Why is it buried on the third day and what happens on days 9 and 40?

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The funeral of loved ones is one of the most difficult experiences that a person can endure. Of course, one can only sympathize with them. Traditionally, seeing off the deceased is associated with many rituals and customs, most of which are incomprehensible to modern Russians. It is most often impossible to obtain clear explanations from the older generation, who insist on observing all rituals.

Recommendations from Church ministers

Hegumen Fedor (Yablokov) on commemoration: Commemoration should be prayerful.
This is often forgotten, reducing wakes to a feast, and wakes without sincere commemoration of the deceased have no meaning. Drinking at funerals and wakes is not only unnecessary, but also harmful for the deceased. There should be no alcohol on the table at all, or a minimal amount. Taking alcohol or drugs in these cases is not a tradition, it is an attempt by a godless person to hide, to escape from reality. There is no need to fill the entire table with dishes; the table should be modest. When gathering for a wake, people gather for prayer, for prayerful remembrance of the deceased, and not for the purpose of having a holiday of gluttony. An obligatory dish according to tradition is kutya, over which a special prayer must be read. For 40 days, you must avoid any mourning events; you can come to the memorial in any strict, non-seductive clothing. Archimandrite Augustine (Pidanov) on traditions and superstitions: Nowadays, one can often encounter superstitions skillfully disguised as traditions. Superstition is indifference, vanity, and a meaningless attitude towards faith. Firstly, some superstitions contradict the concepts and traditions of faith, and secondly, some superstitions simply do not leave time for faith in our lives. For example, at first glance, there is nothing wrong with a person covering a mirror. But a person burdens all his thoughts with the need to remember to cover the mirrors, not finding time to pray for the souls of loved ones. There shouldn't be any booze on the table, and don't be afraid that anyone will judge you. Everything depends only on you, whether you organize a wake for the deceased or a drinking party for the sake of relatives and friends.

Archimandrite Augustine (Pidanov) about the funeral service: The funeral service is nothing more than a prayerful rite, approved by the church as a farewell and farewell to see people off to another world. Many people mistake a funeral service for a ritual or tradition. In the process of carrying out the ritual, people try to make the incomprehensible understandable, but in fact, behind the form of the funeral service there is much more important and greater value both for the soul of the deceased and for the living. To find answers to questions related to seeing off Christians on their final journey, you should contact the clergy directly. Only in this way can you avoid mistakes and conduct a funeral service, bringing the greatest benefit to the soul of the deceased, without wasting time on superstitions.

From the third to the ninth day

The body is buried, a wake is held, and from the next day to the 9th the soul is in Paradise. She feels good, she forgets absolutely everything that happened to her on Earth and even about us, her relatives. The soul begins to study the lives of those who went to Paradise after Justice. And now on the 9th day of a person’s death, the soul goes to God for Judgment.

We have all heard that “the deceased must be commemorated on the 9th day,” but we don’t know exactly how these commemorations should be carried out. I recommend listening to the words of church ministers who call not to drink alcohol at the funeral table and to pray for the soul. On the 9th day you need to say only good things about the deceased, because God hears everything. You need to pray, by the way, the necessary prayers are also given in church. On this day there are no celebrations, they simply calmly and quietly remember the person at the funeral table...

Until the fortieth day

After the 9th day, the soul, accompanied by Angels, goes to Hell to see what is happening there. During this period, the soul must repent for everything a person has done in life, and already on the 40th day it returns to God again. On the 40th day, a wake is organized again, and under no circumstances should you speak badly about the deceased on this day; you need to pray a lot for the soul of the deceased, because on the 40th day God makes the final decision. God decides where the soul remains in Heaven or Hell. Ask God to leave the deceased in Paradise on the 40th day, pray without getting tired, remember your loved one only with good words...

Commemoration on the anniversary

A year after death, close relatives and friends are invited to remember and pray for the deceased. Before the meal, be sure to visit the mogul. The day before, they put things in order, erect a monument, paint the fence, and plant flowers. It is recommended to order a prayer service at the church or a memorial service. In church, candles are always lit for the repose of the soul.

The anniversary of the deceased should be organized only in a narrow family circle, to which the closest relatives and friends of the family are invited. The main dishes that are usually placed on the table differ little from the menu for 9 or 40 days. It consists of the following dishes:

• Kutya;
• porridge;
• soup or fish soup;
• pies with different fillings;
• jelly;
• dried fruits compote.

