A huge number of superstitions are associated specifically with the burial ritual. There are numerous funeral prohibitions that are strongly discouraged from breaking. For example, it is believed that relatives should not carry the coffin. It is worth understanding why such actions are strictly prohibited, and who then should still take on this responsibility.
Who can carry the coffin of the deceased?
The coffin bearer for the deceased must be carried by a person who was not in close blood ties with the deceased. It can be:
- Acquaintances who did not communicate closely with the deceased. The negative influence of the sign does not apply to them, so there is not even the slightest reason to be afraid.
- Close comrades. In this way they demonstrate friendly feelings and respect. The loss of a friend will be easier to bear. Soon new acquaintances will appear, and this, in turn, brings relief.
- Colleagues. Members of the deceased's staff are permitted to serve as pallbearers at funerals.
- Distant relatives of the deceased . In this way they will be able to attract material wealth. Fate will fully thank them for their nobility.
They carry the coffin with a handkerchief tied around their hand. After the body is buried, it is removed, and the hands must be washed. Ritual objects are not taken from the cemetery.
Who should carry the cross and wreaths at a funeral?
Following a funeral procession has its own rules of rotation, which close relatives need to know about:
- At the beginning of the procession they carry an icon of the Savior or the Mother of God. Absolutely anyone can carry an icon.
- Following the icon is an Orthodox cross with a tied towel, which will be placed on the grave of the deceased after burial. The cross must be carried by a distant relative or male colleague.
- Next comes a man with a portrait of the deceased. The portrait can be carried by a friend or colleague, as well as any relative.
- Next comes the one who carries the pillow with awards, if the deceased was a military man. The pillow is carried by a person whose rank is no lower than that of the deceased.
- The next to march are people with yenkas and baskets . Colleagues, friends, and neighbors of the deceased carry wreaths at the funeral. In some regions, flowers are carried behind the coffin of the deceased.
- Behind the wreaths they carry the coffin lid, and then the coffin with the deceased. The coffin lid and the coffin itself are carried by distant relatives, friends or a special team from a funeral agency.
The coffin is followed by the closest relatives, then distant ones, and friends, colleagues, co-workers, neighbors and acquaintances bring up the rear. It is difficult to observe mourning etiquette for relatives who are in a grieving state. And therefore, we offer to order the service of a ritual agent or master of ceremonies from our agency, who will monitor the order of rituals, taking into account Orthodox traditions.
Who is prohibited from performing these actions
Not everyone is allowed to carry the coffin. These actions are prohibited:
- To the wife or husband of the deceased. As a result, the atmosphere in the family will deteriorate significantly. Emergencies cannot be ruled out.
- To parents. Under no circumstances should they carry their own blood. They should be at the very beginning of the procession. If they take on these responsibilities, a dark streak will begin in their lives. Even the death of another loved one is possible.
- Aunt or uncle. The pain of loss will intensify significantly.
- Relatives of the spouse. This will lead to conflicts in the family and the emergence of numerous problems.
To carry or not to carry a coffin for relatives: superstitions and the view of the Church
The death of a loved one always brings bitter tears and emotions. When immersed in sadness, it is difficult to control the burial process. It's good when you have someone to rely on, but what if not? I want to comply with all the requirements and organize everything with dignity.
In addition to the approved rules, there are a huge number of beliefs about burial. One of the controversial issues is whether relatives can carry the coffin? Almost everyone argues that relatives should not participate in the process.
Are relatives carrying the coffin?
One of the important stages of a funeral is carrying the coffin to the cemetery. Church opinion and popular opinion differ on whether relatives can serve as pallbearers. Let's try to understand the people's point of view. She shares the participation of relatives and loved ones.
- participation of close relatives.
The parents of the deceased cannot carry the coffin. They go at the very beginning. Otherwise, they will be haunted by troubles and failures. There will probably be a bad streak that will not lead to development in the profession. Participation can lead to a deterioration in family relationships, the outbreak of family conflicts, and misunderstandings with each other. Finding a compromise will be difficult.
There is a belief that if the body is carried by the wife or husband of the deceased, then during the procession one of those present will become ill, and the health of those invited will deteriorate. To restore and lead a normal life, the body will need a lot of strength, financial investments and additional resources.
