9 egregious rules of Domostroy that are still alive

Propaganda, including Soviet propaganda, played a certain role in the formation of this opinion. Its goal was to create an image of the kingdom of darkness, ignorance and tyranny, which was old Russia. In support of these patterns, opponents of the patriarchal family structure cite quotes about calls for the use of force against their household members, which are present in this monument of Russian literature of the 16th century. It’s not for nothing that people who want to describe the life of a good-for-nothing family, where the children and wife are in constant fear because of the beatings of their hooligan father, use the horror word “Domostroy.”

There are references to assault in this book, but they are, in the words of historian Dmitry Volodikhin, only a detail, marginalia in the margins. In fact, “Domostroy” was a truly revolutionary work for its time, calling on the reader to love, sanity and care for his family in the harsh realities of the ancient Russian State. Let's consider the main instructions from Domostroi, the authorship of which is attributed to Archpriest Sylvester.

Wife needs to ask permission to meet friends

Does this seem crazy to you? But five centuries later, women continue to live this way and “ask” their husbands to meet their friends. For example, the wife of the famous rapper Dzhigan, Oksana Samoilova, admitted that in their family all the rules are set by Dzhigan. And she has no right to meet her friends without him or even have dinner at a restaurant alone.

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Family: strict hierarchy and subordination to elders

Andrey Ryabushkin. The newlyweds are waiting for the crown in the Novgorod province (fragment). 1890−1891. State Tretyakov Gallery, Moscow

Vladimir Makovsky. Peasant children (fragment). 1890. Kharkov Art Museum, Kharkov, Ukraine

Andrey Ryabushkin. The newlyweds are waiting for the crown in the Novgorod province (fragment). 1891. State Russian Museum, St. Petersburg

In medieval Rus', traditional ideas about values prevailed. The Christian model of marriage implied a large family with many children and a patriarchal way of life. People who remained single into adulthood were considered inferior, and deliberate refusal to marry was seen as deviating from the will of God. Moral texts even condemned those who left their loved ones to go to a monastery.

According to Domostroy, the family was a single organism: the breadwinner husband worked and brought food, the wife ran the household, and the children unquestioningly obeyed their parents, even when they grew up. Domostroy clearly delineated the hierarchy and relationships between family members. This reduced the likelihood of quarrels and conflicts: everyone knew their place and responsibilities. The usual means of education were corporal punishment, although beating with sticks or rods was recommended in extreme cases - if conversations did not work.

The rules of conduct applied to all household members, including servants and people who lived dependent on their owners. Servants also had to be educated and punished. And not only to the owner-husband, but also to his wife:

Servants, in the same way, depending on their guilt and on the case, should be taught and punished, and inflict wounds, having punished, rewarded... And for any guilt, do not hit on the ear or in the eyes, neither with a fist under the heart, nor with a kick, nor with a staff, nor with anything Do not hit with iron or wood. Whoever beats like that, many misfortunes happen: blindness and deafness, an arm, a leg, a sprained finger, a headache, and dental disease, and pregnant wives and children in the womb suffer damage...

Servants were required to be praised for good service, and publicly. The hostess had to set an example, intercede and not engage in “empty, mocking, meaningless, shameful speech” with the servants. It was also necessary to strictly ensure that the servants did not gossip or tell strangers about household affairs.

The wife is raising daughters, and the husband is raising sons

How the author of “Domostroy” got it into his head to invent this rule, one can only guess. However, five hundred years ago women did raise girls exclusively, and husbands raised boys. “It’s not like that anymore,” you’ll say, and you’ll be wrong. In the twenty-first century, there are still a lot of families in which one or another parent is involved in raising children, depending on the gender of the child .

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A book about Christian values, family life and business etiquette

Andrey Ryabushkin. At the miraculous icon (fragment). 1894. State Russian Museum, St. Petersburg

Vasily Pukirev. The sexton explains to the peasants the picture of the Last Judgment (fragment). 1868. State Museum of the History of Religion, St. Petersburg

Mikhail Shibanov. Peasant lunch (fragment). 1774. State Tretyakov Gallery, Moscow

A handwritten code of everyday laws appeared at the end of the 15th century in Novgorod; it was popular in the houses of the Novgorod nobility. It is based on ancient collections of similar teachings, for example “Izmaragd” and “Chrysostom”. In different editions, the code of laws was gradually enriched with new recommendations and advice, and over time it included the rules of family life. In the 16th century, the Moscow church leader, confessor and associate of Ivan the Terrible, Archpriest Sylvester, put everything together. He divided the new book Domostroy into three parts. The first told how to pray and behave in church, the second - how to honor the king, the third - how to live in a family and run a household.

