What is love for neighbor
It is known that Christ, in addition to the 10 Jewish commandments given to Moses at Sinai, created another one that united them all together - “Love one another.” Based on this rule, it is much easier to fulfill the remaining commandments.
After all, if you really love a person, then you will not envy him, slander him, steal from him, and especially not kill him. You will not cheat on a loved one if the power of love is strong.
The attitude of Christianity to love for your neighbor is written in one phrase: “love your neighbor as you love yourself, bless those who curse and offend you.”
That is, a truly spiritual person will forgive loved ones for any actions, although in the modern world it is very difficult to simply not do bad things in return, not to mention gifts and good deeds for those who do not wish you well.
Love in Christianity implies sacrifice, kindness and even the willingness to sacrifice one’s own life for the well-being and happiness of loved ones.
Why is sacrifice important?
When choosing your other half, you must definitely pay attention to the person’s desire to sacrifice himself. There are two types of sacrifice: self-directed and others-directed. In the first case, the person seems to be doing something for you, but nothing more than what is pleasant for him personally. This is called self-love. And sacrifice aimed at others and specifically at you is called love. Is a person ready to give up some part of his comfort, time, material resources, give up his usual activities, in order to be with you for an extra hour, to help you? What is more important to him - you or his habits? Observe this and draw conclusions. Remember the gospel thought: where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. That is, for the sake of treasure a person is ready to do anything. If you are a treasure for him, he will not skimp on anything. As in the parable of the pearl: a man sees a large, beautiful pearl, and he already has a whole collection of others, but he takes all his small ones and sells them to buy this one and only one. If so, then he is capable of sacrifice. This, of course, does not mean that you should download your license and arrange checks: you are so and so, are you willing to jump out of a window for me or at least change your job, because the one you have now takes a lot of time? That's not what this is about. Just keep your eyes open, remember the pearls and don’t delude yourself ahead of time.
Sayings of the Holy Fathers about the family
Church teaching tells us that the family is a small semblance of the church, the head of which is Christ. It is believed that the main person in the family is the man, and the woman simply looks after the house, gives birth and raises children, and does what her husband orders her.
This statement does not quite fit with modern realities, in which a domestic tyrant and alcoholic tries not only to teach his wife, but also to raise children. After all, the church makes quite strict demands on a husband - he must be a believer, keep himself strictly and - most importantly - treat his loved ones with love.
If love disappears, and the husband does not follow the Christian commandments, considering only himself to be the owner of the family and excluding God, he easily turns into a domestic tyrant, with whom it is not worth having anything to do with.
A wife, according to the church, should love her husband, appreciate his attitude towards the family and do everything to make the house cozy, warm and pleasant. When getting married, she must understand that she takes responsibility not only for herself before God, but also for her husband, the well-being of her children, and the atmosphere in which they will grow up. She must take care of family happiness and do everything to ensure that her children and husband are prosperous and happy people.
Take note: the statements of the holy fathers about love can be read in the books of Mark the Ascetic, Ephraim the Syrian and Simeon the Theologian.
Why do I need a family?
Of course, there are a lot of mistakes at the stages of building relationships. One of the common ones is due to the fact that starting a family is very often seen as an end in itself. People strive at any cost to get the attention of this or that person, to marry him, to have him with them in the form of that same eternal source of happiness. And the whole meaning of life begins to gradually come down to achieving this goal. But it shouldn't be like that. Firstly, you cannot create an idol for yourself out of your potential other half; happiness cannot be built on this. Secondly, this way you can become psychologically dependent on a person, and any dependence is a manifestation of fear.
Fear of loneliness, fear of something new, fear of losing the old, losing comfort... And where there is fear, there is no love. Thirdly, a relationship with a person may not work out, he will leave - and then what will you be left with? Your whole world will simply collapse, into the creation of which so much effort was invested.
Photo: Natalia Fedorova
In general, everything that we invent for ourselves, everything that we create, has one property - limitation. And the limited always has both a period of flourishing and a period of attenuation, decay, with all the ensuing consequences. No need to bet on it. The goal for a Christian should always be Christ. And our other half is not a source of happiness, but only a means of achieving it. A means to reach God. And this tool must be used correctly.
