Is there any possibility of consolation? What should it be - reading the Bible, participating in the Sacraments?
Only those who have experienced a similar tragedy and found consolation in something, for example, in reading the Bible or in the Sacraments, have the moral right to give advice to people who have lost what is most precious to them. I don’t have such experience, so I can’t say anything. Here, in my opinion, it’s not so much words that are needed, but personal participation; it’s not so much about talking as it is about listening, absorbing what you hear, and simply being close to the person. So that he can cry on your shoulder and know that you won’t say all sorts of clever things, but just cry with him.
And to advise something like this from a distance, from the outside, in my opinion, is a very dubious activity.
Children are a reflection of their parents, especially young ones.
Most illnesses in children are related to their family situation. No matter how the parents deny it and no matter how “good” the family may be at first glance, everyone has their own “cockroaches and skeletons in the closet”, this is normal, because... is part of the earthly experience. When digging deep, parents still find themselves directly responsible for the child’s condition, be it in this or other lives (more so in this one). Usually this concerns illnesses and illnesses, and illness for a child can be called a little death.
Life is a series of small deaths from which life begins again
I have already written in detail on these topics: Family relationships, control and suppression of children / Metaphysics of children's illnesses. Vitiligo / Metaphysics of diseases / Diseases and their causes
As our studies of childhood diseases have shown, illnesses often develop due to the inattention of the soul itself when choosing a body or tasks before incarnation. The chosen conditions turn out to be too complicated, especially if the clan has been severely fined and its branch needs to be stretched out and the karma of the ancestors worked off. Usually, a lack of experience in physical worlds plays a role here, but there are also plenty of deceptive ways with traps, although at some level the lesson was still discussed. I will publish the results of the study later, but for now
Can an ordinary priest console such grief?
“Ordinary” is unlikely. But an experienced, sensitive person, capable of empathizing with the grief of others - yes, he can. There are amazing words in the New Testament: ... the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which God comforts us! (2 Cor 1:3-4). A very important idea is expressed here: it turns out that only those who have experienced grief themselves, received consolation from God and are now able to share it with other sufferers can console. If a priest has such personal experience of grief and consolation in it, then he can console others. Such a priest will find places in the Bible that will help to survive grief, and will properly prepare a person for the Sacraments.
The priesthood itself does not make a person capable of helping in such troubles. This does not come immediately and not to everyone.
Guardian Children
Many children now come as guardians of their incarnated parents if they were unable to reach them from the subtle plane. If you can’t get through here, then the very meaning of incarnation may be lost (or the task is completed in full), but the soul will always form a way out of physics.
Moreover, sometimes the child’s soul decides to leave the physical. world, to ensure the reassembly of the parents’ consciousness, because many sleep so deeply that only severe stress can wake them up. This stress in a person’s life usually becomes a serious illness or loss, only then do people begin to think about the reasons for what happened and look for answers.
Of course, in such cases we are talking about extreme measures and this is far from the only reason, but it is just as common as children with serious “deviations from the norm”, in which the parent needs to learn to love his child the way he came, to fight with himself and the opinions of others, to find the strength to understand and pass such a difficult lesson, and ideally, to help the child gain integrity through considerable effort. Usually such an experience is given to those who in other lives were child killers, or treated children cruelly and considered them a burden. The soul of a child literally sacrifices itself in order to awaken the sleeping consciousness, stir up respect for Life and rekindle the spark that is dying out in the parent.
Excerpt from a colleague’s session: To the question “Why can’t she get pregnant?” a child appeared, a little boy. I was sitting at a distance from A. They came up and took my hand. The child refused to be held. Question: “Why don’t you want to be hugged?” He replied that he was afraid. They started asking questions. It turned out that the intended mother was too much involved in the spiritual world, but not enough in earthly affairs. Not grounded. The child is afraid that he will feel bad with her. A. promised to be the best mother in the world. Terrestrial!
Why does God select children? What can a person rely on in the event of such a loss?
