Cheating in a married marriage is a distant concept, but at the same time close

A wedding is a serious and conscious step in the life of a man and a woman. If in pre-revolutionary times a wedding was the only way to legitimize a marriage, today few couples get married. But over time, church foundations and rules change somewhat. For example, today, only people who are already married can undergo a church sacrament. And this is fair, since a married couple has time to think and consciously decide to get married. In this regard, many questions arise, including what does infidelity mean in a married marriage.

The meaning of the wedding ceremony

This rite of church sacrament is associated, first of all, with the blessing of God. Therefore, a married marriage is considered serious and does not allow any sins. People who decide to get married believe in God, and therefore understand what punishment awaits them if they commit sins. It is generally accepted that a married marriage requires much more responsibility, tolerance and spirituality. And you need to demand not from your partner, but from yourself, first of all. After marriage, a husband and wife must live according to the laws and commandments of God, and the priest will always help resolve any doubts and conflicts. But, on the other hand, a wedding is not a guarantee of a happy and comfortable family life. A wedding is a ceremony indicating that a couple is spiritually mature for family life, ready for sacrifice, for love not only physical, but also spiritual. This approach of married spouses to family life in the future will help them cope with problems, thoughtfully resolve conflicts and be a worthy example to their children. Therefore, there is no need to expect that the wedding itself will ensure a happy family life, the absence of problems and conflicts. After the ceremony, one must continue to live with virtue in the heart and home, and remember that their life is in full view of the Lord God.

Husband doesn’t want to, isn’t sure and doesn’t love

Author! To get married, you must be a very religious person and observe all church traditions, starting from church services and fasting, donate to charity, and even make pilgrimages. If faith in God is not strong enough, then it is better not to stage a farce of a ostentatious wedding and not to mock religion, at least their respect for the feelings of believers. I support your husband's position.

If your husband doesn’t want to get married, then he simply doesn’t attach the same importance to faith and this ceremony as you do. Does your husband believe in God that much? I doubt. There will be no benefit to you or God from imposing your views on him. I know many couples in which the wedding did not stop the breakdown of the family. Because people are different, not everyone will agree to live with only respect, people want love. A wedding will not stop you from getting a divorce, there are no magic pills, and a wedding is not a pill against divorce.

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Requirements for a wedding

The church has certain rules about who can and cannot get married:

It is necessary for both those getting married to be baptized;
not be married to another person;
those getting married should not be related to each other up to the fourth degree by blood, as well as in spiritual kinship (godparents and godchildren);
must be of legal age;
have mutual consent for the wedding.

It is strictly forbidden to get married in a church:

persons of other religions;
blood relatives, also adoptive parents and children;
persons of the same sex, as well as persons who have changed their gender through surgery;
minors and the mentally ill;
persons who have already been married three times before.

Debunking

Divorce according to church laws is possible, but there must be good reasons for this:

betrayal of one of the spouses;
adoption of a different faith by one spouse;
unnatural vices (for example, homosexuality);
infertility;
missing person or imprisonment;
attempt on the life of one of the spouses or children;
incurable diseases, including AIDS, alcoholism, drug addiction;
abortion of wife without husband's consent

Unfortunately, the list of reasons that can dissolve a church marriage is constantly growing. And one of them is the betrayal of one of the spouses.

Orthodox Christianity

Wedding How is a church marriage different from an ordinary one? A beautiful tradition. “Appendix” to the wedding.

Guarantee of the strength of family ties. These are the most common ideas about the Sacrament of Marriage. Meanwhile, there are both young and mature married couples who live the church life, but sometimes put off the celebration of this Sacrament for many years.

What is really behind a wedding? How acceptable is it for a believer to live in an unwed marriage? How to prepare if you decide to take this step? We are talking about this with the editor-in-chief of the Bogoslov.ru portal, candidate of theology, rector of the Pyatnitsky metochion of the Trinity-Sergius Lavra, Archpriest Pavel Velikanov.

