Is it possible to remember after the anniversary of death?

Creativity › Signs › A year after a person’s death: commemoration on the anniversary, is it possible to commemorate 40 days earlier

A wake is a ritual performed to honor the memory of the deceased . The basis of a wake is a joint meal, arranged by loved ones in the house of the deceased person, or in the dining room.

Funeral services are carried out by:

on the day of death;
three days after death - the day of the funeral, when the soul goes to another world;
on the ninth day;
on the fortieth day;
the memorial meal is held six months after the death, and then on all subsequent anniversaries.

As usual, relatives or close people of the deceased come to the wake. It is important to remember that you cannot drive away those who come to honor the memory of the deceased. As a rule, wakes are organized not for guests and not for the sake of a feast, but with the goal of remembering the deceased and praying for his repose. It is especially important to read a prayer for the deceased before the funeral meal. Priests advise reading the seventeenth Kathisma from the Psalter and the prayer “Our Father” before starting to eat.

Shifting the date of the funeral
Memorial Day
Recommendations from clergy
Comments and advice

Why is it remembered a year after death?

Funeral services are held for different periods after a person passes into another world: a hot table on the day of the funeral, 9, 20, 40 days, six months and one year. A death anniversary is an important stage in spiritual life that people go through after the death of a loved one.

Believers accept the death of a relative more easily, because they know that parting with him is temporary. On the other hand, they rejoice for the deceased, that he has already gone through a difficult path after death and came to God. After all, loved ones do not disappear without a trace, but move into spiritual life.

How many days can a funeral be postponed?

There is no clear number of days for shifting the memorial day. The funeral service can be held a little earlier than the date of death or later, depending on current possibilities. However, you should not postpone the funeral for more than one week, since this ritual is of great importance for the deceased. If you are planning to order a magpie, it is advisable to notify the priest about the shift in the date of the memorial day so that he can read the requiem on the appointed day.

It is not recommended to organize a wake on the occasion of the anniversary of death ahead of schedule, since a year ago the deceased was still in the world of the living, and according to the rules, funerals are not celebrated for the living. Only dates of 9 days, 40 days and six months can be postponed for a short period, but only for important reasons. You can find out the meaning of the dates 9 days and 40 days here to understand why postponing the funeral is possible, but not desirable.

On dates of death in the second, third and subsequent years, postponing the funeral service is possible if the date falls on a weekday, or it is difficult for relatives to get together at the funeral table. In this case, you can choose a day that will be most convenient for most relatives and friends.

What to bring to the temple on your anniversary

Each church has a memorial table. When ordering a memorial service, many bring some food and leave it on a special table. This tradition has become mandatory, so all Christians try to fulfill it. You can bring: bread, various cereals, sugar, pasta, sunflower oil, sweets, cookies, fruits and other products.

When the funeral service takes place, these products are blessed and distributed to those in need. In monasteries, they are used to prepare funeral dinners, to which the closest relatives of the deceased are invited.

Many believers bring food as a gift to the priest who conducted the prayer service. Before doing this, check whether this is customary in the church where you are ordering a memorial service.

How to remember? The first thing you need to do is visit the temple and order funeral services. It is important not only to submit a note with the name of the deceased, but also to pray yourself while the service is going on.

Then you should visit the cemetery and tidy up the grave. Many superstitions have spread about this ritual. There is no need to believe in these superstitions: some of them are so absurd that they reach the point of ridiculousness.

For example, supposedly you must enter the church only through a narrow gate, but you cannot enter the gate, because the dead are transported through it. Dead people are carried through the streets, people die in hospitals, but we don’t stop going to the hospital.

Various signs are invented regarding the dead and cemeteries. It is believed that you should not bring any things home after a funeral or visiting a cemetery.

People are truly overcome with fear if they suddenly discover that they have brought something home. You shouldn’t be afraid of this, because these are just things and nothing more.

Superstitions and signs are invented in order to replace faith in God, to divert attention from an important matter to all sorts of nonsense. There is no need to give in to this. The Church does not recognize superstitions and absurd signs.

