This is why we need to get married so that it will help us lead a chaste life; and this will be the case if we take such brides who can bring us great chastity, great modesty. A wife is a haven and the most important cure for mental illness. If you keep this pier free from winds and waves, you will find great peace in it, but if you disturb and agitate it, then you are preparing for yourself the most dangerous shipwreck. (St. John Chrysostom).
The wife is given to the husband to help, so that the husband, with her consolation, can endure everything that happens to him in life. And if the wife is meek and adorned with virtues, then not only with her company she will bring comfort to her husband, but in general she will provide him with great benefit, making everything easier for him, helping him in everything, not leaving him in difficult trials, like those external (outside the home). , and those that happen every day in the house; but, like a skilled helmsman, she, with her prudence, will calm down every spiritual storm in him and with her cohabitation will give him consolation. For those living in such a union of marriage, nothing in real life can sadden them too much, nothing can disturb their peaceful happiness (St. John Chrysostom).
Marriage is a gift of God, sanctified by the blessing of the Church. The very first act of the Creator after the creation of husband and wife was to bless them to “be fruitful and multiply”; this is how the blessing of marital cohabitation and childbearing took place so that family members would simultaneously be members of the Church of Christ. The Lord Jesus Christ not only confirmed the original blessing of marriage, but also restored the law about it to its original force. Contrary to the Mosaic Law, which still allows the dissolution of marriage, Christ decisively prohibits divorce. And to the question of the Pharisees, “Is it permissible to divorce your wife for any reason?” he pointed to the original law of the unity and indissolubility of marriage, established by the first marriage couple Adam and Eve, and added:
If God unites, let not man separate.
The Gospel of Luke (chapter 102) says that marriage will cease to exist only when there is no death. The interpretation of this Gospel says:
The sons of this age, who in this world give birth and with those who give birth, marry and encroach. For centuries, their sons will neither have anything of the kind nor die, and may be deprived of marriage there. Where is the death of marriage for the sake of death? Marriage is for the sake of death, it is an exercise in death. What does marriage require? Marriage is a help to mortals and fulfillment of lack.
In the life of St. Nicholas the Wonderworker there is a description of a miracle about three virgins: an impoverished husband, the father of three daughters, wanted to give them to a shameful and lawless fornication in order to thus alleviate poverty in the family. To prevent these intentions, Saint Nicholas secretly appeared in his house three times with bundles of gold and with his help contributed to the fact that all three girls were legally married. From this it is clear that Saint Nicholas recognized the need for the marriage union, as the Sacrament of Marriage, sanctified by the Church. This event took place in the 4th century, when there were no wedding rites yet, and marriages were performed only with a parental blessing in the presence of witnesses (Book Kormchaya, page 500).
Wedding in Rus'
In the Old Testament, marriage was revered even higher than virginity, and fornicators and adulterers were killed with stones (Bible, Leviticus, Chapter 20 and Deuteronomy, Chapter 22). The Prophet Jeremiah also did not disdain marriage and advised the Israelis to enter into one, and when the marriage of Tobiah, the son of Tobit, took place, the incorporeal servant of the Lord, Archangel Raphael, arrived at his house. (Book of Tobit, 1-14 ch.)
The Gospel of John (chapter 6) describes the celebration of a marriage in Cana of Galilee, to which Jesus Christ Himself and the Most Holy Theotokos were invited. Christ honored this wedding feast with his presence and made up for the lack of wine by miraculously transforming simple water into the best wine. The first miracle described in the Gospel is confirmation that the Savior himself blessed this marriage, performed at home.
Marriage in Cana of Galilee. The miracle of turning water into wine (John 2:1-11). Fragment of "Maesta" by Duccio, 1308 - 1311.
How did the rite of a church wedding develop?
In the first century after the Birth of Christ, in apostolic times, Christians did not have a legalized wedding priesthood; marriages were performed at home, with a triple blessing, since churches did not yet exist.
There were different positions among the apostles regarding marriage. Thus, the Apostle Paul spoke of Christianity as an immaculate, sinless, ascetic religion. Peter called for early marriages and the inclusion of everyone in marriage.