A strange way to pose the question. Here God is likened to officials from the guardianship authorities who take children away from their parents for one reason or another, which can be considered and appealed in case of an unfair decision. But where in the Gospel do we see Christ taking children away from their parents? On the contrary, He returns to the ruler of the synagogue his daughter, taken away by death, resurrects this twelve-year-old girl, returns her dead son to the widow of Nain.
Children are not taken away by God, but by death. In the Holy Scriptures, death is directly named as the enemy of Christ: The last enemy to be destroyed is death (1 Cor 15-26).
To put it very briefly, death entered the world through sin, that is, through man’s free deviation from good. And when children die today, it would be naive to reproach God for their death. It is not God who kills children, but the anger of adults, their irresponsibility, disregard for their responsibilities, indifference and hard-heartedness. In some cases, God protects children from the consequences of sinful behavior of adults and averts the trouble that is already about to break out, in others - not. Why this is so - we are not given the opportunity to find out now. But it is not God who takes children from their parents. You need to know this and firmly believe in it. Because otherwise, you can deprive yourself of the last support and consolation in your grief. If God appears to a person as an enemy who takes away children, who can you complain about Him to, who will protect you from Him? This line of thinking is a sure path to madness.
Regarding the posthumous fate of dead and lost children, one of the most revered fathers of our Church, the Monk Ephraim the Syrian, writes that they are glorified by God even higher than the saints:
“Praise be to Thee, our God, from the lips of sucklings and children, who, like pure lambs in Eden, are nourished in the Kingdom! According to what was said by the Holy Spirit (Ezek. 34:14), they graze among the trees, and Archangel Gabriel is the shepherd of these flocks. Their degree is higher and more beautiful than that of virgins and saints; they are children of God, pets of the Holy Spirit. They are companions on high, friends of the sons of light, inhabitants of a pure land, far from the land of curses. On the day when they hear the voice of the Son of God, their bones rejoice and are glad, freedom, which has not yet had time to disturb their spirit, will bow its head. Their days on earth were short; but life is preserved for them in Eden; and it is most desirable for their parents to approach their abodes.”
A believer generally perceives death differently than an atheist. Where an unbeliever sees a complete and final cessation of existence, for a Christian, through faith, the light of a new life opens, much better than the earthly one. Modern theologian Alexey Ilyich Osipov writes about it this way: “Imagine, in winter, in the mountains in severe bad weather, a group of people, among whom are a mother and her son, got lost. They walk along the paths with every minute danger to their lives. It is unknown how long or how long it will take to get home. But suddenly a helicopter appears, lands and the commander says that he is flying there and there is one free seat. Won't the mother try to do everything possible to get her son taken so that he can be saved?!
This is exactly what happens in human life, when a “helicopter” takes our dear relatives and friends and delivers them home, while we are still walking, not knowing what will happen on our way, what sorrows, illnesses, tragedies, what death . Christianity claims that man on earth is a wanderer, and earthly life is only the way home, and death is only a short-term separation. Soon we will all meet again in our home. Therefore, the apostle said: we do not have a permanent city here, but we are looking for the future (Heb. 13:14). Just God grant that the meeting there with our relatives will not be overshadowed by our bad deeds, but will turn out to be joyful and happy.”
Why did this happen to me, God?
I looked around the walls of the children's hospice.
From all sides, faces looked at me, filled with pain and hope, wounded and fighting for life. Some of them are still next to us, multiplying our joy, others have already left us, encouraging us to expect to meet them in the arms of God... Why do children die? Why so early? Why does it hurt so much? Why was the unspeakable joy of their innocent existence replaced by such unbearable pain? And if for some unknown good of ours, then why is this good so bitter?
Why?
A young couple. We just met recently. Their only dream is to live in love. Love each other as much as possible! As completely as possible! As deep as possible! This is real life! There is not only sweetness and beauty in this, there is also power in this. Such love cannot be a selfish feeling, it is not limited only to itself, it is not self-sufficient. Love gives birth, multiplies, gives life.
