In the first days after the death of a loved one, every person feels an unreal emptiness and every hour they not only want to die and be close to their loved ones in the next world, but at least to live in the graveyard. But is it possible to go to the cemetery on Sunday, another day of the week, every day? How correct is such a desire - what does the church say on the issue of visiting a graveyard, when you can’t go to a cemetery, when you can, and so on.
Is it possible to go to the cemetery every day?
Is it possible to go to the cemetery on Sunday or only on Wednesday? Is it possible to visit the cemetery every day? Every Orthodox priest will say that if a relative or close friend, a loved one, has died and is buried in a graveyard, then the desire to visit his grave is understandable and natural. At the same time, a relative or friend can visit his grave daily, grieving for his soul.
But how justified are such daily visits? As Orthodoxy says, there is no need to visit the grave every day; it is impossible to help the soul with such actions. But praying for his peace and tranquility in the next world is undoubtedly worth doing. Relatives and friends can gather for a wake, on the birthday of the deceased, in a family circle, so to speak, to honor his memory, but their prayer is important for the soul.
Nevertheless, every Orthodox priest will definitely say - regardless of whether a friend is Muslim or Jew, his grave should not be abandoned. It’s worth coming to clean it and remember the dead, especially on the following days:
- this is a funeral when the deceased is seen off by all his relatives;
- on the 3rd, 9th and 40th days after death - when the blessed memory of the deceased is commemorated, special food is prepared and ritual commemoration is held in the temple.
But there are also days in Orthodoxy when it is forbidden to go to the churchyard. Orthodoxy includes Easter and Christmas, Trinity, and the Annunciation as such. In this case, a memorial for relatives should be organized at home, remembered in the family circle, and a funeral service ordered in a church.
Rules for funerals on Sunday
Close relatives need to start Memorial Sunday with prayer. You can do this at home in front of the images, but it is better to go to the temple for morning prayer, submitting a note for the repose of your soul. The soul of a deceased person especially needs kindred prayer, which helps the deceased go through all the ordeals until the Last Judgment.
It is also obligatory to give alms to those in need, asking them to pray for the deceased. It is customary to bring bread and cereals to church for the funeral of the soul, which are placed on a specially designated table.
After visiting the temple, you are supposed to go to the grave of the deceased. They bring with them ritual wreaths and baskets to decorate the burial site, equipment for putting things in order, lamps and candles. It is also customary to take candy and cookies to the cemetery, a towel for a man’s grave, and a headscarf for a woman’s grave. Afterwards, it is customary to give all these items to any passerby, asking them to pray for (name) of the deceased.
Almost all cemeteries have churches where you can go to order a lithium. The prayer is conducted by the priest at the grave of the deceased. After visiting the cemetery, it is customary to organize a memorial dinner, inviting all the relatives and friends of the deceased. The memorial meal will allow those who come to remember the deceased with a kind word and pray for his soul.
Favorable and unfavorable days for visiting the dead
As noted earlier, the Orthodox canon strictly regulates the days, even the number, when going to the cemetery is permitted and prohibited. Above we looked at the list of days falling on Orthodox holidays when going to the churchyard is prohibited:
- Christmas. The name itself speaks of the superiority of life over death, therefore you should not visit the churchyard on this day - you should rejoice at the birth of Christ.
- Easter. Just as the bright holiday of the Resurrection of the Lord surpasses death, so the living should not “pull” negativity onto themselves from the territory of the cemetery. You are allowed to visit the churchyard on Radonitsa - the 9th day of Easter.
- Trinity. A bright holiday should not be associated with sorrowful thoughts about death. Yes, and folk wisdom, like the Orthodox canon, recommends remembering relatives the day before, on Saturday.
- Annunciation. This time before Radonitsa is dedicated to the Lord and therefore funeral prayers are not read in church. It is better to visit the temple these days.
These are the basic rules; further it is described, by day of the week, which day is good for visiting the cemetery, and which is prohibited.
Monday and Tuesday
The canons of Orthodoxy do not recommend visiting the churchyard on a day like the Monday following Easter - it is on these days that relatives commemorate their dead in churches. It is allowed to go to the cemetery on Tuesday - there are no special prohibitions on this particular day.
Wednesday, Thursday and Friday
If we talk about whether it is possible to visit a cemetery in the middle of the week, on days such as Wednesday - Friday, then the Orthodox Church does not give any special prohibitions. But if these days fall on 3, 9 or 40 memorial days, then the norms of the church canon allow visiting the grave of the deceased.
