The Secret of Humility
Unlike children, who talk about themselves all the time, adults know how to look humble thanks to learned manners. But all this is often only external, while our heart is occupied with our own ego. How to ensure that our words about humility are not an empty phrase - this is the reflection of Archimandrite Andrei (Konanos).
Young children are more spontaneous. They say what they feel. And in elementary school they always write: “I, I... Me, mom and dad went on vacation. I have a car! And the teacher corrects their essays with a red pen: “Don’t constantly write “I, I...”
On the other hand, mothers and fathers, being confident that their child is the best, often say: “My son (or daughter) is the best!” They believe that their child is more capable than everyone else both in class and in the gym, and if the child plays music, they will certainly say: “The piano teacher noted that my daughter is the best! I see!"
All parents say this. They inspire their child from childhood that he is the best, because if you are not the best, then you can easily become the worst! This is how our egoism is cultivated.
When the writer Nikos Kazandakis arrived at Mount Athos, he met there with one ascetic - Father Macarius (Spileot), who lived in a cave. At the end of the conversation, Father Macarius told him:
– Wake up before it’s too late! Your egoism is huge, your “I” will eat you!
Kazandakis said to him in response:
– Don’t blame the ego, father! The ego has separated man from the animal.
And the ascetic answered:
- You're wrong. Ego has separated man from God. When a person lived in paradise, he was humble and was with God. God loved him, and the man felt his unity with the Lord. But as soon as man said the word “I!”, he separated from God and ran away from Him. He ran away from paradise, he ran away from himself, he ran away from everyone.
Only in one case can we (and should) remember our “I” - when we blame ourselves. Then we can say: “Yes, I am guilty. It was I who sinned, I made a mistake, I did it of my own free will!” In this case, yes, but, unfortunately, this is the very case when we do not say “I”.
There is even such a magazine - “Ego”. And there psychoanalysts write that when a person is going to some event or party, then during the preparations (choosing perfume, etc.) this word is clearly indicated in his soul - “I”. How I look, what impression I me , how they will evaluate my appearance, my clothes, my perfume... Ego constantly manifests itself in modern entertainment. Man constantly thinks about his “I” because he has placed it at the center of his life.
But in this way we move far away from the Truth! The Lord teaches us that even if a person fulfills all His commandments, he must still speak of himself as an indecent servant of God. And we often begin to consider ourselves great and important people at the very beginning of the spiritual path, when nothing has been done yet.
Humility is not sadness, not melancholy. Some people understand humility this way - that it is some kind of depression, when a person feels weak, offended, and a sick introvert. This is wrong. Humility is staying in the Truth, in truth. It means that a person knows who he is, knows his place in this world, is aware of his weakness and thanks God for all the benefits that He shows him, despite his weaknesses. Humility means living in the truth, and not in the deception that modern life creates around us.
I listened to a recording in which Elder Jacob (Tsalikis) reads incantatory prayers over one woman, and the voice of an evil spirit was clearly heard there. Of course, it’s better not to listen to such things, but it happened, and this is what the demon said to the elder:
- Since you are a saint, why don’t you talk about it? Say you are a saint! Since you know this yourself and you managed to defeat me, tell me!
And Elder Jacob was heard to humbly and firmly answer:
- You are lying! I am dust and ashes, and I bow to the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit - the Trinity, Consubstantial and Indivisible!
You should have heard how the demon screamed and screamed! And I thought about what we already know: the devil’s most important goal is to make us selfish. He really wants us to become selfish and begin to consider ourselves important people - while the Lord wants us to be humble and show this humility in our lives.
Humility is when a person accepts dishonor with joy, surging sorrows and difficulties with open arms, with the thought that in this way the soul is cured of sins and illnesses. When difficulties come and we are forced to humble ourselves, we need to remember this - that God cleanses our soul from past or present sins, or protects us from what may happen in the future.
One woman had an abortion and confessed to this sin. But confession in this case is not enough. It is not enough to talk about sin. You need to humble yourself and repent of what you have done.
