Dejection is a sticky thing. Here's how not to lose heart and not lose heart when you are overcome by troubles? Not so long ago, Elena, a user of the Forum of Orthodox Psychologists, shared the following concern:
“For several years it seems to me that the Lord does not hear or accept my prayers... Yes, I’m probably not worthy of this; but how can one not be sad about this? how to get out of this situation? I’ve been meaning to ask about this for a very long time... In the meantime, I repent of the sin of despondency every time and decided that apparently what I’m praying for is not pleasing to the Lord, it’s not providential, and I’m trying to stick to this thought... Otherwise it’s a complete nightmare.”
And indeed, in a difficult life situation, people mentally reproach God for turning away, not helping, etc. This does not save the situation, but only aggravates the situation. I wish I could pull myself together, but how to stop being discouraged? Let's look into this issue.
The Bible Says Almost Nothing About Discouragement
What is despondency from a biblical point of view? Alas, Holy Scripture says almost nothing on this topic. Obviously, God did not consider despondency such an important topic in his message to people. The word itself is mentioned rarely and in passing:
(Isaiah 19:8)
“And those who set nets in the water will become disheartened”
(Luke 21:25)
“And on earth there is despondency of the nations and bewilderment”
(Judph 7:19)
"because they became disheartened"
There is an opinion that the Apostle Paul calls despondency “worldly sorrow”:
(2 Corinthians 7:10)
“For Godly sorrow produces repentance that leads to salvation, but worldly sorrow produces death.”
But it is impossible to draw any fundamental conclusions about the role of despondency in human life on the basis of Scripture.
The Apostle Paul could call despondency “worldly sadness”
Hope can be dangerous
Hope inspires not only noble heroes, but also genocides and totalitarian regimes. Hitler hoped to destroy all Jews so that conditions would finally arise for the “superior” Aryan race to flourish. The communists who came to power in Russia hoped to sooner or later make a world revolution so that the whole world would accept the ideas of Marxism and live in equality and fraternity. The atrocities committed by capitalist societies were fueled by the hope that everything was done for the sake of economic freedom and wealth.
Manson quotes Nietzsche, who believed that people must look beyond hope, beyond values, to see beyond good and evil.
A person of the future must love his fate, whatever it may be - he called this love amor fati (“love for his fate” translated from Latin).
You need to learn to act without hope, accepting yourself as you are, in order to ultimately become a better person. Hope calms and lulls us like a drug, and so we create stories, values, myths and legends about ourselves and the world around us so as not to live in fear of the inevitability of death. But she will come anyway, no one can escape her. Having realized and accepted this without fear, people will not run to do evil at all - perhaps they will learn to respect each other and our planet.
Dejection is a natural and sometimes even healthy feeling
But authoritative Christian figures paid enough attention to despondency. John Climacus gives this definition of this state:
John Climacus
Theologian
“Despondency is relaxation of the soul and exhaustion of the mind, slandering God - as if He is unmerciful and unloving of mankind.”
As we see, despondency is not just a state of being sad, but a painful state that becomes a way of thinking for a person.
Not all despondency is a sin - Jesus Christ indirectly communicates this to the apostles:
“In the world you will have tribulation; but take heart: I have overcome the world.”
Jesus Christ speaks about the sorrow of his disciples without condemnation, which means that not all despondency is sinful.
In the words of their Teacher there is no accusation or regret, but only boundless compassion. The Messiah understands the disciples' despondency as a completely natural feeling.
And the Old Testament does not contain any reproach in the phrase:
(Proverbs 13:12)
“Hope that does not come true for a long time makes the heart sad”
On the contrary, it is clear from it that it is the nature of the heart to experience languor if a person is disappointed.
Moreover, such despondency cannot be a reason for punishment, for it itself is a grave torment. John Chrysostom comes to a similar conclusion in his reasoning:
John Chrysostom
Archbishop
“Despondency is a grave torment of the soul, an unspeakable torment and a punishment more bitter than any punishment or torment.”