Domostroy was read by many: princes and boyars, merchants and poor, literate townspeople. The teachings were based on Christian values: helping the needy, the sick and hungry, not boasting about your good deeds to others, and forgiving offenses. Practical advice concerned different areas of life: how to behave when visiting, how to pickle mushrooms, care for livestock, repair sleighs and household utensils. The text even mentioned business etiquette—how to purchase groceries and pay shopkeepers.

Domostroy of the 16th century became one of the first books devoted to everyday life, although it included a religious section. It went through many reprints and three centuries later regulated the life of Old Believers, city merchants and wealthy peasants.

This is a monument of invaluable importance for our history... it is the flower and fruit of the eternal moral and economic regulations of our life. Domostroy is a mirror in which we can clearly study and reveal all, so to speak, the underground forces of our historical life.
Ivan Zabelin, from the book “Home Life of Russian Queens in the 16th and 17th Centuries”

Save the dowry

Throughout the entire narrative, the reader of Domostroy is faced with calls for the head of the family to tirelessly take care of the well-being of his loved ones and the careful management of the household and everyday life. In other words, the father is obliged to provide full material support, and if he has a daughter, then from a very young age one must begin saving a dowry for the future bride: “ Sensible people set aside any profit for their daughter: in her name or animal they raise the offspring, or from linens, and from canvases, and from pieces of fabric, and from urbs, and from shirts, all these years they put in a special chest for her clothes, and headdresses, and monista, and church utensils, and tin, and copper, and wooden dishes; “Always add a little bit, and not all at once, so you don’t end up at a loss.”

Let's start from the end

The 40 lists of Domostroy that have reached us are conventionally divided into three editions: short, Sylvester and mixed. The first, brief one, is presumably the Novgorod prototype with which Archpriest Sylvester worked. The mixed edition is nothing more than the result of the work of careless copyists (and at that time there were such workers, even among the monks!), who took half the text of the first version, half from the second, and the result was a rather confused text with many repetitions.

The most common is the Sylvester edition. It has been processed, and, in addition, it contains the 64th chapter, written by Sylvester himself in the form of a lesson to his only son Anthimus. This chapter is also called “small Domostroi”, because it sets out the main content of the previous 63 chapters, but only briefly and without repetition. It is written in a very gentle, soft language, in a fatherly way. This is where it’s best to start getting acquainted with Domostroy. Then all suspicions that this collection is severity itself will be dispelled. Such notes of caring can only come from a father who wants his son to grow up as a worthy man.

Just look at the appeals to Anfim: “My dear dear child!”, And Sylvester calls his mother, the mistress of the house, “mother”, “hostess”. The atmosphere of good, kind relations is recreated.

Keep the commandments!

The basis for a prosperous life for all family members according to Domostroy is observance of the commandments. In this part, the author of the book simply retells the basic instructions for every Christian from the Holy Scriptures: “For yourself, master, and wife, and children, and household members, do not steal, do not fornicate, do not lie, do not slander, do not envy, do not offend, don’t make gossip, don’t encroach on someone else’s property, don’t judge, don’t rave, don’t ridicule, don’t remember evil, don’t be angry with anyone, be obedient and submissive to your elders, friendly to the middle ones, friendly and merciful to the younger and poor, everything to rule without red tape and especially not to offend the employee in terms of payment, to endure any insult with gratitude for the sake of God: both reproach and reproach, if rightfully vilified and reproached, accept with love and avoid such recklessness, and do not take revenge in return. If you are not guilty of anything, you will receive a reward from God for this.”

Take care of honor from a young age

Domostroy strongly advises fathers to protect the reputation of their family and ensure that their children do not spoil it. In this regard, neither the head of the family nor his household members are allowed to drink, fornicate, “speak shame,” curse the authorities, or gossip. If even one family member acquires the reputation of a bad person, then a dark stain will fall on the entire family and future generations.

In order to preserve honor from a young age, Domostroy advises, in particular, to be restrained in everything, not to overstay your welcome, and to always be hospitable and courteous.

