White lie: excuse or reality?

Adviсe

Why does a person lie?
Is the truth the same for everyone?
On the scales of conscience: lie or tell the truth?
Why don't they like people who tell only the truth?
Why do children lie?
How can you tell if a person is lying or telling the truth?

In all religions, lying is considered a sin. Despite this, every person lies at least ten times a day. What motivates him at these moments? Why does a person lie, hiding the truth from loved ones?

In the early 60s of the last century, aspiring writer Victoria Tokareva published her first book entitled “A Day Without Lies.” In the story, a young man decided to go without lying for one day. Throughout the day, he strictly follows the plan, but no one around him takes the hero seriously; people around are sure that he is making fun of them. As a result, the young man realizes that if he continues to tell only the truth, in the end he will be left without family, friends, and work. The young writer’s story found a response in the hearts of readers; the plot subsequently became the basis for hundreds of books and films.

It turns out that if any of us decided to undertake such an experiment, the result would be just as sad. It turns out that lying occurs not only from malicious intent, but also in the name of salvation. As they say, the truth can be bitter, it can hurt, heat up the atmosphere, and cause pain. So you have to hide some life moments from children, parents, assent to your superiors, and deceive your loved one.

So, a white lie is still reality? Don’t we use this technique too often and close ourselves with the phrase “white lie” as an excuse every time we avoid telling the truth?

Why does a person lie?

A person rarely lies to others just because he wants to, unless he is a pathological liar, of course. Usually there are always reasons for lying:

Fear for another person. If you do not want to cause a loved one pain, suffering, or frustration, and are afraid of his possible inadequate reaction to the truth, the person is lying. He lies, supposedly, to protect him, to shelter him from the cruel world. The desire to hide the truth arises in really serious situations: illness, loss, financial problem. Fear for yourself. Fear of punishment for an act committed, fear of consequences force one to lie. This is a kind of defense of the body that protects a person from painful reality. Often in such situations, the person who is lying comes up with an alternative reality where he does not look ugly in the eyes of others. As a result, the dreamer himself believes in a new world and no longer distinguishes truth from fiction. In some cases, deception is justified and thanks to it it is possible to save a family, friendship, or relationship. In others, it is cruel to loved ones, and when the truth comes out, it is no longer worth expecting forgiveness not for the act itself, but for the lie. Personal benefit. This is when a person needs some moral or material dividends and in order to get them, he is forced to lie. Or to defend his interests, to avoid an unpleasant and unnecessary situation for him personally.

Is the truth the same for everyone?

Often a person lies to save himself, but the fact is that the truth is a relative concept, and if one sees in it something terrible that needs to be hidden, then the other will consider it not so dangerous and not requiring concealment. It all depends on the person, his character, life experience, knowledge, awareness of the reasons and sometimes even his mood. Such criteria influence whether the truth will be told or a new fiction will be told.

All people perceive lies differently, no matter whether they themselves lie or are deceived. Three main categories can be distinguished:

Those who consider the method of achieving the desired result to be unimportant - they are sure that any lie is for the good. Those for whom the goal does not justify the means used - they are sure that lies cannot accompany good intentions. Pathological liars are those who lie without fear of being punished for their deception; neither shame nor the likelihood of being caught lying stops them.

People of the first category are truth-tellers, “truth-tellers”; for them, in any situation, human emotions and experiences are not so important. The main thing is the truth.

People of the second category are not so categorical; they allow deception in some cases.

People of the third category sincerely believe in their fantasies and lie not out of self-interest, but because they consider the fictitious truth to be real. It is practically useless to fight them - such people are confident in their rightness, in their truth.

And the answer to the dilemma “Is a white lie justified? Is this an excuse or reality? depends on the group to which the person belongs.

Where it occurs[edit]

Theater[edit]

“At the Bottom” by Maxim Gorky - naturally, the wanderer Luke. True, for the Actor, his lie for the good ends in suicide... From the very first production of “At the Lower Depths,” debate has not subsided: was this lie really “for the good?”

