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Yesterday I received the following question from a reader of the portal www.moldovcrestina.md
Brother Vasile, I see that you are a priest who speaks and answers questions that other priests do not talk about. I think this is good, because in the Christian environment there is an information vacuum regarding sexuality, intimate life, etc. May God bless you. I also have a question that I just can’t understand: As far as I know, the Bible says that a husband and wife should abstain from intimate relations only when it comes to fasting and prayer... But others say that it is NOT necessary to have relations before the Supper of the Lord (based on the Old Testament). What should be the correct understanding, because in this way we are talking about breaking the law before Communion, and on the other hand, if it happened that the husband/wife did not have intimate relationships for a long time, they are exposed to temptations at the level of the mind, the eyes. Waiting for an answer. Thank you in advance.
God did not give such a commandment in the Bible
When God spoke about the responsibilities of spouses in intimate relationships, He said:
The husband show his wife due favor; likewise is a wife to her husband. The wife has no power over her body, but the husband does; Likewise, the husband has no power over his body, but the wife does. Do not deviate from each other, except by agreement, for a while, to exercise in fasting and prayer, and then be together again, so that Satan does not tempt you with your intemperance. However, I said this as permission, and not as a command. (1 Corinthians 7:3-6)
When the Apostle Paul says that this is a permission and not a command, he is referring to the decision to sexually avoid each other in order to continue in fasting and prayer. Be careful - this is a permission, not a command. If a husband and wife agree and want to abstain from intimate relationships during fasting and prayer, they can do so, but even if one of them does not agree, the other partner cannot force him to abstain, therefore, whoever wants to fast must fulfill his marital duties during fasting and prayer. As can be clearly seen, this list included only fasting and prayer, but the Lord’s Supper was not here.
The Old Testament does not speak of the Lord's Supper (Communion)
No one can refer to the Old Testament to give commandments to people about the Lord's Supper, because the Old Testament says nothing about it. On the evening before His arrest, Jesus Christ instituted the Lord's Supper as a sign, a reminder of the New Testament, which the disciples concluded, and which all Christians later concluded. This is how the Apostle Paul describes this event:
For I received from the Lord Himself what I also conveyed to you, that the Lord Jesus on the night on which he was betrayed took bread and, having given thanks, broke it and said: Take, eat, this is My Body, broken for you; do this in remembrance of Me . He also took the cup after supper, and said: This cup is the new covenant in My Blood; Do this whenever you drink, in remembrance of Me. For as often as you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the death of the Lord until He comes. (1 Corinthians 11:23-26)
Sex before marriage
Why does the Orthodox Church warn young people to abstain from intimate relationships before marriage?
The Old Testament describes several cases where fornicators were stoned for committing adultery. What is the reason for such cruelty?
The film "The Ten Commandments" shows a terrible scene of stoning sinners. The adulterers were tied by their hands and feet to stakes so that they could not hide or defend themselves, and all the people threw sharp, huge stones at them.
This action had two meanings:
- the first - for intimidation and edification;
- secondly, children born from such a relationship carried a curse to the family, depriving it of God’s protection.
A family not married by God cannot be under His protection.
Unrepentant sinners excommunicate themselves from the Sacrament of Confession and Communion, living of their own free will under the attacks of the devil.
Curbing lust and marital responsibilities are two different things
I understand that people who abstain from intimate relationships with their husband or wife say that in this way they humble themselves before Communion. Sexual abstinence is not the control of lust, because a healthy intimate relationship with a husband or wife is a responsibility left by God in the pages of Holy Scripture, as we read above. As for curbing lust, this should be part of the Christian life, and not only before the Lord’s Supper, but constantly, if you say that you have the Holy Spirit and are led by Him.
The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faith, meekness, self-control. There is no law against them. (Galatians 5:22-23)
In a divorce, both are always to blame
When a marriage breaks up, both are always to blame
. For example, if the husband left for someone else, then the wife is to blame for not creating a relationship in the family that would be pleasant and attractive. The husband is also to blame, in particular for the fact that, having felt discomfort at home, he did not make efforts to restore harmony and mutual understanding, but went to seek happiness on the side. If a wife becomes an alcoholic, the husband is to blame for not finding useful and enjoyable activities to do together with his wife, and the wife is to blame for not discussing her problems with her husband, not working on them with him, but leaving them in an alcoholic dope.