Married life should be chaste. The main source of chastity is the Church. In his letter to the Ephesians, the Apostle Paul elevates Christian marriage to the meaning of the union of Christ with the Church, as head with body. This union is mysterious, because it is incomprehensible:
This is a great mystery; I speak in relation to Christ and to the Church (Eph. 5; 31-32).
“This is the law of God, which combines husband and wife, established for the propagation of the human race and for the limitation of lust,” is how early Christian theologians describe the reasons for marriage.
...To avoid fornication, each one have his own wife, and each one have his own husband (1 Cor. 7:2).
Thus, one must get married in order to lead a chaste life. Saint John Chrysostom advises parents to preserve the chastity of their sons by marrying them earlier, and to prevent fornication it is necessary to unite their son in marriage with a chaste and reasonable wife, who will keep her husband from a reckless lifestyle.
The Church clearly opposes civil marriages - cohabitation without a church blessing is considered the greatest sin.
In the interpretation of St. John Chrysostom on the First Epistle to Timothy, the Apostle Paul says:
For this reason, crowns are placed on the heads, the formation of victory, as if they were invincible, so they come to the bed of the invincible bystanders from sweetness. If he was caught out of lust, the harlots themselves from a distance, for the sake of other things and to have a crown on their head, they are defeated. We teach them these things, we punish them with them, we frighten them with them, we forbid them, when they do this, when they do it.
The Apostle Paul about the meaning of marriage in human life in his letters:
It’s better to get married than to get thin (chapter 136). Even if you get married, you have not sinned, and even if you have violated a virgin, you have not sinned (chapter 138). Even if an angel brings you good news, let him be anathema (chapter 199).
In the book of Ephraim the Syrian (word one) it is said:
Nowhere is it written that if you don’t understand a wife, you shouldn’t have children. The heretics abhorred marriage and did not accept sinners for repentance; they were called purists (Prince Helmsman, 1st Council, pr. 8th).
According to the apostolic rules: a marriage-borer cannot be a confessor (right 51 Apostolic); those who sin should be accepted to repentance (Apostolic Pr. 52). A bigamist or a concubine cannot be a confessor (right 17 of the Holy Apostle); for the sake of the priesthood, do not let go of your wife, i.e., the confessor must not be separated from his lawful wife (St. Apostle 5); prodigal priest - let him not be (Book Nomakanon pr. 181, 182 and 183).
The Apostle Paul, in Christ's teaching on the indissolubility of marriages (1 Cor. 7:10), supports the prohibition of interreligious marriages, but if one of the spouses has converted to Christianity, husband or wife, then they can save each other. The dissolution of such a marriage is possible only at the request of the non-Christian party (1 Cor. 7; 12-16).
Emperor Alexei Komnenos (1081–1118) for the first time issued a decree on church weddings among Christian slaves, who had until now been denied this, since they did not recognize the equality of masters and slaves in the face of the Christian faith alone. The same phenomenon was characteristic of the first years of the adoption of Christianity in Rus', when church marriage embraced noble people, and the lower class was left to live without a wedding.
The stage preceding the wedding was associated with betrothal, which in early Christianity took place several years before marriage, and during the life of the groom no one could marry this bride.
The holiness of Christian weddings and marriages was combined with the communion of the Holy Mysteries. The wedding took place during the Liturgy or immediately after it.
Sacrament of wedding. Photo taken from an open group of the social network VKontakte
For violation of marital fidelity, the Church excommunicated from Communion of the Holy Mysteries for a period of 7 to 15 years. It was also forbidden to ordain bigamous men to the sacred degrees. They were also prohibited from Communion of the Holy Mysteries for 1 year, and triplets - for 3 years as punishment for lack of patience, self-control and devotion to the will of God. During the wedding, prayers were read to such couples for forgiveness of the sin of carnal weakness, which prompted them to enter into a new marriage, since the Church looked at a third marriage better than debauchery.
