Preface
The currently widespread appeal to the faith of the fathers - Orthodoxy - is not always, unfortunately, crowned with a correct understanding of it. Very often, Orthodoxy is understood as its external side, its “clothing”: services, sacraments, rituals, church discipline, rules, etc., which are only its “icon”, necessary auxiliary means for the assimilation of Orthodoxy, but not itself. For the implementation of all these church institutions without understanding the essence of Orthodoxy can easily lead a believer to acquire not the god-like properties of humility and love, but directly ungodly ones: conceit, pride, pharisaism.
This is what led the Jews, who saw the essence of their faith in the scrupulous fulfillment of the external instructions of the Old Testament religion, to reject the coming Messiah-Christ, making them fighters against God. It is no coincidence that the Lord performed many miracles on Saturday, when according to Jewish law nothing could be done, thereby denouncing these zealots of the “letter” and fatherly traditions. He did all this to show that salvation is achieved not by ritual belief, but by purity of heart, for from the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, fornication, theft, false witness, blasphemy - this defiles a person; but eating with unwashed hands does not defile a person
(Matthew 15:19–20). This teaching of the Savior is extremely vital today for the Orthodox believer. For one of the greatest temptations for him is to see the essence of Christianity not in the fulfillment of the commandments of Christ, but in adherence to external ritual life.
What is Orthodoxy?
This book of letters from one of the remarkable ascetics of the 20th century of our Church, Abbot Nikon (Vorobiev), is dedicated to the answer to this question. If we try to briefly express its main idea, we can say the following.
Orthodoxy is the correct spiritual life (as opposed to its many distortions), based on faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and His Gospel. Such a life is hidden from prying eyes, for it represents a struggle in the heart of a person, from which both good and evil intentions, thoughts, and desires emanate. This life, first of all, leads the believer to the knowledge of the deep corruption of human nature, his personal sinfulness and, hence, the need for a Savior. And by the faith of this knowledge, it reveals to the sincerely working Christian all the beauty of the Kingdom of God, hidden inside every human heart (Luke 17:21).
But how to reach the saving haven and enter the Kingdom of God is, as the fathers put it, the science of the sciences and the art of the arts. That is why the peculiarity of Orthodoxy is so important that, unlike all other directions of modern Christianity (Catholicism, Protestantism, pseudo-Christian sects), which study this science according to their own understanding, it is completely based on patristic teaching and experience. The very personal experience of an individual believer and the teaching of any Christian community (both Orthodox and non-Orthodox) are assessed exclusively through the prism of the conciliar experience of the fathers - only for Orthodoxy it is the only reliable criterion of truth in assessing all the truths of faith and phenomena of spiritual life. The reason for this approach is clear. When the holy fathers teach in agreement on any issues, their agreement testifies that they are not expressing their personal opinion, but are conveying the voice of the same Spirit of God with which the Holy Scripture itself was written. Therefore, their consistent teaching on any issue of faith and spiritual life is a guarantor of truth in Orthodoxy, and knowledge of the foundations of this teaching is necessary for every Christian.
I would like to hope that the proposed essay about the life of Abbot Nikon and his letters will make it possible to better understand the path of spiritual life and the dangers that stand on it - to understand what Orthodoxy is.
“I have always sincerely strived for God”
Hegumen Nikon (in the world Nikolai Nikolaevich Vorobyov) was born in 1894 into a peasant family in the village of Mikshino, Bezhetsky district, Tver province. He was the second child. In total, there were six children in the family, all boys[1]. As a child, Kolya, it seems, was no different from his brothers, except for his special honesty, obedience to his elders and amazing cordiality, pity for everyone. He retained these traits throughout his life.
In this regard, it is interesting to note one episode from his childhood life. A holy fool, nicknamed Vanka the Small, often appeared in their village and lived for a long time, whom Kolya’s parents willingly welcomed. And then one day, when the children were playing, this holy fool suddenly approached Kolya and, pointing at him, repeated several times:
"This is a monk, a monk." These words caused nothing but laughter from anyone. But 30 years later this amazing prediction came true - it was Kolya who became a monk.
Vanka the little one was truly insightful. He also predicted the death of Kolya’s mother in Taganrog several decades in advance.
One day, going up to her and folding his hands like a tube, he began to play: “Duru-dara, duru-dara, life died in Taganrog.” At that time, no one in the family had even heard of the existence of such a city. In the 30s, she actually moved to Taganrog to live with her son Vasily and died there. After elementary school, which Kolya graduated with flying colors, his father managed to get him into a secondary school in Vyshny Volochyok. And here he immediately attracted attention with his exceptional and versatile abilities. He showed excellent mathematical talents and was an excellent stylist. He said more than once that it was always easy for him to write essays. This is also evident from his letters, which he wrote, as a rule, immediately, without drafts. He sang (tenor) in the choir, played the alto, performed in various programs at school events, and was an excellent sketcher and painter. The younger brothers said that his drawings were still hanging in their classrooms as models. When moving from class to class, he invariably received a first-class award (a certificate of merit and a book).