The family will have to turn a blind eye to many things. Family happiness is when you have selective hearing, selective vision, a short tongue and a constant smile on your face. And the right attitude towards difficulties. In family relationships there is generally no protection from misfortune other than faith in God. When you understand that your problems are not fatal, that they, like the person who is nearby, are only a means of reaching Christ, then you are not subject to wounds. Subject to trials, but not to wounds. And fear too.
Love from God between a man and a woman
By this type of love, the church understands a responsible attitude towards each other and a willingness to get married, raise children together and run a household. In the church, love is considered a very pragmatic and down-to-earth attitude, rather a single agreement than passionate love and sensuality, but life often refutes this truth.
According to the priests, if love is from God, then the couple will have a harmonious and good relationship, there will be no constant quarrels and mutual insults. A man will treat his partner with trepidation and respect, will understand responsibility for his actions, and a woman will have to think before agreeing to his proposal.
At the same time, the church calls for the rejection of intimate relationships before marriage and has a negative attitude towards any extramarital sexual relationships.
You can read in detail about love and falling in love, love addiction in the book of Archpriest Andrei Lorgus “Love, falling in love, addiction.”
A reasonable attitude towards divorce and difficult moments in marriage is revealed by priests Dmitry Bezhenar, archpriest Artemy Vladimirov and Dmitry Smirnov.
Whom to choose?
It is very important to understand who and how we choose as a potential second half. I won’t be original, I’ll say that it’s ideal for a man for a woman to somehow remind him of his mother. But not a “mommy” who can cry into her vest and who will wipe away her snot, but one who will be wise and caring, who will create an atmosphere in the house, fill life with love... At the same time, of course, cook deliciously, understand everything, be ready to compromise - but this is at home. And in her outer life she will be beautiful, witty, attracting the attention of other men... One that you will have to be jealous of and always achieve. And one that will always stimulate growth. Remember, it was our mothers who taught us how to hold a fork and spoon, made us do our homework, forced us to wash the dishes, and so on. Mothers set the bar for us in childhood, and we reached for it.
A woman should be caring. But it is important to remember that care must be sensitive. There is no need to overfeed with pies, both literally and figuratively. For example, if a man is busy with work and doesn’t call, don’t throw a tantrum, don’t pester him with questions: where are you, why don’t you write, maybe you don’t love me? Don't force a person under the hood. He should just feel happy next to you.
And women, in turn, are more likely to entrust their hearts to someone who is like their father: the strongest, the bravest, the one who is able to make decisions and bear responsibility for the family. The father in the family is also a person who can do amazing things: screw in light bulbs, hammer nails, swim breaststroke, and so on. Who knows everything in the world and who at the same time will love and spoil his children. Naturally, a woman is looking for something like this. Nobody needs a weakling man in the house. Although he, of course, risks becoming like this if a woman becomes his “mommy.”
So, in order to find such people, such a wife and such a husband, during courtship you need to indulge not only in emotions, but also use your head. Instead of chasing dreams, pay attention to reality: are you suitable for each other, can you not only talk for hours together, but also simply remain silent, does this make you feel good? If something doesn't add up, don't trust your heart...
What is spiritual love
This is love in which God is present. It is impossible to describe this feeling in words; it can only be felt by those who follow Christian commandments.
First of all, this is love without selfishness, the desire to get something of your own, including benefits, personal goals. Usually conflicts are revealed in those moments when you need to give in on something and sacrifice something.
A person who truly loves with spiritual love is ready to sacrifice his own well-being for the sake of a loved one, but he always recognizes when dishonest people are trying to take advantage of this and changes his behavior.
Falling in love is more selfish - usually in it a person loves what pleases him, but is rarely able to sacrifice his own well-being and peace for the sake of it.
Spiritual love not only takes, but also gives. At the same time, a person can love unrequitedly, but not suffer from this, knowing that he is not worthy of the person he loves. In earthly love, a person in a similar situation will seek an answer, be offended, or even take revenge for his grievances.
Why doesn't anything work out?