S.S. Kuzin. "Wedding. Towards the light of God"
The sanctity of the marriage union is insulted not only by adultery, but also by other sins: discord, resentment, which ultimately leads to divorce. Saint John Chrysostom teaches us that marriage is not so that we fill our homes with enmity and hatred, have quarrels and dissensions, start disagreements with each other and make life miserable, but so that we can benefit from help, have a haven, a refuge and consolation in times of adversity, in order to find pleasure in conversation with his wife. “Do you want your wife to obey you, husband, as the Church obeys Christ? - asks Saint John Chrysostom, - take care of her yourself, as Christ takes care of the Church. Teach your wife the fear of God, and everything will flow to you as from a source, and your house will be filled with numerous blessings.”
In “Conversations on Marriage,” St. John Chrysostom writes:
From love comes constant chastity... From chastity comes love, and from love comes countless benefits. Just as it is impossible for a chaste man to despise his wife and ever neglect her, so it is impossible for a depraved and dissolute man to love his wife, even if she were the most beautiful of all. It is not so much external things that make spouses amiable and pleasant to each other, but chastity, kindness, affection and willingness to die for each other.
In Rus', in order to protect the bride from anything that could harm her modesty and chastity, she did not see the groom until the wedding.
N. A. Antokhina-Kuraksa. "Peasant wedding" 2004
The rite of church weddings developed gradually. In Rus' in the 11th-12th centuries the Sacrament of Marriage was already performed, but its order has not been preserved to this day. In the 16th-17th centuries, the wedding rite finally took on the form that is now used by Old Believers who accept the priesthood.
Happiness built on sin
If half a century ago a couple living without marriage registration was contemptuously called cohabitants, now some people are proud of their position, explaining everything by mutual trust and freedom of action.
What kind of trust are we talking about if the couple decided to first try to become a family in order to be able to find their will at any time? Those people who boast of their freedom most likely confused this word with permissiveness.
Civil marriage
Unsigned couples initially live in lies, mistrust and uncertainty about the future. Civil marriage is an illusion of the Christian family. Although a woman calls herself a wife, she actually does not have any rights as an official spouse. Through the prism of fornication and deception, women acquire a fictitious family, men - a free mistress, a housekeeper.
A family built on fornication will never have the patronage of the church. All sin is considered lawlessness (John 3:4).
By violating the laws of spiritual life, a person leads himself to self-destruction; he has no opportunity to get into the Kingdom of God. The Apostle Paul warns about this in His letter to the Corinthians. Chapter 6 of this message clearly states that fornication and adultery are mortal sins.
Important! At the same time, Paul (1 Cor. 6:9-20) warns that many things are permissible for a person, but no passions should control a believer, for his body is the temple of God. Here the apostle emphasizes that the Lord's doors are always open to those who understand their sin and repent.
Every couple living in a civil marriage, if the spouses were raised in Christian families, knows very well that their relationship is a sin that will never bring complete happiness. The main difference between a civil family and a legal family lies in mistrust, fear of responsibility, and uncertainty about one’s own feelings.
About family in Orthodoxy:
- Patriarchal family in modern Orthodoxy
- About sex life in an Orthodox family
- Is it obligatory for Orthodox Christians to have many children?
Celebration of the Sacrament of Marriage by the Old Believers-Priests
Marriages in the Old Believer Church do not take place every day. Marriages are not performed:
- During Christmas time - from the Birth of Christ on January 7 (December 25, old style) to Epiphany on January 19 (January 6, old style);
- On Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays;
- On the eve of the holidays;
- On the Friday before parents' Saturdays;
- On Maslenitsa;
- During all fasts (Great, Petrov, Uspensky and Rozhdestvensky);
- On Bright Easter Week;
- On the holidays of the Beheading of John the Baptist on September 11 (August 29, old style) and the Exaltation of the Honorable Cross on September 27 (September 14, old style).
The Sacrament of Marriage, performed in the Old Believer Church, consists of betrothal and wedding.
Author: Nina Lukyanova
Is it obligatory for Orthodox Christians to have many children and not to plan a family?