Humility is action, not words. Words taste sweet. The soul can be touched and touched by words; words give a feeling of sweetness. But the matter of humility tastes very bitter and caustic. Like this: hearing about humility is sweet, but doing it is bitter. And Father George (Karslidis), a famous confessor in Northern Greece, said to this woman who had an abortion (and she was a very beautiful, rich aristocrat):
- Here's what you need to do. You will dress in rags, tell no one who you are, and go to such and such a village. And for a whole week you will beg there for alms, without telling anyone about your past and present. You won't even say your name. This humiliation will help your soul truly humble itself and cleanse itself of the evil that you caused to another soul, your child, who died before he was born.
The woman did everything and after that she felt something that she did not feel during confession - relief. And she was healed from sin.
When we first embark on the path of humility, the first temptation that comes to us is vanity. As soon as you want to be humble, vain thoughts immediately begin to appear in your head. What is vanity? This is when a person does a good deed and secretly begins to be proud of it. For example, I am fasting, and then a thought comes to me, and I begin to think: “Well done! Since I fast, I am not like the others! I’m different, I’m better!”
Or, for example, you can dress modestly (which in itself is good), but vain thoughts appear on this score, and after them comes arrogance and complacency. And the person begins to think: “Do you see what is happening around? The world is dying, everyone dresses provocatively, but you are not like that. Well done!" This “Well done!”, which we say to ourselves after every good deed, is vanity. This is a temptation that we will always face when doing a good deed, because every time something swells inside us, and the thoughts appear: “Well done! I did it in secret!" But the word “Well done!” said, and thus we have already become proud. This looks the least like humility.
Humility implies a desire to learn. When a person has humility, he does not say: “I know everything!” He asks questions – to his spouse, or even to his child. At one time, this made an impression on Saint John Climacus, when in one monastery he saw gray-haired elders asking questions to the priest who confessed them (and the priest was forty years old). These were elders, monks, seasoned in prayer and spiritual warfare, and they humbly asked questions to a man younger than themselves.
And this happens these days. There are abbots on Mount Athos who are younger than many of the monks in the monastery. And such an abbot, despite his rank, goes to the elders and asks them for advice in order to humble himself and not act at his own discretion. It's good for the soul.
Let’s not say: “I know everything! Don't tell me what to do!” After all, this attitude is transmitted to all family members, to everyone around.
However, there are times when a Christian has the right to be indignant about what happened and thus demonstrate “selfishness” without harm to the soul. What are these cases? When it is necessary to defend the Orthodox faith, we not only can, but also must be categorical and strict. And this will not be selfishness, but a confession of faith. When false accusations were brought against Saint Agathon and they slandered him, he accepted everything. And he was called a sinner, a liar, an egoist... But when they called him a heretic, he replied:
- Listen! Regarding everything you told me before, I have hope of improving. But if I agree that I am a heretic, then I will lose hope of salvation! If I am a heretic, then I cannot be saved. Therefore, I do not agree with your words.
The Holy Fathers explain the Lord’s behavior in the Jerusalem Temple this way. Having taken the whip and driving out those buying and selling, He did not feel any anger at that moment. He was not angry with anyone and was in complete control of His behavior and actions. He overturned the benches, scattered the money, but when he found himself in front of the cages with doves that were intended for sacrifice, he said: “Take this from here!” (John 2:16)
That is, if Christ had lost control of Himself, He would have knocked over the cages with the birds. And since the doves were not guilty of anything, He did not harm them. The interpreters of the Gospel talk about this. Therefore, the Lord was not in a nervous state. He did all this not out of selfishness, but out of love - true love for the Law of God, wanting to protect the Temple. And a Christian who wants to become humble cannot be angry, cannot argue.
One novice of Elder Paisius (Svyatogorets) said:
“No matter what sins we confessed to Father Paisius, he accepted our confession with great humility, love, love for mankind, and told us: “Well, you are a man. It’s okay, we’ll fix it!” And he never swore. Only in one case did he become very upset - when we began to proudly argue, thereby showing our selfishness. Only then did he say: “Now, my child, I cannot help you.” When we behaved like this, his soul suffered. Because there was selfishness in our behavior. Sin is a property of man, and selfishness is a property of the devil.
A humble person easily corrects his mistakes. And he is easy to help. I don’t know if you’ve asked yourself this question - why confession doesn’t change us. Unfortunately, I see this in myself and in other people. We go to confession, but after it we don’t really improve—at least not enough to say, “I’ve changed a lot in the last five years.”