At the beginning of a relationship, we often make the mistake of dreaming about how wonderful life together will be. In these dreams, people can already decide everything for themselves, write a script, determine a role for the other half, make an offer to her and get consent... In other words, imagine themselves as one with a person who has not yet decided anything for themselves. As a result, all these dreams fail completely. After all, the other person also has freedom of choice, he is not obliged to play according to your scenario. Therefore, until everything is finally decided, do not entrust your heart to him or her, do not build dreams of a future together. He is not yours yet, you are not his, and you have not agreed on anything yet. Falling in love is a time to take a closer look at each other, a moment of choice, this is God’s opportunity to unite you or not to unite you together. This stage passes, and if suddenly your paths diverge, let them diverge painlessly, without emotional consequences.
For the same reason, the Church warns against physical intimacy before marriage. Physical intimacy is not a stage of testing a partner, but a moment of absolute trust in each other, the final stage of rapprochement. If you are not yet married, not united by God, then you do not belong to each other yet. Perhaps you will decide that you do not need to be together, and then it will be doubly difficult to part. Why make the situation worse?
And breaking up can really be very difficult, especially if this decision is not mutual. During courtship, people look closely, see something special in each other, but then disappointment may set in or simply understand that this is not your person. Then we need to separate. If this became clear to only one of the two, and the other wants to maintain the relationship, then he or she will have to treat this decision with understanding and let the person go.
Sometimes the cause of misunderstanding and breakdown of relationships is the excessive interference of one person in the life of another, an excess of control. When one actually crushes the other under him, he climbs into a space where he has not yet been invited. This approach, as far as I see, is equally characteristic of both women and men. In my opinion, this is a picture from a magazine about dogs and hamsters. Such a “caring” half actually does not need a living person nearby. We need a dog that will faithfully look into the eyes, obey any commands of the owner and not cause inconvenience or discomfort. But what is good for animals can be very harmful for people. A person who is forced to take on such a fire of interference is simply left no air, no freedom of choice. Naturally, he leaves.
Self-love in Orthodoxy
Orthodoxy does not talk about her. It is believed that initially a person is born with animal love for himself, but in practice this is not the case.
Manifestations of a lack of self-love such as harming one’s health, suicide, and despondency are always condemned by the church and treated negatively. Moreover, the church prohibits submitting notes for suicides - you can only pray for them at home.
The church also has a negative attitude towards such things as drunkenness, drug addiction and any other destructive forms of behavior, but the church places greater emphasis on love for one’s neighbor, because it is more difficult to follow in practice than in life.
Condemnation, lies, theft, slander, arrogance, murder, envy are considered serious sins, which are a lack of love for loved ones.
“He who has love is far from all sin” (hieromartyr Polycarp of Smyrna).
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“Love is the union of brotherhood, the foundation of the world, the strength and affirmation of unity, it is greater than faith and hope, it precedes charity and martyrdom, it will forever abide with us with God in the Kingdom of Heaven” (Hieromartyr Cyprian of Carthage).
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“What is characteristic of love for one's neighbor? Seek not your own benefits, but the mental and physical benefits of your loved one. He who loves his neighbor fulfills his love for God, because God transfers his mercy to Himself” (St. Basil the Great).
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“Love has two remarkable properties: to grieve and suffer when a loved one suffers harm, and also to rejoice and work for its benefit” (St. Basil the Great)
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“All the perfections that are contained in the concept of virtue grow from the root of love, so that he who has it does not lack in other virtues” (St. Gregory of Nyssa).
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“Love does not consist in empty words and not in simple greetings, but in the appearance and doing of deeds, for example, in relieving poverty, helping the sick, freeing from danger, patronizing those in difficulty, weeping with those who weep and rejoicing with those who rejoice” ( Saint John Chrysostom).
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“Carnal love is guilt, but spiritual love is praise; that one is the hateful passion of the soul, and this one is joy, joy and the best decoration of the soul; that one produces enmity in the minds of those who love, and this one destroys existing enmity and establishes great peace in those who love; from that there is no benefit, but still a great waste of money and some unreasonable expenses, a perversion of life, a complete disorder of houses, and from this there is a great wealth of righteous deeds, a great abundance of virtues” (St. John Chrysostom).
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“Do not talk to me about vulgar and base love, which is more a disease than love, but understand the love that Paul demands, which aims at the benefit of those loved ones, and you will see that such people are more tender in the love of the fathers themselves... He who feels for another love, will agree to endure thousands of disasters rather than see his loved one suffer harm” (St. John Chrysostom).
