Wedding agency Moscow Modern society is divided into people of believers and atheists, into true Christians who live according to the laws of the church and honor God and people who are far from the Faith and vegetate in the vanity of the world. Family spiritual values are passed on from generation to generation, but many families are just starting their Orthodox path from the very beginning, having lost continuity due to almost a century of persecution of the Church. How to create an Orthodox family in modern society and preserve the traditions of the Orthodox family is a question that many true believers ask themselves, striving to create a Small Church out of a family.
Marriage according to Orthodox customs
The Russian Orthodox family implies a union of a baptized man and woman, blessed by the Church, and living according to the laws of the Orthodox faith. The bride and groom, who are in love with each other, gradually come to mutual love in Christ. One of the most important goals of an Orthodox family is the goal of maintaining an honest, immaculate marriage, which is to avoid lust, carnal pleasures and adultery. The undeniable wisdom of a Christian marriage is that the husband and wife do not exert pressure and do not limit each other’s freedom of action, that is, such a marriage is built on the absolute trust of the husband and wife. And this trust and confidence in each other is secured by God’s blessing on marriage.
Wedding sequence
On the appointed day, those getting married, in the same way as during betrothal, at the end of the Divine Liturgy, with lit candles, accompanied by the solemn singing of psalms, enter the holy temple of God behind the priest who precedes them, carrying in his hands a censer with fragrant incense. And the priest turns to the young people and pronounces an instructive word, telling them the Mystery of Marriage and the foundations of a God-pleasing married life. Then he asks them whether they had made a promise to anyone else, and after their answers confirming their honesty and purity before each other, as at the beginning of the inheritance of the betrothal, solemn prayers are heard, offered by the priest, the deacon and supported by the choir and the people in the Holy Temple.
And having accepted the crowns, he crowns the groom first with the words: “The servant of God, ________, is married to the servant of God, ___________, in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. "
He also crowns the bride: “The servant of God, ________, is married to the servant of God, _________, in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.” And he blesses them three times, saying: “Lord our God, crown them with honor and glory.”
The groom is likened to a king. The head of the groom is crowned as the head of the wife and as the king of all the descendants who will descend from him. The wife is crowned with a crown, as a co-shaper of his royal power and glory. The solemn and wise words of the Epistle of the Holy Apostle Paul to the Ephesians resound among the faithful children of the Church frozen in reverence and fear of God. After which the priest, like Christ himself, addresses the young people with the words of the Holy Gospel. And again, as at a betrothal, the priest on behalf of the entire Church raises a petition for the Lord to send down on the young people Divine grace and the Gifts of the Holy Spirit, as it was sent down to the blessed and equal-to-the-apostles Tsars Constantine and Helena. After this, a common cup is brought, and, having blessed it, the priest gives it to the young people, so that each of them drinks from it three times the blessed wine from the vine. This cup serves as a sign of their inseparable union in life, common ownership and use of property. And taking the young people by the hands, the priest quietly and reverently leads them, like the head of this sacred face, to the solemn songs of the choir. Hearing the first song: “Isaiah rejoice...”, the young people see in their marriage an image of the union of the Divine Word with man. During the song of the second circle: “Holy martyrs, who suffered well...”, the young listen to those who conquered everything for the beloved Christ, who accepted the unfading crowns of glory in the kingdom of heaven. In addition to the symbol of triumph, this walk marks a symbol of eternity, for the young show by this a sign that they will preserve their marital union forever, and express a promise to God not to dissolve it for any reason.
After this, the priest takes the young couple’s crowns, blessing them with a solemn prayer, and leads them to the Royal Doors of the altar. The newlyweds and their relatives and friends congratulate each other, the priest blesses them with icons and after that reads the instructive word of the Holy Archbishop John Chrysostom to the newlyweds. At the end of the instructive word, the bells ring out throughout the entire Temple and its entire surrounding area, and the young people leave the temple to the beautiful and solemn words of the valiant song.
