Head of the family

Hi all! Who is in charge in the family is a very popular and aggravated question in many married couples. The partners got married and look at how much was donated by the guests, count the money and think about what to spend it on: buy a fur coat for the wife or make a contribution to buy an apartment, since you don’t want to live with your parents.

Time passed, but it was still impossible to decide. Both stand their ground. Advice is heard from parents: you have become a family and solve this issue together and independently. That's good advice. A new unit of society was formed. The rules of interaction, responsibilities and rights are determined only by the spouses. And the question often arises: who should be the head of the family?

If you pay attention to society, then, recently, more and more couples are beginning to adhere to equality between women and men. Also, the changes affected the concept of “head of the family”.

Secrets from under the blanket3

In everyday life there are continuous advantages, although in sex, many leading girls want to feel weak and defenseless, they dream of hard sexual intercourse; animal instincts manifest themselves when an aggressive male takes possession of a defenseless female. Temperamental people can drive their partner to the point of impotence, demanding frequent changes of positions, multiple orgasms, and long oral sex. If disagreements arise, an unsatisfied lady openly hints at her lover, because she is used to having her wishes fulfilled.

Avoiding marital duties will lead to quarrels, reproaches, and offensive accusations. Any woman wants to feel desired, beautiful, delightful, when there is a companion nearby who can set off fireworks in her body, she will move mountains for him. Therefore, in order to save the family, you will have to look for a compromise; perhaps role-playing games, watching erotic videos or toys for adults will help.

Read more about girls and relationships with the fair sex in our article.

Responsibilities of husband and wife

Who should be the head of the family - husband or wife? When analyzing the question of who should be in charge in the family, it is imperative to touch upon the topic of the responsibilities of each family member. There are many stereotypes on this topic, but everything should be ignored. Leadership is also a responsibility, someone has to play this role, but it is not that simple.

Stereotypes attribute this function to a man (the husband is the head of the family), but in life anything can happen. Well, a person has no resources. So what should I do?

What responsibilities should spouses generally bear? And the answer is simple - as agreed. Until we agree on the necessary issues among ourselves, no one owes anyone anything. In this situation, the leader must be the one who is able to organize a discussion about how responsibilities will be distributed.

It is very important that each family member takes on a certain share of responsibility. Many people do the opposite, forcing them to do this or that, which causes natural resistance. It is important to accustom your child to responsibilities, he also has weight

And it will be useful to him in the future.

Leadership is not an end in itself

Many are pulling the blanket of government over themselves. Although in fact, power for the sake of power is meaningless and destructive. Leadership should be a tool with which you can really improve something in the family. Actually, without this there can be no talk of any leadership. Equality in the family, oddly enough, does not prevent someone from being a leader. Why? Because there can be democracy at home, but without an organizing element it will be difficult.

Two leaders in the family - is it scary or not?

It is often said that a male leader and a female leader cannot live under the same roof.
But this is not true at all. On the contrary, they know how to build partnerships, unite and collaborate. After all, leadership is actually a life strategy that allows you to be the author of life, create it and change it. Alas, this is impossible if you do not take into account other people's opinions. You have to be able to negotiate, and sometimes in roundabout ways.

An amazing fact is that marriages where there are two leaders at home live even longer, because everyone has the habit of giving something for the good of the family, and not forgetting about themselves. As a result, both husband and wife accumulate resources from the other, and everyone’s self-esteem only grows.

Leadership distribution

In general, each person in the family should be a leader, but simply be responsible for a certain area of his responsibilities. And not because he is being controlled, but because he himself decided

A man is the head of a family or a woman – it doesn’t matter, but his task is to organize the moment of taking responsibility and make sure that people fulfill their duties

Ideally, after some time, control should become less and less. That’s when they say “leadership is distributed.” How to do it? To begin with, let's take the entire set of family responsibilities as 100%. Then everyone takes a certain share (ideally, equally) according to what he can.

The leader must organize group control, but each time it must be exercised less and less, but it still persists. This is not a one-year task, as relationships change and new responsibilities may arise.

Ideally, after a certain number of years, the child becomes a full member of the family, and therefore has the same share of responsibilities. But not right away.

Who should be the head of the family - husband or wife? A man is the head of the family as long as he has the most resources. At the same time, the leader’s task is to ensure that others also have more and more of them. Actually, this is exactly what we mean by the concept of “development”.

Family rights and responsibilities

Of course, the main responsibility within the family falls on the shoulders of the man. But we must not forget about joint tasks, by performing which we can achieve that same harmony. These are the following obligations:

When entering into a legal marriage, both husband and wife bear absolutely equal responsibility not only to their own parents, but also to each other’s relatives.
Both husband and wife must equally care for all their children, provide them with a decent existence and raise them. And this rule applies not only to common children, but also to those who were born in previous marriages of both spouses.
A man and a woman should respect each other's religious beliefs.
The same applies to children: parents are obliged to give them the freedom to choose their spiritual destiny, and in no case put pressure or impose their opinion on this matter.
A husband and wife should take equal care of each other's parents, both morally and financially. Provide assistance in housekeeping and do not interfere with grandparents in raising their grandchildren. Issues of care and assistance also concern disabled relatives.
Both spouses are required to maintain good relationships with others, especially colleagues and neighbors.

