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Question:
Can a kiss be considered fornication or is it a manifestation of love for one’s neighbor? What is your opinion regarding this action? Thank you for your reply!
If you are talking about an intimate premarital kiss, my opinion is YES, it can be considered fornication. But to better understand this topic, let's look at the Scriptures when kissing is and is not a sin.
Premarital kiss may be considered a sin
Kissing as a form of greeting is not a sin
Some books of the Bible end with specific greetings from the authors, in which the recipients are called upon to greet each other with a holy kiss.
All the brothers greet you. Greet each other with a holy kiss . (1 Corinthians 16:20)
The holy kiss in the form of greeting is not a sin, but it is a manifestation of the love of Christ and the relationship of unity between believers. But, this is only a form of greeting and nothing more.
Dialogue with Priest Vasily Kraev
Hello, Varvara!
You asked a rather difficult question in the sense that it is too general to answer specifically.
I will try to suggest that it will not be a sin if a person is so mature and insightful that he probably knows that he is kissing his future husband or future wife.
But a sufficiently mature and insightful person will evaluate such a coincidence of circumstances as an exception rather than as a rule.
In the overwhelming majority of cases, young people play at love, and when they find their chosen one, or he finds his chosen one, it is not their first kiss. Thus, the haste of young people leads to the fact that the future husband and wife are deprived of the happiness of the first kiss, pure and perfect, like truth and beauty itself, because when they kissed for the first time, it is not their first, and sometimes not even their 21st kiss. This means their life together does not begin from scratch.
“He who is faithful in a little is also faithful in much, and he who is unfaithful in a little is also unfaithful in much” (Luke 16:10).
If a person is unfaithful in such a small thing as the first kiss, will he be faithful when a greater feat is required of him?
“In everything therefore, whatever you want people to do to you, do so to them, for this is the law and the prophets” (Matthew 7:12).
So, if you want your future husband to save his first kiss for you, keep yourself pure and pristine, so that your children will inherit this purity from you and pass it on to your grandchildren.
Here is my independent judgment, which, as it turns out, is almost no different from the opinion of other priests:
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Kissing outside of marriage is a sin
Someone may tell you that in the Bible we do not find a direct commandment that would say: “Kissing between a man and an unmarried woman is prohibited.” If we go this way, then we have no direct commandment regarding drugs and smoking. But this does not mean that the Creator accepts it. God left commandments and truths that we can follow to understand whether or not a kiss is a sin.
Paul wrote to the Corinthian believers:
And what you wrote to me about is that it is good for a man not to touch a woman. But, in order to avoid fornication, each have his own wife, and each have his own husband. (1 Corinthians 7:1-2)
The touch Paul is talking about here does not mean shaking hands with a woman when she gets out of a car, or when you greet a woman and extend your hand to her, or when you accidentally touch her. Here touching is placed in the context of fornication. That is, we are talking about intentional touching with the aim of igniting the internal fire of a sexual direction. Therefore, the Bible forbids a man to touch a woman who is not his wife (in order to ignite a fire in her). And in this context, a kiss falls into the category of these touches. I have heard young people who said: “When we kiss, we don’t have bad thoughts, but only express feelings for each other.” Or others say: “You can kiss, just don’t let your thoughts go too far, that is, to sexual desire.” Maybe you too are reading this opinion and shaking your head in agreement. But look what God says:
Can anyone take fire into his bosom so that his dress burn Can anyone walk on burning coals without their feet burned The same thing happens to the one who goes in to his neighbor’s wife: whoever touches her will not be left without guilt. (Proverbs 6:27-29)
From the above verses we understand that one cannot play with the fire of immorality without being burned in it. We also understand that you cannot kiss someone with whom you are not in a marriage covenant without sinning. God didn't create us as robots. He created us with feelings, reflexes and attractiveness. But we can rejoice in them only within the framework established by Him. Therefore, as a human being, you cannot program yourself by saying, “I kiss, but I don’t think about the sexual response.” God knows about this and that is why he gives the commandment:
Flee youthful lusts , and pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with all who call on the Lord with a pure heart. (2 Timothy 2:22)
The instruction is very clear and specific - “flee youthful lusts.” You have no right to play with lust to see how long you can stand it. Don't consider yourself a "super saint" thinking that you can kiss a girl or a guy and at the same time control your mind, lusts, feelings and not sin. On the other hand, God says:
Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked and does not stand in the way of sinners and does not sit in the congregation of the wicked, but his will is in the law of the Lord, and he meditates on His law day and night! (Psalm 1:1-2)
Why does God make it important not to walk in the council of the wicked or sit in the seat of the wicked? Because He knows that there you can be carried away by their way of life, there lusts can awaken in you, the fulfillment of which will mean that you have fallen into sin. It's the same with a kiss. Don't try to flirt with him, saying that this is only a manifestation of pure love between you and your friend. This can be a very dangerous trap that is very easy to fall into.
