qualities you want to see in your future spouse. And if a girl has previously experienced failures in relationships, do not be upset - this is her own experience, which will be beneficial in the future.
But as many Orthodox priests say, it is important to choose not only by appearance and personal qualities. The main thing is that the man himself helps to grow spiritually, to improve as a true Orthodox Christian. If a girl considers herself a true Orthodox Christian and observes all the canons, the union with such a man will be long and strong. Otherwise, it will simply fall apart, and in particular in our case, the woman is simply doomed to long loneliness.
Condemnation of society
It is important to build harmony in your relationship with yourself first. As soon as a desire arises in the style of “how great it would be to go to a restaurant with a man now,” you need to take yourself there. Enjoy the evening, arrange romance.
Sometimes it may seem that if you appear somewhere in such a place alone, everyone will start thinking something bad and condemning you. But this is an exaggeration. Let them think what they want. Everything people say about another person is actually about themselves. There is no point in taking this personally.
Because you don't do anything
Allowing God to do everything for you is the favorite go-ahead, so to speak, of all lazy people and women who don’t take care of themselves, who just sit on the couch and wait for their prince. But even here it is important to understand that you should not go to extremes and scour all the bars and clubs, other places and look for a husband.
It is important, according to many priests, to lead not just an Orthodox lifestyle, but also an active life. At the same time, activity should not be understood as wearing bright outfits and makeup, or posing for a portfolio on social networks. For example, you can pray to God for a husband, but provided that you have strong faith; in the absence of it, do not avoid communicating with guys.
Regarding active life, everything is purely individual. You can join a choir or volunteer, teach in Sunday school and, in principle, do everything that is not prohibited by Orthodoxy. After all, an active girl, kind and coming to everyone’s aid, can be seen from afar; many people like her.
“You cannot develop by dreaming” - here everyone puts a comma himself, depending on the situation and his own vision of the world. And many girls who don’t have a boyfriend simply forget about some things that they simply don’t have.
- There is no piety. If there is enough piety in a girl’s words, actions and decisions, she will get married at an early age.
- Cold Moon - this is often the name given to girls who simply do not communicate with the opposite sex, avoid male society, and do not even experience any feelings. And even having met a guy, they will doubt for a long time whether this is their husband, whether they made the right choice.
One should not discount a woman’s lack of traditionally feminine qualities - cooking and cleaning, taking care of her husband and children, and so on. Independence and assertiveness, the desire to manage and behave like a man - this attracts few people.
What should the words of prayer be for God to hear them?
A common reason why people do not want to turn to God is ignorance of prayers or misunderstanding of complex church texts. In fact, for the Lord to hear us, He does not need any words at all. In the practice of church services, the Church Slavonic language is used, and the order of the service itself is strictly defined. However, at home, in your personal prayer, you can use completely different texts.
The words themselves do not have a defining meaning; these are not magical spells or spells. The basis of prayer that God hears is a person’s pure and open heart, directed towards Him. Therefore, personal prayer can be characterized by the following signs:
- brevity;
- simplicity;
- sincerity;
- attention;
It is very important during prayer not to scatter attention around, but to focus it on what is being said. This is not so easy to do, so at the beginning of your Christian life you can choose several short prayers that you can read with maximum attention, without being distracted by anything extraneous. Over time, acquiring skill, you can constantly expand and increase the rule.
Interesting! In the Gospel we see the image of a publican who saved his soul, whose prayer was extremely brief: “God, be merciful to me, a sinner.”
Of course, there is a basic list of prayers that everyone who considers themselves an Orthodox Christian should know by heart. This is at least “Our Father”, “I Believe”, “O Mother of God, Virgin, Rejoice...”, Jesus Prayer.
Knowing these texts by heart, you can call on the Heavenly Forces for help in any situation.
Why do you need a prayer rule?
If the Almighty does not need words so much, then the question arises, why then were prayer rules and ready-made texts, moreover, often long and complex, invented? The Holy Fathers say that this is payment for our unrepentance and hardness of heart.
If a person could say the shortest prayer “Lord, have mercy” completely from the bottom of his heart, he would already be saved. But the fact is that we cannot pray so sincerely. And a person really needs consistency and a special routine of prayer.
A prayer rule is a list of texts that a person reads regularly. Most often, the rules from prayer books are taken as a basis, but you can also choose an individual list for each person. It is advisable to coordinate the list with your spiritual father or at least a priest who can give useful advice.
About some prayer rules:
- Schema nun Antonia's prayer rule about murdered babies
Following the prayer rule helps a person organize himself and build his life more clearly and plannedly. The rule will not always be given easily; the bustle of everyday life often leads to laziness, fatigue, and reluctance to pray. In this case, you need to try to overcome yourself, force yourself.
Important! There are words in the Gospel that the Kingdom of God is taken by force - we are not talking about physical strength, but about efforts to change one’s own life and old habits.
You need to choose a rule wisely, taking into account your spiritual capabilities. If a new Christian is given obedience to reading a rule that is too long, this will quickly lead to fatigue, boredom and inattention. A person will either begin to mechanically proofread texts, or will completely abandon such an activity.