Before marriage, both man and woman must remain celibate. From an external point of view, this means that a person should not engage in intimate relationships before marriage. However, the church has always recognized the importance of inner innocence and purity. Marriage does not violate the chastity of the spouses if only their hearts remain pure before God; For a woman, virginity blossoms into motherhood.
Matthew 5:27-28
You have heard what was said to the ancients: Thou shalt not commit adultery. But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
Chastity is the observance of purity: virginity for unmarried people, abstinence for widows and fidelity for spouses. The Church considers adultery and adultery to be among the most serious sins, because they violate chastity. They are condemned more than 30 times in the New Testament.
1 Corinthians 6:9-10, 18-20
Avoid fornication: every sin that a person commits is outside the body, and the fornicator sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who lives in you, which you have from God, and you are not your own? Therefore glorify God in your bodies.
How are children raised in an Orthodox family?
An Orthodox family often has many children and every child is loved. Raising children in an Orthodox family is based on love and trust in each other. The elders help the parents raise the younger ones, while gaining experience for their future family life, and the younger ones take their example from them. Children who are baptized at an older age have a harder time accepting the Church than children baptized in infancy. Kids live and grow up with a sense of Faith instilled in them by their parents. Joint prayers support the traditions of the Russian Orthodox family, unite it and allow children to get used to the fact that it is impossible to live without talking with God. Children in an Orthodox family for the first time in their lives are faced with submission to the authority of their father and mother, and this experience is the most important on the difficult path of life, softened by love for the person who rules and demands obedience. By following the instructions of the parents and observing the prohibitions, the child gains inner freedom, realizing that the authority of an older person is not intended to break his character, humiliate or enslave. By accepting punishment not as punishment, but as an instruction, the child learns to live correctly. In an Orthodox family, parents must learn to restrain and suppress their anger, not get irritated, and be able to punish with love.
Seeing how his parents love him in a Christian way, the child adopts experience that will be useful to him in the future in the question of
how to create an Orthodox family , create in it an atmosphere of striving for God, i.e. affirm the statement “family is the Small Church.”
Text of the book “Sociology of the family: a textbook”
2. Orthodox values of family and marriage
The number of people getting married in the Orthodox Church is constantly growing. This situation is due to the fact that there is a return to traditional Russian culture, to Christian family values. And yet, when it comes to the meaning of marriage and weddings for many couples who come to church to consecrate their marriage, one can most often hear vague answers. This is explained by the fact that we are not familiar with the true foundations of religion and have a superficial understanding of the dogmas of the Orthodox Church regarding family and marriage.
Currently, the Bible is of interest primarily because it is an encyclopedic chronicle of our ancestors. This is one of the deepest roots of modern culture. The sacred book contains the beginning that determined many features of the culture of past centuries and which is becoming necessary for our contemporaries. Today, many people turn to religion, seeing in it a source of spiritual strength, morality, and humanity.
Christianity undoubtedly represents one of the most magnificent phenomena in the history of mankind. Religious morality is a set of moral concepts, principles, and ethical standards that develop under the direct influence of a religious worldview. By asserting that morality has a supernatural, divine origin, preachers of all religions thereby proclaim the eternity and immutability of their moral principles, their timeless nature.
Moral norms, including norms of marriage and family relations, may be different in different religious systems. This is explained primarily by the fact that they developed in different countries, among different peoples, at different stages of social development.
Orthodoxy is one of the main directions of Christianity. Orthodoxy recognizes seven sacraments (sacraments in which invisible divine grace is given under a visible sign). These are baptism, confirmation, communion, confession, marriage, priesthood, consecration of oil.
Sexual desire in Christianity is condemned as something base. Even G. Hegel in “The Philosophy of Love” noted that beyond the values of Christianity there is friendship, as well as the love of a man and a woman, because sexual attraction is the principle that especially binds to the earthly and thereby turns away from heaven. Love for a woman is opposed to love for God.