Literature[edit]

Russian speaking[edit]

A. S. Pushkin, “The Captain’s Daughter” - priest Akulina Pamfilovna told Pugachev about the sick Masha Mironova, who was lying in bed, that this was her niece.
A. Kuprin, “Holy Lies.”
Yu. Drunina, “When, having forgotten the oath, they turned...”
The Strugatsky brothers, “The Tale of the Troika” - in the fight against the Troika. “Edik quietly arranged for me to have a stamp on my application, and Roman – a round one. I [Privalov] organized the signature of Janus Poluektovich myself.”
"Chronicles of a Strange Kingdom" - in all fields! Kantor hides his real name from Olga - when the girl finds out about this, she simply goes wild.
They try to save Kantor himself from the prophesied death - Kantor becomes furious.
Shellar quite successfully deceives Olga, slipping her an agent as a neighbor and friend. What’s typical is that he’s having a blast.

The wolfhound did not tell Kanaon's family under what circumstances their little blood actually died. Nor did he tell them what a scum this Kanaon was during his lifetime. For the mother, the guy was the only light in the window, and for the younger brothers, he was a hero. Well, Wolfhound and Eurich spun something out for them so as not to destroy the “bright intra-family myth”... The middle brother, the most sensible one, was hinted at the truth, but the mother and the youngest - no, no.

“Night Watch”: Gorodetsky laments that the Light Ones often have to lie for the greater good to gain influence, while the Dark Ones only need to tell the truth.

T. Kryukova “Prisoner of the Mirror” - in the climax, Prince Gleb comes to the castle of the Ice Lady, who has kidnapped his companion Marika... however, the Ice Lady turns out to be the insidious intriguer Agnes, for the sake of intrigues for him and his mother, she even turned to his twin brother Gordey and lied to Marika that she her mother. But Gleb sees how Agnes has changed in captivity in the Looking Glass, that she sincerely fell in love with Marika as her own - and says that Agnes is really her mother, forced to leave her because of witchcraft, and saving her was the goal of their campaign.

In other languages[edit]

German writer of the 18th century. Johann Musaeus, legend of Melechsala - Count von Gleichen's squire Kurt said that he was a skilled gardener, and the Count was released from prison.
A ballad by Moritz Gahr, popular in Russia in the 19th century, about the mother of a young count who was about to be executed for political reasons. His mother told him that if she managed to beg for mercy, she would be wrapped in a white blanket during her execution. Seeing her in this veil, he died calmly, apparently thinking that they were simply scaring him before pardoning her. [1]

«	Why was the mother dressed in white?.. Oh, holy lie!.. Only a mother, full of fear, could lie like that, So that her son would not flinch before execution!	»
— translation by M. Mikhailov

According to many, it turned out to be an unsuccessful fable. Death in a noose (and the hero is hanged) does not occur instantly. The son did not die “calmly,” but after shitting himself from the horror of surprise, and at the same time learning that even his own mother had lied to him. If I had known in advance, maybe I would have escaped. When is “in advance”? The mother deceived her son the day before his execution. The next morning he was hanged. Probably, before this, all attempts to escape had failed, and requests for pardon were rejected. But these are Aragorn's pants.

Pierre-Jean Beranger:

«	Gentlemen! If the holy world does not know how to find a way to the truth - Honor the madman who will bring a golden dream to Humanity!	»
— Translation by V. Kurochkin

“The Adventures of Tom Sawyer” - when Becky asked her father not to be angry with Tom for lying, taking her blame upon himself, for which he received a severe spanking from the teacher, Thatcher stated that “it was a selfless, noble, generous lie, a lie , which is worthy of holding its head high and walking shoulder to shoulder with the famous Truth of George Washington - the Truth that he said about the ax.”
Stories by O. Henry (the author clearly loved this trope): “The Third Ingredient” - the hero lied that the girl he saved fell into the water by accident in order to spare her from punishment for attempting suicide.
"The Last Leaf" - Berman painted a leaf on the window for Jonesy to hold on to life like a leaf.
"For the love of art." Joe Larreby lied that he painted pictures with charcoal and sold them, although he worked as a fireman, and Dilia Caruser lied that he gave music lessons to General A. B. Pinckney and his daughter, although she worked as an ironer... in the same house. It is worth adding that everyone lied not out of pride, but only so that their loved one could peacefully engage in art.
“The transformation of Jimmy Valentine,” the detective lied to save the criminal, despite the consequences awaiting the servant of the law.
“Kings and Cabbage” is a must-have, and a lot of it is for salvation. Moreover, for many characters, and in one case it is played out from a very unexpected angle (about a blackmailer).
“The Deal” is this author’s most Christian story. "There is no more love..."
"The Vile Deceiver" - This novella also tells an example of this trope. In this case, its name is polemical.