Why don't we change? Because we don't have humility. We don't let other people shape our character. For example, a person is told: “From this day forward you must fast!” And here humility is needed to answer: “Yes, I will fast, I will not eat meat.” And the person instead says: “Wait a minute, are you telling me whether I should fast or not? And also, what time should I get up to go to church, do this or that?..” The egoist does not allow anyone to control him, but nevertheless he is controlled by his own passions. But he cannot receive guidance and education from the hands of the Church.
One of the psalms says that “in our humility the Lord remembered us... and delivered us from our enemies” (Ps. 136:23-24). And the holy fathers add: He also delivered us from passions, impurities and infirmities. When God sees a humble person, He delivers him from every temptation. Humble people do not try to comprehend the Divine Truth, but simply live in It. They have simple thoughts - they think like children. But for a person who expresses his thoughts in a confused way, who argues in a confused way, the soul, as a rule, has difficulty reconciling himself.
Some people, coming to the elder, begin to ask him strange questions. But questions indicate the spiritual development of a person. And so, for example, when humble people came to Elder Porfiry, they asked him questions about salvation. And others, whose soul was filled with selfishness, asked whether to buy a motorcycle, whether their daughter would get married in the near future, etc. Someone even asked the elder to pray for winning the lottery. That is, people asked about what was not essential for their salvation.
Instead of looking into himself, the egoist looks at others. He also carefully calculates when the Antichrist will come, what numbers he will have, etc., etc. - instead of looking after your own soul. What did people ask the elders about in ancient times? The Patericon often tells how a person comes to an elder and says to him:
- Father, tell me how I can be saved! Tell me what needs to be done to be saved, to love Christ, to overcome your weaknesses and passions!
We must ask these questions to ourselves, our confessor, and holy people (if such an opportunity arises). These questions do not contain simple curiosity, which hides an egoistic desire to do anything but oneself. What I'm talking about now is not abstract.
When the disciples asked Christ: “Lord, are there really few who are being saved?” (Luke 13:23), He did not directly answer this question, but said: “Strive to enter through the strait gate” (Luke 13:24). Remember? That is, they asked Him one thing, and He answered another. They asked how many people would be saved, and He answered: “Try to strive - that’s what concerns you. How many people will be saved is none of your concern.” Thus, the Lord returns us to earth, to humility.
He said the same thing to the Apostle Peter. After the Resurrection, the Lord told him: “Follow Me” (John 21:19). And he began to ask Christ about St. John the Theologian, what will happen to him (“Lord! What is he?”) (John 21:21). What did the Lord answer? “What do you care about that? You follow Me” (John 21:22). That is, what will happen to John, his life path, is Mine and his business. And look at yourself. By helping yourself, you will help others.
And this is not selfishness. This is the only responsibility that we bear for the development of our own soul in order to turn it to repentance and humility. As Saint John Climacus says, the Lord will not condemn us for not being theologians; or that they did not perform miracles; or that they were not preachers who converted entire tribes and peoples to God. The Lord will condemn us for the fact that we did not have humility, there was no repentance and contrition for our soul.
Translation by Elizaveta Terentyeva
Freedom loving raven
An uncompromising adherent of truth. I observed life for a long time, and over time I began to realize that in contemplative non-interference there is, of course, wisdom, but there is even more of it in following the natural course of things and events in the universe. In an incomprehensible way, the will of his nature merges with the flow of life itself, of which he becomes a guide.
Observing all phenomena as they are, the raven is freed from illusions. By telling others about the truths he has seen, he can be branded as a perspicacious clairvoyant. In fact, his clairvoyance is a simple clear vision of the same reality without mental blinders.
False humility is the stage of a chick that hides from life in a comfort zone. False power is the parrot stage. His chaotic activity serves pride and is aimed at self-affirmation. An owl at the stage of humility is not attracted by such motivation, therefore, with the reduction of Napoleonic complexes, its personal activity also decreases. The owl does not hide from life, but accepts everything as it is, contemplatively observing what is happening. Her humility comes from wisdom, and not from fear of life.
True power comes at the raven stage. His active will is a humble submission to the immediate flow of life, which paradoxically merges with personal responsibility for every choice. Raven is able to give hints, guide and actively move not for the sake of self-aggrandizement, but also - following the natural course of things in the universe. Mystical qualities are attributed to these birds and they are revered as bearers of wisdom and knowledge.