A woman in religion is a sinful creature. From this point of view, perhaps, one should explain the religious justification for the social and family inequality of women, which exists to this day.
Marriage in Christianity and Orthodoxy is a sacrament because it is a special, requiring the blessing of heaven, personal permission to deviate from the rule of virginity, indulgence in human weakness.
The Church saw in marriage not only the foundation of the family and the unit of society, but also the image of the union of Christ and the Church. In his teaching, the Apostle Paul calls the family a “little Church,” and likens the marriage union to the union of Christ and the Church.
Christians, with their deep and spiritual idea of marriage, believed that marriage should not be out of passion, but with the thought of God, of His moral law.
The age of marriage was determined by religious norms and was very low for both women and men. In Russia in 1714, the Synod established the age of marriage for women at 13 years, for men at 15 years. By decree of Nicholas I (1830), the marriageable age was raised by three years for both sexes, with the exception of Transcaucasia, where the previous marriageable age was retained. Due to the fact that “marriage was established by God for procreation, which is useless to wait for after 80 years,” the maximum marriageable age was set at 80 years. To marry after 60 years of age, it was necessary to obtain special permission from the bishop.
In Orthodoxy, creating a family was a tradition and the norm. For a Russian person, the family has always been the basis of his moral and economic activity, the meaning of his entire existence. If a person did not have a family, then they pitied him and considered him offended by God and fate. Having a family and children was as necessary and natural as working. Large families were respected; childlessness was perceived as an anomaly and misfortune.
Considering the system of Orthodox values and the role of the family from the point of view of Orthodoxy, V.V. Forosova proposes to highlight the following elements:
1) the origin and essence of marriage; 2) alternatives to marriage and family; 3) admissibility of pre- and extramarital contacts; 4) marriage; 5) family breakdown; 6) duties of spouses; 7) raising children in the family.
Origin and essence of marriage.
The sphere of marriage relations is so subtle and mysterious that the Apostle Paul says about marriage: “This mystery is great.” The teaching about this sacrament of three different Christian confessions - Orthodox, Catholic and Protestant - is different. Moreover, there is no agreement even within the boundaries of Orthodoxy. The controversial issues are: who performs this sacrament - the priest or the couple themselves; where is the main moment of the sacrament; What is the importance of the physical side of marriage? There is no agreement even in understanding the most essential aspect of marriage - its purpose.
Nevertheless, two main points can be identified: marriage is established by God; marriage is an image of the spiritual union of Christ with the Church. A husband must take care of his wife as Christ cares for the Church - if necessary, give his soul for her, experience repeated losses, etc. (Teaching of St. John Chrysostom).
It should be noted that during the early Christian period there were three common views on marriage. According to the first of them, marriage is a gift from God, its purpose is procreation.
The second point of view was that marriage is a necessary evil: it is better to get married than to “burn out from the passion of love.” In other words, the need to satisfy sexual relations was recognized, which must be legitimized through marriage.
The third point of view completely rejected marriage: one must be free to devote oneself to religion (in our days there are people who deliberately avoid marriage in order to achieve, for example, professional growth).
Alternatives to marriage and family.
According to Christian teaching, only those who are incapable of marital cohabitation can avoid marriage.
There are no alternatives to marriage. Satisfying sexual needs outside of marriage is disastrous for a person.
Admissibility of pre- and extramarital contacts.
Marriage is legalized for Christians to avoid fornication, which means that extramarital and premarital contacts are “a poison that kills the soul.” Sexual life outside of marriage is a renunciation of Christ.
Getting married.
This element in the Orthodox teaching on marriage and family has two interconnected levels - earthly and heavenly.
The lowest, earthly, stage consists of choosing a bride and groom. Happiness in family life largely depends on the wisdom of this choice. Reasonableness (Teaching of St. John Chrysostom) is to avoid both marriages of convenience, self-interest, and marriages of love or passion. The main thing to look for in a bride is kindness of soul and good behavior. Likewise, when choosing a groom, the bride’s parents should primarily take into account his spiritual qualities, primarily piety.