This is what an approximate list of responsibilities of a husband and wife looks like, by performing which you can build healthy and fulfilling family relationships.

Responsibilities of the head of the family

First we need to consider who a leader is. The head of the family is a variation of this social role. The function of a leader is to unite a social group and move it in a given direction. Moreover, the forms of leadership can be different: both the leader himself and the group can determine goals. Although the decision, of course, is up to the most important thing.

A family is one of the types of social groups. Therefore, the head (husband, wife, child, grandmother - not important) must:

Have a vision of the situation to which he wants to lead everyone.
Unite, that is, perform all related tasks: resolve conflicts, initiate common topics for conversation, help with advice.
Don't be selfish. They often say “I’m in charge” to indulge their whims. This doesn't happen in life. To get something, you have to give something. Therefore, he indulges his whims, but in fact does not become the head of the family. Leadership is possible only when everyone treats the person well. And this is impossible without good deeds.
Feel the needs of the group.
Provide the group with resources.

What roles does a woman perform?

Despite the fact that the man bears great responsibility for the well-being of the family, the wife must provide all the conditions for this. Here's how it happens:

The primary role is that of the wife. This means that the wife should remind her husband of the purpose of life and his responsibilities if he goes astray. And you don’t need to think about having to nag your husband; this needs to be done wisely and carefully. The next role in family responsibilities is mistresses

The wife must become better for her chosen one, so that he does not even have thoughts about paying attention to another woman. A woman should look no worse at home than at work

We all understand that beauty is very important. When a man is angry and not in the best mood, the wife must take on the role of a daughter. This role consists of not annoying your chosen one, being calm and not causing scandals out of nowhere. There are moments in life when a man cannot pay enough attention to his chosen one. Here the role of the sister comes into play, which means that the wife must accept any attention from her husband and not claim more. Her task is to temporarily become an understanding sister for her husband. And the last role is the role of the mother. In this case, the woman is obliged to care for her husband if he is sick or depressed by problems. This is where the role of a caring mother comes into play.

If all the described roles are observed by the wife, then harmony should reign in the family.

All problems are discussed

There is no need to wait for your spouse to figure out the problem that has arisen. Perhaps he doesn't even know about it. If you are tired or upset about something, say so directly. The boss shouted - tell us about it yourself, and don’t wait for questions. The carpet is dirty, and you no longer have the strength - ask your husband to vacuum it, he himself may not even guess.

Only through communication can relationships in the family be built. Therefore, make it a rule to discuss all existing problems. You just need to do this without scandals, shouting and reproaches, in a calm tone. It is absolutely impossible to keep silent about something and isolate yourself, trying to avoid conflict. Such behavior will only create mutual misunderstanding and take problems to the extreme.

There is no need to remain silent, accumulate negativity and irritation. You need to talk openly about your thoughts and feelings. The more sincerely this is done, the easier it is to understand the reasons for discontent. Just don’t sort things out in a state of irritation or with a tipsy spouse. It is better to wait for a more opportune moment to solve the problem.

What should every wife do for her husband?

Show him that you believe in him

Men need positive energy and encouragement to achieve anything in life, and who can encourage a man more than his wife? It is important to show your man that you believe in him and his success. Find a way to show him that you love and believe in him no matter what.

Don't talk about him behind his back

Any couple can have disagreements and discussions, but it is important that you come to an agreement without talking about it to friends or family behind his back

Always be on his side, even when he's not around

If you hear other people discussing or saying something negative about your husband, it is important to show that you are on his side and your marriage and unity are your priority

4. Show your gratitude and appreciation

Everyone likes to be appreciated, but in marriage it's even more important. Show your spouse that you are grateful for everything he does and that you appreciate him for who he is.

Give him passionate kisses and hugs

Physical touch is very important in a relationship, so show your spouse your love by kissing him passionately and hugging him. When your husband goes to work or when he returns home, make sure to show him how much you love and miss him.

Praise him

When it comes to compliments, men and women like different types of appreciation. Tell him what qualities you admire about him and do it often.

Wear nice clothes at home

Of course, when we're at home, we want to feel comfortable, and often sweatpants and a tank top seem like the best option. From time to time this is, of course, normal, but not always. When I talk about wearing nice clothes at home, I'm not saying that you should do it for your husband. Personally, I do it for myself because it makes me feel like myself, it makes me feel better.

