The death of a close relative causes psychological trauma, which can manifest itself in different ways. Some people “withdrawn” into themselves, others shed tears or blame themselves for what happened.
Some people become irritated and angry at others; they don’t want to see, hear, or answer questions. There are people whose consciousness refuses to accept reality and denies what is happening.
During this sometimes very difficult condition, you need to make responsible decisions about the funeral. It's good to have friends who are ready to help in difficult times and do the work for you. If there is no one to trust, then you need to take your will into a fist and engage in organizational work in order to honorably see off your loved one on their last journey.
The first step, after the death of a person, is to notify all relatives, friends, colleagues and closest neighbors about this tragic event. Even if you did not like the person with whom the deceased had close contact, you need to inform him.
You can notify: in person, by telephone, telegram and other means of communication used by friends and family.
How to respond to condolences
When the moment of farewell comes, everyone who knew the deceased gathers together and decides to see him off in person. Each of those present tries to express their condolences and words of support.
Many people do not know how to respond to expressions of grief or how to behave. Of course, there are rules of etiquette that require polite responses to everyone who contacts you.
For example, you can answer:
- I am grateful for your support;
- I am pleased to hear how much his friends appreciated (father, mother, etc.);
- I try not to lose heart and your support helps me with this;
- Thank you for your kind words.
Nobody forces you to say cliched phrases if you don't want to. It is best to say what is in your heart, what you really want to say.
Question and answer
How to respond to the condolences of a person with whom the deceased had a long and acute conflict?
“Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who mistreat you,” says the Gospel of Matthew. Naturally, not everyone will find enough meekness and humility to respond to such condolences with gratitude. Silence will become an accessible and acceptable solution to the situation.
How to notify acquaintances of the deceased who are not known to his family?
In this case, it is appropriate to send SMS with the corresponding content to those numbers that are saved in the deceased’s mobile phone.
When is it okay not to respond to written condolences?
If the sender does not provide personal information, you do not have to send a response of gratitude for condolences.
how to express condolences over a death
You need to answer without thinking, what comes from the heart. Any words will do, because people come to say goodbye to the deceased, and not to check whether you know the rules of etiquette.
Sometimes, a simple, friendly hug or touch of hands will say more than any words. Much depends on who expresses sympathy - if it is a close, dear person - you can silently hug and nod. You can talk about the deceased, talk about his last words, the last minutes of his life. If this is an acquaintance of the deceased whom you do not know well, say: thank you, thank you, I am grateful to you for coming to see (N) off on his last journey.
After the funeral, you can thank everyone present for their participation, support and inform about the place and time of the funeral.
Replies to written condolences
Sympathy and support are often expressed in writing. Most often, such condolences are sent by distant relatives, out of town or abroad. For each such letter, it is advisable to send a short response with simple words of gratitude, for example:
- “Thank you for sharing our grief during this difficult time.”
- “We express our sincere gratitude for your prayerful support. May the Lord protect you."
- “Thank you for your sympathy on our bereavement.”
- “It is difficult to find words that would fully express our gratitude for the deep condolences you sent. Heartfelt gratitude for your support and sympathy."
How to respond to condolences in a message
Many people do not know how to respond to condolences in writing. Now, thanks to the Internet and mobile communications, many convey condolences in writing: in messages and SMS.
Sometimes there are a lot of such messages and there is simply no strength or desire to respond to everything. Moreover, this is not necessary. No one is waiting for a reply SMS from you. On a social network, you can post one post, with gratitude, for everyone who responded to the message about the death and expressed sympathy.
But, even if you remain silent, everyone will perfectly understand your state - after all, you have no time for social networks at this moment.
The same applies to condolences in letters and telegrams - they do not require answers. You can’t even read them right away, but when you’re really ready for it. There is no need to worry about the fact that you do not know how to respond to condolences for the deceased - people will accept any answer you give as due.
What not to say on the occasion of death
Psychologists recommend that you also need to take into account the fact that you need to be very delicate and careful in your statements about the deceased person. It's hard enough for someone who has lost their loved one. Any speech related to the deceased can either reduce grief or increase it. Therefore, you need to carefully consider how you are going to express your feelings of condolences:
- Do not devalue the experiences and feelings of someone who is experiencing sad emotions due to the loss of a loved one. There is no need to say “Everything will be fine,” “It’s okay,” and so on. Such phrases can deeply hurt the mourner.
- If the mourner does not want to talk and accept condolences, there is no need to get angry about this and take it as an insult. Respect the person who is grieving for the deceased; it is very difficult for him. Therefore, do not insist on talking or put pressure on him.
- It is especially not recommended to ask “Why are you still crying?” and say “Don’t cry, the dead man will choke on your tears in another world.” Such phrases will not be regarded as support and moral help, but as an insult.
- Phrases about the deceased such as “He will be better there” will also only upset his relative; they will not help him at all to cope with the loss.
- Never compare the death of one person to another. Comparisons of losses like “It can be worse” and “N’s husband died...” are perceived as extreme rudeness and disrespect for the deceased and the person grieving for him.