R. Sabatini, “The Odyssey of Captain Blood.” Wolverston composed a compilation of truths and lies about the officer's patent accepted by Blood; Blood lied to Gwanahini that his daughter and her husband were killed.

Fitzjames O'Brien, "The Gold Bar" - inversion. White lies brought grief. The loving daughter, feeling sorry for her alchemist father (“he was on the verge of death when he worked, sparing no effort in his mad race for the ghost of gold, and every day he grew weaker and wasted”), throws a gold bar into his crucible, which she She bought it with all the money she earned. The alchemist gave her the “created” ingot for safekeeping, and she then threw it into the crucible again. And so time after time. And when the father decided that it was time to “surround his child and himself with the benefits that we can now afford,” the daughter burst into tears and said that they had been robbed. As a result, he accused her of theft, suspected her of greed, passion for gambling, debauchery and God knows what else. It’s good that the young doctor, whom the daughter called to see her father, figured out this story.

R. Arthur, story “Suicide Bomber” - inversion. Here a white lie led to crime and misfortune. The niece of two once rich old women does not dare to upset them with the news that they are ruined, as a result the old women begin to suspect the niece and her husband of planning to kill them for the sake of their inheritance. As luck would have it, their suspicions seem to be confirmed. The old women burn their alleged murderers along with their house, and then find out that only these people saved them from the squalid nursing home where they will now have to live.

The Vorkosigan Saga. According to the official Barrayaran version, Jes Vorrutier was killed by Cordelia, not Bothari. He was saved from the tribunal, she received a reputation as a heroine.

Catherine's son is told that his father died as a hero, although in fact he died due to his own stupidity. However, this only spoils the situation: from omissions and omissions, the relatives of the deceased weave a version that Miles killed him.

Cinema[edit]

“Men in Black”: agents successfully hide the truth about aliens from humanity - they do not want to scare ordinary people with information like “a huge spaceship is hanging above the Earth, which is about to incinerate our planet.”
“With clean hands”: when the werewolf in uniform Stefan Patulya finally went over to the side of the bandits and prepared to do a very big nasty thing, Miklovan and Roman (the main characters) killed Patulya. And rightly so. But Patuli was left with a widow and a child. What should I tell them? Correct: “Stefan, they say, fought against the bandits and died as a hero.”
“Zita and Gita” (see epigraph).
The Dark Knight: Batman subverts justice by taking the blame for the crimes of the late Harvey Dent. And all so that Dent remains in people’s memory as a symbol of the fight for justice, and his good endeavors do not go in vain. As a result, Batman becomes an outcast in the eyes of society, but Dent's ideas triumph. Through the efforts of Bane, it was finally revealed in the next film.

“Guardians”: the heroes still do not dare to reveal to humanity the truth about who is actually guilty of the destruction of most of the world's capitals. As a result of this lie, the threat of World War III finally disappears.

Living

"Route 60" - a "gallery of fakes"?

“Kin” - the elder brother of the protagonist, in order not to traumatize him, hid from him the skirmish with bandits in which their father was killed. And therefore, Elijah, not knowing about his father’s death or about the bandits, called his father and told his answering machine about where the hotel they were staying in was located, went on the run and asked his father to come as soon as possible. But, only the bandits had the mobile phone... that's what came out of the white lie...

“Bird Box” - in order to stop the child from removing the blindfold, which in the world of the film is a literal suicide, the adoptive mother hastily creates a false ending to the story about the top of the tree that she had started earlier: “When he climbed there, to the very top of the old oak tree, he saw the real thing.” miracle - there were many, hundreds of children playing games... hundreds... There were many birds, a sea of birds of all colors. He also saw us. He took us away from the top of the oak tree, all three of us together.” Thanks to this, the child was distracted from the voices urging him to remove the bandage.