To avoid mistakes, save your own time and not shoulder unpleasant organizational issues, contact Ritual House LLC. Our specialists will help ease the pain of loss and take on the following responsibilities:

• funeral organization;
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The company not only cares about easing the pain of loss and honoring the last journey of your loved one!

The third day

We can learn in detail about death and the afterlife by reading the life of St. Blessed Theodora. She told in a posthumous vision that she was waiting for a person with the onset of another life.

When the saint lay on her deathbed, she saw how demons approached her. Their appearance was terrible; they were waiting for the outcome of her soul to take her to hell. At the same time, each of them kept a list of her earthly sins. It turns out that all the bad deeds, thoughts and words of a person are recorded in order to present them as incriminating evidence.

But then the Angels appeared, their appearance was bright. They drove away demons and said that they did not yet have power over the soul. Then Death himself came in the form of a skeleton with a scythe. At the same time, Theodora’s soul trembled with horror. Death gave her a certain drink to drink, then began to cut off her arms and legs one by one. Lastly, she cut off the saint's head.

In the first three days, the soul is near the body, seeing it from the outside. All earthly life flashes before her vision. On the third day, the burial ceremony is performed . The priest reads a prayer of permission, and the soul loses its last connection with the body. It is consigned to the earth, and the soul goes on its way.

Wake after funeral and wake on days 9 and 40

Wake after funeral and wake on days 9 and 40

A wake or memorial dinner involves a joint meal between relatives in memory of the deceased. Orthodox Christians commemorate the deceased on the day of the funeral on the 3rd day, 9th day and 40 days. According to Sharia law, in Islam, funerals are prohibited during days of mourning, which is 3 days after death, from killing livestock for funeral dinners. After this period ends, the destitute and needy are allowed to distribute sacrificial meat. Learn more about funerals and commemorations among Muslims. What is the reason for holding a wake in 3; 9 and 40 days for the Orthodox? What kind of dishes should be present at the funeral table? We will analyze all this further in detail.

Rules for holding funerals among Orthodox Christians

Funerals are divided into general and private. Private funerals are held for one deceased person at a time. General rituals are dedicated to all the dead, on certain calendar days. In Christianity, up to a year, there are 3 types of private funerals on the third day, ninth and 40 days. After this, on each subsequent anniversary, only relatives of the deceased gather for a private commemoration.

Wake after funeral on day 3

Trizna. Conducted immediately after the funeral, on the same day. Traditions in carrying out have changed over time. It was not customary for the Eastern Slavs to invite people to funerals. Everyone who considered it their duty to attend came. It was only forbidden for unmarried people to participate in the commemoration. A stranger and a beggar could come.

The meaning of the commemoration on day 3 is that for 2 days the soul of the deceased is with loved ones and visits native and memorable places. Only on the third day does the Lord call the soul to heaven. The number 3 carries a sacred meaning in the Orthodox religion. On the third day there was the miraculous resurrection of Jesus Christ, the Holy Trinity. Therefore, before you start eating, you must read the “Our Father” or the 90th Psalm in a petition to the Almighty for mercy on the soul of the deceased.

You cannot start eating without washing your hands and making the sign of the cross. It is not customary to use foul language or express fun at the table. Conversations should not be abstract. Throughout the entire wake, it is necessary to remember the deceased only from the good side. It is also not customary to sit at the table. A wake is not a holiday. Remember that family and friends are experiencing grief.

For a funeral meal, people are usually seated at the table in order of seniority and proximity of relatives to the deceased. The owner of the house sits at the head of the table. The rest of his relatives sat down next to him. Often, one place, decorated with mourning ribbon, is left free for the deceased. They also put food and black bread in this place. This ritual has nothing to do with Orthodoxy, but rather is a tribute to traditions from pagan times.

Funeral for 9 days

Devyatiny. Just as in funeral feasts, the number nine carries meaning not only in honoring the nine ranks of angels. On the ninth day, the soul appears before the Face of the Almighty after 6 days of contemplating the delights of heavenly abodes. The funeral on this day involves prayers asking the Lord to have mercy on the soul of the deceased.

A memorial service is required in the church or home of the deceased. It is often held in the cemetery in front of the grave. Only relatives and close friends take part in the funeral. Men at funerals are bareheaded, while women, on the contrary, must wear a headscarf. There should be no fancy food on the table, so as not to distract from the process of commemoration itself. For decorations on the table, you can use spruce or lingonberry branches.