The social concept of the Russian Orthodox Church answers this difficult question in the following way: “... Some of the contraceptives actually have an abortifacient effect, artificially interrupting the life of the embryo at the earliest stages, and therefore judgments related to abortion are applicable to their use. Other means that are not related to the suppression of an already conceived life cannot in any way be equated to abortion. When determining their attitude towards non-abortive means of contraception, Christian spouses should remember that the continuation of the human race is one of the main goals of the divinely ordained marriage union. Intentional refusal to have children for selfish reasons devalues marriage and is an undoubted sin. At the same time, spouses are responsible before God for the full upbringing of children. One of the ways to implement a responsible attitude towards their birth is to abstain from sexual relations for a certain time.”
Wedding ceremony in the Orthodox Church
CHURCH MARRIAGE - a marriage concluded in a church according to religious rites. In pre-revolutionary Russia, only church marriage was recognized. In a number of modern countries it has the same force as civil marriage. In the Russian Federation, a church marriage has no legal force.
Church marriage is not possible:
when married more than three times
if the bride and groom are closely related
if one of those entering into marriage declares himself a convinced atheist who came to the wedding only at the insistence of one of their spouses or parents
if at least one of the spouses is not baptized and is not ready to be baptized before the wedding
if one of the future spouses is actually married to another person (a civil marriage must be dissolved in the prescribed manner, and if the previous marriage was a church marriage, then the bishop’s permission to dissolve it and a blessing to enter into a new one is necessary) if there is a blood relationship between the bride and groom kinship, as well as spiritual kinship acquired through succession at baptism
if the degree of property of those wishing to get married is sufficiently close
if at least one of their spouses professes a non-Christian religion (Muslim, Judaism, Buddhism)
if someone has once committed himself to a monastic vow of celibacy, as well as priests and deacons after their ordination
There is a distinction between blood relationship and “property”, i.e. relationship between relatives of two spouses.
Consanguinity exists between persons who have a common ancestor: between parents and children, grandfather and granddaughter, between first and second cousins, uncles and nieces (first and second cousins), etc. Property exists between persons who do not have a common ancestor, but become related through marriage. In property there are relatives of the husband with relatives of the wife, relatives of the wife of one brother and relatives of the wife of another brother, or relatives of the first and second wife of one man.
Spiritual kinship exists between a godfather and his godson and between a godmother and her goddaughter, as well as between the parents of the person adopted from the font and the recipient of the same sex as the person adopted (nepotism).
As for the age of majority of the bride and groom, their mental and physical health, voluntary and free consent, since a civil marriage cannot be registered without fulfilling these conditions, the church, if there is a marriage certificate, is exempt from clarifying these circumstances.
Church marriage
In Russia, before the October Revolution of 1917, living together between a man and a woman without God’s blessing was considered unthinkable! According to Christian teaching, marriage is the closest, comprehensive union of a man and a woman for procreation and mutual help and support throughout life!
Until 1775, Orthodox Christians had a sufficient period of time between betrothal and wedding. Then the church ordered betrothal and wedding to take place at the same time. To this day, church weddings take place in the following order:
- engagement
- wedding
- permission of the crowns
- thanksgiving prayer
It happens like this:
The priest leads the bride and groom into the church, blessing the bride and groom three times with the words: “In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.” For each blessing, the bride and groom make the sign of the cross. He gives them the lit wedding candles. Wedding rings are placed on the holy altar in advance so that they receive the power of illumination and place the blessing of the Lord on the bride and groom. Ritual prayers are said. The priest takes the rings from the Holy Altar. First, he makes a cross with the ring on the groom with the words: “The servant of God (the name of the groom) is engaged to the servant of God (the name of the bride) in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit,” - he puts the ring on the groom first, then he puts the ring on the bride and, saying the same prayer, puts on the ring to the bride. Rings are a sign of an inextricable union between husband and wife.
After the priest's blessing, the bride and groom exchange rings. The priest prays to God that he himself will bless and approve the betrothal. This is where the engagement ends.
Wedding
The groom's right hand lies on top of the bride's right hand. The priest takes them by the hands and leads them to the center of the temple, on the floor there is a rug of white or any light shade (“footboard”). The bride and groom stand on top of him.
The priest asks: “Do you have the good and spontaneous consent, the strong thought, to take this wife whom you see here before you?”
The groom answers: “I have.”
- Wasn't another promised?
- Didn't promise.
The same questions are asked to the bride. Marriage cannot be celebrated without mutual consent.