Before the Lord's Supper you must examine yourself as to how you discharge the responsibilities of husband or wife.
The Lord Jesus left the Supper as a reminder of the New Covenant, which we entered into by faith in Him and we need to examine our lives in the light of this covenant. Here is what the Apostle Paul wrote about this:
Let man examine himself, and in this way let him eat of this bread and drink of this cup. For whoever eats and drinks unworthily eats and drinks condemnation for himself, without considering the Body of the Lord. (1 Corinthians 11:28-29)
How you perform your marital duties is part of the New Covenant. Therefore, when the time of the Lord's Supper approaches, every Christian should examine himself and make an analysis of how he provides for the physical and emotional needs of his wife or husband, and whether he gives the attention and comfort that is expected of him. This is an opportunity to repent if someone shirks this duty, or if they manipulate intimate relationships, or neglect and indifference to quality, in order to somehow transform them from a boring routine into a romantic relationship.
God places great emphasis on the quality of the intimate relationship between husband and wife because it cements their unity. Here is the commandment given by God in the Old Testament regarding intimate relationships between spouses:
If someone has recently taken a wife, then he should not go to war, and nothing should be placed on him; let him remain free in his house for one year and please his wife, whom he has taken. (Deuteronomy 24:5)
In the first year of marriage, the relationship between husband and wife is established and God puts this even above military duties or any other social problem, so that later the spouses have a wonderful relationship throughout their lives and so that they are a reflection of the relationship between Christ and His Church.
May God help each of us to reflect this through our marriages and live in obedience to the Word of God so that we do not suddenly find ourselves putting our own righteousness first and leaving God's righteousness aside.
Translation: Moses Natalya
Tags: Lord's Supper+, Communion, Intimate+relationships
Orthodoxy and intimate relationships
Delving deeper into the New Testament, one can trace the indignation and contempt with which Jesus treated hypocrites. Why is sex life relegated to second and third place in Orthodoxy?
During fasting, the main focus is not even on prayer, but on fasting, food restrictions, but what about the desires of the flesh?
God, when creating man and woman, provided that they would become one flesh and this would happen during intimate relationships. The two halves will become one, mutually filling with each other’s spirit. After sexual intercourse, part of the wife lives in the husband and vice versa, and the wife possesses part of the husband. These are the spiritual components of intimate life that were created by God.
It is difficult to imagine how life in the spiritual world is for those who have “scattered” their souls among many partners and have problems without even realizing that the cause of everything is promiscuous sex.
Before the coming of Jesus Christ, polygamy existed on earth, but these were not casual relationships. King David, a man after God’s own heart (1 Sam. 13:14), sinned with someone else’s wife, then married her after the death of her husband, but God’s chosen one also had to suffer punishment. The child born to the beautiful Bathsheba died.
Having many wives, concubines, kings and ordinary people could not even think that another man could touch their woman. When entering into a love affair with a woman, a man was obliged to tie himself to family ties according to the laws of the church. Even then the marriage was blessed by the priests and sanctified by God. Children born from a legal marriage became heirs.
Fasting and marital relations
A man will not guess for himself what actions you want from him, where and how you should be stroked and touched, until you tell him about it.
Perhaps he also has a desire to make love in an unconventional place, but he is embarrassed to tell you about it. Maybe he doesn’t mind spending his time more productively than reading books, even if they are necessary and useful, but he is afraid to disturb you - what if you are too busy or, on the contrary, enjoying your vacation.
Love and openness are the trump cards of the psychology of intimate relationships, with which it will not be difficult to overcome small difficulties. Talk and ask. Believe in your loved one, he also wants your mutual happiness.
The norm of intimate relationships
A little advice - start yourself. Does he rarely talk about love? Confess your feelings to him constantly, without demanding an answer. Does he hug you little, is he rarely tender? Do it yourself, giving him affection without reason or continuation, fleetingly, casually, passing by. Give yourself a kind of “lesson” - gently touch your spouse 20 times a day, with obligatory counting and recording. This exercise perfectly develops the sensuality of spouses.
You want your loved one to enjoy touching your skin, stroking it and admiring you, so that you can purr with pleasure... But he doesn’t seem to hear your requests! So teach him to purr, you, first. The true slogan is: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” To summarize, intimate relationships between spouses
As you can see, the most important condition for family harmony is not in bed. Be attentive to each other everywhere, cultivate care and respect for his interests, encourage attention to you. Spend your leisure time together, talk, discuss, learn to listen to each other.
