Perhaps not everyone knows why there is a funeral table in each church and when food should be brought there. This is necessary as alms to remember the deceased loved ones of those who brought it. Alms are brought to a memorial service, on the second Tuesday after Easter - a memorial day, or you can do this when you yourself just want to pray for the repose of the soul of the deceased.
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From this material you will learn what is brought to church for the funeral table, namely, what products should be brought and what should not be brought on certain days or not brought at all. Also ask what is served as drinks on the table during the funeral - whether the church, in principle, approves of drinking alcohol during such a process.
What role does this action play?
The opinions that in this way people seem to “feed” their loved ones in the next world with the food they loved during life, or that it is like a payment-donation to the Lord for a place in heaven for the deceased, are erroneous. The most important thing that is important for the deceased is your prayer from a pure heart. It happens that the deceased lived his life unworthily, could have committed sins, etc. Then the Orthodox Church advises relatives to pray for forgiveness of his sins. And the products brought are alms from yourself, not with a specific purpose “to someone for something,” but as a sign of your good and pure intentions, for the common good.
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Don’t forget to also distribute alms to those begging at the temple with a request to pray for a deceased person close to you. Remember that only the sincerity and purity of your motives will enable your prayers for the deceased to be heard.
The history of the days of remembrance
A wake (or commemoration, remembrance) is a ritual in memory of a deceased person. Usually the funeral is held by relatives; if there are none, close people and friends.
The tradition of commemoration arose in connection with Christian teaching. Every religion has its own rituals for remembering people. Adapted folk consciousness often combines several beliefs into one ritual.
Christian traditions are fundamental in Russia. Nevertheless, according to Orthodox rules (with funeral commemorations and prayers), only people who have undergone the rite of baptism are remembered. The exceptions are suicides, unbaptized, non-Orthodox, heretics - the church does not pray for them.
What is customary to bring to the funeral table - what products
First of all, you should clarify whether the day on which you want to order a service for the deceased is a day during Lent. If this is so, then food is brought as directed by the church - only lean foods, that is, no products of animal origin (no milk or eggs). It is generally not customary to carry meat into temples, since it carries death, which should not be present in the house of the Lord.
As a rule, pieces of paper with the name of the deceased are attached to the brought food, so that later those who eat it can pray for him. Such people are clergy, parish workers, large families or families who find themselves in difficult living conditions and are also under the care of the temple, as well as the disabled and homeless people attached to it.
What handouts do different religions use during funerals?
Orthodoxy
In this religion, it is customary to distribute kitchen utensils: plates, spoons. They also give gifts of scarves, towels, cookies, and sweets. The first person you meet after leaving the cemetery is given a knapsack with bread, a spoon, sweet foods, threads, and salt.
For example, after the coffin is taken out of the apartment, when the farewell and funeral service has taken place, people go out into the street, and you can stand in their way in order to distribute scarves, plates, or something else. At the wake, you can give gifts with you and pass them on to other relatives who could not come.
Islam
Muslims consider it necessary to distribute money, fabrics, tea or soap, dates, and raisins. Sweets are prepared for the funeral table. It is not customary to arrange too luxurious a feast, as they fear the wrath of Allah. It is allowed to distribute personal belongings and clothing of the deceased. The act of giving alms, donating to the needy - sadaqah - is performed. It is interesting that relatives are first in line for alms, and you should not give away your last property, so as not to drive the family into need.
Judaism
Jews distribute small coins, baked goods, sweets, and leftovers from the funeral table. You can give away clothes, except shoes. Shoes are ordered to be destroyed by shredding and burning.
Is it possible to drink alcohol at a funeral?
Since sincere prayer performed in a sound mind and an intoxicated state are incompatible concepts, the church denies drinking alcoholic beverages when commemorating the dead. After all, the essence of the wake is precisely to pray for the repose of the soul of the deceased . However, among our people, refusal of alcohol at a wake, including on the day of a funeral, is extremely rare. In any case, whether to serve wine and vodka to the table or not - the choice is yours.