During the wedding, three prayers are read:
- the first prayer is addressed to the Lord Jesus Christ;
- in the second prayer, the priest prays to the Lord God for the blessing and preservation of the married couple;
- in the third prayer, the priest turns to the Triune God, praying to him who created man, and from his rib created a wife - an assistant in business. Combining this couple and crowning them into one flesh, give them the fruit of the womb.
Then the priest takes the crown, crosses it over the groom with the words: “The servant of God is married to the servant of God in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit” - he gives the icon of the Savior on the crown to kiss and places it on the groom’s head (or rather, hands it to the best man who holds the crown over the groom's head for the entire further service). With the same words, a crown is placed on the bride’s head (on the bride’s crown is an icon of the Most Holy Theotokos).
The sacred moment of the wedding arrives. - Lord our God, crown them with glory and honor!
The priest pronounces this prayerful exclamation three times. Then, after reading the prayer and the Gospels, he gives the Gospels to the bride and groom to kiss.
Then a prayer is read for the preservation of the marriage, for honest and immaculate cohabitation.
After this, a cup of wine is served, the newlyweds drink from this cup three times, first the groom, then the bride. The wine is taken in three small sips.
The priest connects the right hands of the young people, placing his hand on top (through the hand of the priest, the husband receives a wife from the church, which united them in Christ forever). He leads the young people around the lectern three times. He takes off the crowns from kissing the images of the Savior and the Most Holy Theotokos, and prays for the newlyweds.
Resolution of the Crowns
Now a prayer is read for the permission of the crowns. It says that the Lord himself should bless the resolution of the crowns and keep the marriage indissoluble.
After the prayer, the priest makes the sign of the cross over the newlyweds and, taking their candles, congratulates them on the beginning of their married life and leads the newlyweds to the pulpit, where they are blessed with holy icons.
After this, the young people accept congratulations from all those present.
Wedding rules 1. The marriage will not be celebrated if it is not registered in the registry office. 2. The wedding of several couples is not allowed. 3. According to Orthodox customs, weddings are not celebrated on the following days:
- Tuesday
- Thursday
- Saturday
- Nativity Fast (November 28 - January 7)
- Christmas time (January 7 - January 20)
- February 14 (Eve of the Presentation of the Lord)
- Cheese Week (one week before Lent)
- April 6 (eve of the Annunciation of the Blessed Virgin Mary)
- Lent (seven weeks before Easter)
- Bright Week (Easter week)
- 39th day after Easter (Eve of the Ascension of the Lord)
- 49th day after Easter (Eve of the Holy Trinity)
- July 12 (Nativity of John the Baptist)
- Assumption Fast (August 14 - 27)
- September 10 - 11 (eve and day of the Beheading of John the Baptist)
- September 26 - 27 (eve and day of the Exaltation of the Holy Cross)
- October 13 (eve of the Intercession of the Blessed Virgin Mary)
4. Parents on both sides may not be present at the wedding 5. Relatives and friends arrive at the church in advance and are located in the following order:
- guests representing the groom stand on the right side at the entrance to the church;
- guests representing the bride on the left.
The bride is brought to church by her married father, he can be a godfather, an uncle, an older brother, but he must be a married man.
The bride and groom must be baptized
How to prepare for a wedding ceremony
In order for the wedding to become a real holiday that you will remember for the rest of your life, you need to take care of its organization in advance.