Independent mention

If a person does not have the opportunity to go to a funeral, you can remember the deceased at home. There is no need to host a lunch for this. As you know, celebrating the anniversary of death involves reading a prayer.

This option will be optimal. Most clergy advise reading the Psalter. How to do this correctly is usually described in detail in the appendix to the book. Between psalms it is necessary to read special prayers and mention in them the names of deceased relatives. This type of remembrance is the best.

There are some exceptions in which the church does not allow commemoration of the deceased during the Liturgy. This applies to people who were baptized but never went to church. It is believed that this indicates that the person was an unbeliever during his lifetime. The clergy call such people parishioners.

Also, the church never remembers those who have committed suicide, since this is a voluntary rejection of God’s main gift - life. This rule also applies to those people who died from a drug overdose, since such a death is also considered suicide.

What to put on the funeral table

After visiting the cemetery, a memorial meal is held on the anniversary. It can be done both at home and in a cafe. The meal takes place with prayer and good memories of the deceased, quietly and calmly.

Most often, funeral services are organized in accordance with Christian canons. If the commemoration takes place during Lent, then the funeral menu is Lenten. Among those who came to remember the deceased there are people who do not recognize Lenten food: you should not teach them Orthodox customs or argue with them: put fast and Lenten food on the table.

But if the deceased was a truly believing Christian, then his funeral table should be arranged according to Christian customs, even if someone close to him is against it.

Unchurched people may not attend funeral services, but they must respect Orthodox traditions if they come to remember the deceased.

Why is a funeral dinner held? A memorial service must be ordered on this day. Many people invite singers home, and everyone who comes to remember the deceased prays with them. And the funeral meal is a continuation of the Memorial Service.

Many people put alcohol on the table. There are different opinions on this matter. There is no strict prohibition, but do not forget that this is not an entertaining dinner, but a memorial meal. Therefore, drinking and drinking a lot of alcohol at a wake is blasphemy and a sin.

Funeral dishes

Funeral traditions also dictate the dishes that should be on the table: an abundance of treats is not necessary, but some specific dishes should be present. The following dishes are required at a funeral dinner:

pancakes;
Kutya;
pies;
compote;
jelly.

According to tradition, the first thing guests are served is pancakes, while eating them a prayer is read for the repose of the soul. Then the main part of the wake begins, when guests remember fond memories and drink, but clinking glasses and having fun at the funeral dinner is prohibited.

On the 40th day and anniversary, all acquaintances and friends can come, but on the 9th day, according to legend, only the closest people should be commemorated, since at this stage the soul of the deceased needs their prayer and help in atonement for sins.

Is it possible to remember earlier?

Everyone tries to book a memorial service on the same day, or one day before the anniversary. If for some reason you have to do it earlier or later, then this point must be discussed with the priest.

If the anniversary coincides with a major religious holiday, the priest may advise rescheduling the funeral. But on the date of departure, a visit to the temple and cemetery is mandatory.

It is important to know that the annual date may fall on major church holidays, such as Easter or Bright Week. These days they don’t remember. The commemoration is postponed to the next weekend - it can be a little earlier or later than the memorable date.

Celebrating the year during Holy Week is also not recommended. These days, all thoughts and actions should be given to prayers in the name of the Savior.

Question and answer

From what date is six months counted for receiving an inheritance if a missing person is declared dead by court?
The period for confirmation of rights to inheritance is counted from the date determined by court decision.

Does folk tradition distinguish special days determined by the date of death?

Such specially designated days were the fortieth day and the anniversary, when, as it is believed, the souls of the deceased especially often visit their relatives.

Will a stamp certificate and certificate be issued if applied for after seven days from the date of death?

Yes, the registry office administration, as a rule, meets halfway and issues the required documents, since the death of a citizen of Belarus must be registered with state registration authorities.

Should traditions based on superstition be followed?