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It is still worth considering that if it is customary to drink alcohol during a wake, then the whole process should not become a noisy and cheerful feast. Of course, it’s not without reason that there is an opinion that people don’t say bad things about the dead, and often people gathered who are close to the deceased person begin to remember good or cheerful moments from his life. There is nothing wrong with this, but the main thing is moderation. The most important thing in this process is prayer.
Funeral according to Orthodox custom
Funerals, according to Orthodox custom, are held on the same first days, but they have a special meaning. So, on the 9th day, the soul is separated from the body and sent to another, unearthly world, and on the fortieth day it appears for judgment before God. Therefore, these days, Orthodoxy prescribes intense joint prayer for the relatives and friends of the deceased.
In addition, during the year there are eight parental Saturdays, which have a moving date. In 2020/21 This:
- Ecumenical: February 22 / March 6
- Second week of Lent: March 14 / March 27
- Third week of Lent: March 21 / April 3
- Fourth week of Lent: March 28 / April 10
- Radonitsa: April 28 / May 11
- Military Memorial Day: May 9 annually
- Trinity: June 6 / June 19
- Dimitrievskaya: October 31 / November 6
On these days, special services are held in Orthodox churches, after which Christians go to the cemetery, where they once again perform a funeral prayer. Then the whole family gathers at the table.
So, there are various memorial days on which it is customary to gather at the table, having previously visited the cemetery. To make visiting the grave as free as possible from the hassle associated with cleaning the burial, our company offers memorial goods at competitive prices. Here you will find not only high-quality monuments, but also tombstones, facing tiles, fences, tables and benches, vases, decorative crushed stone and much more.
Drinks for the funeral table
The funeral meal can be accompanied by various kinds of drinks. You can make them yourself, such as homemade lemonade from ginger and lemon, for which you need:
- 3 liters of water;
- 6 lemons;
- 75 g sugar;
- 75 g ginger.
Peeled ginger should be grated and boiled in water together with sugar. After this, you need to add lemon juice and let the lemonade brew. This drink will also be very useful.
You can make berry juice or sbiten. To prepare the latter use:
- 2 liters of water;
- 200 g sugar;
- 2 pinches of cinnamon;
- 10 dry cloves;
- 10 g ginger;
- 400 g honey.
According to this calculation, the drink should be enough for a considerable number of people.
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You can also cook uzvar or other regular compote from fresh or dried fruits. If there is no opportunity, time or desire to prepare drinks, then store-bought juices and mineral water are perfect for this purpose, which it is preferable to take not only carbonated, but also still.
Visit to the cemetery
During this time, you should definitely visit the cemetery. If weather conditions do not allow (heavy rain, snowstorm), this can be done on another day. You should arrive at the cemetery in the first half of the day.
The grave of the deceased must be monitored. Paint the fence in a timely manner, you can put a small table and bench. Plant flowers, weed out unnecessary weeds that give the grave an unkempt appearance. This is the anniversary of death... How to remember a person? Clean up his grave, light candles in special cups, lay fresh flowers.
According to Christian traditions, the synod in the 19th century banned wreaths with inscriptions made from fake flowers. Such layings distract from prayers for the soul of the deceased.
You can bring tea, alcohol, pies, and sweets to the grave. To modestly remember the deceased, pour the remains of alcohol on the grave, sprinkle crumbs - this is a symbol of the presence of the deceased next to the living. Many families adhere to this pagan tradition at funerals.
In Christianity, it is forbidden to bring anything to the grave. Only with fresh flowers and prayers should the deceased be remembered.
Funeral traditions
After death
Traditionally, it is customary to order a memorial service for a deceased person in the church, which is read on the 3rd, 9th and 40th day after death. On the eve of the third day, you should come to the church with a set of products for the funeral table, and do not forget to leave them along with a note on which will be the name or names of those for whom the memorial service will be served. Then you need to notify the clergyman of your intention to serve a memorial service, and then they will indicate what and how to do.
