Why did the Lord take all my relatives and leave me?
Hello! Let's divide my answer into two parts: one - life, the second - spiritual. But first, let's not connect our lives, our sins and their consequences with the life or, unfortunately, death of our neighbors and others. Before being baptized into the Russian Orthodox Church, realizing that it was she who was the heir to the Apostolic Church, I buried all my close relatives and two close friends. I read about teachings both Western and Eastern. I remember one story there. There was a famous Zen teacher, and his student, while cleaning his room, broke his favorite cup. Hearing the teacher’s steps in the corridor, he hid the fragments behind his back. I asked the teacher: “Why do people and all living things die?” He replied: “The time comes for them.” - “Oh, now the time has come for your mug to die...”
From what I have read, in tradition it is generally accepted that a person dies when the Lord calls him to the maximum of spiritual development or so that he avoids unnecessary temptations and falls; There is also simply the option of old age and illness. The lives of friends and neighbors have no effect on the speed of calling.
Now about your problems. I know a doctor, or rather a veterinarian. He told me a story that I remember for a long time and allows me to draw conclusions for myself. He came, he said, to one family, and there were four cats: some were fat and smooth, some were skinny and not very mustachioed. I weighed them and, using the indicated method, injected them with a drug against parasites, both internal and external. The drug was supposed to defeat them all and eliminate them through different systems of the body. A couple of days later, clients call him and say that three cats are running cheerfully and vigorously, but the fourth couldn’t. The concentration of ticks, worms and other nasty things in the cat’s body turned out to be too high, and when they all died, the toxicity of the body exceeded its vital norm. The rest survived the procedure with varying degrees of difficulty, but now, having endured intoxication, they are all smooth and shiny...
If we have accumulated a bunch of “reptiles” in ourselves, then, when confessing, we must understand that there are different medicines for mental illness: for appendicitis - one, for tuberculosis - another. For some - a sanatorium, and for others - surgery. As offensive as it may be, choosing a doctor is not based on pseudo-mercy towards a particular patient, but based on the diagnosis, so that we survive. But subsequently it is vitally important to follow the prescribed “spiritual diet”, to avoid everything that can lead to re-infection, because:
When the unclean spirit leaves a person, it walks through dry places, looking for rest, and does not find it; Then he says: I will return to my house from where I came. And when he comes, he finds it unoccupied, swept and put away; then he goes and takes with him seven other spirits more evil than himself, and entering they live there; and for that person the last thing is worse than the first (Matthew 12:43-45).
The Lord punishes whomever he loves; he beats every son whom he receives. If you suffer punishment, then God treats you as sons. For is there any son whom his father does not punish? Moreover, if we, being punished by our carnal parents, were afraid of them, then should we not much more submit to the Father of spirits in order to live? They punished us arbitrarily for a few days; and This One is for our benefit, so that we may have a share in His Holiness! (Heb. 12:7-10).
Those whom I love, I rebuke and punish! (Rev. 3:19).
Take care of yourself and your soul, take care of its purity, through confession cleanse the “inner and outer” of your spiritual vessel, do not give up prayer, be sure to read the Gospel and the Epistles of the Apostle Saints - this strengthens you in faith. “Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you” (Matthew 6:33). The Lord will arrange everything in everyday life, trust! God help you!
How to cope with the death of a loved one?
The death of a loved one is a crisis that needs to be overcome. By going through trials, we become stronger and grow spiritually. After parting with your loved one, you need to gradually get out of depression, learn to live not with memories, but with the future and believe that the best is yet to come.
At first you won’t be able to live without memories and tears; this is a normal reaction after a loss. But this period should not be allowed to be too long. A person leaves for another world, when his time comes, nothing can be returned. With constant memories you keep the soul of a loved one close, it suffers, is tormented and cannot find eternal peace.
You cannot forget loved ones who have gone to another world, but you need to change your way of life, tasks and goals. Observe yourself, analyze your behavior, do not close yourself off from the world around you, share your emotions and experiences, find people who need your help.
Why does death take away loved ones? How to come to terms with this and move on? Where do they go and why does this happen? Everyone must answer these questions themselves and learn to live again without family and loved ones.
