How should a husband treat his wife?

Spiritual life of the family Spiritual articles for women

Published 02/22/2018

On our website you can find a lot of materials and tips for those who want to improve the relationship between husband and wife in marriage. For those who want to build their family relationships and their love on a solid foundation, we want to offer useful advice to wives about their love for their husbands and children.

Nowadays they talk so often about unconditional love for a child that sometimes it begins to seem as if the whole family is built on this. There is a sad joke: “Nowadays children are in fashion, but fathers are not.” This is precisely about such family situations when the attention and care of the mother is unequally distributed between the children and their father. If our parental roles are relatively temporary, then marital roles are for life. After all, when the children grow up and leave the “nest,” we will again be left alone with our husband.

Therefore, whenever dissatisfaction with your husband arises, a very good remedy is to ask yourself the question: “How can I change thanks to this situation?” And then very soon you will be able to see the “untilled field” within yourself and forget about plans to “re-educate” your husband.

The paradox of family life is that the husband is ready to adequately participate in the life of the family and children only when he has a good relationship with his wife.

Ephesians 5:33 “However, each of you must love his wife as himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

The fact is that the husband “reads” (accepts, feels) his wife’s love only through self-respect. Don't compare with yourself: we women are different.

How to Treat Your Wife

However, eight out of ten rules are true for eight out of ten women. If you are a bore, you can calculate how fair one point is on average, and stop there, because even if all the conditions are met, the wife will not please the bore for long.

If your wife is a monster, then you apparently enjoy it, since you are still together, and my advice is of no use to you. But if your wife is not a monster, then she does not do all sorts of stupid things on purpose, and it is better to re-educate her using the method of positive reinforcement, to which this vile (My mother spells this word exactly like that, and it turns out more disgusting than just “vile”) half-hour muttering not applicable.

More about positive reinforcement (read more...)

Human needs human

In Maslow's pyramid, the need for love, acceptance and communication comes in third place, right after physiological needs and safety. Feeling your partner’s love and communicating with him is a necessary condition for a normal emotional state and the key to trusting family relationships.

Often, just a few years after the wedding, spouses feel that they have nothing to talk about, moving further and further away from each other every day. This can be explained by the onset of the stage of satiety in a relationship, when the candy-bouquet period is over, everyday life has destroyed all the romance, and the partner has already managed to show all his shortcomings.

Quote for thought:

“
How often does the process of rapprochement lead to distance

?
” (Tamara Kleiman) This situation can and should be corrected. It is necessary to relearn how to communicate with your husband in order to maintain the relationship at this difficult stage.

Do you have anything to rely on?

From now on you are alone. Divorce is possible and everything is heading towards it. Even if in reality this is not the case, you must be prepared for the worst outcome. But you are a man, and no matter what happens in your life, you must not lose your composure and find your long-lost core. I'm talking about the locus of control - what makes a person take responsibility for his life and not try to shift other people's problems onto himself.

Right now you need to leave your wife behind and take care of yourself, your own affairs. No one but you will take care of you now. In the event of a divorce, you cannot sit and grieve, patting yourself on the head and feeling sorry for yourself.

Stop blaming her for what's happening. A person with a normal locus of control, who feels supported, cannot suffer because of the actions of others. Your inner state depends only on you, on your actions and thoughts. If you can let go of the situation and take care of yourself - development, hobbies, communication with other people - this will have a huge impact on the situation. Don't try to change anything about your wife, thinking that her negative actions are making you feel bad. Don't touch her, don't provoke negativity.

If you can do all this, then these actions can change the situation for the better.

Internal supports

If your internal supports are poorly developed, then the sense of responsibility in a relationship constantly flies. Your responsibility is not yours, you are putting it on your partner.

You think:

It's not about me, it's about my wife. She is the one who conflicts and blows her mind, but with us everything is fine.
My wife needs to change. If she gets better (or stops doing something), then everything will change immediately.

This attitude towards yourself and your wife is a time bomb, a hole you dug for yourself. This is an eternal shift of one's own responsibility from oneself to one's partner. Perhaps this is one of the main problems in your relationship.

Correct settings:

This is my life. Everything depends not on the partner, but only on me.
You need to focus on yourself and solving your own problems.

To do this, you must have developed internal supports - something that makes you autonomous and self-sufficient. Right now you need to get away from your wife and not touch her. It is important to come to your senses, improve your life, calm down, and make sure that you are now as comfortable as possible in this situation. Mind your own business, work, business - so that no one and nothing (and in particular your wife) can influence all this.

This already solves most problems in relationships.

What is a support:

Anything that makes you feel confident. If you have enough of your own resources, then you will not have the desire to encroach (exploit) on others.
Your work, earnings, confidence in the future
knowledge, qualifications, social circle, relationships with other people, position in society.

Developed internal supports are the only thing that makes a person truly independent.

You must understand that it is you and only you who are responsible for everything that happens to you and in your life. This is called "locus of control" - ideally it is internal. In this case, you place responsibility for your entire life on yourself. If the locus is directed externally, then all responsibility for all events is shifted to others - from specific people to fictitious events.

Many men who contact me say that there are problems and ask: what can I do with my partner to make him change? You don't need to change anyone but yourself. Don't touch your wife now, take care of yourself.

Sex and all that

I wouldn't classify sex as positive reinforcement. It should be done even if the wife has not done anything good. Just as it is impossible to deprive her of the necessary food and a minimum of money for bad behavior, in the same way refusing sex is unacceptable. There is an indecently simple secret to a good marriage: no matter what happens, twice a week your wife should have an orgasm from your hands. This is a figurative expression - from anything, as long as it comes from you.