And the Monk John Cassian even argued that in a number of cases sadness is beneficial - for example, if we are sad about our imperfections.
Saving Change
Change your job if you have been dreaming about it for a long time. According to statistics, people in jobs they don’t like are more unhappy and live shorter lives than people who are happy with everything. Make it a habit to go outdoors more often, on vacation. Change your image, style, do something that will cover you with a wave of adrenaline. And then life will sparkle with bright colors, and the black, unsightly environment will instantly acquire an iris. “A man who did not lose heart under any circumstances,” they will now say about you!
Always, no matter what, believe in a happy outcome of events. If you are unhappy, unlucky and unloved right now, it doesn’t matter. With great desire and effort, any person can achieve their goal and become happy. Never despair or lose hope of success. Let no one and nothing be able to shake your confidence in victory. Remember: a cheerful optimist can overcome anything!
Sinful despondency is a conscious submission to laziness, a refusal of the desire to become better
But what kind of despondency is a sin then? To understand this, we must supplement the reflections of St. John Climacus with a quote from St. Ambrose:
Ambrose
Reverend
“Despondency means the same laziness, only worse. From despondency you will weaken both in body and spirit. I don’t want to work or pray; you go to church with neglect; and the whole man weakens.”
That is, despondency is not just a decline in mood, but also a disregard for life, a deliberately cultivated weakness.
In a number of early Christian sources, despondency was defined as the lack of desire for joy. Thus, we can formulate what sinful despondency is: it is a conscious rejection of joys in favor of melancholy and inactivity.
Dejection is a conscious rejection of joy in favor of melancholy and inactivity.
In other words, a person simply begins to waste his life, does not strive for anything and is not going to do anything about it. The state of the plant and the deliberate violation of the Divine plan: neglect of the gift of the Almighty - life, without benefit, without meaning, only because of indulgence in emotions and laziness.
Mood
Look at yourself in the mirror. What's your facial expression there? It probably feels like you are offended by the whole world. Do you look a lot like a child whose favorite toy was taken away? Your gloomy and dissatisfied face spoils the mood of the people around you and sows seeds of negativity around you. If you continue like this, you may run away with your luck. Any person wants to get away from problems, close their eyes to everything and not change anything in their life. You are happy with everything, because you have become accustomed to the idea that despondency and melancholy are a normal state of mind. A person who never lost heart is not about you.
It's all about how you feel about your condition. You are used to going to work with an eternally dissatisfied face, and your colleagues are already tired of being surprised by your gloomy mood, and even moreover, they are trying to avoid you. Finally, shake up your consciousness, drive away depression, otherwise you will stay in it for a long time. Try to see the positive aspects even in the most deplorable situation, and soon the world will turn on the bright side towards you.
Despair is often mentioned among the seven deadly sins
Dejection is mentioned in the list of the seven deadly sins. But this is a rather unstable list. The number seven is sacred and sacred to many teachings and religions. Therefore, in the ancient world there was a clear idea that there should be seven in total:
- Seven days of the week;
- Seven notes;
- Seven Wonders of the World.
In many lists of mortal sins, despondency is equated with laziness
, etc. This idea extended to the idea of sins. But the list of them usually exceeds this number:
- Pride;
- Envy;
- Anger;
- Laziness;
- Boasting;
- Arrogance;
- Dejection;
- Greed;
- Gluttony;
- Lust (fornication);
- Sadness;
- Vanity.
7
sacred number, and therefore they tried to equate the number of sins with it
Different authors group these sins in their own way. Often put equally between despondency, laziness and sadness.
For the first time, despondency was included in this list by Pope Gregory Anitsius (540 - 604 AD).
Despair: what to do if a problem arises
We looked at four types of despair or states similar to this emotion, from the point of view of system-vector psychology Yuri Burlan:
- despair in the skin vector - from large financial losses or deprivation of social status;
- despair in the anal vector - from the loss of family as the most important value and priority in life;
- despair in the visual vector - from the loss of a deep emotional connection;
- despair in the sound vector - from a lack of understanding of oneself and the inability to realize one’s innate desires and properties.