During the memorial service, people close to the deceased pray and hold lit church candles in their hands, and then set them on the eve, accompanying them with the words:
“Remember, Lord, the souls of your departed servants (names), and all my relatives, and forgive them all their sins, voluntary and involuntary, grant them the Kingdom and the sacrament of your eternal blessings, and create for them an eternal memory.”
This text is repeated three times.
At the wake on the 9th day, there should be something on the table that anyone who comes to remember the deceased can be treated to. On this day, no one is called to the funeral; everyone who wishes comes themselves. The meal begins with kutya, then they eat cabbage soup, otherwise pies and other modest food are served on the table, which can also be distributed to those who were present or taken to the poor with a request to remember the deceased. The main thing on this day is an unworthy meal, but a sincere prayer for the deceased.
On the 40th day, it is important to remember the deceased with a kind word and pray to the Lord for the forgiveness of his sins. The meal also begins with three spoons of kutya, and meat, fish dishes, salads and sandwiches are placed on the table, and, of course, a side dish, often in the form of boiled or stewed potatoes.
Death anniversary
On such a day, loved ones come to the grave of the deceased, clean it, light a candle or ritual lamp, quietly remember the deceased and pray for him. On this day you can also invite a priest to the cemetery.
You can only eat kutya consecrated in the church at the cemetery; drinking is also not advisable. It is better to take food brought to the grave “for the Kingdom of Heaven” with you in order to distribute it later.
Anniversaries
If the relatives wish, a memorial service can be organized six months after the death. There are no prohibitions here, since everyone chooses for themselves how many times and when to commemorate the dead. Since, in addition to generally accepted dates, as already mentioned at the beginning of the article, there are individual ones. This is the birthday of the deceased, the anniversary of any significant events in his life. Therefore, if you are tormented by doubts about whether the wake will be held for six months, then you should proceed from your own wishes.
Memorial days
Visit to the cemetery
Funeral poems
After the first days, the time comes when a wake is organized for the anniversary of the death. They, like everyone else, are not invited to them. Everyone comes, and the funeral table is set for them again. Funerals 1 year after death begin with a visit to the cemetery. Now you can erect a monument on the grave of the deceased, improve it and the site as a whole. Funerals for 1 year do not have their own special traditions. Visit the grave and gather around the table, talk about the good things that the deceased left in memory of himself.
Almsgiving
On memorial days, attention should be paid to works of mercy. Funeral dishes can be given to those in need, acquaintances, and colleagues. This is done so that as many people as possible remember the deceased with a kind word.
A good reason for giving alms is the anniversary of death. How to remember the deceased? You can distribute money, sweets, cookies to the poor at the church and ask them to pray for the deceased, to donate money for the construction of the temple. The things of the deceased are usually given to needy friends.
Almsgiving is a good deed towards the poor. Therefore, the family of the deceased does not have to distribute food or money to the poor at the church. You can find people in your environment (pensioners, large families) who would appreciate real help. Or take a small offering to a nursing home, boarding school, or orphanage.
Funeral in a cafe
To eliminate the bulk purchase of products, cooking, table setting and subsequent tidying, you can order a small room in a cafe. So that the anniversary of death passes in a calm atmosphere. The cafe staff will help you remember what to order. Their menu is not much different from home.
The cafe staff should be notified in advance that guests will gather for the funeral. The administrator will try to keep overly cheerful visitors as far as possible from the relatives of the deceased (if we are talking about a common room).
It is usually customary to book a small banquet hall for holidays. Then the festive neighbors will not interfere with the quiet mood of the death anniversary.
If you don’t fancy a cafe, but want a cozy, homely atmosphere, you can order lunch at home. Agree on the menu in advance, set a time and delivery address.