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“Love, which has Christ as its foundation, is firm, constant, invincible; Nothing can terminate it - neither slander, nor danger, nor death, nor anything else like that. He who loves in this way, even if he suffers a thousand defeats for his love, will not leave it. He who loves because he is loved, if trouble happens to him, will interrupt his love; and whoever is united by that love will never leave it” (St. John Chrysostom).
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“Love is the root, source and mother of all good things. Every good deed is the fruit of love” (St. John Chrysostom).
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“Love does not harm one’s neighbor; where love reigns, there is no Cain killing his brother” (St. John Chrysostom).
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“He who loves does not distinguish appearance; love does not look at ugliness, that’s why it is called love, because it often loves what is ugly” (St. John Chrysostom).
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“Love presents your neighbor to you as yourself and teaches you to rejoice in his welfare as your own and to feel his misfortunes as your own. Love unites many into one body and makes their souls dwelling places of the Holy Spirit, because the Spirit of the world can dwell not in those separated from each other, but in those united in soul. Love makes everyone’s blessings common to everyone” (St. John Chrysostom).
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“He who loves does not only desire to subjugate, but also to obey, and rejoices more in submitting than in ruling. A lover would rather do good than to receive good deeds, because he would rather have a friend as his debtor than to be in debt to him himself. A lover wants to do good to his beloved, but does not want his good deeds to be visible; he wants to be the first in good deeds, but does not want him to appear first in good deeds” (St. John Chrysostom).
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“The work of love is to teach each other the fear of God” (Reverend Ephraim the Syrian).
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“He who has love never disdains anyone, small and great, glorious and inglorious, poor and rich: on the contrary, he himself covers everything, endures everything (1 Cor. 13: 7). In whom there is love, he does not exalt himself before anyone, does not become arrogant, does not slander anyone, and turns away his ears from those who slander. In whom there is love, he does not flatter, does not kick his brother’s feet, does not compete, does not envy, does not rejoice at the fall of others, does not denigrate the fallen, but sympathizes with him and takes part in him, does not despise his neighbor in need, but stands up and is ready to die for him... In whom there is love, he never appropriates anything for himself... In whom there is love, he does not consider anyone a stranger to himself, but everyone is his own. In whom there is love, he is not irritated, is not proud, is not inflamed with anger, does not rejoice over untruth, does not fall into lies, and does not consider anyone his enemy except the devil. In whom there is love, he endures everything, is merciful, long-suffering (1 Cor. 13: 4-7)” (Rev. Ephraim the Syrian).
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“O immeasurable power of love! Neither in heaven nor on earth is there anything more precious than love. She, divine love, is the head of virtues; love is the cause of all good things, love is the salt of virtues, love is the end of the law... She brought down to us from heaven the Son of God. All good things have been revealed to us through love: death has been destroyed, hell has been captured, Adam has been called back; out of love, a single flock is made up of angels and humans; Paradise has been opened to love, the Kingdom of Heaven has been promised to us. She made the fishermen wise; she strengthened the martyrs; she converted deserts into hostels; she filled the mountains and dens with psalmody; she taught husbands and wives to walk the narrow and cramped path... O blessed love, giver of all blessings!” (Reverend Ephraim the Syrian).
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“Love does not seek what is useful to itself, but what is useful to many for their salvation” (Reverend Ephraim the Syrian).
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“Love actually has nothing but God, because God is love” (Reverend Neil of Sinai).
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“Love belongs exclusively to God and to those people who have restored in themselves the image and likeness of God” (Reverend John Cassian).
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“Love is evidenced by non-judgment of neighbors” (Reverend Isaiah).
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“No one has greater love than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. If someone hears an upsetting word and, instead of responding with a similar insult, overcomes himself and remains silent, or, being deceived, endures it and does not take revenge on the deceiver, then he will thereby lay down his life for his neighbor” (Abba Pimen).
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“Carnal love, not being bound by spiritual feeling, as soon as even an insignificant reason presents itself, it very easily evaporates. Spiritual love is not like that: but, although it happens to suffer some grief, in a God-loving soul, which is under the influence of God, the union of love is not stopped” (Blessed Diadochos of Photikie).
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“If you hate some people, are indifferent to others, and love others very much, then conclude from this how far you are from perfect love, which encourages you to love every person equally” (St. Maximus the Confessor).