But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. (Matthew 5:28)
From here we understand that adultery does not mean only a physical act, but it refers primarily to our mind or our heart. When you lust in your heart for someone with whom you are not married, then at the mental level you are committing adultery. Now think, if this is the case with the gaze, then what can we say about touch, which awakens feelings stronger than the gaze? And a kiss falls into the category of intimate touching.
Dear reader, if you want to enjoy a truly healthy relationship in your marriage, then I encourage you to keep yourself holy, not just in your body, but in your entire being. Do not rush to “bite” what is not allowed to you, but wait patiently until marriage. Satan says, “Now and here you must taste the pleasures of this world.” But God sees you and says:
The hope of the righteous is joy, but the hope of the wicked will perish. (Proverbs 10:28)
Wait to give the kiss of your lips to the only person who will feel unique, knowing that you saved yourself just for her!
Translation: Moses Natalya
Support point. Answers to questions from TV viewers. Issue dated January 16
Audio |
Is it considered a sin to kiss on the lips before marriage?
The most important adviser in such a personal matter for a person remains his heart. Clement of Alexandria, one of the 3rd century teachers, said that love illuminates all relationships. Love itself is a sacrament and a priceless gift of God. A kiss can be different. If he is in the spirit of love, then he will not be a sin, but in the flesh, perhaps, he will be. I think no one will answer this question except your heart and your conscience.
— The first Christians took communion every day. How did they fast during daily communion? How to properly prepare for communion and receive communion? In what cases is it impossible or undesirable to receive communion?
The central issue in the spiritual life of an Orthodox person is the Sacrament of Communion. At the Last Supper, the Lord broke bread and said: “This is My body,” poured wine and said: “This cup is the New Testament in My blood, which is shed for you.” It is when we accept the Body and Blood of Christ that many of our sins are forgiven to the extent of our desire to change, to the extent of our repentant feeling, to the extent of our forgiveness of our debtors: “And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.” And when the priest, during the Divine Liturgy, immerses the particles taken out at the proskomedia into a chalice of Blood, he says: “Wash away, Lord, the sins of those who were remembered here with Your honest Blood, with the prayers of Your saints.” It is no coincidence that the Lord gave us this Sacrament, saying: “He who eats My Flesh and drinks My Blood abides in Me and I in him.” It is impossible for an Orthodox person to be saved without regularly receiving the Body and Blood of Christ.
For the first few centuries, Orthodoxy had the practice of taking communion almost every day. For the first 300 years, Orthodoxy was banned, until 1,700 years ago, Tsar Constantine signed the Edict of Milan, and Orthodoxy became the state religion of the Roman Empire. The first Christians could have been tortured and lost their lives for confessing their faith. They gathered for services at night on Sundays and holidays, receiving the Holy Gifts for the whole week. They took communion on their own at home, in the morning on an empty stomach, after prayer. An Orthodox Christian of those times always had a cross, the Gospel and spare Gifts with him. Many centuries passed and the persecution of Christians stopped, practices began to change.
Two roads have appeared in the matter of saving man: the path of oikonomia (the soft path) and the path of akrivia (the hard path). At the VI Ecumenical Council this issue was discussed, and the 121st rule of the VI Ecumenical Council said that oikonomia should be applied to a person so as not to plunge the soul of the sufferer into the rapids of despair. The gentle approach was typically used with spiritual infants. As the Apostle Paul said, a spiritual baby should be fed with liquid food, and a grown-up should be given solid food. Therefore, for spiritual people, deeply churchgoers, stricter rules were applied.