Humility
So, the Russians “received the faith from the Greeks,” which means that we should look for the roots of the issue somewhere in Greece.
The word “humility” comes from the Greek “tapeinofrosyne” - literally, “humility of mind.”
The two roots of this term are translated as “submissive” and “wisdom” or “common sense.” What happened? Submission to common sense?
The semantics of the word already excludes some “masochistic” variations in the interpretation of the virtue of humility. “Where is the famous self-deprecation and self-denigration here?” – the indignant reader will be surprised. Nothing unusual, so far we have simply formalized a broad translation of the word from Greek. Now let's see how the term was understood by the ancestors of our great Ancient Rus'.
“Smeriti” - “moderate” or “soften”. From the very roots of both ancient and modern words, we can identify two obvious ones: “peace” and “measure”.
As a result, we get another logical turn, made from the analysis of our now native language. We are talking about a certain internal measure established by a person, which allows one to find peace of mind.
What is acceptance of a situation?
Acceptance is a new level of understanding.
This is the understanding that everything that happened to you, for some reason, you need.
Understanding that the problem always comes from within you to the outside, and is manifested from within by external circumstances. You receive what you broadcast to the World.
The Outer World signals you, through the situation, what to pay attention to in YOURSELF. Understanding that accepting a situation does not mean agreeing with the injustice of what is happening to you, does not mean submitting to circumstances
Understanding that accepting a situation does not mean agreeing with the injustice of what is happening to you, does not mean submitting to circumstances.
Accept this:
- Agree that the situation has already been created and that we need to move forward based on the presence of this fact.
- Agree that it is impossible to change events, but you can understand them differently.
- Find the reason why this situation arose in your life, and understand what to do so that this does not happen to you.
Crisis: reaction and overcoming
Each of us may experience a stage in life when it seems that problems simply cannot be avoided. It’s good if they are all household and solvable
In this case, it is important not to give up and go towards the intended goal, but there are situations when practically nothing depends on a person - in any case, he will suffer and worry
Psychologists call such situations a crisis and advise taking attempts to overcome it very seriously. Otherwise, its consequences will not allow a person to build a happy future and learn certain lessons from the problem.
Each person reacts to a crisis differently. It depends on inner strength, upbringing and often on social status. It is impossible to predict what an individual's reaction will be to stress and a crisis situation. It happens that at different periods of life the same person can react to stress differently. Despite the differences between people, psychologists have come up with a general formula of 5 stages of accepting the inevitable, which is equally suitable for absolutely all people. With its help, you can effectively help cope with trouble, even if you do not have the opportunity to contact a qualified psychologist or psychiatrist.
Proud parrot
Is in the teenage stage of false power. Does not like to obey, because obedience is associated with a humiliating return to the chick stage. He has his own opinion on all life issues, which he uses for self-affirmation. Positions his false power as true. Most of the time he wears masks that are fashionable in the sphere of his environment, with which he grows together over time.
Often becomes a cynic, contemptuously mocking social foundations. This happens when a parrot believes that it has become so advanced that it has comprehended and even outgrown life itself, which, as it believes, consists only of infantile chick values, in which it itself sacredly believed yesterday. In other words, a cynic, mocking life, is essentially mocking his own naivety. But he still doesn’t know life at all, what he doesn’t even know about.
In order to feel better and superior to the “gray mass”, the parrot is inclined to talk disgustingly about how stupid and base those around him are. He is confident that he knows the way, but when he reaches a dead end, he is indignant at the arrogant stupidity of life, which does not share his “great” knowledge.
He loves to organize satsangs and generously shares his opinion as a great gift of information. Tends to practice typical piggishness under the guise of flexibility and looseness. He perceives other people's ideas and opinions that do not coincide with his “advanced” worldview as stupid illusions.
Capable of reveling in his own “uniqueness” all his life. But one day, if you are “lucky,” he begins to notice that he is constantly walking in a vicious circle, where all his life he works for free for an inferiority complex. There are already a number of articles on this topic on progressman.ru under the tag “self-love.”
At the transitional stage, the parrot's false strength goes away - and along with it the taste for the life that he lived until that moment goes away. After a good break, the parrot has the opportunity to become a contemplative owl.
