10 ways to cope with anger - learning to manage irritation and anger

We all get annoyed by something or someone from time to time - a neighbor's hammer drill, newbies on the road, and people who listen to music on public transport without headphones. And often the resulting irritation develops into an outburst of anger with all that it entails: loud screams, scandals or even a fight.

Since making a scene is unacceptable, let alone physical violence, many of us wonder how to deal with anger. Would you like to do this too? Then scroll down - we have prepared 10 truly useful tips that work.

Clearing the windfall and reviving what was lost

A person who has expressed his anger for many years and fought for his rights and satisfaction of needs with problematic ways of expressing anger has most likely already broken a lot of wood and his life path is littered with a storm of problems and broken relationships.

What to do? Some things can be changed, some can no longer be changed. You can try to restore lost relationships, you can accept what is lost, mourn it and move on. You can learn to ask for forgiveness and ask for forgiveness from those you have hurt. You can receive this forgiveness from them, or perhaps they will decide not to forgive.

What could our hero do?

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“How to overcome anger. Part 4″

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“How to overcome anger. Part 4"

Tips on how to get rid of resentment

Simple practices on how to get rid of feelings of resentment come down to restoring balance. Essentially, this experience occurs when we try to demand the treatment that is due to us, be it respect, a gift, time spent together, or the absence of offensive words. To stop manipulating with a sour facial expression and small reproaches, you will have to turn on reflection and admit to your ego what critically important things it does not receive in interaction, but the person himself is still of great value.

As soon as the presence of resentment is recognized, it no longer controls the experience and it can be controlled, and the more clearly it is drawn, the better, so it is recommended to write down who and specifically why you were offended, that the person did such a terrible thing. It helps well to write down what you are waiting for, so that you feel better - an apology, a gift, a change in your lifestyle, and perhaps you will understand that the person did not mean to cause harm. If it is not possible to find satisfying ways of redemption, then we are talking about unconstructive behavior, because if it is an offense against a fact, then it can be forgiven, and what cannot be redeemed cannot be endured. Often, resentment can arise as a child’s reaction to dissatisfaction of whims, and only responsibility, and not attempts to knock out one’s happiness from others, fills one’s emotions emotionally.

How to get rid of resentment towards people? Psychological techniques include, instead of cultivating negativity inside, talk to the person, if this is still possible. While you put yourself in a position of resentment, it creates a false sense of power, that you are owed, in reality, mature relationships are built on interaction and clarification. After talking, you can understand the motives of his actions and perhaps see development in this for yourself. It happens that different principles of communication can be interpreted differently, and the meaning was only in misunderstanding. Having come across the fact that a person really hurt you and is going to do the same in the future, then you have a unique chance to get out of a destructive relationship, instead of trying to manipulate. But do not start a dialogue while emotions are still fresh, give time for the most acute phase to pass, otherwise, behind your own pain, you only risk turning passive dissatisfaction into a real open conflict with the classics of accusations and remembering all the negativity over the past years.

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How should others behave with a person in a state of acute stress? Is it possible to help him? Of course, such a person needs help. I will tell you in more detail about the mistakes that loved ones most often make. Firstly, you should not get emotionally involved in a hysteria. Try to remain calm. This is quite difficult, because human emotions are induced and contagious, that is, they are transmitted from person to person. For example, I extend my hand to you, and you automatically extend yours to me, I smile, and you smile back. When a person next to us is mentally excited, we gradually enter into resonance with him. Especially if this is a person close to us. A simple analogy: imagine two strings - one vibrates, the second begins to vibrate, but on the other hand, if one quiets down, it dampens the vibration of the other. Therefore, the first aid for a person in hysterics will be your calm and detachment. Pulling away does not mean slamming the door and walking out. It is necessary to use logic instead of emotions, that is, to create a counterbalance, to stop feeding the emotional reactions of the sufferer. Speak to him in a calm, even tone, and move slowly and smoothly. Secondly, do not try to give advice and logical consolations to a person in such a state. He still doesn’t hear them and requires your attention not at all in order to solve the problem. At the moment, he simply needs your participation, a feeling of unity with another person. Also, at moments of the highest intensity of emotions, you should not discuss with him what happened. On the contrary, try to switch the person’s attention to something else. For example, ask: “What happened in yesterday’s TV series?”, “Do you want vanilla ice cream or lemon?” When the hysteria passes, you will definitely talk about what happened, but that will happen later.