How did the wedding come about? — Father Paul, it’s logical to start with the main question: what is the Sacrament of Marriage, what is its essence? — The question is not as simple as it might seem.

Because historically this Sacrament appeared quite late - in the form in which we know it.

The early Christians did not have any special rite for blessing marriage: the Church recognized as legal the marriage that took place within the framework of the tradition that existed in that era.

In the first Christian communities, the blessing of the newlyweds was performed by the very fact of the presence of a priest or bishop, the head of the church community, at the wedding feast.

— Wasn’t there a blessing with the laying on of hands, as, for example, now in Protestant communities? “Indeed, there is evidence that a marriage was sanctified by the laying on of hands by a bishop - this is the apocryphal monument “The Acts of Thomas,” which was written in Asia Minor at the beginning of the 3rd century.

However, until the 4th century there was no special order. Only after the Edict of Milan by Constantine the Great (Document of 313, which proclaimed religious tolerance in the territory of the Roman Empire and put an end to the persecution of Christians.

— Ed.), when the process of active entry into the Church of people who were far from the Christian way of life and who were not very eager to become real Christians began, it became necessary to understand marriage from the Christian point of view as a union of a man and a woman, blessed by God.

It became vitally important to make a clear distinction between the Christian understanding of the family and those ideas that existed in the pagan world. —What ideas did the pagans have? What is the difference? — The difference is that Christian marriage is not limited to the perspective of earthly existence.

This is not only blessed communication between a man and a woman and the continuation of the human race, but above all a certain spiritual activity. The spouses, having gone through the usual stages for any marriage, reach a special height of spiritual and emotional unity.

And this unity remains after their death. We know a large number of holy spouses - these are Saints Peter and Fevronia of Murom (their memory is celebrated on July 8 - Ed.), Cyril and Maria (parents of St. Sergius of Radonezh.

- Ed.), Joachim and Anna, Adrian and Natalia.

In paganism, of course, there was no such understanding. It could only arise

Cheating in a married marriage

In modern society, the attitude towards betrayal is quite easy. There are stereotypes that infidelity strengthens marriage, that all men cheat on their wives at least once. But in fact, most likely, these stereotypes were invented by people who are far from moral truths. When asked whether it is possible to cheat in marriage, a priest of any religion will answer negatively. Infidelity after the wedding means desecration of the marital bed and therefore can lead to dethronement. Cheating in a married marriage is a grave sin, which, however, can be forgiven.

Wedding and betrayal, concepts that are unacceptable in combination, nevertheless, are becoming more and more common in life. The fact that adultery is a grave sin is stated in the Bible in the Seventh Commandment: “You shall not commit adultery. If you commit a sin against your family, you will not find happiness.” This is actually true. Any betrayal carries with it a lot of sad consequences: resentment, disappointment, scandals, divorces. Having found another family through betrayal, you also cannot be completely happy, because the new partner, knowing about the tendency to infidelity, will constantly suspect and not trust. Most of all, of course, children suffer from seemingly innocent affairs and betrayals. It is not easy for them to understand why parents cannot come to an understanding, and divorce is always suffered tragically by children.

In addition, betrayal causes enormous damage to mental balance. It doesn’t matter whether the betrayal is male or female, the one who cheats will always feel guilty before his half. Also, the desire to hide infidelity leads to another sin - lying. A person has to lie and dodge in order to hide the fact of betrayal.

The Church considers infidelity not only the fact of sexual intercourse with another man or woman. In the Gospel it is believed that adultery begins with bad thoughts: “Whoever looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

Legal assistance

The article allows you to get an idea of what will happen if a girl cheats, cheats on her husband after the wedding, wife, boyfriend or married man, if you are a mistress, lover, and so on.

That is, it talks about what such situations are and how best to find a way out of them and whether it is worth cheating before and during marriage. It is clear that everyone has their own understanding of the moral side of this issue and how to act in a certain situation, but in general we are talking about getting advice from more experienced people, as well as becoming familiar with typical situations that actually took place with others and draw conclusions from this experience about how best to act in a given situation.