Don't argue with him in front of other people

...and especially, avoid quarreling with your husband in front of your children. If you have a disagreement with your partner, it's best to find a place where the two of you can be alone and calmly discuss the situation.

Cook your favorite dishes

Don't wait for him to ask you to cook his favorite dish, but instead take the initiative and treat him to his favorite food regularly.

Make your home a cozy and pleasant place

Home is where you and your husband spend a lot of time, so make it a cozy, comfortable and enjoyable place. Decorate it with flowers, scented candles and other cozy elements to make your husband feel cozy at home.

What do "head of the family" and "patriarchy" mean?

Here's what they say about patriarchy, for example, on Wikipedia:

In essence, patriarchy is male power. Is it good or bad? Perhaps men will say that it is good, and women - bad, but... it should be good for both, so let's think objectively. The fact of having power is not in itself a negative phenomenon. In any organization, the general director is the main bearer of power, and in any state there is also a head - president, king, king, queen, chancellor, secretary general, etc. So what now, let's fight for absolute equality and overthrow the government, simply because the president or director is in a more privileged position? Absurd, isn't it? Hierarchy is present everywhere, in any association of people (and not only people), and this is natural! The question is how the leaders of the hierarchy act...

No to totalitarian patriarchy!

In other words, what is important is not the presence of power as such, but in whose interests it acts. People will be satisfied with the government that acts in their interests

If the government acts in its own personal interests and infringes on the interests of the people, they will, at a minimum, be dissatisfied, and at a maximum, try to overthrow this government. Moreover, this pattern is true for any manifestation of power: in the state, in an organization, in a family. Having power in itself is neither good nor bad, but abuse of power is definitely bad. Consequently, patriarchy as an ideology does not initially pose a threat to harmony in relationships, but the threat is posed by individual men who abuse power under the guise of patriarchy.

Therefore, I will immediately make a reservation that I am against any abuses and excesses. I consider relationships headed by a male despot who abuses power and oppresses women to be a dead end. There will be no happiness in such a family (c). I'll call it totalitarian patriarchy.

Here is an example of such perverted patriarchy from a film with the telling title “Tyrant Husband”:

Note that in this example, the husband does not exercise his rights out of the blue - this is how he takes out his complexes, blaming his wife for his own unfulfillment. These are the true causes of domestic despotism! It is not patriarchy that leads to domestic tyranny, but the complexes, fears and cockroaches of loser men. Patriarchy itself as an idea has nothing to do with it.

Or another example, the series “Always Say Always,” Season 8, Episode 4:

Totalitarian patriarchy is not at all what leads to family happiness...

Yes – to partner patriarchy!

What do I mean by the concept of patriarchy, for which I am ready to vote with both hands? I would call it “partnership patriarchy,” although this is a long-existing Vedic model of relationships between men and women and families, widespread among various nationalities since ancient times, including the ancient Slavs, and still existing, for example, among the Hindus.

A man is a protector and ensures the survival of the family

We draw an intermediate conclusion. The basic purpose of a man is to ensure the survival of his woman and offspring, the whole family. By nature, a man’s tasks include: creating a living space, providing warmth and food (regularly!), and protecting the territory from intruders. A man’s area of responsibility is outside the home.

In short, protect your family from any adversity. The man is a DEFENDER. Of course, he, as is commonly believed, is also a breadwinner, but the concept of “protector” is more general and includes the functions of a breadwinner. For more information about what I mean by the concept of a breadwinner, read the article “Who is a real man? Part 5.1. Breadwinner."

What does it mean to create living space? Previously, it was to dig a hole, occupy a cave, build a hut, in later times - to build a house, today - to rent or buy an apartment, a house, or to build it yourself. In any case, providing housing is a purely male function.

Providing food is also a purely male matter. Once upon a time it was hunting and fishing, although for some today this is the main source of food. In the modern world, in the city - going to the market or supermarket, but this is also a man’s task!

I will discuss all these questions in more detail in separate articles.

What laws exist for the distribution of constructive leadership in the family?

The relationship between men and women is influenced by certain laws that must be followed if they want to have a happy family.

The husband is the head of the family. Not formally, but actually. He takes on the function of breadwinner and breadwinner. And the more responsibilities he has, the better. When the father is the head of the family, he feels his responsibility - that he is irreplaceable, hope and support. As soon as a woman understands and agrees with the statement that the man is the head of the family, she will be able to build a harmonious relationship. If the clear leader is the husband, then the role of the “gray eminence” is given to the wife. She doesn't mind small things and quietly manages him when making important decisions, thereby not undermining his authority.

The wife is the head of the family. Sometimes a woman seizes the leadership position in the family, doing it openly and openly. Earning the same amount as her husband or more, raising children and taking care of the household, a woman tries to bypass and suppress her partner, taking over his area of family responsibilities. A strong man, in turn, resists the onslaught. As a result, conflict situations arise, sometimes unresolvable. Once the wife happily gives up leadership, she can be a woman and the husband can be a man.

