What does it mean to be engaged: traditions and rules of engagement

Weddings

• How was it before?
• What is the difference between betrothal and engagement?
• Features of modern wedding ceremonies

Nowadays, we no longer think about the meaning of many wedding rituals. Meanwhile, engagement and betrothal are not only another opportunity to receive a ring as a gift, but also something more. We will tell you in the article what importance was attached to betrothal before, how it happens in modern society and what is the difference between betrothal and engagement.

So what is betrothal? This is a preliminary agreement for future marriage. At first glance, it may seem that this is the same as an engagement. However, it is not. To get engaged means to publicly announce your intention to get married in church . Engagement has nothing to do with religion.

How did the engagement stage go before?

Engagement is the putting on of rings for the bride and groom. In ancient times, wedding ceremonies were divided into several stages. Initially, civil betrothal appeared, which was carried out according to existing local traditions. The betrothal ceremony was performed solemnly, with the signing of a marriage contract.

The process was accompanied by the joining of hands of the newlyweds, the groom gave a ring. Since the 10th century, people have been engaged in church, accompanying this ceremony with appropriate prayers. However, for a long time this ceremony was carried out strictly separately from the wedding.

Since the 17th century, it has been believed that betrothal is the naming of young people as bride and groom. This ritual became a kind of test of the lovers’ fidelity, since they were no longer free, although they observed chastity before official marriage. Betrothal was separated from wedding by a certain time. This ceremony was attended only by close relatives, as well as the matchmaker and the matchmaker. From that day on, the newlyweds kept the rings and exchanged them only on the wedding day.

Nowadays, engagement and wedding take place on the same day, so it is imperative to choose the right rings for this event. Before the wedding, the newlyweds must register their relationship at the registry office and from there go to church for the wedding. In church, during the wedding, the newlyweds put on one more ring.

Why is engagement even necessary?

• The couple officially becomes the bride and groom;
• This is a good excuse for the groom to finally meet the bride's parents, if this has not happened before;
• This is a tribute to tradition, a beautiful ritual that brings new emotions to the measured life of a couple;
• During the engagement, the family gets together, which does not happen as often as we would like;
• The engagement party can also get together and resolve all issues related to the organization of the future celebration, and possibly discuss the marriage contract;
• In a way, it is a rehearsal for marriage

What is an engagement

All wedding events begin with the groom visiting the bride's home and having a gala dinner. After dinner, the groom voices the reason for his visit, even if everyone already knows for what purpose he visited the house. After a few phrases and a short story about himself, the groom kneels on one knee in front of the bride’s parents and solemnly asks for her hand in marriage. If both parties agree, then the young couple can safely announce their engagement.

Engagement signifies an agreement between young people about the desire to tie their fate. And the consent of the parents marks the beginning of pre-wedding preparations. The custom of vigorously celebrating an engagement came from the West in the same way as the tradition of getting down on one knee and proposing to the bride, giving her a ring.

The ancestors also had a celebration called matchmaking. After receiving the girl’s consent, from that moment on she was considered to be engaged. After this ceremony, the bride no longer worried about her future and calmly waited for the wedding.

Story

Since ancient times, in Rus' there was such a custom of “conspiracy”, when both parties discussed the upcoming wedding and resolved all sorts of issues related to the organization of the holiday. It was this day that was considered the engagement.

Previously, it was during the engagement that a proposal was made, which was primarily addressed not to the bride, but to her parents. If the parents, and then the girl, gave their consent, then the groom gave his beloved a ring, as a sign of love and the strength of his decision.

In Rus', it was customary to celebrate an engagement on a grand scale, guests were invited, and the bride’s family set a luxurious table. Although no special clothing was provided for this event, the guests and heroes of the occasion dressed in the best they had.

The first word was usually spoken by the father of the bride, who sat in the center of the table. After the parent's parting speech, guests could approach the couple and congratulate them.

At that time, from engagement to wedding should have passed from three months to six months; it was believed that this time was enough to test the feelings of the newlyweds and resolve all issues related to preparing the wedding.

Over time, the meaning of the engagement began to be forgotten and it was no longer given the same importance as before.

What is the difference between engagement and betrothal?

Many people are interested in the difference between engagement and betrothal, and how exactly these rituals take place. Betrothal plays a very important role in Orthodoxy, so some couples still consider it correct to remove the rings from their left hand and put them on their right. Many people confuse engagement and betrothal rituals. During the official engagement, the parents of the newlyweds, who have already met previously, must discuss financial issues.