Tips: Agree on the place and time of the sacrament (In churches where there is no advance registration, the newlyweds agree to perform the sacrament directly on the wedding day.) The newlyweds need to do everything necessary for communion: fasting, prayer, mutual forgiveness. The newlyweds must come to the church on the wedding day at the beginning of the service, do not eat anything, do not drink or smoke the day before, from 12 o’clock at night (In the church, the bride and groom confess, pray during the liturgy and receive communion of the Holy Mysteries. After this, prayer services usually take place for about an hour , memorial services and funeral services) The presence of friends and relatives of the newlyweds at the liturgy is desirable, but, as a last resort, they can come at the beginning of the wedding. Taking photographs and filming with a video camera is not allowed in all temples. Check this question when choosing a church. Wedding rings must be given to the wedding priest in advance so that he can consecrate them by placing them on the throne. Witnesses needed. They will hold crowns over the heads of the newlyweds. Witnesses must be baptized. The church charter prohibits the wedding of several couples at the same time, but in practice, they mostly marry several couples at once. Of course, each couple would like to get married separately, but in this case the sacrament can drag on for a long time (the duration of one wedding is 30-40 minutes). If you want to avoid waiting for a long time and get married alone, then it is better to do it on weekdays (Monday, Wednesday, Friday). On Sundays there are many more people interested. You will need: a marriage certificate, so registration of marriage in the registry office must be before the wedding; a piece of white linen or a towel (the young people will stand on it); crosses are required for both spouses; wedding candles; rings; icons of the Savior and the Virgin Mary.
In the first centuries of Christianity, weddings took place directly after the Divine Liturgy. This does not happen now, but sharing the sacrament before starting married life is extremely important. Anyone who wishes to worthily receive communion of the Holy Mysteries of Christ must, at least 2-3 days in advance, prayerfully prepare himself for this: pray more and more diligently at home in the morning and evening, attend church services. Before the day of communion, you must be at the evening service. The rule for Holy Communion is added to home evening prayers (it includes the canons: repentance to the Lord Jesus Christ, prayer service to the Most Holy Theotokos, Guardian Angel, as well as the Follow-up to Holy Communion). Fasting is combined with prayer - abstinence from fast food - meat, eggs, milk and dairy products - and if married life already takes place - abstinence from marital relations.
What the bride should wear for her wedding: minimal, almost invisible makeup and discreet manicure, light perfume; headdress is required - veil, headscarf; A woman should not wear trousers; arms, shoulders, back, chest - must be covered (take care of a cape); The problem with a long and fluffy veil is that it can be ruined if it touches burning candles. The dress can be any color (but according to tradition, the bride must wear a white dress, even if she is elderly)
Sacrament of wedding: rules and wedding calendar
In the Russian Orthodox Church, weddings are not celebrated on all fasts (There are one-day and multi-day fasts. One-day fasts are established: on Wednesdays and Fridays throughout the year, with the exception of a few weeks - weeks: weeks in which there is no fasting on Wednesday and Friday.
These include: Christmastide; third week before Lent; Maslenitsa; Easter (Bright) Week - the week after Easter; Trinity Week is the week after the day of the Holy Trinity (Pentecost). And also on the Feast of the Exaltation of the Cross of the Lord, the Day of the Beheading of John the Baptist and Christmas Eve. Multi-day fasts: Great Lent, Petrovsky - begins a week after the holiday of Trinity and ends with the day of the apostles Peter and Paul (July 12); Assumption - from August 1 (14) to the Assumption of the Virgin Mary on August 15 (28); Rozhdestvensky - from November 15 (28) to Christmas Eve December 24 (January 6). Great Lent, as well as fasts on Wednesdays and Fridays, are canonical - see Rule 69 of St. Apostles.
The remaining posts are statutory, i.e. introduced into practice through the monastic charter, which later extended to the laity.
It is not performed on the eve of one-day fasts and during multi-day fasts.
You can't get married either:
on Easter week;
on Christmastide (days from the Nativity of Christ, December 25, old style (January 7, new style) to the day preceding Epiphany Eve;
on the days before the twelve holidays;
on Saturday;
on Tuesday and Thursday (i.e. on the days before Wednesday and Friday).
The bride needs to calculate whether the wedding falls on “critical days” (on these days a woman is prohibited from appearing in church).
Requirements that the Orthodox Church introduces into the bride’s attire:
minimal, almost unnoticeable makeup and discreet manicure, mild perfume;
headdress is required - veil, headscarf;
Your feet should be wearing closed shoes, not sandals;
A woman should not wear trousers;
arms, shoulders, back, chest - must be covered (take care of a cape);
The problem with a long and fluffy veil is that it can be ruined if it touches burning candles.
For the wedding you will need to take with you 2 towels (one is placed under the feet, the other is tied with hands), 4 handkerchiefs (2 for the newlyweds - to hold candles, 2 for witnesses - to hold the crowns), 2 icons. Wedding candles will be available for purchase at the church immediately before the ceremony.