Two leaders in the family. If both spouses are leaders by nature, how to determine who is in charge in the family? Husband or wife? Such a family breaks up even at the stage of formation. Any topic becomes a subject of controversy, making a simple decision is the cause of a serious conflict and long-term grievances, and a difference of opinions becomes a scandal. The solution is compromise and concession.

Equality in the family is a fashionable trend of our time. But, a priori, this cannot be. There will always be a leader. Equality means a partnership in which responsibilities, skills and abilities are shared equally. Each family member is a master in his own area. When making joint decisions, spouses express their personal point of view to each other. Only one bears responsibility, while the other supports the decision. Respecting each other's rights, they are ready to come to the aid of their other half.

Who is in charge in the house - husband or wife?

Many marriages are destroyed due to the fact that the spouses do not know how to build relationships. Two adults share responsibilities that help strengthen the family. And yet, the main responsibility for the family lies with the man. He earns money, provides housing for his family, and raises children. And family members should be grateful to him for this and respect him.

The woman mainly does household chores and also raises children.

If agreements are discussed in advance, there will be fewer conflicts in the family.

To solve family problems constructively, it is necessary to know the responsibilities of spouses, which always remain unchanged.

Husband's responsibilities

Financial support for the family;
Protection of wife and children;
Devotion to them;
Family leadership and control;
Making important decisions.

Responsibilities of a wife

Giving birth and raising children;
Support your husband in any situation;
Creating a cozy home;
Establishing good relationships in the family;
Providing moral assistance to the husband.

The Church's attitude to this issue

What does the church think about who is in charge in the family: a man or a woman? Of course, she attributes this role to the stronger sex, because this has been a cultural feature for many centuries.

At the same time, she says that since a man is the head of the family, much more will be asked of him at the Last Judgment and during his lifetime. The fact of leadership does not negate the need to adhere to the two main commandments: “Love God with all your heart” and “Love your neighbor as yourself.”

Who should be the head of the family - husband or wife? The wife is the head of the family, this is rather nonsense for the church, but again, in reality everything is not so formulaic. In different situations, leadership can be taken by anyone.

If a woman really knows more about a certain issue (this is absolutely normal), then what’s wrong with a man delegating some of his responsibilities to her for a while.

The same applies to issues such as the mother being the head of the family or the father. This must be dealt with constructively and lovingly.

In general, follow the main rule - first resources, and then power. If people trust you, and you don’t have enough strength to lead those close to you to their goal, then you will only ruin everything.

The main achievement is for love to become stronger every year. And then questions like “a woman is the head of the family or a man” simply will not arise. Whoever can, leads. Nobody can, and this is unrealistic. Sooner or later, the roles will be distributed on their own, and someone can be a leader, and you won’t even think about it. How to restore peace in the family?

According to psychologists, a family is a small state ruled by a man who is fair, brave, and able to stand up for his loved ones. Only then will the family develop correctly.

But today in many families all household chores fall on the shoulders of women.

What will happen to such a family if a woman is in charge? First, she must get rid of the emotions that overwhelm her, because basically all women are too emotional.

Will she be able to protect her family from danger? No, only a man can do this. In a normal healthy family, the head of the family is usually the husband.

What qualities should the head of the family have?

Each family member has the right to vote, and the head must respect each, but choose the fairest. If he listens only to himself, he will hardly be respected. The title of a tyrant who revels in his importance will take root behind him;
Any man is obliged to provide his family with everything necessary so that its members do not need anything. But in modern life there are often cases when a wife earns money and supports both the children and the husband, while he lies on the couch and drinks beer;
The head of the family must be competent in all family matters.

To be a true head of the family, this status must be supported by deeds.

How to transfer leadership in the family to a man

A woman’s inability to rest and relax is a key reason for role confusion in relationships. Girls often forget that they need to take time for themselves and remain feminine. Therefore, the first thing you need to do is take care of yourself.

Next, it is important to learn to trust your man. This may be difficult to do at first.

A man can make mistakes and do things differently than the woman planned. But you shouldn’t react violently to this; it’s better to support him with a kind word.

You cannot be disappointed in your partner, blame and humiliate him. This is a bad motivation for him and a recipe for neglect for her. It pays to be lenient and willing to compromise. Noticing even small successes and praising him for them is a good recipe for returning a leadership position to your husband.

It is important to show the man that the lady wants to give him the leading role in the family. It is necessary to remind the spouse that a woman needs a man’s strong shoulder and sees him as the breadwinner and protector of the family

Patriarchy or matriarchy is the personal choice of a married couple. The key point in a relationship is the comfort of both partners, regardless of their roles. If the spouses do not like the state of affairs, they need to discuss the problem and come to a solution together, avoiding quarrels and misunderstandings.