In this cycle of love, they get married, and now they are expecting a child. He is the focus and meaning of their life together. All their dreams are now about him, all their hopes are focused on him. For the first time, someone else enters their love. He is not yet visible, but with his very presence he multiplies and strengthens their love. The changes occurring in the female body confirm the emergence of a new life, which is not only born from love, but also gives birth to love itself. A tiny invisible baby, whom they understand without words, gives new life to the parents. They discover that they love each other not only more, but also in a different way. Their love acquired a new, higher level.
A young woman feels like a mother even before the birth of a child. She is just waiting for the moment when she can finally hug her child. The day of birth arrives. Natural pain is replaced by the joy of a new life, the charm of a new presence in the house, amazement at the unique features of a new personality. With it comes joy, sleepless nights, worries, worries, worries, hugs, kisses, toys, dreams. The baby begins to smile, talk, walk, do his first pranks, maybe even starts going to school.
Our attachment to the child grows day by day. Fears and concerns replace each other. We learn that someone else's child is seriously ill. The smile disappears from our face. But not for long. Deep inner fears determine our mental world and reflect our moods. No, It is Immpossible! This can't happen to us. There is some reason why the disease has come knocking on someone else's door. The likelihood that she could visit our child is negligible, it almost does not exist. Collecting crumbs, grains of faith, we mentally protect ourselves with the sign of the cross. If God exists, He will look at us, He will protect us, especially now that, albeit spiritually, we have managed to call on Him. Moreover, God is Love. He will take pity on us, on our poor baby. After all, our child is still so innocent. While playing, the child becomes ill, or one morning he has a high fever, and we cannot bring it down for several days, or for some unknown reason he is sick all the time. We are afraid for him, we get tested, but we are not left with confidence: the research results will show that our child is getting better, or, in the worst case, he has fallen ill with some kind of childhood disease from which the world has suffered in the past, and in Today she is successfully treated.
Days pass. The cloudless sky of our joy is pierced one after another by lightning bolts of medical verdicts. This is cancer. The name of the diagnosis reminds us of the name of a seafood delicacy. But now we get the impression that this cancer is squeezing our minds with one claw and tearing our hearts with the other. This monster consumes and torments our entire being.
We don't want to think about it, we can't realize it. Just recently we hugged each other and rejoiced that the Lord had sent us His little Angel. Today our hugs, like some kind of vessel, are filled with tears, and we are afraid that the Lord may prematurely take away from us the Angel whom we now consider ours.
The flurry of medical research gives way to a painful onslaught of unanswered “whys?” Why is there such pain, my God? What is this innocent creature to blame for? Why did this happen to my child, who seems to me the best in the world, and not to someone else’s and far from me? Why should he be sick, suffer silently and resignedly, without even suspecting what he will have to endure? Why was there a threat hanging over him so early to leave his toys, his brothers and sisters, us, his parents, this world? Why did all this happen to us? No logic can help us, no explanation can console us, no word can support us, no god can touch us.
We break out of this circle and seek refuge in anticipation of some miracle. But what if? Christ raised the daughter of Jairus and the son of the widow from Nain. He healed the Canaanite woman's daughter and the centurion's servant. God especially loves children and constantly encourages us to learn innocence from them. His love is inexhaustible. How many miracles happen somewhere far from us, how many of them there were in the past! Why can't one of them happen today, to our child? What does it cost God? Can't He do one little miracle?
But our desire to be comforted in this way only increases temptation. A miracle is a miracle because it happens extremely rarely. And if this miracle happens to us, will it be injustice? Why do some live in the constant grace-filled presence of God, while others are deprived of it? Why do some glorify the Lord, while others - and the majority of them - incredibly humble themselves and beg Him? And again, if He can work miracles, then why doesn’t He heal everyone or, moreover, abolish illnesses altogether so that we can live the few years that we are allotted joyfully and peacefully? Perhaps God exists so that we suffer, or does He not exist at all, and we simply suffer and suffer?