Today, engagement can be held in a youth format, both at home and in a cafe or restaurant. During this ceremony, no official documents are signed. Usually the engagement is organized on the day the documents are submitted to the registry office, but it can be held at any other time.

Betrothal is a religious ceremony that must take place in a church in the presence of a priest. During the ceremony, a paper is signed regarding the couple’s new status, since certain obligations are imposed on them. This document has no official force.

How an engagement is done: tradition

The roots of this ritual go back to Ancient Egypt. This is where the belief came from that wedding rings should be worn on the ring finger, through which there passes an artery leading directly to the heart.

Among the ancient Romans, before the wedding, the future husband was obliged to present the bride's parents with a metal ring as a gift. It is a symbol of the promise to support his wife and children.

Since about the 15th century, according to tradition, the groom must give the bride a ring, always made of gold and preferably with a diamond. This stone was endowed with magical properties. He had to protect the young family and their feelings. Essentially, an engagement is a ceremony to unite a couple. The newlyweds make a promise to each other to get married. If we really follow traditions, then the future husband must ask the hand of his chosen one from her parents. Usually the wedding takes place about six months after the decision to get married, but sometimes more time passes. It all depends on what kind of wedding is planned and how long the preparation will take.

Despite the officiality of this event, there are no guarantees that there will be a wedding. The engagement can be broken at any time at the request of either party.

In Western countries this custom has been preserved to this day. Moreover, usually a young couple decides to get married themselves, and only then announces it. In the most traditional families, where they know how to conduct an engagement correctly, the groom asks the parents of his beloved for her hand in marriage. They agree on everything, and then arrange a magnificent banquet, invite all friends and relatives, without naming the reason for the celebration, and arrange a surprise, announcing the decision made.

What is church betrothal

Betrothal is a church ceremony that takes place in the presence of a priest, relatives and friends of the couple. During the engagement, the couple exchanges rings in the presence of responsible witnesses and officially declares their desire to become husband and wife.

This ritual does not obligate anyone at all; it is only a certain public demonstration of relationships. However, true believers attach great importance to church betrothal. Even if there was no formal betrothal, it can be present at the wedding, but in a much more abbreviated form. At the entrance to the church, the clergyman betroths the bride and groom.

How does the church view second marriage?

A second marriage in the eyes of the church is an extremely undesirable phenomenon and is permissible only in extremely rare cases out of leniency towards human weaknesses. For quite a long time, the second marriage did not receive a church blessing at all. And Saint Nikephoros, Patriarch of Constantinople, generally imposed a 2-year penance on those parishioners who entered into a second marriage.

However, strict discipline in this matter lost all meaning already in the 11th century, and the church began to bless not only second, but even third marriages and released the so-called “Sequence on second marriages” with a brief description of crowns more similar to an ordinary wedding.

Currently, the wedding of those entering into a second marriage differs from the traditional wedding only by two prayers of repentance. The betrothal is completed, there are no questions about whether the marriage is voluntary or not, and crowns are laid.

A wedding according to the rank of a second marriage occurs only if both the bride and groom marry for the second time. If at least one of them marries for the first time, the wedding takes place according to the usual rite.

Features of secular engagement

Many people are interested in how betrothal takes place and what exactly characterizes this ceremony. If people are not religious, then you can carry out the engagement the way you want, organize an additional holiday, during which the groom will give you a ring.

If a guy gives a girl a ring and proposes, then from that moment on the couple can consider themselves engaged. If there was no engagement, then you can symbolically exchange rings after the future newlyweds submit an application to the registry office.

How to get engaged: organizational aspects

When organizing this important event for lovers, you need to remember the following points.

• As mentioned above, be sure to notify your parents. This is not a mandatory item, but it is worth considering carefully. No one knows your parents better than you. If you are sure that they will approve of your choice and the surprise will be pleasant for them, you can take a risk and surprise your relatives.
• Don't invite guests you don't plan to see at the wedding. This is bad manners, guests may be offended.
• Don't forget about gratitude. You can thank your guests in a Western-style way by sending them thank-you cards, or you can simply raise a glass to everyone who came and say “thank you.”
• It would be nice to capture this moment. You don't have to hire a photographer; you can take the pictures yourself. Or even film it.
• You shouldn’t look up to how certain people celebrate their engagement. You have the right to do everything your own way.
• There is no need to adapt to any specific moment: the groom’s official proposal, filing an application with the registry office, etc. Engagement is voluntary. Check in when it's convenient for you.
• Warn guests about what kind of treat there will be. If you are only planning a tea party, then people will have a snack at home and will come to you for dessert.

