Should you visit the cemetery on the second day after the funeral: rules and traditions

Basic rules for organizing and conducting a funeral ritual

Christians are responsible for the burial of the dead. Some of the main rituals are prayers for the souls of the deceased, wakes and memorial services. The main rules for funerals include:

• Washing the body of the deceased before burial.
• Dressing in clean and new clothes.
• Laying the deceased in the coffin.
• Lighting church candles and reading prayers near the body of the deceased.
• Conducting the funeral ritual by a priest.
• Burial or cremation.
• Funeral lunch after the burial process.

At the moment when grief occurs in the family, many relatives are not able to understand what needs to be done first and what actions to perform in order to send off the newly deceased with dignity. And in this case, it is better to contact the Eden funeral home, where experienced employees work who are called upon to provide maximum assistance in choosing funeral goods and carrying out the entire burial procedure. Why you need funeral services, you can find out here.

Landmark: spruce branches

On the road to the cemetery, fir branches are scattered ahead of the procession. On the one hand, they show the deceased the path to the grave, on the other hand, they absorb the negative energy released by the deceased. Perhaps, if the rule is violated, all participants will face an inevitable fatal illness.

Explanation of what is happening

Some scatter fir branches, while others scatter carnations or tulips.
But flowers do not serve to absorb negative energy, being a symbol of respect, but this does not mean that everyone will immediately get sick and die in agony. Tradition does not contradict the canons of the church, if people think so, let them strew the road with fir branches, paying their last tribute to the deceased.

What awaits a person after death: the views of 4 religions

Visiting the cemetery after the funeral

The day after the funeral, the closest and dearest relatives of the deceased go to the cemetery. According to Christian beliefs, the soul is still attached to the burial place, and relatives go to the grave to awaken a loved one and reconcile the soul of the deceased. You must go to the cemetery in the morning in order to return home by 12 o'clock. Bring a light, no-frills breakfast:

• Sandwiches.
• Vegetables.
• Candies and cookies.
• Slicing.
• Boiled eggs.

At the cemetery, you can clean up the grave a little, adjust the wreaths, light candles or lamps, and lay out food. Sweets and cookies should be given to the poor for remembrance of the soul. You can pour water into a glass and place it on the grave. The main point of visiting a cemetery after a funeral the next day is to help the soul of the deceased get used to new realities and ask for protection and God's mercy for it.

The food left after the morning breakfast should be distributed to the poor or strangers. Baked goods can be given to the church or to those who ask for alms. Leftover food should not be left at the grave, and it is not recommended to take it back home; it is better to give it to homeless animals.

Funeral anniversary and private remembrance

On the anniversary of death, a note of repose is submitted to the temple. It is not enough to simply include a name on a note; you must also participate in the service.

A year after the funeral, a monument can be erected, which should contain an engraved or relief image of an Orthodox eight-pointed cross; the monument itself can also have this shape.

Every year, the day of death is commemorated in church with prayer, and the birthday and day of the deceased angel are added to these dates.

General remembrance (memorial days)

Parental Saturdays, which include Ecumenical Meat Saturday, Saturdays of the 2nd, 3rd and 4th weeks of Lent, Trinity Ecumenical Saturday and Demetrius Saturday, are common days of remembrance of the dead and are officially designated by the Orthodox Church.

In Belarus, Radunitsa, which is celebrated on the 9th day after Easter, is also considered a day of remembrance, on this day cemeteries are visited and prayers are held.

The meaning of a morning visit to the grave

All customs associated with burial should be observed, as they have a deep meaning. Many people are interested in what to do the day after a funeral, and why go to the grave early in the morning? The thing is that the soul of the deceased is still attached to the body, and at first it is difficult for her to get used to the new reality; she grieves because she has lost contact with her family and dear people.

Heavy and sad emotions fill both relatives, and visiting the grave on the second day after the funeral helps to calm down and feel closer to the deceased. Such simple actions bring considerable relief. Relatives calm down, remember the departed, read prayers, light candles.