Someone tells us that God loves us and therefore allows us such trials. And those who console us, who respond to our pain with advice and words, why doesn’t God love them, but only us? Why do their children play and laugh carefree, while ours, emaciated and pale, lives among medications and IVs? Why do their children joke and play pranks, and ours lives in vain hopes and faith in our lies, that supposedly everything will be fine soon and he will go to school again? Why do they make plans for their children, while we are afraid to even think about the future of our child?
And if we assume that God decides that children should not get sick, then how can He tolerate adults suffering and tormenting? How could this relate to His love and Godhead?
Why is life so tragic? Why are you afraid to love? Why don't you dare to give yourself to someone else? Why do you hesitate to become attached to someone? After all, the stronger the love, the more painful the separation. The deeper the feelings, the greater the pain. Truly - why?
At some point, these “whys” reach the limit of tolerance. Someone advises us not to ask questions: we cannot ask God “why.” Perhaps it is precisely for this sin that our child suffers.
And yet these “whys,” when they are dictated by humble and quiet pain, not only constitute the image of our true “I”, but also express the deepest existential doubts of this world.
Blessing of Pain
Blessed "whys"! They were sanctified by Christ Himself, dying on the Cross: My God! My God, why have you forsaken me? (Matthew 27:46) My God, why did you do this to me? What did I do to you? Am I not Your Son? This is the same question that we ask, but it also remains unanswered. It was not answered in any visible way. Subsequent events revealed the answer.
Many such bitter questions were uttered by the mouth of the long-suffering Job and written by the reed of the prophet David: sacred history recorded the tragic death of their children. And at the same time, these two people show us an example of amazing faith, perseverance and patience.
We turn this question to God, we ask ourselves and those people who, as we feel, love us especially. We ask this question mainly to express what is going on inside us, and at the same time hoping that someone will take pity on us. Who can give us the answer?
Saint Basil the Great, addressing one grieving father, told him that pain makes a person so sensitive that he becomes like an eye that cannot bear the slightest speck of dust. Even the gentlest movement increases the pain of the suffering person. Words that are given as logical arguments become intolerable. Only tears, bewilderment itself, silence, inner prayer could calm the pain, enlighten the darkness and give rise to a tiny hope.
Pain not only awakens ourselves, but also gives birth to love in those people who surround us. They try to put themselves in our place. Feeling protected, they try to share with us our feelings, which are not so pleasant for them. And they succeed. Pain breeds patience and, at the same time, a loving connection with our neighbors. Pain gives birth to truth. Compassion for other people grows in our hearts. Therein lies the answer. This is how comfort comes to our hearts. Its sweetness and peace are felt more than the severity of the pain experienced.
As science shows, many completely different children can be born from the same parents. We are very different from each other externally, but the inner world of each person is unique. Because of this, if someone else tries to answer our innermost question, he will violate our sacred right: we must find our own answer, prepared for us by God. Alien wisdom will destroy the truth and freedom of God within us.
The big mistake lies in the fact that we expect an answer from the outside, from someone else. Which of the sages, enlightened people, philosophers, priests can be confident in the correctness of the arguments presented and know the answer to our such a personal question? The answer can only be found within yourself. Not in some similar cases, not in heavy books, not in the recipes for consoling the sages. The answer is not somewhere outside, someone else does not know it. It is born within us. And our own response is a gift from God.
Ultimately, all these “whys” do not have the answers that we expect due to our human frailty and poverty. If you follow ordinary logic, it is impossible to find a solution. Therefore, Christ told us very little about death. He simply accepted it Himself and endured more suffering and pain than anyone else. And when He rose again, His lips were filled more with living breath than with words. He said nothing about life or death - only prophesied about the martyrdom of Peter. Pain cannot be answered with arguments. After all, both death and injustice have no logical explanation. These questions are resolved by the breath and breath that comes only from God. They are resolved by the Holy Spirit and overcome by humble acceptance of the will of God, which is always true and at the same time so incomprehensible.
