How to choose the right godparents for a child, and who cannot become a godfather? What requirements does the Orthodox Church place on them, and what do godparents need to know before the ceremony? How not to make a mistake when choosing spiritual mentors for a child? Let's figure it out.
Baptism is not an ordinary tradition passed down through the centuries. This is a sacrament, a special rite that marks the second, spiritual birth of a person. It is believed that grace descends on the one who receives baptism, and from that moment on, the Christian gains a guardian angel, under whose protection he will be for the rest of his life.
Basic Church Requirements
Baptism is the first and most important sacrament of Christians. Through baptism a person becomes a member of the church and receives admission to other sacraments. The Russian Orthodox Church does not set a minimum age for religious conversion. At the initial stage of Christianity, baptism took place in a different order from the modern one. They prepared for it in advance, for several months. During this time, converts underwent a test of faith (fulfilling the commandments), learned the basics of Christian teaching, and performed rituals.
The introduction of the sacrament of the godparents into the ritual appeared when Christians were persecuted and were forced to hide their religion. The godfather was a religious man who knew closely the person who wanted to join the Christian faith. He was a guarantee to the Christian community that the person was sincere in his religious intentions. He was entrusted with the preparation for the announcement and he was required to be present at the sacrament.
The announcement took place in the church: the clergyman named by name the people who were allowed to attend services before baptism, with the exception of the sacrament of Holy Communion.
Among Christians of this period (II-IV centuries) there was a belief that during baptism all past sins were forgiven. For this reason, people tried to be baptized as late as possible. The Church fought against this superstition. When Christianity became the leading religion, they began to try to introduce them to the sacrament from infancy.
Since the child was not able to fulfill the conditions of the ritual, his godfather/godmother began to perform this for him. In 397, the Council of Carthage approved the rule according to which Christian parents who did not agree to baptize their infants were anathematized (excommunicated from the church).
The rite of announcement began to quickly be replaced by the baptism of babies. The timing of the rites of passage for infants and minors has varied throughout the millennia of Christian history. The Gospel of Mark quotes Jesus as saying that he who believes and is baptized will be saved (that is, the convert must be aware of his actions at baptism).
Gregory the Theologian explains his attitude to the baptism of children: if there is a danger to health, then they are baptized from the first days of life; for healthy children - baptism at the age of 3, when the child will be able to repeat after the priest and understand the words of the prayer.
Currently, clergy recommend that parents baptize their children as early as possible, so as not to frighten the child with an unfamiliar environment and a stranger who takes him in his arms and performs incomprehensible manipulations.
The Russian Orthodox Church has retained the procedure of announcement before baptism. Newly converted adults and children over 7 years of age are required to take it. When performing baptism on infants and children under 7 years of age, both parents and recipients must undergo preparation.
The child's godparent must be an Orthodox Christian. Atheists and people of other faiths (Muslims, Buddhists, Protestants, Catholics) are not allowed to participate in the rite of Baptism. The successor to the relatives of the father and mother must not only be baptized in Orthodoxy, but also attend church services, adhere to rituals and traditions, and know the basic prayers.
An Orthodox father and mother cannot be godparents for their children at the same time. A married couple cannot be godparents to one child. Consent to spiritual kinship must be conscious, since it means participation in the upbringing of the godson.
For this reason, minors cannot be appointed as foster children. Before the sacrament of Baptism, the priest can clarify how old the future godparent is. A minor baptized in Orthodoxy can be a spiritual guardian if he understands his responsibility before God.
Where did the baptism take place?
From various sources it is known that the baptism of Jesus Christ took place on the Jordan River in the village of Bethavara. But where this very place is located for certain is still being debated. The fact is that in Palestine at that time there were several villages with the same name.
View of Al-Makhtas (Wadi al-Harar) from Qasr al-Yahuda, the supposed site of the Baptism of Jesus Christ. Modern Orthodox Church of John the Baptist. Photo: Commons.wikimedia.org / Idobi
For a long time it was believed that Bethawara was located on Israeli territory, near the town of Qasr El-Yahud, which is four kilometers from the place where the Jordan River flows into the Dead Sea, next to the crossing.
Later, thanks to a mosaic indicating all the Christian Shrines in the Church of St. George, in the Jordanian city of Madaba, it was possible to find out that the place of the baptism of Jesus Christ is not in Israel, but on the opposite bank of the river, in the territory of modern Jordan in the town of Wadi el-Harar.