When the choice of the bride and groom is made, they move to the second stage - the consecration of the marriage by the Church. When the priest blessing the bride and groom, the grace of the Holy Spirit invisibly descends on them, sanctifying their marital union. This grace gives them strength for living together according to the commandments of Christ, for the legal birth and Christian upbringing of children.
Family breakdown.
The main commandment that defines the attitude of Christianity towards divorce is the following: “What God has joined together, let no man separate.”
Divorce is a matter contrary to both nature and divine law. Nature - because one, whole, flesh is cut. Law - since what God united and commanded not to separate is divided.
Whoever divorces his wife takes the path of adultery. A Christian should avoid adultery, since it violates the terms of marriage, degrades the dignity of children, dissolves family ties and upsets the entire human life.
Obviously, the Church did not recognize divorce and, moreover, did not issue it. Divorce in the church consciousness was viewed as an inevitable evil and sin. But just as repentance is possible after any sin, so after divorce a new beginning and a new life are possible.
Only after the 10th century, when, on the instructions of the emperors, the Church was responsible not only for the moral, but also for the legal side of the conclusion of all marriages, was it forced to accept formal responsibility for divorces. If a marriage received legal force from a church blessing, then divorce should henceforth receive a formal church sanction.
It was from this time that the practice of weddings of second and third marriages began, that is, such marriages that the Church could not recognize as corresponding to its absolute norm, as well as the issuance of divorce by church authorities. But in the minds of the mass of believers, the spiritual difference between the first marriage and subsequent marriages, and especially marriages after divorce, has been largely lost.
The Orthodox Church, unlike the Catholic Church, allowed not only annulment of marriage, but also divorce, although it equated it with a grave sin. In order not to commit a sin, many noble people, princes, boyars, even Russian tsars (Vasily III, Ivan IV, Peter I) forcibly sent their wives to a monastery - this was a special way of divorce, after which it was possible to remarry. This phenomenon assumed such proportions that in the 17th century. Patriarch Joachim even issued a Decree prohibiting the tonsure of a husband from a living wife and a wife from a living husband, and prohibiting spouses who remained in the world from entering into a new marriage.
In the 19th century In the legislation of the Russian Empire there were many grounds for divorce:
– condemnation of a husband or wife “to deprivation of all rights of the estate”;
– his or her “incapacity for marital cohabitation” if it arose before marriage;
– “unknown absence of a spouse for more than 5 years”;
- “proven adultery” (A. B. Sinelnikov indicates that about 95% of divorces were motivated by this reason).
Persons guilty of violating the rules of family life, especially infidelity, lost the right to remarry after divorce for 7 years.
Attitudes towards divorce and celibacy have always been negative. But at the same time, people understood that if divorce is bad in principle, then marriage is good only ideally, that is, in the case when the norms and rules of family life are observed by both spouses.
Thus, divorce has always been an integral part of marital behavior. It still remains a mechanism that ensures compliance with the accepted rules of family life, plays a corrective role in case of their violation, and ensures the optimal selection of married couples.
The responsibilities of spouses, as another element of the system of Orthodox values, are determined by the high goal of the marriage union of Christians - the spiritual and moral improvement of each other, possible only with the internal unity of their souls. The moral responsibilities of spouses are subordinated to the achievement of this goal: overcoming pride, mutual love, respect and trust, mutual assistance, leniency towards the shortcomings of the other, tolerance, generosity, the ability to forgive, the ability to self-sacrifice.
Orthodoxy emphasizes the importance of three basic concepts in the family: power, responsibility and love. The main advantage of marriage over celibacy was better conditions for raising children.