Just be interesting people to create mutual passion, then the passion will not wane. You will change yourself, and your feelings will be transformed, protecting your intimate life from boredom and routine. Sexual compatibility depends very much on us. Our own happiness is in our hands. Good luck and love!
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Marital relations after communion
Hello our dear readers! We are happy that you are with us and there are more and more of us in order to together discuss and resolve many issues on various topics that interest you. Today we will dwell on such a personal topic as: man and woman intimate relationships in the family. Let's consider what role the culture of intimate relationships plays.
“Everything depends on sex. No satisfaction - no happiness in the family." “Before you commit your life, you need to check whether we match as sexual partners.” “It didn’t work out right away - nothing will work out.” Sound familiar?
The dangers of the feat are beyond our strength
When Christians just begin their path to God (such people are called neophytes), many of them go to extremes. Any church rules, canons, and simply traditions are perceived by them as an unshakable truth that requires the most precise and strict implementation. Such people are easy to recognize by the extreme categoricalness with which they talk about Christianity.
Important! We must not forget that fanaticism is just as far removed from the faith of Christ as complete disbelief in God.
Who crucified Jesus Christ? Pharisees and scribes, who very accurately knew and meticulously followed all the doctrinal instructions. And it was precisely this fixation on form, and not on spiritual filling, that did not allow them to discern the Savior who had come into the world.
Also in the family - excessive zeal of one of the couple for asceticism and spiritual achievements can significantly harm the family, especially when it comes to young people. Most often, women go to such extremes, strictly declaring to their husbands that during the fast he must forget about physical relationships.
Love should come first in the hierarchy of family values.
If the spouse is not distinguished by deep faith and does not strive to observe fasting, he may end up in great sin due to the excessive severity of his wife. In this case, the husband’s betrayal will also lie on the conscience of the wife who provoked it.
Meanwhile, experienced priests tell spouses that they must “drown” bodily passions in each other. Living an ordinary worldly life, and even in the modern world, it is impossible to avoid the temptations of the opposite sex. And a person’s task is to respond correctly to temptation. Wise spouses, at the slightest hint of the emergence of passion, run to each other and extinguish the emergence of this passion in each other.
What happens if in such a situation one of the spouses declares that he is on a strict fast? Another will have to fight his temptation alone. It’s good if a person has enough spiritual strength to overcome it, but this does not always happen. In addition, if the second spouse is not a strong believer anyway, the radical position of the spouse will move him even further away from Orthodoxy.
When husband and wife enter into marriage, they no longer belong to themselves, but to each other. Therefore, love should come first in the hierarchy of family values. When one of the spouses, even under the most plausible and “spiritual” pretext, ceases to take into account the views and needs of the other, this is not love, but selfishness. And such an approach cannot be called Orthodox.
About family:
- Patriarchal family in modern Orthodoxy
- Is it necessary for Orthodox families to have many children?
- Is it possible to hang icons in the bedroom?
About marital relations
Purity and chastity are the main canons of Orthodox relationships, most of all revealed in the sexual relationship of married spouses.
The Church in no way excludes sexual relations between partners, for this is an act created by the Creator Himself to fill the earth with His children. Church laws clearly regulate the life of Orthodox believers, including spiritual, mental and physical life.
To be immersed in God's grace, all Orthodox Christians must grow spiritually:
- read the Word of God;
- pray;
- keep fasts;
- attend temple services;
- participate in the Sacraments of the church.
Even monks living in monasteries are not deprived of spiritual experiences, but what can we say about ordinary Christians who are in a sinful world?
Every day, every person needs food, communication, love, acceptance and sex life as a natural part of human existence. The Orthodox Church, according to the Word of God, blesses the sex life of a married couple, limiting it for a certain time, this also applies to food, fasting, entertainment and various types of work.
In the First Epistle to the Corinthians, in chapter 7, the Apostle Paul literally described the behavior of marriage partners during solitude: “Intimate relationships are the law, and it is not permissible for healthy people to refuse them, for in this case both partners will be guilty of adultery: the one who refused and led to sin, and the one who could not resist and fell into fornication.”