It is noteworthy that in the place where the Baptism ceremony took place almost two thousand years ago, there is no longer any water - the river has changed its course.
In support of this version, in Wadi el-Harar, in a dry place in 1996, archaeologists discovered the ruins of three Byzantine churches and a marble slab. It is believed that there was a column with a cross on it, installed during early Christianity at the site of the Baptism of Jesus Christ.
It is this column that is often mentioned in written testimonies of pilgrims of the Byzantine era who visited the Holy Places.
Your baby was born, he is at home, has gotten a little used to his surroundings and has even learned to smile... But now the next question arises: when can a newborn be baptized? How many days later is a newborn child baptized?
On the one hand, the baby is still so weak, and on the other, his relatives insist that he be baptized as quickly as possible, they say, so he will have protection. Still others, answering the question of when to baptize a newborn, argue that it is better to baptize him later, so that the sins he has committed will be forgiven.
Who can't be godfather
To understand why only an Orthodox Christian can be a recipient, we must remember the essence of the sacrament. During Baptism, the second (spiritual) birth of a person occurs. His soul gains access to the grace of God, protection from the influence of a sinful world.
A baptized child can be given communion, pray for his health, and in case of misfortune, he can be buried according to Christian custom, so that his soul will enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Children are most often baptized from 8 to 40 days after birth in order to be able to pray for their health. During Baptism, the spiritual parent makes a promise for the godson to observe the norms established in the Holy Scriptures and in the Orthodox tradition.
With the completion of the sacrament, his duties include constant communication with the child. If for some reason (a quarrel with his parents, leaving for another area) he cannot see his godson regularly or at all, then he is obliged to constantly pray to the Lord for him, asking for health, strengthening in faith, and choosing the right path in life.
Knowing the conditions and consequences of baptism, persons are determined who cannot be invited to become the child's guardian. Parents should know that it is impossible to change godparents in the future.
The Orthodox Church does not allow this, because for this you need to go through the baptismal rite again. But the sacrament is possible only once in a lifetime. If the godparent leads an immoral lifestyle, then with the blessing of the priest you can find another spiritual mentor, but he will not be the godparent.
Representatives of other religions and atheists
You cannot become a recipient if your own views are different from Orthodox and Christian. Buddhists, Muslims, Jews do not believe in Jesus Christ and his teachings. The words spoken by such people at the sacrament have no weight; the grace of God will not descend on the child.
Catholics and Protestants are Christians, but differences in beliefs will not make it possible to introduce a child to Orthodoxy to the fullest. The Catholic and Protestant religions differ from the Orthodox in relation to saints and celebrations of major Christian events (Christmas, Easter and others).
The parents themselves
The tradition of godparents comes from the early Christian period. Godparents were supposed to be close family friends whom the children knew well. In the event of the death of the father and mother, the community entrusted the care of minors to the godfather and mother. Thus, Christianity protected children who became orphans.
In the event of the loss of parents, the adoptive parents were obliged to take care of not only the spiritual, but also the material support of the child. The foster child is not a substitute for father and mother in educational matters, he became a member of the family.
For this reason, the church imposed restrictions on church marriages:
- between godfather and goddaughter;
- godfather and mother of the child;
- godson and godmother;
- godfather and godmother of one child.
These situations should be taken into account when selecting spiritual caregivers. In 2021, the Council of Bishops allowed godfathers of one child to marry with the permission (blessing) of the bishop of the diocese.
Monastics
Monks and nuns cannot be trustees, despite the fact that they are superior to the laity in religion and piety. The Church forbids them to participate in the sacrament, since, having entered monasticism, they renounced earthly life, devoting it to serving the Lord.
Mentally ill
A mentally ill person is not aware of his actions. He is incompetent and must be under constant supervision. Choosing such a person as a successor would be a mistake. His presence at the ceremony and being recorded as a godfather actually has no consequences. The child will not be able to find spiritual support from him or learn about Orthodoxy.
Immoral
Loose and unethical people should not be trustees. A bad example is contagious. If parents do not want their child to succumb to the influence of such a godfather in the future, then they must carefully select a trustee. Rudeness, rudeness, lies, debauchery are sins. Immoral people are sinners.
Drunk
Addiction to alcohol deprives a person of reason and the ability to act adequately. Drunkards do not attend church and do not remember their responsibilities. There can be no excuse for the fact that an alcoholic does not drink every day and has periods of sobriety. The child has a long life ahead of him. You should not hope that in difficult times his godfather will be sober and provide support. In addition, the main duty of godparents is to pray for their ward. A drunk person does not remember to pray.