Unpleasant conversations about the future await the brother or sister of the deceased if one of them agreed to bear the coffin. The conversation will be difficult, it will infuriate you and negatively affect family relationships.
In Portugal, it is the close people who must carry the coffin with the deceased out of the house. Such an action is interpreted as a tribute to respect and memory, as well as the last manifestation of warm and reverent feelings. This is the norm in Portuguese burial etiquette.
- participation of distant relatives.
The aunt or uncle of the deceased should not carry the coffin of a relative. This action can increase the period of mourning in the soul and lead to prolonged sadness over the loss. This state will lead to a loss of strength and negative changes in views. The person will think more and more about the bad aspects of life.
If a distant relative participates in the funeral procession, then he is predicted to meet with an old acquaintance. The conversation will go well, but at the end there will be a difference in the status of the interlocutors. This will lead everyone to certain thoughts that will influence further actions.
- close friends and acquaintances.
Friends who did not have close contact with the deceased can take part in carrying the coffin. They are not affected by the negative influence of the funeral procession, so there is no need to fear for their health and life.
Friends of the deceased who carried the coffin can count on positive changes in the future. They will have true friends who will help them cope with the loss easier.
It is not advisable for a colleague to participate in the procession. Carrying the coffin may have a negative impact on those around it. Close people will reduce communication with the person, and his position in society will significantly decrease.
Why can't close relatives serve as pallbearers?
There is no clear answer to the question “why is it undesirable for close relatives to carry the coffin.” The interpretation boils down to the fact that participation in a funeral procession will negatively affect fate. Unexpected and unpleasant events in the future will knock you out of your usual way of life and affect relationships with loved ones.
There is an opinion that if relatives take out the coffin and carry it to the cemetery, then by their actions they want to speed up the funeral procession. It is also possible that the relatives who participated in this stage are in danger of death, since their blood will be drawn to the blood of the one who has already left the earthly world. That is why they entrust the carrying of the coffin to neighbors, friends, acquaintances, but not relatives.
There is a more real reason. During the funeral, the human body is weakened, all strength is taken away by grief and tears. The relative himself needs help and support. It is not uncommon for relatives to faint while carrying the coffin of the deceased. His main participation is his personal presence. It is better to entrust the rest of the troubles to someone who is not so close to grief.
Church opinion
The church has a slightly different opinion on whether relatives can carry the coffin.
In Orthodoxy, the human body is the temple of the soul, which temporarily shelters it. A reverent attitude towards the body of the deceased is directly related to the main dogma of the Resurrection. We believe that our bodies will be resurrected and united with our souls. That is why the appearance of the deceased is so important: a clean body, clean clothes, a white shroud and burial in the ground as a sleeping bed. There the deceased awaits the Resurrection from the dead.
It is important that loved ones take part in preparing the body. In this way they express respect and love for the deceased, gratitude for his worldly life. Blood relatives should not carry the coffin. This will only strengthen the spiritual connection with the deceased and make a person more vulnerable to grief and sadness, and increase longing for the past.
At the same time, the Russian Orthodox Church encourages the active participation of loved ones at all stages of the funeral procession. The prayers and rituals of the Holy Church show how to properly see off the deceased. So, they use the burial of the Lord Jesus Christ as an example. Then all the apostles helped in the burial of the Most Pure Body and the Mother of God. They carried out the coffin with Christ.
After this, the Church established that relatives must carry the coffin and kiss the untimely departed. With this act, a Christian expresses gratitude to the deceased. The Church agrees that such a gesture is a hope for the resurrection of the soul of the deceased. After all, every Christian believes in the resurrection of the body, and not the resurrection of the soul. The soul is immortal.
Archimandrite Augustine believes that various superstitions arose due to people’s lack of knowledge of Orthodox dogmas and canons. He is sure that beliefs cause harm and do not lead to the Truth.
Who carries mourning wreaths at funerals?
A funeral wreath is considered an important ritual element. With its help, relatives, colleagues, friends, and acquaintances say their last goodbye to the deceased.
When preparing for a funeral procession, the question arises: “Who carries the wreaths?” It is customary that relatives do not carry them. Perhaps it's superstition. But this fact can be explained more simply. It will be difficult for loved ones who are in grief to get to the cemetery. Do not weigh it down with large and voluminous wreaths.
