Funeral service on the 40th day after death: rules and procedure

The 40th day after death is of great importance in the Orthodox tradition. The Church believes that it is during this period that the soul leaves the earth forever and goes to God’s judgment, which will decide its further fate. Therefore, for Christian believers, this date is considered even more significant and tragic than the time of a person’s physical death. Until the fortieth day, the soul is near people and places dear to it. She can walk near her home and appear to relatives and friends in dreams. On the 40th day, the immaterial essence of a person completes its earthly affairs and says goodbye. Now the most difficult test awaits her. She will appear before God and will account for all the deeds and sins committed during her life.

Relatives and loved ones of the deceased can help the soul get through this suffering. It is important to understand that you cannot make loud sobs and groans, or throw hysterics. The soul hears and acutely feels all the torments of loved ones, which makes its trials even more difficult and painful. Therefore, in moments of grief, it is better to read the Holy Scriptures, prayers, or silently remember bright episodes from the life of the deceased.

Rules for seeing off the soul on the 40th day

According to Orthodox custom, on this day the relatives of the deceased must come to church. It is important that both the deceased and the relatives who come to the temple are baptized. At the church you need to submit a note “On repose”. It indicates the name of the deceased, as well as the names of other deceased relatives and friends. It is also necessary to light a candle for repose and say a prayer. If a funeral or memorial service is taking place in the church at that moment, you cannot leave it immediately. You should continue to pray and wait until the priest leaves the hall first.

It is advisable to place food prepared at home on the funeral table in the temple. This is almsgiving in honor of the deceased. You can bring cookies, sweets, fruits, wine, cereals, sugar, flour, vegetable oil. But it’s better not to come to church with meat, sausage, or fish. An obligatory part of the ritual is a visit to the cemetery on the 40th day. You need to bring flowers and lamps to the grave. Flowers can be either fresh or artificial. The main thing is that their number is even.

On the fortieth day, it is customary to sort through the things of the deceased person. Items that are dear to loved ones as memories can be kept with you. The remaining items should be taken to church or distributed to those in need. This is considered a good deed, which will be counted towards the soul of the deceased when determining its fate at God's Judgment. It is absolutely forbidden to throw things away.

Other important rules for seeing off the soul:

the main thing that relatives and friends need to do is to pray for the salvation of the soul of the deceased and ask the Higher powers to be favorable to it. This should be done not only on the fortieth day, but also in the future. This will help alleviate the fate of the deceased during God's judgment;
It is advisable to at least temporarily give up bad habits - for example, drinking alcohol, smoking, gambling. This is a kind of sacrifice in the name of saving the soul of the deceased;
during the wake you cannot drink alcohol, have fun, or sing songs;
mourning clothes must be worn. They don't have to be black, as long as they aren't bright or colorful. Calm clothes in muted colors will help you restrain your emotions, not become hysterical and not give in to despondency.

Funeral lunch for 9 days: menu

This lunch can contain any food, perhaps, with the exception of those that are associated with celebration and fun, such as soda, cream puffs and cakes. However, the table can and should be rich and satisfying.

Funeral lunch for 9 days - example menu:

Borsch with sour cream.
Chicken fillet chops.
Pork cutlets.
Fish baked in foil.
Greek salad.
Salad with cheese and rice.
Pancakes with honey.
Compote, or better yet jelly.

Prayer for the 9th memorial day is important, but it is also important to show mercy to people. One of the traditions is to distribute donuts at funerals. Below we will tell you how to prepare funeral crumpets for 9 days; we suggest taking recipes so that the dough turns out airy and sweet.

Kefir donuts

To prepare the dish you will need the following ingredients:

Funeral donuts for 9 days

Kefir and sour cream are mixed with soda and left for 10 minutes.
Beat the egg, vanillin, vegetable oil and salt.
Then mix the egg mixture with kefir.
Finally add flour and lemon zest. The dough should not take long; the egg white may shrink due to acidity.
The dough is rolled out and circles are pressed out using a mug.
The donuts are fried over moderate heat in vegetable oil.
Before serving, they are sprinkled with powdered sugar.

VIDEO: Kefir donuts

Funeral donuts for 9 days: recipes with yogurt

Donuts do not have to be prepared according to old recipes. Products such as yogurt and ready-made baking powder will also be appropriate.