Minors
Children under 14 years of age, by law, are considered minors and incompetent. Parents/guardians are responsible for their care. Decisions made by a teenager without their consent are invalid. For this reason, a young child cannot be a godparent.
Silver pectoral cross
This subject is central to the entire procedure. It is by putting a cross on a child that the clergyman accepts him as a member of the Church. According to the rules of baptism, the godfather must purchase a pectoral cross.
However, if the latter has a difficult financial situation, the child’s parents can also take on this responsibility. Such a cross can be purchased both in the church itself and outside it. However, it is worth remembering that a cross purchased in a regular jewelry store should be illuminated before starting the sacrament of baptism itself.
Kryzhma
A large piece of fabric or a special towel that is used to swaddle the baby during the sacrament. Unlike the cross, this attribute must be presented by the godmother. The size of the kryzhma depends on the age of the godson.
If a child is baptized under the age of three months, then a kryzhma of 80x80 cm is suitable. For the baptism of older children, they usually buy a cloth measuring 100x100 cm. In addition to the size, the color of the kryzhma and the material from which it is made play an important role. As for color, the church rules here clearly state: the kryzhma must be white.
A baptismal set for a boy usually includes a strict white cap. For girls' sets, decor is allowed. When choosing a material, you must be guided by practicality: the fabric should be pleasant to the body and have good absorbent properties.
After the ceremony, the canvas must be preserved. It is believed that it acquires miraculous properties during the ritual and is capable of healing the baptized person in the future. Requirements for the material are dictated by considerations of practicality: the fabric must be natural and absorb well.
Christening outfit
The christening set for a boy includes a shirt, and for girls - a dress with a cap.
The outfit should be light colors, which symbolizes the solemnity of the moment, as well as the purity and purity of the baptized person. The best option would be a white outfit, but you can also give preference to ivory or champagne. The godmother also buys a dress or shirt for baptism.
In addition, care must be taken to ensure that the density of the fabric matches the time of year when the sacrament is performed. Typically, a baptismal set for a boy or girl contains natural fabrics.
Preference is given to white clothing, as it is a symbol of purity. The density of the fabric should be chosen depending on the weather conditions of the time of year in which the child is baptized. In addition, it should certainly be comfortable and pleasant for the baby.
In addition, you need to ensure that you have:
- towels for the priest;
- three church candles - during the sacrament they are placed in special candlesticks on the font and lit.
Tips and tricks for choosing
By definition, adoptees become family members, so you need to choose from people you know well and can trust to communicate with children. They must not only be sincere Orthodox believers. These should be friendly people who love children.
For this reason, they try to look for guardians among married people who have their own children and who have developed a parental instinct.
A child should be baptized by people who have a good relationship with his parents, with whom they have known for a long time. There are superstitions that may cause worthy people to refuse the honorable role of trustees. For example, unmarried girls should not become the godmother of a girl for the first time, otherwise her family life will not work out. They do not offer spiritual care to pregnant women.
How to choose godparents
Choosing godparents is a responsible and difficult matter. Having gone through all your close relatives and friends, you need to settle on the most worthy and moral people who can give your child an Orthodox upbringing. The Church sets a number of restrictions when choosing recipients.
You cannot choose the following as godparents:
- clergy;
- people professing a religion other than Orthodoxy;
- atheists;
- those who have not reached church adulthood (13 years for girls and 15 years for boys);
- a couple about to get married.
When looking for godparents, you should choose a person who:
- Copes well with children. This will be useful both during the ceremony itself and during the performance of subsequent duties of spiritual education.
- Characterized by a decent lifestyle and has moral guidelines;
- Same sex as the child. Most often, two people of different sexes are chosen as godparents, but this is not at all necessary. Church rules prescribe as a necessity the presence of only a godson of the same sex.
What to do if your parents are non-believers
Atheist parents may not object to their child being converted to the Orthodox faith.
Close religious relatives are able to convince them of this intention:
- grandparents of the baby;
- aunts, uncles;
- older children.
It is impossible to baptize a child without the consent of the parents, as this would be an infringement of parental rights. A child has the right to decide for himself about his religion when he turns 14 years old. The law obliges children to take their opinions into account when they reach 10 years of age.