How to save a family after your husband’s betrayal The first desire of any woman when she learns about her husband’s betrayal is to find a homewrecker and tear out all her hair. But in fact, it’s not about the mistress at all - in 99% of cases, the wives themselves push their husbands into their arms. Therefore, you need to think about what to do after betrayal and how to save the family based on what the man was deprived of and what he was looking for on the side.

Do you think it's just sex? Unfortunately, it’s not just sex. The mistress simply does not have time to get bored - this is a fact.

About the sacrament of Marriage (wedding) In the Church, the importance of marriage is valued so highly that it is considered a sacrament. And any sacrament in the Church is a direct action of God, who, through the prayers of believers, gives them His gracious help.

In the sacrament of Marriage, newlyweds receive special gifts from God that they did not previously have.

But these gifts in themselves do not guarantee a happy family life.

Even the fact of treason and betrayal cannot serve as a reason for the destruction of these invisible bonds. Moreover, the married couple will still strive for reconciliation and preservation of the family, because the Lord himself blessed this union. The main thing is that the spouses themselves come to an agreement, the traitor repents, and the offended one is able to forgive the offender.

Even if this does not happen, and the married couple divorces, in heaven their marriage will still be valid - they will be attracted to each other, and love relationships with other people will not work out well. It is especially difficult for a married couple who have children together to separate completely. Their spiritual connection is so strong that it is very difficult to break.

At the same time, children born to a married couple are considered happier and healthier than in an ordinary family. Table of contents:

How to forgive your wife for cheating
Wedding after husband's betrayal
Life after betrayal
Why do women cheat
How to save a family after your husband cheats
About the sacrament of Marriage (wedding)
If husband and wife got married
How to live after your husband's betrayal? Real advice for women
How to forgive your husband's cheating
Life after betrayal: how to behave (advice to husband and wife)

The wedding after my husband's betrayal became interesting to me. I’m not sure if it’s in the right section, but I was afraid to post this in religious topics:008.

What to do if cheating occurs after the wedding

You can talk and argue a lot about why people cheat: there are a dozen excuses for this. But the church divides betrayal into only two types:

Treason committed due to the depravity and immorality of a person:
betrayal committed by mistake, because of which a person is gnawed by remorse.

Of course, both cases are sins. But pride is the same sin, so before you categorically cut off all the threads connecting a marriage, you need to think, because forgiveness is possible. God Himself called people to forgive.

It is worth looking at betrayal from two sides: the married traitor and the one who was cheated on. It is imperative to understand the reasons for the infidelity; if the spouse repents of it, then it is better to forgive. But it is important not to remember this incident afterwards, not to reproach it again. Forgiveness is not always easy, but maybe this is the case when you need to turn to a spiritual mentor?

If betrayal occurred on your part, there is no need to justify yourself, you are to blame for succumbing to temptation, for making a mistake. But remember. That a repented sin is always forgiven. If the feeling of guilt does not come, it means that the person has the wrong ideas about family and religion.

Confession. The very first step is admitting to treason. Of course, this is not easy, but it is better if your half finds out about the betrayal from you. This speaks of regret, of a desire to correct mistakes.
Confess. A guilty person is always gnawing at his conscience, so you need, first of all, to repent to yourself, to God, to your soul mate. If the repentance is sincere, then forgiveness and relief of the soul will come soon.
Eliminate the causes of betrayal. Knowing why the betrayal occurred, you need to do a lot of work on yourself, on your family life, so that this problem never visits your home again.
Apologize and accept your spouse’s decision. You need to understand that you may not be forgiven. And some may need time. Therefore, you need to have a lot of patience to get through this difficult period.

Additional Tips for Eliminating Carnal Passion

The task of every Christian is to destroy vicious moods. In this way the believer brings himself closer to true knowledge, purity and bliss.