VIDEO: Donuts with yogurt

The procedure for holding a wake on the 40th day

According to Orthodox traditions, the more sincere prayers and kind words are said about the deceased on the fortieth day after death, the easier it will be for both the deceased and the grieving relatives. Therefore, great importance is attached to the funeral dinner. Relatives, close friends and acquaintances of the deceased person are invited to attend. You can call his mentors, students, colleagues. The Church reminds that all invitees must be Orthodox believers. It is believed that those who do not believe in God are not able to help the soul of the deceased.

It is important to note that according to church canons, the wake does not have to be celebrated strictly on the fortieth day. You can choose a convenient date a little earlier or later so that it is convenient for most people to come to lunch. At the same time, it is strictly prohibited to move the memorial service in the church and the commemoration to the cemetery. The priests also recommend that on this day, giving out treats and alms in honor of the deceased to strangers.

Parents' memorial days: dates of parents' Saturdays and Radonitsa for 2021

It is important to remember your deceased loved ones, but the funeral liturgy and prayers are even more necessary for those who have no one to remember. Someone found his death and was not buried according to Christian custom, someone simply has no one to remember, and someone died so long ago that his name has already been forgotten and lost through the centuries. The 2021 calendar of memorial days will tell you the days on which it is worth stopping and remembering the dead, your family members and all other people who are no longer alive.

Parents' memorial days - dates of parents' Saturdays and Radonitsa for 2021:

2 ecumenical parental Saturdays are circled in red - Meat and Trinity .

These days, special services are held in churches, the purpose of which is to facilitate the existence in the afterlife of all Christians since the time of Adam and Eve. Meatless Saturday got its name because it is followed by Meatless Sunday - the day when Orthodox Christians begin to prepare for Lent and “release” meat. After this parental Saturday comes the joyful holiday of Maslenitsa, but Meat Saturday already forces us to gather, pray for the dead, realize that our earthly path is not eternal and prepare for Lent.
The second universal parental Saturday, Trinity, falls on the Saturday before Trinity . Scripture says that on the Day of the Holy Trinity an Angel descended to the Apostles, who gave them the power to preach. This day is considered the birthday of the Church. And on the eve it is customary to serve an ecumenical memorial service, during which prayers are raised to heaven for the souls of all deceased Orthodox Christians.

Parents' memorial days: dates of parents' Saturdays and Radonitsa for 2021.

Memorial days or parental Saturdays in 2021

Parental Saturdays that fall during Lent are indicated in orange on the calendars . During this period, there are few days when full services are held in churches, which means there is an opportunity to pray for the dead. In order not to deprive the departed of prayers, the church has specially designated days, or parental Saturdays, on which commemoration is performed.
Special days of remembrance are highlighted in green. On May 9, services are held in churches to commemorate those who died during the Great Patriotic War.
Radonitsa in the Orthodox calendar is designated on Tuesday after St. Thomas Sunday, in other words, on Tuesday, a week after Easter. Radonitsa still remains one of the most controversial customs. It has two meanings: on the one hand, around these days, our ancestors also had a day of remembrance in the pre-Christian era. On the other hand, Christian tradition excludes memorial services for a whole week after Easter, since this is a very bright holiday. If a person dies during this period, he is buried in a special way. And Radonitsa is one of the dates officially recognized by the church, on which days funeral dinners should be held at home, alms should be given to the poor and people should go to the cemetery.
The 2021 calendar of memorial days also includes a special memorial service on September 11 , the Day of the Beheading of John the Baptist. The tradition of commemorating fallen soldiers on this day was approved by Catherine II. This date is often ignored in modern worship.
Dmitrievskaya Parents' Saturday falls on the Saturday before Dmitriev's Day ( November 6 ). Initially, it was a day of remembrance for the soldiers who fell on the Kulikovo Field, but gradually turned into a day of remembrance for all the dead.

For more information about the important dates of the Orthodox church calendar, read the articles:

Calendar of fasting, parental Saturdays and full weeks in 2021: dates.
Orthodox church wedding calendar for 2021: favorable days, beautiful dates for weddings in 2021, signs for weddings

What to cook on the 40th day?