Virtual idyll and practical reality

To what extent Domostroy reflects reality is perhaps the most difficult question. He paints a picture of ideal relationships with family, with the state, in church, at home. In essence, it is a dream, an example of what could be. Domostroy for its time is the same as Soviet films about a happy life in the 30s. In reality, everything was completely different, but such a movie was watched with delight, because it told about what everyone would like to see in their lives. The movie consoled me and filled me with hope. Domostroy is the same virtual idyll that every family should strive for. Some people do it better, closer to ideal, some do it worse. One thing is indisputable - that Domostroy was read, they listened to him, he was a kind of everyday conscience.

In addition, do not forget about the practical side of the text. Many useful household tips needed in everyday life were very popular with a wide audience. In general, Domostroy is designed for the “middle class”. These are the middle and petty nobility - the document contains a mention of people who own villages. This is a merchant - when it comes to their own business, about a shop. These are both wealthy peasants and the urban class - when mention is made of households and the payment of household taxes. Domostroy offers everyone a rational approach in the right area.

It is interesting that Domostroy treats everyone—nobleman, merchant, city dweller, peasant—as equals. This means that in those days there was no strong difference between the elite of society and the lower classes. Everyone spoke the same language, had the same ideals, wore clothes of the same cut, sewn in the same fashion - maybe some had richer fabric, some simpler. The mentality was the same, and Domostroy, of course, influenced minds.

In other words, this collection is not just a collection of rules and conventions. This is a completely rational basis for life, and in a society with an irrational belief system. In a sense, Domostroy was even ahead of its time. And perhaps it’s in vain that, from the bell tower of our 21st century, we look so skeptically at this monument of the “Dark Middle Ages”?

To fear is to respect

In Domostroy there are words that cut the ear - to be afraid of your husband, to listen with fear. However, the scenes of the outpouring of unrighteous male anger have nothing to do with it - in the ancient Russian language the meaning of these words was completely different. At that time, to be afraid, that is, to have the fear of God, meant respect, recognition, and understanding. It’s not for nothing that they still say today, albeit with a completely different accent: “To fear means to respect.” To be afraid of a husband means, first of all, to be with him in both sorrow and joy, to fulfill one’s duty towards the home, to raise children, to be a support and help to one’s spouse. Of course, this includes recognition of the husband's seniority. But this is not the spouse who, in front of the TV or with a newspaper in his hands, forgets about earthly vanities, and, on occasion, hits the table with his fist! His duty is to be the head of the family, to take care of his household, to teach them the right life, because he is responsible for this before God and before the sovereign, and even before public opinion, “neighbors.” The seniority of the husband in the house is not self-will or a manifestation of male tyranny; this phenomenon is quite natural for that time. This is one of the principles of the world order, the key to order.

Then - not now...

What are the features of the thinking of people in Russia in the 16th century? One of them is inertia, that is, constancy in views and tastes, traditionalism. Which, by the way, didn’t make bad sense at all. Progress and all kinds of changes are important for the new time. (Remember Pushkin’s words: “He was overcome by restlessness, a desire to change places.”) For people of the 16th century, each new year is similar to the previous one. After all, calendar days are tied to the agricultural cycle of sowing, growing, and harvesting. This is the most important aspect of life, which determines everything else: whether the family survives depends on the harvest. Therefore, if today dynamics is considered a good indicator in the development of society, then in the Middle Ages conservatism was assessed unconditionally positively.

Modern people think in relative categories (for example, a session is a wonderful time for teachers, but for students it is the “end of the world”, which inevitably occurs twice a year). Today there are not so many truths that are absolute for everyone - perhaps the multiplication table. In the Middle Ages, on the contrary, there are practically no relative truths, there are only axioms that must be accepted without any evidence: hierarchy in society is natural, it is necessary to obey those who are higher in class, etc. Such thinking is irrational, it is based on faith, and in this case a person does not need evidence. Any attempt to demand them is perceived almost as treason, as apostasy. (This explains, for example, why the pioneers at the debates of the 20s could not achieve anything from the grandmothers who believed in God: the children demanded proof of the existence of God, and the grandmothers simply did not understand what was being said.)

