“How you all infuriate me!” Psychologist and endocrinologist reveal the causes of irritability

1. What is irritability?
2. What causes irritation?
3. How to deal with irritability?
4. Irritation as a violation of our rights
5. What makes us "irritable by default"?

Quarrelsome neighbors on the landing, annoying salespeople near the metro, crowds in public transport - these and other factors that we encounter every day will make the most peaceful Buddhist who has known Nirvana irritable. The good news is that you can cope even with increased irritability - if you put some effort into it. So if you feel like yelling at a colleague or throwing your laptop against the wall, don’t rush to do it. Better check out our tips on how to get rid of irritability .

What is irritability?

In everyday understanding, irritability is an excessive emotional reaction.

to fairly ordinary, everyday phenomena.
Such a phenomenon (irritant) can be anything - the creaking of a constantly opening door, a colleague shaking his leg, a bright smell, flashes of light from a flashing lamp, etc. Some things can be annoying because you are in a bad mood at that particular moment
- for example, because you just had an argument with your significant other.
Others, including words, gestures, etc., may be associated with something bad
and irritate in themselves. Let's say, figures of speech that your least favorite colleague often uses.

However, these are external manifestations of irritability. Why does she appear? In general, we can say that we get irritated when what happens does not coincide with our idea of ​​reality and how things should happen

.
This definition can concern small things
(the stomping of neighbors from above, a loud person talking in transport, a dripping faucet) or
global life situations
. For example, if you really want to live in a private apartment, but cannot afford it and live with a neighbor, all his characteristic habits will seem annoying.

One way or another, it is possible and necessary to fight irritability. Below we will figure out how to do this.

Irritability is not a disease in itself and does not need to be treated. But it can be a symptom of some somatic diseases and indicate psychological problems. If you are really concerned about this condition and cannot cope with it on your own, consult a specialist.

2.What could be the cause of irritability?

Irritability is usually associated with various mental states or body changes.

Mental causes of irritability:

• Anxiety disorder;
• Depression;
• Bipolar disorder;
• Schizophrenia;
• Schizoid personality disorder;
• Depression;
• Alcohol and drug abuse. Irritability can also appear when you quit alcohol, drugs and smoking.

Irritability can be the result of various neuralgic causes. Irritability can be caused by diseases such as:

• Dementia;
• Brain tumors;
• Meningitis;
• Head injury.

Other causes of irritability:

• Cardiovascular diseases;
• Chronic fatigue syndrome;
• Chronic pain;
• Hyperthyroidism (a syndrome caused by increased activity of the thyroid gland and its enlargement);
• Lung diseases;
• Side effects from various drugs;
• Lack of nutrients;
• Oxygen starvation of the brain.

In some cases, irritability can be a symptom of a serious, life-threatening condition:

• Acute delirious syndrome;
• Alcohol poisoning;
• Drug overdose;
• Brain abscess;
• Encephalitis;
• Hydrocephalus (water on the brain);
• Brain injuries;
• Stroke.

Thus, irritability can be both a symptom of serious illnesses and a mental disorder.

Visit our Neurology page

What causes irritation?

To understand how to cope with irritability, you need to find out what causes it. Even if your feelings seem confused and complex, it is important to get to the bottom of the truth, since sometimes just understanding the reason allows you to get rid of the oppressive feeling and/or shows you what to do and where to move next

.

It is very possible that you yelled at your colleague not because of his request to take on an extraordinary project, but because you had an argument with a family member in the morning and are still angry. But sometimes the answer is not on the surface

. For example, you may be annoyed by a colleague's pen-clicking habit. Is it the pen? Perhaps the real problem is that the colleague is clicking his pen when he actually has no work to do. And you are irritated by the fact that he has such periods quite often, but you are in constant time pressure.

You need to be especially careful if you have increased irritability towards a specific person or certain situations.

.
In other words, it infuriates you if Ivan clicks his pen, but you calmly react to the same actions of Andrey. Often the source of irritation is trifles, behind which quite complex problems are hidden
. You may not be aware of this, but it is all the more important to understand the true reason. For example, you might be annoyed when a friend beats you at a board game. Usually a loss causes more resentment or annoyance, but if it leads to irritation, this is a signal from your emotional system. Think about what this might be connected with? For example, with the fact that you, in principle, do not accept losses, or deep down in your soul do you envy your friend in some way?

The source of irritation may be restrictions, taboos and other prohibitions

, which you somehow adhere to.
For example, you think that talking loudly on the street is indecent and always speak quietly. Accordingly, you may be annoyed by those who act differently. We are often irritated by those who put or can put us in an awkward position
. For example, you are a social phobe, but you are accosted by an overly talkative person in a store. You don’t know whether you need to answer him or not, and if so, what exactly, how long you need to keep the conversation going, whether he will be offended by your refusal to talk, etc. As a result, due to the risk of awkward situations, you become annoyed by all the people who like to chat with strangers in public places.