When the dishes on the table are changed, Orthodox Christians read a prayer for the repose. It is not customary to say thanks. What is not eaten is usually given to take away so that they can also remember it at home, or they take it to church for remembrance of the soul. It is customary to hold funeral services for 9 days for another reason: until this period, the soul of the deceased can be kept on earth by unfinished and unfinished affairs.

Funeral for 40 days

Forties. Returning to the fact that numbers play a significant role in Orthodox Christianity. Jesus Christ ascended into heaven 40 days after his resurrection. On the fortieth day, the soul of the deceased appears before the Lord God after contemplating all the circles of Hell. It is in 40 days that the soul of the deceased will be predetermined where he will stay until the Last Judgment.

The Almighty will not judge the soul. She herself will decide whether she is worthy of uniting with the Divine Light or going into the Abyss itself. The result of the decision depends only on the spirituality in the life lived, and not on willpower.

On the 40th day, the soul descends to earth for the last time to relatives and friends to say goodbye. Believers believe that if you do not spend your soul with dignity on this day, it will suffer forever. On this day, anyone can come to the funeral.

It should be remembered that prayer, and not the meal itself, has a decisive role in the fate of the soul. Prayers should not only be heard during the wake for 40 days, but even before this period, all thoughts should be aimed at softening the fate of the departed soul and through prayers asking the Almighty for forgiveness of the deceased’s earthly sins. Therefore, if the majority of non-believers are present at the wake, then only by their presence they will not be able to alleviate the fate of the deceased on that day.

On the 40th day, it is customary for Orthodox Christians to distribute the belongings of the deceased to those in need, so that they also pray for the repose of the soul. The church prohibits the consumption of alcoholic beverages at wakes, so that the wake does not turn into a meeting of relatives and friends with dancing and fun. For Orthodox Christians, death is a transition to a new life. Therefore, it should be conducted with dignity and piety.

After 40 days, celebrations and remembrances move from private to general. What funeral dishes are traditional for Orthodox Christians?

Dishes for funerals.

You can order a service for holding funeral dinners on our Mortem service

1. The first dish on the funeral table is kutia ( kolivo ) - porridge made from whole grains of rice and wheat, seasoned with honey and raisins. Grains serve as a symbol of resurrection, and honey and raisins are the sweetness that the righteous enjoy in the Kingdom of Heaven. Kutya must be blessed (consecrated) during the funeral service; if this is not possible, then you can simply sprinkle it with holy water and read any known prayer. Everyone present should at least try this dish. First, it is tasted by the closest family and friends and only then by everyone else.
2. pancakes and jelly , traditional for Russian cuisine, are considered a mandatory funeral dish in Russia . It is customary to eat pancakes with honey, and jelly is drunk by everyone leaving after the funeral. All guests should try it, like kutya.
3. Another traditional drink at a wake can be syta (honey mixed with water); it is served along with kutia at the very beginning of the wake. Other food at the funeral meal is served in compliance with the requirements of fasting: on fasting days - fasting, on others - fasting.

Questions are often asked about whether a 40-day wake can be done earlier or later. The reasons for this may be different. Any memorial service can be rescheduled for another day. We have repeatedly said that funeral dinners are primarily a time for prayer, and not for the benefit of gluttony. Only on this day should a note of remembrance be submitted at the liturgy and memorial service in the church. Therefore, the question of what to do with spoiled food or jelly after a wake no longer exists. It's just food, there's no sacredness in it. Remember this.

We will be happy to answer your questions in the comments.

Procedure: funeral rules

On the fortieth day, the spirit of the deceased returns home for a day and after that leaves the earth forever. Legends say that if the spirit does not attend the funeral itself, it will suffer for all eternity, so it is definitely worth setting the table on this day and gathering to remember the deceased, but this must be done correctly.

You can present all this in the form of a list of recommendations:

1. Pray: on this day, for all 40 days and in the future, remember the deceased;
2. Bring a priest to the grave to perform a service or order a prayer service in the temple;
3. When ordering a memorial service, you must renounce any of your sins, for your own benefit and to console the soul of the deceased;
4. Make a donation to the temple;
5. Gather at a common table all those who are close to the deceased and Orthodox Christians;
6. Prepare special dishes;
7. Do not drink alcohol;
8. Don't sing songs.

A wake is not a celebration or a celebration, it is a moment of grief and petition. It is highly inappropriate to drink alcoholic beverages, sing songs or listen to music at this time. They take place for 1-2 hours, when believers remember the departed and pray for him.