How to do it right

The decision that cleaning of apartments after death will be done immediately or after 40 days rests only with the relatives of the deceased. It would be more correct to say that there are no boundaries here, everything needs to be done intuitively. However, it is worth remembering some points that should not be neglected:

• Cleaning the room should be done with gloves and a mask, especially if the deceased suffers from infectious diseases;
• If the corpse has lain in the house for more than 3 days, then it is better to entrust the cleaning to special services. They will carry out a complete disinfection.

This may all sound a little skeptical, but death is not only a tragic moment. It involves the processes of decay and the release of cadaveric poisons, which are dangerous to health.

• Treating the situation sensibly, you should ventilate the room immediately after the doctors leave and confirm the fact of death. Fresh air will at least relieve the shock a little.
• It would be a good idea to wash the floor, but not because of rituals. It will be dirty. Doctors, neighbors who came to express condolences, and relatives who came to help are unlikely to take off their shoes.
• It’s good if there are helpers who can free the closest relatives of the grief-stricken from the routine associated with cleaning.

Further stages of cleaning, including sorting out the deceased’s belongings, can be postponed until a more convenient period. When the fuss calms down a bit, it will be easier to put the house in order.

You can follow the rituals or ignore them. The main thing is to gain strength and patience. It will take a long time before the huge wound on the heart stops bleeding in memory of the departed person and turns into a scar that will remind of itself with aching melancholy.

Funeral breakfast at home

If you couldn’t go to the cemetery in the morning due to poor health or bad weather, the wake after the funeral can be held at home. The Church is not categorical on this issue, and allows you to visit the grave on any other day. A funeral dinner is served in the house of the deceased, and a church candle is lit in front of his portrait.

Relatives and everyone who wants to remember the deceased with a kind word gather at the table. The funeral meal should be modest, since its meaning is precisely in commemoration, and not in gluttony. When performing this ritual, the soul of the deceased understands that it is not forgotten, and close relatives, with the support of their relatives, can more easily endure grief.

Carrying out the coffin

When removing the house and placing it in the cemetery in front of the grave, relatives try to step aside, placing the final resting place of the deceased on the shoulders of strangers. It is believed that the deceased will draw his own blood into the grave, and all relatives will soon die after carrying the coffin.

The hand of each participant in the funeral procession is tied with a nosepiece or a towel, which after burial is recommended to be thrown away or set on fire.

Important: if the coffin is carried by relatives, then distant or non-blood relatives.

John Chrysostom and his interpretation of the issue

Anyone can carry a domovina, even a person who is not related to the deceased.
However, Saint John Chrysostom said one and a half thousand years ago that the coffin should be carried by relatives who want to show respect to the deceased for the last time. If the rule is not followed, it will be considered that the relatives despise the deceased and are trying to get rid of him with the wrong hands. Denial can also be equated to non-compliance with the principles of Christian morality, which is also considered a sin. Nozzles or towels after washing can be used for household purposes, of course, not for washing.

What not to do immediately after the funeral

In Orthodoxy, there are certain rules that must be followed after a funeral. It is worth noting that while the soul of the deceased is in the house, you should not disturb the calm atmosphere and take any drastic measures to repair, change the decor, or rearrange the furniture. It is also not recommended to distribute the clothes of the deceased, give away his favorite things and change their location. Until forty days, everything should remain in its place, since maintaining the familiar environment has a beneficial effect on the state of the relatives and the soul of the deceased.

Pregnant women and children - not allowed?

Pregnant women and small children under one year of age are prohibited from participating in the funeral procession. Unborn children and toddlers do not have effective protection from evil spirits.

In order not to bring the latter with them into the house, before leaving the cemetery gates, participants must turn to face the graves and carefully wipe their feet on the ground.

Church wording

Perhaps it is not advisable for pregnant women and small children to attend a funeral simply because it is not a festive procession, and the tears and emotions of those around them are not joyful lamentations.

But how can a child not at least escort his beloved grandfather through the gates of the yard, and his pregnant daughter – her father? You can, of course, not do this if the deceased was a distant relative or just an old acquaintance.

