6 ways: how to stop being angry and irritated

2 10687 January 14, 2021 at 11:33 pm Author of the publication: Tatyana Kuzmina, consultant on education abroad

One overtook, another pushed, this one didn’t give enough change, the colleague looked at him wrong, the boss gave the order wrong, the husband chewed dinner wrong, the child folded the books wrong. Apparently, their common desire is for me to go crazy with anger and resentment. How can you not get angry?

How to stop getting irritated and angry when it seems like everyone around you is conspiring to bring you down? System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan will tell you how to cope with irritation for any reason, hatred of a neighbor in a traffic jam, aggression, the desire to call your husband names, yell at a child, be offended for life with your ex, get angry with your mother, slam the door and not talk for years. Do you want to communicate with people without the admixture of these nasty emotions that drain all your life energy?

Why do we get irritated and angry

Anger arises when someone does something differently than we imagined. System-vector psychology says that without understanding the general principles of the structure of the human psyche, we are aware only of ourselves, we look at everyone through our own prism and expect people to realize their desires.

At every stage of interaction, we strive to get something from someone. If we don’t receive it, hostility, aggression, resentment, anger, and indignation arise. There is a way to mathematically accurately understand the difference between expectations and opportunities and determine their points of contact.

Method 6. Abstraction

From time to time it happens that anger leads to a person beating himself up. For example, if you had a hard day full of annoying events, and a passerby called you a bad word because you accidentally bumped your elbows (something like “what a bungler, he can’t walk”), then maybe in a normal situation you would ignore this, but, taking into account the accumulated emotions, this action caused you wild anger and a desire, as they say, “to wipe the nose of the offender,” although, in fact, there is nothing special in the situation.

To avoid this, you should learn to abstract yourself. For example, slowly count to yourself to ten and take even and measured inhalations and exhalations. This will help relieve accumulated irritation for a while and look at the situation from a different angle.

In addition, this skill is useful in everyday life. For example, if you are discussing some complex life issues, then the emergence of emotions is quite normal. However, if you know how to abstract yourself, then it will be easier for you to control them and the situation as a whole.

Something went wrong

If something goes against the natural properties of our psyche, we experience discomfort and blame other people for it. It seems that the modern metropolis is a bundle of tension; all the human wiring in it can sparkle in an instant for any reason.

And if you look at it, we each get angry and irritated about our own things - which means that the wires in the bundle of nerves can be untangled and protected from fire.

Behind the screen of irritation, everyone has their own spectrum of emotions, determined by a set of vectors:

• skinners - really get irritated and angry;
• owners of the anal vector are offended, do not have time and fall into a stupor;
• urethrals - angry;
• muscular people - endure, but if the cup overflows, they can feel rage;
• spectators are ironic and look down upon in a snobbish manner;
• sound workers - they feel like the smartest, and hide from the “bunch of idiots” in solitude; worsening of the condition can grow into hatred towards people.

At the root, there is hostility from the fact that someone thinks and does not do what we want.

Annoying situations

The circumstances in which the occurrence of irritation or outbursts of anger are more than possible have been identified by psychologists. A person’s reaction to them is predictable and adjusted in one direction or another by the level of intelligence, culture and type of character:

• Taking out irritation on physically weak people : few people would think of “running over” a thug or a tough, pumped-up man, but pushing a small man in glasses is a nice thing: those with low self-esteem thus artificially elevate themselves in their own eyes.
• It is often acquired in the heat of the moment by those of lower social status or career rank.
• In order not to lose his temper with colleagues and unfamiliar people, a person “vents his soul” on loved ones or relatives who are unable to respond to verbal or physical pressure.

Situations leading to outbursts of irritation become the cause of a serious conflict, and therefore it is advisable for any person to know about his character in this direction, to be prepared and learn to control behavior at the moment of approaching anger, and not of its uncontrollable breakthrough.

Cheat sheet on how to stop being angry and angry

The scheme is simple:

1. We know what is a factor of irritation for others → we don’t irritate them that way or at least minimize the stress factor.
2. We know what makes us angry → we relieve tension by realizing natural properties.

We get mad not only from a lack of understanding of the manifestations in a person of a vector that we do not have. Sometimes properties that are in ourselves at a different level of development, in a different state, cause even greater irritation.

For example, a developed skin legislator cannot digest a skin thief, a visual hysteric gets irritated when looking at a realized vector friend - a “holy man” who helps everyone, and a muse who loves everyone.

How to stop getting angry while driving?

Let's look at life situations from different angles to understand how not to get angry and how to stop getting irritated for any reason.

Driver 1:

Where are you going? Don't you see this is a dedicated line? I'm keeping my head down. The quieter you go, the further you'll get. And such upstarts only make you want to take out a baton and crack them hard so that you know your place.

Driver 2:

Are you sorry to move a little so I can squeeze through? I hate traffic jams - I'm angry, I'm itching. Precious time is running out. The desire to get out of the car and run across the rooftops. It's time to buy a motorcycle, or better yet a helicopter!

System tip 1:

Stickers of quality and order, owners of the anal vector do not like to do many things at once - and there is no need. Without being distracted from the road, just analyze the differences between your outlook on life and the attitude of that reckless driver. You can determine the psyche without even seeing the driver of the car. Accurate recognition relieves tension, eliminates aggression and the desire to break the nimble's body.