The purpose of a funeral meal is to remember the deceased person and help his soul rest in peace. Food is not the main component of lunch, so it is not necessary to set a rich table and feed the people who come with delicacies. When creating a menu, you need to follow several important rules:

An obligatory attribute of the funeral table is kutia. It is prepared from rice or millet, as well as pancakes without filling. In Orthodox traditions, kutia has an important sacred meaning. It helps to comprehend the frailty of existence and alleviate the bitterness of the loss of a loved one;
it is advisable to bake pies with different fillings in accordance with the long-standing funeral custom of Christians;
if the fortieth day falls on fasting, meat dishes should be excluded from the menu. If not, then it is recommended to prepare simple meat dishes, such as cutlets or cabbage rolls;
It is allowed to serve fish in various forms. These can be both first and second courses. Fish is one of the important symbols of the Christian faith, so there are practically no restrictions on its preparation;
For salads, it is better to choose lean dressings. It is advisable to exclude the use of mayonnaise and other artificial sauces;
Traditionally, the deceased’s favorite dish is prepared on the fortieth day;
Do not overfill the table with sweets. It is enough to put on the table several plates with cheesecakes, cherry pies, cookies and sweets;
Compote, bread kvass, fruit drink, berry jelly, and lemonade are good drinks for a funeral meal.

Visiting a temple during days of mourning

The extent to which prayer for the dead is necessary during the Divine Liturgy can be judged from several cases. When Theodosius of Chernigov was not glorified as a saint, Elder Alexy dozed off at the relics. During his sleep, the Saint appeared to him. He asked the elder to remember the saint’s parents during the Liturgy. And he called them by name (Nikita and Maria).

“How can you, saint, ask for my prayers, when you yourself stand before the Heavenly Throne and give people God’s grace?” – Hieromonk Alexy asked.

“Yes, this is true,” answered Saint Theodosius, “but the offering at the Liturgy is stronger than my prayers.”

This is how important it is to pray for the repose of the soul in church during the Liturgy.

Saint Gregory the Great answers, “is there anything that could be useful to souls after death”:

“The holy sacrifice of Christ, our saving Sacrifice, is of great benefit to souls even after death, provided that their sins can be forgiven in the hereafter. Therefore, the souls of the departed sometimes ask that the Liturgy be served for them... Naturally, it is safer to do for ourselves during our lifetime what we hope others will do for us after death. It is better to exodus free than to seek freedom while being in chains. Therefore we must despise this world with all our hearts, as if its glory had passed away, and daily offer to God the sacrifice of our tears as we offer up His sacred Flesh and Blood. Only this sacrifice has the power to save the soul from eternal death, for it mysteriously represents to us the death of the Only Begotten Son” (IV; 57, 60).

How to remember a relative and what to say at the funeral?

Those gathered at the funeral table remember not only the deceased, but also other deceased relatives or friends. The deceased himself must be spoken of as if he were also present at the dinner. The funeral speech must be delivered standing. First, according to generally accepted norms, the deceased should be honored with a minute of silence.

It is advisable to appoint a host (preferably a good family friend) who will oversee the funeral meal. He must ensure calm and order at the table, ensure that those invited in the order of priority say kind words about the deceased. The host prepares phrases in advance that can defuse the situation, distract guests, or smooth out the situation if funeral speeches begin to be interrupted by tears or strong emotions.

When commemorating a deceased person, talking about the personal lives of those invited or the illnesses of family members is not allowed. Issues of inheritance cannot be raised. It is important to remember that a wake is a farewell for the soul to another world, a way to help it make this difficult transition. Therefore, the funeral table is not the best place to share news or tell others about your problems.

VIDEO: About the need to remember the dead without paying attention to dates

There is also a church legend that goes from mouth to mouth, which says that the funeral menu and rules for 40 days were invented for a reason. They say that the soul of the deceased does not immediately go to another world, but speeches and words on the memorial day must be kind and are especially important on these days.

They say that for 3 days after death the soul of the deceased remains near the body.
After the 3rd day, the soul of the deceased goes to heaven. And there he remains until the 9th day, in beauty, luxury and surrounded by Angels. The figure of 9 days echoes the fact that there are 9 angelic ranks. However, if the soul of the deceased was sinful, the divine beauty of the heavenly chambers begins to depress it.
From day 9 to day 40 the soul goes to hell. This figure also echoes the biblical scripture, which says that Jesus resurrected on the third day after his crucifixion, then appeared to the apostles for 40 days. And on the 40th day, in his earthly flesh, he ascended to heaven and his body became divine and invisible to the human eye. The Orthodox world celebrates this event with the Feast of the Ascension.