On the other hand, it is not beneficial for a person who has been churched for a long time to impose too small and short rules on himself, as this will lead to relaxation in spiritual life. Whatever your rule, you should never forget that the main condition for a prayer that God hears is the sincere disposition of the heart of the person praying.
The priest's answers
Regarding the priest’s answers to the question - why God doesn’t give me a husband, then maybe it’s worth praying earnestly and asking him to grant him a spouse, the qualities necessary for family life. And at the same time, the priests themselves say - God cannot give something to a person, he only provides the right to choose, and we do everything else ourselves.
But at the same time they make a clarification - due to the modern rhythm of life, the lack of desire to repent for sins and pray, we ourselves do not see a possible choice. Pride, as well as inflated demands, simply do not provide such a chance, a choice, often presented on a silver platter by God.
But if a girl gets older every year, but there is still no husband? Maybe marriage is not her destiny? Here the priests say that people can get married at any age, because the years in the passport are not death or a sentence. And age itself should not be an obstacle for the woman herself, a kind of limitation in the search for family happiness.
Who does this happen to?
For the most part, the answer to the question should be sought within oneself, but not in divine or devilish intervention. It is enough to simply analyze your own worldview and principles of life. And, as a rule, among the main ones, we can highlight the following points that are worth paying special attention to.
- Often a woman simply does not need a man. If a person is self-sufficient, lives and works for her own pleasure, spends time with girlfriends and friends, this suits her - she is simply not interested in marriage with a specific man. And if she gets married, her life, habitual and desired way of life will simply collapse. And here you will have to adapt to new realities.
- The ideal man. That’s exactly it and nothing more, but do ideal princes exist in reality and are there enough of them for everyone? And often such idealization of the image of a husband lies in parental education and a simple statement - he is not a match for you. But gradually the beauty fades, and the demands and requests for a potential husband grow.
- Wealth is everything. This is already the reality of modern society, in which young girls marry older men. Such unions are mutually beneficial in the position of beauty - wealth, but when there are many young and well-groomed people, but few rich ones, there are not enough of them for everyone.
- Past failures. If a woman was previously married, but the experience of living together was unsuccessful, she will always be wary of subsequent relationships and unions. But if faith in a person is given from above, it is worth getting married and praying to God to grant light and happiness in the family.
Plus, few of the ladies want to repeatedly give their love and care to their new chosen one. And a man will feel uncomfortable with them, and accordingly there is no need to talk about any kind of marriage. Here you just need to learn to love your neighbor, as it is written in the commandments, or simply always be in splendid isolation.
When exactly can you pray?
The Bible contains the words of the Apostle Paul, who calls us to constant prayer. John the Theologian claims that you need to turn to Christ even more often than you take a breath. Thus, the ideal is when all human life turns into a constant presence before the Lord.
It is safe to say that many troubles occurred precisely because man forgot about the All-Seeing Lord. It is difficult to imagine a criminal committing a crime with the thought of Jesus crucified for his own sins.
Important! A person falls under the influence of sin precisely when he loses the memory of God.
Since modern people do not have the opportunity to be in prayer all day, they need to find a certain time for it. So, when waking up in the morning, even the busiest person can find a couple of minutes to stand in front of the icons and ask the Lord for blessings for the new day. During the day, you can repeat short prayers to yourself to the Mother of God, the Lord, your Guardian Angel. You can do this to yourself, completely unnoticed by others.
A special time is before bed. It is then that we need to look at the day we have lived, draw conclusions about how spiritually it was spent, and what we sinned about. Prayer before bed calms you down, eliminates the bustle of the past day, and sets you up for a quiet, peaceful sleep. We must remember to thank the Lord for all the good deeds during the day and for the fact that it was lived by us.
It may seem to a beginner that doing this requires a lot of time, and now everyone has it in short supply. In fact, no matter how fast the pace of our life is, there are always pauses in which we can remember God. Waiting for transport, queues, traffic jams and much more can be turned from irritating factors into a time when we raise our minds to Heaven.
Prayers of Thanksgiving
We often ask without thanking. The latter must not be forgotten. It would be unpleasant for us to fulfill someone's request and not hear thank you in return. Why should God give us something, knowing our ingratitude?
Is it possible to pray while sitting, read a thanksgiving akathist, or offer a prayer? Are you tired? You feel sick? Sore feet? Then sit and don't worry about it. Sit down, take an akathist or prayer book in your hands, and read calmly, slowly, thoughtfully. Great benefit for the person praying. And God is glad to see such sincere gratitude.
Children's prayer
Is it possible for a child to pray while sitting? Children's prayer is considered the most sincere. Because children are innocent, naive and trust God. It’s not for nothing that the Lord himself said: be like children.
There are concessions for children. Including in the prayer rule. The most important thing is not to force the child to read long and incomprehensible prayers. Let your baby read, for example, “Our Father” before going to bed and talk to God in his own words. This is much more useful than reading out the rules with a cold heart, because mom said so, that is, according to the principle “adults need to.” And it’s not for adults, it’s for the child himself.