In the case of the first three vectors, worry - how not to fall into despair - is not their internal issue, nor a life priority, since the feeling of despair for them is a consequence of external factors that they do not control.
As for people with the sound vector, looking from the outside, it is not clear why they experience a feeling of despair and hopelessness “out of nowhere,” that is, without obvious reasons. So, the main thing is how to overcome or not fall into despair - what to do?
The fact is that nature has endowed people with a sound vector with great abstract intelligence and a tremendous ability to concentrate thoughts. That is, the ability to create thought forms, to think. Due to these given properties, they tend to be in thought and receive great pleasure from it.
But it happens, for various reasons, a person with a sound vector does not use the entire volume of his psyche or cannot concentrate at a given moment in his life, and therefore cannot find and formulate a thought.
And then, at this point, frustration arises, that is, the lack of fulfillment of desire and, as a result, the enjoyment of life. A person in this state loses the ability to concentrate on the world around him, people and noise from the outside begin to irritate him. Then the person with the sound vector goes deep into himself, into his thoughts, where he searches and does not find an answer to the questions that trouble him.
And again there is a wall, there is no way out. Again, life has no meaning. Despair and disappointment - one after another. Pointless search for yourself. Again the whole world is against him, and no one understands him.
Therefore, people with a sound vector in a state of despair or close to it wonder about the meaning of their existence. They are looking for an answer on how not to fall into despair or how to deal with despair and its cause, but they do not find it. Then despair creeps up unnoticed in the sound vector, and silence sets in...
Dejection may be a mental disorder, then it is not a sin
There are also mental disorders: depression and apathy. Formally, they can also be called despondency. The dictionary allows this. But these diseases have nothing to do with sinful despondency.
Illness is not something for which a person is responsible before the Almighty. And if a person’s psyche is broken by some terrifying event, then an experienced psychotherapist should help him. In fact, he is the only person who is competent enough to diagnose these mental illnesses.
As for sinful despondency, it lies precisely between the two extreme stages of despondency:
- Temporary bad mood (annoyance, indignation, grief);
- Severe mental illness.
It’s quite easy to imagine such a despondent sinner: everyone is to blame for him, life is suffering, and, most importantly, there is no desire to fix it all.
So sinful despondency is a way of life and a way of thinking. There is nothing from God in him: no love, no faith, no hope. There is only one complete disappointment, and all efforts are aimed at maintaining this pessimistic picture of the world.
The Holy Scriptures are full of examples of how people did not allow unpleasant circumstances to break them. It is worth remembering at least the prophet Daniel. And the Savior himself is an example of faith in the best.
The Prophet Daniel is an example of how faith helps to overcome despondency in any trial
Not only spiritual literature, but also fiction, like cinema, can provide many illustrations of the correct perception of reality and resistance to despondency.
Where does a person’s state of despair come from?
System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan shows that any person has individual innate properties that determine the role of this person in society and the way of enjoying life.
Thus, a person born and aspiring to material and social success may experience despair if he loses his property or social status. System-vector psychology defines such people as owners of the skin vector. They are aimed at conquering peaks, and if some kind of trouble occurs, in most cases this will be the motivation to overcome the problem and find a way out of it in any way.
People with the skin vector have a very quick reaction and mental flexibility, which makes them adaptive in any life situations. If despair sets in, it is unlikely that a person with a skin vector will remain in this state for a long time. Most likely, he will try to solve the problem as quickly as possible. “Desperation arose - what to do? It’s clear - look for a way out!”
Another category of people who may experience despair are people with an anal vector. Quite stable in themselves - guardians of traditions, friendship and respect - they do not like change. They can be driven into despair if you constantly interrupt, tug, and do not allow them to finish the job in peace. They also value their family and everything connected with it very much, so the loss of their family can lead them to despair.