But folk signs say that going to the churchyard these days means surrendering into the hands of the dead, attracting uninvited guests from the other world into the house. Although if a visit is mandatory, so to speak, it should be in the morning, at least lunch, but do not postpone the visit until the afternoon.
Saturday and Sunday
Saturday is the permitted day for visiting the grave of a relative or friend, when after the service in the temple it is especially recommended to remember the deceased in the cemetery.
But it’s worth remembering that some Saturdays are special holidays when visiting the cemetery is prohibited. Such holidays are:
- Meat Saturday - it occurs before Easter, a week before its celebration.
- 2, 3 and 4 Saturdays of Great Easter Lent.
- Trinity Saturday preceding Trinity Sunday.
- The first Saturday in the last month of autumn, called Dmitrovskaya.
Is it possible to visit the cemetery on Sunday? In this regard, Orthodox priests call Sunday Day Little Easter, when services are held in the church and all Orthodox Christians are reminded of the sacrifice of Christ. Therefore, visiting the grave where a loved one is buried is not recommended - you should postpone the trip.
There are typical questions about how to remember correctly - about alms, memorial tables and vodka
How to give alms for the dead at this time?
We need to distribute money, food, and clothing to all the poor and needy. It is believed that all this will be credited to the deceased.
After the death of the deceased, you can immediately order magpie in the temple. It will be read in the temple for all 40 days. That's why it gets its name.
For the first forty days, you need to pray long and hard for the deceased
Why do we need a funeral table?
A folk custom has also developed - after the funeral, to gather relatives and friends at the funeral table in the church. Of course, the church does not prevent this at all. But the main thing that should be done here is a common prayer to all those present for the repose of the soul of the newly deceased.
Where are the memorial tables in the temple?
As a rule, such a table stands next to the eve, where candles are lit for the repose. This eve has a square shape.
What do they put on the funeral table in the church?
Usually they put candy, cookies, flour. Mainly sweets, which are distributed to everyone who comes to the temple. This is what they bring to church for the funeral table
When asked “is it possible to remember with vodka”, the correct answer is no. In no case.
You can't commemorate it with vodka. Alcohol harms the deceased.
Alcohol will only harm the deceased. They gather at the table to remember a person with a kind word, to remember his good qualities and deeds.
Interpretation by time of day
In addition to the specific day of the week when the church allows or prohibits visiting the cemetery, the time of day is also taken into account.
In the morning
Ancient ancestors always said that one should visit the cemetery early in the morning, when the sun has risen, since it is at these moments that the Lord releases the souls of the dead to earth. By late afternoon, even at lunchtime, this road is closed, so contact with your loved ones will be lost.
Mediums note that the most favorable time to visit the churchyard is from 6 am to 12 noon. At this time, energy exchanges between the worlds of the living and the dead freeze, and dark forces are not able to harm.
During the day
During the daytime, you can also plan to visit the grave, clean them and remember your own relatives. The main thing is to have time to do everything before dark. On the other hand, mediums do not advise visiting the churchyard after lunch - the energy exchange between worlds increases, and the dead can harm a living person. This is especially true for people who are suspicious and emotionally weak, whom the slightest rustle in the churchyard can throw them into panic. Therefore, it is worth postponing the visit until the next morning.
In the evening
The evening is also undesirable in relation to the time of visiting the graveyard - in this statement the church and folk signs are united. And superstitions say that the dead can rise from their graves and frighten the living. And simply anyone alive can disturb the souls of the departed, which can anger them.
At night
Night is also undesirable, and in categorical form it is undesirable to visit the graveyard - powerful streams of the other world penetrate into the world of the living and can cause harm both on a mental and physical level. Plus, church ministers give a simple and reasonable explanation of this prohibition - often the social elements of society that are not as dead as the living, not always positive, can cause harm. Homeless people and the mentally ill, bandits and even packs of dogs - they all pose a real danger at night for everyone alive.
Why is the remembrance of the dead performed?
The eternally living soul of the deceased experiences a great need for constant prayer, for it cannot itself do good deeds with which it would be able to appease the Lord.
Commemoration of the deceased is performed to determine their future path.
Everyone knows that the path of life, depending on how it is lived, leads a person to the threshold of eternal torment or eternal bliss, and there the soul awaits the resolution of its fate.
During this period, much depends on the prayers offered for him by the living, so it is necessary not only to celebrate funerals, which are essentially not needed by the dead, but also to pray, asking the Lord God and the Holy Saints to mitigate the fate and forgive the sins of the deceased.
The editors of the site recommend that you familiarize yourself with how to properly place candles in a church.
Is it possible to go to a cemetery during Lent?