The first Christians had Wednesday and Friday as fasting days, liturgical fasting - 6 hours before communion, and Lent. As people moved away from Christ, as they received communion more rarely, people switched to the road of acrivia. The path of love changed to the path of rules and spiritual asceticism. In the 17th century, Tsar Peter issued a decree on the inadmissibility of treating the sacrament as an apothecary drug. Then communion became rare, for example, once a year. In connection with this, the Communion Rule appeared, which is still accepted in our Orthodox Church.
The modern concept of the Russian Orthodox Church combines both of these approaches - oikonomia and akrivia. Everything regarding the preparatory rules and fasts - a lot depends on the spiritual father, on the priest who confesses and administers communion. The rules for preparing for communion that exist today are extremely important and useful, and are primarily necessary for people who rarely receive communion. And for those who receive communion often, relaxations can be made, with the blessing of the confessing and communing priest.
The practice of mandatory confession before communion exists today in the Russian Orthodox Church and in Bulgaria. In Bulgaria, for example, fasting before communion must last for at least a month. Although, as experience has shown, such preparation turns out to be quite difficult for a person. In Greece, the practice is different: confession is separated from communion. A person confesses as needed and outside of worship. The sacraments are performed by all priests, and only those who have a special blessing from the ruling bishop are engaged in spiritual work. A person negotiates confession in advance with his confessor in an informal setting, and his spiritual problems are discussed in detail there.
I was very surprised that in one of the Greek monasteries I met joyful, bright, smiling nuns. Archimandrite Simonpetra of the Athos Monastery explained that the reason for their joy is the daily communion, and preparation for communion lies in the state of joy. If this joy is not there, then this is the topic of conversation with the spiritual father.
All these rules that exist today are extremely useful. But it is very important that they are not formalized, since it is impossible to prepare for a meeting with God. We are always unworthy - any prayer of the preparatory rule speaks of this. Read the fifth prayer of St. Basil the Great's Sacramental Rule: “I know, Lord, that I unworthily partake of Your most pure Body and Your precious Blood, and I am guilty, and I eat and drink condemnation for myself.” The prayers of the Sacramental Rule cry out to God: “Lord, All-Seeing and All-Loving, the thorns of many of my sins have fallen, forgive me, a sinner and a weak one.” Therefore, we approach the Sacrament with a contrite heart and with great joy. And joy is always much greater than contrition, because we meet God, the All-Loving Father.
But in order to receive communion worthily, you must forgive everyone who has offended you, following the example of Christ: “And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.” Otherwise, the Lord will pass through you and will not be able to burn up the thorns of your sins if you have not forgiven your debtors. And this is very important to understand.
Transcript Tatiana Ponomareva
Questions for the abbot / Relationships before marriage
Dear Ekaterina! I don’t know which seminary teacher and what he said about this, on what subject. Here's what I think. Of course, the period of grooming, the period of preparation for marriage, you need to try, try - I said it weakly, you must definitely go through it in purity in the relationship. That is, to prevent physical intimacy before marriage, but not only. For not only those who have not crossed the last threshold may not maintain purity, but also those in whom sensual aspirations towards each other, even though they set certain boundaries, have become the main thing in their relationship to each other. If they did not come out to communicate with each other in the fullness of personal disclosure and acceptance, but rather some wave of sensuality that overwhelms and covers the head so that the person behind it is no longer visible, God forbid that this should happen. Even if at the same time he remains wearing trousers, and she is wearing a skirt - this does not mean keeping clean. And here, of course, what measure can be recommended?
It is difficult for young people in love to be together, especially in our time, to be together without visibly expressing their love for each other. Walk holding hands. When parting, exchanging not only a handshake, not only a kiss on the hand, but even a gentle, insensitive touch on the cheek of your beloved, this can hardly be called unacceptable. But try, of course, to avoid situations that also provoke you to sensuality.
I would advise avoiding being alone, where there are no other people. For example, do not spend the night together in the same apartment if there are no elders nearby or other people who will neutralize this situation. Leaving together for another city, generally behaving like this - don’t put hay where the fire is burning nearby.
Then this experience of fighting for love for each other in purity will be very useful in family life... But this is a separate big conversation.