The elders recommended work and prayer for despondency
It is impossible to never be discouraged, so it is useful to know how to get out of despondency using Orthodox methods.
Many elders left useful recommendations on this matter. For example, the Monk Leo wrote to one believer the following:
a lion
Reverend
“You are probably drawn to him by your own will. If you leave self-discipline and begin every undertaking with God’s blessing, then with the blessing you will reap peace of mind and other fruits of the Holy Spirit.
If you completely abandon your will, you will never feel the oppressive darkness of despondency. <…> Dejection haunts everyone; even in great people it destroys the saving fruits of sobriety. But in a simple and true novice this should not take place.
Whoever has denied himself with trust in God, why will he become depressed? In such an enemy, weapons will eventually run out <...>What to do with this, you need to endure, pray to God, ask for help from Him, do handicrafts and not be in idleness, from which not only boredom, but also many vices come.” .
The Monk Anthony pointed out the benefits of spiritual reading from despondency:
Anthony
Reverend
“You complain that you are restless in spirit and absent-minded. In this case, you should not relax at all, but warm up your spirit, either with spiritual reading, or with the memory of eternity, or with a prayer, albeit short, saying to the Lord: “Gather my scattered mind, O Lord, and humble my hardened heart with Thy fear and have mercy on me!” For we are not strong enough to do anything without God’s help; we can’t even deal with flies, let alone invisible enemies.”
Elder Ambrose was quite specific. He recommended in moments of despondency to read the letters of John Chrysostom to Deaconess Olympias:
Ambrose
Elder
“To help you get rid of unaccountable sadness, I advise you to read the letters of St. Chrysostom to the Olympiad... If you are able to apply what is written there to your circumstances, you will receive great spiritual benefit.”
Elder Barsanuphius advised to drive away despondency and not relax.
Elder Barsanuphius recommended driving away despondency and reporting this terrible feeling to the elder:
“You need to reproach yourself for your weaknesses and humble yourself, but in every possible way drive away despondency and relaxation. No matter what happens, you don’t need to be discouraged, but tell the elder everything.”
In general, most elders agree that they help with despondency:
- Prayer;
- Work;
- Self-demanding;
- Conversation with a mentor.
Modern priests are also able to share their thoughts on the topic of despondency. For example, Abbot Nektariy (Morozov) calls on, in order to change the attitude towards the problem, to look at its Divine cause:
Nectary (Morozov)
Abbot
“Are you sick and the illness does not leave you? But it was the Lord who sent her to you for improvement in patience, for success in Christian courage. Is this thought incapable of comfort? Are you being oppressed by ill-intentioned people, offended, annoyed, persecuted for no reason?
But isn’t it through this that you become closer to the One with whom they did the same, and then completely crucified? Things are not going well for you, you struggle, you suffer, but nothing works out? Has the thought ever occurred to you that for some special reason the Lord is not helping you, but, on the contrary, hindering you, because in the end this matter will turn not to benefit, but to harm?
You work, strive in order to learn to overcome temptations, to live a truly Christian life, without shame, but you keep falling and falling? Are you both sad and hurt? But think: the Lord sees both your work and your jealousy, but only allows you these falls so that you... humble yourself, for He wants to teach the most important and highest virtue.”
If you see the Divine cause of the problem, then despondency will recede.
We also must not forget that prolonged despondency can be a warning sign of mental problems. Then you should visit a professional psychotherapist. Otherwise, further health problems are inevitable.
I don’t know whether to continue living?
Every year the number of people who lose their understanding of how to live is increasing. More and more people are trying to figure out what to do when they don’t want to live.
“I don’t want to live.” This phrase has become commonplace in the modern world, especially often heard among young people and teenagers. Although, as it seems, everything is just fine for them - their whole life is ahead of them, prospects, travel, achievements. It seems that they should be filled with hopes and dreams. But instead of the expected aspirations and results, they abandon all this and “fall” into the state of “I don’t want to live.”