There are many superstitions associated with the meal:

You should only eat with spoons; forks cannot be placed on the table. This tradition comes from a time when there were no forks.
An empty chair should be placed, supposedly the deceased will sit here.
There should be a glass of water on the table, covered with a crust of bread.
Food should be left at the cemetery for the deceased.
You should only commemorate with vodka; other drinks cannot be placed on the table.

Orthodox Christians must remember that all this is made up and has absolutely no meaning for the soul of the deceased. A funeral dinner is not as necessary for the deceased as for living loved ones who attended the service, visited the cemetery and need reinforcement.

What to cook for the table:

You need to start your meal with kutya - rice with raisins and honey.
It is customary to put pancakes, honey, and jelly on the table.
Many believers always serve cabbage soup or noodles.
The rest of the dishes are at the discretion of the loved ones of the person who has passed on to another world.

On the anniversary of death, a prayer that all loved ones can say is important for the deceased:

“God, merciful Lord, remembering the anniversary of the death of Thy servant N (Thy servant N), we ask You to honor him (her) with a place in Thy Kingdom, grant blessed peace and bring him into the radiance of Thy glory.
Lord, look mercifully on our prayers for the soul of Thy servant N (Thy servant N), whose anniversary of death we remember; We ask You to number him (her) among the host of Your saints, grant forgiveness of sins and eternal peace. Through Christ our Lord. Amen."

What do they hand out if there is food left over from the meal? Most often, pies are handed out. They give to those closest to them everything that they consider necessary to give. Those in need are also served pies, sweets, fruits, and are asked to remember the deceased by calling his name.

How to host a funeral meal

The relatives of the deceased try to provide a hearty meal and prepare a wide variety of dishes.

Traditionally, lunch begins with eating kutya - porridge made from wheat or rice grains with the addition of raisins and honey, a couple of spoons of which everyone present should eat. The rest of the dishes are prepared to the taste and discretion of the owners. Most often this is:

We are preparing a funeral menu. noodle soup or borscht,
pies with potato or cabbage filling,
meat dishes – casserole, sliced meat, rolls, cabbage rolls,
fish dishes,
cheeses.

This is a sample menu for non-fasting days. If the commemoration falls on days of fasting, meat dishes are replaced with mushrooms, beans, lentils in different culinary variations. As a dessert, you can offer charlotte or pancakes with jam/jam.

Before dinner begins, the eldest relative by age reads a prayer aloud and says words of memory about the deceased.

There are several strict rules for holding a memorial anniversary. So,

It is inadmissible to remember the deceased with strong drinks;
The following are strictly prohibited: showdowns, shouting, scandals, remembering the deceased with an unkind word;

It is quite appropriate to look at a family photo album or video, remembering pleasant moments and emotions associated with the life of the deceased.

What words should be said on the anniversary of a person’s passing?

If you did not express your condolences at the funeral, for example, you were unable to attend, then be sure to express words in support of the one who lost their loved one.

What do they say before a funeral? A year has passed since his death, the wound in his heart has not yet healed, so the memorial words should become moral support for the family.

At a funeral, the eulogy is a farewell to the deceased, and the focus of the year is on supporting family members. Relatives, the leader of the deceased, acquaintances, and friends can make a funeral speech on the anniversary.

Words of memory must come from the heart. The one who gives a funeral speech is obliged to talk about the merits of a person during his life, about how he is missed, because he always came to the rescue in difficult times. There is something to say about every person.

After the death of one of the parents, children always make a mournful speech, reminding them how dear their mother or father is to them. At a wake, everyone can express the pain of losing a deceased person. In the temple, the words of sorrow are spoken by the priest.

If a father has passed into another world, then on the father’s birthday one can say: “Father, you have always been an example of wisdom, honor and courage. I will carry these qualities throughout my life and pass them on to my children!”

Sorrowful words after the death of a mother may sound like this: “Dearest mother, you left too early. Right now we need your support and help. You taught me a lot. I have forever taken for myself kindness, patience, respect for people, the ability to forgive for their little weaknesses!”

