The death of a loved one is the most tragic event in a person’s life, and many relatives begin to do thoughtless things that not only will not help the deceased, but will also interfere. At such moments, many people come to God or to church and ask the priests questions to which they themselves cannot find an answer. Actually, that’s why priests are needed, to help figure out the most important things.
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Very often people are concerned about the question: do they go to the cemetery on the birthday of the deceased? Relatives want everything to be correct, so that all laws and traditions are observed and it is easier for their loved one to enter a new life unknown to us.
How to behave at a funeral for relatives
All stages of organizing a funeral fall on loved ones. When the date of the funeral has already been determined, relatives invite guests to the funeral ceremony. This can be done in person or through a postcard.
How should relatives behave at a funeral? You should pay attention to clothing. It is advisable to stick to dark colors both in your outfit and in your shoes. For women, a scarf or hat becomes a mandatory attribute. Don't be afraid to deviate from the burial script. When ordering services from a funeral service, you will receive competent advice on how to behave at a funeral in a cemetery, where to stand and where to go.
For example, during a funeral ceremony, friends and acquaintances of the deceased should stand to the right of the coffin, and relatives to the left. Relatives also begin presenting wreaths and flowers, only after them can colleagues and friends do this.
During the burial, it is not recommended to talk in a raised voice, laugh, or discuss those present. It is better to keep paper napkins and clean water with you - they will come in handy if someone around you becomes ill.
Frontline 100 grams
This tradition dates back to the Great Patriotic War. The front-line soldiers began by drinking a glass at the grave of a comrade in arms, and pouring a few drops into the grave. How correct this is is not for me to judge. People who fought for the sake of future generations believe that this is what needs to be done. So it will be like this.
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How to behave at a funeral for guests
If you are a guest at a funeral, the clergyman will tell you how to behave. The ceremony usually begins at the morgue or in the church where the funeral service is taking place. If you adhere to another religion, most likely the ritual and prayers will be unfamiliar to you. Don't worry about this. Without drawing attention to yourself, you can simply stand next to others. The church will tell you what to do if you are invited to a funeral, where to buy candles and other ritual supplies.
If you want to help the relatives of the deceased, speak about it directly. Explain in what issue you are ready to provide support. So, this could be assistance with delivering guests to the place of farewell to the deceased, setting the table or transporting the coffin.
Important condition! Don't give false hopes and don't promise what you can't deliver.
If you are wondering what to do on the day of the funeral, you don’t have to worry about having to sit through the service from start to finish. Many guests do not attend the wake and say goodbye to the relatives of the deceased immediately after the burial. The main thing is not to distract other guests by leaving, but to warn the organizer about it.
You should only come to the wake if you have been invited. Prepare a speech about the deceased - usually everyone present is given the floor at the funeral table. However, refrain from making unflattering statements. If you only have bad memories with the deceased, it is better to remain silent.
Beginning of a tradition
Most of my peers believe that the food and drink tradition associated with the cemetery came from the USSR. In fact, the roots are much deeper. The beginning was made in the pagan world, when the dead were honored, abundantly commemorated near the temples. In honor of the dead, military games were organized, often ending in death; the living ate food and drank alcoholic beverages without leaving the burial places. This tradition was called a funeral feast. The richer the commemoration, the easier it was for the deceased in the next world - our ancestors adhered to this opinion.
How to behave in a cemetery?
If you are invited to a person's funeral, the traditional farewell ceremony will tell you what to do. At the cemetery, those invited take turns approaching the coffin, laying flowers and kissing the deceased on the forehead. The coffin is lowered into the dug grave and everyone present throws a handful of earth into it. Wreaths and lighted candles are placed on the grave mound. The deceased is seen off in silence.
When the dead are buried, those present wear mourning clothes. Bright colors and prints are not welcome. It is advisable to stick to discreet outfits. Buy flowers from a shop near the cemetery and ask the organizer where to put them.
During funerals, people speak in a half-whisper; jokes about death and vulgar remarks are excluded. Be natural. No one expects every guest to be a role model. You have come to say goodbye to a person close to you and are not required to know all the canons and customs, which only priests are familiar with in detail.
How to remember the deceased in a Christian way?
Radonitsa is approaching - the day of remembrance of the dead. Our compatriots will probably go to the cemetery, taking food and drink with them. However, it is better to do things a little differently.
Before you go to clean the graves, it is advisable to visit the church. Almost every churchyard has a chapel or church where you can submit notes, light candles and ask the priest to serve a litiya at the graves of loved ones. Submit notes of repose, pray for the dead, place a candle on the canon. If you wish, you can make a food donation; you don’t have to order food at a restaurant or buy half the store. A bag of flour or a bottle of sunflower oil is enough, but there is an opportunity to put more in the donation basket - take advantage of this.
Almsgiving is the most good deed that a person does. These days, almsgiving is practically not practiced, because too many professional beggars have divorced. Instead of giving money to the beggars standing near the temple, give food.
Is it worth having a meal at a grave? When a trip to the cemetery takes all day, you need to have a snack. Nowadays, such a long stay in a churchyard is rare. Most people come by car, quickly clean up, and that's it. If a visit to the cemetery takes 2-3 hours, it is better to eat at home.
Whether to remember a deceased person with wine is a difficult question. Some priests allow you to drink a little red wine, because the Savior himself said “drink wine, but do not get drunk.” However, the best commemoration is prayer for the departed. Prayer is much more beneficial for souls than the richest dishes and expensive wines.
How to behave at a wake after a funeral?