A Christian is obliged to avoid the sin of drunkenness, which will allow him to be more vigilant and will not allow the demon of fornication to lead him into temptation. It is necessary to cleanse your own heart, in which, according to Solomon, dwell the sources of life and death. A person needs to become humble and modest, because passions arise from freedom of communication.
One of the most important weapons in the fight is keeping feelings within one’s limits. The Church teaches us to step away from the bustle and concentrate on achieving the main goal - cleansing the heart and mind. Priests give the following advice: you can be neutral towards things, even if they are capable of causing lust. The very attitude of the individual to the environment is important.
A Christian will save his soul from corruption if he can avoid communication with the demon of adultery. The enemy should not be contradicted; absolute ignorance helps. Opposition will only increase the aggression of the unclean demon, who will not rest until he is defeated by humility.
Another way to get rid of lustful thoughts is righteous anger. If a Christian sees signs of increasing lust in his soul, he should be angry about it. Sympathy will allow sin to remain inside and return in moments of weakness.
A Christian should not condemn his surroundings; it is important to have patience and meekness. A person is morally prohibited from attributing to others what he does not know for certain. The believer is recommended to work only on his own consciousness, clearing the way to the Heavenly abodes.
Confessions and prayers help in the struggle. Often these methods are the last chance of salvation for a deeply mired soul.

Important!
Today, young people fall prey to the “zeitgeist” and rarely know that the consequences of prodigal living can lead to serious suffering. However, even the most lost soul has a chance to return to God, since Christianity is a religion of resurrection. History knows a large number of examples of the correction of harlots who became saints, performing a colossal feat. Spiritual and physical purity (chastity) is a virtue that is the complete opposite of adultery and fornication. Sinful betrayal brings suffering to the family and all its members. An extramarital affair does not harm anyone, but it leaves the seed of fornication for a long time.

The Church obliges all Orthodox Christians to do their best to eradicate this vicious weakness through prayer, confession and fasting. Getting rid of prodigal passions opens the way to the kingdom of heaven and cleanses the consciousness.

Watch a video about fornication and adultery

The period after the news of betrayal is always difficult. The thought of ever being able to trust your spouse again can seem impossible and painful. But many women were able to survive such a situation. Orthodox priests give the following advice in this situation:

Approach the situation with a clear mind. First, ask your spouse to give you detailed information about what happened, when, and under what conditions, and what was the reason for this action. If you feel that answering these questions will cause you pain, then give yourself some time to cool down. Don't allow yourself to become obsessed with the details of your husband's infidelity, because this will only torment you and prevent you from healing.
Remind yourself often about faith and God. Even if your spouse is unfaithful to you, God will always be faithful to you. Read and meditate on God's covenants, absorbing them into your soul. May God's commandments give you confidence in your thoughts and actions. Put all your energy into prayer and trust that God will help you through the healing process.
Life doesn't stop. Along with current problems, you will need to cope with your responsibilities, take care of your children, and go to work. Ask God to empower you to deal with problems and give you wisdom to adjust your life accordingly. Ask for the strength that only God can give you to help you overcome any challenge.
Look at your spouse the way God does. Pray for your husband's right path. Remember that your husband is an imperfect person who is capable of mistakes and sin. Try to understand and sympathize with your husband, and help him in this difficult moment.
Accept your husband's betrayal as a test. Don't try to suppress your grief or rush through it; instead, allow yourself to fully experience and move through it to learn valuable lessons.
Learn to trust. You can learn to trust your marriage again if you first deepen your trust in God. Pray that God will help your spouse gradually restore your trust.
Replace anger with forgiveness. Let your gratitude for the way God has forgiven you of your own sins motivate you to forgive your spouse. Treat him with kindness and welcome positive changes in him.
Rely on other people. Do not refuse the help of people you trust who want to support you in this difficult moment.
Do whatever you can to save your marriage. If your spouse is remorseful and willing to work to restore trust in the relationship, do whatever it takes to try to save the family. Be prepared to do whatever it takes to avoid the tragedy of divorce.
Keep praying for God to change the marriage. Your relationship can be better and stronger than it was before your husband cheated because you have learned to trust God and each other.