This is not limited to teenagers and young adults. Many adults, faced with different circumstances, ask the question: “what to do when you don’t want to live?” What happens to people that they don’t want to live?
And one more important “silent” question is “What to do when you don’t know how to live further?” Where does this flow of questions about life come from? For what reason is the first basic need - to survive - questioned in our modern times? People ask questions: “Should I continue to live?”...
Everyone asking this question, it seems to me, is trying to find an answer to the questions: “What is life worth to continue? And if it is really so important, then how to live?”
We are losing direction. Or have already lost direction. Lost self-awareness of “who I am.” For several previous generations, the party answered this question: “We are the working people. We are building socialism - heaven on earth." And there was a previously written plan: kindergarten, school, college and 20 years at some factory, where you will become a production drummer. And this is what your parents tell you, or rather those who replace them - educators, teachers, the media, your boss at work, everyone loudly agrees with this. Here are the answers.
And then everything fell apart. And everyone began to shout out loud: “Be whoever you want! Be yourself! You can become whoever you want!” And everyone rushed to “be yourself.” But this “I am what I want” did not live up to expectations. I didn’t become a millionaire, a pop star, or the owner of my own business. Someone is trying to live according to the old Soviet plan “kindergarten-school-institute-work”, but more and more people are admitting that this scheme has stopped working, and the understanding of how to live has not returned. Then we began to engage in self-development - 2 languages, self-development trainings, weight loss, healthy lifestyle. Has this reduced the number of people who do not understand how to continue living? It seems not. Moreover, there are more of them.
So, we have lost the “blueprint for a happy life.” Or are we just used to others broadcasting this plan to us? Maybe we are used to parents, teachers, and the government giving us step-by-step instructions for life? But something happens in our lives, something is not at all according to the “plan” and what should we do then?
I want to remember such a unique instruction for our life, which was used by millions of people before me, and is still used by millions now. I'll take the Bible. Yes, you can laugh at these. But have you ever wondered why such a huge number of people turn to it? Why do many people begin to pray in a crisis situation? Maybe there is something “there”?
When I feel bad and on the edge; when I don’t know what to do, how to live further; how to live when you don’t feel like it at all, I turn to the words of God written in this book. And they have never let me down. After all, only God knows the plan. And only He knows our next step. So why not go to him with your pressing questions?
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28
For despondency it is useful to pray to Tikhon of Zadonsk
Bishop Tikhon of Zadonsk is a famous theologian who continued to help believers after his death. People often turn to him to ask him to save him from:
- despondency;
- melancholy;
- mental pain;
- depression;
- alcoholism;
- madness;
- insanity.
Saint Tikhon of Zadonsk helps against despondency
Prayer for depression and despondency to Tikhon of Zadonsk:
Oh, all-praised saint and saint of Christ, our Father Tikhon! Having lived like an angel on earth, you, like a good angel, appeared in your wondrous glorification. We believe with all our souls and thoughts that you, our merciful helper and prayer book, with your honest intercessions and grace, abundantly bestowed on you from the Lord, are constantly contributing to our salvation. Accept therefore, blessed servant of Christ, even at this hour our unworthy prayer: free us through your intercession from the vanity and superstition that surrounds us, the unbelief and evil of man.
Strive, speedy representative for us, to beg the Lord with your favorable intercession, may He add His great and rich mercy to us, His sinful and unworthy servants, may He heal with His grace the incurable ulcers and scabs of our corrupted souls and bodies, may He dissolve our petrified hearts with tears of tenderness and contrition for our many sins, and may He deliver us from eternal torment and the fire of Gehenna:
May He grant to all His faithful people peace and quiet, health and salvation, and good haste in everything, so that having lived a quiet and silent life in all piety and purity, let us be honored with the angels and with all the saints to glorify and sing the All-Holy Name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit forever and ever. Amen.
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