A young, kind, sympathetic, good guy died. Why did God take him?
My condolences to you. Alas, the Lord takes away for a reason, but at the best moment of a person’s life. For His ways are unsearchable.
Allow me to share with you a story from the Ancient Patericon:
“A certain holy hermit prayed to God saying: “Lord, reveal Your destinies to me.” Often he imposed heroic deeds on himself for this reason. And God inspired him that fulfilling this requirement is impossible for human nature. When he did not stop begging God, God, wanting to notify the elder, allowed the thought to come to him to go and visit a hermit who lived at a distant distance. And having prepared his mantle, he went on his way. God sent an angel, and having transformed into a monk, he met the old man and said to him: Where are you going, good old man? The elder says: “To such and such a hermit.” And the angel says to him: “I’m going there too, let’s go with me.” And when they had passed the first day, they came to a certain place where the lover of Christ was, and receiving them, he calmed them down. And when they ate, he offered them food on a silver platter. And after they had finished, the angel took the dish and threw it into the air. The elder, seeing this, was offended. Then they went out, making the journey together, and on the second day they came to another place, and there they found a man who loved Christ, who loved the monks, who lovingly received them, and, having washed their feet, calmed them down. In the morning, having his only son, he took him out to receive their blessing. The angel took him by the throat and strangled him. The elder, seeing this, was horrified, but did not say anything to him. Having passed the third day, they did not find anyone who would accept them, but they found one hut, empty for a long time, and sat down under the shadow of the wall. The elder, going out, took some bread with him and began to eat. The angel sees a wall threatening to fall; standing up and girding himself, he began to dismantle the wall and build again. Then the elder lost patience and cursed him, saying: “Are you an angel or a demon, tell me who you are? For the works that you do are not characteristic of man. Yesterday and yesterday these lovers of Christ received us, and weren’t you the one who destroyed the dish of one, the other’s son who was strangled, and here, without any excuse, you stopped to build a building.” Then the angel said to him: “Listen, and I will tell you: the first to accept us is a God-loving man and, according to God, owns what belongs to him. But he got the dish from unjust profit; So, so that for the sake of the dish he would not destroy all his work, so I destroyed it, and all his work became pure. And the other one who received us is a virtuous and merciful man. If his son had remained alive, he would have become an instrument of Satan and would have brought his father’s goods into oblivion; therefore, while he was still young, I strangled him, so that he too would be saved before God. Here the owner of this courtyard is a wicked man and tries to do evil to many; he is poor, and therefore cannot do everything. Grandfather, while building this wall, put money in it. So that, having found them, he would not offend anyone he wanted, so I fixed the wall and took away the opportunity to find the money. Go to your cell, for, as the Holy Spirit said, the judgments of God are many and many.” Having said this, the angel of God became invisible. Then the elder, having come to his senses, returned to his cell, glorifying God.” (Ancient Patericon).
"Do not Cry"
“Crying, dissolved in trust in God, is useful: it consoles the soul, softens the heart, opens it to all holy, spiritual impressions” St. Ignatius (Brianchaninov).
"Cry"
A girl was lying in front of the priest. A very pretty girl, or rather, even a girl of about fourteen. She lay in a coffin in the church, and the priest was preparing to perform her funeral service. Her parents stood nearby and told stories. Accident. They said that Olya, together with her mother and twin sister, were crossing the railway tracks, and she fell behind a little. For some reason, her headphones were in her ears at that time, and the driver did not have time to brake in time... The priest listened to his mother’s words, and her pain was transmitted to him. It was as if there was a lump in his throat, and yet he still had to say a word of consolation to his parents and everyone present and sing the funeral service himself in the absence of a choir. The priest paused and began to speak...