Is there some kind of algorithm, that is, a procedure for removing a person from a hysterical state? First of all, create a feeling of security at the body level - hug him, take his hand and just sit next to him. In a stressful state, people, especially women, reduce, that is, fall into childhood (screaming, sobbing, throwing, breaking objects). What do we do with children when we try to calm them down? We take her in our arms, stroke her head, and soothe her with gentle words. In a calm and even voice, with a slightly lower timbre, talk to the person - but not about what happened, but about abstract topics. Then try taking him for a walk. Physical activity helps eliminate stress hormones that have led to increased blood pressure, increased heart rate, and general agitation. When the person calms down a little, be sure to talk to him about what happened. This is a very important psychotherapeutic aspect. Let him speak out, free himself from everything that hurts, once again say out loud what haunts him, complain, complain. If you do not allow a person to speak out, then his experiences will turn into an internal dialogue, and he simply will not be able to sleep. And sleep is very important in such a state. Remember that our body and psyche are inextricably linked. Calm the body - the psyche will calm down, and vice versa. There are many ways - from taking sedatives (phytotherapeutic and stronger) to relaxing pine baths and quiet music. Give a person a massage, but it is not at all necessary to master his technique. Measure your blood pressure and count your pulse. Any ritual actions and processes (measuring blood pressure, for example) distract attention and signal to the brain: “You are being helped, you can relax.” Eliminate TV, computer and any other stimulating factors. It is very important for a person under stress to fall asleep. During sleep, information processing processes occur, experiences turn into dreams, emotions are extinguished. That is why they say that the morning is wiser than the evening.

What to do if a person experiences stress alone and does not have the opportunity to turn to anyone for help? You need to do the same thing, but on your own. Pulling yourself together is sometimes difficult even for the strongest and most strong-willed person, so you just need to get up and perform the described actions purely mechanically. Just trust what is written in this article. Get dressed and literally kick yourself out onto the street. Go to a store or cafe. The people you meet along the way will in themselves charge you with their calmness. On the street you may notice a beggar who is freezing in tattered clothes and, perhaps, your trouble will seem less tragic to you. If you notice the birds, buy an extra bun at the store and feed them, because every third tit freezes from hunger in winter. Any altruistic action helps to overcome one's own grief. Believe me, there is always someone who is even worse off than you. I really like the phrase: “If you’re in a bad mood, pet the cat.” It works, I tested it personally! It is important to understand that you will not feel better immediately. We are not robots - I switched the program, and it became fun. But taken together, all of the above things will work. Step by step, bit by bit, you will regain your lost peace of mind, even if you find yourself alone at a moment of stress. The main thing is not to focus on yourself, take steps towards people, and then next time you will definitely have a loved one next to you who will support you. Source: “Your Health” magazine

How exercise helps you cope with anger

30 minutes of intense exercise is enough Acute Exercise Prevents Angry Mood Induction but Does Not Change Angry Emotions to let go of anger. Physical activity will not change your attitude towards the source of the problem, but you will begin to react to it much calmer, and in general you will feel better.

This effect of exercise can be attributed to the release of beta-endorphins Opioid Release after High-Intensity Interval Training in Healthy Human Subjects. These neuropeptides are produced in the brain in response to pain or stress, bind to opioid receptors, have analgesic effects and can cause euphoria.

In addition, exercise increases How to increase serotonin in the human brain without drugs the synthesis of tryptophan, the amino acid from which serotonin is “made.” Training to the point of fatigue increases its content in the blood plasma and reduces the level of other amino acids: leucine, isoleucine and valine (BCAA), which prevent tryptophan from entering the brain. Due to this, there is more of it there, which means the synthesis of serotonin, a neurotransmitter that ensures a good mood, increases.

It relaxes you, gives you a feeling of pleasure and, among other things, reduces the expression of anger.

Moreover, training will help not only cope with emotions right now, but also better control yourself in the long term. Regular exercise helps Be active and become happy: an ecological momentary assessment of physical activity and mood. general calmness, reduce Effects of Physical Exercise on Cognitive Functioning and Wellbeing: Biological and Psychological Benefits anxiety, hostility and tension, increase emotional stability.

Moreover, exercise increases Acute effects of physical exercise on prefrontal cortex activity in older adults: a functional near-infrared spectroscopy study., Effects of Physical Exercise on Cognitive Functioning and Wellbeing: Biological and Psychological Benefits activity of the prefrontal cortex, which, among other things , helps to cope with emotions and keep yourself in control.

How to overcome anger: getting out of the trap

So, we've looked at how people get and get stuck in the trap of anger. How to overcome anger? We have seen that the chain of problematic expression of anger passes through our mental assessments, affects our bodily state and is reflected in the choice of behavior.

Therefore, by changing our assessments, learning techniques for regulating our physical and emotional state, and mastering new rules and behaviors, we can interrupt the maintenance cycles of inappropriate expression of anger and learn to respond more realistically in life situations.

How to technically do this? How to overcome anger?

Start with a diary of problematic episodes of anger: from it you will learn about your thoughts and behavior strategies, as well as bodily signs that your “degree” of anger is starting to go off scale. What will it give? Behind your thoughts you will see your dysfunctional beliefs, which can then be checked against reality and changed to more adaptive and useful ones.

How to change your thoughts and beliefs? Many books have been written about this - choose any one and start changing. We can especially recommend self-help books in the direction of cognitive behavioral therapy: Padesky “Managing Your Good Mood” or Clark “Sos. Control your emotions. How to cope with anxiety, anger and depression."

