Responsibilities of a wife and husband to each other in the Orthodox faith + definition and meaning of God's family in Orthodoxy

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At that moment, when the boy and girl grew up and began to choose their life partner, it is considered the first responsibility of an Orthodox husband and wife. It is necessary to make such a decision after thinking carefully and slowly, since the church says that marriage should be one.

There is a legend about father Arseny and his daughter. The girl wanted to devote her life to serving the Lord, but her father blessed her for marriage. She chose a guy and came to her father. He also said that this was not her betrothed. Then she came with another one, but was again refused. For the third time, her mother chose a groom for her. The girl didn’t like him at all, and she thought that her father would also refuse.

He blessed her for marriage and said that even if she doesn’t love the guy, she doesn’t need to show it to him, and only with him will she be happy. The girl cried for a long time, but listened to her father and married him. A year later, the guy became her dearest and dearest, with whom she lived a long life and gave birth to 13 children.

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What is God's family

Jesus Christ said: “Love one another.” This phrase can also be applied to a union of loving spouses. In an Orthodox family, where the wife’s duties are to maintain the family hearth, and the husband’s duties are to provide fuel for it, harmony and happiness reign. Such couples do not divorce as often, unlike families who do not follow God's laws.

Basic norms of Christian marriage

When spouses do not follow the rules established in Orthodoxy, the blessing is lost. In this case, God's grace to the family is lost, loyalty and love disappear. Therefore, both husband and wife must fulfill mutual responsibilities to each other and to the rest of their family.

A faithful wife is the keeper of the hearth

The role of a woman in the family cannot be overestimated. The entire Bible is imbued with examples of the lives of the ancestors of the human race, who, one way or another, influenced the historical development of mankind.

Sometimes women created problems for themselves. If Eve had not succumbed to the serpent’s persuasion and had not persuaded Adam, mind you, with compelling arguments, everything in history would have turned out differently.

The first Jewish woman, Sarah, did not believe God, who promised her a son, and persuaded Abraham to sleep with a slave, and a son was born from her. For 12 years, Sarah suffered from jealousy and created many problems for Abraham and Hagar until she gave birth to Isaac.

Rebekah tricked her youngest son into obtaining the birthright.

Many holy women left an example of humility, fidelity, courage and obedience in the history of mankind.

Faithful Rachel waited 21 years for her happiness, giving the world Joseph, who became the prince of Egypt.

The beautiful Esther was ready to pay with her life for the life of the Jewish people.

Little Maria humbly accepted the news that she had the honor of giving birth to the Mission. It is difficult to imagine the state of the girl at that time when they were stoned to death for fornication. How can you prove to the Pharisees and scribes that you, a girl from the monastery, are pure and innocent and the fruit in you is not from a man?

Great trust in God, submission, and respect for your husband work wonders.

An Orthodox wife treats her husband as the priest of her home, but she does not stoop to the role of a cleaner, cook, sex slave and housekeeper.
An Orthodox Christian is a housebuilder, a keeper of the hearth, and a caretaker of the family.
God created Eve from Adam's rib, not from an arm or a leg, not from the head, but from the bone that is under the heart.
A good housewife, who is under the provision and protection of the head of the family, has a full house.
It is difficult to imagine God's Bride - the Church is untidy or hungry, and so should a mother, a wife, take care of the home.
God gave the command to the wife to submit to her husband (Eph. 6:1-4), and to the husband to love his partner. Each family member has his own message from the Creator, the fulfillment of which guarantees a happy family life.
Many women try to manipulate their bodies during sex, violating the commandment of Jehovah in Heaven (1 Cor. 7: 3-5), which says that a wife has no power to refuse her husband, her body is in the power of her husband. Only fasting and prayer, and this is more than 200 days a year, can be the reason for avoiding intimate caresses.
Even the wise Solomon wrote in Proverbs that a wise wife builds a house, but a quarrelsome woman destroys it.
Women should adorn themselves not only externally; the beauty of an Orthodox Christian woman is in humility, peacefulness, prudence and respect for her husband.
An Orthodox wife will never allow herself to “wash dirty linen in public.” All questions, disagreements, even discord are resolved not by shouting and reproaches, but by prayer and advice from spiritual mentors.