Days and holidays when it is customary to come to the grave

Arriving at the grave, it is customary to pray in your own words for the deceased or to perform a litiya - a short rite of requiem. You can read Psalm 91 and the Lord's Prayer. It is important not only to correct and renew the monument and fence, plant flowers and small trees, but also to remember a loved one with kind words. By these actions, the living seem to be caring for the soul of the deceased and reminding themselves of their own connection with eternity.

Memorial Days:

• birthday of the deceased;
• day of death;
• Day Angel.

Stage 5. Talk about the deceased and your experiences

Psychologists say that one should not push one’s experiences deep into the depths. If you need to talk about what happened, find the right interlocutor. He just needs to listen and understand you. You may need to say something negative about the deceased. In this case, adhere to the rule: “It’s either good about the departed, or nothing BUT THE TRUTH.” State the facts, state your emotions, but stick to the truth. If it is difficult to find a listener among your loved ones, then call the helpline. Sometimes it is easier to express a painful problem to a stranger than to someone you know well.

Advice: Find someone to whom you can talk about your worries.

Funeral services from

offers professional burial services in compliance with the rules of religious rites. Our employees are well aware of funeral traditions, what can and cannot be done at a funeral, so the burial of your loved one will be carried out in strict accordance with accepted customs.

When you contact our company, you can be sure of a decent funeral for the deceased. We provide customers with comprehensive services with a wide range of services:

• assistance in paperwork;
• careful selection of ritual accessories;
• organization of an Orthodox funeral service or other ceremonies according to the religion of the deceased;
• full control over all stages of the funeral ceremony;
• performing cremation, embalming (if necessary);
• sending “cargo-200”;
• sale and installation of monuments, gravestones, fences.

To order a funeral ceremony that will comply with religious traditions, contact the Honest Agent managers by phone or online. We will take care of all the hassle of burial and accompany your relative on his final journey at a high quality level.

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Receive compensation for a funeral or burial benefit

For every citizen of our country, a state funeral benefit is allocated. This amount is 6124.86, not including additional local payments, the amount of which may vary depending on the region. For example, in Moscow such benefits are paid in the amount of 17,740 rubles 86 kopecks. This figure includes a fixed benefit and the Moscow supplement (11,616 rubles).

There is also a circle of people who are entitled to federal or local benefits, various allowances and compensation, for example, for perpetuating memory. These include:

• veterans of the Second World War and other military operations;
• persons nominated for state awards;
• employees of government ministries and departments (Ministry of Internal Affairs, State Defense, Ministry of Emergency Situations, FSB, State Customs Committee, etc.)
• disabled people.

If relatives want to receive benefits or compensation, you need to remember several important rules:

• the benefit is paid to the person responsible for conducting the funeral;
• compensation can only be claimed if the relatives conducted the funeral at their own expense;
• the period allotted for receiving payments is 6 months from the date of death;
• You can receive payments from territorial pension authorities, as well as from military registration and enlistment offices (depending on the affiliation of the deceased).

Dressing in clothes

New and clean clothes are used to dress the deceased. Many older people independently prepare the things they want to be buried in. The last will of the deceased must be respected, therefore the deceased is dressed in exactly the clothes that he prepared. It is important that they fit in size. Men are buried with their heads uncovered. A woman should wear a scarf that completely hides her hair. Its ends are not tied, but folded crosswise. A mandatory attribute is a pectoral cross. If it was not present at death, the cross must be put on when putting on clothes.

What else is important not to forget?

The canons of the Orthodox Church differ significantly from the fictional conditions of behavior of relatives after the death of a person in the house.