As a result of changing your beliefs, you will be able to develop a more adaptive and effective philosophy of life, and you will no longer be tormented by the question of how to overcome anger.

Behind your behavior you will discover your problematic life rules, which can also be tested to see how effectively they guide you in your life goals and improve your relationships with people.

They can also be changed, and, if necessary, new ones can be learned - for example, the rules of assertive behavior (self-confident, friendly, but persistently standing up for one’s rights). Sometimes you will have to learn new social and communication skills and conflict resolution skills.

We need to remember that no one prohibits aggressive behavior: our task is to ensure that the expression of anger is adequate to the real threat and leads us as much as possible to satisfying our needs. The more adaptive our philosophy of life and the more conscious our choice of behavior, the wider the range of our behavioral strategies, the more flexible we are in our reactions and the more effective we are in the world.

How will knowledge about your bodily reactions be useful? You will be able to monitor your “boil” long before you explode with anger, and you will be able to use techniques for regulating your emotional state, relieving physiological stress, avoiding triggers and calming down, and use these moments to switch to your thoughts and choose a more appropriate expression of anger.

What techniques can help you:

Mindfulness breathing training
Mindfulness meditation
Progressive muscle relaxation
Mantra
Yoga
Prayer
Resourceful imagination
Coping thoughts
Stress management
Other resource activities

Ways to deal with anger

Self-training for anger and rage. A person must tune in to positive emotions, mentally say goodbye to the anger that sometimes arises in him, learn to forgive other people, and accept everyone as they are.
Straight Talk. You need to learn to communicate with loved ones without anger; if there is something painful, it is better to talk about it, not to keep it to yourself, not to accumulate anger towards someone.
If some misunderstandings arise between loved ones, a conflict begins to develop and it is not possible to resolve it peacefully, sometimes it is better to take a short break in the relationship, give each other time so that they realize their mistakes, so that the partners can understand the reasons why. in which they have negative emotions in relation to each other.
To get rid of envy and anger towards a certain person, you need to learn to ignore communication with this person or reduce it to a minimum. The individual must learn to get rid of irritating factors or put mental blocks in front of what causes feelings of anger.
Playing sports. Often, you can throw out excess negativity with the help of physical exercises, for example, you don’t have to do boxing or some kind of martial arts, you can go to the gym, thereby getting rid of aggression.
You need to learn to define the boundaries of personal space; perhaps there are people who encroach on it and thereby cause irritation. Indicate to the individuals with whom you communicate that it is unacceptable to be at a very short distance, you need to keep your distance.
Take up meditation, master Eastern practices. This will make it easier for you to learn to relax and get rid of negative thoughts and emotions.
Learn to give free rein to your own emotions, do not hold back all the accumulated negativity. In fact, being angry is good, a person should show different emotions, not only laugh, have fun. If there is a need, he should be angry. The main thing is that the outburst of anger is not directed at other people. For example, you can take a pillow and start beating it, or a newspaper and start tearing it into small pieces. This will allow you to calm down and achieve peace of mind. You will not notice how it will become much easier, the anger will recede.
You can try to write down on a piece of paper everything that hurts, all your anger and hatred. After you describe everything, burn this sheet.
You can throw out your anger by shouting, but for this it is better to be somewhere far from people, so that you do not scare your neighbors or relatives, for example, standing in the forest or being at your dacha when it is not the gardening season.
Try to stop and take a breath before saying something bad to people. While you are on pause, bad thoughts will recede, your mood will change, and the desire to say nasty things to someone will disappear.
If you have a strong desire to be rude to someone, then it is better to go for a walk and get some fresh air. This way you can calm down. Washing dishes helps some people; it will calm and calm them down, allowing them to realize what could have happened and what it is connected with.
If you feel like you are about to explode, throw out a sea of negative words towards some person, imagine that your mouth is full of water and there is no way to speak right now.
If you cannot cope with the negativity that accumulates in your body on your own, you need to seek help from a psychologist or psychotherapist. A specialist will teach you how to cope with such emotions.

How to exercise to stop being angry

In the long term, Effects of Physical Exercise on Cognitive Functioning and Wellbeing: Biological and Psychological Benefits is any workout that raises your heart rate to 30-70% of your maximum heart rate (HR) and lasts more than 30 minutes. These can be calm aerobic exercises: running, cycling, fitness, dancing.

If you need to get rid of anger right now, there are several ways to do it faster.

Turn up the intensity

For immediate relief from anger, Opioid Release after High-Intensity Interval Training in Healthy Human Subjects heavy exercise, such as high-intensity interval training (HIIT), works well. HIIT releases far more beta-endorphins than steady-state aerobic exercise, so you'll feel calmer afterwards.

The advantage is that you can have a HIIT session without leaving your home, and in 10–15 minutes you will be more exhausted than you will be in half an hour of quiet activity.