If at the age of 14 a child decides to convert to Orthodoxy, close believing relatives should help him/her find a godfather/godmother so that he/she can prepare him/her for the sacrament.
Main responsibilities of godparents
Godparents are spiritual mentors, helping the godson's father and mother shape the child's personality and protect them from evil forces and misfortunes.
Prayer room
The godfather and mother, as true Christians, should attend church, pray to the icons of the holy saints, angels, the Mother of God and the Lord. In their prayer requests, they should not forget about the godson/goddaughter. The prayers of godparents have the same power as the prayers of the father and mother.
In prayers for a spiritual son or daughter they ask:
- about health;
- recovery from illness;
- good luck in business;
- strengthening faith;
- strong family relationships;
- the gift of a child.
The sincere prayer of the godfather will become a shield from the thoughts of evil people and natural elements.
Doctrinal
Godparents have the responsibility to convey Christian principles to the child. To do this, they must attend divine services with their godchildren on ordinary days and holidays. Children need to be explained the essence of what is happening in the temple, what the celebration is dedicated to, how they should behave during fasting, and their meaning. The godfather or godmother must teach the child basic prayers so that he can independently turn to the Lord or the Mother of God for help.
Moral
Spiritual mentoring means a trusting relationship with the mentee. The godson/goddaughter must respect the godparents and listen to their opinions. This places a special responsibility on adults. Family ties are one thing. Relationships between children and parents develop naturally, based on physical kinship, parental and child love.
Spiritual communication requires self-improvement of the adult personality. The Sacrament of Baptism does not automatically give rights to a godson. It places on godparents the responsibility to be able to influence a growing personality in Christian traditions, where morality has its own characteristics.
Special cases
Choosing a godfather is a difficult question. It can be difficult to find a worthy and close acquaintance to offer him such a role. In this case, the Orthodox Church allows relatives to become godparents.
Grandmother with granddaughter
A believing grandmother can be the spiritual guardian of her granddaughter if her age does not exceed 70 years. The age limit imposed by the church is explained by the duties of the godmother. An old woman should have enough strength to influence a young girl morally, have the strength to take her to church, the memory to explain the basics of Orthodoxy and teach her prayers.
Grandfather with grandson
A grandfather should be a moral authority for his grandson. His age, like his grandmother’s, should not be older than 70 years.
Aunt for niece
An aunt is a close person for the family. Her choice for baptism of her niece depends on intra-family relationships and attitude towards faith.
Native sister
A sister, if she is 14 years old, can become a godmother to her younger sister or brother.
Main requirements for a sister:
- must be baptized;
- attend church;
- know the Creed;
- realize responsibility.
Children under 14 years of age are considered minors and cannot be held responsible for their actions.
Sister's brother
A sibling, like a sister, can be a godfather for a sister if he is 14 years old, baptized in Orthodoxy, knows prayers and understands what the responsibilities of a godfather are.
Catholic from Orthodox
When Baptism takes place outside of Russia, in a Catholic country, it can be difficult to find an Orthodox person suitable for the duties of a godparent. In this case, the Orthodox Church allows you to choose a person of the Catholic or Protestant faith as godparents.
Cousin
Cousin relationship is not an obstacle to fulfilling the duties of a successor if all other necessary conditions are met.
Uncle for nephew
An uncle, like an aunt, can be a guardian for a nephew. In this case, the following conditions must be met:
- baptized in the Orthodox faith;
- his wife will not be his nephew's godmother;
- in the future he does not plan to marry his godfather (if he is single).
A godfather relative must be present at the ceremony. His name will be entered on the baptismal certificate and in the church register of converts.
Preparation for the sacrament
Like any important event, baptism requires special preparation on the part of the heroes of the occasion. What do you need to know in order to prepare for the sacrament in advance?
First, it is necessary to settle the formal side of the process. To do this, you need to come to church in advance. During such a visit, an appointment is made for the ceremony, questions are asked about the intricacies of the procedure, and (if necessary) a blessing is taken to capture the sacrament of baptism on a photo or videotape. At the same time, it is necessary to resolve organizational issues with the clergy: the amount of donation to the church, a list of items that must be carried with you.
First of all, these are documents: parents’ passports and the birth certificate of their baby. There are also attributes of baptism, which include a whole list of necessary things. They can be purchased separately or by purchasing a whole baptismal set. Baptism sets for boys and girls usually differ slightly. What does such a set include?