But under what conditions did Kolya live and study at the real school?
They helped from home only in primary school. When he decided to study further, he had nowhere to wait for help: his parents lived very poorly, and besides him there were four more sons who also needed education. Therefore, Kolya had to continue studying under conditions that would seem incredible to a modern person. Immediately after the compulsory lessons, he, while still a boy, was forced, in order to earn his bread, to go and help his wealthy comrades who were lagging behind. He was paid a little for this. After spending several hours there, he ran to the apartment (for which he had to pay) and began preparing his lessons. Difficulties increased when his brother Misha entered the same real school, whom only he could help.
Need, hunger and cold were his constant companions throughout his studies. In winter, he wore a light permanent coat and boots, even without insoles.
* * *
The family from which the priest came was Orthodox. But this faith, like that of most ordinary people, was of a ritual nature, external, traditional, and had no basis in either knowledge of the Christian faith or a solid spiritual foundation. Such faith, at best, brought up honest people, but received at the everyday level, according to tradition, was not strong and was easily lost.
Father Nikon said that the bulk of the people easily left the faith after the revolution because many shepherds tended themselves more than their flock, and instead of edifying them in the truths of faith and life, they were often simply mechanical demand-correctors. Their entire teaching consisted of a call to do what was “supposed”: to baptize, to marry, to perform funeral services, to go to church on holidays, to observe fasts, to receive communion once a year. The people knew almost nothing about spiritual life, about the fight against passions; rarely did anyone teach them this. Therefore, as soon as he was told that the church was a deception of the priests, many people stopped believing in God. For if the church is a deception, then God Himself is a fiction. This is what happened to Nikolai. In real school he lost faith. He was a man of deep nature. Unlike many, he was not carried away by the routine of this life. He was looking for the meaning of life. And this quest was not of an abstract philosophical nature, but came from the very heart and captured his entire soul. In this respect he was very similar to F.M. Dostoevsky, who said that his hosanna to Christ passed through a great crucible of doubts
.
Having entered a real school, he eagerly rushed into the study of sciences, naively believing that the truth was hidden in them, believing the atheistic propaganda that spread widely in Russia after the manifestos (“On strengthening the principles of religious tolerance”, “On improving the state order”) of 1905 Nicholas II on freedom of the press and all religions (except the Orthodox Church). This blind faith in science easily replaced his equally blind faith in God at that time. Only in high school did he understand that empirical sciences in general do not deal with problems of knowledge of Truth, the spiritual world, the existence of God; the question of the meaning of human life is not only not raised in them, but also does not follow from the nature of these sciences themselves. Seeing this, he, with all the fervor of his nature, began studying the history of philosophy, in which he achieved such great knowledge that even his teachers sometimes turned to him on some issues.
His search for Meaning was so great that often, being literally left without a piece of bread, he used his last money to buy a book. He could only read it at night. At night he studied the history of philosophy, read classical literature - and all with one goal, with one thought: to find the truth, to find the meaning of life.
But the more knowledge he acquired and the older he became, the more acutely he felt the meaninglessness of this life, concluded between birth and inevitable death. Death is the lot of everyone, without exception. And if so, then what is the meaning of life, which can end at any moment? There is no point in living for yourself, but for others? All others are the same mortals, whose life, therefore, also has no meaning. And why, in this case, does a person live if nothing saves him or anyone else from death? Neither science nor philosophy gave him an answer to this question. " The study of philosophy,
- he said at the end of his life -
showed that every philosopher believed that he had found the truth.
But how many of them, philosophers, were there? But there is only one truth. And the soul yearned for something else. Philosophy is a surrogate; It’s like giving people chewing rubber instead of bread. Eat this rubber, but will you be full? I realized that just as science does not give anything about God, about the future life, so philosophy will not give anything .”
* * *
In 1914, at the age of twenty, Nikolai brilliantly graduated from a real school, but left it without joy.
Having lost faith in both science and philosophy, he makes another attempt to find a scientific answer to the main question of life: why am I living? He enters the Psychoneurological Institute in Petrograd. However, here too he was deeply disappointed. “I saw: psychology studies not a person at all, but the “skin” - the speed of processes, apperceptions, memory... Such nonsense that it also repelled me. And the conclusion became absolutely clear that we need to turn to religion.”
[2].
After finishing his first year, he left the institute. The final spiritual crisis has arrived. The struggle was so difficult that the thought of suicide began to occur.
And then one day in the summer of 1915, in Vyshny Volochyok, when Nikolai suddenly felt a state of complete hopelessness, the thought of his childhood years of faith flashed through him like lightning: what if God really exists? Should He reveal himself? And so, the young man, an unbeliever, from the entire depth of his being, almost in despair, exclaimed: “Lord, if You exist, then reveal yourself to me! I am not looking for You for any earthly, selfish purposes. I only need one thing: are You there or not?”