What is a church wedding: the beginning or the end? Not a beginning, because that is what Love is. And not the end result, because there is still a lot to be done. A wedding is a blessing from the church, strengthening two different people on the path of life together and consolidating their chosen decision. In other words, wedding is a stage followed by continuation.
Wedding is one of the seven sacraments of the Russian Orthodox Church. It is believed that marriage was established by God in paradise, and Jesus Christ, being a guest at the wedding in Cana of Galilee, sanctified and confirmed the very structure of marriage. For a long time (until the 10th century) there was no special wedding rite in the church, and even then it appeared gradually, in stages. At first, it was enough to declare oneself husband and wife in the church community - in this case, the marriage was considered perfect and could not be dissolved. Later, it was necessary to take the priest's blessing for the marriage, and sometimes the presence of a priest at the wedding feast was required. By the 10th century, a Christian man and a Christian woman wishing to get married were required to receive communion together at the Eucharist (the Eucharist or Liturgy is the name given to the main Christian service). It was from the rite of the Liturgy that the modern sacrament of Marriage arose.
Betrothal The sacrament of marriage is preceded by betrothal. In Rus', until the 18th century, it took place a month or even a year before the wedding and was a kind of agreement, a legal obligation to enter into a marriage in the future. But at the same time, the engagement could be terminated. For example, if it turned out that the bride or groom had already made a promise to someone else. If the betrothal was dissolved for unjustifiable reasons, the terminating party was required to pay substantial monetary compensation. In the West (in the Catholic and Protestant churches), the equivalent of a betrothal was an engagement. Its social part - the exchange of rings some time before the wedding and the public announcement of the expected wedding date - is still a tradition today in wealthy aristocratic families in Europe.
Nowadays, in the Russian Orthodox Church, the betrothal takes place immediately before the wedding in the narthex of the church (the narthex is located immediately behind the entrance to the temple, and if the church is small, the betrothal can take place almost at the very door).
First, the Cross and the Gospel are carried out from the altar to the place where the betrothal takes place. The newlyweds stand separately in the vestibule of the temple: the groom is on the right, the bride is on the left. The priest, using an epitrachelion (epitrahelion - in Slavic “bib” - a symbol of the power of Christ given to the priest) connects the hands of the bride and groom and places the young people in the center. Then he blesses the bride and groom with lighted candles. Candles symbolize the joy of what is happening and the willingness of the engaged to serve God and each other. Before taking the candles, the young people cross themselves. You can and should be baptized at any moment of the wedding, and especially before the priest’s action directed directly at the bride or groom. It is customary to hold candles with a hand covered with a white scarf.
Then the priest returns to the altar again for the rings lying on the Holy Altar, after which the rings are exchanged. Today this procedure is performed by a priest, but initially this was done by the successors of the young, who are more often called best men or witnesses. These days, the groom's closest friend is usually the best man, and the bride's friend is the maid of honor. But initially, the successors standing behind the young people were representatives of their parents or godparents, that is, those who assumed (assumed) the power of their parents.
The exchange of rings indicates the consolidation of the marriage contract and that the consent of the parents has been obtained for the marriage. The exchange of rings occurs three times - as a sign of awareness of the chosen path.
Wedding
While singing “Glory to Thee, our God, glory to Thee!” The bride and groom, led by the priest, move to the central part of the temple. The priest places the young people in front of a lectern with the Cross and the Gospel on a white stool. One for two, the foot symbolizes common joy and undivided life in marriage, and the white color symbolizes the chastity and virginity of those entering into marriage. The footstool is usually brought to the temple by the young people themselves (usually the bride’s family takes care of this). This could be a white towel, a small tablecloth, or just a piece of linen (in some churches it is customary to donate the footstool for the needs of the church). Sometimes a cross-embroidered diaper or a festive children's corner, preserved from the bride's baptism, is used as a footstool.