Folk signs and traditions of funerals on the 40th day

There are a large number of both Christian traditions and folk signs associated with funerals. The main ones:

within forty days from the death of a loved one, you cannot cut your hair or wear dirty or unkempt clothes;
During the funeral meal, you should not use sharp cutlery - knives and forks;
crumbs from the funeral table are not thrown into the trash. They must be collected and taken to the grave of the deceased;
guests can bring their own food;
at night after the funeral, you need to close the windows and doors tightly, do not cry or become hysterical. It is believed that this can attract the soul of the deceased and complicate its transition to the next world;
many people put a photograph of the deceased on the nightstand, and leave a glass of vodka covered with a piece of bread next to it;
until the fortieth day, all reflective objects in the house of the deceased must be covered;
at the funeral table, it is advisable to allocate a place for the deceased and bring food and drinks there;
Until forty days have passed, you cannot turn off the lights in the house, clean it, or sleep in the place of the deceased.

Another common sign is that you should not bite seeds until the forties. According to popular beliefs, this attracts devils and evil spirits. It is also believed that by gnawing the seeds, you can spit on the soul of the deceased.

Memorial days after a funeral: how to count correctly among Orthodox Christians?

When 9 days pass after the funeral, how do you count memorial dinners on which days? When is it especially important to pray for the soul of the deceased and say words on the memorial day? Such questions are very often asked by loved ones of a deceased relative. And there really is something to think about, because days 9 and 40 are calculated taking into account the day of death. And the memorial date turns out to be 1 day less than if you simply added 9 to the date of death.

For example, a person died on December 1, this means that nine days after his death will be December 9. And not December 10, as in ordinary arithmetic, when 1+9=10.

Memorial days after a funeral - how to count correctly for Orthodox Christians? Use the rule - date of death plus nine days and minus one.

The funeral menu and rules for 40 days are also timed to coincide with the date, which is calculated in a similar way.

For example, a person passed away on December 1, December has 31 days. We take into account that the day of death is also counted, and we get that 31 days from the moment of death passed in December. There are still 9 days short of forty days, we add them and we get that 40 days will be on January 9th.

Please note that you need to count 9 and 40 days from the day of death, and not from the day of the funeral.

Memorial days after a funeral, how to count correctly for Orthodox Christians? What is the meaning behind these dates? This question is complex, the video below expresses the opinion that time exists only for the living, and the souls of the dead live in a world where there is no time. And it’s good for them that they are remembered with a kind word, they pray for them, and funeral services are held. It makes no difference at what point in time this happens.

Magpies and their meaning in culture

The frequency of private funerals among various Slavic tribes (the Slavs could celebrate the twelfth day, the twentieth, and three weeks) was due to the fact that, according to the ideas of that time, until the fortieth day the soul of the deceased was on earth. She can return to the house and yard, from where she left on the third and ninth days (retina and deyatiny, respectively), hovers near the grave, walks where the deceased was during his lifetime. All the ritualism of this period was associated with the stages of the departure of the soul, its farewell and a kind of prevention of the return of the deceased, so that he would not return and in any way begin to annoy the living. In this sense, the forties were something of a final point: if on the third day the soul of the deceased left the house, and on the ninth - the yard, then on the fortieth it finally left the earth. If everything was done correctly and according to tradition, so that the soul remained satisfied with its farewell, then the living could be calm: the deceased became their protector and no longer bothered them.

Christianity supported this tradition, but not only because its distributors aimed to introduce pagans to the new religion in various ways. The Christian tradition had its own meaning for the fortieth day, largely formed under the influence of the funeral customs of the Middle Eastern tribes. For example, according to the Bible, the fortieth day is:

day of the ascension of Jesus Christ.
the day of the third repose of the soul before God, which finally determines its afterlife fate and the place where it will remain until the Last Judgment.
the last day of mourning for the forefather Jacob and the prophet Moses.
the last day of fasting, after which Moses received from God the tablets of the Covenant with the Ten Commandments.
the day when the prophet Elijah reached Mount Horeb (Sinai).

It is not difficult to see some very significant intersections between Christian and pagan Slavic ideas about the fortieth day, due to which at one time there was a relatively easy adaptation of one culture to another in this regard.