And... The Lord revealed himself.
«Impossible to transfer
“,” said the priest,
“that action of grace that convinces of the existence of God with force and evidence that does not leave the slightest doubt in a person.
The Lord reveals himself the way, say, the sun suddenly shines after a dark cloud: you no longer doubt whether it was the sun or someone who lit a lantern. So the Lord revealed himself to me that I fell to the ground with the words: “Lord, glory to You, I thank You! Grant me all my life to serve You! Let all the sorrows, all the suffering that exists on earth come to me - grant me to survive everything, just not to fall away from You, not to lose You .
How long this state lasted: an hour, two, he did not remember exactly. But when I got up from my knees, I heard the powerful, measured beats of a church bell, going off into infinity. At first, he did not attach any importance to this, believing that they were calling from a monastery that was nearby. But the ringing did not stop, and the time turned out to be too late for the good news - after midnight.
Nikolai was perplexed for a long time about this ringing, fearing whether it was a hallucination. The explanation came later when he found the same thing in S.N.’s autobiographical notes. Bulgakov in “The Never-Evening Light”, and also remembered Turgenev’s story “Living Relics” in “Notes of a Hunter”, where Lukerya also said that she heard a ringing “from above”, not daring to say “from the sky”. He realized that the Lord sometimes, along with internal revelation, shows a person special external signs for his greater identification.
Thus a complete revolution in his worldview took place. God revealed Himself to those who sought Him with all the strength of their soul. The Lord answered this quest and gave him a taste
and
see
that He
exists
and that He is
good
.
Text of the book “Letters on Spiritual Life”
Humble yourself, consider yourself worthy of hell and with a contrite heart beg the Lord for mercy, like the tax collector, the harlot, the thief, the prodigal son - and the Lord will have mercy on you, and here you will feel it in your heart and calm down. Wake it up, wake it up! Amen.
Excuse me.
* * *
18/II–55
Peace to you. Thank you for the hotels. Why do you make it difficult for yourself and others with parcels? We remember you anyway. We live as before. Nothing new. Regarding all your questions regarding your inner life, I will say one thing: live quietly, as you live, and as the Lord leads. Do not offend anyone and do not judge, whenever the opportunity arises - show love to your neighbor according to your strength. Contrite your shortcomings before God, surrendering yourself and everyone to His Holy will. Don’t interfere with the teacher, but if they ask you sincerely, answer as best you can, with inner prayer. Keep it simple. Open yourself completely to God. Don't dig into your little things. We are all sinners and hope for the mercy of the Savior. Why bother?
Do not set yourself mandatory rules, but on the advice of Barsanuphius the Great, do little by little, whatever you feel inclined to do: pray a little, read the Psalter or Akathist, read a little, work, take a walk (this is me on my own), and spend the day like that; If you sin, ask for forgiveness. May the Lord help you!
* * *
“As we fast, brethren, physically, we also fast spiritually...”
For the sick, infirm and old, there is no physical fasting, and it is often harmful. It is necessary to emphasize spiritual fasting: abstinence of sight, hearing, tongue, thoughts, etc. This will be a true post, useful to everyone and always.
There is no strength anyway, and physical fasting and body fatigue will not give strength at all for spiritual work.
I wish you health and spiritual sanity. May the Lord bless and strengthen you!
* * *
You attach too much importance to what they think about you, what they will say, etc. What is the significance of human judgment? What if the whole world praises someone, and the Lord says to him: “I don’t know you!” What happened to the Pharisees? It is also useless to delve into yourself and judge yourself with human judgment! Isn’t it better to always say to the publican: “God, be merciful to me, a sinner!”
Every day we read the prayer: “ God, cleanse me, a sinner, for I have done nothing good before You...
»Who composed this prayer? Do you know? Rev. Macarius of Egypt, one of the greatest fathers, who achieved spiritual perfection, while still living on earth, was also a resident of the heavenly monastery. This is how the saints of God, the friends of God, assessed themselves and their work.
And we constantly gasp and groan: “Oh, I said that wrong! Oh, how they could think of me...” As if we had just done or acted wrongly this time. And the holy father says: “ I have done nothing good before You, cleanse me, a sinner.”
».
Be healthy. Save yourself. The Lord will arrange everything, but good people. They didn't do any harm to me. Hello friends. God bless you.
* * *
Peace to you! You are still surprised that many bad things appear in your heart on one occasion or another. And I always told everyone that all passions and sins are hidden in us, they only appear under the appropriate conditions. Add to this that we are under constant fire from the devil, who instills in us all sorts of sinful thoughts, attractions, moods, etc. Be careful how dangerous you are walking. Moreover, be sure to stand and be careful, lest you fall.
We should not expect sinlessness from ourselves. We do not sin only as long as the Lord holds us, and as soon as he gives us to himself, we fall into one hole or another. That is why it is commanded to ask: “Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.”