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“Perfect love does not divide one human nature according to the disposition of people, but loves all people equally. He loves the good as friends, and the unkind as enemies (according to the commandment), doing good to them and patiently enduring everything they cause, not only not repaying them with evil for evil, but even, if necessary, suffering for them, in order, if possible, to make them his friends. So our Lord and God Jesus Christ, showing His love for us, suffered for all humanity and gave the same hope of resurrection for everyone. However, each person makes himself worthy of either glory or hellish torment” (Reverend Maximus the Confessor).
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“Love is a good disposition of the soul, according to which it prefers nothing that exists to the knowledge of God” (Reverend Maximus the Confessor).
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“Many have said a lot about love, but you will find it only among the disciples of Christ” (Reverend Maximus the Confessor).
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“Love, aroused by something, is like a small lamp fed by oil, which maintains its light, or like a stream flooded with rain, the flow of which stops when the rainwater that composes it becomes impoverished. But love, which has God as its culprit, is the same as a spring gushing out of the earth: its streams are never stopped (because God alone is the source of love), and what feeds this love does not become scarce” (Rev. Isaac the Syrian).
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“Do not exchange love for your neighbor for love for some thing, because by loving your neighbor, you acquire in yourself the One who is most precious in the world. Leave little to gain great; despise what is superfluous and worthless in order to acquire what is of great value” (Reverend Isaac the Syrian).
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“It is not sadness for love to accept a heavy death for those who love” (Reverend Isaac the Syrian).
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“There is nothing greater and more perfect among virtues than love for one’s neighbor. Its sign is not only not to have the thing that another needs, but also to endure death for him with joy, according to the commandment of the Lord, and consider it his duty. Yes, and rightly so, for we must not only by the right of nature love our neighbor to death, but also for the sake of the Most Pure Blood of Christ, who commanded it, shed for us” (Hieromartyr Peter of Damascus).
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“What does it mean to love someone? It means wishing him good and doing it whenever possible” (St. Demetrius of Rostov).
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“If someone came to me with questions: should I love someone? Should anything be done with love? - then I would not answer, but would hasten to retreat from the questioner: because such questions can only be proposed by one standing on the threshold of hell” (St. Philaret (Drozdov)).
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“Let us imagine love contained in a more or less close circle of kinship, acquaintance, reciprocity, and see what its dignity is. Do fathers and mothers need a feat to love their child? Does a baby need to learn to love his father and mother? If in this love everything is done by nature, without achievement and almost without the knowledge of man, then where is the dignity of virtue? This is simply a natural feeling, which we notice even in speechless people. Not loving parents or children is a deeply low vice, but love for parents and children is not yet a high virtue, except in special cases when it is elevated by the self-denial and self-sacrifice associated with it” (St. Philaret (Drozdov)).
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“I understand only that love that acts according to the sacred commands of the Gospel, in its light, which itself is light. I don’t understand any other love, I don’t recognize it, I don’t accept it. Love, extolled by the world, recognized by people as their property, sealed by the fall, is not worthy to be called love: it is a distortion of love. That is why it is so hostile to holy, true love... Love is light, blind love is not love” (St. Ignatius (Brianchaninov)).
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“The Gospel rejects love that depends on the movement of the blood, on the feelings of the carnal heart. The Fall subjected the heart to the dominion of blood and, through blood, to the dominion of the ruler of the world. The Gospel frees the heart from this captivity, from this violence, and brings it under the guidance of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit teaches us to love our neighbor holy. Love fueled by the Holy Spirit is fire. This fire extinguishes the fire of natural, carnal love, damaged by the Fall” (St. Ignatius (Brianchaninov)).
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“In what ulcers is our natural love! What a serious ulcer on her - addiction! A heart possessed of partiality is capable of all injustice, all lawlessness, just to satisfy its painful love” (St. Ignatius (Brianchaninov)).
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“Natural love delivers to its beloved only earthly things; it does not think about heavenly things. She is at enmity against heaven and the Holy Spirit, because the Spirit demands the crucifixion of the flesh. It is at enmity with heaven and the Holy Spirit, because it is under the control of the evil spirit, the unclean and lost spirit... He who has felt spiritual love will look with disgust at carnal love as an ugly distortion of love” (St. Ignatius (Brianchaninov)).