I like it I don't like it

Let's go back to the ancients

The responsibilities of the wife and husband in the family did not appear out of nowhere; they were based on knowledge about the nature of relationships. And nowhere without the principles of male and female psychology. It was believed that if all knowledge is used correctly in marriage, then a happy family life is guaranteed. The basis of a family is harmony and mutual understanding, but it is impossible to achieve these heights if you do not study your responsibilities and try as hard as possible to follow them, and not just point out to your chosen one what he should do. This behavior will only add problems and increase the number of quarrels and disagreements in family life.

What does partnership mean and is it possible under patriarchy?

Let's look into Ozhegov's explanatory dictionary:

The first meaning of the word is more suitable for our conversation, and there are no contradictions here, you can see for yourself. Already from the definition it follows that under patriarchy partnership is possible. The opposite is also possible; everything depends on specific people, and not on the presence or absence of power. However, I will present my thoughts on the contradiction of partnership and hierarchy with the distribution of roles.

The founders of the organization are partners

Let me turn to a business analogy. Let's imagine a commercial organization with two founders. The roles are clearly distributed: one produces the product (or manages production), the second sells (or manages sales). In this case, the first partner may have a controlling stake in the product, say, 60%, and the second – 40%. It happens in different ways, both 5/95 and 50/50, and all these situations have the right to life. In our example, there is no formal mathematical equality, but there is no discrimination either. Lack of mathematical equality does not mean discrimination, because happy is not the one who has a lot or the same amount, but the one who has enough! So they agreed when creating a joint stock company, voluntarily, it was beneficial for both. Roles have been assigned, and no one thinks of interfering in the affairs of others. Everything works great and everyone is happy. Although, there is a hierarchy and roles, as in any organization. Why not a partnership?

PARTNERS ARE NOT ONLY THOSE WHO SHARE THE COMPANY’S PROFIT EQUALLY, BUT EVERYONE WHO RECEIVES AT LEAST SOME PROFIT

I repeat, it does not matter that there is someone in charge, that the shares in the authorized capital are not equal and that roles and areas of responsibility are distributed. The main thing is that the company operates efficiently and makes a profit, and that the founders are satisfied with the result

Likewise, it does not matter that a man has priority in decision-making. It is important that they are happy with each other.

So, partner patriarchy implies that STRATEGICALLY IMPORTANT DECISIONS IN THE FAMILY ARE MADE BY THE HUSBAND AND DOES THIS IN THE INTERESTS OF THE FAMILY, and therefore in the interests of the woman. This format of relationship does not at all deny discussions and participation in decision-making by both spouses, but the last word remains with the man.

Here is one of the cinematic examples of the manifestation of male dominance in the family (series “Always Say Always”, season 5, episode 4):

In a critical situation, a man correctly but firmly told his woman what to do, and she obeyed him, although she is a successful leader, the CEO of a company

At the same time, pay attention to how tender the relationship is between them and how relaxed and protected the main character is next to her man. This is true patriarchy

Or another episode from the film “Gingerbread from Potatoes”. In the story, a girl asked a guy doing renovations in a neighbor's house to enter into a fictitious marriage with her so that she could adopt a boy who had become an orphan...

And here she is a business leader, accustomed to commanding and building men. But that was not the case... And she did not resist for long, and then out of habit. After which she relaxed and experienced a real thrill from having a strong man nearby, capable of resolving issues and making decisions for her. Which I immediately told my friend about in joy. It all ended in a real family idyll. He makes decisions, and she is relaxed, content, and peaceful:

Many will say that this is a fairy tale, it doesn’t happen, but that doesn’t matter now. I'm just trying to demonstrate the idea, and it's this:. THE MAN IS THE CHIEF, AND THE WOMAN IS HAPPY

THE MAN IS THE CHIEF, AND THE WOMAN IS HAPPY.

The difference between a male leader and a male despot is significant. The head is responsible for everything, he is to blame for everything. The despot is not responsible (or pretends to be), and everyone around him is to blame. Do you feel the difference?

It is obvious that a man and a woman can only be happy together. It does not happen that in one family the husband is happy and the wife is unhappy, or vice versa. Thus, for happiness and harmonious relationships, a win-win strategy is necessary, the responsibility for the implementation of which lies with the head of the family - the man. Abuse of power will lead to decisions being made that are beneficial to the man and disadvantageous to the woman (and children), which means that the original essence of patriarchy will be violated, which can be expressed by the following formula:

FOR A WIFE, THE HUSBAND'S WORD IS THE LAW, FOR A HUSBAND, THE INTERESTS OF THE WIFE AND CHILDREN ARE ABOVE ALL

The role of a woman - mother in the family

For every person, a mother is sacred.

Man and woman complement each other. Combining together, they form a harmonious whole. A woman has the right to give birth to children by nature. The child is a part of her existence, physical and mental.