We need to say: “Cry,” hug the person and cry with him
There is no deeper wound and no stronger pain than the wound and pain of someone who has lost their child. Just yesterday he, full of life and energy, stood in front of you. He was in many ways a reflection of yourself, and his life was woven into yours, like ribbons woven into braids. Therefore, his joys and sorrows were your joys and sorrows. And now he lies in front of you, lifeless and cold, taking your life with him to the grave, it seems. A person who has suffered such a misfortune is faced with a difficult task - to survive all this without losing the meaning of life, without losing mental and physical health, without despair. And the people around us face a very important Christian task - to console and support a person crushed by grief. Oh, what a difficult task this is! At first, in general, “silence is more convenient”: thoughtless, superficial words not only risk being thrown to the wind, they even risk injuring a person. I recall an incident told by Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh, about how a young priest performed the funeral service for a youth. Before the funeral service, turning to the boy’s mother, he probably made a mistake, saying: “How I understand you!” To which the child’s mother sharply replied: “Don’t lie! You cannot understand a mother lowering her child into a grave! You have never experienced anything like this, and I wish you never to experience it.” How rightly noted! Indeed, a person who does not have such experience simply cannot plunge into the depths of grief that shocked his parents, and from this depth say a word of edification that could touch. We, like Christ, cannot say to a mother: “Don’t cry,” for the Word of God immediately after uttering these words dried up the source of trouble, resurrecting her son. The words “don’t cry,” addressed by Christ to the Nain widow, meant: “Don’t cry, for I will now abolish the cause of your sorrow.” We, sinners and not possessing any spiritual gifts, on the contrary, should say: “Cry,” for crying can, a little and not for long, but still calm the pain; I should hug the person, sit and cry with him. Here's what you need first. But then, a little later, when the wound at least stops bleeding and the eyes are dry, we can together try to comprehend this death, to comprehend it in a Christian way, for in Christianity there are attempts at such comprehension.
Why?
God, determining the moment of death of a person, makes sure that the person achieves eternal life
When on duty I have to visit a cemetery, and this happens, of course, regularly, I am always visited by the feeling that in the last couple of decades the relationship between death and youth has changed. Death has fallen in love with young life with some passion and no longer takes the years into account. Or it is considered, but in her own way: she seems to be uninterested in those who come to her by nature, but she enthusiastically strives for those who have barely begun to live. In a modern cemetery, there are almost more young and small earthlings than older ones, isn’t it? And for this, of course, there are objective and subjective reasons. Diseases have become younger: the ecology of the world around us has given diseases this youth. The attitude towards life and health is deteriorating, especially among young people: this crazy craze - irresponsibility towards one’s own and other people’s lives - breeds in our society all these risky selfists, roofers, hookers and other extreme people who don’t seem to need life. In general, due to such irresponsibility, the factor of suddenness of death is extremely enhanced: they die under the wheels, die from the “wheels”, die after being hooked on “social” networks. Yes, the pathological cruelty of modern man also makes its “contribution” to the depopulation of the nation: you can get killed simply for making a remark, for a bad haircut, for the phone that is in your pocket. However, all these causes of early mortality are still external in nature, and in addition to them there are also deeply spiritual reasons related to the participation of God’s Providence, which watches over every person. God, determining the moment of a person’s death, cares, first of all, that the person achieves eternal blissful life. Only understanding the possible causes of death in the context of eternal life can help a person survive the death of a child and come to terms with it. “My child is not dead, he is alive! - this is the first joyful thought that the Christian faith conveys to a parent. - It turns out that I didn’t lose him, but I broke up with him temporarily. This, of course, is a bitter separation, but the meeting will be all the more joyful later. And it will definitely happen!” This is the premise from which our further reflections on early death can start. Why does early death as a phenomenon occur in our lives, and, as it seems to us, occurs too often? Why does God take away a life that has just blossomed, and sometimes even a life that has not yet had time to blossom? They don’t pick off a bud from a flower that hasn’t had time to really bloom and delight everyone with its fragrance?
God takes each person from this world at the most appropriate moment for him.