The husband is recognized as the sole head of the family: “The husband’s dominance over his wife is natural. The husband is older than the wife by creation. He appears as something basic, and the wife as something subsequent. He is created independently, and she is already born from him, receiving her life from his rib. It was not her husband who was created for her, but she was created out of his need - to be in community with someone like him.”
The responsibilities of a husband in a Christian family are the desire to embody the Orthodox ideal of a husband and father: to be the spiritual head of the family, its support and protection, to take responsibility for the fate of the family, wife and children, to selflessly love his wife and children, if necessary, to give his own for them life. The husband is not only the moral strength of the family, but also its highest court, strict and wise.
The love of a husband for his wife should be a reasonable feeling, subordinate to one goal - the moral correction and improvement of the wife. The husband equally sins before God if he remains indifferent to his wife’s weaknesses and if he is cruel in his attempts to eradicate her shortcomings.
The duty of a wife in Orthodoxy is, first of all, to take second place in the family, to be submissive to her husband. The wife must be chaste and pure. She is engaged to her husband to communicate, have children, and help her husband. The wife’s duty is to preserve what her husband has acquired, to use his income frugally, and to take care of the house. A husband gains strength around a loving, devoted wife.
A woman can successfully fulfill the duties of a mother and wife and at the same time serve society with her work if she has the strength and desire to do so. The field of activity for women who do not want to live only in the interests of their family is very wide: charitable work in its Christian sense (so that the left hand does not know what the right hand is doing), treatment and care for the sick, and teaching. Such an approach to a woman’s participation in public life allows her to fully fulfill the duties of a mother and wife and embody her ideal.
Raising children in a family.
According to Orthodox teaching, neglect of children (lack of care) is the greatest sin.
A child is like a young tree, easily inclined to either side; he can become both an angel and a devil, depending on the upbringing he receives. It is better to instruct children not with words, but with the example of your life, since children tend to imitate their parents in good and bad. It is useful to teach children the sciences and arts, but teaching them to live like a Christian is extremely necessary. Just as God, loving, punishes the elect, so Christians, imitating Him, must love and therefore punish their children: “unpunished in youth, in maturity they remain like unbroken and wild horses, unfit for any work.”
Children should be obedient to their parents in everything, honor them, show every gratitude: help in need, feed and clothe them in old age, excuse their infirmities.
Thus, we have briefly examined the seven main elements of the family and marriage value system of the Orthodox Church. All of them are not associated with a specific social structure, and can be accepted by a modern person or not.
3. Values of a modern family
Family values are determined by the uniqueness and social significance of the family.
From the point of view of family values and value guidelines, families are distinguished:
1) in which family values (rather than personal or public) are given priority;
2) where personal value orientations are of higher importance for spouses compared to family values;
3) having different value orientations, when one of the spouses gives preference to personal and the other to family values;
4) families in which parity of family and personal values is maintained for a certain time;
5) with “floating” values – the predominance of family values in some periods, and personal values in others.
Over the course of a long historical period, counting thousands of years, the family changed, transformed, and was transformed under the influence of circumstances. At each historical stage, society had its own type of family and family values. Throughout its existence, the institution of family has realized the values for which the family exists. These are the so-called tribal values of family and marriage.
L. I. Savinov believes that the ancestral values of the family include:
– a complex spectrum of relationships between a man and a woman, the highest value of which is love;
– the birth of children is a value, during the achievement of which not only biological instinct is manifested, but also important spiritual and social parameters;
– different value orientations, thanks to which, in the multilayered sphere of communication, family members have the opportunity to plunge into the world of humanity. This is facilitated by the roles of wife, husband, father, mother, son, daughter, etc.
In our opinion, the ability to feel the relative stability and security that the family gives to its members (this was especially felt in previous eras) should be included in the family’s ancestral values.