You also need to understand that at that time the perception of relations in the state and in the family was almost the same. In the text of Domostroy, because of this, ambiguity even arises: both the Tsar-Father and the owner of the house are called sovereign. It turns out that it is no coincidence that in the leader of the state we are accustomed to seeing a father-breadwinner, a protector. But this is a sign of archaic thinking: in the tribal system, the head of the community became the oldest and wisest relative. This primitive communal feature does not disappear either in the Middle Ages, or in the 19th century, or even at the end of the 20th.

By the way, from what has been said above we can conclude that Domostroy is not a harsh work - after all, a family cannot be built on relationships with sticks. And parents, no matter how strict they are, still take care of their children and household members, look after them, and wish them well.

Our ancestors also had a different attitude towards their own destiny - this is another feature. In the modern world, it is more often the enterprising, proactive person who achieves success, rather than the passive one (a kind of Stolz or Ostap Bender). The medieval Russian “doer” tends, rather, to go with the flow, to submit to the existing course of things, than to act as the creator of his own destiny. (Let us remember the folk heroes Emelya and Ivanushka the Fool, who, by the way, always achieve success!) It is not a person who shapes the world order, but on the contrary - the world order dictates a person’s way of life. In addition, there is a belief that conscientious service always leads to encouragement and promotion. This “submissive” attitude towards fate changes after Peter’s reforms, when European values are forcibly instilled in Russia. However, only the elite of Russian society accepted the innovations. The middle class and lower classes continue to live in the previous value system, according to the Domostroy way of life.

Let's try, while reading Domostroy, to take these features into account. Then it will become obvious that for its time this collection was a very humane work, very intelligently written, and, what is important, very rational.

Domostroy: norms of family life in Rus'

✅For several centuries in Rus', the rules of worldly, family and spiritual life were regulated by Domostroy - a collection of instructions. It contained advice on housekeeping, raising daughters and sons, behavior at home and away. Read how a good wife, a fair husband and polite children should have behaved.

How families lived in Rus'

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Domostroy of the 16th century became one of the first books devoted to everyday life, although it included a religious section. It went through many reprints and three centuries later regulated the life of Old Believers, city merchants and wealthy peasants.

This is a monument of invaluable importance for our history... it is the flower and fruit of the eternal moral and economic regulations of our life. Domostroy is a mirror in which we can clearly study and reveal all, so to speak, the underground forces of our historical life.

Ivan Zabelin, from the book “Home Life of Russian Queens in the 16th and 17th Centuries”

Family: strict hierarchy and subordination to elders

In medieval Rus', traditional ideas about values prevailed. The Christian model of marriage implied a large family with many children and a patriarchal way of life. People who remained single into adulthood were considered inferior, and deliberate refusal to marry was seen as deviating from the will of God. Moral texts even condemned those who left their loved ones to go to a monastery.

According to Domostroy, the family was a single organism: the breadwinner husband worked and brought food, the wife ran the household, and the children unquestioningly obeyed their parents, even when they grew up. Domostroy clearly delineated the hierarchy and relationships between family members. This reduced the likelihood of quarrels and conflicts: everyone knew their place and responsibilities. The usual means of education were corporal punishment, although beating with sticks or rods was recommended in extreme cases - if conversations did not work.

The rules of conduct applied to all household members, including servants and people who lived dependent on their owners. Servants also had to be educated and punished. And not only to the owner-husband, but also to his wife:

Servants, in the same way, depending on their guilt and on the case, should be taught and punished, and inflict wounds, having punished, rewarded... And for any guilt, do not hit on the ear or in the eyes, neither with a fist under the heart, nor with a kick, nor with a staff, nor with anything Do not hit with iron or wood. Whoever beats like that, many misfortunes happen: blindness and deafness, an arm, a leg, a sprained finger, a headache, and dental disease, and pregnant wives and children in the womb suffer damage...

Wife: “To please God and my husband”

In Rus' it was customary to enter into arranged marriages. The life partner was chosen by relatives, and often there was no talk of mutual love between future spouses. Only older grooms could choose their bride and negotiate their own future wedding. Marriages were dissolved in rare cases; the family was considered a value that should be protected throughout life.

The word “domostroy” today is associated primarily with the patriarchal way of life. In fact, a married woman from the people lived locked up, doing only housework. The norms of Domostroy established that the wife must be “clean and obedient”, fulfill her duties - run the household and raise children. She was ordered to be silent, kind, hardworking, and to consult her husband in all matters. At the same time, the husband, as the head of the house, must teach and raise not only the children, but also the wife, and then “everything will be smooth, and everything will be complete.”