For harmonious personality development, it is necessary for the child to gain experience in relationships with both parents.

Of course, a child takes on many qualities from his father. But his mother carries him under her heart, and this creates an eternal connection between them. She gives the child tender care and protection, and the father - strength and security. A mother's love for her child is the only selfless and boundless love.

A child always needs a mother. Mother's love gives the child a feeling of security, safety, and reliability.

It is in childhood that the foundations of a child’s attitude towards himself, his parents, and the people around him are laid. Whether he will trust people, feel confident, or be proactive - largely depends on the relationship between father and mother.

Prove that you are in charge

Some men reason like this: I’m a man, so my wife should obey me. And with all her behavior she seems to be hinting to him: “And you must prove that you are in charge.” A man must convince her of this with his skills, actions, and not just words. How does an employee become a manager in an enterprise? He goes through all job levels - from the lowest level to the highest. “I started from scratch,” many successful people say with pride when they want to highlight their achievements. They gained their authority gradually, by deeds.

In many families, the first years of marriage are spent figuring out who is in charge. This struggle is often caused by uncontrollable impulses, competitiveness, which we either do not want or cannot admit to ourselves. The old man, passionate and sinful, sits so deeply within us. In any team, wherever we go, starting from kindergarten, the same checks await us. In most cases, a woman will unconsciously provoke a man and test him. She must understand: who is next to her, a wrestler or a weakling, and if a wrestler, then what weight category? She wants to make sure that he is really in charge, that he is strong, smart, reliable, that he can be a worthy husband and father of the family.

This is important to her

A man risks being misunderstood in the future if he does not declare his status from the very beginning, if he cannot establish himself and defend his position. Who would like it if the husband sways like a pendulum when it comes to his responsibilities, if he does not want to take on any responsibility! The wife will respect his strength when she sees his confidence and firmness, especially when it comes to making decisions that are important for the whole family, protecting the interests of the woman or children. Then the weak half is not afraid to be weak and does not use weapons of defense: competition, power struggles or attacks. It is more convenient and profitable for her to obey a strong man. A man who is masculine can help a woman become feminine. Although they often say the opposite - that a woman helps a man become more masculine. Next to her, he turns into a real man.

In fact, an important condition in this matter will be mutual influence. A woman helps a man become strong by stimulating his self-confidence, emphasizing his natural abilities, encouraging him, because praise is the language of communication with a man

In turn, a man pays attention to a woman’s appearance, her kindness and spiritual beauty. So they will complement each other

Of course, a lot is laid down in childhood, depends on upbringing, traditions adopted from parents. And it depends on how consciously the spouses approach this issue. After all, it is parents who raise a future man in a boy, and a woman in a girl. But the person himself, having realized how far he is from the ideal and how imperfect his upbringing was, can correct a lot in himself.

Yin-Yang: the unity of opposites

These differences are figuratively reflected in the eastern symbol of Yin-Yang, where the black part is Yin - female, the white part - Yang - male. And no one says that a man is better than a woman and vice versa. This symbol speaks of the difference and unity of opposites. The fact that one without the other will not be harmony, one cannot replace the other, and complete harmony is possible only in one case - when two are together and perfectly complement each other, while each is engaged in those activities that correspond to his natural purpose. A man does not babysit children for years on end while a woman runs through the forest with a spear)))

These are all simple examples to make it clear. Now you don’t have to run after a mammoth, and instead of a fire there is heating and a gas stove. But the essence does not change. Life is still difficult, dangerous, and a woman’s safety is a man’s business. Security – in a broad sense: life security, financial security, social security, health protection, etc. Consequently, his task is to provide the woman with housing and the necessary finances in order to relieve her of the need to be a breadwinner. She doesn't need it, she has other functions. She will qualitatively and with pleasure put things in order in the house and create comfort in it, but this house must first be provided to her.

More about all this in separate articles.

The difference between heroism and leadership

Unfortunately, people often confuse the concepts of heroism and leadership. The main difference is that the latter delegates responsibilities, rather than doing everything for everyone and making sure that other members of the family clan carry them out. In addition, the leader does not forget about himself. The hero provides everyone with resources, but does not think about himself at all. As a result, it burns out.

And as a result, the energy sector goes downhill, the strength to earn resources for the family becomes less and less every year, and such marriages rarely end well. The main rule of system stability is the involvement of all its elements. If only one person in a family does something, it is wrong. We need to find ways to involve everyone. And a true leader takes some of the burden off himself.

The role of the wife in the family

Being a wife is not an easy task. You need to know a lot and be able to do a lot. And to live for many years with one person and not get tired of each other is generally the height of skill. After all, you have to go to bed and get up in the morning alone with him. Go to work, solve the same household tasks - buy groceries, cook, wash, iron. And so on day after day.

Some people get tired of this monotony and try to diversify their lives on the side.