System tip 2:

If you still can’t overtake anyone and have to stand still, just do something useful. You can, for example, pump the muscles of your back, legs and abs. When a traffic jam is also a workout, it’s not so excruciatingly painful to waste minutes waiting. The muscles are pumped up - you can also work with your head: think over a plan for tomorrow’s meeting or a shopping list. Stock news can help you stop being angry and irritated.

How to stop being annoyed with your husband and wife

Wife:

He probably doesn't love me at all. He returns so late, but when he comes, you can’t get a word out of him. Even on weekends and holidays you can’t find him at home - mountains, running, skiing, always plans, projects, meetings. Family seems to mean nothing to him. There is no desire to even go out to meet him. It's a shame beyond belief.

Husband:

How can you spend two hours getting ready? The boss is waiting for us for dinner, but she’s still fussing around, she can’t say goodbye to the children. It will also take forever to choose a dress! It's annoying.

System advice:

Opposites are naturally attracted to couples along lower vectors, says system-vector psychology Yuri Burlan. The only way to stop being angry and irritated in family relationships is to understand the difference in your deepest priorities and feel the beauty in the merging of opposites, united by common emotions and goals.

A skinny husband who works and supports a family does not mean an unloving husband. He is designed by nature in such a way that he runs through life in search of a mammoth (earning money). He is a hunter. And the hunter needs time to rest and recuperate. His family serves as his backbone. If all that awaits him at home is silent resentment and a cold dinner, he may not come running at all. What to do? Read here.

A wife with an anal vector is the best housewife and the most caring mother. If you take her away from home, even for a few hours, let her know about your plans in advance. She needs to thoroughly prepare for this psychologically.

Disagreements, irritation and anger at each other in couples can also occur due to misunderstanding along the upper vectors. She sparkles with emotion visually - he sonically needs silence. Orally, he can’t resist making jokes below the belt - it sounds like it makes her want to go to the top of a lonely mountain.

You can't force someone to do something so that you can have uninterrupted pleasure. But with the desire to preserve the couple and please your loved one, you can, by understanding him, stop being irritated, angry, and offended by the person closest to you.

How not to get annoyed with people?

How tired everyone is... How tired I am of all these empty people with their empty talk... A little more and I’ll lose my temper... Do you recognize yourself? If yes, then this article will benefit you.

There is nothing condemnatory in indignation, because anger is one of the basic emotions of a person, and sometimes moderately expressed aggression helps him. However, what to do if attacks of rage occur too often? What to do then? In other words, HOW TO NOT BE IRRITATE AT PEOPLE IF EVERYTHING IS ANNOYING?

First, deal with the cause of anger, because it is easier for a person to fight what he knows. When someone drives you crazy, it helps to ask yourself: What makes me overreact? Perhaps your irritant reminds you of someone else you don't like.

If internal dissatisfaction arises because of a person, try to distance yourself from him. Simple advice that is not easy to put into practice, because sometimes you have to deal with annoying people, and there is no getting around it. Most often, we lose our temper in front of people and let off steam on them because we ourselves are tense. Yes, suppressing emotions, accumulating all the blackness in the soul and creating the effect of a time bomb is not the solution. But it is important not to lose control of yourself in any situation, because self-control is the only thing that you cannot get rid of by losing it.

What to do if everything is annoying?

1 . Take a deep breath and count to thirty. The most banal method that was used by dinosaurs, but it still works effectively.

2. Focus on yourself. Your breathing and heart rate increase, your palms begin to sweat, and your muscles become tense. Try to breathe calmly, do not frown, do not make sudden movements, and, if possible, do not cross your arms. By consciously monitoring your physical state and nonverbal cues, you can quickly relieve stress and cope more effectively with the situation.

3. Try to look at the problem from different angles. For example, put yourself in the shoes of the person who annoys you. Or imagine what will happen next: it is unlikely that your interlocutor will meekly accept the fact that he was shouted at for no reason. The law of conservation of negativity: by throwing out anger on others, we do not get rid of it, but only restart it, sending the boomerang of irritation flying.

4. Take your mind off the cause of your dissatisfaction. Instead of accelerating the flywheel of resentment, it is advisable to step away from the problem and temporarily do something else. Don’t get excited, but cool down (if irritation finds you at home, you can literally take a relaxing shower).

5. Keep a thing with you - a sedative. Now I’m talking not only about various kinds of anti-stress products (squishies, fidget cubes, etc.), but also about other items. The main thing is that this thing evokes pleasant emotions and memories in you. For example, a souvenir from vacation or a photo of your favorite cat. Fragrances can also serve as “anger outlets”: perfumes, essential oils, flavorings. The fact is that some smells affect the hippocampus of the brain, awakening our childhood memories. This phenomenon was called the “Proust Effect”. Surprisingly, even a word can perform such a function. It’s not for nothing that in the film “Anger Management” with Jack Nicholson, the psychotherapist taught patients to repeat the word “guusfraaba” during attacks of rage.

6. Don't take it to heart. It can be tempting to argue with annoying people, especially if they act like know-it-alls. But don’t give in to provocations: learn to choose your battles yourself and don’t sweat the small stuff. If they're gossiping about you, stop it, but if they just have a favorite conspiracy theory, so be it.

7. Finally, just say what you don't like. What if the person who annoys you decides to change their behavior? This happens when a person simply does not realize that his actions are interfering with you. In this case, talking calmly face to face is easier than silently simmering.

Finally, one more banal, but no less true fact: no one is ideal and will never be , but each of us has the power to rid the world of negativity more often... Or at least not to add our own to the total mass.