Do not be surprised at your falls, but humble yourself and, like a tax collector, often say: “God, be merciful to me, a sinner!” People all think that this prayer is not for them, but meanwhile, according to St. fathers, no prayer is accepted by God if it does not have the mood of a tax collector. They seek high states in prayer, and this is a charm. We are so spoiled, sinful, we have such an unpayable debt to God that if we were to cry incessantly all our lives: «
God, be merciful to me, a sinner!
“
- then even then they could not consider themselves freed from debt.
In addition to the sinful debt, there is also a debt of gratitude to the Lord. A million lives would not be enough to pay this debt! Therefore, all that remains is to humble ourselves, to realize that it is not our works that save us, but the incomprehensible mercy of God, and in the hope of this mercy cry out: “Lord have mercy! God, be merciful to me, a sinner!” If you humble
yourself
, you will ascend
into the Kingdom of God.
Be patient and trust not in yourself, but in the Lord. Sorry. God bless you.
Letters to Elena Vitalievna[30]30 A parishioner from the Kozelsk intelligentsia.
[Close]
1956
Peace to you, dear Elena Vitalievna!
Thank you very much for the book and your work. Your handwriting is very good, I can read it perfectly. I read the entire book very quickly, in a hurry, superficially. Then I’ll read it more thoroughly. My first impression is bad. In any case, this book cannot in any way serve as a guide to teaching the Jesus Prayer, as the author himself knows. For those familiar with the teachings of St. fathers about the Jesus Prayer, this book is perhaps useless, and for those unfamiliar it can be useful only in that it will interest them in doing this, but it can also cause harm, because the presentation is very unsystematic and creates confusion in the head and dreaminess in the heart.
We need to learn prayer and Christianity in general from Ignatius Brianchaninov. There is no better teacher for our time. But it has also become almost inaccessible to modern Christians.
Perhaps we will meet and talk about the name of Jesus. If you come across books about name-glorifying people, you will read about it there. I will say this briefly: it seems to me that the name of God or Jesus should be treated as an icon of the Savior or the Holy Trinity and the like.
The Seventh Ecumenical Council legalized the veneration of holy icons, but decided to venerate them not as the person who is depicted, but only as a reminder of what is depicted, but to venerate them as sacred objects. If the Lord is everywhere and fulfills everything, then even more so in His name or in an icon. Anyone who honors God also honors His name. But it is not the name of Jesus Christ that saves a person, but Christ Himself, and he does not save everyone, but whoever believes in Him and is baptized, and lives according to His commandments, and repents of violations.
The more the saints of God loved the Lord, the more dear the name of God became to them. This is where the misunderstanding comes from. The Lord is present in the name of God, but the name of God is not God Himself, as the name-glorifiers said, and it is not the name that saves, but the Lord, present in the name. By calling on the name of God, we call on God and by Him, by God, we are saved, and not by a combination of sounds of His name.
Sorry. Thank you again, I wrote hastily, but I hope you get the idea. Warm greetings to all sisters.
* * *
8/IV–61
Christ is Risen!
Elena Vitalievna, thank you and everyone who congratulated me on the Holiday. I wish everyone health and salvation and all kindnesses from the Lord.
Tell Marisha that I really sympathize with her illness. I really wish that the Lord would give her the patience to bear the cross placed on her without grumbling. Through many sorrows we must enter into the Kingdom of God.
Whoever wants to be saved must bear his cross until death!
May God help her!
* * *
24/VII–63
You wanted to receive a blessing from a sick person. May the Lord bless you with every blessing on earth and in heaven, may He give you the Christian death of life and the joy of salvation, joy forever. For the Lord and His grace, neither space nor time is an obstacle. I do not advise either you or anyone else from Kozelsk to come here. I have no time for conversations anymore, and there’s no point in coming and groaning, and it’s a burden for those around me. And there is enough trouble with me and with family and friends from Moscow, etc., who visit without permission.
Convey to all your friends my good wishes and God’s blessing, indestructible and eternal. Greetings to you and everyone from me and all of us. Sorry. Save yourself.
Letters to Olga NekrasovaChavchavadze
20/I–58
Peace to you, wanderer, and salvation!
I received your letter. I am glad that you were well received and accommodated; I’m even more glad that the people there turned out to be good. Although they do not completely satisfy you, you have not yet gotten to know them properly, and we cannot demand from people what we would like. You should be reprimanded for some phrases about new acquaintances, but for the first time you can be forgiven if you repent.
I don’t like the phrases: “At times such terrible melancholy and hopelessness attack me...”, “I alone am completely and hopelessly mired...” Do you accurately describe your condition? Even if it is accurate, that is, without exaggeration and confusion of different states, then the question still arises, what causes this state? You yourself know that there can be a lot of reasons. Spiritual dissatisfaction should not be expressed in such a state. I’m giving you, excuse me, unsolicited advice: be very strict with yourself in various internal states. You can deceive and deceive yourself, deceive your confessor and really get bogged down in delusion, which is deceiving yourself. Enough about that for now.