TV series[edit]

House: Gregory House is a grand master of this skill. And everyone who works with him learns this from him.
“Doctor Who”, season eight finale - The Doctor and Clara try to share sad news from their lives, but at first they only interrupt each other, and then simultaneously decide that the other’s life has improved so much that it would be simply indecent to impose themselves to continue close communication.
Phillip K. Dick's Electric Dreams - Story 2 "Impossible Planet": An old woman approaches the two main characters and asks them to take them to Earth. And at first they try to refuse her, explaining that the Earth no longer exists, but when she offers a HUGE amount of money, they decide to deceive the old woman and take her to a similar planet, which is also a scorched stone ball, and they reassure themselves that it will be “ white lie
” - the old lady will “get” what she wanted, and they will both become fabulously rich.
Cops-11, episode "Red Shooter". The widow of Senior Lieutenant Reshetilov looked at the crime news and recognized the corpse of the said killer as her husband, who had gone missing 13 years ago. But Solovets was still able to convince her that she had made a mistake. Although, indeed, the killer Red Strelok turned out to be not a legend at all, but rather an elder who, before his death, managed to “close” old criminal “debts”.

Animated series[edit]

Gravity Falls: Uncle Stan doesn't tell Dipper and Mabel everything he knows about the town's anomalies, fearing that they will go study them and get killed. The end result is “Oh, well done!”: Dipper still regularly ends up in stories, and at a crucial moment, having learned about the lie, he stops trusting Stan.
“Smeshariki” is a truly noble option: Karych, deciding to prove to himself and others that he had unraveled Houdini’s secret, performed a deadly trick. But when his friends got scared, he lied to them that he hadn’t figured out anything, but had simply resorted to a cheap illusion. The moral is much deeper than just “white lies”: “None of our victories are worth the experiences of our loved ones.”

Webcomics[edit]

"Goblins: Life Through Their Eyes": When the goblin paladin Big Ears hears that the goblin monk Marksmanship is about to cut through a crowd of people to get to his son, he comes up with a solution to avoid the massacre. Big Ears climbs onto the platform and begins to tell the townspeople that he is a demon who has come to devour their souls. Residents of the city flee in horror.

Anime, manga, light novel[edit]

Bungo Stray Dogs - A conversation in a theater between Yukichi Fukuzawa and Edogawa Rampo on the day they met. After him, the second fortified himself for 12 years in the idea that he had a superpower, not even suspecting that this was only a lie of the first. But in that particular situation, it actually turned out to be a white lie.
The burned girl and Haru - Natsu, although she lost an eye as a result of the fire and walks with bandages all over the left side of her body, upon returning to school she told everyone that the school annex was set on fire by an arsonist, and her boyfriend Haru was only trying to protect her. As a result, Haru, rejected by the class, regained his good name again - although it was he who caused the fire with his uncontrollable pyrokinesis that caused such severe injuries to Natsu. To be fair, Haru himself took his guilt hard.

Video games[edit]

Fallout: New Vegas: Subversion, the hero lies not to the one for whose benefit the lie will benefit. On an assignment at the NKR base to find out information from a captured centurion, the Courier must present himself as a sent Cossack from Caesar's Legion. Basically, the problem is solved by a high Intelligence score: The Courier begins to quote Latin. If this is not enough, an arsenal of skills and conversational perks comes to the rescue.
Randall Clark, who secretly cared for children trapped in Zion National Park after the war. He just wanted to present the lessons of survival as a game, as a fairy tale, and he himself had long been unaccustomed to communicating with people... and when his charges got comfortable in the canyons, Clark could no longer open up to them - what would have happened if they had seen, instead of the divine patron, an ordinary old man with a shabby rifle? This is how the cult of the Father-from-the-Cave turned out, existing centuries after the death of Clark himself.

Dragon Age series. “Honesty is the best policy”? Then try telling a grief-stricken mother in Orzammar that her son turned into a mad ghoul in the Deep Roads (and, optionally, was killed by the main character). Or in the Brecilian Forest, tell the elderly elf that his wife became a werewolf, and you killed her out of mercy. Or tell your sister, who is looking for her brother, that her idiot brother tried to summon a demon using blood magic and died from it. Yes, many examples! The series of these games is full of situations that make you seriously think - are the local churchmen so hypocritical and wrong with their principle “Ignorance is bliss”?

Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodlines - during the quest to find plague carriers, the hero will find the dying prostitute Hannah. After asking the girl about how she became infected, the hero can lie to her that her friend Paul is alive and well, allowing the prostitute to die happy. In the unofficial patch, they give you a humanity point for this.

The Liar Princess and the Blind Prince

Terminator: Resistance - Doctor Erin can lie about the fact that her husband (who died in the Hollywood Hills) is waiting for his wife in Mexico, presenting as evidence a letter he wrote shortly before his death. The game regards this as a clearly good deed: having left the Resistance bunker, Erin will avoid the stripping of the machines and will remain alive. The hero in the end, however, wonders if he had the right to do this?

Visual novels[edit]

Shuffle! — The main character Rin and his childhood friend Kaede lost their parents at a very young age. But if Rin was able to bear this with great difficulty, then Kaede was literally broken by the news of her mother’s death and deprived of the will to live. The girl refused to eat or drink and began to slowly fade before her eyes. Rin himself and Kaede’s surviving father were unable to tell her the cruel truth - that because of her cold, Rin’s parents and her mother were in such a hurry to go home and got into a car accident - this would have completely finished off the child. Then the main character decided to use a trick and told his friend that it was his whim that caused the death of their parents, which caused Kaede to have an attack of incredible rage and filled her life with a new motivation - to take revenge. Up until middle school, the girl made Rin's life a complete hell, trying to harm him, but as she grew up, she realized that he was lying to her to save her - and her bottomless hatred turned into equally boundless love.
Air - Misuzu lies to her mother that she is no longer in pain and wants to sleep, so that she can sleep peacefully and rest, and then spend a fun and carefree day with her. The last one, as it turned out. Kijiri asks Kano to wear a yellow bow on her left hand all the time so that when she comes of age, she can learn to cast magic and bring back her parents. In fact, she is afraid that during the next attack, the possessed Kano will commit suicide, and the bant must stop her.

Internet[edit]

SCP Foundation - Subversion: the foundation tries to hide information about anomalies, but using the subject "Hidden in Plain Sight".

On the scales of conscience: lie or tell the truth?

Depending on the sensitivity of the situation, a person decides, weighing the arguments and pros and cons, to lie to him or to tell the truth.

Examples:

A friend, mother, acquaintance asks how her new hairstyle is? In your opinion, she is terrible and does not suit her. What to do in this situation? You can lie and say that the new hairstyle suits her. The fashionista's mood will rise, she will feel confident in herself and her beauty. You can tell the truth, but it will be your truth. And it’s not a fact that what you didn’t like, other people won’t like - on the one hand. On the other hand, whether you tell her that her hair is terrible or not, in the end you will still turn out to be a liar or a liar.

And if the husband, succumbing to a momentary impulse, cheated on his wife, after which he realized the horror of the act. Should he tell his wife about the fact of betrayal or is it better to remain silent in order to preserve the relationship and family? What will happen if your spouse finds out the truth from his mistress or third parties?

Are these situations a dilemma? Yes. The situations are elementary, but sensitive, and everyone decides for themselves how to get out of them without losing their human face and without disappointing the person.

Or a more serious situation: often relatives hide the truth from sick relatives, without telling them about the severity of their illness. On the one hand, they want to protect their loved one from worries, because they already have only a few days left to live, on the other hand, doesn’t a person have the right to internally struggle with his body illnesses or say goodbye to people close to him and complete unfinished business?

The main thing is not to overdo it by taking responsibility for concealing the truth. Without telling a person information, a liar does not give the deceived the opportunity to react to any event in his own way. Sometimes deception is a service to good, but sometimes the liar takes on too much responsibility.

Take the cheating situation for example: doesn’t the wife deserve to know the truth? Or maybe, if she knew her, she would consider that it would be better for her to live quietly in ignorance.

Main conclusions

Be that as it may, for me personally, the concepts of “bitter truth” and “sweet lie” are manifestations of those two opposites, which, despite the continuous struggle with each other, have something in common.

This is somewhat reminiscent of a compass needle, the two halves of which continuously strive to take the required position (in accordance with the cardinal points). Moreover, they simultaneously exist on a single axis around which all events occur.

If I suddenly strayed from the path of truth and began to follow the path of lies, hiding my choice under the guise of a “white lie,” then sooner or later the compass needle will definitely point to my real location (for there is nothing secret that would not become obvious ) and will suggest the correct route.