When Lent begins, Lenten food is prepared and the church places restrictions on many pleasures and entertainment, many believers ask themselves the question: is it possible to visit the territory of the cemetery during Lent?
As the priests say, for example, during Lent you can visit the churchyard, but before Easter, and on specially designated days - the parents' churchyard. Throughout the fast, you can choose one of the three allotted days and visit the grave of your relatives. If we talk about visiting the cemetery after Easter, they visit the graveyard on a special day, Radunitsa, which occurs in the first week after the Resurrection of Christ.
How does a believer approach death?
In the ancient world there was no such thing as a birthday, and people did not celebrate this date. There is a theory according to which it is for this reason that the time of the birth of Jesus Christ was not precisely indicated. But another date was much more important - the moment of death, when the spirit met the Creator.
Ancient people believed in the afterlife, so their whole life was preparation for this transition. Today's Christians also believe in the transition to another life, through the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ, therefore believers should not be afraid of death, because this is only the moment of meeting God.
The wake on the 40th day after death is a celebration of this transition, after forty days of preparation of the soul for this.
Important articles:
- Orthodox burial rite
- Funeral service and commemoration of the dead
Most Christian denominations believe that after the soul leaves the body, nothing can be done to influence eternal life, much less bring repentance to the Creator. However, after this, emotions and memories are retained, so that the person is aware of everything.
Advice! Thus, death is the transition of the spirit from the body to another world, where it reaps the fruits of its earthly actions. That is why she should not be afraid, and believers should not feel horror, but everyone should prepare by doing good deeds and giving alms. Memorial service
During menstruation
Often a woman may wonder: if she is menstruating, can she visit the churchyard? No matter what week or day it is, or time of day, going to the cemetery during menstruation is not recommended. Previously, it was believed that a woman on this day was “dirty”, therefore her presence could desecrate the temple and the service, and her presence in the cemetery was undesirable.
Esotericists say the following - during menstruation, a woman’s uterus is opened to its maximum and it is through this bloody “portal” that otherworldly entities can enter her. This threatens the settlement of dark entities, obsession and health problems, mental breakdowns.
And from a physiological standpoint, visiting a cemetery on days when the body is weakened by heavy blood loss is also undesirable. Therefore, we can say from all sides that visiting the churchyard these days is extremely undesirable. If the presence of a woman is obligatory, for example, at the funeral of a relative, the main thing is to follow these rules:
- do not touch the deceased, especially open areas of the body;
- give up goodbye kisses;
- also, you should not touch the cross and the coffin, you should not see how the body is allowed into the grave;
- Before visiting the graveyard, read a special protective prayer to your Guardian Angel.
But the optimal solution would still be to refuse to visit the cemetery during critical days and reschedule the visit to other days.
There are three main stages after the death of a person
The first time prayers take place on the 3rd day. The second time is commemorated on the 9th day and the third on the 40th day after the death of a person. The countdown begins not after the funeral, but after the death of the person.
Third day from the date of death. What's going on here? It is believed that a person is still on earth for 2 days after death. The Angel of the Lord walks with a person through those places that are most entrenched in the person’s memory. And only on the 3rd day the soul ascends to heaven to God. Here a person first appears before God.
Prayer for the third day:
Rest, O Lord, to the soul of Thy departed servant (Thy departed servant, the soul of Thy departed servant) (name) (bow),
and as much as man has sinned in this life (men have sinned),
You, like the Lover of Mankind, are God,
forgive him (you, them) and have mercy (bow),
deliver eternal torment (bow),
bow to the heavenly Kingdom of the communicant (participant, partakers),
and do something useful for our souls (bow).
Ninth day from the date of death. On this day, the Angels of God ask for mercy for the deceased. They ask to forgive the sins that he committed during his life. All this time the soul is getting acquainted with the Kingdom of Heaven, familiarizing itself with those places.
Prayer for the ninth day:
God of spirits and all flesh, having trampled down death and abolished the devil, and given life to Thy world!
O Lord, give rest to the souls of your departed servants:
His Holiness Patriarchs, His Eminence Metropolitans,
archbishops and bishops, in the priestly,
those who served You in church and monastic rank;
Every sin they have committed in word or deed or thought,
as a good Lover of mankind, God forgives,
for there is no man who will live and not sin.
For you are the only one apart from sin,
Your righteousness is righteousness forever, and Your word is truth.
For You are the Resurrection, and the Life and Peace of Your departed servants (name of the rivers),
Christ our God, and to You we send glory with Your beginningless Father,
and Your Most Holy, and Good, and Life-Giving Spirit,
now and ever and unto ages of ages. Amen.