No, I understand that now many girls will say “better than five” and all that, but I’m talking about the living wage.

Try it and you will be surprised how difficult it is. It just seems to you that you are making love with her all the time, in fact, you just fucked her. After some years of marriage, it’s quite common to be too lazy to have sex. Acute attacks of excitement occur rarely and for some reason are always not at home or when the legal partner is not at hand. Therefore, men are relieved to decide that their wife is tired of sex.

This is wrong. With my husband - maybe, but in principle not. And so that she does not find sex outside the home, it makes sense to methodically arrange for her, if not enchanting, but high-quality sexual acts. Even if the wife says that she doesn’t really want to now. It's good for your health and your nerves.

Maybe I won’t say that it’s not you who should cum twice a week – at least ten! – she must definitely finish. Do you understand the difference?

You'll be amazed how much it works. The wife will get used to the fact that this is where she always receives systematic, guaranteed pleasure, and she will return to this place as if sewn on.

In this regard, I beg you, buy a normal bed. So that it doesn't creak, eh? Even if there are no children or neighbors behind the wall, it’s still disgusting when it creaks. And so that it would be elementary comfortable.

You might not even suspect it, but there are still couples who sleep in the same room with their child. Not with a one-year-old baby, but with a fairly adult child, because they cannot buy or rent a large-room apartment. Don't do this, don't do it.

No amount of savings is worth the horror that your sex life will turn into.

Another convenience. If you want to eat normally, equip a decent kitchen. If you don’t want to, don’t, but if you have complaints about the quality of food, then buy a good stove, food processor, range hood and other appliances.

A vacuum cleaner is a must. Buy a small one that will stand in the corner of the room. Let your wife not have a ten-kilogram, half-broken Buran packed into the pantry, but something light and cute, so that every cleaning does not turn into an action of pulling out, assembling and cursing manufacturers, sellers and you personally to the seventh generation.

If you take care of these nonsense, there will be food, sex, comfort and peace in the house. Inexpensive.

The role of the husband in the family

A man is a husband and father. He, like a woman, plays a big role in the family. Love for the wife, the desire to provide for the family financially, participation in raising children and the children’s attachment to their father - all this helps strengthen the family, creates harmonious relationships and makes the family happy.

A man needs a family just as a man needs a family.

A man must be:

Leader . Complete harmony should reign in the relationship between husband and wife. A man must make decisions and bear responsibility for their consequences. He must provide all family members with a comfortable existence;
A breadwinner . A man’s task is to provide financial support for the family. He must provide the family with food, and the woman must prepare breakfast, lunch and dinner from it.
Defender . A man's duty is to protect his family from any danger.

How to Treat Your Wife

Of course, your husband finds you attractive, otherwise he wouldn't get married, so don't feel like you have to look like a movie star every day or shell out money for plastic surgery to keep him.

AiF.ru tried to find out how to become an exemplary wife, next to whom a man will want to spend his whole life, from the authors of the book “Rules of a Smart Wife” Ellen Fein and Sherry Schneider .

Rule #12: Have date nights (read more...)

More about positive reinforcement

Not only words, but also small gifts and small pieces of treats can serve as positive reinforcement. Almost all decent women are on a diet of one kind or another, which means that they really want candy (or sausages), but would rather kill themselves against a wall than go out and buy it. However, if you relieve her of responsibility by bringing a prohibited product into the house, your wife will almost certainly eat it with joy. Just don’t do this too often or buy a lot of junk food, otherwise your wife will develop a feeling of guilt, which she will transfer to you. Like, it’s your fault that she overeated again and is now fat, old and covered in acne. And even more so, there is no need to bring a forbidden product “for yourself” and eat it in front of a hungry person. Just like with a prostitute - outside the home you can indulge in as much debauchery as you like, even with shawarma on the corner, even with buns in coffee shops, but at home let there be a healthy, virtuous dinner.

And even more so, there is no need to bring a prohibited product “for yourself” and eat it in front of a hungry person.

Small gifts are all the more good as positive reinforcement because they don’t make you fat. Wait for the moment when your wife stops yelling for a minute, shitting in the corners and scratching your face, but, on the contrary, washes the floor and puts on a bow, and take the prepared gift out of your pocket. Give it to her with the words “Thank you for being so wonderful.” At first, she will be scared and distrustful, suspecting that you are planning a dirty trick or simply did not deliver the gift to your mistress. Therefore, let it be something completely safe, like a postcard with cats from the supermarket, in which you should write: “Dear “wife’s name,” I love you.”

What to remember:

Learn to listen to your husband, being sincerely interested in what he says.
Your husband is not a telepath. If you need something, ask him directly.
Choose your words, develop tact.
A woman's strength is in her softness. Let your voice and intonation be smooth and calm.
Reward what you like right away.
Come up with a common activity that you both enjoy.
Do not be shy to show your love - men need a warm attitude no less than women.
Do not raise your voice at your spouse, do not humiliate him or compare him with other men.
Recognize his right to his own thoughts and feelings - do not allow yourself to decide for him what to think and what to feel.

Don't be boring!

Every self-respecting couple needs rituals; they create a sense of stability.
Yes, coffee in bed. Or yogurt. But something that you should bother with and bring to her regularly. Wedding days, the celebration of the first copulation, a visit to the zoo every year on the eighteenth of January - anything that you should remember and always, despite your current relationship and state of affairs, always fulfill. Someone will say: “Why on earth should I bother with it?” Not with any. I don’t encourage you to get married, but if you did it for some reason, then use your wife wisely, and your life will become much more comfortable and more fun.