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A man who cheated on his wife should know that there is a lot of work ahead to restore and maintain the relationship. Most marriages take about two years to recover from what happened. What can you do to improve the situation if you have committed adultery{q}

Take full responsibility. Whatever the reason for the betrayal, you committed the sin, which means you also need to pay for it.
Recognize the need for spiritual renewal and rebirth. The fact that you have committed adultery is a clear sign that your soul is in disarray. The act of adultery is the fruit of an unbelieving and rebellious heart. Seek help to align your inner world.
Don't minimize or lie about the details of the affair.
Focus on your spouse's pain rather than how difficult it is for you. Don't expect the spouse you deceived to immediately understand and forgive you.
If you find it difficult to deal with a problem on your own, seek help from a spiritual mentor or psychologist.

Is it possible to get married after cheating?

Having cheated once, a person should know that a wedding after cheating is impossible. It is easy to dissolve a civil marriage by formalizing the appropriate decision, but dissolution is a very long process. But if the debunking occurred due to betrayal, then it will no longer be possible to get married, because the spiritual component of the marriage has already been destroyed. Now imagine that after a while the spouses were able to forgive each other, but precious time was lost, and it was no longer possible to return the status of married spouses. It is necessary to take a responsible approach to both the wedding ceremony and the divorce process.

I want to cheat on my wife with her friends, t

On her day off, she went to her parents in my car. I stayed at home, read a similar story and fell asleep. In a dream, I dreamed that I ispovedi.com was a married man and my wife cheated on me. And that's why I woke up. When I woke up, I felt that there was a big hole in my chest, there were very difficult and heavy feelings, as if I had lost everything that I had. It was the hardest feeling I've ever experienced in my entire life.

I often visit my parents, and it also often happens that my mother scolds me so that I get married, ispovedi.com so that I become more responsible. Because he’s afraid that if I don’t get married now, I might get spoiled, become irresponsible, start drinking, or worse, use drugs without supervision. And family is a real responsibility, my mother says.

Consequences after betrayal in a married marriage

If betrayal occurs after the wedding, its consequences are sad, and, as a rule, they remind of themselves for a long time. What awaits a married man and woman who have committed adultery?

a person will be haunted by feelings of guilt and remorse, because of which he will not be able to find harmony with himself;
there will be a feeling of shame in front of children, relatives, friends, colleagues;
even if the marriage can be saved, the other half will have difficulty forgetting what happened
inability to cope with temptations will lead to a vicious circle;
in case of divorce, the second marriage will be a continuation of the mistakes made;
children will not see a worthy example in their parents, as a result of which they will create the same defective families.

From all that has been said, I would like to draw one simple conclusion: when deciding to get married, you need to approach this issue very seriously. Many priests advise undergoing the rite of the church sacrament after several years of relationship or marriage, when blind love passes and only respect and deep love for each other remains. Under no circumstances should a wedding become a fashionable tradition, a trend taken from films. Of course, the majestic church, the penetrating music, the sacrament of the ancient rite - this is beautiful and romantic. But this is the last thing the couple should care about. The main thing is life according to the laws of God, which will quietly save the family from many worldly problems.

Question to the priest: why do men cheat on their wives?

— There is the famous TV series “Breaking Bad,” which shows how a person gives himself the right to commit a crime, gets involved in sin, based on some more or less lofty considerations, and how this sin then affects everything around him, like a cancerous tumor. There, the hero himself is sick with cancer, and he seems to be healing. But the business he started begins to grow and devours the entire space of life around him. This is a very clear example. He shows well what a person becomes, bound by sin, who at the same time tries to break free. He is tormented by his conscience - there is a scene with a fly, in one of the episodes it flies constantly and does not give the hero peace. But it turns out that he is already deeply in trouble, and not only himself - he pulled his wife and everything that surrounds him along with him. And it seems like he has an excuse: he has cancer, he needs money for treatment and his family... A person who lives in such a state, in captivity of sin, will constantly look for an excuse for his action. He can't live without it. He needs some external event or some higher goal to which he could appeal and explain why he is doing this. Moreover, he himself feels bad from the endless search for justification. The most serious condition.