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“Love for God has no measure, just as the beloved God has limits and limitations. But love for neighbors has limits and limitations. If you do not keep it within proper limits, it can alienate you from the love of God, cause great harm, even destroy you. Truly, you must love your neighbor, but in such a way as not to harm your soul. Do everything simply and holy, have nothing in mind except pleasing God. And this will protect you in matters of love for your neighbors from any wrong steps” (Reverend Nicodemus the Holy Mountain).
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“Love is born from faith and fear of God, grows and is strengthened by hope, comes to perfection by goodness and mercy, which expresses the imitation of God” (Reverend Ambrose of Optina).
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“There is no higher virtue than love, and no worse vice and passion than hatred, which to those who do not pay attention to it seems unimportant, but in its spiritual significance is likened to murder (see: 1 John 3:15). Mercy and condescension towards others and forgiveness of their shortcomings is the shortest path to salvation” (Reverend Ambrose of Optina).
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“If you love someone, then you humble yourself before him. Where there is love, there is humility, and where there is anger, there is pride” (Reverend Nikon of Optina).
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“We must love everyone, because every person is the image of God, even if he, that is, the image of God, is contaminated in a person, he can wash himself and be clean again” (Reverend Nikon of Optina).
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“Love, first of all, extends to self-sacrifice... The second sign of true love is that it is eternal, never stops... The third sign of true, heavenly love is that it excludes complete dislike for anyone, that is, it is impossible, for example, to love only one person , but no others. He who has holy love is completely filled with it. I can grieve, regret that such and such is full of passions, committed to evil, acts badly, but I cannot not love a person as God’s creation, and I must be ready to show love for him at any time. The fourth sign of true love is that this love is at the same time directed towards God and neighbors, being in such a connection that whoever loves God will certainly love his neighbor too” (Holy Martyr Arseny (Zhadanovsky)).
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“If love is not in God and not from God, then it is only a sensual passion that people use like a drug in order to delight a life devoid of any meaning with this little nonsense” (St. Nicholas of Serbia).
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“Love is joy, and the price of love is sacrifice. Love is life, and the price of love is death” (St. Nicholas of Serbia).
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“Love is not just a feeling of the heart. Love is the queen of all feelings, noble and positive. Truly love is the shortest path to the Kingdom of Heaven. Love destroyed the division between God and man” (St. Nicholas of Serbia).
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“When the soul loves the body, it is not love, but desire, passion. When a soul loves a soul not in God, it is either delight or pity. When the soul in God loves the soul, regardless of appearance (beauty, ugliness), this is love. This is true love, my daughter. And in love there is life!” (St. Nicholas of Serbia)
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“God gave people the word “love” so that they would use this word to describe their relationship with Him. When people, having abused this word, begin to call it their attitude towards earthly things, it loses its meaning” (St. Nicholas of Serbia).
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“Love and lust are opposites of each other. Anyone who calls lust love is mistaken. For love is spiritual, pure and holy, but lust is bodily, unclean and unholy. Love is inseparable from truth, and lust is inseparable from illusion and lies. True love, as a rule, constantly increases in strength and inspiration, despite human old age; lust quickly passes, turns into disgust and often leads to despair” (St. Nicholas of Serbia).
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“Love has nothing to do with adultery and fornication. They mock love” (St. Nicholas of Serbia).
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“It is not difficult, not at all difficult, to love people who love us; It is not difficult, not at all difficult, to love your father, or mother, or wife, or your children. But is the price of this love high? Oh no, it has almost no value, because we love our loved ones, our children, according to the instinct of love, which is embedded in us by nature. What mother does not give all the affection, all the warmth of her heart to her child? Which one will not even give his life if he is threatened with death? This is, of course, good, but does it have the highest moral value? Oh no, it doesn't. We know that if we decide to destroy a bird’s nest, the mother of the chicks will fly in, hover over us, hit us in the face with her wings and squeak desperately... This is the same love, love by instinct, invested in every living creature. Don’t the she-bear and the she-wolf protect their cubs and go after a man who comes with a weapon?” (Saint Luke (Voino-Yasenetsky))
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“What does it mean to truly love a person? Everything sublime is difficult to define logically. How can we say what the Christian life of love is if its strength is manifested most of all in patience? Where there is love, there is always trust, where there is love, there is always hope. Love endures everything because it is strong. True love is constant, does not dry out and never ceases. This hymn of love sounded for the first time in the mouths of the first apostles of Christianity” (St. Luke (Voino-Yasenetsky)).