How can you paint such a routine with bright colors for your husband and yourself? How can I prevent him from being drawn to seek happiness elsewhere?

According to ancient Vedic scriptures, a woman in a family should fulfill 5 roles. What are these roles?

Wife

She should be with her husband in sorrow and in joy, wealth and poverty, sickness and health. A wife is a man’s colleague and ally, his assistant, like-minded person and right hand. It is she who reminds him of his purpose in life, that he is responsible for his children and is obliged to teach them to live according to the laws of life.

Mother

A woman should take care of her husband even more than her children. She must create a rear where a man could come after work, relax and unwind.

Daughter

If in the role of a mother the wife dominates, in the role of a sister she is an equal, then in the role of a daughter she submits.

If the wife copes well with the role of mother, the husband becomes calm and confident. If he succeeds well in the role of a sister, he becomes responsible. And for the sake of his daughter, he is ready to move mountains, just to fulfill her whims.

The daughter knows how to be weak, but she also knows how to obey, because if she is disobedient, she will not be able to achieve protection.

She will not add fuel to the fire if her husband is angry. The main thing is to be silent at this time so that he calms down.

They fought and won

Strength arises from a lack of confidence in the future; the burden of responsibility for oneself and one’s family forces one to look for radically opposite ways to solve the assigned problems. One of the first feminists was Abigail Adams, being the wife of the second president of the United States, she dared to give him advice on political topics, expressed her disagreement about the oppressed position of women, and even threatened to start a riot. John Adams perceived all claims with humor, but water, as we know, wears away stones, and over time he began to listen to her and even consult her. The result was the opportunity for girls to receive education on an equal basis with boys.

In France, Olympe de Gouges fiercely defended the right to divorce, the possibility of civil marriage, the recognition of illegitimate children, created a declaration, but in 1793 she was accused of high treason and executed as a criminal. She, and many other brave representatives of emancipation, became a victim of the legal system.

Sojourner Truth is the first black woman who dared, after all the trials of the slave system, to declare gender equality. Having survived violence, beatings, the tragic death of a loved one, the ransom of her own child, she did not give up and in 1843 she openly stated her demands by speaking at a convention on family rights.

In our country, the initiator of the changes was Maria Trubnikova, thanks to her efforts, higher education for girls was allowed, permission was received to open various workshops where exclusively ladies worked. Together with her compatriots, she achieved the opening of special apartments in St. Petersburg, where fugitives in need of protection could hide from domestic abuse. And in addition to everything, Trubnikova was one of the first to put on trousers, proving the seriousness of her intentions in the battle for power.

Is there a difference between a wife and a spouse?

The first thing to consider is whether there are differences between these two concepts. And it should immediately be noted that many of those who were not interested in the relevant issue consider the words “wife” and “spouse” to be synonymous.

And indeed it is. But there is still one nuance. Many people misunderstand the meaning of the concept “synonym”. They think that the corresponding words are completely identical, and exist solely to avoid tautology in the text.

However, this is not the case. To demonstrate this, we should take some striking example - let it be the word “house”.

The following can be synonyms for it:

hut;
villa;
mansions;
palace, etc.

Even a child will say that the concepts listed are not identical to the word “house,” although in certain situations they may be so. The situation is approximately the same with the “wife” and “spouse”. These words have different natures.

Thus, several hundred years ago in Russia, the word wife did not mean a married woman, but absolutely any representative of the “weaker sex.” The same goes for my husband.

The above is known to many, but few know where “spouse” came from. It arose from the word “supryaga”. This in turn means a couple yoked together.

Therefore, this word was used in relation to a man and woman of peasant origin, who live together, lead a common life, but are not blood relatives in relation to each other.

That is, they actually lead a family life and are husband and wife in the modern sense. It should also be noted that in the old days there was no division of this word into two. There was only one concept - “spouse”. This was due to the fact that at that time there was no particular need to complicate the language, since the peasants had very limited rights, and a minimal set of terms was enough to interact with them.

It also follows about - the word is more capacious. He assumes that a woman is a man’s ally in common affairs, and she helps him in every possible way with them.

The need to create a separate concept was most likely due to the fact that the words husband and wife in the old days had a broad meaning, and a separate term was introduced to avoid confusion.

Who will our man be?

Let's assume that the husband has realized his role as the breadwinner and head of the family. What is the role of the wife? She is responsible for the “weather in the house”, prepares the conditions for her husband to feel comfortable, so that the family is an outlet for him, a place where he can calmly gain strength in order to move on into the external, sometimes aggressive, environment . But very often our women do not see themselves in such a role or it is given to them with great difficulty.