“Alone I will be completely and hopelessly mired...” You are not yet alone, but with God. Don't rely on princes
people...
Seek the Kingdom of God, and all things will be added to you.
Everything - material support, books, and even people, everything that can serve the cause of salvation.
Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will not pass away
, says the Lord. If only man would not fall away from God, if only he would not mix all sorts of earthly aspirations, and, most importantly, lies, into the matter of salvation.
Regarding people experienced in spiritual work, one can say the opinion of Ignatius Brianchaninov and many others that they can hardly be found at the present time. It’s good if there are like-minded people. You need to look primarily for support in books. If there are like-minded and more experienced people, at least due to age, then their advice should be taken, and then with reasoning and verification. The path of salvation is simple: believe in Christ, fulfill the commandments (this includes constant prayer) and repent of every slightest violation of any commandment. You especially shouldn’t condemn or upset your neighbors.
Confess and receive communion as often as possible. It is better to confess to hieromonks rather than to secular ones. We ourselves complicate the path of salvation with our passions, lies, self-justification and self-deception. Bare your soul completely before God, reveal your weaknesses to Him, and the Lord will forgive, enlighten and comfort you in a way you cannot even imagine.
May the Lord bless you and enlighten you to all good things.
PS You introduced me to the external side of your life, but I know nothing about the internal side, judging only by some of your phrases. If I'm wrong about anything, forgive me. For example, I strongly want to tell you: never say anything bad or ironic about anyone or, at least, about those living there. Your words may not even be conveyed out of malice or hostility, but simply out of inattention or as a joke - and now, you have acquired an enemy for yourself. For the sake of God and your benefit and well-being, fulfill this request both there and anywhere.
* * *
8/II–58
Don’t be discouraged because you see yourself as bad. It's not bad. Everyone bears the oldness of the first Adam, whether they see it or not. You do not yet have a spiritual vision of your sins; this is a matter for the future. It is enough if you recognize and feel individual sins, from which you need to be cleansed by repentance. We all fell so hard, sin nests so deeply in us, it is so diverse, often subtle and poisonous, that the holy saints repented and cried until their death. And the Lord did not set a limit to repentance.
By repentance the soul is cleansed, and by fulfilling the commandments the grace of God is attracted into it. You ask what you should do in these circumstances. If you wish, try following the following advice.
1) Live there for now, performing your duties in the best possible way.
2) Consider yourself inferior to everyone and try to serve everyone as much as possible. At the very least, do not insult anyone with your words, thoughts, or appearance. Do not judge anyone alone, much less with anyone; and when the opportunity and the opportunity present themselves, do good to the person.
3) Try to pay attention to yourself and every minute, in deed, word, and thought, to fulfill the commandments of the Gospel, driving away every sinful thought and every dream by invoking the name of the Lord Jesus Christ.
4) Every day, waking up from sleep, follow the following rule given by Bishop. Ignatius Brianchaninov to a certain girl who wanted to study Christianity experimentally (hereinafter Ignatius Brianchaninov):
“20 prostrations to the ground, with each prostration the prayer “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner”; 20 bows from the waist with the same prayer; 10 bows to the ground, with each bow the prayer: “My Most Holy Lady Theotokos, save me, a sinner.” 10 bows from the waist with the same prayer. 5 bows from the waist with the prayer: “O Angel of God, my holy Guardian, pray to God for me, a sinner.” 5 bows from the waist with the prayer: “All saints, pray to God for me, a sinner.”
A total of 70 bows, of which 30 are to the ground and 40 are from the waist. If you find that these bows are not enough for you, then you can add, according to your strength, several bows with the Jesus Prayer. But the rule must be proportioned so that it is the same every day. The saints said: “It is better to do a little work, but constantly, than a big work, but soon stop.”
After this, read the morning prayers, the Apostle and the Gospel. If you have a free hour during the day, you can repeat the rule with bows or just make 20 bows to the ground and 20 bows from the waist with the Jesus Prayer.
In the evenings one should begin again with bows in the above order and number; after them read evening prayers and the Gospel. Having gone to bed, one should remember death, the image of which is a temporary sleep, and, having renounced all thoughts and dreams, go to sleep with the Jesus Prayer.” (Ignatiy Brianchaninov is here.)
Remember the words of the Savior: Learn from Me, for I am meek and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
Learn, make the commandments of Christ the property of the whole soul (and not just memory), so that they are expressed in all thoughts, words, deeds, in all life - then you will truly become a disciple of Christ, you will
understand the miracles of
His
and you will find peace in your soul
.
Next, I will answer some of the questions in your letter.
The Lord Jesus Christ came to earth and brought His Gospel in order to leaven the human soul with a new, divine leaven and make us His children, gods by grace. You are Gods by nature and sons of the Most High, although you have taken vengeance upon senseless beasts
their
carnal passions, and even demons - according to their spiritual passions.