The most difficult thing is to give a funeral speech on the anniversary of the death of a daughter or son. Perhaps someone close to you will read mourning poems dedicated to your daughter or son. The most difficult thing for parents is losing their children, so such help will be appreciated by grief-stricken parents.

Several years have passed: after 3 years or 5 years

Kutya is illuminated only in the first year.
After several years after the death of a loved one, commemoration in the temple and a visit (if possible) to the cemetery, where one can also serve a lithium, remain traditional. A memorial meal on subsequent anniversaries is not considered obligatory, since such commemoration does not carry a special religious load. But if the family decides to celebrate this date with dinner, then only close friends and relatives of the deceased are usually invited to it.

The funeral can be arranged at the discretion of the owners - either at home or in a cafe/dining room.

Such a meal is not an ordinary feast, so there are special dishes at it, the main one of which is the same kutia as at any other funeral. On the 2nd, 3rd anniversary and so on, kutya in the church does not need to be consecrated. The funeral table traditionally includes pancakes, compote or berry jelly, satiation (eve); cold appetizers - salads, vinaigrette, cold cuts; fish or meat dishes; borsch; various pies; sweets - candies, gingerbreads, gingerbreads, pies.

Commemorations on subsequent anniversaries are already devoid of the poignancy of loss, and the meal at its core represents a meeting of well-known people gathered around the table to remember the deceased with kind words.

In order not to ruin this atmosphere, it is worth remembering some rules.

Reduce alcohol consumption to a minimum. Alcohol consumption should be kept to a minimum. It is no longer associated so much with the name of the deceased and the harm to his soul, but with a general meeting, but you still shouldn’t get carried away with drinking.
You can't laugh or tell jokes. And even if there are stories about funny incidents from the life of the person commemorated, then you also need to respond to them adequately.
Choral table singing is also inappropriate.

Be that as it may, when organizing memorial events for anniversaries, first of all you need to think not about how to feed the guests more deliciously and surprise them with an abundance of funeral dinner, but about what benefit it will bring to the soul of a deceased loved one. Many, not without reason, believe that the most necessary action is church prayer, and that large feasts can be dispensed with.

What does a memorial service for the deceased mean?

A memorial service is an all-night vigil or funeral service that helps the deceased pass painlessly from the world of the living to the afterlife.

This is a kind of request or intercession for the deceased before the Lord. A memorial service helps remove a large number of sins from the deceased.

During his lifetime, a person himself could pray for himself, ask for forgiveness of sins. Priests in church or relatives at home can ask for the dead. This is a real life preserver that alleviates the suffering of the deceased.

A memorial service for the repose can be ordered in any church, on any day and year, the main thing is that the deceased is baptized and Orthodox. Along with submitting a note of repose, you can bring food to the temple.

There are 2 types of services:

The first lasts 6-7 minutes. It can be read by everyone, not just the priest, both in church and at home.
A long funeral service lasts approximately 20 minutes, and most are held in a church or cemetery.

Send “For the Repose” notes more often, order memorial services. A funeral service can be ordered every year on the day of death of a person, as well as on his birthday. She passes in front of the eve, a special table with candles and a Crucifix.

How to order a prayer service? A prayer service can be ordered for any need, as well as a thanksgiving prayer service. It can be ordered on any day, except those when prayer services are not held. They will tell you about this in the church shop.

Sorokoust is ordered not only for the year, but on any other day. To order it, you need to go to the church shop. The commemoration will last 40 days, which is why it is called “Sorokoust”.

Let's sum it up

Today, more and more people prefer to order a service in a church and believe that this is enough. Despite the fact that clergy can also turn to the Almighty with a request for forgiveness of earthly sins, relatives should also pray for the deceased.

Appeals from priests, as mediators and executors of God’s will on earth, reach the Savior faster, but reading prayers at home is also mandatory. First of all, the soul of the deceased hears precisely the words of relatives, and not church ministers, so family and friends definitely need to pray.