The meaning of a wedding ring

The ring owes its appearance to the ancient Egyptian civilization of that period when art began to actively develop. Immediately after their first appearance, rings became a definite symbol of special status. They were worn by people who had power. Gradually, the decoration became a symbol of betrothal, and it was given by the groom to the bride at the time of marriage. Initially, the rings were made of metal, and then gradually the quality of the material changed. The Romans put the jewelry on the ring finger of their left hand, as they believed that a vein ran from this finger straight to the heart.

Christians also borrowed this ancient symbolism from the Romans. In the 4th century, Christians began to use this attribute as a symbol of marriage. The wedding ring must be worn on the ring finger of the right or left hand. And on the day of the official wedding, the decoration is removed before meeting the groom, in order to then put it on over the wedding one.

Naming the newlyweds bride and groom

Betrothal is actually the naming of the newlyweds as bride and groom. Betrothal is, in essence, a test of the fidelity of lovers who sacrificed their freedom, although they continued to maintain purity and abstinence.

In ancient times in Rus', it was customary to separate betrothal from wedding by a certain period of time. Thus, Peter I, by his decree of 1714, ordered that after an engagement (conspiracy) they see each other young before the wedding, and get engaged exactly six weeks before it.

In confirmation of these words, even in Saltykov-Shchedrin’s “Poshekhon antiquity”, we read “the newlyweds were engaged, and after a month and a half they were married.”

What are the nuances of wedding ceremonies?

By looking at the engagement photo, you can see exactly what this ceremony looks like. When carrying out it is necessary to take into account certain nuances. The marriage takes place in the registry office before the wedding, since many clergy refuse to perform the sacrament if the newlyweds do not provide official paper.

In addition, the wedding can be held within a certain period of time after the marriage is registered. Some couples get married already at a silver or gold wedding. The Church welcomes when people approach this process responsibly, even if it is several years after entering into an official marriage.

Modern scenarios

Nowadays, engagement scenarios have changed somewhat. The modern ritual can be divided into three stages. If previously it was important to obtain parental consent for a future marriage, now such a decision is made solely by the bride herself. Therefore, the main task of this holiday is to convince the girl to say the cherished “Yes!” This is the first part of the engagement.

An offer of marriage

There are a large number of ways to achieve this result. The main thing is to create a wonderful atmosphere. At the same time, it is important to take into account the interests and tastes of the bride, as well as to show originality. Here are some interesting suggestions.

1. Recently, it has become very popular to organize various flash mobs, during which, at the moment of climax, a young man offers his beloved the treasured ring.
You can order this holiday from a special company offering services of this kind. Most often, such events are organized by the groom himself, involving mutual friends in this process.

2. If the bride is a fan of pranks and fun, then you can propose at the circus. It is important in advance, with the permission of the administration, to agree with the clowns so that they invite her to the arena.

3. It is quite possible to present an engagement ring during a concert of a girl’s favorite pop singer. Many of them willingly meet lovers halfway and are ready to play along with them.

4. A very interesting scenario involves involving the bride in organizing an engagement party for her friend, which later turns out to be a holiday for her.
5. Often the engagement party is held as a theme evening. You can take a well-known or “movie” love story as a basis and reproduce it for your chosen one.

6. You can create a romantic mood by going for a walk along the river, meeting on a roof under the starry sky, or simply rising above the city on a Ferris wheel.

7. A wonderful background for a marriage proposal can be the realization of any, even the smallest, cherished dream of the bride.
If she dreams of going to the seaside or visiting the Hermitage, or buying a kitten, the groom should make this desire come true.

You can't think of a better opportunity to show your beloved that he can make her happy. But this is exactly what all girls expect from marriage.

8. If you want to give the engagement formality and pretentiousness, you can travel abroad for this event. For such purposes, it is better to choose countries where the traditions of holding engagement are very strong. First of all, these are England, Italy and France. Sometimes such a trip is given an exotic character and Japan, Egypt or Brazil are chosen for this.