Second stage: anger
After a person finally realizes his involvement in the problem, he moves to the second stage - anger. This is one of the most difficult stages of the 5 stages of accepting the inevitable; it requires a lot of strength from a person - both mental and physical.
A terminally ill person begins to take out his anger on the healthy and happy people around him. Anger can be expressed by sudden mood swings, screaming, tears and hysterics. In some cases, patients carefully hide their anger, but this requires a lot of effort from them and does not allow them to quickly overcome this stage.
Many people, when faced with trouble, begin to complain about their fate, not understanding why they have to suffer so much. It seems to them that everyone around them treats them without the necessary respect and compassion, which only intensifies the outbursts of anger.
First stage: denial of the situation
Denial of the inevitable is the most natural human reaction to great grief. This stage cannot be avoided; everyone who finds themselves in a difficult situation has to go through it. Most often, denial borders on shock, so a person cannot adequately assess what is happening and seeks to isolate himself from the problem.
If we are talking about seriously ill people, then at the first stage they begin to visit different clinics and undergo tests in the hope that the diagnosis is the result of an error. Many patients turn to alternative medicine or fortune tellers, trying to figure out their future. Along with denial comes fear; it almost completely subjugates a person.
In cases where stress is caused by a serious problem not related to illness, a person tries with all his might to pretend that nothing has changed in his life. He withdraws into himself and refuses to discuss the problem with anyone outside.
Naive chick
This is the stage of false humility. In order to relieve himself of responsibility for his life, the chick seeks the protection of a strong personality, or some higher power capable of playing for him the role of an all-powerful father-protector.
The chick is committed to alien and therefore false ideals, which he himself has not really felt or understood. He easily obeys, can be obedient and hardworking, as long as he believes that by following artificial values he is moving towards happiness.
Does not like to make decisions, stubbornly avoids difficulties, looks for ways to hide from a complex world. He loves all kinds of teachings, including spiritual ones, where he finds instructions for the “correct” life, following which he turns off his brain, suppresses doubts and completely surrenders to the power of the winner of the scammer of authority.
The false humility of a chick is locking himself in a comfort zone in an aquarium, where everything is more or less clear, familiar, where you can hide under a thick blanket and quietly fear life, enjoying the comfort that suffocates the personality, like a pet.
The chick loves to whine about how difficult life is, so that others understand how great his “holy” suffering is, feel sorry for him and, finally, realize what a high level of respect he deserves.
Sometimes the chick expects that for his modesty he will be noticed and awarded all kinds of honors. If life persists, continuing to contradict his expectations, the chick takes the path of a holy martyr of self-destruction in order to prove to the world how cruel and unfair it has been to him.
Over time, if he is “lucky”, he notices that happiness still does not come, he loses his taste for life, his values fade, and the dry adherence to collective rituals becomes forced and forced. This is a transitional stage, at which it becomes increasingly difficult for the chick to squeeze out the energy for artificial lifeless rituals, fake ceremonies and forced smiles.
Fifth stage - accepting the inevitable
Coming to terms with the inevitable or, as they say, accepting it is necessary in order for life to sparkle with bright colors again. This is the final stage according to the Elizabeth Ross classification. But a person must go through this stage on his own; no one can help him overcome the pain and find the strength to accept everything that happened.
At the acceptance stage, sick people are already completely exhausted and are waiting for death as deliverance. They ask loved ones for forgiveness and analyze all the good things they have done in life. Most often during this period, loved ones talk about the peace that can be read on the face of the dying person. He relaxes and enjoys every minute he lives.
If the stress was caused by other tragic events, then the person must completely “get over” the situation and enter into a new life, having recovered from the consequences of the disaster. Unfortunately, it is difficult to say how long this stage should last. It is individual and cannot be controlled. Very often, humility suddenly opens up new horizons for a person, he suddenly begins to perceive life differently than before, and completely changes his environment.
In recent years, the Elizabeth Ross technique has become very popular. Reputable doctors make their own additions and changes to it, even some artists take part in refining this technique. For example, not so long ago the formula of 5 stages of accepting the inevitable according to Shnurov appeared, where the famous St. Petersburg artist in his usual manner defines all stages. Of course, all this is presented in a humorous manner and is intended for the artist’s fans. But still, we should not forget that overcoming the crisis is a serious problem that requires carefully thought-out actions for a successful solution.