Responsibilities of husband and wife in an Orthodox family

Even upon marriage, future spouses must discuss and distribute their rights and responsibilities to each other. To do this, you need to take into account both the individual character traits, profession and skills of the husband and wife, as well as the interests and favorite activities of the spouses. This discussion needs to be taken responsibly.

Men's responsibilities

The head of the family must provide and please his wife. Then she, in return, will bestow her husband with the light of love and beauty. To do this, you need to perform a number of actions:

Financial support for the marital union. Any self-respecting spouse is obliged to take upon himself the material issues that arise in the family. Sometimes it happens the other way around, but the husband must earn money. Sitting on the sofa in front of the TV does not at all contribute to strengthening marriage and mutual love. The wife can also go to work and replenish the family budget, but the man must be the main breadwinner.
The right to make decisions. A man should be the head of the family. His decision must be taken into account and trusted. But the husband takes full responsibility for his loved ones. Therefore, the wife should help her beloved with reasonable advice in the decision-making process. It is precisely such family councils that help overcome all the difficulties that arise for spouses.
Father's responsibilities. Although the mother is more involved with the children, the father should not shy away from raising his offspring. Dad should set an example for boys, raising them to be real men. Girls need to be given love, nurturing their femininity. After all, having matured, daughters will choose a chosen one who is similar to their father.
Housework. Although home and everyday life are undoubtedly a woman’s function, a man should not shy away from his part of the work. Changing the socket, screwing in a light bulb, nailing a shelf in the place indicated by the wife - these are the direct responsibilities of the husband. You can’t send a woman alone to do the shopping, because a trip for bread often results in the delivery of several heavy bags of groceries. And it is the man who must carry them to the refrigerator. Just like he must pay for the purchases.

Confucius said that a husband is an army going into battle, and a wife is his rear. But if the army does not have a rear, then it will lose any battle. Wives should support their husbands in every possible way, but not take away the right to fight from them.

The role of a man in the family

Women's responsibilities

The spouse must fulfill her part of the responsibilities to the family:

Please your husband and take care of yourself. The stronger sex loves beautiful women. If the missus stops taking care of herself, walks around in a dirty robe and gets fat, the man will most likely have an affair on the side. To avoid this, the wife should meet her beloved in an elegant dress, with makeup and hairstyle, even when the betrothed comes home from work.
Home life. Even if the husband is a chef by profession, he will be pleased when he is greeted with delicious home-cooked food. The wife should also maintain cleanliness and comfort, but always with the participation of her husband. Joint housekeeping with the dominant role of the woman greatly strengthens marital ties.
Proximity. Regular intimate life helps strengthen relationships and does not give a chance to infidelity and divorce. If spouses are satisfied in the intimate sphere, then they will never look at other women and men.

Parenting

Home life

Intimacy with your spouse

If the members of a marital union regularly fulfill their duties to each other and children, mutually help and give joy, such a marriage will exist for a long time.

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A faithful wife is the keeper of the hearth

Many holy women left an example of humility, fidelity, courage and obedience in the history of mankind.

Great trust in God, submission, and respect for your husband work wonders.

An Orthodox wife treats her husband as the priest of her home, but she does not stoop to the role of a cleaner, cook, slave and housekeeper.
An Orthodox Christian is a housebuilder, a keeper of the hearth, and a caretaker of the family.
God created Eve from Adam's rib, not from an arm or a leg, not from the head, but from the bone that is under the heart.
A good housewife, who is under the provision and protection of the head of the family, has a full house.
It is difficult to imagine God's Bride - the Church is untidy or hungry, and so should a mother, a wife, take care of the home.
God gave the command to the wife to submit to her husband (Eph. 6:1-4), and to the husband to love his partner. Each family member has his own message from the Creator, the fulfillment of which guarantees a happy family life.
Many women try to manipulate their body, violating the command of Jehovah in Heaven (1 Cor. 7: 3-5), which says that a wife has no power to refuse her husband, her body is in the power of her husband. Only fasting and prayer, and this is more than 200 days a year, can be a reason for avoiding marital relations.
King Solomon also wrote in Proverbs that a wise wife builds a house, but a quarrelsome woman destroys it.
Women should adorn themselves not only externally; the beauty of an Orthodox Christian woman is in humility, peacefulness, prudence and respect for her husband.
An Orthodox wife will never allow herself to “wash dirty linen in public.” All questions, disagreements, even discord are resolved not by shouting and reproaches, but by prayer and advice from spiritual mentors.