Christian principles allow family members of the deceased and close relatives to follow the following rules:

1. Conducting prayers for the soul of the deceased, memorial services and liturgies, reading the Psalter, Bible, and other books of Orthodoxy.
2. Light cleaning of the room where the coffin was located is not prohibited until the forties. The Church is also familiar with the word - unsanitary conditions.
3. Swimming, shaving, and women are allowed to wear light makeup. If a man does not want to shave, and a woman does not want to wear makeup, showing her mourning, this is their personal right, but not an obligation.
4. At funerals, you can use not only spoons, but also forks - religion does not prohibit this.
5. It is allowed to commemorate with alcoholic drinks of any color, but it is advisable not to use them at all at the commemoration.
6. You can clean the apartment and do laundry immediately after a person is buried. By the way, this is even necessary.
7. Watching TV, reading newspapers, and holding pre-planned events are allowed. Of course, this does not mean that the family will watch the song of the year, solve crossword puzzles, attend circus performances, and the wedding, which cannot be rescheduled, will follow the words of Muslim Magomayev’s song.
8. However, it is not recommended to place a pancake on the face of the deceased, which is then eaten, as if this eliminates all the sins of the deceased.

If the relatives of the deceased do not know what to do after the death of a person in the house, it is recommended to seek help from an Orthodox priest.

History of the funeral ritual

Funerals are among the oldest rituals performed since the advent of mankind. Each culture adheres to its own burial customs, which have developed over many centuries. Some bury the body in the ground, others burn it in fire, and still others lower the deceased into water. As for Russian people, they prefer earthly burial, which in most cases is carried out taking into account Orthodox traditions.

Over the course of human history, burial rules have undergone significant evolution. According to research, Neanderthals buried people in shallow graves, placing animal bones and stone tools in them. From the Mesolithic era, people created burial grounds or necropolises, which were made in the form of ordinary pits, mounds, crypts or large funeral buildings. Sometimes during archaeological excavations, scientists encountered the remains of those who were forcibly killed, that is, when the deceased was buried along with living people (wives, slaves, etc.).

In Orthodoxy, funerals are considered an important rite. The Church sees life on earth as a preparation for eternal existence, therefore death is seen as falling asleep and moving to another world (hence the “dead”, that is, people at rest). In connection with the church dogma of the resurrection after the second coming, the Orthodox carefully prepare the body for placement in the coffin and strive to arrange a dignified burial.

Funeral service

The funeral ceremony is usually held in a church, but sometimes it is performed at home, in a morgue or in a cemetery. In recent years, an absentee funeral service has become widespread in Orthodoxy, which is usually ordered when there are no remains - for example, if the body was burned in a fire or was not found after drowning. Previously, the church was ambivalent about this, but now funeral services in absentia are allowed.

Funeral services can only be ordered for baptized people. According to church regulations, it is unacceptable to perform funeral services for those who have not been baptized, those who have renounced the faith, or those who committed suicide. In the latter case there may be some exceptions. For example, if the suicide suffered from a mental illness.

Stage 7. Review and distribute personal belongings of the deceased

Attraction to the things of the deceased means excessive attachment to him. It’s quite understandable if you want to keep something as a keepsake – your mother’s cookbook, your grandfather’s orders, a chest of coins from your brother. But the moment should not reach the point of absurdity, when it is difficult for you to part with even such useless things as an old suit or a broken camera.

After the first sorting through your things, half should be disposed of, another third should be given to those in need, and only about 10-15% should remain with you. And let these be the most valuable things, and not just clothes that “keep the smell” or “handwritten” notes. Remember that we keep the most valuable things about our loved ones in our memory and heart.

Advice: Keep only the most valuable and significant things about the deceased.

Stop payments on the deceased's loans

According to the law, during the time allotted for relatives to enter into an inheritance (6 months), credit organizations cannot charge payments and interest on the deceased’s loan. To stop this process, relatives need to notify the bank about what happened as soon as possible. Typically, in this case, a statement is drawn up and a copy of the death certificate is attached to it. It often turns out that the deceased's loan was insured - then relatives can collect the insurance payments.

Third day after death:

After the last shovel of earth has been thrown, wreaths, flowers and photos of the deceased are placed on the grave. A wooden cross is placed on the grave, then it can be replaced with a monument or slab.

You can remember the deceased directly at the grave. The workers who helped bury the grave should also be treated to ritual dishes. Meals and treats are a form of alms that we donate to other people. And the function of this tradition is only to make the person who treats someone feel peace and remember the deceased with a kind word. For this reason, a meal without prayer and to maintain form will not bring benefit to the person who has left this world.