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Why don't they like people who tell only the truth?

This may seem incredible, but few people perceive “truth tellers” as a standard of morality and morality. On the contrary, communication with them is avoided and often truthful people become outcasts.

And the point is not that the truth in some cases may simply be inappropriate; lovers of the truth “open people’s eyes” not because of moral qualities, but because of their own selfishness and even hidden aggression.

Egoists rarely think about how their truthful words will resonate in a person’s soul. The reaction, the emotional state of the interlocutor is not so important to them, the main thing is to speak out, and then whatever happens. The “truth tellers” themselves will feel good and pleased for the fact that they told the truth; the rest doesn’t bother them much.

Both perfectionists and hidden aggressors are lovers of truth. The first type wants to remain impeccable at all costs, the second, under the guise of truth, enjoys watching the pain of the interlocutor.

So, are the lies of the “truth tellers” for good or for evil?

Is there a paradox?

And there would be nothing paradoxical if we recognized the fact that hiding information is also a lie, but only that information that matters, which the liar knows about.

That is, I must be aware that the information that I hide from another is significant for him.

The bride understands that, according to the terms of social rituals, she is expected to be faithful to the groom.

Or another example, many understand that it is important to know about their roots, but still prefer not to tell their adopted children that they are adopted.

And this often leads to unpleasant cases when the child learns about it from strangers. There are plenty of such examples.

Why do children lie?

If adults and teenagers can still be understood, then what makes little fools lie?

Kids have been cunning and dodgy since they were four years old, why do once honest and open children begin to lie?

The child experiments, sees how his family will perceive his prank. Parents, without meaning to, teach their children to lie. This happens in banal everyday situations in which adults do not see anything reprehensible, but the child sees everything and perceives it in his own way. For example, a mother may tell her friend that everything is fine, although she herself was crying just an hour ago because of problems at work. Or the father is called to the phone, and he asks to say that he is not at home.

So children initially learn to tell the truth or lie from the example of their parents.

A small child does not lie out of malice, he gets to know the world, but the longer he lives, the more he learns to be cunning and dodge. The concept of “a white lie” comes to his awareness much later, when the already grown child understands that a lie can be not only a game, but also a serious problem or solution to any issue. Usually the perception of when, where and why one can and should lie comes to a person in adolescence.

Case from practice

One client shared an incident from the past that he now finds comical. At a certain period of his life, he and his bride had to live in different cities.

One evening he called her as usual. To the question: “Are you at home?” he received a positive answer, as well as to the question: “Are you okay?”

Quite a routine situation. If he had not subsequently learned that on that day his bride was not alone, but in the company of two African-Americans, students of the local university.

Well, the young lady experimented and all that. But the most remarkable thing in this story is that during the showdown, the girl sincerely did not understand the essence of the claims, but she was telling the truth!

"Are you home?" - “I’m home”, “Everything is fine” - “Everything is just wonderful!”

The relationship ended, but my client was left in slight bewilderment. Indeed, he was not directly lied to, but in the end he was deceived.

How can you tell if a person is lying or telling the truth?

Inexperienced liars, who lie out of urgent necessity, cannot cope with internal emotions and experiences during deception. They are identified by certain somatic signs, which can be recognized by devices such as polygraphs, psychologists, and even outsiders.

A lying person's pupils dilate, his heartbeat quickens, and his voice becomes tense. When telling a lie, a person averts his eyes, covers his mouth with his hand, and makes gestures that are unnecessary in the given situation. His palms and forehead are sweating, his ears and cheeks are burning.

But people who lie every day, with or without a reason, calmly cope with their emotions and it is almost impossible to understand that they are lying. It’s the same with a person who interweaves truth and fiction—bringing him out into the open is not so easy.

By the way, people who lie often and a lot are more susceptible to various kinds of diseases than those who lie much less often. The fact is that lying makes a person tense, anxious and nervous. And this cannot but affect the body in the form of stress.

So, it is quite difficult to answer unambiguously the question of whether white lies are reality or fiction. It all depends on the situation, on the truthful or false phrases spoken, intonation and many other factors. Lying is, of course, not good, but sometimes it is necessary.