Order of remembrance

In addition, in many areas the following customs were followed:

make the bed for the deceased on the bench/bed where he slept. After the fortieth day, it was taken to church or distributed to the poor. In addition, the ban on lying down alive in this place or occupying it in any other way was lifted.
hang a towel by the window in the house or on the street so that the soul can dry itself. After forty, they did the same thing with him as with the bed.
hang a spruce paw outside so that the deceased can recognize his home, and those passing by so that he can be remembered, and a towel/ribbon/cord, which was used to tie the hands and feet of a deceased person at a funeral. After the funeral, they were taken to the graveyard or burned.
visit the cemetery and arrange a wake right there, inviting those who dug the grave on the day of the funeral (Smolensk region).

On the eve of the forties in some areas it was customary:

to heat a bathhouse (in Zaonezhye), and also to go to the cemetery, remove wreaths from the grave and burn them, thereby symbolizing the last day of grief for the deceased. Particularly earnest lamentation was associated with him during the wake on the fortieth day.
pour the millet, where the candle stood for all forty days, onto the grave or behind the back gate “for the birds” along with reading a prayer, standing facing towards the sunset (Vladimir region).
organize night vigils with the reading of prayers and spiritual poems and a funeral dinner, which then turned into a wake in the cemetery and a funeral meal at home (Smolensk region).
bake cookies in the form of a “staircase” with seven jumper steps along which the soul rises to heaven, and after lunch go to the cemetery, seeing off the soul (some southern Russian regions).
treat all residents of the village (Ryazan region) with jelly and satoy (honey diluted with water) near the gate.
Having bowed three times, eat and distribute drachens, pancakes, kanun (northwestern regions, possibly Ryazan region) at crossroads.
open the gates and bow with lamentations to all directions of the world, starting from the east (Tambov region).

In addition, as we have already mentioned, many prohibitions on mourning were lifted, which was customary to observe until the fortieth day (in fact, mourning itself was, by and large, considered completed). For example, after the forties it was allowed:

touch and decorate the grave.
leaving the house empty and locking it.
touch the clothes of the deceased.
turn off the lights (in some areas).
to lie down/on the bed/bench that the deceased occupied during his lifetime (and even more so to sleep on it).
remove mourning decorations from the house, remove curtains from mirrors and reflective objects.
distribute or even burn the clothes of the deceased.

The official church, of course, disapproved of such customs, considering them relics of paganism and pointing out that the only thing you need to do on the fortieth day, besides the wake, is prayers in order to atone for the sins of the deceased and ease his afterlife. However, she did not prohibit these manifestations of grief, preferring to explain to her parishioners the features of commemoration on the fortieth day according to Christian canons. It was especially pointed out:

modesty and restraint in the preparation and decoration of the funeral meal.
avoidance of alcohol.
the undesirability of eating a funeral dinner in a cemetery.
avoiding, if possible, excessive grief for the deceased, especially its external manifestations.

This position of Orthodox clergy has been preserved to this day, and it should be noted that many psychics agree with it (especially its last point). In their opinion, the deceased becomes very uncomfortable when relatives mourn them too much.

Sometimes the deceased may even come to them in a dream with a request to “let him go” and not to grieve for him so much, because he is “wet to lie.”

You can have different attitudes to the opinion of psychics, but in any case, in our opinion, this is a good reason to think about the acceptable degree of grief for the deceased for the living.

Menu forties

Kutya with honey is a porridge made from wheat grains, pearl barley or barley, which were eventually replaced by rice. When preparing it, you can also use poppy seeds, raisins, nuts, milk, jam, and sometimes bird cherry. Kutya on the funeral table is a symbol of resurrection and the cycle of life, and by eating it, a person, as it were, partakes of this cycle and becomes part of it. Each of its elements not only symbolizes something different, but is also something like a wish for prosperity, sweetness, pleasure and a high harvest. It is allowed to cook both rich kutia, which includes all of the above components, and poor one. There is no single recipe for kutya; all recipes are similar to each other, but at the same time they differ depending on the regions.
meat broth with meatballs, noodle soup or borscht - again, depending on where you live.
rich (or lean) pancakes. The fundamental difference between them is that lean pancakes are made not with milk, but with water.
potatoes with meat, usually stewed or mashed, served as a side dish. If desired, this dish can be replaced with buckwheat porridge.
cutlets or chicken.
some fish dish, usually fried fish.
dried fruit compote or jelly.