Taking as a basis the characteristic needs of the individual and correlating them with the life of the family, we identify the following values of the modern family:
– associated with self-affirmation of personality
: the social significance of the family, the traditional personality of the family man, the recognition of each family member by the immediate environment, the acquisition of a certain status in society;
– satisfying the need for love and recognition
: acceptance of each family member with all his advantages and disadvantages, the opportunity to feel loved, needed and to be able to express his feelings towards loved ones;
– satisfying physiological needs
: sexually intimate relationships between spouses;
– the ability to feel relative stability and security
: duration of family and marital relations, constancy of control, economic support, psychological protection, emotional release;
– satisfying the need for communication
and expanding his circle: communication with children, relatives, friends, exchange of spiritual values;
– making it possible to satisfy pragmatic needs
: joint form of property ownership, increasing the income side of the family budget, expecting help from children in the future, etc.
There are two types of values: self-sufficient and instrumental.
Family values of the self-sufficient type: social status and social significance of the family, responsibility to loved ones, the possibility of self-affirmation, attachment to children and spouse.
Family values of the instrumental type: values-attitudes, values-qualities, values-knowledge, abilities, skills. They are formed in the parental family and develop throughout a person’s family life, forming the basis of a family man’s personality.
A qualitative analysis of family values emphasizes their humanistic essence. It is the humanistic ideal - man as the highest value - that determines the meaning and purpose of family life, and its values reflect the recognition of humanistic universal ideals (goodness, justice, mutual assistance, mercy, etc.)
Questions and tasks
1. What are the values of family and marriage?
2. What is the importance of studying family values for a sociologist?
3. What is the humanistic essence of family values?
4. What factors influence the formation of a person’s value orientations?
5. Name the ancestral values of the family.
6. What is the humanistic essence of family values?
7. Give examples of the influence of certain factors on the formation of a person’s value orientations.
8. Can family values influence the success or failure of a person’s life path?
9. Describe the system of Orthodox values of family and marriage according to plan:
1) the origin and essence of marriage; 2) alternatives to marriage and family; 3) admissibility of pre- and extramarital contacts; 4) marriage; 5) family breakdown; 6) duties of spouses; 7) raising children in the family.
10. Using diagram 3, talk about the values of family and marriage.
Scheme 3
Modern family values
11. Complete the following sentences:
The family is the oldest living structure on earth, one of the mechanisms of self-organization of society, with which the statement is connected...
“Value” is a term widely used in philosophical and sociological literature to indicate...
Within European culture, the core values include... Family values are determined by...
12. What families stand out in terms of values and value guidelines?
13. What is the significance of family values of a self-sufficient and instrumental type for the development of personality?
14. Give an impromptu speech to your fellow students on the topic “Family and Society”, using key phrases:
The theme of family is eternal because...
The family reproduces within itself at the micro level all the problems of modern society...
The role of the family in society is ambiguous and incomparable with any other social institutions because...
It is in the family that it is laid...
The family acts as the primary educational team...
In modern conditions of the formation of new social relations, family problems take on a new meaning, this is due to the fact that...
For a number of reasons, the modern family has become one of the objects of social work. This is explained by…
It is obvious that social work with families will be effective only when...
Unchanging traditions of the Orthodox family
By preserving the traditions of the Orthodox family , we become a part of the body of the Church and pass on the national characteristics of the Russian Orthodox Church from generation to generation. The behavior of each member of an Orthodox family in everyday life, at feasts, and on holidays should be of a religious nature while preserving spiritual values. It is difficult to imagine a Christian family without traditions and customs passed down by their great-grandfathers. The culture of patriotic loyalty and national feeling was brought up in the family, based on a special attitude towards the veneration of ancestors and paternal graves. The main goal of the Orthodox family today, as at all times, remains the preservation and transmission of spiritual and religious values from generation to generation.
On our website, visitors can find out whether the wedding of Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez will really take place in the near future, find out how the wedding of Nadezhda Mikhalkova and Rezo Gigineishvili went in Georgia, and also see photos of the wedding of Jensen Ackles and Dennille Harris.