At a group lesson on the topic “Strong man, weak woman,” someone suggested: “Let’s play out these roles! Who will our man be?” One man sat in the pose of Rodin’s “The Thinker” and was silent. The other perched to the side, as if out of frame, so that he could not be seen. And the women are discussing who will play the man. Several participants eagerly suggest: “Let’s take this one? Or maybe you? Or maybe me? What is a strong man? The men sit and are silent. And suddenly the women remember that the psychologist is also present at the lesson, and rush for help: “Well, who, who will be a man, how will we continue?” We have to answer that it would be good to stop now and think about what is happening. After all, the process is already underway. They realize: “Oh, come on... We understand everything.” I ask: “What did you understand?” They answer: “Well, the men are sitting and silent! And we, as always, take everything upon ourselves and didn’t even think to ask them. We have already decided everything, decided everything.” When the group members summed up the results of this lesson, one girl said: “I realized: in relationships with men, I am always the leader. Without waiting for what he would say, how he would behave, I had already asked the question and answered it, I had already decided everything. And he remains in the shadows.”

It is clear that this girl is in a hurry and takes everything into her own hands. But why? Because she sees that her partner is uninitiative and passive. There is a problem of two here. A woman should wait, step into the shadows, as it were, and give the man the opportunity to express himself.

When I tell women about this, they usually answer: “What are you talking about! I give him a day, two, three, and wait for a decision from him. And he…” Men, in turn, conclude: yes, women don’t let them decide anything! Therefore, the first recipe for a man is to take the initiative in family relationships. The second recipe, which follows on from the first, is to take responsibility for the consequences of your decisions. No matter what they are - good or bad. And one more thing: you don’t need to be afraid of mistakes.

Gender roles are not a social convention, but a natural expediency

Thus, the classical, archaic or “Eastern” idea of gender roles is not the result of fiction, social labels, traditions, or a desire to degrade women in society. This is only a consequence of one thing - natural expediency. Everything else - upbringing, society, traditions, “East” - appeared later. As usual, there were some perversions: “a woman’s place is in the kitchen” or the belittling of women’s rights and their career opportunities, which is why feminism arose as a defensive reaction to all these humiliations. People will always find a way to pervert a good idea, but nature is not to blame for this, nor is the concept being presented. And boys in childhood play with war, and girls play with dolls, not because society imposes it. More precisely, society may impose it, but not without reason.

Why is a man the head of the family? conclusions

So,

1) Patriarchy and the primacy of the husband in the family means that the key decisions are made by the husband and that he does this in the interests of the family. A man does not humiliate a woman or exclude her from discussions and decision-making, but he has the last word. Patriarchy initially implies a partnership between spouses.

2) Abuse of one’s position in the family leads to the oppression of a woman with all the consequences of this, which modern society so persistently opposes. This is totalitarian patriarchy - patriarchy in a perverted form, which is created by loser men, of their own free will and due to the presence of certain complexes and fears, and this has nothing to do with the very idea of patriarchy. It is clear that there will be no happiness and harmony in such a family.

3) Partner patriarchy is essentially an ancient Vedic model of relations between a man and a woman, which does not imply inequality or discrimination. But it implies a division of roles, which is most effective, based on the obvious biological differences between men and women, as well as the differences in male and female energies: the man is at the front, the woman is in the rear. The front is more important than the rear and is responsible for its survival: in business, in war, in the family. Therefore, the head of the family is the one who is at the front. Traditionally this is a man.

The next article is about what will happen if there is a woman at the front and at the head of the family. Or both spouses equally.

What are men's deeds and actions?

Thus, our different natural tasks and purposes initially set different characteristics of the body, spirit, and psyche. But our life is not limited to childbirth and diapers, it is more diverse. However, the initially inherent natural features leave their mark on our predispositions to certain activities. This is where “men’s affairs” and “women’s affairs” arise, actions “like a man”, actions “like a woman”. The same expediency. For example, knitting is a woman’s job: creativity, perseverance, delicate painstaking work - a woman will do all this with more pleasure and much better than a man. By nature, it is more suitable for this with all its features. But providing her with tools for knitting and sewing - going to an anvil and using a sledgehammer to forge scissors and knitting needles - is already a masculine topic, for obvious reasons. This division of functions is natural. And not at all because a male despot wanted it so or because “a woman’s place is in the kitchen”)))

Or another example, you need to choose which curtains in the bedroom to match the color of the wallpaper. Obviously, a woman can handle this task better. Yes, it’s possible together, she can ask his opinion, but in this process she is still the leader, and he is the follower. And when the decision is made, another task arises - buy, deliver, hang. Dull, rough work that could be better handled by... )))) Yes, a woman can do this too, but why, figuratively speaking, get your hands dirty? Why does she need all these hemorrhoids? This is not a royal matter... For hemorrhoids there is a man. In general - expediency.

Many people accuse me of male chauvinism, apparently not fully understanding the idea. I will emphasize: a man’s job is not a job that a woman is not worthy to take on. This is a task that a woman deserves not to take on.