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“It’s love! Neither faith, nor dogma, nor mysticism, nor asceticism, nor fasting, nor long prayers constitute the true appearance of a Christian. Everything loses its power if there is no main thing - love for a person. Even the most precious thing for a Christian - eternal life - is determined by whether a person in his life loved people as his brothers” (St. Luke (Voino-Yasenetsky)).
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“There is mutual love: the love of spouses, the love of parents for children, the love for people worthy of love. All love is blessed, and this love is blessed, but this is the initial, lower form of love, for from conjugal love, through learning in it, we must rise to a much higher love for all people, for all the unfortunate, for the suffering, and from it we must still rise to the third degree of love - Divine love, love for God Himself. You see, until people achieve love for everyone, Divine love, love only for loved ones is of little importance” (St. Luke (Voino-Yasenetsky)).
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“The main duty of man is to love God and then his neighbor: every person and most of all his enemy. If we love God as we need to, then we will keep all His other commandments. But we love neither God nor our neighbors. Who is interested in another person today? Everyone is interested only in themselves, but not in others, and for this we will give an answer. God, Who is all Love, will not forgive us for this indifference towards our neighbors” (Reverend Paisius the Holy Mountain).
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“A good Christian loves God first, and then man. Abundant love is poured out to both animals and nature. The fact that we modern people are destroying the environment shows that we do not have an excess of love. Maybe we at least have love for God? Unfortunately no. Our life itself shows this” (Reverend Paisiy Svyatogorets).
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“Whoever works out of pure love for the sake of his neighbor, fatigue itself brings rest to him. The one who loves himself and is lazy becomes tired of his inaction. We must pay attention to what should motivate us to deeds of love, as the elder tells us. I must work for the sake of another out of pure love, and I have nothing more in mind. Many show their love towards certain people and immediately make them subservient to themselves” (Reverend Paisius the Svyatogorets).
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“In love for our neighbor lies our great love for Christ. Hidden again in our reverence for the Mother of God and the saints is our great reverence for Christ. This preserves Christian love and is qualitatively different from the love of worldly people” (Reverend Paisius the Svyatogorets).
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“Love is visible when a person gives while he himself is in deprivation. When you meet someone in need, think: if Christ Himself were in the place of the beggar, what would you give Him? Of course, the best... The Lord says that when you do something to one of the unfortunate, you thereby do it to Me” (Rev. Paisius the Holy Mountain).
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“Just loving someone is not enough. You must love a person more than yourself. A mother loves her children more than herself. In order to feed the children, she remains hungry. However, the joy she experiences is greater than the joy her children experience. The kids feed carnally, but the mother feeds spiritually. They experience the sensual taste of food, while she rejoices with spiritual joy” (Reverend Paisius the Holy Mountain).
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“True love is not selfish. She has no selfish bias and is distinguished by prudence” (Reverend Paisius the Holy Mountain).
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“Willingness to drink the cup of another’s sorrow is love” (Reverend Paisius the Svyatogorets).
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“Question: How can I understand, Geronda, whether I have true love? Answer: To understand this, you need to test yourself to see whether you love all people equally and whether you consider everyone to be your best” (Reverend Paisius the Svyatogorets).
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“The secret of love for a person begins at the moment when we look at him without the desire to possess him, without the desire to rule over him, without the desire to take advantage of his gifts or his personality in any way - we just look and are amazed at the beauty that we opened” (Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh).
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“When we begin to lead a Christian life, all our work, all our feat is aimed at accepting even our enemies with love. This is the martyrdom of a Christian” (Archimandrite Sophrony (Sakharov)).
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“We don’t think about how to change the world on our own. We strive to receive strength from God in order to act with love in all cases” (Archimandrite Sophrony (Sakharov)).
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“Love for humanity is verbal fornication. Love for a specific person, on our life path given by God, is a practical matter, requiring work, effort, struggle with oneself, one’s laziness” (Archimandrite John (Krestyankin)).