We must fight them with God’s help, in any case, realize their presence in our soul, mourn our fall and beg the Lord, like a publican, for mercy.
When you get to know yourself a little, understand your powerlessness to become what you should be, then you will stop judging anyone, much less despising them. You can’t run away from yourself and from the devil.
We must not run, but with God’s help we must fight. You must hide your struggle, virtues and your spiritual structure from everyone, reveal it only to your confessor or a spiritually experienced person, otherwise you can greatly harm yourself and seduce others.
I am glad that you promise not to make fun of your neighbors, however, you immediately use the following expression: “someone surprisingly good and good-quality (?) person.” Is this irony or ignorance of the Russian language?
You are at such an age that a lot of dissatisfaction, unaccountable melancholy and the like can arise naturally and when fueled by demons. They will force you to move from place to place, live “like everyone else,” arrange your earthly happiness, and so on. So you have to make a choice. It is better to choose according to the strength and attraction of the soul, than to choose beyond your strength, and then become burdened and despondent. The Gospel says that before building, one must calculate whether there are funds for it.
Everything will follow
, if you actively
seek the Kingdom of God,
and not sit back and wait, for it is said:
seek, knock, ask
, but it is not said: lie down and wait, and you will receive everything.
If you do not dissemble and lie before God, yourself and me, then I will never push you away, and although I myself do nothing good, I will willingly share everything I know.
Once again I advise: hide your mental states from everyone, feel sorry for everyone, pray for your enemies (at least with your mind, if your heart does not listen), and the Lord will not leave you.
Be healthy. May the Lord protect you and bless you and enlighten you to all good things.
* * *
25/III–1958
I received your disturbing letters. Don't feel embarrassed about accepting a new position. The Monk Barsanuphius the Great says that from the course of affairs we must discern God’s will for us. You didn’t come up with anything for yourself. The family needs to be helped with all our might. May the Lord help you. Don't be embarrassed that you won't have much time for yourself. You are aware of your insensitivity, although you have a lot of relatively free time. Or it may happen that with less freedom the insensibility disappears. We ourselves cannot do anything or take anything by force. We must take it with humility and submission to the will of God. God opposes the proud
and
gives grace to the humble
.
How to reconcile? A person himself cannot acquire this property. It is necessary in everything: both in small things and in large things - to recognize your weakness and limitations, your powerlessness, your “decrepitness” and “fleshness” and use each manifestation of them to your advantage - to reproach yourself, to consider yourself an unfit and indecent servant of God, constantly in need of God's mercy and help. It’s good that you see your shortcomings, they are much worse, and there are more of them than you see, but because of this you should not become despondent, hopeless or even despair. This should bring humility and does bring all those who strive for the Lord. The words: loving
The Lord
all strives for good,
that is, it serves the benefit of the soul. Without shortcomings and weaknesses, we would be proud.
Regarding the understanding of certain books: neither a place nor a person will help if you yourself do not grow to understand. By forcing oneself to do the commandments of the Gospel and repenting of every sin, a person’s soul is cleansed and grows spiritually. There is no other way.
Don't think that I can be particularly useful to you. Only due to age and inevitable life experience can I share this experience with you if necessary. And the guidance that both you and I need can hardly be found anywhere now. I haven’t found it in my entire life and I’m guided only by books, of which I especially value, you know which ones.
It takes time for a tree to grow from a seed and bear fruit; To ferment the old man with new leaven, even more time and labor is needed. It is impossible to forcefully speed up the process; it can only be damaged by artificial measures. The Lord knows what is useful and necessary for a person, and gives it to the seeker even against his will, since a person often mistakenly wants something that is not what he needs at a given time.
May the Lord enlighten you to all good things. Bear the burdens of people, do not condemn anyone, do good to everyone according to your strength for the sake of the Lord, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
Lord,
the measure pressed down, shaken down.
Don’t be embarrassed by anything, trust in God’s help. The Lord takes pity on us and loves us more than we love ourselves.
* * *
17/IV–58
Christ is Risen!
I received your sad letter. You know the spiritual law: Through many sorrows one must enter into the Kingdom of God; you will be in a world of sorrow; in patience
(tribulations)
win your souls
, etc. This must be firmly understood by every believer. The God-man endured spitting, beatings, strangulations and other insults, the terrible Cross and death; The weapon pierced the Mother of God’s soul and revolved in Her heart during the entire time of the Savior’s suffering. What did the apostles, martyrs, confessors, saints and other true followers of Christ endure?
If anyone wants to follow Me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and come after Me.
If you sincerely want to follow Jesus Christ, then there is no other way except the path He indicated: external sorrows, bodily illnesses, and constant struggle with one’s passions, which manifest themselves in the most varied ways. There are obvious passions: gluttony, various types of fornication, love of money, sadness, despondency, anger, vanity, pride, unbelief, envy, deceit, condemnation of neighbors, etc., etc. With all of them, the disciple of Christ has to fight, overcome and conquer, and this requires effort and patience. This is often a real torment, a cross from which you cannot escape. One of two things - either a person surrenders to them without a fight, betrays Christ, choosing the world and his life, or he fights, suffers and through this grows spiritually.