Irritation with myself

How to stop getting irritated if the object of anger is yourself? You can try to escape from circumstances and people, but you cannot escape from yourself. The reason for self-flagellation is our shortcomings. Irritation is not the worst form of reaction to one’s own shortcomings. Much worse is indifference, which literally nails us to the psychological status quo. Anger is a good indicator of the need for change. But it also prevents development.

The best allies in the fight against your shortcomings are a cool mind, iron logic and strong will. Fortunately, we have a threshold of lack of will, below which it is difficult to fall, so even in advanced cases we can react to the need to fight with ourselves in different ways. First, accept yourself for who you are. Realize that irritation is essentially empty and does not carry constructive life. Since you have to strain yourself in the long process of eradicating negative traits, wouldn’t it be better to spend your energy on creation?

Secondly, you need a collective image of the “right” person. Analyze what habits you want to consist of. Abstraction is good, but “visual aid” is better. That's why we started talking about the image. Having an example before your eyes makes it easier to concentrate on the task. Work on yourself systematically. How exactly to change your character is not the subject of this article, but the essence should be clear to you.

How to deal with irritability?

Determine the real source of the problem

We described the main causes of irritability above. Think about in what situations and/or when communicating with what people irritation is especially pronounced. When looking for reasons, it is important to be honest with yourself and attentive to yourself

– otherwise nothing will work out.

Analyze with a cool head

If the anger is too strong, do not rush to sort it out. It is better to wait until it subsides and then study the problem. To calm you down, you can use the figurative-associative method

: Imagine putting your anger into a book, closing it, and placing it on a library shelf.
When you are calmer, you will pick up the book and think about what is happening. If your feelings are overwhelming, let them out and relieve the tension
with a run, a minute of exercise, or a short walk outside.
For some, the opposite advice will be more effective - be alone with yourself. Sometimes aggression is a natural reaction to stress
, and your brain is trying to tell you that you should ignore all sources of irritation and just be alone. Take a bath, watch the new season of your favorite TV series, read a book. And before you return to stressful circumstances, mentally adjust yourself.

Look from the other side

We experience irritation due to everyday little things on average several times during the week.

.
The next time this happens, focus on thinking about how much good there is in your life
- you and your family are healthy, you have a roof over your head, etc.

Have your shiny new shoes already been stepped on by several people on the subway this morning? But you go to work in a high-speed train, and in general you have a paid job. Or maybe the freshly cooked pasta from which you drained the water fell out of the pan into the sink with dirty dishes? It's unpleasant, but you have free access to electricity and food to cook a new batch.

The same approach - looking from the other side - applies to psychological attitudes. Think about the current situation in a different way. Debilitating thoughts like “Why is it that all the bad things happen to me?” can lead to despair. It is better to tell yourself “I remain calm”, “I have the situation under control”.

Learn to talk about your emotions

As we said, irritation often arises from the fact that what is happening does not meet your expectations. However, in many cases we ourselves are to blame for this - we keep negative feelings to ourselves instead of expressing dissatisfaction out loud

. Remember: people cannot read minds. If you don't like something, tell about it to the person who caused you negative emotions. As a result, you will gain not only peace of mind, but also self-confidence. The main thing is to express your feelings extremely politely, so that they listen to you and meet you halfway.

What happens when you let aggression run its course? You spend energy on anger, putting stress on your body, and then try to get rid of the irritation by throwing it out on whoever comes along first. As a result, the situation may repeat itself, and you risk ruining relationships with others who actually have nothing to do with your problem. At the same time, the problem itself will not receive a solution.

What is the right thing to do? It is necessary to direct internal resources to understand yourself and realize what exactly you expect from a person. Remember that he himself will not guess about it. Firmly, calmly and politely voice what exactly you are not happy with

.
To do this, you must, firstly, find the root cause of irritation
and bad mood.
Secondly, ideally, talk to the person as early as possible
- to do this before you have a big blow.

Example 1

A friend asks you to go with her to the city center for company and go shopping. But you don’t plan to buy anything and you understand that you don’t particularly want to wait near the fitting rooms and get bored. Perhaps your friend understands that you are not interested, but it is also likely that she does not see anything wrong with this and is happy to travel with others as a companion.

In such a situation, it is important to understand what you yourself want and convey it to other people. If you want to spend the weekend at home watching movies, then very politely but firmly tell them that you have other plans.

You can read more about how to refuse in our article.