They are usually carried behind the coffin by friends, colleagues and friends.
As we see, it is impossible to please both superstitions and the Church. Faith is within you. Do as you see fit. The main thing is that you saw off a loved one on their last journey, the rest is just paraphernalia.
Return to list
If the son wants to carry
Children should not carry their parent's body to the cemetery. This superstition has roots from ancient times. Our ancestors believed that it was shameful for a son and daughter to perform such actions. Neighbors and acquaintances might have misunderstood them. They say that children are so happy about the death of their mother or father that they try to get rid of the body as soon as possible.
It is also believed that if blood relatives carry out wreaths, a cross or a coffin, or dig a hole, they will soon follow the deceased. True, there is also a radically different superstition.
The son who has assumed this responsibility pays tribute to his parent. Thanks to this, the deceased will be able to find peace faster, and it will be easier for the child to endure the pain of loss.
Why should relatives not carry out the coffin?
There are many popular beliefs about why relatives should not carry out the coffin of the deceased. According to one of them, if relatives carry the coffin, one may get the impression that they are rejoicing at the death of their neighbor and want to get rid of him as quickly as possible. According to other beliefs, if the coffin is carried by the relatives of the deceased, this may cause new deaths in this house (the deceased will take someone with him).
In accordance with long-standing traditions, in order not to attract trouble, each participant in the funeral procession (who carries the coffin) is given a towel under their arms so that they do not touch it with their bare hands. After completing the funeral ceremony, the bearers must wash their hands well and dry them with the same towel (each with his own). Then, they should be given to the person who poured the water onto their hands. He must go to the field, dig a hole there, put towels there, pour flammable liquid over it and burn it. In this case, it is necessary to read the prayers “Our Father” and “Alive in Help.”
What does the church think about this?
The clergy view death as the transition of the soul to God's Kingdom. The body is considered a temporary earthly shell. There are a number of burial rules that express faith in the resurrection of the deceased. True, these rituals have nothing to do with folk superstitions.
The Church does not prohibit relatives from carrying the body of the deceased. Pagan belief prevents the comprehension of the truth, but faith sobers and enlightens. Loved ones should not succumb to grief, they need to think sensibly. By taking on this responsibility, they show respect to the deceased and see him off on his last journey. In this case, the soul will be able to get to the Almighty faster.
The body of the deceased must be carried out by people who are not related to the deceased by blood. This is exactly what many popular superstitions say. In this way, people attract further troubles and misfortune; this responsibility cannot be assigned to loved ones.
But the church does not share this opinion. Believers argue that there is nothing wrong with the participation of relatives in the funeral procession. This will help them come to terms with the loss more quickly.
The opinion of the Orthodox Church
According to Orthodox laws, omens are considered stupid superstitions and are not encouraged. The priests approve of the carrying of the deceased by family members, because in this case people pay their last respects to the deceased, thanking him for everything he has done in life.
Belief in signs left over from pagan times is considered unacceptable and contrary to God by the church. Therefore, Christians carry the domovina with the deceased from the family on their own, while pagans resort to the help of friends and colleagues of the deceased. Those who do not believe in omens and religious laws are guided by logic and rationality, placing this responsibility on the physically strongest people invited to the funeral.
Don't be the first to sit down at the table
After returning from the cemetery, the first thing relatives did was touch the stove or look into it in order to “cleanse themselves with fire” from communication with death. Then the relatives of the deceased invited everyone to the table. In many regions, relatives were obliged to first seat the diggers at the funeral table, then neighbors and acquaintances, and only lastly take the seats themselves. And although today it is difficult to imagine a funeral without alcohol and without a glass covered with bread for the deceased, in the century before last, especially among the Old Believers, a funeral meal with intoxicating treats was regarded as sinful. And even more so, it was forbidden for close relatives to drink at the funeral.
Why are pallbearers needed?