Your state, about which you write in a hint, is also passion, a property of the old man, but through the cunning of the enemy, always hiding, disguised and complicated by all sorts of impurities. The demons, although darkened by the fall, retained their angelic mind and other abilities to some extent. They have perfectly studied the physical and mental properties of a person, they have access to the body and nerves, to the human brain; They also act on spiritual qualities and manifestations, always acting for evil and to the destruction of a person. Since a person sees obvious passions and also the harm from them, demons try to confuse everything, to give special meaning to a person’s experiences, strengthen one, weaken another in order to mislead a person, give passion special deep meanings, beautiful appearance, etc., and etc. Their cunning, deceit, lies, all kinds of techniques for seducing and destroying a person are innumerable.
We, beginners, inexperienced, without spiritual leaders, need to know one thing: we ourselves cannot overcome and conquer passions and demons, but we must, however, fight them to the best of our ability and constantly call on the Lord for help during falls. Bypassed me
(enemies and passions),
and in the name of the Lord I resisted them.
Neither you yourself can overcome them with your own strength, nor another person, especially, can help you overcome them, but only the Lord. Consequently, we must pray more with reverence, with contrition of heart, confessing to the Lord our sins, passions, our powerlessness and asking for forgiveness and help. From doing this, you will soon feel calm and peace of mind, some humility and the determination to endure everything for the sake of the Lord and joy in your salvation.
I’ll say a few words about your condition, which you seem inclined to consider as belonging only to you, namely feelings of loneliness, abandonment, etc.
I have not met a single girl or single woman who did not suffer from this. This obviously lies in the nature of women. The Lord said to Eve after her fall: And your desire is for your husband.
This attraction (not only carnal, but even more psychological, and sometimes exclusively mental) obviously operates in all lonely people, being refracted and embellished unconsciously in a wide variety of ways. Taken from Adam's rib, it stretches into place to create one whole man. Don’t be offended that I’m writing this to you, but sort out your conditions. In any case, they are the properties of the old man and one must not languish in them, but fight through fasting, prayer, and moderate reading of the Holy Scriptures. fathers and the New Testament, physical work, sometimes fatigue. I'll leave it at that for now. May the Lord enlighten you to all good things, bless you and help you find the right path, your own, and reach the Kingdom of God!
* * *
June 1958
Your complaint about yourself is fair. God's mercy towards you is visible in the fact that you are aware of your shortcomings. What would happen if, if you had them, you considered yourself good? Consciousness of one's sins is the first step to victory over them. Therefore, your conclusion: “...do not throw beads... even at a cannon shot...”, etc., is false. Do not seek from yourself ahead of time what will surely come in due time if you follow the right path. You will not demand from your child that he master the sciences of secondary and high school in a year; You cannot plant an apple tree seed and expect fruit the same year. How can you, being a child in your inner man, demand from yourself the properties of an adult? The strictest reprimands with threats of punishment or complete sterility are prohibited from seeking high states ahead of time.
The right path leading to salvation is to act in small and large things, in internal and external life, according to the commandments of Christ, and to correct violations with sincere heartfelt repentance. And since it is said by the Truth Itself: Without Me you cannot do anything good,
- then you should turn to our Savior for help and healing as often as possible, that is, pray more often externally and internally, asking for help, then forgiveness, revealing all your weaknesses and your powerlessness.
If you do this, then learn
the prayer of the publican: “God, be merciful to me, a sinner,” and then the Jesus Prayer.
Do not condemn anyone, but have pity on every sinner, for the Lord loves him too and wants to save him, just as he does for you. One cannot condemn and despise the one whom the Lord justifies and loves. With the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
Compose in your heart the words of the Holy Spirit from the Gospel and St. fathers.
May the Lord enlighten you to all good things. Do not be discouraged if you fall into any temptation or error. To the loving
Everything will work for the good
of the Lord Peace and salvation to you!
Your companion in the things above.
* * *
26/VIII–58
“It’s hard for me to think that you are angry with me, although there is a reason.” What prompted this phrase of yours? Not only am I not angry, but I really sympathize with you, I feel sorry for you and with all my heart I wish you to firmly take the right path, steadily follow it and achieve your goal - the Kingdom of God.
But you should know that this path is in our heart; in other words, the staircase, about which Rev. writes in such detail. John Climacus. Briefly say: the true spiritual path leads to God through humility. Learn from Me, for I am meek and lowly in heart, and you will find peace for your souls.
Our peace does not lie in a change of place or other external conditions, but in an internal change, in the acquisition of meekness and humility.
These properties cannot be acquired in solitude or where everyone loves and respects us. The Lord knows what to send us to help us achieve salvation. Let us accept from the hand of God everything that happens to us and endure what we have until the Lord deigns to change it to something else. A mother does not care about her child as much as the Lord cares about us.