Fight for love

— Another question from our mail: “What to do if it seems that love has gone away? How to rekindle feelings after decades of marriage? Keeping the family “out of habit”, for the sake of the children? What to do if love has not developed into spiritual kinship? Sometimes very scary moments come when you think that it is better for a person to be free, not have a family and children and live alone. What to do at such moments?

— Crises in marriage, when “it seems that love is gone,” are a huge problem. I know this from myself. If you catch yourself thinking such thoughts, this means that a difficult period of struggle for love is coming. A lot of families break up at this stage because people do not want and do not know how to fight for love correctly. Everyone wants to get it just like that. But that doesn’t happen. When a person says: “Oh, everything in me has gone out, I don’t feel anything,” this is an animal position. People confuse love and attraction. A Christian must necessarily go through a difficult stage of struggle in order not only to return love, but to revive it at a higher spiritual level. How to fight for love? As the holy fathers said: do deeds of love, that is, take care of your spouse, cherish him and pray to God to help save the family. Let those who undertake this, with God’s help, acquire such love.

Newspaper "Orthodox Faith" No. 12 (632)

Resign or act?

“Most often, a woman is stopped by the fear that if she clarifies relationship issues with a man, he will consider it “brainwashing,” will respond with aggression, or will leave altogether.

“And this is a matter of choice and a question of what a woman agrees to.” Father Dimitry Smirnov, who heads the Patriarchal Commission on Family Issues, Protection of Motherhood and Childhood, often says this in his interviews: “If you are afraid, live in it.” I agree with him. Ask yourself: “Am I happy with this state of affairs?” If you're happy with it, no problem. If you want something different, you need to overcome fear and act. The entire Gospel is built on this. The Lord invites us to follow Him, but there is a condition: to take up our cross. Anyone who wants to be with Christ must constantly overcome his fear, his weakness, fight his passions - and then there will be a result. So it is in family relationships. Deciding to have a conversation can be difficult, especially if the situation is advanced and the woman has been living in a depressed and frightened state for many years. But you need to understand: a normal man will definitely hear and understand his wife. If, of course, she addresses him as a human being, and not with continuous complaints and criticism. We need to learn proper communication, read literature on family psychology, and choose the right time to talk. In any case, a simple rule applies: if the problem is not solved, it will not be solved.

- What if you just accept it? Is humility a Christian virtue?

- You know, it feels like there are only two ways: to escalate the situation or to reconcile. But there is a third way - constructive dialogue. What does the proverb “The husband is the head, the wife the neck” mean? That a woman has a certain power over a man that can redirect him. And if she is guided in her behavior not by selfishness, but by the interests of the family, then this power turns to good. In a direct confrontation, a woman will not defeat a man - he is naturally stronger. Her advantage is wisdom, tenderness, affection. In general, respectful and affectionate communication is the norm in family life.

— You know, many Christian women perceive insults and humiliation as the norm, believing that family life is a cross and we must bear it, that is, endure and humble ourselves, no matter what the husband does. They believe that this model of relationships is spelled out in the Holy Scriptures.

“This idea of family life is exaggerated, primitive, and has a fundamentally incorrect understanding of the relationships in a Christian marriage. The Holy Scripture speaks of the hierarchy of marriage, that the husband is the head of the family. But this does not mean at all that the head can be a despot who makes his loved ones cry.

- What should the husband’s headship consist of?

— He makes the final decision in difficult situations and is responsible for its consequences. This does not mean that the wife is not involved in the decision: the husband can agree with her opinion if he finds it reasonable. But his word should be the main one. There is a sacred meaning to this hierarchy. Full responsibility for the marriage lies with the husband. This is something that modern men and women often deny, but it is a fundamental spiritual law that cannot be underestimated. When a man’s status as the head of a family is recognized by all its members, including the correct understanding of this by himself, the creative principle awakens in him, he begins to care about both the material and spiritual well-being of his loved ones. That is, it is not the woman, exhausted, who gathers her children in the morning and drags them to church, but the husband who leads his family to church as its spiritual leader.