We, Christians, can find answers to such “whys” only when we admit that not everything is accessible to our reason and turn to the reason of the Church. And the Church in such cases points us, like the light at the end of the tunnel, to Divine Omniscience. Points to God, who knows when it is best to take a person, from the point of view of his eternal life. In the reasoning of the fathers and teachers of the Church, a common place is the statement that God takes each person from this world at the moment most suitable for him. Here’s how to answer the question “why does God allow so many young people to die?” answers the Monk Paisius the Svyatogorets: “No one has ever signed a contract with God about when to die. God takes each person at the most appropriate moment of his life, takes him in a special way, suitable only for him - so as to save his soul.”[1]. Let's make a disclaimer here. Of course, the Monk Paisius does not speak in this way about the salvation of all people, he says that God uses death itself for the benefit of man, for whom salvation is still possible. This happens in many different ways: “If God sees that a person will become better, He lets him live. However, seeing that the person will become worse, He takes him away to save him. And others - those who lead a sinful life, but have the disposition to do good, He takes to Himself before they have time to do this good. God does this because He knows that these people would do good if given the opportunity to do so. Those. It’s as if God is telling them: “Don’t work hard: the good disposition that you have is enough.” And God takes someone else – a very good one – to Himself, because flower buds are also needed in Paradise.”[2].
On the issue of the death of infants, children and generally morally pure young men or girls, the opinion of fathers also comes down to the idea that God takes them, knowing that in the future they can lead a sinful lifestyle, lose purity and lose eternal life. This is how Saint Theophan the Recluse consoles a mother grieving over the death of her good-natured daughter: “The daughter died - good, good-natured. We must say: glory to You, Lord, for removing her as quickly as possible, not allowing her to become entangled in the temptations and seductive pleasures of the world. And you grieve - why did God deliver her from these hobbies and take her into His holy Kingdom pure and immaculate. It turns out that it would be better if she grew up and went into all sorts of troubles, which is very surprising these days, especially for someone as pretty as, as you say, the deceased was. Here is a wise mother, regretting that her daughter was saved and not destroyed”[3].
It happens that God sends death to a child, wanting to save him and his loved ones from a more difficult cross. Many people know the textbook example from the life of the Decembrist Ryleev, once told by St. Barsanuphius of Optina. This example is remarkable as a kind of revelation from God about the possible cause of infant death. The Decembrist’s mother told St. Barsanuphius that her son became seriously ill at the age of three. Everything spoke of his imminent death, and she, not wanting to put up with it, fell to her knees before the faces of the Savior and the Mother of God and prayed fervently, fervently, with tears. In response, she heard: “Come to your senses, do not ask the Lord for the child’s recovery... He, the Omniscient, wants you and your son to avoid future suffering. What if his death is now needed? Out of My goodness and mercy, I will show you his future - will you really pray for his recovery even then?” And she was shown his entire life path. Guided by the vision through different rooms that marked the stages of his son’s life, she stopped in front of the last room and heard a menacing call: “Come to your senses, you crazy one! When you see what is hidden behind this curtain, it will be too late! It’s better to submit, don’t beg for the life of a child, now such an angel who knows no evil.” But she just shouted back: “No, no, I want him to live.” Gasping, she hurried behind the curtain. It slowly began to open, and she saw the gallows on which her son was destined to be hanged. After the vision, the child quickly began to recover, and the mother soon forgot about the vision revealed to her...
Whatever God does to us, he does for our benefit.
Whatever God does to us, he does for our benefit. And the Lord of life and death also uses our death for our benefit. The direction of a person’s will, his state of mind is an area that is quite closed not only to people close to a person. It is not clear enough to the person himself. Only God fully sees and evaluates our condition and draws the right conclusions. By sparing a person, God can take him away in the prime of his life, so that the insurmountable burden of sins of the future does not take away his last hope of entering eternal life. The Monk Paisius the Svyatogorets speaks about this: “When they tell me that some young man has died, I grieve, but I grieve as a human being. After all, having examined things more deeply, we will see that the older a person becomes, the more he needs to struggle and the more sins he accumulates. Especially the people of this world: the longer they live, the more - with their cares, injustices and the like - they worsen their condition instead of improving it. Therefore, the person whom God takes from this life in childhood or youth gains more than he loses.”[4]
It is impossible to understand and discover the cause of the early death of each individual person. This is a secret hidden in the depths of Divine Omniscience and inaccessible to our reason, at least in earthly life. There is no need to try to penetrate this secret: such attempts, while remaining fruitless, can lead a person who has lost his loved one to extreme sadness and even despair. It is better to try to comprehend this loss in the light of faith in God, for only the heart of a believer one day, in a quiet moment of sadness, will be able to hear the comforting message: “Don’t cry, your beloved is with Me.”