May the Lord help you “direct your attention to real evil,” as you write and, I think, understand correctly, and eradicate it from your heart and plant good things!
May God's blessing be with you always.
* * *
September 1958
Thank you for bowing on my behalf to Ignatius Brianchaninov. These days my thoughts often turned to you, I could not explain it. Now it is clear. I think that Vladyka Ignatius remembered you and will not forget you in the future, which is what I really wish for you and myself.
You say that you would obey every word Fr. Seraphim, I’m telling you that this is your dream, not reality. A person who does not listen to God in His commandments (or rather, cannot obey in everything until he humbles himself), cannot in any way obey and fulfill the will of man in everything. The Lord is everywhere. Try to obey the Lord in the smallest things, to do in His presence what you do every day. Give it a try. Whether you sit, stand, lie, look, answer, speak, treat your neighbor, think, etc., try to do all this according to the commandment of God, as if before God Himself, for truly the Lord is everywhere. By it we live and move and have our being.
Try doing this for at least one hour. If you could listen to a person in everything, then why don’t you listen to the Lord for at least an hour every day?
Are you dreaming too much and about big things, missing out on the small, real things that are available to you? The enemy of our salvation often does this: he instills a desire for more in order to prevent us from fulfilling even the little.
Forgive the one who teaches and the one who does not create. Be healthy.
* * *
November 1958
I wish you humility and salvation!
I received your letter on 6/XI. I resolutely refuse to give you an answer to the question about changing places. I don’t know your family, I don’t know how right you are in your relationship towards them. Your confessor, Fr., knows at least something about this. Seraphim[31] 31
Hegumen Seraphim Bushuev (†1974), served in Tashkent.
[Close]. You should turn to him for advice.
I have a feeling that you are very wrong in relation to your family. You don’t have peace with them, because you don’t have the humility that peace with everyone gives and conquers everyone. Instead of blaming yourself, you blame others when you are full of "decrepitness." Solitude is not good for you. Many in solitude turned from bad people to good devils. Let this not happen to you!
You dream about a spiritual life, but do not do it, when cases arise to show faith from works, and not just a dream.
Forgive me that I dared to write this to you without knowing anything. With all my heart I wish you to find the right path and follow it.
* * *
2/XII–58
Feeling sorry for you and sincerely wishing you all the best and salvation, I will say again:
1. Never lie or be disingenuous before your confessors, before God and, if possible, with all people.
The Lord hates wickedness (the evil one is the devil) and lies (from the devil). It is clear that the evil one, while he is such, will be far from God and everything spiritual, or rather, he will be an opponent of all this.
2. All exploits, all good things should lead to humility. And if they don’t, then they are poisoned by something. Without a humble and contrite heart, the most sublime and most difficult feats are displeasing to God.
Embrace this with all your heart, mind, and will.
Be healthy. May the Lord enlighten you and arrange your salvation.
* * *
January 1959
“Crazy, homeless seagull from a distant land, where is your resting place?” The Kingdom of God is within you
.
Inside, in our hearts, is our homeland, and if we don’t find a place there, then we won’t find it anywhere, in any corner of the earth. Where you want to go, you won’t find peace, just like in any other place. Win your souls with patience!
Opportunities for patience for God’s sake are always and everywhere: at home, at work, at a party. We want to run away from obedience to God and go into obedience to people we do not know, and having found out, we will condemn and destroy ourselves, and burden others. “The King has his own will.”
* * *
27/I–59
I don’t know how it happened that you take my opinion into account on such a matter as changing your place of residence. If I express my opinion, then it is completely up to you to agree with it or not. I do not pretend at all that you will follow my advice. By its very essence, advice is advice, and not an order from someone in power.
I will try to explain why I think it is useful for you to stay at home for a while. All efforts of those who want to live spiritually must be directed towards achieving humility. Without this quality, all exploits, the greatest, are not only fruitless, but also destructive. Beginners do not and cannot see this. A small branch from a large tree is illuminated by the sun, and a person thinks that everything is already light, but, meanwhile, the whole tree is in the power of darkness and the prince of darkness (example of St. Macarius the Great). The conditions of external life must be preferred to those that constantly indicate our darkness, our complete depravity, much greater than not only worldly people, but also the so-called spiritual ones usually think. You need to know yourself completely. To know not only depravity, but also the powerlessness to correct it yourself. Then only a person will cleave to the Savior with all his soul and will cry out to Him like a drowning apostle. Peter. Then he will stop condemning other people, and with love for them will endure their shortcomings, then he will stop grumbling if he is offended, slandered, crucified, and will say sincerely: worthy according to deeds
I accept
mine . According to God's judgment, all sinners must endure some suffering as a consequence of sin. If the Lord Jesus Christ suffers grievously for our sins, then shouldn’t we grieve for our sins? If the groom is suffering, is it proper for the bride to dance and have fun at this time? (Again, the example of Macarius the Great.)