If you have an agreement with a funeral home, you usually pay a fixed amount for the services of the movers. Some decide to resort to the services of strangers in the morgue or cemetery. In this case, there is a risk of paying the loaders both at the price list and in their pocket. As a result, the cost of a minimum set of services may cost you unreasonably. Instead of saving money, paying for movers from different institutions will definitely cost more than a single team of professionals. In serious funeral homes, movers who accept additional payment from relatives of the deceased are immediately fired.
Pallbearers
The MosGupRitual company has many years of experience in organizing high-quality funerals. You can ask any question about burial and get competent free advice by calling our 24-hour number.
What not to do after the funeral of a close relative
A funeral is a special ritual that is of great importance for the relatives of the deceased. After the funeral procession, you should not perform certain actions.
Is it possible to visit after the funeral?
After burying a dead person, you cannot visit anyone for one day.
Is it possible to watch TV
Watching TV and listening to music after the funeral is not prohibited. But it is better to maintain a calm, quiet atmosphere as a sign of respect and honor for the life and death of the deceased.
Is it possible to make repairs
Repairs can only be carried out forty days after the funeral of the deceased person. The sign says that for forty days after its bodily death, the soul remains to observe loved ones and it wants to see the same environment as during life.
Is it possible to wash, shave and get a haircut?
These actions should not be performed during the period when the deceased is in the house and immediately after his funeral. It is believed that performing bath procedures is disrespect for the death of a person. Therefore, it is better not to shave or wash for several days after the funeral.
What to do with a scarf after a funeral
The scarves you wore at the funeral must be burned. Although in some cultures it is customary to leave scarves after a funeral and pray with them for the deceased, as if leaving a memory of him in the form of a scarf.
You can't wear the clothes of a dead person
The clothes of a living person absorb his energy, but when a person dies, his energy also becomes dead. Wearing the clothes of a deceased relative can transfer their dead energy to you. It is also believed that the deceased’s belongings also contain the cause of his death. The risk increases that by wearing a dead man's clothes you are dooming yourself to disaster, and the cause of your relative's death seems to be transferred to you. Another sign says that you should not burn or throw away the things of the deceased within a period of forty days.
What to do with the belongings of the deceased after the funeral
It is not recommended to throw away the deceased's belongings, especially if they hold a special memory of that person. It's better to give things to people in need. Also, things of a dead person can be recycled. Traditions advise not to touch the deceased’s belongings at all for forty days, and after that they can be burned.
Do not wash the body
The Orthodox Church insists that relatives should wash the body in order to pay their last respects to the deceased and demonstrate their fearlessness in the face of death. But folk tradition goes against it.
As Elena Fursova notes in the monograph “Funeral and Memorial Rituals of Old Believers Migrants from Belarus as an Ethnographic Source,” relatives did not take part in the posthumous care of the deceased; for this purpose, outsiders were invited to the house, and no one had the right to refuse such an invitation.
If the deceased himself did not give any orders in advance regarding who he would instruct to wash him after death, washers were chosen based on gender: for a deceased man they called men, for a deceased woman – women. In some areas, bathing was entrusted only to old maids or widows. During the ablution, proper order was observed. The remaining soap after this process was either divided among all the washers (and then the pieces of soap became amulets) or placed in a coffin next to the body. The water was thrown out where it would not harm people or livestock. The bed was burned. It is interesting that in many regions of Russia, washers were not allowed to prepare the funeral dinner.
Features of beliefs
At all times, there have been different beliefs in signs, rituals and traditions. Beliefs had a particularly strong influence on people in the pre-Christian period. Since ancient times, people have believed that death carries negative energy. They thought the same about anyone who died. Along with this, certain signs have emerged, that is, what can happen if you make a mistake in organizing and conducting a funeral.
Don't dig a grave
One of the common instructions today prohibits relatives from digging a grave for the deceased. In Siberia and Central Russia, it was believed that digging a grave for a loved one would lead to new losses. Therefore, male diggers were invited to do this. It is interesting that to protect them from death, the Old Believers tied a towel on each digger’s hand, and covered their heads with a woman’s scarf in cold weather (it was forbidden to wear a hat even in the most severe frost). They tried to find an even number of diggers, but in practice they dug the grave of as many people as were called. The more people there were, the faster it worked. It was possible to dig a grave either on the day of the funeral or in advance. And if this was done the day before or several days in advance, then the grave was covered crosswise with shovels.