A good wife makes her husband happy, their life passes in harmony. A kind, hardworking, silent wife is her husband’s crown. If a husband has found a good wife, he only takes good things out of his home.

Domostroy

The woman in the book was called the “empress of the house,” and her main task was “to please God and her husband.” She supervised the education of children, the work of servants, the replenishment of supplies, and distributed responsibilities among family members. Household members, with the exception of her husband, were obliged to obey and help her.

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The book described in detail how to behave in different situations and even what you can talk about at a party:

If there are guests, or where you are, sit down at the table and change into your best dress, and beware of your wife from drinking drunkenly. A husband is drunk - bad, and a wife is drunk - and unfit for the world. Talk with guests about handicrafts, about housekeeping... If you don’t know, ask good wives, politely and affectionately, and whoever points out something, hit him low with his forehead.

Domostroy

The housewife was not encouraged to be idle and set a bad example for the servants: she had to spend all her time free from housework doing needlework. Even aimless conversation was considered a sin.

Domostroi said that “it is bad if a wife commits fornication, indulges in drinking, slander and communicates with wise men.” The unrighteous “empress” undermined discipline and set a bad example for the servants. In special cases, the wife had to be punished, and not only in words. The spouse should be “taught” in private, and not in front of people, and then he should be caressed and pitied.

Children: “stand politely and don’t look around”

Domostroy prescribed that children should be raised in strictness : children should “always be at rest, well-fed and clothed, and in a warm home, and always in order.” Responsibilities for upbringing were assigned to both the mother and the father. Sons and daughters were to be monitored until they got married. The pedagogy of Domostroy included several aspects: teaching the “fear of God,” knowledge, politeness, crafts and handicrafts.

Children from an early age began to help adults; work was one of the main Christian virtues. Laughter and self-indulgence were considered sins, and parents were advised not to even smile while playing with their children. In upbringing, it was recommended to take into account the characteristics of the child: “According to the children, depending on their age, they should be taught handicrafts - mothers of daughters, fathers of sons, who is capable of what, what opportunities God will give to whom.” Children helped with housework; from the age of seven or eight, mothers taught their daughters how to sew, and fathers taught their sons their craft, such as blacksmithing or pottery. A diploma was considered optional. The child was taught to write and read only if they planned to send him to the civil service or to become a confessor. A separate chapter of Domostroy was devoted to the future marriage of their daughters; parents were advised to collect clothes and utensils as a dowry in advance.

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Domostroy prescribed that children should be taught proper behavior, or “vehity.” In one of the chapters they advised how to behave for a son in someone else’s house: “don’t pick your nose with your finger, don’t cough, don’t blow your nose, stand politely and don’t look around.” The child was instructed not to talk too much or eavesdrop - this is how they tried to protect the house from gossip and quarrels with neighbors.

Responsibility for the children was placed on the parents: if the children sinned through an oversight, then the mother and father will be held accountable on the Day of Judgment. Well-bred children in old age had to take care of their parents when they got sick or “became impoverished in mind.” You couldn’t scold your parents, otherwise you’d be damned before God.

Whoever beats his father or mother will be excommunicated from the church and from shrines, let him die a cruel death from civil execution, for it is said: “The father’s curse will dry up, and the mother’s will eradicate.

In the chapter “How to teach children and save them through fear,” corporal punishment was recommended. Moreover, only boys were allowed to beat: “execute your son from his youth... if you beat him with a rod, he will not die, but will be healthier.” In the Middle Ages, corporal punishment for boys was common not only in Rus': it is believed that this way the future warrior was prepared for hardships and strengthened his character. Girls were only to be severely scolded for their offenses. published.

Author Margarita Kovyneva

on the topic of the article here

Why were they beaten?

What was the reason for such cruel treatment of women? Sometimes wives themselves gave reasons for their husband’s dissatisfaction. Sometimes women behaved unworthily, used swear words against their spouses, drank alcohol and stared at other people's boyfriends.

But this was not the case in all cases, and sometimes the beatings were carried out for no reason, to maintain only the man’s authority. Often beatings were used as a means of putting pressure on an annoying spouse to accept monasticism. Husbands used this measure in order to marry another chosen one.