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“If love is in the heart, then it is poured out from the heart on everyone around and manifests itself in pity for everyone, in patience with their shortcomings and sins, in non-judgment of them, in prayer for them, and when necessary, then in material support” (abbot Nikon (Vorobiev)).
Relationships between husband and wife in Orthodoxy
The husband must protect and care for his wife, not commit serious sins and take part in raising children. The wife must follow the husband's instructions, provided they do not contradict the teachings of the church - for example, it will not be considered a sin if the wife refuses her husband if he asks her to go get a bottle or drink with him.
Moreover, it is possible to divorce an unlucky spouse, especially in cases of infidelity, drunkenness, or deception. However, the third and fourth marriage is not recognized by the church and is not celebrated in the temple.
The main purpose of the family in Orthodoxy is childbearing. It is believed that there should be as many children as God gives. However, protection without the use of contraceptives, for example, interrupted sexual intercourse, is not considered a sin if for some reason the spouses cannot have a child.
The Church has a negative attitude towards abortion and calls for having children unless there are serious contraindications to the health of the mother (for example, an ectopic pregnancy, in which it is impossible to carry a child to term).
About our struggle with passions and about God's love for man
A certain man had two sons; and the youngest of them said to his father: Father! give me the next part of the estate. And the father divided the estate for them. After a few days, the youngest son, having collected everything, went to a far side and there squandered his property, living dissolutely. When he had lived through everything, a great famine arose in that country, and he began to be in need; and he went and accosted one of the inhabitants of that country, and he sent him to his fields to graze pigs; and he was glad to fill his belly with the horns that the pigs ate, but no one gave it to him. When he came to his senses, he said, “How many of my father’s hired servants have an abundance of bread, but I am dying of hunger; I will get up and go to my father and say to him: Father! I have sinned against heaven and before you and am no longer worthy to be called your son; accept me as one of your hired servants. He got up and went to his father. And while he was still far away, his father saw him and had compassion; and, running, fell on his neck and kissed him. The son said to him: Father! I have sinned against heaven and before you and am no longer worthy to be called your son. And the father said to his servants: Bring the best robe and dress him, and put a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet; and bring the fatted calf, and kill it; Let's eat and have fun! For this son of mine was dead and is alive again, he was lost and is found. And they started having fun.
OK. 15:11–24
How to love people Orthodoxy
To do this, you need to try to understand them and not judge them, if possible.
The Church condemns sins, but not people, and always gives the opportunity to repent.
There have been cases when even bandits and villains became such believers that they completely changed their way of life. Therefore, you need to learn to forgive people, not envy them and learn to understand and accept their weaknesses.
Holy Fathers about falling in love
The holy fathers speak little about this feeling. The concept of “falling in love” does not exist in Orthodoxy - there is either legal marriage or extramarital affairs, which are called such words as “fornication”, “adultery”.
Modern priests advise young people to remain celibate before marriage and advise them to form friendships. This will help you check your feelings and understand whether you should deepen the relationship or not.
And if falling in love is uncontrollable and develops into addiction, the holy fathers believe that passion must either be overcome, or get married to a loved one, if he is not married. The church condemns relationships with married men and married women, as well as trial civil marriages, considering them sinful.
What should a believer do?
The same must be done with religious views. If you are a Christian, talk about it openly and without embarrassment: a truly loving person will accept it and treat it with respect, even without sharing your positions. If you feel good with each other, if there is mutual understanding and respect, then everything can work out. After all, Christianity is not a set of prohibitions “don’t go there, don’t do that,” Christianity is a religion of love. How many examples of families are there where one of the spouses, most often a woman, believes, the other does not, but through the believer, something begins to change in him... Even in the time of the Apostle Paul, this happened, to say nothing of us. And Paul, by the way, gives a comment on this: how do you, a believing wife, know whether your unbelieving husband is not being sanctified by your faith?
Of course, it would be ideal if the bride and groom were equally deeply religious people. But ideal situations are rare, and they also have their temptations. And most often, one person in a pair drags the other up. As a rule, this is very difficult. It’s easier to slide down together, which is what sometimes happens. But you can’t order your heart. Therefore, if the Lord has connected, you need to drag. The main thing is to remember again that starting a family is not a way to achieve personal comfort, but an opportunity to grow into Christ. And a person who is excited about how to quickly meet a Christian girl and get married, while rejecting all other options, will rarely find happiness...