The test gives rise to a storm of unanswerable questions. And we, clinging to these “whys”, “maybes” and “if only”, maintain hope, survive in this world, waiting for something more durable and permanent. But it is not in the human solution we have proposed; it lies in the unexpected and supernatural Divine consolation. Every attempt we make to replace it with something human turns out to be an injustice to ourselves. By limiting ourselves to a rationalistic approach, we only aggravate our personal tragedy. In dialogue with pain, injustice and death, we are forced to go beyond human dimensions. In this lies not only a way out of the test, but also a blessing.
The only possibility
In the end, if we can ask a question ourselves, then we must wait for the answer. Either there is no God, or He allowed this test to give us a unique opportunity. If there had been no Crucifixion, there would have been no Resurrection. And Christ would then be just a good teacher, and not God. God gives us a unique opportunity to rise above our weaknesses, to go beyond human dimensions. All we have to do is see this opportunity and use it with dignity. In this case, the spiritual benefit of what is happening will be much greater than the strength and pain of the test.
Death, pain, injustice are sacraments that can be broken by a careless word. In these circumstances, truth cannot be expressed as opinion or argument, but is manifested in the humble acceptance of pain. This path on the border between life and death, between murmur and praise, between miracle and injustice, with its unexpected turns and hidden thorns, shows us the truth of life. To those who resist temptation, the truth will be revealed in a form in which he has never imagined it. Pain in those who can contain it gives rise to primordial sensitivity and reveals a reality that is otherwise impossible to see. And the point is not that some events or revelations will happen - they already exist. The point is that your eyes will open and you will be able to see them. Unfortunately, there is an indisputable truth: only by losing something very desirable, we learn and comprehend something more.
I am sure: neither pain nor injustice can abolish the love of God. God exists. And He is Love and Life. Perfect Love and all the Fullness of Life. And the greatest mystery of His existence is His coexistence with pain, injustice and death. Perhaps the greatest challenge for each of us is to coexist with our own personal pain, with hope to embrace these deep “whys” in a strong embrace, inwardly humbly waiting for God in the midst of those “injustices” that it seems to us that He sends us .
A few days ago, a young girl approached me. It seemed that the lamp of her life was barely glowing. In the midst of unbearable pain, I discerned hope. In her tear-stained eyes I saw joy, strength and wisdom.
“I want to live,” she told me. - But I didn’t come for you to confirm this to me. I came so that you could help me prepare to leave this world.
“I am the priest of life, not death,” I answered her, “that’s why I want you to live.” But let me ask you something. During your ordeal, did you never ask, “Why did this happen to me, God?”
- I don’t understand you, father. I ask, “Why didn’t this happen to me, God?” And I do not expect my death, but enlightenment.
Why do children die? Example of three sisters
A 54-year-old woman came to the session. She was the last of three triplet sisters, one of whom left this world during childbirth, and the second, by the age of 4, developed a brain disease (I don’t remember what exactly now), which prevented her from developing normally, which led to her early departure at the age of 45 ( 9 years before the session).
During pregnancy, due to the triple load, it was not clear whether their mother would survive, and she actually almost died during childbirth, miraculously surviving. However, then, within 10 months, their father passed away from cancer. You can imagine the situation. The ward wanted to know why this happened, what the punishment was for.
It turned out that all 5 mentioned (the souls of parents and children) usually incarnate together as a family. At the same time, their lesson for this life was this: children had to live life with only one parent.
Thus, according to the original plan, the mother really had to pass on to another world during childbirth, but at the family council up there, for internal reasons, it was decided that the father would leave, their roles changed.
The soul of the first child (who passed away as an infant at the entrance to incarnation) did not want to go through such a traumatic experience and retreated until it was too late, until it completely entered the physical world and the connection with the subtle was closed.
The second sister, who passed away 9 years ago, decided to teach herself an extra-hard lesson in the development of the disease, and thus leave a special mark on this incarnation, so as not to repeat such difficult scenarios again. With all this, it was the three sisters who had to choose which parent should leave...