Therefore, it is important that only Christians are present at the dinner who can share this time of grief with the family and support them spiritually.

What to cook

The meal is simple, especially if there is a general church fast. Even if there is no fasting, you should avoid eating meat and under no circumstances donate it to the temple.

Lunch can be arranged both at home and in a cafe. If the deceased was a regular parishioner, the priest may allow the memorial to be held in the church house after the end of the memorial service. Lunch is a continuation of the rite of worship, so it must be done with dignity.

There are a number of dishes that have been prepared for such dinners since ancient times. They are simple and satisfying.

Kutia, which is cooked in a large saucepan, and fish, which can be served in any form, are considered obligatory dishes. Baked or fried meat is not welcome on tables. You need to make your meal as lean as possible in order to benefit not only the spirit, but also the body.

In addition to kutia and fish, you can put on the table:

• rich pancakes;
• fish sandwiches (with sprats or herring);
• vegetable salads: beets with garlic, vinaigrette, herring under a fur coat, Olivier salad;
• cutlets: regular meat or stuffed with mushrooms and cheese;
• peppers stuffed with rice and meat;
• fish aspic;
• lean cabbage rolls (filled with vegetables and mushrooms with rice);
• baked fish;
• pies: fish, cabbage, rice, mushroom, potato or sweet (charlotte).

There are also a number of drinks that should be on the funeral table:

• kvass;
• lemonades;
• sbiten;
• fruit drink and juice;
• jelly: can be cooked from both berries and oatmeal.

Important! It is imperative to remember that the church prohibits drinking alcoholic beverages at such events, as well as leaving vodka on the grave of the deceased. During dinner, they remember the deceased, and with him other deceased relatives and friends.

Funeral meal

Funeral speech

At such meals, it is necessary to make a speech, after which everyone should honor the deceased with a minute of silence.

It is best if there is a manager, someone close to the family, but who controls his emotions and maintains sobriety. His responsibilities will include not only monitoring preparations for the meeting (supervising staff if the event is in a cafe), but also giving the floor to family members.

Usually everyone in the family tries to say something about the deceased. And the manager controls the time of speaking and the order (close relatives should come first - spouse, parents or children, etc.

Grief is quite expected at such an event, so the manager must prepare and divert attention from the crying person to himself in time. It is worth remembering that a person did not die forever, but moved on to a better life, and this fact can be recalled in especially sorrowful moments.

Important! If a priest is invited to a meal, then he must serve a prayer service and deliver a sermon. If the remembrance takes place in a small circle, then all those gathered should pray for the deceased and, if possible, read a memorial service or prayer service on their own. At this time, it is recommended to light church candles.

What to talk about in such a speech? The man suddenly passed away and it would be appropriate to remember what he was like, his good deeds and distinctive qualities. You should not remember grievances and strife, if they have left resentment in your heart, this is the best time to talk about forgiveness. It is necessary to remember a person only on the good side, to describe some joint affairs, to remember a funny incident or a particularly touching one.

A funeral speech is a sad speech, but not melancholy. Man has not ceased to exist, he is simply now in a different form and world.

Who is not remembered

There is a category of people whom the Church does not remember and does not serve a memorial service for:

• suicides;
• those who died under the influence of alcohol or drugs.

Important!
If a person independently decided to neglect God’s main gift - life, then the Church has no right to remember him as a believer. You can pray for such people in person and do alms in memory of them, but prayer services are not held for them. Questions usually arise about whether the church serves prayer services for dead babies, and the ruling bishop answers: one should definitely pray for the baby, regardless of age or cause of death. It is believed that the Lord, by taking children, protects them from a difficult fate in adulthood.

It is extremely important for parents to humbly accept His will and pray for their child.

Helpful information

How do you count 9 days from the date of death?
People often make the mistake of starting the countdown from the day after death. In fact, the countdown time should be the day on which the deceased left this world, even if this happened late in the evening (before 12:00). Thus, if a person died on December 2, then December 10 will be the ninth day after death. Adding numbers mathematically (December 2 + 9 days = December 11) and starting counting from the next day after death is incorrect.

On the ninth day you can remove the veils from the mirrors.

On the ninth day after the death of the deceased, you can remove the veils from the mirrors in the house (in all except the bedroom of the deceased). It is noteworthy that hanging mirrors is a non-Orthodox tradition. These are echoes of an old Russian belief, which says that in the mirrors the soul of the deceased can get lost and not find the way to the next world.