Before marrying the newlyweds, the priest asks the bride and groom if they are firm in their intentions and whether they have made a promise of marriage to someone else: “Ima-shi (name) has the good and natural will to take this/this wife (husbands) (name) do you see him/her before you here? Was he promised to another bride? (Didn’t she promise to another husband?)” After the wedding party’s answers, indicating the awareness of their decision, the sacrament of the wedding itself begins.
In the prayers that the priest reads, the Old Testament righteous people who lived faithfully and happily in marriage are often repeated - Abraham and Sarah, Isaac and Rebecca, Jacob and Rachel, Joseph and Asenath, Moses and Zipporah, Joachim and Anna, Zechariah and Elisha. The priest asks the Lord to grant those who are getting married to “see the children of children” - “children of children,” that is, grandchildren, to bless them with prosperity (“to fill their houses with wheat”) and to give them “love for each other in a bond of peace.” In church prayer it is recalled that even in paradise the Lord created a wife for Adam - a “helper” for him, “replenishing” himself...
The priest then places crowns on the bride and groom. Sometimes it’s real, and sometimes the crowns are held over the heads of those getting married. Crowns symbolize God's blessing and the union of spouses in eternal life. The passage from the Apostle (“Acts of the Holy Apostles”), read at the wedding, says that from now on the two must become one - one flesh. The Gospel, which sounds in the temple immediately after the Apostle, tells about the marriage in Cana of Galilee, where Christ was present and where He performed the first miracle.
After the Lord's Prayer, the newly crowned couple drink a common cup. Historically, the common cup is the joint communion of those being married at the liturgy. Nowadays it is a common cup of red wine for two, blessed by a priest. The wine in the cup recalls the miracle of turning water into it (and grape wine, as you know, is a symbol of joy and fullness of life). And the fact that the cup is common, one for two, symbolizes the complete unity of the spouses, the inseparability of their union in joy and sorrow, sorrow and consolation. It is no coincidence that it is the bride who drinks everything to the last drop, because she is the wise keeper of the hearth, called upon to always think about preserving the family.
After this, the priest, accompanied by solemn singing, leads the wedding couple three times around the lectern (a high quadrangular stand), on which the Cross and the Gospel lie. The circle is a symbol of eternity, the eternal union of husband and wife in Christ. It is interesting that in the Orthodox tradition of past centuries, walking around the lectern three times was considered a symbol, a sign of wedding. This was even sung about in folk songs: the words “The circle of the lectern led” meant that the hero got married, married his chosen one.
And indeed, soon after walking around the lectern, the priest removes the crowns from the newlyweds. At the same time, he likens his wife to Rachel, the Old Testament righteous woman, “keeping the limits of the law,” that is, protecting the laws of the family and the church.
Prayer service Usually in modern church practice, a short prayer service for the newlyweds is added to betrothals and weddings, and in this case it takes place in the immediate vicinity of the altar - on the pulpit, in the center of the solea (the raised platform in front of the iconostasis that separates the church from the altar). At the end of the prayer service, many years are proclaimed to the newlyweds. After this, the priest blesses the couple with icons: the groom with an icon of the Savior (less often with an icon of some saint), the bride with an icon of the Mother of God. The icons symbolize the church and parental blessing of the newlyweds to live together. Initially, these icons were not brought to church; parents blessed the newlyweds with them on the threshold of the house. Often after a wedding, bells ring from the church bell tower - a sign of general joy and triumph.
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Why do Orthodox marriages break up as often as ordinary ones?
If the marriage is truly church, then it will not fall apart. Of course, often when people enter into a church marriage, they do not realize why they are doing it, what the purpose of their marriage is in the Christian sense. After all, any human action is determined by the ultimate goal. The purpose of an ordinary marriage is to create a family, satisfy the spouses’ needs for love and care, and give birth and raise children. But there is another meaning in a Christian marriage, perhaps the most important, since it is this that makes such a marriage Christian. The true basis of an Orthodox marriage should be the mutual desire of the spouses, together, helping each other, to move towards the Christian goal of life - towards salvation, towards God. If a family calls itself Christian, but at the same time it has other goals in the first place - only earthly and final ones, then there is no reason to call such a marriage Orthodox. And such marriages break up for exactly the same reasons as all others: loss of mutual love, hard-heartedness, the desire for earthly happiness at any cost.