- Accusations. It is impossible to judge and say that “It’s your own fault that N died.” If you think that this will in any way ease the suffering and sadness of someone who is experiencing the death of a loved one, then you are extremely wrong. A grieving person does not need you to look for someone to blame or blame him for his death.
- The phrases “I perfectly understand how hard it is for you,” “I know exactly how you feel at the moment,” and “I also feel pain, and to a greater extent than you” will devalue the feelings of the grieving person. It is necessary to respect his feelings, but not belittle their importance.
Some psychological studies report that people are often afraid to have any contact with people who have lost a loved one, because they do not know at all how and what to say. It seems to them that there is some correct option, but they will definitely say something wrong. As a result, they completely distance themselves from the one who needs support more than ever. It is worth noting that this behavior may be a consequence of the fear of death.
Instead of all these phrases above, it is better to tell the person that you are always there if he needs you. That you are always happy to help him in every way possible. Also try to express your compassion not only through words, but also through actions.
In the world religion of Islam, condolences have a special name - Tazia. Moreover, it is customary to express sympathy for death before the burial of the dead body and in the first few days immediately after the recorded death. Expressing condolences after three days is forbidden in religion.
Mourning etiquette
If a person dies in your family, it is a time of difficult worries. First of all, you will have to inform everyone about the incident. This is not easy to do, but it is necessary.
According to mourning etiquette, you need to notify all your acquaintances, even if they are far away and even those whom you personally do not like, but may have had a good relationship with the deceased.
For those who live nearby, it is better to inform them when you meet, but it is impossible to get around everyone; there is an option to send messages by email or SMS, but this is not very polite, and suddenly the person does not receive them. Therefore, it is better to call in person and say at least a few words. And also be sure to tell us where and when the funeral will be, leave your contact information so that people can clarify the information.
It turns out that you are in grief and you have to do a lot of things: communicate, run around shops and funeral homes. Nothing can be done, gather your will into a fist. Now this is the best thing you can do for the deceased - to see him off with dignity on his last journey
.
People will come to the ceremony, some you don’t even know, they will want to express words of sympathy, think about how to react to them.
Funeral meal
After the burial, it is customary to invite people to the wake; everyone comes. Christians traditionally serve pancakes and kutya (a dish with wheat, nuts and raisins).
At the wake, those who wish to speak about the deceased, but it is not customary to say bad things; it is better to remain silent. What can you tell those present and how?
- It is better to perform standing;
- Start with the address: “Friends”, “Dear relatives”;
- Introduce yourself, tell us how you know the deceased;
- List his positive qualities. Even if you think that there were not many of them, the negative ones can be presented from the other side: grumpy
- critical of life,
stupid
- gullible,
stubborn
- principled; - You can remember interesting incidents from life. Sometimes people read corresponding poems, their own or the author's.
The main thing is not to delay the speech, there are others who want to, and this is not the case. Draw conclusions that the person did not live in vain, offer words of condolences, and give way to the next one.
The death of a loved one is always a difficult event, but you have to take care of business, organize the funeral process - you have to pull yourself together. To make it a little easier for you to think of how to respond to condolences, use the phrase templates that we have offered you.
The main thing is to remember that life goes on, a good memory of a deceased person can be his reward for everything he did.
When you come to a funeral...
The opposite situation - you are paying a condolence visit, how to behave correctly? Remember some simple rules:
- Do not dress flashily and brightly; dark colors are appropriate now: women in long skirts, men in suits;
- Bring napkins or a handkerchief so you can wipe away your tears when your feelings become overwhelming. Or maybe someone present will need the supplies;
- Remove large jewelry and leave large bags at home;
- Have a conversation, but keep silence;
- And don’t follow the coffin, let your relatives go ahead.
Do you understand that you need to approach your loved ones and communicate, show your participation, but you don’t know what words to use when expressing condolences? Take simple phrases:
- «It’s difficult for me to find the right words of consolation, but I sincerely sympathize with your grief
»; - «I'm deeply shocked by what happened, hang in there
…»; - «Let me offer you my condolences
».
If you are far away at the time of the funeral, it’s okay; it is believed that you can communicate with your family at another time. This will not look like a belated reaction, on the contrary, you came as soon as you could, which means you remember and worry.
Is it necessary to respond to letters of condolences regarding the death of a loved one?
If a person was unable to attend the funeral and did not find time to call, this leads to certain thoughts. You can call and support the relatives of the deceased even while in prison or hospital, so writing a letter in response to a death certificate is a rather strange act. Usually this is done by people who did not know the deceased well, and in this case, writing a letter of condolences is just a routine reply. You can respond to such condolences with a template letter of gratitude.
The same applies to condolences in messengers (Whatsapp, Telegram, Viber, etc.). An exception can be made only for those who cannot speak for objective reasons. For example, these include deaf and mute disabled people and patients who have undergone glossectomy surgery. In other cases, a person can always call and personally say: “Condolences!” After all, no one demands long mourning texts with the right words from the interlocutor; condolences can be expressed in a couple of clumsy phrases.