Example 2

Of course, in some situations, people understand perfectly well that they are behaving incorrectly, but they count on your gentleness and politeness
. Often this is what becomes the main irritant for us and this is what we need to fight against. For example, a colleague borrowed money from you and promised to pay you back at the beginning of the week. Today is already Friday, and the debt still hangs. You gently remind her of this, and she replies that she is broke at the moment. What will you do? Think about what you want most now: to be silently angry, to quarrel, or to touch your colleague’s bones?

These are all wrong answers. In fact, your main goal is to return the money, so you need to act in this direction. Politely and carefully ask when the debt will be returned to you in the near future. If a colleague refers to a difficult financial situation, say that you understand her and that you have already provided help. And now you yourself need money and ask for an exact return date. Don't give up until your colleague gives you a number. If the money is not given within the specified period, repeat everything again, only more persistently.

Many of us are irritated by situations when we do not know how / cannot stand up for ourselves, when our rights are violated, when we are hurt in one way or another

.
We remain silent or agree instead of objecting or refusing. Therefore, to relieve irritability, you need to increase your self-confidence and not allow others to go beyond
. Of course, this is easier said than done. We propose to dwell in more detail on how to relieve irritation due to the violation of our rights - and learn to defend them.

Irritation at circumstances

It is possible to change yourself. Some situations can also be corrected. But what to do when circumstances are stronger than us? You need to come to terms with the fact that you cannot change. And, what is important, you should definitely learn to distinguish between situations that are possible to overcome and those that are too tough for you. Without a bit of wisdom in this matter, you can spend a lot of effort fighting windmills, but in the end you will become even more evil.

To make it easier to resist irritation, a person needs a global goal. Just as the Earth covers the Moon, leaving a small horn for us to see, so a big goal covers minor troubles. Circumstances can be likened to pebbles on the road. A relatively aimless existence provokes one to stumble over them every now and then, wandering around and around in life. Conscious life is a road with the same stones; but a reward looms ahead, giving strength to step over most cobblestones and not lose heart when stumbling over them.

More than 9,000 people have gotten rid of their psychological problems using this technique.

Irritation as a violation of our rights

Unfortunately, some people, sensing the gentleness of others, begin to shamelessly take advantage of it or mistake politeness for permissiveness. Train yourself to put such individuals in their place

. If you are not used to saying no and are generally a fairly gentle person, learn to stand up for yourself, but move gradually. This skill will help you cope not only with irritability, but also with some other problems.

Prepare template answers

Recreate situations when, when communicating with other people, you said and did something you didn’t want to do.

. Think about when your rights are most often violated. For example:

• The elderly woman from the next apartment constantly reprimands you that young people nowadays dress too unkemptly and behave even worse.
• A classmate who constantly skips lectures once again asks you to copy your homework.
• The boss systematically demands that I stay at work for several hours without additional pay.

What to do? Conduct analysis!

• What rights were they trying to violate in those situations?
• Do I really have these rights?
• How to express refusal or disagreement in a polite manner?

Formulate a correct and, most importantly, polite response to your opponent in order to use this template

. Having a ready answer in hand will boost your morale and help you stand up for your rights. Apply this skill in all areas of your life and develop it.

Protect your rights

When this behavior becomes a habit, you can move on to the next step - predict in advance when others will try to manipulate you, and respond promptly

.

Here you can read about how to counter some common methods of manipulation, as well as passive aggression.

Fight with yourself

What happens in the body when we experience anger? The pattern of feelings of guilt and anger at the physiological level completely coincides with the pattern of fear.

When a person experiences fear, the sympathetic part of the autonomic nervous system is activated. That is, as a result of a reaction to a negative event, the body prepares to do something: run, fight, defend itself. This is an instinct that we inherited from our wild ancestors: danger - we must defend ourselves.

The body begins to produce adrenaline, it is injected into the blood and activates all combat-ready parts of the body. Blood flow to the muscles that are responsible for active physical actions increases, heart rate increases, and the pupil dilates. By concentrating forces in the muscles, blood flows away from the skin and away from the internal organs of the abdominal cavity.

If we took active physical action, the adrenaline would be broken down, used up, and the nervous system would come into balance. But after all this heroic preparation, we, unlike our wild ancestors, do not rush to tear the enemy with our teeth, but politely ask the tipsy subject to get off his feet and breathe in the other direction. Therefore, the nervous system is forced to stabilize in a different way.

After the sympathetic part of the nervous system has been activated and energy has not been used up, the seesaw swings towards the parasympathetic autonomic part of the nervous system. All those bodies that are responsible for “peace support” are being activated. First of all, this is the skin and internal organs located in the abdominal cavity.

Due to the fact that a large amount of energy was released, it hits our internal organs with force. This most negatively affects the organs of the cardiovascular system and digestion. An active rush of blood to these organs causes the endocrine glands to work harder, the secretion of gastric juice accelerates, and pressure surges become more frequent.