Fortieth day from the date of death. Here the fate of a person is decided, where he will go next. At this time, it is very necessary to remember and read prayers for the deceased. But even after forty days, one should not forget about the deceased. You should always pray!
Prayer for the fortieth day:
Rest, O Lord, the souls of Your departed servants: my parents, relatives, benefactors (their names),
and all Orthodox Christians,
and forgive them all sins, voluntary and involuntary,
and grant them the Kingdom of Heaven.
Procedure: funeral rules
On the fortieth day, the spirit of the deceased returns home for a day and after that leaves the earth forever. Legends say that if the spirit does not attend the funeral itself, it will suffer for all eternity, so it is definitely worth setting the table on this day and gathering to remember the deceased, but this must be done correctly.
You can present all this in the form of a list of recommendations:
- Pray: on this day, for all 40 days and in the future, remember the deceased;
- Bring a priest to the grave to perform a service or order a prayer service in the temple;
- When ordering a memorial service, you must renounce any of your sins, for your own benefit and to console the soul of the deceased;
- Make a donation to the temple;
- Gather at a common table all those who are close to the deceased and Orthodox Christians;
- Prepare special dishes;
- Do not drink alcohol;
- Don't sing songs.
A wake is not a celebration or a celebration, it is a moment of grief and petition. It is highly inappropriate to drink alcoholic beverages, sing songs or listen to music at this time. They take place for 1-2 hours, when believers remember the departed and pray for him.
Therefore, it is important that only Christians are present at the dinner who can share this time of grief with the family and support them spiritually.
What to cook
The meal is simple, especially if there is a general church fast. Even if there is no fasting, you should avoid eating meat and under no circumstances donate it to the temple.
Lunch can be arranged both at home and in a cafe. If the deceased was a regular parishioner, the priest may allow the memorial to be held in the church house after the end of the memorial service. Lunch is a continuation of the rite of worship, so it must be done with dignity.
There are a number of dishes that have been prepared for such dinners since ancient times. They are simple and satisfying.
Kutia, which is cooked in a large saucepan, and fish, which can be served in any form, are considered obligatory dishes. Baked or fried meat is not welcome on tables. You need to make your meal as lean as possible in order to benefit not only the spirit, but also the body.
In addition to kutia and fish, you can put on the table:
- rich pancakes;
- fish sandwiches (with sprats or herring);
- vegetable salads: beets with garlic, vinaigrette, herring under a fur coat, Olivier salad;
- cutlets: regular meat or stuffed with mushrooms and cheese;
- peppers stuffed with rice and meat;
- fish aspic;
- lean cabbage rolls (filled with vegetables and mushrooms with rice);
- baked fish;
- pies: fish, cabbage, rice, mushroom, potato or sweet (charlotte).
There are also a number of drinks that should be on the funeral table:
- kvass;
- lemonades;
- sbiten;
- fruit drink and juice;
- jelly: can be cooked from both berries and oatmeal.
Important! It is imperative to remember that the church prohibits drinking alcoholic beverages at such events, as well as leaving vodka on the grave of the deceased. During dinner, they remember the deceased, and with him other deceased relatives and friends. Funeral meal
Funeral speech
At such meals, it is necessary to make a speech, after which everyone should honor the deceased with a minute of silence.
It is best if there is a manager, someone close to the family, but who controls his emotions and maintains sobriety. His responsibilities will include not only monitoring preparations for the meeting (supervising staff if the event is in a cafe), but also giving the floor to family members.
Usually everyone in the family tries to say something about the deceased. And the manager controls the time of speaking and the order (close relatives should come first - spouse, parents or children, etc.
Grief is quite expected at such an event, so the manager must prepare and divert attention from the crying person to himself in time. It is worth remembering that a person did not die forever, but moved on to a better life, and this fact can be recalled in especially sorrowful moments.
Important! If a priest is invited to a meal, then he must serve a prayer service and deliver a sermon. If the remembrance takes place in a small circle, then all those gathered should pray for the deceased and, if possible, read a memorial service or prayer service on their own. At this time, it is recommended to light church candles.
What to talk about in such a speech? The man suddenly passed away and it would be appropriate to remember what he was like, his good deeds and distinctive qualities. You should not remember grievances and strife, if they have left resentment in your heart, this is the best time to talk about forgiveness. It is necessary to remember a person only on the good side, to describe some joint affairs, to remember a funny incident or a particularly touching one.
A funeral speech is a sad speech, but not melancholy. Man has not ceased to exist, he is simply now in a different form and world.