On the ninth day, the wake should be modest.

Alcohol at a feast is optional, and according to the popular opinion of primordially religious people, it is a completely unnecessary attribute. In table conversation one should remember the good deeds and good deeds of the deceased. It is believed that every good word spoken about the deceased will be credited to him.

The fortieth day is the time of private judgment of the soul

After nine days, the soul is shown the hellish abodes. She observes all the horror of incorrigible sinners, feels fear and awe of what she sees. Then, on the fortieth day, he again ascends to God for worship, only this time a private judgment of the soul also takes place. This date is always considered the most important in the afterlife of the deceased. There is no tradition of postponing funerals, no matter what day they fall on.

The soul is judged for all the deeds a person has done during his lifetime. And after this, the place of her stay until the second coming of Christ is determined. It is especially important these days to pray and give alms in memory of a relative or friend who has left this world. A person asks God for mercy, the opportunity to grant a blessed fate to a deceased person.

The number 40 has its own meaning. Even in the Old Testament it was prescribed to preserve the memory of the deceased for 40 days. In New Testament times, semantic analogies can be drawn with the Ascension of Christ. So, it was on the 40th day after His resurrection that the Lord ascended to heaven. This memorial date is also a memory of the fact that the human soul, after death, again goes to its Heavenly Father.

In general, holding a wake is an act of mercy towards living people. Lunch is offered as alms in memory of the deceased, and other rituals are performed that testify to a person’s faith in the immortality of the soul. This is also the hope for the salvation of each individual person.

The semantic meaning of 9 days after the death of a person

According to Orthodox doctrine, the human soul is immortal. This thesis is confirmed by the practice of commemorating the dead in the Christian tradition. Church Tradition teaches that for the first three days after death, the soul remains on earth in those places that were especially loved by it. Then she ascends to God. The Lord shows the soul the heavenly abodes in which the righteous are blissful.

The personal self-consciousness of the soul is touched, it marvels at what it sees, and the bitterness from leaving the earth is no longer so strong. This happens over six days. Then the angels ascend the soul again to worship God. It turns out that this is the ninth day, on which the soul sees its Creator for the second time. In memory of this, the Church establishes a wake, at which it is customary to gather in a narrow family circle. Commemoration is ordered in churches, prayers are offered to God for the pardon of the deceased. There is a statement that there is no one who has lived and not sinned. Also, the semantic meaning of the number nine is the memory of the Church about the corresponding number of angelic ranks. It is the angels who accompany the soul, showing it all the beauties of paradise.

What does the soul see after death?

The near-death experience of many people provides a comprehensive, detailed description of what awaits each of us at the end of the journey. Although scientists question the evidence of survivors of clinical death, drawing conclusions about brain hypoxia, hallucinations, and the release of hormones - the impressions are too similar in completely different people, dissimilar either in religion or cultural background (beliefs, customs, traditions). There are frequent references to the following phenomena:

1. Bright light, tunnel.
2. Feeling of warmth, comfort, safety.
3. Reluctance to return.
4. Meetings with relatives located far away - for example, from the hospital they “looked” into a house or apartment.
5. Your own body and doctors’ manipulations are seen from the outside.

When one wonders how the soul of the deceased says goodbye to relatives, one must keep in mind the degree of closeness. If the love between the deceased and the remaining mortals in the world was great, then even after the end of life’s journey the connection will remain, the deceased can become a guardian angel for the living. Hostility softens after the end of the worldly path, but only if you pray and ask for forgiveness from the one who is gone forever.

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How the dead say goodbye to us

After death, loved ones do not stop loving us. During the first days they are very close by, they can appear in dreams, talk, give advice - parents especially often come to their children. The answer to the question of whether deceased relatives hear us is always affirmative - a special connection can last for many years. The deceased say goodbye to the earth, but do not say goodbye to their loved ones, because they continue to watch them from another world. The living should not forget about their relatives, remember them every year, and pray that they will be comfortable in the next world.

How to talk to the deceased

The deceased should not be disturbed without reason. Their existence is strikingly different from all earthly ideas about eternity. Every attempt to communicate is anxiety and worry for the deceased. As a rule, the deceased themselves know when their loved ones need help; they can appear in a dream or send some kind of hint. If you want to talk to a relative, pray for him and ask the question in your mind. Understanding how the soul of a deceased person says goodbye to his family brings relief to those left on earth.