How to behave after a funeral if you are invited to a funeral dinner? Do what other guests do and follow the organizer's instructions. The relatives of the deceased will invite you to sit at the table with the traditional words “We ask you to share our grief.” Relatives take their places first, followed by friends, work colleagues and distant acquaintances.
There is an unspoken rule to prepare a little more servings than those invited. Sometimes, by mistake or ignorance, people who were not invited come to the wake. Alcohol at dinner is not encouraged, but is not prohibited. If you decide to place it on the table, make sure that its quantity does not exceed the norm - according to tradition, glasses are filled 3 times.
The owner of the house takes the first word at the table, followed by farewell speeches from the rest of those present. After everyone has said goodbye to the deceased, a minute of silence passes.
The table for a funeral dinner is covered with a plain tablecloth. The following dishes must be served:
- kutya;
- mashed potatoes;
- pancakes.
Why do the departed need physical food?
When taking food to the place of remembrance of the deceased, you must remember why they bring and leave food at the graves of the dead. They do not place food at the burial site so that the deceased will “eat” the dishes he loved during his lifetime. No. This is done in order to present food as alms to the poor after reading the prayer. Such people are closer to God, which means that their prayer will be heard earlier. Priests recommend giving food, not money, to poor people. They can use the money to buy alcohol. And they take the food and eat it with pleasure and joy.
Remember why food is left in the cemetery. This is done not to satisfy the physical needs of the deceased and so that his soul “eats,” but to make a donation in his honor. However, resorting to this method of alms is not recommended. Before placing and leaving the food you brought on the grave, remember the poor people who do not have food. It would be much more correct to give the food products into their hands. This way you will be sure that the person will eat, and, accordingly, the good deed has been completed.
Other questions about funerals
On what day is a person buried after death?
The Orthodox Church recommends burying people on the third day. Why are they buried 3 days after death? It is believed that it is at this time that the soul says goodbye to the body. In addition, the third day is considered a memorial day and it is convenient to combine it with burial. It is not forbidden to bury the dead after the third day. For example, such a delay may be caused by the need to perform an autopsy or transport the body from one city to another.
Is it necessary to mourn?
Black clothing is desirable, but not required. It can be replaced with any dark shades: gray, blue, brown. It is not recommended to wear sportswear, shorts, or miniskirts to a funeral.
What can you give to the relatives of the deceased?
Since people are usually buried at the expense of the family budget, any help will be well received. You can bring money, flowers, food for a funeral dinner. If you are afraid of offending the organizer with a gift, check in advance how they will react to your kind gesture
Is it possible to take children to the cemetery?
Yes, if they are old enough to endure a long ceremony without fuss.
On what days should you not remember the dead?
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You cannot remember the dead and go to cemeteries on major holidays. Church holiday services are dedicated to victory over sin, evil and death, so everything that might remind of death is removed from them. On holidays, believers should focus only on the event that is being celebrated and the church wants the joy of the holiday to be complete and unconditional.
If your birthday falls on an Orthodox holiday, you cannot celebrate it in any case. Particularly important and joyful holidays are Easter, Christmas, Christmas Eve, Trinity, Holy Week and others.
What can you wear to the place of remembrance of the dead?
If you are determined to take so-called taxes at the funeral, then you should know what food items are carried to the cemetery. In principle, almost any product is suitable for giving as alms. However, preference should be given to the following list:
- Kutia (or its analogues);
- Eggs (colored);
- Pancakes (with and without fillings);
- Cookies and candies;
- Baked products (pies, Easter cakes and other high-calorie foods).
You can also include other non-perishable products in your taxes. Remember that the poor will eat them, so pay attention to nutritious products.
When is the Ascension of the Lord celebrated in 2021?
It is known that the event called the Ascension of the Lord is celebrated on the 40th day after the celebration of Easter. The Holy Scriptures say that the Messiah, after his resurrection from the dead, remained on earth among his apostles for more than a month. When his term ended, he decided to gather disciples in a suburb of Jerusalem on the Mount of Olives. At that moment, the Messiah blessed the disciples and ascended into heaven in the flesh.
At the same time, the angels declared that the Messiah would appear again on earth after some time, he would appear in a visible form to judge the living and the dead. The angels said that God would not leave his people unattended even after he ascended to heaven. Despite the fact that the Messiah will not appear in the form of a man, he is still invisibly next to the disciples and watching over people.
The Ascension is a celebration that does not have a fixed date. The holiday in 2021 is celebrated on June 10. Catholics celebrated this celebration on May 13th. The full name of the event is the Ascension of the Lord God and our Savior Jesus Christ.
How the dead are remembered on the Ascension of the Lord
The main tradition of the holiday is the remembrance of the dead. To do this, Orthodox Christians unite and go to church to light a candle for the repose. You need to read the funeral prayer before starting a full session. It is known that during the celebration of the Ascension of the Lord there are no fasts or restrictions, which means that Orthodox Christians can eat any food. In addition to traditional dishes, housewives can bake a rectangular pie with onions. It can be decorated with crossbars, they will be a symbol of a ladder - this is the way of the Messiah to heaven.
In order for prayer to be effective, after a prayer session in church, you must eat a traditional treat - cookies in the shape of a ladder. When believers commemorate the dead, they turn to the Lord and ask him that everything will be fine in their family, and that those who have long been no longer in the world of the living should find peace and finally calm down. The clergy read out the names of the deceased, which are written on a piece of paper. These leaflets are passed on to each other by all Orthodox Christians who come to church.
